The Fade
Lawrien liked her friends. They were great people. She loved and cherished all of them. But this was ridiculous. Why were they all in the main hall, crowding it? They were celebrating, her foggy memories telling her that they were all celebrating the end of the Blight. But Lawrien was in the Warden Commander's uniform, despite who was here. Duncan was laughing with Yegrettie, but Lawrien had felt them die. She had felt their lives being cut off.
It had been agony.
It was not a feeling she could ever forget.
Sten was standing in the corner, his arms crossed, eyeing the cake selection. Wynne was sipping drinks, chatting away with Leliana. Morrigan and Cobian were in another corner, both locked in a discussion. Alistair approached Duncan, laughing loudly as he told some kind of story about the Archdemon and Duncan and Lawrien's attack on it. But they hadn't fought the Archdemon. It was still alive.
Epona was drawing, perched on a railing from one of the balconies. Faren was trying to coax her down, with Zevran throwing teasing remarks up at her. Narascha and Torph were sharing drinks and food, laughing away with Shale.
No. None of it was right. Everyone was wearing a Grey Warden uniform. Morrigan would never put that on, nor would Sten.
"You're deep in thought," Ciara greeted her warmly, smiling brightly as she held out a drink. "Care to share with me, Lawrien?"
"Where am I here?" Lawrien frowned. "Why are you all here?"
"What do you mean?" Ciara laughed. "We're home, Lawrien."
"But Sten is here. Wynne is here. This isn't what you all want." Lawrien scowled. "Narascha wanted to go home to Orzammar."
"Yes, but I like being with you so much more." Narascha smiled warmly. "We're all together like this. Everyone's here. Even your brothers and sisters."
Lawrien could see them. Astride, Fausten, Kara. They were all here with Myra and Anders and Jowan. Ciara waved to them, grinning brightly. They all wore Grey Warden uniforms too.
"Aren't you happy they joined the Grey Wardens?" Ciara asked, reaching out to touch her shoulder. "They finally got to come home and be with you again. You're no longer alone-"
"You heavily underestimate what I want." Lawrien slapped 'Ciara's' hand away. "I thought you were a powerful Sloth demon, but I guess you're an idiot."
"I don't understand." Ciara flinched. "Why are you-"
"Sure, I don't want to be alone, but I want their dreams to come true," Lawrien spat. "I want Sten to be the best he can be, and if that means leading the Qunari, then he can go right ahead. If that means I have to fight him one day then I'll fight with everything I've got. If they all have to leave me to be happy then I'll fight for that! There's a whole world of people out there, and if you think any distance will ruin any of my relationships then you haven't figured me out at all."
A chuckle made her pause. "As relentless as always."
Mouse leaned against the doorway into the main hall, smirking. Lawrien grinned at Mouse as fire flared out of her fists. "Nobody messes with my friends wants, otherwise I'll kick their ass!"
"Then go do what you do best," Mouse said. "I'll be here to introduce you to a few spirits when you're done beating people up who will help you learn their shapes."
"Spirits?" Lawrien blinked.
"An undead skeleton on fire, a golem-"
Lawrien beamed. "Hell yeah! Fake Ciara, come here so I can kick your ass!"
.::.
Mouse huffed. "I didn't even get to finish and yet she's already off."
He was pissed. This little Sloth demon was after his Amells. The Amell family was his. Just as Epona Mahariel was Witherfang's to protect.
This lazy piece of shit was trying to feed on what was theirs and that wouldn't do at all. Mouse paused thoughtfully, feeling a pulse of rage, and smiled.
Epona Mahariel was awake now too, but would she remain awake willingly when her family was all around her? Or would she try go back to sleep? Either way, he supposed it didn't matter. Witherfang wouldn't allow it, and neither would Lawrien.
Lawrien would drag all of her companions out of this dream world kicking and screaming, and as for those trapped in their nightmares? She would destroy them with every ounce of strength she had.
That was who Lawrien Amell was. A protector. A fighter. A friend.
She would always look after her friends.
.::.
"Lady Myra? Is everything alright?" A man's voice called to her.
Myra blinked, startled out of her daydream. What had she been thinking of again? A tower? Myra shook her head and looked at the man before her. A dark haired teenager with bright blue eyes. Right, she had been speaking with Lord Saemus. They were at the ball celebrating his father's birthday. She could see her siblings, all chatting or dancing. Kara had taken over the dance floor, her skirts whirling brightly as her and her friend danced together. Astride was quietly sipping his wine at the food table, eyeing his friend, while Fausten flirted with one of the maids, eyes bright. Their mother was speaking with the Viscount now, smiling warmly. Lawrien wasn't here though. Where was she? Where was Ciara? Anders? Jowan?
Wait, no, that wasn't right. How did she know them?
"My head is a little fuzzy," Myra admitted, eyeing Saemus.
"How about we get some air? Clear your head?" Saemus suggested, offering his hand which she reluctantly took.
He escorted her to the balcony, his arm around her. Wrong. This was wrong. Why did this all feel so wrong?
"Myra, we've been friends for years," Saemus said, flashing her a nervous smile. "And I was hoping to take our friendship to the next stage."
"What are you asking?" She frowned, confused.
How did she even get here? Myra didn't remember putting on this dress. She didn't remember arriving here. None of this was right. She hadn't seen Astride, Fausten or Kara in years. They had all been taken to the Circle.
"I wish to court you, Myra," Saemus said, leaning closer to her, one hand cupping her cheek, but she pulled away, a flash of blonde hair and brown eyes and a warm smile hitting her, making her heart feel heavy with worry. "Myra?"
Myra knew that blonde man. Something had happened to him. She needed to help him. It took her a painfully long time to realise that she was dreaming. None of this was real.
"Myra, are you okay?" Saemus reached out to her, his brow furrowed, but a familiar rat scurried in between them, nipping at Saemus. "Ow! What in the world-"
Screams erupted throughout the ballroom. Myra whirled round, shocked to see a flaming undead creature she had only ever seen in books rush towards them, other nobles fleeing from it. The flaming undead glowed brightly for a moment before a very familiar face wearing the attire of a Warden-Commander replaced the corpse. Lawrien grinned at her.
"Myra, I'm glad you're alright!" Lawrien collided into her, wrapping her up in a warm embrace.
Someone had messed with her mind. Gently she pushed Lawrien back, recalling her own Spirit, her own hope in the world.
"Hope!" Myra bellowed and a familiar ball of energy rushed to her side. The Spirit of Hope nuzzled her cheek happily, chirping like a bird. "Hope, you know what I need."
"Myra, don't-" Saemus cried but the rat only snarled at him and he cringed back fearfully as the healing warmth enveloped Myra.
Myra remembered. She nearly destroyed high town in Kirkwall. She remembered Lawrien hugging her, calming her. They had sat together in the Knight-Commander's office and together they had been sent to Ferelden to start a new life, torn from their mother's side.
She remembered Anders and Jowan and Ciara and Cullen.
Cullen who was missing. Her head was fuzzy, she was supposed to be dancing with Saemus, a good match for her, but not the right one. She remembered Cullen. Myra loved Cullen. It hurt that she had forgotten him, even for a moment.
She regained her focus once she noticed Hope bounce angrily off of the rat and remembered that this was Mouse, the Pride demon stalking her family. Myra gathered the ball of energy up into her arms as Mouse turned into a bear, roaring a challenge at the spirit.
"Myra, this is so awesome! I can change into all these different forms now!" Lawrien beamed and Myra nearly yelped when she turned into a golem of all things. "Look!" The golem jumped gleefully and Myra barely managed to brace herself against the wall. 'Saemus' meanwhile was thrown off his feet and hit the ground hard.
Myra sighed, but began to stalk off towards the main doors, she left the balcony and ignored all the scattered nobles still screaming at the sight of the huge golem following happily after her, still chattering away while switching forms.
The main doors opened up to reveal a purple portal and Myra stormed through without hesitation, ignoring the cries of despair from what could have been her life. It could have been if she hadn't been born with magic, but it wasn't.
She was Myra Amell, sister of multiple idiots, and lover of Cullen, and she was going back home.
.::.
Epona panted heavily, her hands on her knees. She could hear her clan's yells, calling her name, all worried, and it took everything she had not to reply. Witherfang sat by her feet, watching her with calm eyes. She shakily ran a hand over his fur, breathing in deep.
"I can't fight them, nor can I bare to see them harmed, even if they are all demons masquerading as my loved ones," Epona admitted shakily.
Witherfang whined in response.
"I know, I know, it's soft of me, but if I ever hurt them I would only be harming myself," Epona said softly, pulling her hood tighter over her hair. She wasn't sure if covering her hair would help, this was a dream after all, but this was a forest, and her red hair had always been noticeable. "I've caught my breath. Let's go, Witherfang."
Witherfang bolted off into the trees, and Epona sprinted after him.
.::.
Myra and Lawrien as a golem stalked into a new dream, the dream this time was the qunari's, Sten's. Sten met their gazes and much to Myra's surprise he actually reacted to the golem. His eyes went wide, his mouth falling open, before it changed back to stoic. Lawrien laughed at the sight and changed back to her human form.
"Hey, Sten. I'm glad we found you," Lawrien greeted.
The qunari was sitting at a campfire near Lake Calenhad with several others. There was one cooking while the other threw him cheeky remarks. Sten felt oddly at ease with them, unlike when he was walking through the Circle itself. It made sense, Myra supposed, they must have been close. He felt very nostalgic, pained but hopeful.
"Shanedan, Warden," Sten greeted.
Lawrien looked strangely small next to Sten as she sat down on the log by his side, Mouse was resting on her shoulder, despite all her transformations he hadn't once been knocked off her shoulder. In fact he seemed rather content. Hope kept close to Myra's side, which was a relief, otherwise those two would keep picking fights with each other. Every time the spirit and demon got too close to each other they seemed ready to fight. It was a bit troublesome.
"Whose this small thing you're talking to?" the qunari attempting to cook asked, looking bewildered.
The older looking one scowled. "Don't bother the sten. You should be keeping an eye on your cooking."
"Not like I can cook anything in this miserable, frozen country."
Lawrien nodded, looking oddly solemn. "It is pretty cold. I'm sorry, Sten."
She had no idea how Lawrien could sort out through all the emotions the Sten was feeling. He was a bundle of them, filled with regret and anger and distress and longing, but at the same time amused and puzzled. He was oddly calm too despite it all and it made her head spin trying to focus on him. She decided to hug Hope to her chest instead, listening to the sweet bird-like sing song trill it gave her in return.
"Don't be sorry, Warden," Sten replied, glancing over her. "Why are you wearing different attire?"
"I dreamt I was the Commander."
"You are the Commander."
"The Blight had ended and the world was saved. We all lived, but it wasn't right." Lawrien frowned, folding her hands beneath her chin as she stared deeply into the fire. "Ciara wasn't Ciara. None of you were yourselves. You shouldn't have even been there if the Blight was over. You should have gotten your sword back and left."
Lawrien's eyes sparked with a burning rage. "None of you had accomplished your goals."
Hope writhed against her at the very thought, looking distressed but Myra only hushed it, thinking of her own hope that the Tower would be restored, that Lawrien and Ciara would survive the Blight, that they would all meet again, after the war was over and things were peaceful once more. Hope settled at that, much more pleased.
"Sloth got it completely wrong. He didn't understand what I wanted," Lawrien hissed and the camp fire began to flicker before them, more sharper, angrier, than before despite it only being an illusion.
"Has the little thing seen the darkspawn?" the cook asked.
"Don't interrupt the sten, karashok," the other chided.
He huffed though. "We've been here for days! There's no sign of any threat! Can we go home now?"
"No," Sten replied.
"Sten, we need to go. The Archdemon is still waiting," Lawrien said.
"It can wait."
The older qunari snorted. "Feed it the karashok's cooking. That should end it."
Lawrien's mouth twitched into an smile for a brief second.
"Better yet, feed it the ashad. That would take care of it and do us a favour."
Sten stood up from the campfire, staring down at Lawrien who blinked up at him. "I'm no fool, Warden. I know this is a dream. You just appeared to me as a golem."
"I know. You're smart." Lawrien grinned, jumping back up on to her feet. Myra noted that the angrily flickering fire settled, seemingly soothed now.
"It's a dream, but it's a good dream."
Was he seeking permission to stay behind? Myra could barely shift through all the emotions washing over him. On the outside he looked so calm, so settled.
Inside he was a whirlwind.
"I think you know why you're still dreaming that you're in Ferelden," Lawrien said, crossing her arms.
Sten sighed. "I do."
"You know they are dead, murdered by the darkspawn, and their swords have been taken, along with yours. You need them all back to return them home. So you couldn't go back, even while you dreamt. You know what you need to do, Sten," Lawrien said, her voice growing sharper. "So you need to get up and get back to work. For your men, and the lives you took from the people who saved you."
Sten grunted, but nodded at her. "For once you might be right, Warden Commander."
Lawrien smiled. "Unusual for me."
"You can't abandon your post!" the karashok protested.
"Stand aside. I would hate to see you both die again," Sten ordered.
"No! Don't leave us again!"
"Mouse. Get rid of them," Lawrien ordered and strangely enough Mouse complied without even a token of protest. A flare of energy swept off the demon and instantly the fake qunari cowered, vanishing in a puff of smoke the moment Mouse stood on Lawrien's shoulder.
"What is that?" Sten frowned at Mouse.
"The demon who stalks me," Lawrien said cheerfully.
Sten grumbled. "I hate magic."
Lawrien stretched out her arms. "Yet it is a big part of the world."
"Unfortunately."
Lawrien stuck out her tongue, then transformed back into that undead fire skeleton again. Sten froze at the sight of it, disgusted, but Lawrien laughed. Myra had to admit, it was pretty amusing seeing his expression finally change.
"This is great fun!" she beamed. "Right, let's go rescue the others, then kick this Sloth demon's ass and get out of here."
"Would it not be better to take the fight to the demon?" Sten scowled. "Finding everyone will take up too much time.
Myra frowned. "Unfortunately we do not know if our companions will come back out of the Fade with us or be trapped forever in their dreams once we take out the Sloth demon. It could be that, if they are unaware that what they are seeing is a dream, that they might be trapped here forever."
"Yeah, I'm not risking that," Lawrien said. "Let's go find our friends and get out of here."
.::.
Epona scowled. "This damnable place again."
They were back in the ruins she had lost Tamlen. Witherfang threw her a mournful look, but walked on, and Epona matched his pace.
"Duncan and Lawrien saved me from these ruins," Epona said softly. "I wish they could have saved Tamlen too. I don't understand entirely what happened that day either. How did they find me outside the ruins? And why not Tamlen? Where did he go?"
Witherfang whined.
"Does he... Does he reincarnate too?" Epona asked, hesitantly.
Witherfang didn't answer. Just kept walking.
"I sort of hope he does, and Lyna too. That means at least we're always together, even in other lifetimes, right?" Epona offered.
Witherfang looked up at her, but tensed up when they heard the snap of a branch. Epona raised her bow, but had to lower it when she saw Tamlen staring back at her from the trees.
"Epona, why are you running from us?" Tamlen asked softly, his face heavy with worry, and Epona wanted to run her fingers over his skin, sooth away the stress and fear.
She bit her lip.
Tamlen eyed her mouth, his brow furrowed, and he took a few steps towards her, concern flashing in his eyes. Witherfang leapt between them, barking and snarling. Tamlen drew his sword, but Epona turned on her heels and ran.
"Witherfang, run!" Epona yelled.
"Epona, please!" Tamlen cried out, and the sound of it ached. "Don't go. Don't leave me!"
Epona had to. There was no future living in her dreams. She had to wake up and live again. She wasn't just Epona Mahariel of the Dalish anymore, she was a Grey Warden too. She had to save the world from the Blight and protect her clan. All the Dalish clans.
It was the best way for Epona to protect Lyna and ensure she had a world to grow up in still, and Epona would do anything for her daughter, hers and Tamlen's daughter. A wall of fire exploded behind her, climbing up towards the sky. Epona's heart lurched and she turned back at her clan's cries.
"They're fine!" Lawrien yelled, but whatever the hell that thing was, it wasn't Lawrien. It was a skeleton on fire.
Epona stared.
Undead on fire skeleton had Lawrien's voice and was standing next to a portal at the entrance of the ruins. Sten and Myra were beside her.
"Something to do with spirits, I don't know," Myra sighed. "But Lawrien is somehow a burning skeleton."
"It's awesome!" The skeleton beamed.
Epona shook her head. "I would normally have questions, but I'm running from my clan right now, and yes, I don't... I don't think I want to know... Can we go?"
Lawrien cackled as Myra nodded and turned back into the portal, Sten on her heels. Lawrien took Epona's hand, and oddly enough it didn't burn. Her hand was warm, and felt solid. Thank Mythal she wasn't actually dead then. Epona had her fill of weird things for one day.
"This is where me and Duncan found you," Lawrien mused.
"It feels like such a long time ago now," Epona admitted.
"Yeah, so much has happened," Lawrien murmured. "I'm glad you were awake. I was worried what you might have ran into, Epona."
"An odd place to awaken in, nice, but weird. Witherfang protected me from losing myself to the Sloth demon," Epona said, glancing down at Witherfang.
"Surprised he followed us here," Lawrien admitted, then tugged her hand. "Let's go."
"Right." Epona nodded, and together they jumped through the portal.