The Mayhem Critic
Good evening, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker and welcome back to another hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Sequelitis Month continues when Sean takes a look at the worst sequel ever made. And that sequel is RoboCop 3. So, what went wrong with this movie? We'll you're about to find out right now. So here it is, the new chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Enjoy.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All material belong to their respective sources. RoboCop 3 is owned by Orion Pictures and MGM.
Sequelitis Month Part II: RoboCop 3
We see our favorite critic Sean J. Archer a.k.a. The Mayhem Critic sitting on the couch in his living room. He's still in a bad mood as he looks bored, resting his head on his hand before looking at the camera and makes his introduction with a disgruntled look on his face as if he didn't want to do the review.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic that rips movies and shitty sequels a new one." Sean said. "Well, guess what? I have a little surprise for you. We're still in Sequelitis Month!"
(The title card for "Sequelitis Month" appears with the announcer saying "What time is it? It's sequel time!" and Sean saying "Yay" in a not-so ecstatic voice and this time Sean is making a raging look on his face)
"What am I doing? No, seriously. What the hell am I doing? I already reviewed two of these movies and I enjoyed both of them. When I was a kid, I didn't even know that there was a third film. And when I saw it for the first time on SyFy, I…. I…. I lost all my brain cells from watching it. You see, we're about to stumble on what I could call it the worst sequel ever made. I'm in some deep shit, some serious, serious, serious deep shit. And of course you didn't know, I'm about to review RoboCop 3." Sean said.
(The title card for "RoboCop 3" is shown, followed by clips of the film)
Sean: (Narrating) This movie is scum! It is pond scum, well it's sewer shit scum! The first one was an awesome film with an iconic hero, awesome stop-motion animation, awesome action and some of the goriest over-the-top violence that would appeal to any action film junkie like me. It's a film that I watched when I was a young and yeah, I'm not supposed to be watching this movie when I was young but hey I watched it anyway. And then there was RoboCop 2, I watched it as well and I thought it was a decent sequel. Although RoboCop 2 got mixed reviews, it's not a bad film. And when I found out about RoboCop 3 when I was like seven years old and I was at Blockbuster Video with my mom and I rented Ghostbusters II, I didn't even know that there was a third RoboCop film. I knew about RoboCop and RoboCop 2 because I watched them… the edited versions. And yes, Mom had them on tape that she recorded from a movie channel. She had RoboCop on a tape with Beverly Hills Cop II that she recorded on Showtime and RoboCop 2 on a tape with Total Recall on The Movie Channel. I watched them as well. Anyway during the late '80s and early '90s. RoboCop was pretty popular with the kids with comics, video games, toys and an animated series, the executives at Orion Pictures figured that they should make a third film but here's the catch, they need to make the third RoboCop film kid-friendly. What resulted was this piece of shit and already I have a problem with it. I'll give you two letters and one number: PG-13.
"Really? You want to turn RoboCop, an ultra-violent film that's really gory with scenes like this." Sean points to the left.
(Murphy's death scene from the first film is shown)
"And make it kid-friendly?" Sean asked. "Okay, who are the idiots involved with this movie?"
Sean picks up his Blu-Ray collector's edition of RoboCop 3 from off of the coffee table to read the back of the DVD to see who's involved with this film.
"Fred Dekker? Wait, that's the guy who directed The Monster Squad and Night of the Creeps. He's also written House and House II: The Second Story. Not to mention he's written two films in 1991, If Looks Could Kill and Ricochet." Sean said as he continues to read the cast and crew involved with this movie. His eyes widened in shock when he noticed another name he spotted. "Frank Miller! We already know what he did! What the hell happened?!"
(The film opens with a CGI city, which is supposed to be a commercial for Delta City)
Sean: (Narrating) The film opens with a CGI city…
"Oh, God! It's turned into the Spider-Man cartoon that they showed on Fox Kids!" Sean exclaimed referencing the CGI New York City from Spider-Man.
Sean: (Narrating) No, actually it's an advert for Delta City, OCP's big ambitious project. Because really, they're still going with that after that incident involving a killer cyborg with the brain of a drug kingpin. And question, who's going to live there after they demolish the old buildings and turn it into a shiny new super-city?
"Really? They're still gonna do that?" Brian asked.
Sean: (Narrating) And then we cut to MediaBreak hosted by Casey Wong and his new co-anchor Debbie Dix, played by Mario Machado and Eva LaRue.
"Who you might recognize her as Natalia Boa Vista from CSI: Miami and Dr. Maria Santos Grey in the ABC soap opera All My Children." Sean said. "Oh, God. I watch too much soap operas to recognize these actors."
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, we learn in the news report that they've been owned by a Japanese company known as the Kanemitsu Corporation. OCP is still going through with the Delta City project and they create an armed force called Urban Rehabilitators or "Rehabs", they're under the command of this guy Paul McDaggett, played by John Castle.
McDaggett (Played by John Castle): We're here to help the people, augment the police force and deal with the gang problem.
Reporter: What about reports you're actually rousting people from their homes to make way for construction of Delta City?
McDaggett: I won't deny we're serving an eviction notice or two but most of these people have already taken their urine tests and placement exams. They've got new jobs waiting for them. We're just helping them make the transition, that's all. We're cops, nothing more.
Reporter: Nothing more?
McDaggett: Well, we're not robots, if that's what you mean.
"Okay, so you got a character with grey hair, wears a suit and he speaks with a British accent. I'm just gonna call it, he's going to be the cliched villain of the film." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And since this is a RoboCop film for the whole family, they've got to add a kid in there. Meet Nikko, a seven-year-old Japanese-American computer whiz who does calculus on her laptop.
"Because really when we were her age we did calculus on our laptops. Like many seven year olds do." Sean rolled his eyes.
Sean: (Narrating) Nikko is played by Remy Ryan, who's not Japanese-American. We see that she lives with her parents in Cadillac Heights and she's worried about the neighborhood being a war zone outside.
Nikko (Played by Remy Ryan): Is it true what the TV said? That it's a war zone outside?
Nikko's Dad (Played by John Posey): Don't listen to what the TV says. This is your home, you hear me? And you're safe here.
(A wrecking ball comes crashing through Nikko's room as Miley Cyrus' Wrecking Ball starts playing)
"No, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! NO! This movie is not worthy of the Wrecking Ball joke. No. In fact, it's worthy of this joke." Sean said.
(We see the scene where the wrecking ball comes crashing through Nikko's room, followed by a clip from Daffy Duck's Quackbusters where a wrecking ball comes crashing through Daffy's office and we see Daffy Duck on the wrecking ball, screaming)
"Much better." Sean said with a smile on his face.
Sean: (Narrating) So we see that the Rehabs are not the good people who we think that they are, in reality they're just a group of evil asshole kicking everybody out of their homes in Cadillac Heights. And while all that is going on, they feel the need to throw the title in.
(We see the title of the movie appear on the screen)
"Boy, the title of the movie should be lucky that it didn't injure anyone while they're walking through the street." Sean said.
(Cutaway Gag Starts)
Sean: (V/O as Rehab Officer) All right, let's go! Move it, move it, move it!
Brian: (V/O as Rehab Officer) Hey, Fred. Shouldn't we look out for the giant number three?
Sean: What giant number three, Barn?
Brian: That giant number three coming right at us.
(The number "3" in the title of the movie pops up and we hear Sean yelling after he gets hit with it)
Sean: My leg!
(Cutaway Gag Ends)
Sean: (Narrating) So we see that the Rehabs are marching through Cadillac Heights and kicking everybody out and tear everything down for the construction of Delta City.
Elderly Woman in Bathrobe (Played by Edith Ivey): For God's sake, help us!
Rehab #1 (Played by Curtis Taylor): That's what we're here for, ma'am.
(The Rehab Officer pulls back on the chamber of his Muzzelite MZ14 Bullpup rifle)
Rehab #1: Just get on the bus.
"If you don't do as I say, I'm not afraid to kill an old bitch." Sean said, imitating the Rehab Officer while holding an uzi.
Betha (Played by CCH Pounder): Don't believe them! They'll throw us into the streets to die like rats! Nazi sons of bitches!
(McDagget hits Bertha in the face with the butt of the rifle, then hands it to the Rehab officer)
McDaggett: Shoot her if you have to, but get her out of here.
"Boy, if this movie isn't going for subtlety, I say that this villain is no way inspired by Adolph Hitler and the Rehabs are the Nazis rounding up the citizens of Cadillac Heights and putting them into concentration camps like the stormtroopers moving into Poland." Sean said.
(Clips from RoboCop and RoboCop 2 are shown)
Sean: (Narrating) Okay, this is the problem with this film because in the first two films dealt with the enemy being big business and you have these corrupt businessmen and a lot of industrial espionage. And in a movie aimed towards kids, they can't have anything complicated going on so they decide to create a Saturday morning cartoon villain.
(We switch back to the film)
Sean: (Narrating) So we see this woman who got whacked in the face by McDaggett placing a bomb on the crane and it explodes. And just like Star Wars, when there's an evil Empire taking over, you got to have a rebellion.
Bertha: Listen to me, people! These buses are going nowhere! Stay here! Fight for your homes! There is no silver lining! Only corporate scumbags who want to line their pockets!
"Yeah, fuck big business! Fuck corporate America! Fuck Donald Trump and fuck the wall!" Sean yelled out as an audience applause. "I'm Sean J. Archer and if I'm elected president, my first act of business is to tear down the wall!"
(We then see a political poster of Sean that says "Archer for President. 2020)
Sean: (Narrating) During the ensuing chaos, Nikko gets separated by her parents and then we see her wandering through the ruins of her former home while searching for her parents.
(A Rehab patrol officer spots Nikko and fires his Bullpup rifle in the air)
Rehab Patrol (Played by the late Ken Strong): You! Stay where you are!
(Nikko runs while the patrol officer chases her)
Sean: (Narrating) Uh, how about not flashing a bright light at her and firing your gun at her, you fucking asshole! Nikko is rescued by the rebels, led by a woman named Bertha, played by CCH Pounder. Along with Bertha, we have Zack played by the late Stanley Anderson, Coontz played by Stephen Root and Moreno played by the late Daniel von Bargen. Fun fact: Daniel von Bargen is from Cincinnati, OH.
"Okay, so we got a rag tag team of rebels composed of Detective Wymms from The Shield, Bill Dautrieve from King of the Hill, Judge Art Vanderlay and Mr. Kruger from Seinfeld…" Sean said before being interrupted.
(A clip from the Seinfeld season nine episode The Burning is shown)
Mr. Kruger (Played by the late Daniel von Bargen): It's K-uger.
"Ooookay." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, we see that they bring along the little girl to rob a police armory, where they plan to help themselves with some more weapons to take on the Rehabs. And after blowing up the gate, they come across….
(They spot an ED-209 guarding the building)
Coontz (Played by Stephen Root): Jesus!
Nikko: ED-209!
Coontz: He wasn't even in the recon photo!
"Holy shit, it's ED-209! He's back and he's getting ready to kill people. Man, this movie is going to be good."
ED-209: Freeze. You are trespassing on police property. Please surrender your weapons.
(Nikko runs over to ED-209 as Coontz, Bertha and Zack try to stop her)
Coontz: What is she? What is she crazy?!
(Nikko tries to reprogram the ED-209)
Zack (Played by the late Stanley Anderson): Hey kid, come back here!
Nikko: You won't believe this. He'll be loyal as a puppy.
ED-209: You have five seconds. Four seconds. Three seconds. You have one second to comply.
"Hey! He skipped two!" Sean exclaimed.
(Nikko reprograms ED-209)
ED-209: I am now authorized to… be loyal as a puppy.
We cut to Sean, who's looking at the camera with a dumbfounded look on his face from what he just witnessed. "What the fu…? Loyal as a puppy?! The sheer level of stupidity just… oh my God…. Does this little bitch know that the scientists and Dick Jones created ED-209? They couldn't shut him down that fast! But hey, this is a 90's PG film that goes by the Home Alone-logic for kids. You see, the kids are geniuses and the adults are the stupid idiots."
Sean: (Narrating) So Nikko reprograms the ED-209 to be "loyal as a puppy" and help the rebels out to steal the weapons. And while stealing the guns, they come across a jetpack and trust me, we'll get to that later on in the movie. The cops arrive right before they make their escape, but not until ED-209 helps them out.
ED-209: Eat lead, suckers!
(ED-209 start shooting at the Detroit police as they take cover)
"Okay, this is going to be a long movie." Sean said as he sits a six-pack of Sierra Nevada Brut IPA beer out on the table and grabs a bottle. "If I'm going to get through this shitty sequel, then I need some alcohol because I am going to get drunk throughout this review. And I'll probably need AA after this."
Sean: (Narrating) With the rebels making their escape, we cut to a diner where we see some guy about to rob it.
Hold-Up Man (Played by Lee Arenberg): (Pulls out a Calico M100) Nobody move! Everything in the register now! Do it!
(The Detroit officers in the diner draw their Glock 17 pistols fitted with a laser sight module at the robber)
(A clip from Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl is shown)
Pintel (Played by Lee Arenberg): Parlay?
Donut Jerk (Played by Jeff Garlin): What's it like being a rocket scientist?
Sean: (Narrating) No, you're not imagining things. That's Jeff Garlin from Curb Your Enthusiasm and The Goldbergs and Lee Arenberg from the Pirates of the Caribbean movies in a RoboCop movie. But then, one of the police officers get a call from the police scanner about a B & E, and who ever to take the call would be Officer Anne Lewis, still played by Nancy Allen. We see the Lewis and two other officer Donnelly and Jensen, played by Lethal Weapon screenwriter and Iron Man 3 director Shane Black and the late John Nesci as they spot the rebels driving past them and they engage in a car chase, which ends with the rebels going all Watch Dogs on their ass by hacking the street lights, causing the cops to crash into a yuppie in a sportscar and almost causing the death of a beloved character that we all love. However while they lost Lewis and the two police officers, it seems that another cop has joined the chase.
(We see RoboCop's visor and the reflection of the truck on his visor)
"No shit, movie! We all kinda figured that it would be RoboCop. Way to spoil the reveal." Sean said, rolling his eyes.
Sean: (Narrating) While RoboCop is chasing the rebels, we see that Lewis, Donnelly and Jensen have to deal with an upset driver, played by James Lorinz from the 1990 film Frankenhooker. But it seems that they have another problem aside from an irate driver.
Donnelly (Played by Shane Black): Lewis.
(Lewis turns around and notices a gang symbol with the words "SP" spray painted on the telephone pole)
Lewis (Played by Nancy Allen): Splatterpunks.
"Splatterpunks. They're part of the Splatoon army, right?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) After realizing that they're in dangerous gang territory, Lewis and the other officers arm themselves to stay alive, but not everyone is lucky to get out of this one alive.
(Lewis grabs the upset driver by his tie)
Lewis: I'll make you a deal, tough guy. You want to eat the tie, keep it up.
Upset Driver (Played by James Lorinz): Take it easy. My brother's a cop.
(The upset driver gets shot by a Splatterpunk and dies. Then, we hear the sound of the gang laughing and start throwing Molotov cocktails at Lewis, Donnelly and Jensen. The three officers start shooting as the gang continue to throw Molotov cocktails at them but they don't hit them)
"Really? They throw a Molotov cocktail at you that misses at a mile away and that gives you the reason to start shooting at dead air? You're wasting precious ammo for something that's trying to kill you." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Lewis calls in a distress and Murphy turns around to answer the call and back with Lewis and the other officers, they run out of ammo and we get a look at the…. (sees what the Splatterpunks gang look like) oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me!
"Who came up with that look? I know that the introduction to the Splatterpunks is very creepy and when we see what they look like. The look like something off of The Rocky Horror Picture Show combined with the Mad Gear Gang from Final Fight." Sean pointed out.
(The song The Time Warp from The Rocky Horror Picture Show starts playing as the Splatterpunks appear)
"God, we're twenty minutes into this stupid-ass film, where the hell is RoboCop?" Sean asked.
(RoboCop drives off of the parking garage and lands on the street. After that, he shoots at the roof of his police cruiser and emerges. RoboCop is now armed with a new weapon, his gun arm)
RoboCop (Played by Robert John Burke): Police officer. No loitering.
(One of the Splatterpunks shoots at RoboCop with his MP5K, RoboCop shoots his gun arm at the gang, hitting the one shooting at him and causing some of them to flee before RoboCop exits his vehicle)
RoboCop: You called for backup?
Lewis: Thanks for dropping by, Murphy.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you RoboCop and if you've seen the first two movies, you're probably figured out there's something's a little different. He's not played by Peter Weller because he was busy filming the movie Naked Lunch at that time. Also, Robo's voice is different and doesn't sound nothing like in the first two films." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, our new RoboCop is played by Robert John Burke, who clearly doesn't look like Peter Weller. You might recognize Robert John Burke from the Stephen King movie Thinner, Fled, Safe, An Unbelievable Truth and Nightmare Weekend. And you'll probably recognize him in TV shows like Gossip Girl, Army Wives and Law and Order: SVU. Anyway, Murphy saves his partner Lewis but lets the rebels get away and he goes after the two dumbest gang members who want to torch him and try to shoot him in the mouth yet they don't know how to work a revolver. After arresting the two idiot Splatterpunks, RoboCop spots the little girl and the hideout that the resistance is using. We move on to OCP Headquarters, where we're introduced to the CEO of the Kanemitsu Corporation named Kanemitsu, played by the late Mako.
"Oh, God. What is Mako doing on this movie? Look here, Mako is a really good actor. He was nominated for an Academy Award for his role as Po-Han in The Sand Pebbles, he played Akiro the Wizard in Conan the Barbarian and Conan the Destroyer and he played the voice of Master Splinter in 2007's TMNT. He also voiced Aku in Samurai Jack and he voiced Uncle Iroh in Avatar: The Last Airbender. And no, I am not going to make fun of Mako, he is an awesome actor. Unlike a certain critic with glasses who made fun of him and angered some Mako fans. Mako is one of my favorite actors of all time and I'm a bit confuzzled. That's right, confuzzled. To see him in a bad movie like this." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, Kanemitsu is not happy with OCP's failure with the progress on the Delta City project. Also, The Old Man is gone and we're introduced to The CEO of OCP, played by Rip Torn?
"Rip, come on man! I know you. What were you thinking? Were you ripped and torn while you were doing this movie? This was a guy who was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for his role as Marsh Turner in the film Cross Creek. He was nominated for six Emmy Awards for his role as Artie in The Larry Sanders Show. I spoke to Rip Torn and I asked him about being in RoboCop 3. This was his response." Sean said.
(A picture of Rip Torn is shown with audio from him being arrested for drunk driving is heard)
Rip Torn: (Drunk) Go to hell, you guys. Take these cuffs off and let me take a piss. And I have witnesses to what I drank one and a half drinks. I'm an movie actor. You have to pay the f****** price to film me.
(A clip from World's Dumbest Meltdowns is shown)
Bryan Callen: Rip, you're still a great actor in my book. With a long resume. So chin up you'll feel terrible in the morning.
"Really? No Dan O'Herlihy?" Brian asked.
"Nope, we're stuck with Rip Torn." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But hey, the only returning character from OCP is Johnson, once again played by Felton Perry. I don't know why Johnson is still working for the idiots after the "Whoops! I just put the brain of a drug dealer inside a giant killer robot!" events of RoboCop 2. And since the rebels have caused so much trouble for the Rehab Team, they want RoboCop to join them and get the police on their side. Aside from that, Kanemitsu sends over their own cyborg of their own. A cyborg ninja.
"Cyborg ninja? Cyborg ninja? Man, this sounds like something written in a bad fan fiction." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) This cyborg ninja that Kanemitsu is sending over is named Otomo, played by Bruce Locke.
"He played Shang Tsung in Mortal Kombat: Conquest. I cannot believe that I remember that show that I watched when I was a kid." Sean said, chuckling a bit.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, we cut to the Detroit Police Department, where we see RoboCop is getting fixed up by Dr. Marie Lazarus, played by Jill Hennessy from Law & Order and Crossing Jordan. She's the top scientist on RoboCop research and maintenance. Fleck played by Bradley Whitford, who will be forever by typecast as the corporate weasel or as Josh Lyman in The West Wing for seven seasons, is here not only to recruit RoboCop to the Rehab Team but he is pissed off that he disobeyed a direct order.
Dr. Marie Lazarus (Played by Jill Hennessy): My real opinion?
Fleck (Played by Bradley Whitford): No, lie. Make up a story.
Dr. Marie Lazarus: Well Mr. Fleck, offhand, I'd say the reason he'd disobeyed a direct order is if he didn't agree with it.
Fleck: Excuse me?
Dr. Marie Lazarus: He made a decision. His friend was in trouble, he made a judgment call. Cops do that, you know? It's in his manual.
"That's right. Listen to this hot female doctor who we just knew seconds ago." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But Fleck isn't too happy with RoboCop acting too human and he wants Dr. Lazarus to install a chip that will wipe all of Murphy's emotions.
Fleck: 'Cause I got news for you, babe. I don't give a shit how smart you are. OCP owns the cops. That means they own him, and it means they own your cute little ass.
"And President Josiah Bartlet hired him to be his White House Deputy Chief of Staff and Chief Political Advisor." Sean said, referencing the NBC drama The West Wing.
Sean: (Narrating) The police are trying to look for the Anti-OCP terrorists and Robo figures it would be a good time to check the place where they're hiding out at after he recognizes the location, so Lewis tags along with him.
Cop with Body Armor (Played by Graciela Marin): Hey, Lewis. You want your body armor?
Lewis: What? No, I'm off duty.
"Oh, I'm sure she'll be fine." Sean said as the castle thunder sound effect is heard in the background, causing the critic to look around the room. "What the hell was that?"
Sean: (Narrating) But Lewis is concerned about her partner's humanity.
Lewis: Robo, are you okay?
RoboCop: I'm fine. And call me Murphy.
(Lewis smiles at her partner)
"Oh, he's fine. I'm sure that they didn't do anything to screw up his head like in the last film." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) RoboCop and Lewis arrive at the church where the rebels are hiding out at. As they enter the church, they find some poor, defenseless and well-armed civilians inside with families. Until McDaggett and the Rehab Team arrive at the church armed to the teeth. Also for some reason RoboCop still has his Prime Directives still in place, even though we clearly seen then get wiped out in the last movie. Well, they're not going to explain why he still have his Prime Directives. But anyway, RoboCop shoots at the Rehab Team, which leads to this.
RoboCop: Back off, or there will be trouble.
Lewis: Now you're talking, Murphy. We're not budging. If you wanna get in there, you're going to have to shoot through us.
McDaggett: I don't have a huge problem with that.
(McDaggett shoots and mortally wounds Lewis with a Colt XM177E2 carbine)
Sean stays silent with a look of shock on his face. "Well, she asked for it. And you'd think I'd be pretty pissed off about Lewis getting killed off but I'm not. Actually, actress Nancy Allen requested for her character to be killed after seeing the direction that this franchise was headed and hell, she wanted out and I don't blame her."
Sean: (Narrating) RoboCop is unable to shoot at his friend's murderer because that pesky Directive Four is in his way. He gets hit in the chest with a grenade and the rebels try to save him. But before he leaves with the rebels, Lewis in her dying breath, has a request for Murphy.
Lewis: (Dying) Get them for me. Promise me.
RoboCop: I promise.
Lewis: Murphy…..
(Lewis dies)
RoboCop: Officer down.
(The scene then transitions to a clip from Bambi, showing a scene of bright colors, singing, birds etc.)
"Sorry, I had to." Sean starts laughing a bit.
Sean: (Narrating) The Rehab Team storm the church but too late for them, the rebels have escaped with RoboCop.
McDaggett: Damn.
Seltz (Played by Judson Vaughn): We're tracking him, sir. He's moving.
(Seltz hands McDaggett the tracker)
McDaggett: That's impossible. The building is surrounded. He's gone underground.
(A clip from Jamiroquai's Deeper Underground music video is shown)
Jamiroquai: (Sings) I'm going deeper underground. There's too much panic in this town.
"Did I just reference one of Jamiroquai's songs? For those of you young ones who don't know who Jamiroquai is, they're an English jazz-funk band from London. They gave us Virtual Insanity, Canned Heat, Space Cowboy and Deeper Underground." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, RoboCop escapes with the rebels and they take him to their hideout and they try to find out what's wrong with him until Nikko finds the tracking beacon. Wait, how the hell does she know where that was? Oh, screw it. Let's move on. Meanwhile, Dr. Lazarus gets a phone call from that slimy bastard Fleck about a fabricated news report on RoboCop killing Lewis.
McDaggett: (On TV) It's hard to believe that she was gunned down by her own partner.
Casey Wong (Played by the late Mario Machado): An OCP spokesperson has confirmed that RoboCop has joined the terrorist rebel forces. He is heavily armed and should be considered extremely dangerous.
Dr. Marie Lazarus: TV off.
(The television turns off by itself)
Fleck: Congratulations, sweet cheeks. Now listen up. I want your legendary ass and your corporate I.D. card in my office by 7:00 a.m. tomorrow. And maybe you won't be brought up on charges. Meantime, you might want to decide whose side you're on. Sleep tight.
"They don't explain anything." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) Back at OCP Headquarters, we see that the shit has literally hit the fan.
Johnson (Played by Felton Perry): He what?!
Fleck: He opened fire on the Rehabs they said he's gone underground.
Johnson: Oh, there goes our PR budget.
Fleck: It's too big to put a lid on. Company line is he's gone renegade.
(Johnson and Fleck are walking in OCP, looking at the chaos around them)
Fleck: It's the Fall of Rome around here. It's Darwin time, you know what I'm saying? Survival of the least expendable.
Johnson: Remember the Old Man, Jeff. Everyone's expendable.
"Uh, yeah. I have a question. Whatever happened to the Old Man? Was he ever indicted on the charges involving the RoboCain incident in the last film? Anyone care to explain that? No explanation whatsoever. We're not gonna know? I guess the movie doesn't even care." Sean said.
(We then cut to a man who's in his office who climbs out on the ledge after opening the window)
Woman on Vidphone (Played by Dianne Butler): It can't be that bad. Honey, can you hear me? Are you there?
(The man jumps off of the ledge)
Woman on Vidphone: Every corporation goes through this sort of thing.
"Oh, piss off movie! That was pretty dark! Was that meant to be funny for a film pandering to kids? At least give this film some dignity. That was fucking terrible." Sean said.
(We cut to the man falling to his death after hitting the ground)
"Okay, this movie stopped caring. If this movie doesn't care, then why should I care?" Sean asked.
(We cut back to the scene where the man is about to jump)
Woman on Vidphone: It can't be that bad. Honey, can you hear me?
(An audio clip from Ice Age: The Meltdown is played during the scene right when the man jumps)
Crash (Voiced by Seann William Scott): I can fly! I believe I can fly!
(The man hits the ground)
"Ooooookay." Brian said.
"There! If you don't care, then I don't care. Nobody cares about anything. To quote Mad Cyborg 2552: "This is the shit that no one gives."!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) Aside from the news of RoboCop's desertion and OCP stocks plummeting, Otomo is here to see Rip Torn.
The CEO (Played by Rip Torn): (To Otomo) We have a warrant out on the arrest of RoboCop. If we can eliminate him, then we'll find that squatters are more, uh. Well, let's say, easily persuaded.
"Well, so far. The squatters haven't been easily persuaded because they made you look like idiots at the church. This is a stupid plan that's not going to work." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) After Otomo leaves, the CEO has to deal with Fleck with some news regarding his job at Security Concepts.
The CEO: Security Concepts can kiss my freckled butt. You're fired. You heard me, Fleck! You're fired. Get out of here.
(After he gets fired, Fleck turns around and pulls out his handgun from out of his coat before leaving the office)
"Aw, don't be sad Bradley Whitford. Hey, in two years you'll be playing a corporate weasel in a really good Adam Sandler movie and you'll get to star in a really good, well an excellent TV show on NBC with Martin Sheen, Allison Janney, Rob Lowe and an ensemble cast created by Aaron Sorkin. Things will be going great with your career." Sean said.
Johnson: (After The CEO likes his plan) Thank you, sir. I really….
(A gunshot is heard, indicating that Fleck shot himself)
Sean stayed silent without saying another word.
"Next?" Brian asked.
Sean: (Narrating) We cut to the rebels' hideout, where we see them trying to fix up RoboCop but they don't have the tools to fix him. You know for a group of rebels, you're not that kinda bright.
Moreno (Played by the late Daniel von Bargen): This isn't a valve job on a Chevy. I never worked on a damn RoboCop before. I can do the body work, but…
Bertha: Look, all we gotta do is hold on to the Heights for three more days. He can hold out till then, can't he?
Moreno: Bertha, are you listening to me?! Huh? He is messed up. We don't have the equipment.
Bertha: Well, who the hell does?!
"Here's what you should do, maybe go find a scientist to has the tools to fix RoboCop. Duh!" Sean yelled at the camera.
Sean: (Narrating) And what do you know, Nikko heads down to the police station to find Dr. Lazarus and she brings her with her to the hideout. Oh and you remember that chip that Fleck wanted her to install in RoboCop to get rid of his emotions? Well, she didn't put the chip in him, she destroyed the chip. Meanwhile, Otomo searches for the rebels' hideout until he comes across some rebels who aren't happy to see him.
Rebel: You must be one of Kanemitsu's boys. I'm impressed. Trouble is your boss he kind of owns OCP. And OCP's kind of on our shitlist with a bullet!
(Otomo grabs the resistance fighter's SKS rifle and throws it at the other resistance fighter, stabbing him with the bayonet. Otomo jumps up and grabs the XM177E2 Commando rifle, then shoots the other resistance fighter. Right when Otomo goes after the man, the resistance fighter grabs the metal pipe and hits Otomo in the face with it. We then see Otomo's jaw is out of place as he fixes himself up as horror music is heard along with Sean screaming)
"Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! AAH! This is it! This movie is punishment for me to repent all of the terrible things that I've done by showing me this creepy image of Otomo putting his jaw back together with that creepy as grin on his face. Look, if you want me to confess for all of my sins, I'LL CONFESS! I was the one responsible for cancelling Best Friends Whenever and Girl Meets World! I was the one who told Pepsi that Pepsi Fire would be a good idea! I was the one who put Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin together! I was the one who caused all of the wildfires in California! I was the one who encouraged Warner Bros. to make Teen Titans Go! To The Movies! Just please, please take me out of this scene! TAKE ME OUT!" Sean screamed.
Rebel: You can tell your bosses to kiss my ass!
(Otomo snaps the rebel's neck and grabs the map from off of his corpse)
"Wow, this guy doesn't fuck around." Brian said.
"Cut to the next scene." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Back with the rebels, Nikko takes Dr. Lazarus back to their base and she begins fixing up RoboCop and while he's being fixed, Robo deletes Directive 4. Again, why the hell would he still have that even though he got rid of his directives in the last film? Explain, movie! And then we get….
(We see an image of Murphy's wife Ellen, once again played by Angie Bolling, then the image switches to his partner Lewis, then the image switches to Dr. Lazarus)
"What the hell is going on there? Did Murphy have a flashback to watching Michael Jackson's Black or White music video?" Sean asked.
(The clip is shown once more, this time the song Black or White by Michael Jackson starts playing)
Sean: (Narrating) After Robo gets fixed up, we got to have our little adorable moment between RoboCop and the little girl Nikko because this is a RoboCop movie for the whole family!
RoboCop: Your parents, you miss them?
Nikko: Yeah.
RoboCop: But you remember them because if you remember them they're never really gone.
(Nikko lays her head on RoboCop as Robo places his hand on her head)
Nikko: Hey Murphy, I'm glad your new heart works.
(RoboCop starts to gently pet her head like a kitten while she's asleep)
Dr. Lazarus: I heard voices.
RoboCop: (To Dr. Lazarus) Shh.
Sean: (V/O as RoboCop) Soft kitty. Warm kitty. Little ball of fur.
"Oh, my God. What did you do to RoboCop? Remember when he was awesome?" Sean asked.
(Various clips from the first two films are shown, showing some of Robo's most awesome moments like shooting a rapist in the groin, punching a man out the window, getting into shootouts, fighting ED-209 and fighting RoboCain)
"And here, they just watered RoboCop down and turned him into a complete pussy!" Sean yelled at the camera. "I mean, how did we go from this?"
(A clip from RoboCop is shown. The scene playing is ED-209 killing Kinney during a demonstration)
"To this." Sean said, pointing to his right.
(A clip from RoboCop 3 is shown)
ED-209: (After Nikko reprograms him) I am now authorized to…. Be loyal as a puppy.
"This." Sean said, pointing to his left.
(Another clip from RoboCop is shown. The clip being shown is Dick Jones' death scene at the end of the film. Murphy shoots Jones until he falls out of the window to his death)
"To this!" Sean points to his right once more.
(Another clip from RoboCop 3 is shown. The scene being shown is Nikko laying her head on Murphy's lap and falls asleep, then Murphy starts petting her head like a kitten and we hear an audience saying "Awww!" in the background)
Sean then opens up another bottle of beer and starts drinking it. "Man, I'm getting tired of films like RoboCop getting watered down."
Sean: (Narrating) Back with Otomo, he arrives at a gas station and steals a Detroit street map. But the hack surgeon who cut Officer Duffy open from RoboCop 2 isn't going to let him get away with it without paying.
Gas Station Clerk (Played by Gary Bullock): (Goes after Otomo) What are you deaf? Son of a….
(Otomo pulls out a katana as the gas station clerk steps back. Otomo then slashes at the gas station sign once, then puts his katana away before walking away. After he walks away, the sign breaks apart as sparks fly out)
"Well, that was pointless." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Back with the rebels, remember that little device that they stole from the police depot, well it turns out to be a new toy for RoboCop that Dr. Lazarus created which served as a prototype. God, that sounds like something in a bad RoboCop fanfiction. And after a flashback of Lewis' death, RoboCop tries to make do with his promise and he goes out on his quest to go down to the precinct and kick some Rehab ass and destroying the Rehab staging area.
Rehab Officer #1: Hey, you got a light?
Rehab Officer #2: Sure, man.
RoboCop: Allow me, scum.
(RoboCop, who's armed with his gun arm, fires his flamethrower as the two Rehab officers jump out of the way. A few other Rehab officers leave the room while RoboCop continues to set everything on fire)
"Hey kids, look! Here's a new RoboCop action figure that we're selling. And this time, he comes with a new Robo-flamethrower!" Sean cheered.
Sean: (Narrating) RoboCop torches the everloving Christ out of anything, going on a one-man crusade for vengeance and to look for that British bastard who killed his partner. Back with McDaggett, he's hiding out at a seedy hotel and he's having a little chat with McDagget through the vidphone and we see that the bad guys have a little device of their own.
"Hey, I don't know what that device is. But I know it is pure evil." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But it seems as though there's a traitor in the rebellion who tipped McDaggett and sold the rebels out.
Coontz: I understand you're willing to pay good money to know where the rebel base op is./Well, uh, the last tip saved your ass.
"What a surprise." Sean said, nonchalantly. "Really? Was that meant to be a big dramatic reveal? Hell, when I first saw the film when I was around eight or nine years old, I called it real quick when that dude starts acting like a little bitch."
Coontz: It is not worth it. It is not worth this shit!
"And second, he wasn't even well hidden in the shadows! It was easy enough to tell who he was. I clearly saw his fucking face in the goddamn light. Are you even trying harder, movie?! How many shades of pissed off do you want me to get?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Outside the hotel, we see two Rehab goons trying to harass a prostitute, who's a bit too young to be a prostitute, and Robo shows up.
RoboCop: (After seeing two Rehab officers trying to harass a teen prostitute) She said no.
(The Rehab officers spot RoboCop)
"Alright, remember what you did to the rapist in the first film?" Sean asked.
(A clip from RoboCop is shown. RoboCop shoots the rapist in the groin)
"Now, do the same thing to the two of them. Screw the PG-13 rating. They wouldn't care if you shot somebody in the…" Sean said.
(RoboCop just shoots two of the Rehab officers with his Auto-9, but he doesn't shoot them in the groin. He just shoots them)
"Or you can just shoot them square in the chest. I'm sad to say that was pretty awesome. I mean, it's the most enjoyable part of the film." Sean said.
RoboCop: Go home, young lady. You are in violation of curfew.
"Seriously, what's with Murphy coming up with wisecracks? He's failing miserably. I mean, he wasn't even like that in the first two films. In the first two films, he said lines that you would believe that came out of a law enforcement robot." Sean said.
(Clips from RoboCop and RoboCop 2 are shown)
RoboCop (Played by Peter Weller): Thank you for your cooperation, good night./Come quietly or there will be trouble./Let's talk./Isn't this a school day?/Cain! Let's step outside.
Sean: (Narrating) RoboCop enters the hotel to find McDaggett. But first he plays trick shots with one of the Rehab officers, then he makes it to McDaggett, but Robo doesn't shoot him as McDaggett gets away and Coontz makes a run for it as well. Really? You had that evil sack of fish and chips, earl grey-drinking son of a bitch at your sights but yet you can't even shoot him. What kind of cyborg are you?
(A clip from Judge Judy is shown)
Judge Judy Sheindlin: You're an idiot!
Sean: (Narrating) So, McDaggett gets away in a truck and then we get the most dumbest part of the fucking movie.
RoboCop: (To the pimp) I must commandeer your vehicle for police use.
Pimp (Played by Ron Leggett): What is your problem, sucker?
(The pimp pulls out a switchblade after he turns around and sees RoboCop. He drops his knife and hands his keys over to RoboCop)
Pimp: I mean, officer.
(RoboCop gets in the pimp's vehicle, a pink Cadillac)
"Oh shit, now I got to use that joke." Sean said.
(A clip from Austin Powers in Goldmember is shown)
Austin Powers (Played by Mike Myers): Smashing, Basil. A pimpmobile.
"You know, now that I think about it. Aren't we all glad that they didn't make a RoboCop vs. Terminator movie? Because this one and Terminator 3 sucked. Because if they did, then it would suck balls." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We then get another car chase, a very crappy car chase involving RoboCop, McDaggett and the Rehab officer shooting at each other and the pimpmobile taking a shitload of bullets and grenades. It just goes to show that cars in Detroit are tough as shit. But right now, the automotive industry in Detroit is shit out of luck. But then McDaggett manages to lose Robocop by throwing money out.
(A clip from World's Dumbest Criminals is shown)
Daniel Baldwin: (While throwing the money out of the car) Throwing the money. Throwing the money. Throwing the money.
(A bunch of kids playing street hockey start grabbing some money. RoboCop sees some children playing on the street and stops his vehicle as McDaggett gets away)
"Another scumbag to shoot out of a skyscraper." Sean said, imitating RoboCop.
Sean: (Narrating) Back at the hideout, we see that the rat bastard traitor Coontz returns and he holds everyone at gunpoint.
Moreno: You son of a bitch.
Coontz: Hey. Watch the language, there's children present, remember?
"Yeah, this movie is rated PG-13. Kids are watching this movie." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But Coontz is an idiot when he doesn't check his surroundings when Zack sneaks up on him and holds him at gunpoint.
Zack: Drop it, Coontz. I'm not gonna ask twice.
(Coontz drops his gun on the floor as Moreno immediately gets up from his chair)
Moreno: What do you mean about, "it'll all be over in a few minutes"?
"He means my threesome with pornstar Kendra Lust and my girlfriend Taylor. What the fuck do you think, you idiot?! He means that they're coming and they're going to kill you all!" Sean yelled at the camera.
Sean: (Narrating) But then the Rehab stormtroopers arrive as the rebels flee for their lives, taking some of the fighting members out, including Bertha. But Dr. Lazarus helps Nikko escape, but the good doctor ends up getting captured by McDaggett and his goon squad.
"But wait, what about Coontz? Are the Rehab officers going to leave him alive?" Sean asked.
(We see that Coontz was killed in the assault. The wah wah machine plays, then we cut to Sean shrugging his shoulders at the camera, a la Nostalgia Critic)
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, down at the police station, McDaggett tries to hire the Detroit Police Department for more manpower to relocate people to their rehabilitation facitlities, but Sgt. Reed played by Robert DoQui, say that is not their line of work.
Sgt. Reed (Played by the late Robert DoQui): Driving people out of their homes is no work for a cop!
Johnson: Now, sergeant. Fifteen years on the force is quite an investment. Your job, your pension. Maybe instead of worrying about these squatters, might think about your own family.
Sean: (Narrating) So, in other words, Sgt. Reed and the rests of the Detroit P.D. tell OCP to eat shit and die and they walk off. Wait, didn't we already see something like this in the last film?
"Oh, Christ. They're rehashing RoboCop 2." Sean said, sitting his head down on the coffee table.
Sean: (Narrating) Since they can't get the cops to join them, who will McDaggett ask to help them out with taking Cadillac Heights? Recruit the criminals! Oh yeah, he recruits the Splatterpunks to help them take Cadillac Heights. Like that's a good idea, give a bunch of psychopaths a bunch of automatic weapons and explosive weaponry.
Sean sighs and imitates Jean-Luc Picard with a facepalm after realizing how stupid McDaggett's plan is. "Bright idea, not!"
Sean: (Narrating) After that, we're treated to an animated commercial that's directed by David Silverman, one of the animators of The Simpsons. A commercial advertising some Johnny Rehab toys. Then, we cut to MediaBreak, where we get another fabricated story about RoboCop killing a bunch of nuns. But hey, Nikko happens to arrive at OCP headquarters through some vents and with her hacking skills, we see….
(We see MediaBreak anchor Casey Wong picking his nose while the camera is still on him)
"Don't worry, folks. He was just scratching his nose. There was no pick. I repeat, no pick." Sean said, referencing the Seinfeld episode The Pick.
Sean: (Narrating) But hey, she finds that Dr. Lazarus is brought to the exact same location.
Dr. Lazarus: (Yells at the camera) You lousy sons of bitches! OCP bastards!
McDaggett: Nobody is listening to you, sweetheart.
"Uh, dude. You can clearly hear her." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We have like 15 minutes of movie left, so it's time for that climax and for me to finish up this stupid review. The Detroit police force head down to Cadillac Heights to help the civilians defend their homes from OCP. But hey, we still remember that RoboCop is still in this movie, so he arrives at the rebels' hideout, only to see that it's abandoned and in shambles. But he's not the only one alone. He has a surprise visitor.
(Otomo jump kicks RoboCop in the face, knocking him down. RoboCop gets back up as Otomo does another jump kick attack on him)
Sean: (V/O) Oh, really? Is that his only move that he knows? Just jumping at Robocop?
RoboCop: You are under arrest for assaulting an officer.
(RoboCop pulls out his Auto-9 pistol but gets it knocked out of his hand by Otomo. Otomo, then cuts off RoboCop's fingers)
RoboCop: And destruction of police property.
(Otomo cuts off RoboCop's left hand)
"Remember when RoboCop was awesome?" Sean asked.
(More clips from RoboCop and RoboCop 2 are shown. The first clip shows RoboCop destroying ED-209 with a Cobra Assault Cannon. And the second clip shows him having an epic death battle with RoboCain)
Sean: (Narrating) So Otomo attacks RoboCop with a jumping attack. And another jumping attack. And another jumping…. For the love of! Stop using your damn jumping attacks and use your sword to cut his head off! This fight scene is boring and I'm not pumped up for the fight!
(Otomo starts showing off by swinging his katana)
"STOP SHOWING OFF! If somebody doesn't kill somebody soon, then I will!" Sean yelled at the camera.
(Right before Otomo tries to kill RoboCop, RoboCop puts on his gun arm, takes aim and fires a smart bomb at Otomo's head, defeating him)
"Thank you!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) Back with the citizens and the Detroit police force, they get into a shootout with the Rehab Team and the Rocky Horror Mad Gear gang and you know what, The CEO is not a big fan of it.
The CEO: We don't fire on police officers! You're out of line, McDaggett. I'm still in charge here. I'm pulling the plug.
McDaggett: Sit down.
The CEO: What? Have you gone war-wacky?
(McDaggett picks up his Desert Eagle Mark I and aims it at The CEO.
McDaggett: I said, sit down.
"I will kill you before you star in a movie that will ruin your career." Sean said, referencing the Tom Green flop Freddy Got Fingered while speaking in a bad British accent.
Sean: (Narrating) Nikko manages to find Dr. Lazarus and hack the security cameras from the air vent, giving Dr. Lazarus some airtime to mention that OCP are lying to them and that they're a bunch of capitalist pigs and the Rehab Team are evil! Oh, yeah. I forgot. She did mention a handy-dandy jetpack with an auxiliary power supply for Robo to use because the fight left him weak.
"And then we get this!" Sean points out.
(RoboCop comes flying in the battlefield to help the rebels and the Detroit PD)
Sean: (Narrating) That's right, folks! Tell me that is not jumping the shark right there. RoboCop is flying and we get a crappy blue screen effect.
"Bad. Amateur. Fan. Fiction!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, McDaggett is pissed and he still has the super-secret evil device that we don't know what it is. OCP stock is plummeting and since RoboCop has a jetpack now, he finally arrives to take care of McDaggett and avenge Lewis' death.
McDaggett: How may I help you, officer?
RoboCop: By resisting arrest.
McDaggett: Don't count on it, chum. Anyway, what's the charge?
RoboCop: The murder of Anne Lewis. (Aims his gun arm at McDaggett) Dead or alive, you're coming with me.
"Okay, remember what you did to Dick Jones in the first film? Make sure you do the same thing to him in this one. I don't care if it's PG-13, you shoot his British ass out of the window." Sean said with a smile on his face.
(A second Otomo arrives, standing behind RoboCop with an evil grin on his face)
"Okay. You know what Otomo reminds me of? He reminds me of Nicolas Cage, Willem Dafoe and Ryan Higa combined. And second, what the fuck?! Another one? Like I need another shitty fight scene." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) RoboCop shoots the cyborg samurai in the face and he's stuck with that evil grin through out the scene. Well, that was easy…
(Another Otomo android enters the room)
Sean: (Narrating) What the shit? Another one!
"How many of these fucking things are there?!" Sean asked, yelling.
Sean: (Narrating) And they attack RoboCop with another jumping attack. Oh, come on! They just nudged him! Until out little Nikko Ex-Machnina appears and reprograms the two cyborg ninjas to attack each other like they're Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly fighting over a drum set in Step Brothers.
(The two Otomo androids attack each other while music from Step Brothers start playing right when they cut each other's heads off)
(A clip from Step Brothers is shown)
Nancy Huff (Played by Mary Steenburgen): What the fuckin fuck?!
McDaggett: Stupid fools! Don't you know what you've done to us?!
(We see that the Otomos' self-destruct sequence is activated)
McDaggett: Those androids are programmed with a thermal fail-safe device.
Dr. Lazarus: You mean to self-destruct?
McDaggett: In 15 seconds, everything within 20 yards of where we're standing will be atomized. We're dead, you stupid slag.
"Um, McDaggett. I have like a couple of questions here. One: Why didn't the first Otomo that was destroyed earlier self-destruct? And number two: You had those two androids fight RoboCop knowing that he was able to defeat them, you'd all die in a nuclear explosion. And three: That's what the fucking case does?! It's a fucking thermal bomb! What's the point of it even existing anyway?! God, you have got to be the dumbest fucking movie villain I have seen in my life!" Sean yelled at the camera.
Sean: (Narrating) You know what? I have wonderful news, the movie is almost over. So, let's wrap this up. RoboCop fries McDaggett's legs and flies outta there with Dr. Lazarus and Nikko, leaving McDumbass to die in the explosion. Mr. Kanemitsu arrives and fires Rip Torn. Kanemitsu bows to RoboCop and the group respectively and we end with this.
The CEO: Well, I got to hand it to you. What do they call you? Murphy, is it?
RoboCop: My friends call me Murphy. You call me RoboCop.
(The end credits roll. We see the words "Directed by FRED DEKKER" and the words "Thanks for watching. NO REFUNDS!" shown on the screen)
"Thank, Christ! I did it. I made it through RoboCop 3, one of the worst sequels ever made." Sean said, sighing in relief. "But on the bright side, I did look forward to listening to that epic RoboCop theme by Basil Poledouris. It was in the first film. It is my reward for torturing myself throughout this movie. So, that's the only good thing about this movie, was the music."
(Clips from the film are shown)
Sean: (Narrating) The movie feels like bad RoboCop fan fiction with some OC's that they created rather than a story about RoboCop. The movie had major themes of the plot that were taken from Frank Miller's rejected draft of RoboCop 2 but the execs at Orion Pictures screwed him. But hey, at least we got Frank Miller's RoboCop in comic book form. Plus, this film killed Fred Dekker's career. After the film was released, he stopped directing after how bad RoboCop 3 was. Since then, Dekker's done some TV screenwriting for Star Trek: Enterprise and last year he wrote the screenplay for The Predator with Shane Black, who directed the film. I read an article that Fred Dekker is planning on returning to the director's chair. Not to mention, Orion Pictures was going bankrupt back in the '90s. This is the same movie company that brought us two Academy Award winning film. My biggest complaint about the film would have to be the PG-13 rating. The first two films were a hard "R" rating with the graphic violence and language and since kids watch RoboCop, they figure to make it a PG-13 RoboCop film. Anyway, RoboCop 3 is not a film that you should track down and watch, believe me. If you're a fan of RoboCop, like me… just stick with RoboCop and RoboCop 2 and say RoboCop 3 is dead to you. The movie is cheap, it's stupid and it doesn't involve RoboCop as much. If you're in the mood to riff on a film, then this is the one for you. RoboCop 3 is getting 2 OCP symbols out of 5.
"Well, that's another bad sequel down. Only three left. Hey, I might be able to get through this alive. I'm gonna do it!" Sean said with a smile on his face. "So, what's the next film on my agenda?"
(The cover for Mortal Kombat: Annihilation is shown with a 'DUN-DUN-DUN' music sting)
"Son of a….!" Sean exclaimed.
Mayhem Critic Tagline- Eat lead, suckers!
And that's all for the RoboCop 3 review of The Mayhem Critic. If you're a fan of RoboCop, what did you think of RoboCop 3? I would love to hear your opinion. And would you prefer the first two over the third film? Next time, Sequelitis Month continues when Sean faces a certain sequel that he watched when he was a child, and he's gonna need all the help he can get. And that movie is Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. Will the critic give this movie a killer fatality? We'll find out next time. Don't forget to review this story, add it to your favorites and follow it for future updates. Since it's Sequelitis Month for The Mayhem Critic, what are your favorite sequels? Would love to hear from you. My favorite sequels are Terminator 2: Judgment Day, Return of the Jedi, RoboCop 2, Ghostbusters II, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Superman II, The Godfather Part II and Aliens. I have a few more favorite sequels but it's a lot to name. LOL. See you guys next tune. Till next time, my fellow readers.