The Mayhem Critic
Hello, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker bringing you another hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Well, I wanted to review this movie after I bought it on DVD. And of course, I'm talking about Disney's Zombies. Let's see if the popular Disney Channel original movie doesn't annoy Sean the Mayhem Critic. Will he enjoy it or will he not like it? Let's take a look at the new chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Enjoy.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story and all material belong to their respective sources. Zombies is owned by Disney and Disney Channel.
Episode Eighteen
Disney's Zombies
We see Sean a.k.a. the Mayhem Critic sitting at his desk, this time he is on his laptop reading comments from different readers regarding today's movie that he's reviewing.
"Boy, everyone want me to review this movie. I know you all want me to review this movie, but really? You couldn't ask me to review anything else besides this one? I've been reading over your comments and you all have a lot to say to me. This one's from Guest: "Please review Zombies." This is from ZombiesFan: "You've gotta review Zombies. We want to know your opinion for this movie." Another review from MegMilo: "Where's the Zombies review? What's taking so long?" Oh, and here's one from Guest #2: "Review Zombies you…." Okay, that's not very nice to say. Well, I know you all want me to review this movie. And it's about that time. Cue the intro." Sean said as the intro starts.
(The intro starts with a shot of Sean's house after we see the sun shining. We then see Sean getting up out of bed and getting ready to start the day while Tears for Fears' Everybody Wants to Rule the World play out. Next, we see Sean going to a movie theater while reading a newspaper, he reads an article about Kim Possible, the live action movie for Disney Channel and the cast they picked out to play Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable, the two actors are revealed to be newcomer Sadie Stanley and Sean Giambrone from ABC's The Goldbergs. A shocked look appears on Sean's face as he throws the newspaper down and enters the movie theater to go see Teen Titans Go! to the Movies and realizes what he's about to go see and runs out of the movie theater)
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one. Let's talk about Disney Channel." Sean said.
(A photo of the current logo for Disney Channel is shown, as well as photos from old shows from Disney Channel and current shows are shown)
Sean: (Narrating) Ah, Disney Channel. An important part of my childhood. I was first introduced to the Disney Channel when I watched the movie Halloweentown for the first time. In fact, I grew up watching the shows on Disney Channel when I was seven years old. Shows like So Weird, Even Stevens, Lizzie McGuire, That's So Raven, The Famous Jett Jackson, The Proud Family. When I was growing up, there were other shows on Disney Channel that I loved watching like Phil of the Future, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody and believe it or not Hannah Montana. I was around 14 years old at the time and I had a crush on Miley Cyrus. Since then, I didn't watch Disney Channel for a while since my mom got rid of cable and I was missing out on new shows and back in 2011, mom started getting cable again, this time Dish Network. I was 19 and I went back to my childhood, watching the current new shows like A.N.T. Farm, Jessie, Good Luck Charlie and Wizards of Waverly Place. Over the years, Disney Channel has given us good shows like Girl Meets World, Best Friends Whenever, Andi Mack, Raven's Home, Bunk'd and Stuck in the Middle. But then, the execs at Disney Channel have made some dumb decisions that I would like to punch them in the brain like cancelling Girl Meets World and green-lighting a stupid show involving a kid with a talking right hand.
"But the best part about Disney Channel would have to be the DCOMs." Sean said.
(Photos and clips from different Disney Channel original movies are shown)
Sean: (Narrating) Who doesn't love Disney Channel's original movies? They're pretty good. Well, some of them. But the best DCOMs in my opinion are Dadnapped, Halloweentown, Halloweentown II: Kalabar's Revenge, Adventures in Babysitting, Invisible Sister, Cloud 9, Girl vs. Monster. Okay, it's a lot to list but I like all of them. But then, Disney Channel came up with an idea for a new original movie in the throws of High School Musical, Descendants and Descendants 2.
"And this little movie is simply called Zombies." Sean said.
(The title card for Disney's Zombies is shown, as well as clips from the film)
Sean: (Narrating) Aired February 16, 2018 on Disney Channel, Zombies tells the tale of zombies and cheerleaders and a love story between a beautiful cheerleader and a zombie.
(A clip from Ghoulies is shown)
Rebecca (Played by Lisa Pelikan): That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
"That's the same reaction I had when I first read about it. I mean, was Disney Channel running out of ideas?"
Sean: (Narrating) Actually, it's based on an unaired TV pilot produced by the Disney Channel in 2012. It was known as Zombies and Cheerleaders, where it starred Luke Benward, Maia Mitchell and John DeLuca. This was remade into a movie. The film was directed by Paul Hoen, who's best known for directing a couple of episodes of Andi Mack, Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide, Zeke and Luther, The Secret World of Alex Mack, The Jersey, The Journey of Allen Strange and Even Stevens. He even directed a ton of DCOMs like Invisible Sister, How to Build a Better Boy, Cloud 9, Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam, Let it Shine, The Luck of the Irish, Jump In, Read it and Weep and Dadnapped. And the movie was written by David Light & Joseph Raso, who were both the writers of Zombies & Cheerleaders.
"Let's see if this movie is the best DCOM on Disney Channel or should we just shoot the movie in the head. This is Disney's Zombies.
Sean: (Narrating) Our film opens with a little backstory on a perfect town of Seabrook. The most perfect town in the U.S.A.
Addison: (V/O) We all have perfect homes, perfect clothes, the perfect life. Yep. Everything was perfect.
"Boy, this town is a little too perfect. Are you sure you're not robots?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Everything was perfect in Seabrook until an incident happened at the Seabrook Power Plant.
Zed: (V/O) Who would have thought that an accident involving lime soda would set off the apocalypse.
"What?" Sean asked with a confused look on his face.
Zed: (V/O) Who would have thought that an accident involving lime soda would set off the apocalypse.
"An accident that was caused by some idiot who spilled lime soda and the explosion caused half the population of Seabrook to turn into brain-eating zombies. Oh, so I guess the zombie outbreak in The Walking Dead was caused by someone spilling lime soda at the power plant." Sean said.
(A clip from Ghoulies is shown again)
Rebecca: That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
"You can't be serious, movie. An accident involving lime soda caused a zombie apocalypse? That could never ha…" Sean said as he accidentally knocks over his can of 7-Up onto his laptop. "Aww, crap I spilled 7-Up all over my…"
An explosion is seen, causing Sean to turn into Nemesis from Resident Evil 3: Nemesis.
"Staaaaars!" Sean said, in his Nemesis voice.
Sean: (Narrating) And because half of the population were turned into brain-eating zombies, they built a barrier to protect the people of Seabrook from the zombie hordes. This side of Seabrook is called Zombietown. We see that a lot has changed fifty years ago since the zombie outbreak and here we meet one of the characters named Zed….
(A picture of Lord Zedd from Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers is shown)
Sean: (Narrating) No, not that Zedd. This is Zed.
Zed (Played by Milo Manheim): I'm Zed. And yeah… I'm a zombie.
Sean: (Narrating) This is Zed, he's played by Milo Manheim. And yeah, he told us that he's a zombie. He tells us that zombies have to wear government issue coveralls and they have a curfew. Also, they wear a bracelet on their wrists called Z-Bands that delivers a dose of soothing electromagnetic pulses to keep them from craving brains. Also, Zed is hyped that zombies can attend human high school and he gets to try out for the school's high school. Team
Zed: Go, Seabrook!
(We see Zed working out to join the school's football team)
Sean: (Narrating) Zed continues to walk us through zombie life and he introduces us to his adorable zombie sister Zoey, played by Kingston Foster. We learn that Zoey really wants a dog but zombies aren't allowed to have pets, so Zed pretends to be a dog.
(Zed mimics dog barking)
Zoey (Played by Kingston Foster: Come, Zed. Come.
(Zed crawls to Zoey and barks)
Zoey: Good boy.
"In case you recognize who Kingston Foster is, she played Joey's daughter Joan Gladstone in the Netflix show Fuller House. Which reminds me, I have to review the show for future episodes of The Mayhem Critic." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We're even introduced to Zed's father Zevon, played by Tony Nappo and he's a little enthusiastic about his son trying out for the football team.
Zevon (Played by Tony Nappo) I'm not so sure about this whole football thing, you know? It might be too much. I mean, I mean you're a great kid. It's just… you haven't spent a whole lot of time around humans and humans don't really like zombies.
Zed: That's just 'cause they haven't met me yet.
"Okay, I just have one question: how the hell are zombies able to reproduce?" Sean asked. "I've never thought of zombies having babies or a male zombie getting a female zombie pregnant. Is it something I missed on The Walking Dead? Did they show two zombies having sex? What am I missing here?"
Sean: (Narrating) On the other side of the fence, we're introduced to another character named Addison…
Addison (Played by Meg Donnelly): Hi, I'm Addison.
"Well, hi there you little blonde ball of sunshine." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) This is Addison, she's played by American Housewife's Meg Donnelly, she tells the viewers her experience of being in cheer camp and she's fired up for trying out for the Seabrook Cheer Squad. We also learn a little something about Addison. She's not that quite perfect. Maybe it's the hair.
Addison: (After revealing to the viewers that she wears a wig to hide her naturally white hair) In some places this hair might be odd in like a cool way but not at Seabrook. People here hate anything that's different.
"Yeah, Addison has naturally white hair like Charlize Theron from Atomic Blonde and she wears a wig to hide her white hair. Well, Meg Donnelly is a blonde. I mean, her character had brown hair in the first two seasons of American Housewife until she dyed it later on in season two." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We're also introduced to Addison's parents. Her mother Missy, who is the mayor of Seabrook, played by Marie Ward. And her father Dale, who is the Chief of the Zombie Patrol, played by Paul Hopkins. They're excited for their daughter trying out for cheerleading.
Missy (Played by Marie Ward): As mayor, I beseech you. You make that team and win that Cheer Championship.
Addison: "Beseech me?"
"Jesus, lady. Calm down. You're starting to act like that one woman from World's Dumbest where she was too hyped at a cheer competition." Sean said. "Beseech her? Who says that anymore?"
Sean: (Narrating) And then we get our first song of the film. This one is called My Year.
Addison: I'm fired up, tryouts today
I'm gonna blow 'em away, yeah
Dad says I can't go wrong, no
As long as I keep this on, oh
Zed: (Raps) Now, now what everybody
Let me set the scene, fresh new start
For your boy Young Z
You saw pops for a dad he's cool
He's just a little stressed
'Bout my first day of school
Sean: (Narrating) After the first song ends, we see that zombies are joining Seabrook High and we see that Bucky, Addison's cousin, is not too thrilled about it. Bucky is played by The Next Step's Trevor Torjd…Tjord…Fjord…just call him Trevor.
Bucky (Played by Trevor Torjdman): Those freaks are nothing like us. They tried to eat our grandfather.
Addison: It was just a small…bite.
"Yeah, I mean it's not like they turned our grandfather into one of them. At least he lived. He'll have a scar on his arm but he'll live." Sean said, imitating Addison.
Sean: (Narrating) We see that Addison is making friends on her first day. She befriends a girl named Bree, played by Carla Jeffery. Bree is really excited about being on the Cheer Squad. As for the zombies, they have classes in the basement. Wait, what?
"Well, that's a very shitty way of treating Zombies for the first day of school." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Zed sneaks out of the basement and heads to football practice and unlike Solid Snake from Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain, he ends up getting spotted by one of the cheerleaders.
Stacey (Played by Jasmine Renee Thomas): (After seeing Zed) Rogue zombie!
Zed: Wait, what?
(Stacey runs and rings the Z-Alarm)
"Oh, nice work dumbass. Thanks to you, they're gonna come after you and blow your brains out!" Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Some of the other students begin to freak out after seeing Zed and a few end up chasing Zed to give him an ass-beating. Zed hides out in the zombie safe room with Addison following him and the two end up meeting.
Addison: Hello?
Zed: Hello?
Addison: You're safe for now.
Zed: I'm Zed. What's your name?
Addison: Addison. Nice to meet you.
(The lights come on and Addison realizes that Zed is a zombie)
Addison: (Screams) Zombie!
(Addison punches Zed in the face. Zed groans)
"Christ! It's a good thing that she wasn't packing a .45 automatic pistol because if she did, then it would be the shortest first day in your life." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Addison takes a liking to Zed and the two become friends and she ends up falling for him until Bucky arrives and takes his cousin away from Zed.
Stacey: Ew.
Tracey (Played by Mickeey Nguyen): Nasty.
Lacey (Played by Emilia McCarthy): Zombie germs.
Bucky: If you ever touch my cousin again it won't be pretty, which as you can see, is off-brand for me.
(Tracey pulls out a can of hand sanitizer and sprays it on Bucky's hand and Bucky starts wiping his hands)
"Boy, to quote Marty McFly from Back to the Future Part III, "He's an asshole!"." Sean said.
Zed: Progress. We're making progress.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, we see that Zed is about to try out for the football team, but the football coach says no, we can't have a zombie on the field, which upsets Zed. Zed talks to his friends Eliza and Bonzo, played by Kylee Russell and James Godfrey. Zed tells Eliza about Addison and she tells him that humans are bad but cheerleaders are monsters.
"That's not true! My girlfriend Taylor was a cheerleader in high school when we met. She's not a monster. Well, some cheerleaders are monsters." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Back to Addison, we see that her and Bree are trying out for the Seabrook Cheer Squad, where Flame-O, I mean Bucky introduces himself and his assistant captains Stacey played by Jasmine Renee Thomas, Lacey played by Emilia McCarthy from the DCOM Zapped starring Zendaya and Tracey played by Mickeey Nguyen. And they call themselves the Aceys.
"What the fu…The Aceys? Really, movie? That sounds like the name of an award show for TV shows and movies." Sean said.
(Cutaway Gag)
Sean: (V/O as announcer) Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 50th Annual Aceys Award Show, sponsored by Wendy's, Ford and Pepsi. With your host Stephen Colbert and a special performance by Beyonce.
(Cutaway Gag Ends)
Addison: Captain Bucky, was that funky chicken Cajun or shake and bake?
Bucky: Well, I've never heard of Cajun, so, spice it up.
"Yeah, if you've never heard of Cajun, then the Cajuns of southern Louisiana are gonna come after you." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Cheer tryouts begin and we get our next song called Fired Up and I have to say I like this song and it's very upbeat.
We were made for this
There's nothing we can't do
We came to play, we're here to stay
And win the day 'cause
We were made for this
Didn't come here to lose
We came to play, we're here to stay
What's left to say when we know
Sean: (Narrating) After that rousing musical number ends, Addison makes the Cheer Squad and so does Bree. Then Bucky makes this speech.
Bucky: People love cheer. That's what makes me so important. And I'd hate to see that change. Change is upon us now that zombies have entered our school. Cheer is threatened.
"Oh, brother. It's Disney's version of Arjen Rudd from Lethal Weapon 2. At least replace Bucky's dialogue with this." Sean said.
Bucky: (His dialogue is replaced by Arjen Rudd's dialogue) The policies of our government are not popular here in America, as you know. The police department of this city is overrun with blacks. They have badges and guns, and they hate us.
"Never let Richard Donner direct a DCOM." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) After Addison and Bree made it on the Mighty Shrimp, it's initiation time. What's that? That's when Bucky takes them to Zombietown and pull a prank on the Zombies by throwing eggs at their houses. One of the zombies spot the van, scaring Bucky and the Aceys as they drive off, leaving Addison and Bree behind. Addison and Bree hide and Addison really should learn how to play Metal Gear Solid V.
(Zed sees Addison and Addison sees Zed)
Zevon: Zed, anybody there?
Zed: Uh, no. Nobody.
(The Nicholas Fraser music video Why You Always Lying plays)
Nicholas Fraser: (Sings) Why the fuck you lying? (Why?)
Why you always lying? (Why)
Mhmmmm oh my god, stop fucking lying
Sean: (Narrating) Addison realized that life is shitty for the Zombies and that screwing with them is not right. Addison tries to tell her cousin Bucky that picking on them isn't right but Arjen Rudd Jr. spouts his bullshit.
Bucky: Zombies distract people from what's really important. Like cheer. Us. Me.
Addison: But we can't go around tormenting them.
Bucky: (After pushing a strand of her blonde hair away) It's best that you don't question things.
"Ugh, a dumb cousin with a dumb name." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Addison heads down to the basement to apologize to Zed and telling him that her cousin is a jerk about zombies and last night was cheer initiation.
Addison: Uh, see you at the pep rally this afternoon?
Eliza (Played by Kylee Russell): Zombies don't do pep rallies.
"Well, that's all going to change, Renee from Girl Meets World." Sean said, referencing the character that actress Kylee Russell played in the Girl Meets World episode Girl Meets True Maya back in the show's third and final season.
Bree (Played by Carla Jeffery): There's zombies at the pep rally!
Bucky: They wouldn't dare.
"Oh, they would. Trust me." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Much to the surprise of Addison and to the dismay of Bucky and some of the students of Seabrook High, the zombies arrive at the pep rally and Bucky has a diabolical plan to aggro them. And here we get the start of Bucky's big entrance.
(Bucky jumps through a giant poster of himself and does his signature jazz hands as the audience applauds)
"Why, thank you. That was very necessary. Just like when Shao Kahn did a front flip down off his throne for no reason." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) During the pep rally, Bucky unleashes his sprit stick, no gay overtones, and the sight of fire sets Bonzo off.
Bonzo (Played by James Godfrey) Fire!
Zed: Bud, it's gonna be fine. Don't worry.
Sean: (Narrating) Bonzo pushes Zed down, causing his Z-Band go off for him to go full zombie. Bonzo chases some of the cheerleaders and Zed rushes over to Addison to catch her.
(Zed catches Addison, his Z-Band goes back to normal)
Zed: (After saving Addison's life) Hey.
Addison: (Smiles) Hey.
"And thus, Zeddison smut fanfiction is born. And I'm one that needs to write a Zeddison smut story. I think I'll call it Just One Love Bite." Sean said. "And I know that you all are giving me ideas for Zed & Addison smutty goodness. Who haven't thought about writing a fanfic about Addison getting freaky with Zed in bed?"
Sean then turns to his friend Brian, who has been drinking his beer during Sean's speech.
"Huh?" Brian asked as Sean glared at him.
Sean: (Narrating) The football coach interrupt Zed's thoughts of getting a piece of hot blonde cheerleader booty, the coach wants him on his football team after seeing his moves at the pep rally. And here's how Zed reacts.
Zed: (Breaks the fourth wall) Who's the zombie? I'm the zombie! And this zombie's playing some ball!
Sean: (Narrating) Zed agrees if only there are some changes like letting the zombies eat in the cafeteria. So, yeah. Zed is on the football team and the zombies are allowed to eat in the cafeteria, but a certain blonde cheerleader couldn't help but stop thinking about having dirty thoughts about Zed.
Addison: (Lovestruck) My heart's racing and my palms are sweaty.
"And not to mention I'm very horny and very we…." Sean said, imitating Addison until he gets interrupted.
(A clip from the movie Bronson plays)
Bronson (Played by Tom Hardy): Shut your fucking mouth!
"Aaah! Sorry! Hey, where the hell were you these past couple of reviews? I know that you're busy with Venom but come on Tom, I need you to keep me in check for once in a while." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Addison falls in love with Zed, much to her shock and that her parents would freak out if she told them that she likes a zombie. She goes over to where Zed's sitting to welcome him and his friends to the cafeteria.
Addison: As they say in old zombie tongue… (Speaks Zombie Gibberish) I looked it up on the Internet.
Zed: Um, you just thanked me for rubbing peanut butter on your umbrella.
(The zombies laugh)
"Meg, really? You couldn't manage to cook soup in a microwave." Sean said, referencing a scene from the Art Show episode of American Housewife where Meg's character Taylor Otto puts a can of soup in the microwave to cook it.
"Well, it's better than an egg in the microwave." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) While Addison is getting friendly with Zed and the zombies, Aryan Crudd Jr. send his brown coats to grab the perky blonde cheerleader, and they realize that there's something different about Addison.
Lacey: Your smile? Is that an overbite?
Stacey: Is one leg longer than the other?
Tracey: Do you wear corrective lenses?
Addison: No. No. No. I'm not different. I'm the same-est person you've ever met.
"That considering the fact that you were a brunette and all of a sudden you're a blonde. Yeah, you're different. You can't fool me, Donnelly!" Sean said as pictures of Meg Donnelly as Taylor Otto from American Housewife pop up, showing two promotional photos from seasons 1 and 2 of Meg with brown hair and later episodes of the second season of American Housewife and a promotional photo of her as Addison in Zombies with blonde hair.
Sean: (Narrating) The Aceys tell Addison that hanging out with zombies could be hazardous, which makes Addison sad and she runs out of the cafeteria until Zed goes to her and the two strike up a conversation with each other.
Addison: This town. This school. It's… It's hard not fitting in.
Zed: (Scoffs) Well, how would you know…you're perfect.
Sean: (V/O as Addison's thoughts) Don't mention the wig. Don't mention the wig.
Addison: It's a wig.
Sean: (V/O as Addison's thoughts) You dumb bimbo!
Addison: My real hair is freakish. And I… I can't change it.
"Hey, it worked when you dyed your hair in American Housewife, twice in one season." Sean said. "Boy, I'm dishing out the American Housewife references."
Sean: (Narrating) Zed asks if he could see Addison's real hair but she says no because her parents always made her cover her hair. The two avoid getting spotted by the cheerleaders and they hide out at the spot where they first met, the zombie safe room. And then we get our third song of the movie and to be honest, it's one of my favorites in out of this movie's soundtrack. This song is called Someday.
Zed: (Singing) I know it might be crazy
But did you hear the story
Addison: (Singing) I think I heard it vaguely
Zed: A girl and a zombie
Zed and Addison: Someday.
Addison: This could be, this could be ordinary
Zed and Addison: Someday
Addison: Could we be something extraordinary
"That's one song to add to my MP3, it is catchy as hell. I still find Lindsey Buckingham's Holiday Road a catchy as hell song as well." Sean said as he starts singing Lindsey Buckingham's Holiday Road until he ends up singing Someday performed by Milo Mannheim and Meg Donnelly. "See? I told ya."
Sean: (Narrating) After the third musical number ends, we cut to Zed's first game and he ends up sucking. Just to give him a boost, he asks Eliza to hack his Z-Band to help him win the game. And what do you know, they won their game and thanks to Zed and everyone loves him. The students at Seabrook are hanging out with the zombies but not all people could hang out with the zombies.
(The Imperial March from The Empire Strikes Back plays in the background for Bucky)
Bucky: You're either pro-cheerleader, or pro-zombie. Decide now.
Addison: Wait, what? You don't know how hard…
Bucky: What's it gonna be?
Addison: I…
"Hang with the zombies, Addison. Hang with the zombies." Sean said.
Addison: I wanna be a cheerleader.
(A clip from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade plays)
Grail Knight (Played by the late Richard Eddison) You have chosen poorly.
Sean: (Narrating) This choice sends Addison to tears, forcing her to stay as a cheerleader. With Bucky thinking that the zombie trend will pass, zombie fever continues to hit Seabrook when Zed continues to win football games. As for Zeddison, they must keep their love for each other a secret, a love so secret she ends up sneaking out of home and entering Zombietown. During the trip, Addison notices something wrong with Zed.
Addison: (After seeing Zed holding his wrist) You okay? You don't look so hot.
Zed: Ouch.
Addison: No, you know what I meant.
Sean: (V/O as Zed) Don't mention the Z-Band. Don't mention the Z-Band.
Zed: I have to mess with my Z-Band to win games.
Sean: (V/O as Zed) Son of a bitch!
"What is with you guys confessing stuff to each other? Oh, Zed. Addison's got a confession. She's dating that idiot Trip Windsor in Westport." Sean said. "Okay, that's my last American Housewife reference, I promise."
Sean: (Narrating) Zed and Addison arrive at the zombie party in Zombieland and she's quite impressed but Eliza is not thrilled with seeing a human at their party.
Eliza: You brought Little Miss Cheer-Boots to our Zombie Mash? A human? Here?
"Uh, yeah. Duh? Because I really like this girl and I want to boink her. So hard." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And then we partake in…
(A new song begins as Zed jumps out from the smoke and starts dancing and singing)
Sean: (Narrating and sighs ….the coolest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life.
(The song Bamm starts to play before Zed and the rest of the zombies start dancing)
Sean: (Narrating) Seriously, I have no complaints with Bamm. The is the most awesome thing ever since the Smooth Criminal portion in Michael Jackson's Moonwalker. This musical sequence was perfect and I was amazed plus the song was pretty catchy and I love the design, the style and the dancing. Got to give props to the choreographer. I wonder if Jeffery Hornaday was the choreographer for the movie. I know he has something to do with that movie.
"So, yeah. I like this fourth musical number for the film. I mean, I still find the Ducktales theme to be catchy as hell, but this is really catchy. I have nothing to nitpick about it." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So, after the awesomeness of Bamm, we get more plot when Zed experiences some side effects from tampering with his Z-Band like severe pain on his wrist and rashes on that area. During the party, Addison meets Zed's adorable little zombie sister Zoey after seeing her doing some cheering. Oh, and she meets Zoey's stuffed plushie dog Zander, telling her that she's old enough to have a real dog, then Eliza comes along.
Addison: I'm still learning that zombies aren't what I was taught. I mean, look at you…you're smart, cool…pretty.
Eliza: (Smiles) You think I'm pretty?
Addison: Yeah.
"Okay, unless anyone started working on that Addison/Eliza femslash smut fanfic and posted it on fanfiction, I'm checking it out. If not, then I'll be the first person to do so." Sean said, pulling out his notebook and pen from out of his desk.
Sean: (Narrating) Eliza takes Zoey home, leaving Zed and Addison alone with each other and then we get a slow ballad of the song Someday.
Zed: I know it might be crazy. But did you hear the story.
Addison: I think I heard it vaguely.
Zed: A girl and a zombie.
Sean: (Narrating) Right when Zed and Addison are about to have a romantic moment, Zed begins to notice Addison's real hair sticking out a bit.
Zed: It's beautiful. (Gently cups Addison's cheek) You're beautiful.
"Okay, this DCOM better give us a Zeddison kiss in the movie. We need to see that. They already gave us a Ben & Mal kiss in Descendants 2." Sean said.
(The lights go out, interrupting Zed and Addison's moment)
Officer: Zombies show yourselves! You're out past curfew.
"Goddamn it! Zombie Patrol can be such cockblockers." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Zombie Patrol crash the zombie party until Zombie Patrol Officer Gus, played by Michael Brown, spots Addison.
"Christ. Can somebody please let Meg Donnelly borrow Metal Gear Solid V so she could learn how to play it? That way she won't get caught." Sean said. "What? Was there no convenient box for you to hide in?"
Sean: (Narrating) Officer Gus drops Addison home and her parents are furious to know why their "perfect" daughter snuck out of the house at night.
Addison: I was out with a boy.
Dale: Oh, boy.
"A boy? Oh, Jesus. Missy, I think you should give our daughter the sex talk. I can't handle this type of stuff." Sean said, imitating the character Dale.
Missy: You will not cheer and there will be no Cheer Championship until we meet this boy.
Dale: Right, no Cheer Championships un…
Missy: Honey, I… No. It does, sweetie. I'm not changing my mind.
Dale: Right, we need to meet this boy Addison or you'll never cheer…again.
Addison: (With Clark Griswold's voice) I think you're all fucked in the head.
Sean: (Narrating) The next day, the big football match arrives as the Aceys overhear Zed and Eliza about his Z-Band hack and they report back to Bucky with the news and have his followers steal Eliza's laptop to hack Zed's Z-Band. Meanwhile on the Zeddison front, Addison tells Zed that her parents won't let her cheer until they meet him. And this could be a big problem for their blossoming romance. This gives Zed an idea by swiping right on his Z-Band and…
(We cut to a shot of Zed's house and we hear Zed screaming)
"Jeez, man!" Sean winced.
Sean: (Narrating) Back at Addison's, Addison prepares to tell her parents about Zed until he arrives and Addison notices something different about Zed.
(We see that Zed has turned himself into a human)
"A good looking guy." Sean said.
(A clip from the Seinfeld season 4 episode The Outing plays)
Kramer (Played by Michael Jacobs): Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Sean: (Narrating) Addison is surprised that Zed turned himself to a human and the two go on their first date for fro-yo before the big homecoming game.
Addison: (Reads the menu) Vanilla, vanilla, double-vanilla. Can you guess what the last one is?
"Milli Vanilli-vanilla?" Sean asked.
Zed: Vanilla.
"Damn, I was so close. You know for a fro-yo shop at Seabrook, you tend to have a lot of vanilla. Come on, at least have chocolate and strawberry as well, along with cookies and crème." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) During their first real date, Addison tells Zed that he's forced to be someone he's not and Zed brings up that Addison wears a wig to fit in. Well, not everyone is perfect and Addison tells him that it's not right and what needs to change is everybody else. During the homecoming game, Addison starts cheering for the zombies and Bucky tries to stop her.
Bucky: You are way too good of a cheerleader to throw your life away, Addison.
Addison: I'm cheering for a change…
"Bitch." Sean said, imitating Addison.
Addison: Give me a "zom"!
Crowd: Zom!
Bucky: Addison!
Addison: Give me a "bie"!
Crowd: Bie!
Bucky: I'm warning you!
Addison: What does that spell?
Crowd: Zombie!
Bucky: Last chance!
Addison: What does that spell?
Bucky: You're off the team, you freak!
"Bucky, lighten the hell up. She's just cheering for a change. Deal with it or you'll end up like this guy." Sean said.
(A clip from Lethal Weapon 2 plays, showing the scene where Murtaugh shoots Arjen Rudd in the head)
"And trust me, you don't have diplomatic immunity." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So, Addison is kicked off the cheer squad, along with Bree after she cheers for the zombies. Next, we see Stacey, Tracey and Lacey succeeding their plot by messing with Zed, Eliza and Bonzo's Z-Bands, causing them to go full zombie, sending everyone in panic mode and this makes Bucky happy.
Bucky: Yeah. My plan's working. I thought of everything.
"Aright, play the song." Sean said.
(A picture of Bucky pops while the song Asshole by Denis Leary starts playing)
"He's the world's biggest asshole!" Sean, Brian and Dave said at the same time.
Sean: (Narrating) And it was at that moment that Bucky knew that he fucked up when they couldn't come up with a plan on how to stop the zombies from eating their brains. Zed goes after Bucky and the self-centered squad leader finds himself cornered and getting ready to meet his Angel of Death.
(A clip from Batman: Mask of the Phantasm plays)
Phantasm (Voiced by Stacy Keach Jr.): Your angel of death awaits.
Sean: (Narrating) But Zed's plan to eat Zed's brains is thwarted when Officer Gus zaps him to capture him and Addison calms Zed down. The Zombie Patrol captures Zed and his friends and have them detained.
Dale: We told you, Addy. Zombies are not safe. Give them an inch…
Missy: And they'll bite your face off.
Dale: They'll bite your face off.
Sean is unable to control himself in rage from how annoying Addison's parents Dale and Missy are. "Okay. Brian, Dave. Altogether now."
"WE THINK YOU'RE BOTH FUCKED IN THE HEAD!" Sean, Brian and Dave yelled out.
Sean: (Narrating) As the zombies leave from a booing crowd, a tearful Addison is pissed off.
Addison: You did this to him. All of you! He was your monster. You made him feel like he had to risk his life to belong. Because you couldn't deal with someone different but you had no problem using him to win your stupid games.
"I feel a song coming up. An inspirational song." Sean said.
(The song Stand performed by Meg Donnelly begins)
Sean: (Narrating) And then we get our next song of the movie, Stand and this is another song I like and this one is about standing up for yourself and making a change.
Addison: I'm gonna stand strong. Nothing's stopping me I'll be loud, you'll hear me now
Sean: (Narrating) And what's this? We see that Bucky us torn between what to believe and what he just witnessed and what do you know, he starts singing.
Bucky: How can I just forget. All the things in my head.
Addison: Just stand.
Bucky: Oh.
Addison: You just stand.
"You never heard Arjen Rudd singing in Lethal Weapon 2. Well, mostly because he ordered the hit on the LAPD." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And at that moment, Addison decides to take a stand and rips off blonde wig from off of her head, revealing her naturally white hair to the world.
"And that's clearly a wig hiding Meg Donnelly's naturally blonde hair." Sean said. "I wonder how everybody would react."
(The crowd boos at Addison)
(A clip from Veep plays, showing a clip of the character Uncle Jeff, played by Peter MacNichol, laughing hysterically)
"Ouch. Not too good." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Back in Zombietown, Zed, Eliza and Bonzo are released and Eliza are extremely pissed off about the cheerleaders stealing her laptop and sabotaging their Z-Bands, decides to get even with the cheerleaders.
"Hey, it's not like Riverdale between the North Side and the South Side." Sean said. "Unless somebody gets shot during a riot. I'm looking at you, Fangs."
Sean: (Narrating) Back at Seabrook High, we see that Addison…. (Laughs)
"I'm sorry. How can I take Meg Donnelly seriously with that white wig on her head? She looks like a teenage version of Charlize Theron in Atomic Blonde." Sean said, breaking down in laughter.
Sean: (Narrating) Addison informs the viewers that Bucky is changing the line-up for the cheer squad and that he's purging anyone who isn't anti-zombie, by kicking anyone off the team if they sympathize with the zombies.
Bucky: Zombie flare? You're cut!/Look at this, more zombie apparel. You're cut!/(Cuts another member from his cheerleading group) Thank you!
"Yep, he's going full-on Arjen Rudd mode, he's going to whack every zombie in Zombietown." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We then cut to Zed and Bonzo clearing out their lockers because they're being sent back to zombies-only school and while Bonzo was clearing out Eliza's locker, they find blueprints, making a horrifying discovery. Eliza is planning on sabotaging the Cheer Championship. So, they race against time to stop Eliza. Addison and Bree spot Zed and Bonzo trying to stop Eliza from sabotaging the competition.
Zed: It's not who we are. It's not who you are. I'm not a monster. I'm a zombie. And you're a cheerleader. You're not gonna change the world through sabotage. You change the world through cheer.
Eliza: So, no sabotage?
Addison: No sabotage, Eliza. That's not who I am.
"I know that's not who you are. This is who you are." Sean said.
(A clip from American Housewife plays)
(Taylor slaps a piece of toast from out of Oliver's hand)
Taylor Otto (Played by Meg Donnelly): Bitch.
(A crowd of people boo at Sean)
"Okay, this is my last reference to American Housewife that I make on this review." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So, now Seabrook is up next and they end up failing miserably. And then Zoey gets up on the stage to try to help Bucky.
Bree: What is she doing?
Addison: She's changing things by cheering.
"Can someone get that little adorable zombie girl outta here? Some zombie killers are in the audience right now and they're armed to the teeth." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) With a little help from Addison and Zed, the cheerleaders and the zombies come together to make history. During the cheer, Bucky has a change of heart and joins the zombies and cheerleaders for the cheer. Seabrook wins the Cheer Competition, I mean, they didn't win the Cheer Competition. Zombietown welcomes Seabrook by throwing a block party. Addison gives Zoey a puppy. Zed and Addison tell each other that they love each other and the film ends with one final musical number with Bamm. So, the moral of the story is a cheerleader and a zombie can change the world. The end.
"And that was Disney's Zombies. I friggen loved it." Sean said.
(Footage from Zombies are shown)
Sean: (Narrating) Even though I thought it was Disney's dumb idea at first, it turned out to be Disney Channel's best movies yet. It surpassed the Olympics when the film premiered on Disney Channel, reaching 10.3 million viewers over 8 airings. This movie reminds me of Warm Bodies mixed with High School Musical mixed with Descendants.
"Now, let's talk about the acting. Let me give a big round of applause to the actors and big props to Meg Donnelly. She was the shining star of the film as the female lead Addison. I have seen her in American Housewife as Taylor Otto and on the show Team Toon. She took female empowerment to a whole new level. This was Milo Mannheim's film debut and he was pretty good as well, hope to see him in future projects. The cast brought something to the movie, either big or small roles. I loved the chemistry between Zed and Addison. Another good thing about this movie is the choreography and the songs, they're pretty catchy. A movie with a stunning love story and a strong message, Disney's Zombies gets 5 brains out of 5. That is all for today. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic and keep your lime sodas in the refrigerator and not near electricity, because you'll turn into a brain-eating zombie. See you guys next time." Sean said.
Mayhem Critic Tagline – Bamm!
And that was the Mayhem Critic's review of Zombies. I hope you all enjoyed reading it. And I hope that some fans of the movie read this. Next time, Sean the Mayhem Critic will be taking a look at the Top 11 TV Moms of All Time in honor of Mother's Day. If anyone could help me out with this one, let me know. Also, at the end of May, maybe around Memorial Day, I will be starting a new segment for The Mayhem Critic called The Summer of Vacation. Where I'll be taking a look at the Vacation film series this summer. Here's some of the films and months:
May: National Lampoon's Vacation (Co-Review with Boris Yeltsin)
June: National Lampoon's European Vacation, The Top 11 Funniest Vacation Moments
July: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (Co-Review with Boris Yeltsin), National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure
August: Vegas Vacation, Vacation (2015)
Hope that you're all excited for The Summer of Vacation. If there's any of the movies in the Vacation film series that you've seen and you would like to co-review with me, feel free to PM and I'll reply back. Don't forget to review this story, add this to your favorites and follow it for future updates. I'll see you guys next time for the next chapter. Till next time, my fellow readers.