A/N The paranoid tank engine tells her story. Tissue/hanky warning when she tells about her early life, if you're super sensitive to stories, as it's a very sad story.
I'm Charity, the anxious and paranoid tank engine. I got that way because of the way my first fireman, when I was a baby engine, treated me dreadfully. He had a temper and took it out on me, swearing, yelling and beating his shovel on me. When we met, he was angry about having to work on a tank engine and raged about how he thought it was dreadful to have to do so. He was very nasty about it and I was so hurt, I sobbed, my first cry. I met my first driver that day as well. "Driver, how come I've got leaky eyes?" I said, in a sob-filled voice. He explained it to me, as he pulled a piece of cloth from his pocket and dried my tears. He tuned into me, to recognize my values and be attentive to my cues, accepting me by letting me vent, validating my emotion. He didn't try to fix my mood, but he dried my tears and was there for me with care and compassion, comforting me until I felt better, wiping away my tears. Then, he climbed into my cab with the sodden cloth, from me crying into it. My first fireman hated me crying, wishing I could control myself, but said at least I wouldn't rust, as long as I cried with someone like Driver around, someone to dry the tears from my eyes.
I thought my first fireman would calm down, but he couldn't acknowledge I was alive, telling Driver to "Stop her leaking," when I cried. He remained nasty and cruel, leading me to severe anxiety crying when he arrived in the morning. As I opened the floodgates, Driver comforted me though my wailing, as he did every time I cried. I sobbed myself to sleep when he was about to retire, as he wiped the tears from my eyes. The last thing he did as my driver was to wipe my eyes. I told him I wanted my next driver to be someone who would wipe my pain away, when he first warned me about that. Back to my first fireman. Before he left me to work with a faceless engine, I was weeping non-stop when he was with me and I wasn't working. I was paranoid and anxious about what he might do, so I had a red face and red, puffy eyes more often than not from my crying spells. Sometimes, it was mild and other times moderate or severe. When it was severe, my fireman would say things like "Stop that howling!", but I couldn't until I was ready or had no more tears to cry. My next fireman was a quiet and calm person, a relaxed, yet stubborn at times, introverted yet friendly, logical and rational. He didn't always know how to handle my emotions, but he just let Driver at the time handle it when I needed someone to dry my eyes.
My crew wanted an engine psychologist to see me after my first fireman left. I was diagnosed with dreadful anxiety, because of my paranoia and all my tears. My anxiety makes me compassionate, sensitive, attentive and hypervigilant. I'm extremely emotional, someone who feels very deeply. When I'm comfortable with someone and overwhelmed with emotion, I'm very expressive. Emotions aren't scary or uncomfortable to me. I'm prone to tears because of my anxiety, frequently crying uncontrollably. But Driver does what he can to try to comfort me when I can't stop crying, so my eyes and cheeks have become quite familiar with the touch of a cloth. However, I know in my mind Skarloey Railway's a nice place. I came here because my original railway was dieselizing, leading to me having frequent, severe anxiety crying spells, unable to stop crying until I had no more tears to shed when not working, because I was paranoid about being scrapped and replaced by a diesel. My crew came back from break to find me crying and wailing loudly, my face tearstained and wet. Driver patiently supported me through all my bawling, listening attentively and giving me care and compassion, pressing a cloth to my eyes to catch my waterfall tears. Driver knows when I've got sodden cheeks, more often than not from anxiety crying, it's time to dry my tears. He gently rubs my cheeks and wipes my eyes dry, he told me as an act of practical comfort. I was always a very sensitive engine, which is why I reacted so to my mistreatment, though I can also be rather cheeky or dreamy and idealistic. But as long as I've got Driver, I know he's here for me and if I'm not too ill or damaged to live before he retires, I shall get a new one. But I believe that driver will provide comfort for me, as my first driver told me living engines are to have drivers willing to offer comfort. I've shed a great many tears in my life, so that's very important to me. That's my story, so far.
A/N Because she's my OC, I play with things I'm unsure of, but still open to, for engines. I looked up anxiety crying.