The Mayhem Critic
Hello, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker bringing you another chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Well, looks like The Summer of Vacation is coming to an end when Sean the Mayhem Critic reviews the fifth entry in the Vacation film series simply titled Vacation. Let's finish up The Summer of Vacation with the review of Vacation 2015. Enjoy.
P.S.: As before, I do not own anything involved in this review. All material belongs to their respective sources. Vacation is owned by Warner Bros., New Line Cinema, BenderSpink and Big Kid Pictures.
The Summer of Vacation Part VII: Vacation (2015)
Sean a.k.a. the Mayhem Critic is seen sitting on his couch in his living room once more. He takes a sip of his Vanilla Coke and sighs a bit before talking.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one. Well, as The Summer of Vacation is winding down to a close, I figure that I'd finish up The Summer of Vacation with the fifth installment of the Vacation film series simply titled Vacation. Kinda like the first movie so that's not confusing at all but just like Vegas Vacation, it doesn't carry the National Lampoon name in front of it. Fuck it, just call it Vacation 2015." Sean said before posters from past Vacation movies are shown.
(A poster of National Lampoon's Vacation is shown)
Sean: (Narrating) Okay, National Lampoon's Vacation. Classic screwball comedy, a lot of fun. Really liked it. If you haven't seen it, I'd totally recommend it.
(A poster of National Lampoon's European Vacation is shown)
Sean: (Narrating) European Vacation, ehhhh. It was an okay film. Not as good as the first one but it was funny and it had it's moments.
(A poster of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is shown)
Sean: (Narrating) My favorite one in the series. I really, really like it. Perfect for the holidays. Again, if you haven't seen it, I'd totally recommend it as well.
(A poster of Vegas Vacation is shown)
Sean: (Narrating) My least favorite in the series. That's all I have to say for that one.
(A poster for Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure is shown)
Sean: (Narrating) Lord Jesus. No. I can't even.
(Clips from Vacation 2015 is shown)
Sean: (Narrating) Released in theaters in July 29, 2015, Vacation stars Ed Helms as Rusty Griswold, Christina Applegate as his wife Debbie Fletcher-Griswold, Skyler Gisondo and Steele Stebbins as their sons James and Kevin Griswold, Chris Hemsworth as Stone Crandall, Leslie Mann as Rusty's sister Audrey Griswold-Crandall, Chevy Chase and Beverly D'Angelo as Clark and Ellen Griswold. The film was written and directed by Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley in their directorial debuts. Goldstein and Daley were both known for working on the films Horrible Bosses, The Incredible Burt Wonderstone, Horrible Bosses 2, Spider-Man: Homecoming and the hilarious dark comedy Game Night. A pretty funny film, I totally recommend it as well.
(A photo of John Francis Daley as Dr. Lance Sweets in Bones and Sam Weir in Freaks and Geeks is shown)
Sean: (Narrating) You'll probably recognize John Francis Daly as Sam Weir in the NBC sitcom Freaks and Geeks which also starred James Franco, Seth Rogen and Lauren (Linda Cardellini) from Boy Meets World. And as the late Dr. Lance Sweets in the Fox show Bones.
"The film is considered a soft reboot of the franchise. It's not like it's gonna be the same as the original Vacation film or will it be something new and original? From the looks of reboots these days, there's no telling what they're gonna do. So, let's take a look at…" Sean said as Brian clears his throat. Sean turns around and sees Brian standing by the doorway while drinking a can of Pepsi. "What?
"Dude, don't act like you don't know. We planned this review of National Lampoon's Vacation after we finished reviewing The Fly II." Brian said.
"What the? Am I getting a sudden case of déjà vu? Anyway, let's finish up The Summer of Vacation with Vacation 2015." Sean said.
(The movie opening titles are shown)
Sean: (Narrating) The film opens with a main title sequence of different hilarious family vacations and immediately the movie hits us with nostalgia feels as it gives us a remixed and remastered version of Lindsey Buckinham's Holiday Road. And I love this version of the song. We see that Mark Mothersbaugh, the lead singer and keyboardist of the band Devo and the composer for Rugrats composed the music for this movie. After the opening credits end, we see Rusty Griswold, played by Ed Helms from The Hangover trilogy, is now an adult and working as a pilot for a low budget regional airline called Econo-Air.
Harry the Co-Pilot (Played by David Clennon): I wanna thank you for going to bat for me last week.
Rusty Griswold (Played by Ed Helms) I was happy to do it. You know, just because corporate says you're too old to fly doesn't make it true. Anything you're more qualified than us younger guys.
Harry the Co-Pilot: Means a lot to me.
Rusty Griswold: Sure thing.
Harry the Co-Pilot: Oh, and Rusty.
Rusty Griswold: Mm-hm.
Harry the Co-Pilot: I wanna thank you for going to bat for me last week.
Rusty Griswold: Yeah.
"Okay, either this guy is hit with the major case of the oldies or he's related to Jimmy Two Times from Goodfellas." Sean said.
(A clip from the movie Goodfellas is shown)
Jimmy Two Times (Played by Anthony Powers): I'm gonna go get the papers. Get the papers.
Sean: (Narrating) So, we see that Rusty is good at his job and he's very to the passengers.
Rusty Griswold: Is this your first time on a plane?
Jake (Played by Colin Hanks): We were planning on driving but, uh, Tyler here has been begging us to go on his first airplane.
Rusty Griswold: Oh, is that right?
Tyler (Played by Ethan Maher): Uh-huh. Do you think I can be a pilot when I grow up?
Rusty Griswold: Heh. Yeah, well, I don't see why not.
"If you want to fly with Harrison Ford and Launchpad McQuack, then good luck to you." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Then the plane starts to get a case of turbulence and Rusty ends up having his hands on the boy's mother's breasts and this happens.
(The plane has turbulence, causing Rusty to fly up and his head lands in the little boy's crotch. An uncomfortable look is shown on the boy's face as Rusty moves his head away)
Rusty Griswold: So sorry. Okay, you folks enjoy the rest of your flight.
(The plane continues to have some turbulence, causing Rusty to rip the mother's blouse open)
Rusty Griswold: Let me give you a hand.
Jake: Can you please stay the fuck away from us?
"Oh, yeah. This movie is rated R. This movie is no-longer family oriented like the other three films which were rated PG and PG-13. This movie is adult oriented, which means more F-bombs, crude sexual content and gratuitous nudity for you all." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) After a humiliating day from being on a plane, we see that Rusty has a rival who bullies him. He's played by Ron Livingston from Office Space. And we see that the guy works first class. Yeah, like people on first class is special than Econo-Air. And we see that this guy is a total prick because him and two sexy ladies go on a bus, making it full and leaving Rusty behind to wait 25 minutes for another one. Then, Rusty comes home to his family. His wife Debbie, played by Christina Applegate from Married…With Children, his shy and awkward 14-year-old son James, played by Skyler Gisondo from the Netflix show Santa Clarita Diet and their 12-year-old son Kevin, played by Steele Stebbins from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and we see that Kevin is, well how do you say it, a bit of an asshole to his older brother.
James Griswold (Played by Skyler Gisondo): Look what Kevin did to my guitar.
(He shows Rusty what Kevin wrote on his guitar. It says "I Have A Vagina" written on it)
Kevin Griswold (Played by Steele Stebbins): God. You told mom and dad? You have such a vagina.
"Whoa! Watch the mouth, you little shit!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) Oh, yeah. Did I mention that he bullies his older brother? Well, he's being a huge C U Next Tuesday to him all the time. I thought that was the other way around. I thought it was the older brother picking on the younger brother. We've seen that on Weird Science, Home Alone, The Goldbergs, The Godfather Part II. Okay, I'm kidding about The Godfather Part II because Michael ordered the death of Fredo. And in this situation, Kevin is Michael and James is Fredo.
Rusty Griswold: We don't make fun of someone just because they're a little different from us.
James Griswold: Di…I don't have a vagina.
Rusty Griswold: I'm just saying, that even if you did, it wouldn't be okay for Kevin to tease you about your vagina.
James Griswold: No. Why are you making it sound like I have a vagina?
Rusty Griswold: I know you don't have a vagina. I'm not doing that.
"Rusty, you're not helping. Shut your mouth." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Later that day, we see that the Griswolds are having dinner with their friends the Petersons and Jack and Nancy, played by Keegan-Michael Key and Regina Hall are gloating about a family trip that they've taken to Paris. And Nancy asks Debbie an important question.
Nancy Peterson (Played by Regina Hall): So are you guys anywhere special this summer?
Debbie Griswold (Played by Christina Applegate): No. I wish. Yeah. No. We're…we are renting the same cabin that we've been renting for 10 years in Cheboygan, Michigan. The boys call it "Che-boring," Michigan.
Sean: (Narrating) Rusty overhears the conversation between Nancy and Debbie and becomes sad. Then later, Rusty is going through photos of his family at the cabin while Hell's Kitchen is playing on the television and while going through the photos, he sees that Debbie looks bored with the same trip. Then, movie decides to throw in some nostalgia by showing us photos from the past four Vacation movies.
"Four films that I should be watching right now instead of this one. What the hell happened to this film series?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Then, Rusty comes across a photo of his parents and his sister Audrey wearing Walley World hats and an idea pops into his head so the next morning he tells them the exciting news.
Rusty Griswold: The four of us are gonna take a little trip.
Debbie Griswold: Paris.
Rusty Griswold: Hmm. No, much better. We're driving to Walley World.
Debbie Griswold: What?
Rusty Griswold: We gotta shake things up, right? Spend a little quality time. And of course it wouldn't hurt for the boys to learn to get a long a little better.
Debbie Griswold: Uh, by locking them in a car together?
Rusty Griswold: Yeah.
Kevin Griswold: This is some bullshit right here!
Debbie Griswold: Hey, language.
"I really don't like that character. He's such a little bastard. You know what, fuck this kid. Fuck all of this kid." Sean said.
James Griswold: I just don't wanna do my first big road trip to some corporate theme park, you know? I'd like to explore the real America, like Jack Kerouac or the Merry Pranksters.
(Kevin punches James in the arm and slaps him in his face)
Kevin Griswold: Don't say weird shit!
James Griswold: Ah. Ow!
We see a shocked look on Sean's face from the character Kevin abusing his older brother James. "Oh, my God! This kid is evil! Who the fuck does he think he is Macauley Culkin from The Good Son? He just abuses the shit out his brother!"
Debbie Griswold: So you just wanna redo your vacation from 30 years ago? Don't you think that's gonna be kind of a letdown?
Rusty Griswold: No, no, no. We're not redoing anything. This will be completely different. For one thing, the original vacation had a boy and a girl. This one has two boys. And I'm sure that there will be lots of other differences.
James Griswold: I've never even heard of the original vacation.
Rusty Griswold: Doesn't matter. The new vacation will stand on it's own, okay?
"Isn't that what Goldstein and Daley said to the execs at Warner Bros. and New Line Cinema about their pitch for the Vacation reboot?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) So, with the family saying yes to go to the trip, Rusty shows his family the little car that he rented.
Rusty Griswold: Look what your dad rented.
(The car that Rusty rented is revealed to be an ugly, over-complicated SUV from Albania called a Tartan Prancer)
"Oh, my God. That is the world's most ugliest car I have ever seen in my life." Sean said, with a disgusted look on his face.
"Hoxha's Albania. Seriously?" Brian asked.
Sean: (Narrating) This is the Family Truckster of the movie, a 2015 Tartan Prancer. And if you think that the Family Truckster was bad, then you haven't seen the Tartan Prancer and it has a lot of features. And I mean a lot.
Rusty Griswold: It's got all the latest Albanian technology. Check it out. Plug-in hybrid.
Debbie Griswold: Oh, wow, eco-friendly. Good.
Rusty Griswold: So any time we run out of juice, we can just pull right over, and plug in. I don't know what that is.
"It also has two gas tanks to carry twice as much gas. Cupholders on the side of the car. Six ashtrays. Four mirrors, two on the front and two on the back and here's the best part." Sean said with a smile on his face.
Rusty Griswold: I can control the entire car from the fob.
James Griswold: What do all the buttons mean?
Rusty Griswold: No clue. But we'll figure it out.
"Uh, one of the buttons has a swastika on it. I hope you're not planning on using that." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And then we get more of Rusty's pure stupidity.
(Rusty sticks his arm out by the door)
Rusty Griswold: Slam the door on my arm.
Debbie Griswold: Heh. What?
Rusty Griswold: It has a sensor. It won't let you slam the door on your arm or leg.
Debbie Griswold: Okay.
Rusty Griswold: Do it! Do it.
Debbie Griswold: This is kind of fun.
Rusty Griswold: Slam it
Debbie Griswold: All right. There you go.
(Debbie slams the door on Rusty's arm and Rusty screams in pain)
Rusty Griswold: (Screams) Oh! Oh!
Debbie Griswold: Oh, my God! Oh, my gosh!
Rusty Griswold: Goddamn it!
Debbie Griswold: Oh, my God! Why did you have me do that?!
"Uh, because he asked you to." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And now it's time for the family to head down the road as their trip to Walley World begins. Well, there's no way that anything could possibly go wrong on this trip. Who am I kidding? We all know the drill. While driving through Missouri, Rusty decides to test out his CB radio after spotting a trucker driving a truck until Kevin tries it out.
Kevin Griswold: Breaker 1-9, my friend Jessie says all truck drivers are rapists. Are you a rapist?
Debbie Griswold: Kevin, no, no.
Kevin Griswold: Sorry. Over.
Rusty Griswold: No, no, no.
Debbie Griswold: What are you doing?
Kevin Griswold: What? It's a question.
Rusty Griswold: Well, you're ruining it.
"Oh, don't worry. There's no way that this trucker will come after Rusty and his family and tries to kill them." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) While driving on the road, James becomes fixated on a beautiful girl in a jeep with her family. And she's played by Catherine Missal, the sister of One Life to Live and The Crossing actress Kelley Missal. And then it gets ruined by this little bastard of a brother.
(Kevin tries to suffocate James with a plastic bag over his head)
Kevin Griswold: Go to sleep! Go to sleep!
(Kevin continues to suffocate his older brother with a plastic bag, scaring off the girl in the jeep)
James Griswold: What's wrong with you?!
Kevin Griswold: I just wanted to see how long you could hold your breath before you black out.
James Griswold: Don't do that. I could have died.
Kevin Griswold: Whatever.
"Jesus, what a fucking monster! He's downright evil. Oh, dear God. No. Is it too late to do a really, really, late-term…" Sean said.
"Don't go there, dude." Dave said.
Sean: (Narrating) The family arrives at Memphis, Tennessee where Rusty decides to show his sons where Debbie went to college. They arrive at Memphis State College, where we learn a little something about Debbie's college days.
(We see a wild sorority party going on, then we see two hot college girls making out in front of a guy. Next, we see a college girl doing a kegstand)
Debbie Griswold: I cannot believe that they are still doing this.
Rusty Griswold: What is it?
Debbie Griswold: Uh, it is the Tri-Pi Chung Run. You have to chug a big pitcher of beer and then you have to get through the course as fast as you can.
Rusty Griswold: And you did this? Because you hardly drink.
Debbie Griswold: No, yeah. But, honey, it's for charity, see?
(We see a sign that says "Tri-Pi Chug Run. All proceeds benefit Assburgers Research)
"Okay, first off. I wish I stayed in college to party with these girls. And second as a person who has Asperger's, I find that offensive. That's not how you spell "Asperger's". Hell, Isadora Smackle from Girl Meets World would find that offensive as well." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The Griswolds come across a hot sorority member named Heather, played by Elizabeth Gilles from Victorious and The CW's Dynasty.
"Okay, Marisol Nichols was easily the best part of Vegas Vacation. Now, this is the best part of Vacation. In that red top covering her bouncing tits and those shorts revealing her luscious long legs that would love to be wrapped around my waist. God, she's red hot. What was I talking about again?" Sean asked, going off topic. "Oh, right. Elizabeth Gilles in Vacation. Well, I guess I can watch Dynasty on Netflix to take in her sexiness as Fallon Carrington. If you want red hot, watch Dynasty just because she plays Fallon."
(A picture of Elizabeth Gilles as Fallon Carrington pops up)
"Hey, Fallon." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) Then Rusty learns a little something about his wife's past as a sorority member and boy Debbie is one wild one.
Heather (Played by Elizabeth Gilles): Wait, are you Debbie Fletcher?
Debbie Griswold: Yeah.
Heather: Oh, my shit. Oh, my shit! I can't believe it's you! Guys, come here! Bring over the book. It's Debbie fucking Fletcher.
Debbie Griswold: How do you know who I am?
Heather: Oh, my God, are you kidding me? You're like a legend at Tri-Pi. You're Debbie Do-Anything.
Debbie Griswold: Oh, God.
Brooke (Played by Cristina Squyres): Is it true you climbed the clock tower naked?
Debbie Griswold: Of course not.
Heather: Did you really show your tits to anyone who asked?
Chelsea (Played by Nadine Avola): I heard you stuck a finger in the dean's dick.
Heather: Did you really burn down the Taco Bell?
Brooke: I heard that you fucked Anthony Hopkins.
"Oooooookay, who came up with these things about her?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Debbie tells the sorority girls that she didn't do those things and she also tells them that they're idolizing very bad behavior. Then one of the girls say that she didn't even come up with the Chug Run and then this happens.
Chelsea: Prove it.
Brooke: She can't do it now. She's old.
Debbie: Excuse me, girl?
Brooke: I didn't mean it like that. I just mean…you're old.
"Ooh, ixnay on the olday you bitchnay." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) To prove that she's still the rebellious that she was, couldn't she just lez it up with Heather in front of Rusty? I would love to see that. Debbie runs the obstacle course by drinking the whole pitcher of beer and get drunk and…
(Debbie starts puking and runs the obstacle course, failing miserably and puking so much)
Debbie Griswold: Tri-Pi, motherfuckers.
(Debbie vomits)
"Well, you got your gross out humor for this movie. Aren't you glad you're happy to see that?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) After humiliating herself in front of a bunch of drunk sorority members and Elizabeth Gilles' fine ass, Debbie's going to have one hell of a hangover. And then we come to my favorite part of the movie.
(Rusty turns on the radio as Seal's Kiss From a Rose plays over the speakers)
Rusty Griswold: Oh, my God. I can't believe it. I love this song. Guys, it's Seal. Heh. Everybody sing it with me.
"I'll sing it with you." Sean said before he starts singing. "There used to be a graying tower alone on the sea."
Rusty Griswold: (Sings) You became the light on the dark side of me.
"Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill." Sean continues to sing.
Rusty Griswold: (Singing) Did you know that when it snows.
"My eyes become larger…" Sean stops singing until he notices a familiar truck behind Rusty and his family. "Uh, Rusty. There's somebody following you."
Rusty Griswold: (Singing) Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the gray
"There's a truck with a teddy bear on it's grill on your tail and I think he wants to kill you." Sean said, pointing at the truck.
Rusty Griswold: (Normal voice) Batman Forever?
"Yes, I know about Batman Forever and Val Kilmer. I consider it to be better than Batman & Robin. Could you stop singing for one goddamn minute and look behind…" Sean said.
(The truck driver honks his horn at Rusty as him and his family look back and spot the truck that's following them)
James Griswold: He's come back to kill us.
(The truck bumps into the bumper of Rusty's car)
Debbie Griswold: Gun it, Russ!
Rusty Griswold: Gunning it.
(Rusty starts speeding)
Sean: (Narrating) The truck driver returns as Rusty drives for their lives and he decides to do a 180 handbrake turn like Vin Diesel and he ends up almost getting his family killed in a thrilling yet hilarious car chase. Just be glad that there's no gunfights happening. I've seen better car chases in James Bond movies. After fleeing for their lives, Rusty and his family stop at a motel for the night. James comes across the girl in the jeep named Adena.
Adena (Played by Catherine Missal): I have a penis.
We then cut to Sean doing a spit take after drinking some of his vanilla cola. "Oh, my God! Oh, shit! It's The Crying Game all over again. Oh, God!"
Adena: (Chuckles) It's on your guitar.
James Griswold: Same brother.
Adena: What an asshole.
James Griswold: Yeah.
Adena: You wanna go in?
James Griswold: Absolutely.
Rusty Griswold: Well, what have we here? Little Romeo and Juliet situation? (Chuckles) My name's Russ. Pleased to meet you both. I'm just a stranger, passing through town. But I couldn't help noticing how incredibly handsome this young man is.
"Great. Way to go, Rusty. You just humiliated your son who's about to get lucky with this girl. Cockblocking idiot." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Rusty fails being James' wingman and he brings up a little chat that him and his father had, a callback to the original Vacation. And the two of them have a little father/son chat.
Rusty Griswold: Well, I just want you to know that I'm here to answer any questions you might have about that stuff. No matter how uncomfortable it seems.
James Griswold: Uh, there were some kids at school who were talking about rim jobs.
Rusty Griswold: Hmm.
James Griswold: So, what's that? What's a rim job?
Sean's eyes widened in shock from James' question and Rusty trying to answer the question.
Rusty Griswold: I would guess a rim job is when you kiss someone with your mouth closed. Right? So you're only using the rim of your mouth.
"Hold on." Sean said as he picks up his phone to check the meaning and videos of what Rusty and James were talking about. "Uh, Rusty. That's not what rim jobs mean. I believe it meant something else and they have videos on it. And it's way dirtier."
Rusty Griswold: Good talk, James. Now, I hope you're not to old to let your dad give you a good-night rim job.
(A man who's staying at the motel walks back to his room after hearing what Rusty said to his son)
"Mwah! Goodnight, everybody!" Sean said, imitating Yakko Warner from Animaniacs
Sean: (Narrating) The Griswolds arrive at Arkansas and we get a nice little callback to National Lampoon's Vacation, in which Rusty comes across a girl in the red Ferrari, played by baseball player Derek Jeter's wife Hannah Jeter, who's credited as Hannah Davis.
(While his wife and sons are asleep, Rusty hits on the Ferrari Girl)
(A clip from Animaniacs is shown)
Yakko and Wakko (Voiced by Rob Paulsen and Jess Harnell): HELLOOO NURSE!
(The Ferrari Girl drives on the other side of the road and gets hit by a truck)
"Damn!" Sean exclaimed.
(A clip from On Her Majesty's Secret Service is shown)
James Bond (Played by George Lazenby): This never happened to the other fellow.
"Rusty is right. The new vacation is completely different than the original vacation." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We see that Rusty and his family are driving down to Audrey's house and we learn that she's married to a guy named Stone, who's a weatherman.
James Griswold: Mom, do you think Uncle Stone will let me ride his horse?
Debbie Griswold: I don't see why not.
Kevin Griswold: Do you think I can shoot his guns?
Debbie Griswold: No, you cannot.
(Kevin looks at James)
Kevin Griswold: Too bad. I would've shot you right off that fucking horse.
"What. The. Fuck! This is played for laughs. That's not funny, that's fucking scary!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) Rusty and his family head down to a hot spring and they are helped by a "helpful" local, played by Kevin Can Wait's Ryan Cartwright who leads them to a hidden hot spring. And Rusty, being a complete dumbass, drives down the dirt road as him and his family come across the hidden hot spring. But what they don't know is that the hot spring they're relaxing in is a sewage dump.
Debbie Griswold: (While rubbing the mud on her face) You know, it tastes a little shitty, but I think that's part of it.
"Well, that's because you and your family are rubbing shit all over yourselves and swimming in shit." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) After swimming in shitty water, the Griswolds return to the SUV, only to see that it's been broken into and their luggage and cash stolen and somebody sprayed a penis on their SUV. Well, at least it didn't say "Honky Lips". The Griswolds arrive in Plano, Texas and they arrive at Audrey and Stone's place, where they're greeted by Rusty's sister Audrey, played by Leslie Mann.
"Really, Leslie? Don't you have a Jurgens commercial to do with your daughter Maude?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) And we're also introduced to Audrey's husband, played by the mighty Avenger himself Chris Hemsworth. And we see that Audrey and Stone's marriage tends to get really hot and heavy.
(Stone and Audrey start making out in front of Rusty and his family)
Stone Crandall (Played by Chris Hemsworth): I'm your caveman.
(Both Stone and Audrey start kissing and moaning)
Audrey Griswold-Crandall (Played by Leslie Mann): I'll rip you in half.
Stone Crandall: I wanna have all your babies.
Audrey Griswold-Crandall: Oh, baby. Oh! I hit the fucking jackpot with you. Oh, God, what I'm gonna do to you tonight.
"Boy, Taylor and I were never like that when Brian, Cheryl, Adam and Lexi were around or while we're out in public with them. Taylor and I just save it for the bedroom." Sean said.
(A clip from Home Alone plays)
Harry (Played by Joe Pesci): You're sick, you know that?
Sean: (Narrating) Rusty and his family have dinner with Audrey and Stone and we see that he has a prized steer named Sebastian and we see Stone hitting on Debbie and later that night, Rusty and Debbie get a little hot and heavy in the bedroom until Rusty get jealous of Stone and he noticed that Debbie's wedding ring is not on her finger because she lost it, then Stone decides to check up on Rusty and Debbie.
(Stone enters the room and makes a show of his attractive body and oversized genitalia)
Stone Crandall: Man, it sure is beautiful here this time of year, ain't it? And quiet. Listen. You hear that?
Rusty Griswold: No.
Stone Crandall: Exactly. It's perfect silence.
Rusty Griswold: Hmm.
"Oh, my God. Look at the size of Thor's hammer! Natalie Portman don't know what she's missing. There you go, ladies. You wanted to know how big Thor was. Now you seen how big he was.
Sean: (Narrating) The next morning, Rusty and Stone are riding ATVs to round up the herd of cattle. Well, that seems like fun. There's no way a cow is going to get hurt.
Rusty Griswold: Holy shit!
(We cut to Audrey, Debbie, James and Kevin after Rusty drives through a bull)
"Ooh, nasty!" Sean said. "Well, that's one way to make ground beef. Who's in the mood for some triple Big Bufords from Rally's? That's one way to ruin a perfectly good cut of beef."
Debbie Griswold: All right, enough, you guys. Dad hit a cow, okay? Let's just move on.
(All laugh)
Sean: (Narrating) The family arrive at Holbrook, Arizona. Where they're staying at the Wampum Hotel for the night and Rusty and Debbie decide to be a little reckless.
Rusty Griswold: We're right near the Four Corners Monument, which is where four states come together in one spot.
Debbie Griswold: So?
Rusty Griswold: Let's go have sex on it.
Debbie Griswold: What?
Rusty Griswold: Yeah, that way we can make love in four states at the same time.
Debbie Griswold: Wait? You're serious?
(A clip from Airplane! is shown)
Dr. Rumack (Played by the late Leslie Nielsen): I am serious and don't call me Shirley.
Sean: (Narrating) So, being the dumbass kinky couple that they are, they sneak away to the Four Corners Monument to have sex.
"Why do I get the feeling that they're gonna get caught for desecrating the most sacred monument?" Sean asked.
Man at Monument (Played by Miles Doleac): Y'all wanna keep it down?
(Debbie and Rusty both scream)
Husky Lady at Monument (Played by O'Claire Alexander): If you're here to have sex on the Corners, we're next. Get in line.
Sean: (Narrating) And then it turns into Night of the Living Freaks up in this bitch as Rusty and Debbie come across a bunch of people wanting to have sex on the Four Corners and as they make their escape until a cop arrives. A cop from Utah, played by Tim Heidecker.
Utah Cop (Played by Tim Heidecker): You do know public indecency is a crime in the state of Utah?
Debbie Griswold: Yes. Sorry, officer.
Sean: (Narrating) And then, a cop from Colorado, played by Nick Kroll, arrives to arrest Rusty and Debbie.
Colorado Cop (Played by Nick Kroll): These people are clearly in the state of Colorado. That's my jurisdiction.
Arizona Cop (Played by Kaitlin Olson): Juris-dick in my ass, Kyle. Look at her left foot. Smack-dab in Arizona.
Sean: (Narrating) Oookay, so a cop from Arizona, played by Kaitlin Olson from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, arrives to arrest Rusty and Debbie…
New Mexico Cop (Played by Michael Pena): You know what this border represents? It's just an idea. That's all I'm saying.
Sean: (Narrating) Oh, for crying out…And then we get a New Mexico cop, played by Michael Pena, arriving to keep the peace and all hell breaks loose and Rusty and Debbie escape while the four cops point their guns at each other. Meanwhile, James steps outside for some fresh air, until he sees Adena again and the two of them have a cute little moment with each other.
Adena: I've always had a thing for musicians.
James Griswold: Well, good because I've always had a thing for pretty girls.
Adena: Well played./So, what do you feel like doing?
James Griswold: Heh. I don't know. Can…Can I give you a rim job?
(Adena's eyes widened in surprise)
Adena: Whoa.
(A clip from Animaniacs plays)
Yakko: Mwah! Goodnight, everybody!
Sean: (Narrating) Are you kidding me, dude? You can't tell that to a pretty girl. Just be glad you didn't get slapped in the face or yelled at. What's wrong with you?
"Has he been taking lessons from John Barrowman from Shark Attack 3: Megalodon?" Sean said.
(A clip from Shark Attack 3: Megalodon is shown)
Ben Carpenter (Played by John Barrowman): What do you say I… take you home and eat your (beep)?
Sean: (Narrating) But Adena suggest that her and James should kiss, until Kevin interrupts them to humiliate James some more.
Kevin Griswold: You were about to let that dingus kiss you?
James Griswold: Shut up, Kevin.
Adena: Who is that?
James Griswold: My stupid little brother.
Adena: I thought you said that he was your big brother.
James Griswold: I - -
(Kevin throws another rock at James' head)
James Griswold: Damn it!
Kevin Griswold: Dingus.
"Alright, I have enough of this little shit picking on his older brother. Dude, nut the fuck up and beat the shit out of this little asshole!" Sean yelled.
James Griswold: You know what? Fuck it.
Kevin Griswold: Okay, so you want to do this now? Bring it, bitch.
(James pushes Kevin down on the ground)
Kevin Griswold: Wait, wait? No, no, no.
(James keeps pushing Kevin down on the ground. Later, we cut to Kevin and James laying in bed with Kevin laying in the feedle position)
"Thank you." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The family arrives at the Grand Canyon. And since Clark and his family barely had a chance to look at it. And since the new vacation is different than the original, they're gonna do a whole lot more than look. They're gonna go whitewater rafting and they're greeted by a Grand Canyon rafting guide named Chad, played hilariously by Charlie Day, another actor from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
"Okay, so we have two actors from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia in this movie. I swear if Rob McElhenney and Glenn Howerton are in this movie." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) It turns out that Chad is a really laid-back and fun-loving guide. Nothing can bring him down. Except for a phone call from his fiancée to call him and tell him that she's dumping him.
Chad (Played by Charlie Day) Goddamn it!
(Chad throws his phone into the water. He then screams and sobs)
Chad: Who's ready to go on the river?
Debbie Griswold: Um, are you okay, Chad?
Chad: Oh, yeah. Turns out I'm not engaged anymore. So… All aboard.
"Oh, God. This won't turn out well." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) While rafting, Chad tends to be suicidal and nearly kills Rusty and his family by going through the rapid water.
(Rusty and his family jump out of the raft as Chad goes down the waterfall and screams)
"Well, that's just great. Now Charlie Day won't be on Pacific Rim 3." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) After nearly getting killed by suicidal rafting guide and their trip becoming one disaster after another, Debbie, James and Kevin decide to go home. But Rusty, about one step closer to flipping out like his father want to continue the trip. Then, the SUV runs out of gas in the middle of the desert and Rusty deserves the Dumbass of the Year award because he keeps pressing buttons on the fob, causing the windows on the car to shatter and the muffin button causing the car to drive on it's own and explode.
(The SUV explodes)
Rusty Griswold: All right, we can handle this.
Debbie Griswold: Oh, no, no, no. Please don't say that. Do not say that we can handle this, Russ. Okay?
Rusty Griswold: We can.
Debbie Griswold: No, we can't! We can't! From the moment we left for this trip, nothing has gone right. Can you please just admit that this was a mistake?
"How long until Rusty flips out like his dad?" Sean asked.
Rusty Griswold: We just all have to… (Inhales heavily and grunts) Fuck me! I give up! All I wanted to do was take my fucking family on a fucking trip to Walley World, and ride the fucking Velociraptor!
(Tries to kick a tumbleweed, but instead ends up kicking a rock)
Rusty Griswold: Ow. There's a rock in that./What do I get? Kids who don't wanna be with me, and a wife who's miserable.
Debbie Griswold: Russ…
Rusty Griswold: Oh, come on, Debbie. You know it's true. You think you settled for me. You think I'm a loser regional pilot. Well, guess what. I get offers from international carriers all the time and I turned them down. Why? Because I don't wanna be away from you and the kids that long. I'm an idiot. I should take one of those jobs and fly off to the Pyramids of Zambezi and the Lost Gardens of wherever the fuck! Just forget it. Forget this whole stupid trip. You people are on your own.
"Well, movie's over. Roll credits." Sean said.
(The end credits are shown)
Sean: (Narrating) Okay, I'm kidding. Rusty tries to walk off on his own until, the truck driver that's stalking Rusty and his family returns and goes after Rusty. And this is turning into a really bad remake of Steven Spielberg's Duel. We then see that the truck driver is played by none other than Norman Reedus aka Daryl from AMC's The Walking Dead.
"Oh, this movie's about to get better. He's gonna kill that spastic little gremlin." Sean said as he starts eating a bucket of popcorn.
Debbie Griswold: Don't you kill him!
James Griswold: Dad!
"Do it! Do it!" Sean yelled.
Rusty Griswold: When I called you a pedophile, I was…
(The truck driver reaches inside his jacket)
Sean: (V/O) BLOW HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF!
(The truck driver pulls out a ring)
"Oh, dear God. Please tell me you're not proposing to that guy." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Actually, it turns out to be Debbie's wedding ring that she left at the truck stop in Missouri. So, he followed Rusty and his family to return it to him. So, he wasn't trying to kill them. (Tries not to cry) Damn it.
Trucker (Played by Norman Reedus): Where you headed?
Debbie Griswold: Um. Home, I guess.
Trucker: Well, I can take you as far as San Francisco. Will that help?
Rusty Griswold: Yeah. Yeah, that'll work.
Sean: (Narrating) Giving up on their trip to Walley World, Rusty and his family decide to call it quits and stop off at a bed and breakfast, where we see that it's run by two familiar faces.
(A picture of Harold Ramis and a picture of John Hughes pop up)
Sean: (V/O) No, they're both dead.
Furious Husband (Played by R.F. Daley): Do not stay here. It's the worst bed and breakfast we've ever been to.
Furious Wife (Played by Elizabeth Fendrick): They ought to shut this place down. The owner is a lunatic.
Clark Griswold (Played by Chevy Chase): You all come back now, you hear? (Chuckles and sees Rusty and his family) Hey, look who made it. Ellen! Oh, there you are. They're here.
Rusty Griswold: Hi, dad.
"Oh, sweet mother of Christ on a cracker and Sister Mary's face on a piece of toast. What has happened to you, Chevy? You look like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) To throw in some more nostalgia since we didn't get enough, we get a cameo from Chevy Chase and Beverly D'Angelo as Clark and Ellen Griswold and to be honest, it's one of the film's more lackluster elements.
"But the good thing about this scene, Beverly D'Angelo is looking good for a woman in her 60s. I wish I could say the same about Chevy. I mean, he's lost his touch." Sean said.
Clark Griswold: We're occupied right now. Beat it.
Sean: (Narrating) Oh, and Clark and Ellen mention something about Stone and Audrey's marriage.
Ellen Griswold (Played by Beverly D'Angelo): Their marriage is a sham.
Debbie Griswold: What?
Clark Griswold: Well, they sleep around with each other. Been doing it for years.
"So, Audrey and Stone are swingers?" Sean asked.
"Don't you mean "Slingers"?" Dave asked.
"No, I meant "swingers" not "Slingers"." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Debbie and Rusty confront each other about their marriage after Rusty finds out that Debbie is reading a book to see if their marriage is dying so they talk about their stale marriage and decide to start all over again. You know, I'm getting bored here, can we get on with it? Please? The next day, Rusty tells his dad that him and his family are flying back to Chicago because the trip to Walley World has been a complete nightmare. And then, Clark gives his son some encouraging words of wisdom.
Clark Griswold: The journey sucks. That's what makes you appreciate the destination. You had a dream to take your family to Walley World. Never let that go. I know I didn't
"Says the man who had a complete mental breakdown in his car in front of his family." Sean said.
(A clip from National Lampoon's Vacation is shown)
Clark Griswold (Played by Chevy Chase): Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit!
Sean: (Narrating) So, right after Clark finishes trying his best to be funny, he gives him the keys to the Wagon Queen Family Truckster that he still kept since he hasn't mentioned it in the past three films. I guess that Goldstein and Daley just want to throw that nostalgia splooge in our faces. We get Lindsey Buckingham's Holiday Road playing as Rusty drives Debbie and his sons to Walley World. And as they arrive, they end up waiting in a long-ass line to ride the Velociraptor.
"Boy, I never waited this long to ride the Diamondback at Kings Island. I'm kidding. I did. But I never waited this long to ride either the Vortex or Flight of Fear." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So, after spending an entire day of waiting in line, Rusty and his family are about to ride the Velociraptor until they are cut off by that douchebag from the beginning of the movie and his family and Rusty confronts the guy.
Rusty Griswold: You just cut in front of us.
Ethan (Played by Ron Livingston): (Chuckles) No, see, we bought the Platinum Pass so we get to skip the lines. Fifth time today on this one.
"Damn Fast Line people skipping lines. They think that they're so damn special." Sean said.
Ethan: All right, I'll tell you what. Why don't you and your family go fuck yourselves?
"Oh! Oh! No! No! No! Rusty, you put your wife and sons through Hell and back just to go to Walley World and you're gonna let this asshole punk you out in front of your family? Dude, nut up and kick his fucking ass!" Sean yelled.
(Rusty punches Ethan in the face)
Ethan: Okay. You're a dead man.
"Oh, this is gonna be good!" Sean exclaimed as he starts eating some popcorn while watching the fight scene.
(A fight breaks out between Rusty, Debbie, Kevin and James and Ethan and his family while everybody watches, including the ride operator, played by John Francis Daley)
"Fight! Fight! Fight!" Sean yelled out.
(Kevin throws a plastic bag over Ethan's head and tries to suffocate him and Debbie stops him)
Debbie Griswold: No, Kevin. Kevin, no.
"Hey, oh, oh, oh, no. Don't do that, kid." Sean said.
Ethan: What kind of family are you?
Rusty Griswold: We're the Griswolds.
"MOTHERFUCKA!" Sean yelled out in the microphone before doing a mike drop and leaving the room. "Goodnight, everybody! You've been great!"
Sean: (Narrating) So, after the Griswolds win the fight, Ethan and his family flee and the Griswolds finally board the ride and they're in for the ride of their lives.
(Kevin starts humming Seal's Kiss From a Rose)
"Wait, it's that time. Oh, yeah! It's Seal time!" Sean said.
Debbie, James and Kevin: (Singing) There used to be a graying tower. Alone on the sea.
We see Sean joining and starts singing, along with Brian.
(The Kiss From a Rose music video starts playing)
(We then see the roller coaster going while Kiss From a Rose starts playing until the ride stalls halfway up a loop)
"Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the gray. Uh, that was not supposed to happen." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) After being rescued after several hours of being stuck in a loop, it's time to end our vacation with Rusty and his family heading back to Chicago, well just James and Kevin heading back to Chicago where the Petersons will look after them. And Rusty and Debbie decide to have some alone time together since Rusty used his airline connections to book a vacation in Paris. And so the film ends with photos just like the original Vacation. We see a photo of Rusty and Debbie in Paris and he gets his picture taken with Seal, Chad still alive after his brush with death and a photo of Stone and Audrey and dude put some pants on, I can see your stormbreaker poking out. And we get Holiday Road performed by the Zac Brown Band and I like this one but I like Lindsey Buckingham's version better. And the Walley World Theme performed by Mark Mothersbaugh.
"And that was Vacation and well, I kinda liked it." Sean said before footage from the film plays.
(Clips from Vacation is shown)
Sean: (Narrating) As much as I liked the original, I found this movie to be quite enjoyable. But I have a few gripes about this movie which pushes the envelope like gross-out humor and sexual jokes and that little brother being an asshole to his older brother and this movie can be mean-spirited at times. The movie was kind of a letdown. But I did enjoy some of the performances and some of the funny moments that had me cracking up. My favorite was Christina Applegate. She had me cracking up on the Chug Run scene and that was one of my favorite moments from the film and I should've added that to the Top 11 Funniest Vacation Moments. I especially liked Chris Hemsworth on the film as well. But what can I say about Ed Helms? Well as much as I liked him in The Hangover movies, well I know I'm gonna sound crazy for saying this but I found him to be quite enjoyable in playing the role of Rusty Griswold and they made his character a complete doofus. A comedy that pushes the envelope, and trust me this is coming from the same guys that made Aunt May say this line.
(A clip from Spider-Man: Homecoming is shown)
Aunt May Parker (Played by Marisa Tomei): (After she sees Peter in the Spider-Man suit) What the fu…
Sean: (Narrating) I give Vacation 3 Tartan Prancers out of 5.
"And that is all for The Summer of Vacation and thank you all for joining me. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic and I hope that you all have a great summer. Just try not to get into fights at theme parks." Sean said before leaving the living room.
Mayhem Critic Tagline – We're the Griswolds.
And that's all for The Mayhem Critic's review of Vacation 2015 and that was the end of The Summer of Vacation. I hope that you all enjoyed it. Next time, Sean the Mayhem Critic takes a look at the best James Bond movie ever. Of course, I'm talking about Pierce Brosnan's first entry as James Bond in the 1995 film GoldenEye. Don't forget to review this story, add this to your favorites and follow it for future updates. Also which review should I do after GoldenEye? Should I do Sean's Story Arc where I review the Superman: The Animated Series/Batman: The Animated Series crossover episode World's Finest or should I review The Godfather Part III and rant about it? Pick which one should I do next. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.