When the waiter had come around and put the lieutenant's food in front of her, Roy was feeling the slightest bit better. At least he could just sit with the lieutenant and sip on some coffee. If she was suspicious of the fact that he wasn't ordering anything to eat, she didn't show it. Roy thought maybe that she just didn't want to get into it with Roy, knowing he would tense up and try and shove her off. By acting nonchalant, maybe Hawkeye thought Roy would reveal himself on his own.

Or maybe she just wasn't even thinking about it. Maybe the only thing on her mind was making sure Roy and Hughes' relationship was okay.

"They gave me the wrong kind of toast," Hawkeye mumbled. "Oh well."

Roy looked at her breakfast. If Roy had order a specific bread and then they were to give him a different one, he would blown his lid and threw a fit.

As Hawkeye buttered her toast, she kept her gaze down and spoke quietly.

"Look, like I said, I'm worried about your drinking," she said. "I'm not going to accuse you of being a drunk, but I think it's worrying how often you seem to be drinking by yourself."

Roy lowered his head slightly and closed his eyes. "I know."

"I just want you to be alright, Colonel, that's all. I think it's really best for you to speak with someone."

"I know you've said."

Roy lifted his head and opened his eyes. The lieutenant was looking at him with a blank face he wasn't sure how to read.

"Alright. Just think about what I said." Again, she went back to buttering her toast. "Am I allowed to ask what happened with the lieutenant colonel?"

Roy scoffed. "Allowed, Lieutenant?"

"I didn't mean it like that, sir. I just meant it you felt like delving into it."

Roy sighed. No, he did not feel like delving into it. Roy wasn't sure how to explain the lies he got himself wrapped in without admitting his eating habits. But it didn't really matter because Roy didn't want to talk about it at all. It felt by talking about it, it was making it real. Like Hughes really did kick him out of his house—even if the lieutenant did have to pick him up wasn't proof enough. Moreover, Roy did not want to hear the lieutenant's opinion about the whole ordeal. Not because he didn't value her opinion, but the fear of the lieutenant thinking that Roy and Hughes' relationship was done for made him not want to share.

"I don't," said Roy. "Let's just leave it alone."

"That's alright, sir. I understand. Still, you should know that Hughes is coming back to work next Monday."

Roy's eyebrows jumped up. He wasn't exactly surprised that Hughes hadn't told him. After all, when would he have had the chance? Still, the news took him by surprise...and so did the fact that the lieutenant knew that news.

"Monday? How do you know?"

Hawkeye opened her mouth to respond but Roy spoke again.

"Lieutenant, if you tell me that you have been talking behind my back again..."

She frowned. "No, sir, I haven't. I wish you wouldn't assume that."

"Then how do you know?"

"Major Armstrong told me actually," she said. "He actually figured I knew already. I'm not sure if Hughes is trying to keep a secret or not but he told me not to tell anyone when he realized I didn't know."

"When was this?" Roy asked. "And why didn't you tell me before?"

"Why am I being given the third degree here, Colonel?"

Hawkeye pressed her mouth into a straight line. Clearly she no longer felt the need to grovel to Roy anymore. Roy's often bad attitude had stopped making her feel badly.

"Sorry," Roy mumbled. "I just...sorry."

"It's alright. I only heard yesterday and I assumed you get things patched up with Hughes and he would tell you," she said. "I certainly didn't think I'd be picking you up because you drank before speaking with him."

Roy put his head in his hands. "Lieutenant, I already apologized for that."

"No. You did not."

"Well, I really am sorry," Roy rasped. "I don't know what I was thinking, my nerves were so shot. I couldn't calm myself down."

"And you thought drinking would make things better?" The lieutenant raised her voice slightly. She looked around the diner and then put her hands up, resigned. She spoke quietly. "Never mind, but I hope you're not just saying you'll see a psychiatrist to get me off your back."

Roy didn't respond because he didn't want to lie.

It really wasn't the worst idea to see a psychiatrist, but Roy would sooner tell the lieutenant or Hughes his deep dark secrets than some stranger, no matter how highly qualified. Still, perhaps it would be nice to know from a professional how to handle his current predicament. Plus, they'd have to be quiet about the whole thing, right...?

Hawkeye was right, though, drinking wasn't going to make anything better. How different would that conversation have gone with Hughes if he hadn't been inebriated? Would it have even happened?

Still, when Hughes had approached Roy's car, he seemed ready to have a calm conversation. This time, Hughes would certainly not be so willing to have a laidback conversation. Besides, he knew Roy was withholding something from him. If Roy thought their friendship was on the line before, then this was something else.

The next time he spoke to Hughes, he was going to have to reveal his eating habits, or at least something about them. It wouldn't just be good enough to say that he had only wanted to make Hughes proud, Hughes already knew that wasn't the full truth. That wasn't even remotely desirable, but what was he supposed to do? Never talk to Hughes again?

Roy was only digging himself further and further down into this dark, deep pit by lying and withholding things from Hughes. When would he call it quits? Hughes would eventually throw dirt atop him and bury their friendship once for and all if Roy didn't get his act together.

"In any case," started Hawkeye. "Whatever happened back at his house...you're going to have to find a way to work with him, or at least not have this get in the way."

"We hardly work together," mumbled Roy.

"That's not really true. There are plenty of times you two have worked together. Still, Colonel, you want to spend your time avoiding him?"

Roy sighed. "No."

"That's what I thought," she said. "And as much as I'd wish you tell me what happened, I'll leave it to you to figure it out."

Roy frowned, just wanting to be home and alone at this point. Hopefully, by the end of Hawkeye's breakfast, she'd feel confident about leaving Roy alone. Even if she didn't, Roy had hit his social limit for the day.

Considering that Hughes had kicked Roy out of his home twice at this point, it was hard to navigate. What would Hughes' cooldown period be? Monday was only a couple of days away. Roy was thinking maybe it was better to let him come back to work and then try to mend things there. Besides, Hughes would probably be spending his last couple days home with his family.

Roy was really good with excuses.

Without thinking, Roy asked, "Would you forgive me? If you were him?"

Hawkeye seemed thrown off. She held up her fork in the air and left her mouth open, still ready for the bite. She stayed like that for a few moments before lowing her fork and closing her mouth.

"Hmm," she said. "Uhm..."

Roy sucked in a breath. "That's a no."

"Not exactly," Hawkeye said. "If you were being honest with me, then yes, I would forgive you."

"Are you—?"

Roy stopped himself. She wasn't accusing him of being dishonest with Hughes...was she? Based on what she knew about the conversation wouldn't she mention the fact that Roy had drank before anything else?

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing. Never mind."

Well, if she was accusing Roy of dishonestly, she got her answer. Is that not what Hughes had just done? Make Roy plead that he was, in fact, being honest. He was such a fool and certainly didn't need any help digging his own grave. Both Hawkeye and Hughes knew just how to give Roy enough room for him to hang himself and Roy kept on falling for it and taking the rope.

"Colonel," she said and waited until he looked up at her. "Talk to Hughes openly, honestly...and sober. I think you can make things right."

Roy rolled his eyes. "Right."

"I'm serious, sir. Talk to him straight."

Roy nodded if only to stop the conversation here. All he wanted right now was sleep, not to discuss Hughes any further.

The lieutenant finished up her breakfast as Roy finished his coffee. He was practically bouncing, eager to just get home and be alone. It was much easier to stew and brood over his mistakes without someone watching over him. No, he didn't want to talk about it and no, he didn't feel like acting it didn't happen.

His mood was like a rollercoaster—constantly up and down. It was exhausting. When he had first sat down with the lieutenant he had felt better than when he left Hughes', and now he was feeling bad once again. The only times, as of very recently, that Roy felt comfortable, was with the lieutenant. Unless he did something to ruin it. Hawkeye had said she would leave it to him to figure out, but he couldn't just do that could he? He had to go and ask her a stupid question.

"Are you sure you don't want anything to eat?" the lieutenant asked when she was finished.

"I'm fine," said Roy. "I'd really just like to rest."

Roy knew she was just stalling. She didn't care if he ate or not. Why would she? All he would do was decline if she pressed the issue. She knew that Roy hadn't been honest with Hughes. He was surprised that she even cared at this point.

"Alright, sir," she said. "We'll get you home. Get some sleep and..."

Hawkeye trailed off with a sigh.

"What?"

"I don't know. I was going to say maybe it'd be better if you sat down and wrote down what you wanted to say to Hughes."

Roy raised a brow. "And what? Send him a letter?"

"No, sir. I'm saying to write it down so you can gather your thoughts before going to see him," said Hawkeye. "That way you aren't just blurting things out. Get it all out, whatever you need to tell him."

Although the idea of leaving a paper trail wasn't something Roy liked, he still said, "That doesn't sound too bad of an idea. I could—"

"But don't assume what he's going to say," Hawkeye added quickly. "Don't write his side of the conversation."

"Lieutenant."

Hawkeye lifted her brows and looked at Roy expectantly.

"Is there something you're not telling me?"

"Sir?"

"Is there something you know that I don't?" Roy asked. "Something Hughes might have told you?"

Hawkeye only looked at him for a few moments, her face revealing only confusion. Roy tried to find something in her face. He wanted to find something that proved she was lying; that proved that she was holding something back.

Maybe something that would help him.

"I'm not sure what you're driving at, sir," Hawkeye said. "I was only saying that because things tend to get messy when you put words in others' mouths."

"Hughes didn't say anything to you?'

"What? What are you talking about?" she asked. "Just now?"

"Never mind," Roy mumbled, lowering his gaze. Stupid, stupid, he told himself. You're talking stupid. "Forget it."

"When would he have talked to me?

"I said never mind."

What the hell was wrong with him? Why would the lieutenant have any clue how Hughes felt? Roy himself hadn't even told her what happened yet. Never mind that she hadn't had remotely the chance to speak with Hughes before she saw him. He was going insane, surely. He must be.

Roy looked back up at the lieutenant.

"I'm tired," he said. "We should go."

Hawkeye her mouth but closed it. She sighed and said, "Alright, sir."

Roy scanned the restaurant for their waiter, found him, and motioned for the check. The two stood up and Roy paid the bill, despite Hawkeye's arguing. Once the two were back in Hawkeye's car, Roy suddenly felt his stomach drop.

"We have to get my car," he said quietly.

"Oh..." said Hawkeye, as if she had forgotten too. "Well, we can make it quick."

Roy didn't like that. He didn't like the idea of having to avoid Hughes and make things quick. He bit his lip, trying to come up with a way where either he wouldn't have to be there to get his car or he wouldn't have to get his car at all. Of course, neither was possible. Moreover, the idea of the lieutenant somehow going alone and being able to speak with Hughes was something he was definitely uncomfortable with.

Didn't matter anyway.

"Alright, Lieutenant. Let's make it quick."

The ride to Hughes' house was completely silent. Roy was gripping on to his seat, trying to will himself to calm down. It wasn't as if Hughes was going to come out and start arguing with him. Most likely he wouldn't even realize that Hawkeye and Roy had come and taken the car until he stepped or looked outside.

Roy almost wanted Hughes to come outside. He wanted Hughes to come out and talk to him, even if it was to argue. Maybe then Roy could explain himself and the two could work on mending their relationship. Wouldn't that be just great? Just take the bandaid off all at once and get it over with?

But who was kidding? Even on the off chance that Hughes did come outside, Roy would just cower away. He wasn't going to be able to come clean; he already knew that. Roy was such a coward.

He thought back to when he had arrived at Hughes' this morning and Hughes came to his car. His casual way of asking "What are you doing here?" rang in Roy's head over and over again. If he had just gone in there sober and seen Hughes' calm, relaxed face, things would have been easier. Hughes was ready to hear Roy out and accept his apology. Roy had ruined that, just completely spit in Hughes' face.

Roy thought that, maybe, in some way, he had somewhere—deep down, subconsciously—purposefully sabotaged himself. After all, it did give him a way to keep restricting his calorie intake. The lieutenant seemed to be off his back about his eating habits and now Hughes probably couldn't care less.

Once Roy and the lieutenant had gotten to Hughes' house, Roy and Hawkeye exchanged goodbyes while they were still in the car.

"Like I said, sir, get some rest. Sit and think about what you want to say to him."

"Right."

Hawkeye looked over Roy's shoulder at Hughes' house. Roy was just about to turn his head to see what she was looking at but she moved her gaze back to him.

"Don't go in there now," she said. "You're probably still...well...drunk."

"Lieutenant." Roy's tone was stern. "I am not drunk. I wasn't drunk."

"Still, sir," Hawkeye replied, unabashed by his tone. "Not in your right mind."

Something in that bit at Roy. Abruptly, suddenly, anger came to him. Instantly, heat boiled in his face and throat. It wasn't just the alcohol that made him not in his right mind. He wasn't even sure of the last time he could say he was in his right mind.

"Not in my right mind! How am I possibly supposed to be in my right mind?" Roy's voice was rising but he didn't care. "I'm losing Hughes because I—"

Roy quickly stopped himself.

"Because you what?" she asked. "Because you lied about Lior to Hughes? Because you went to him after drinking? Tell me, sir, because you what?"

Roy used the only trump card he had.

"Watch yourself, Lieutenant. Mind who you're speaking to."

"Sir," she said calmly. "I have sat with you all this morning. I came to pick you up without you asking. I have not pressed about what happened with Hughes this morning."

"What's your point, Lieutenant?"

Still, in the same cool and collected voice, Hawkeye continued, "You don't seem to understand you are making choices and these choices have consequences. You chose to get into that argument with Hughes and when you had to face the consequences, you decided to drink before. And, Colonel, I have to say, you're choosing to keep everyone at arm's length. Whatever's going on with your weight—"

"And again with my weight!"

Figures. Why did Roy ever think that the Lieutenant could just dismiss that?

"I'm not making a jab, sir. I'm just trying to say that you chose not to be honest about what was happening and instead pushed me and the lieutenant colonel away," Hawkeye said. "You're making choices and unable to deal with the consequences."

Roy's mouth was agape. He was totally unable to produce a response. She had hit the nail right on the head and what could he say to that? That she was wrong? He was only able to sit there and look at the lieutenant.

She sighed and spoke again. "I'm sorry, Colonel, but I had to say something. It doesn't change what I think you should do. I'd rather you not drive but I'm sure enough time has passed."

His anger was overpowered by shock. He could only nod slowly and mechanically turn to open the door.

"You can leave now, Lieutenant. Don't wait for me," he said.

Probably just to save his ego, the only thing the lieutenant said was, "Yes, sir."

Roy gave her a nod and got out of her car. She drove away before he even made it to his own. As Roy was getting into his car, his eyes flicked up to Hughes' house. The curtains moved and Roy tensed up. He waited a few moments to see if Hughes would come outside.

He hadn't.

With a heavy sigh, Roy pulled out of the driveway and started on his way home. He knew he was going to take at least some of the lieutenant's advice and get some rest. He felt like he was ready to just about keel over once he stepped through the door. But, before he went into his bedroom, he took the rest of the bottle of scotch down the drain.

Roy went into his bedroom and without taking off his clothes, he fell onto his bed.

The lieutenant was right. He was unable to deal with any of the consequences of his actions. He knew she was right; he was choosing to do these stupid things. That being true, it didn't feel like he was making any decisions. There was this unignorable, overwhelming power urging him into all of his choices.

Drinking before meeting with Hughes. That was a choice. A stupid one, but a choice.

Pushing Hawkeye and Hughes away didn't feel like much of a choice. Throwing up his food didn't feel like much of a choice. When his back was pressed up against the wall, nothing felt like a choice. He was constantly trying to de-escalate and put out fires. There wasn't much choice there. It didn't feel like there was anyway.

Staying in Ishval? That was definitely a choice.

It felt like he hadn't had a choice whether or not to stay. It's not like his life would have been over if he left. His military career would have been shot, but so what? At the time, Roy hadn't felt like there was much wiggle room. Stay or give up his ambition, give up his dreams of becoming Fuhrer and creating a better place. Looking back on Ishval, Roy knew that he did, in fact, have a say in the matter.

Roy made a choice. The wrong one.