The Mayhem Critic
Aloha, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker and I'm bringing you another great and hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Today, Sean continues The Summer of Disney when he takes a look at Recess: School's Out, a movie that had a harder time getting a larger audience and it being the forgotten movie. And he's not doing this review alone because another critic is going to join him on this review. This is an OC created by fellow writer Dragonshadow97 and the name of his OC is Chris Preston-Kisaragi a.k.a. Ryoma the Craze Critic. This is going to be one awesome review. So sit back, relax and grab yourself a cold one, this is the new chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Enjoy.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All rights belong to their respective sources. Recess: School's Out is owned by Walt Disney Pictures and Paul and Joe Productions.
The Summer of Disney Part V: Recess: School's Out
We open the review with our favorite critic Sean J. Archer, a.k.a. The Mayhem Critic, sitting at his desk in his office trying to pick which movie to review for the upcoming 100th episode while eating a ham and roast beef sandwich and drinking a can of Minute Maid lemonade.
"Okay, which movie to pick for episode 100? Boy, a big milestone and I'm having trouble trying to pick out the movie. Maybe I can review Lifeforce for my 100th episode. Oh, wait. Brandon Tenold beat me to the punch before I started this show. Maybe I'll review either Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, Escape from New York, The Powerpuff Girls Movie or probably Roland Emmerich's Godzilla." Sean said as he looks at his watch and realizes what time it is. "Oh, shit. Opening skit over! Time for the review."
Sean immediately runs out of the office and quickly heads downstairs as he makes his way into the living room while he almost trips over his cat.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one. And welcome back to…" Sean said.
(We cut back to Sean as he heads back to his office and starts speaking in a loud, booming voice)
Loud, Booming Voice: THE SUMMER OF DISNEY!
(Sean grabs his sandwich and starts taking a bite out of it before leaving his office. We then cut back to Sean heading to his living room)
"When I was a little kid back in 1997 I remember watching a little Saturday morning block on ABC called One Saturday Morning. And boy, did I have an awesome childhood!" Sean cheered with a smile on his face.
(Footage from Disney's One Saturday Morning is shown)
Sean: (Narrating) Ah, yes. Disney's One Saturday Morning. This is how I spend my Saturdays as a young lad. Yeah, it's that Kids WB and Fox Kids. Saturday morning cartoons, shows for children to enjoy when they have a day off from school and church. One Saturday Morning was a children's programming block that ran from 1997 to 2002 and it was later replaced by ABC Kids that ran until 2011. One Saturday Morning when it was great. Remember shows like 101 Dalmations: The Series, Pepper Ann, Jungle Cubs, Mighty Ducks and (a poster for Disney's Doug is shown) ugh, Doug. Let's not forget Mrs. Munger's Class, Schoolhouse Rock, Manny the Uncanny, How Things Werk and Great Minds Think 4 Themselves which actually had Robin Williams reprising his role as the voice of the Genie. That was pretty awesome. Let's not forget shows in the later years like Lloyd in Space, Mickey Mouse Works, House of Mouse, Hercules: The Animated Series, Buzz Lightyear of Star Command, The Weekenders, Fillmore, Teacher's Pet, Buzz Lightyear of Star Command, Mary-Kate and Ashley In Action… what the hell? Was that a thing? Oh, yeah. And Teamo Supremo. Some of these shows were so popular that they got their own films like Doug's First Movie, Teacher's Pet and today's movie that I will be talking about.
"So, what movie am I going to be talking about? Recess: School's Out." Sean said.
(The title screen for the movie is shown while clips from the movie are being played. The song "Dancing in the Street" by Myra plays in the background)
Sean: (Narrating) Released in theaters on February 16, 2001. Man, that's like nine days till my 9th birthday, and I got Digimon: The Movie as a birthday gift! Anyway, the title of the movie doesn't make any sense. I mean, if school's out, how can there be recess? That's dumb. Also, for a movie based on a Saturday morning cartoon that's centered around recess, you have it dealing with a government conspiracy. But before I talk about the movie, let's talk about the TV show.
(The title screen for the show "Recess" is shown, followed by clips of the show)
Sean: (Narrating) The show "Recess" aired on Disney's One Saturday Morning from August 31st, 1997 to November 5th, 2001. The show centers around six fourth graders: you have the confident ringleader and impractical joker T.J. Detweiler voiced by Ross Malinger in season one and Andrew Lawrence in seasons two through season six, Vince LaSalle voiced by Rickey D'Shon Collins, tough girl Spinelli voiced by Pamela Adlon, smart girl Gretchen Grundler voiced by Ashley Johnson, the loveable chubby kid Mikey Blumberg voiced by the late Jason Davis and the new kid Gus Griswald voiced by Courtland Mead. The show centers around, you guessed it, recess. The show satirizes the traditional human society complete with it's own government.
"Now how can you make a movie about recess that's based on a show that's centered on recess? Well, that's easy! Add a government conspiracy in the movie. Well, I can't review this movie alone. I know who to call." Sean said as he gets up from off of his couch.
(We hear the theme from Batman Returns as Sean presses a button on the remote to activate the signal that says "R" on it and looks to the side)
"Goddamn it, it's still daytime! You've gotta be kidding me." Sean said.
(The Next Day)
(The Batman Returns theme plays again as Sean tries again with the remote and looks to the side)
"Son of a bitch, there are no batteries in the remote! TAP-DANCING PIECE OF SHIT!" Sean yelled out as he throws the remote down on the ground, breaking it.
(The Next Day)
"This better work this time." Sean said to himself.
(He tries one more time with the remote, which is now taped up, and the signal is now successfully shining in the night sky. Sean's doorbell suddenly rings as he walks to the front door to open it)
"The time has come." Sean said.
"Hello, Critic." A fellow critic by the name of Ryoma the Craze Critic said as he enters the house.
The two critics take a seat on Sean's couch.
"So, can I get you anything? Lemonade, Pepsi, ginger ale?" Sean asked.
"I'll take a can of lemonade." Ryoma said.
"Alright. While Taylor is getting the lemonade and busy talking to Fiona, let's get this review started." Sean said.
"Sure. Did this movie become popular or was it forgotten? Well, let's tune in and find out." Ryoma said.
(The movie begins with the Walt Disney Pictures logo as the theme music plays)
We cut back to Sean and Ryoma who are both having the nostalgic feels from humming the theme.
(After the light forms the castle, a light flashes as we see T.J., Vince, Spinelli, Gretchen, Mikey and Gus standing around the logo and playing the music on the kazoo as Sean and Ryoma stop humming)
"Wow, it's like they just read our mind." Ryoma said.
"Hey, they should join Ralph Wiggum in the "Appearing in the Logo" group." Sean said.
(We see the Walt Disney Pictures logo and the 20th Century Fox logo being played side-by-side with the kids from "Recess" playing the kazoo and Ralph Wiggum humming the 20th Century Fox logo music badly)
Sean: (Narrating) So, we open up this children's movie with a military base being broken into.
"Because really, what would you expect from a children's movie to start with a major government conspiracy? Maybe I should start my reviews off with a major government conspiracy." Sean said.
Technician: It's a break-in! Erase the access code!
Frank: (Types in the code) X-Y-4-
Ryoma: (Narrating) Wow, for a bunch of technicians working at a military base they sure do type slow.
(Cutaway Gag Starts)
(We see Sean and Ryoma playing as two technicians)
Sean: Holy shit, Frank! Somebody's trying to break into the base. Quick! Erase the access code so nobody could get their hands on it.
Ryoma: Right!
(Ryoma slowly types the code in)
Sean: Hurry up!
Ryoma: I'm trying, dammit! (While typing) 1-4-2…
(An explosion is heard)
Sean: Oh, nice work, dumbass! They've already broken into the ba…
(Sean and Ryoma both get shot)
(Cutaway Gag Ends)
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, a bunch of hired goons enter the base and zaps the two technicians, knocking them out, then we see this guy with a cane just walking in. Also, he's the villain of the movie.
Man with the Cane: Neatly done, Fernlick.
Fenwick (Voiced by Peter MacNicol): It's, uh, Fenwick, sir.
Man with the Cane: Oh. (Kicks the technician) Are they dead?
Fenwick: No, sir. Merely unconscious.
Man with the Cane: Good, good. You know how I hate violence.
"Buddy, my show contains movies that has senseless acts of violence in it. This program is not for you." Sean said.
Fenwick: Uh, what's next, sir?
Man with the Cane: Well, obviously, we establish our base.
Fenwick: And where will that be?
Man with the Cane: The last place on earth they'd look. (Places the map on the console) A place called 3rd Street School.
"What? 3rd Street School?! Why? For what reason? We'll find out later. Besides it's not like the teachers and the janitor will suspect a thing." Ryoma said.
Ryoma: (Narrating) So after that James Bond-style opening, we get a poorly-rendered CGI opening of the school. And yes, it's that bad. Hell, I've seen a better CGI opening in an animated feature.
(The CGI opening to Batman: Mask of the Phantasm is shown)
"Look what you did, movie. You've forced Ryoma's hand to make a reference to Batman: Mask of the Phantasm. That movie came out eight years ago when this movie was released and it's CGI opening is better than yours." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Well, you can thank God that there's only one more of these poorly-CGI animated scenes in the movie. Anyway, we see that it's the last day of school and we see that the kids are excited.
Ryoma: (Narrating) We see that residential snitch Randall, voiced by Ryan O'Donohue, snitches to Ms. Finster, voiced by April Winchell, but she's got other things on her mind.
Ms. Finster (Voiced by April Winchell): What I've got here is bigger, much bigger. All this year I've been holding back on the ice cream, hiding it from all those little savages. Just look at it, Randall. I'm counting 100, maybe 200 cases of it.
Randall (Voiced by Ryan O'Donohue): What are you going to do with all those ice creams, Ms. Finster?
Ms. Finster: Well, sell 'em back to the district, of course. Think of all the chalk and erasers we can get.
"That's right, all of the erasers that I can throw at a student's head if they tend to act up." Sean said, imitating Ms. Finster.
Sean: (Narrating) So, where's T.J. and his friends? Well, they're pulling off the biggest last day of school heist ever
Spinelli (Voiced by Pamela Adlon): Well, that should do it. There's enough here for everyone.
Vince (Voiced by Rickey D'Shon Collins): Good. Then it's party time.
(Mikey puts the ice cream in a catapult and gives a thumbs-up to Vince)
Vince: Kids of the playground! I give you ice cream!
Spinelli: Pull!
(Mikey pulls the rope on the catapult, flinging the ice cream to all of the children of the school)
"Man, I wish that the last day of school was like this for me, having someone fling ice cream from out of a catapult. That would've been awesome." Ryoma said.
Ryoma: (Narrating) Principal Prickly makes an announcement to the students regarding the ice cream and a little embarrassing tidbit about him.
Principal Prickly (Voiced by Dabney Coleman): Furthermore, I want to inform you all that I have a fat, saggy butt which I like to scratch every hour on the hour.
(The students start laughing)
Sean: (Narrating) But it's revealed to be T.J. voiced by Andrew Lawrence and he's once again getting under the skin of Principal Prickly, voiced by Dabney Coleman. Also, nice touch on the Voice Changing Machine from the episode "The Army Navy Game".
Principal Prickly: Why do you do this to me, Detweiler? Do you enjoy tormenting me? Do you hate me?
T.J. (Voiced by Andrew Lawrence): On the contrary, sir, I have only the utmost respect for you.
Principal Prickly: Don't be smart with me, boy. All year long you've been pushing me, testing me.
T.J.: Testing you? I don't know what you mean, sir.
Principal Prickly: Oh, really? How about the time you convinced the FBI I was a Chinese agent and got me arrested?
T.J.: I had to, sir. You were giving us a speech on personal hygiene. You had to be stopped
Principal Prickly: How about the time you forged my signature and ordered a motorboat for the school?
T.J.: It was for the Kindergarteners, sir. Owning a boat's always been kind of a dream of theirs.
"Yeah, until they start singing The Lonely Island's "On a Boat" and they end up wrecking the damn thing." Sean said.
Ryoma: (Narrating) But before Principal Prickly ends up killing T.J. with his bare hands, he tells him that school is about to end.
Kids in Unison: Six, five, four, three, two, one…
(As the clock strikes twelve, the bell rings and the kids cheer as Alice Cooper's "School's Out For Summer" starts playing in the background)
"Yeah, school's out, bitches! No more doing homework for you!" Sean yelled out as he rips up an English report.
"Hey, that's my English report!" Ryoma exclaimed.
"Oops, sorry." Sean apologized.
"Now I'm gonna have to start all over on it." Ryoma said.
Sean: (Narrating) School is over and T.J. is excited about spending summer vacation with his friends, but it looks like that his friends are going to various summer camps. You have Vince going to baseball camp, Spinelli going to wrestling camp, Gus going to military camp, Gretchen going to space camp and Mikey going to performing arts camp.
Mikey (Voiced by Jason Davis): The Young Voices Training Program doesn't like the word "camp". They provide opportunities for aspiring singers to train their voices in a rigorous yet supportive setting.
"Whatever. It's still a camp." Sean said.
T.J.: But summer's gonna be ruined. What am I gonna do? Play baseball all by myself? Watch reruns? Read?
Vince: Sorry, man. But we gotta think about our futures.
Spinelli: Yeah, we can't waste the whole summer just fooling around like kids.
"Well, isn't that what being a kid is all about?" Ryoma asked.
"And plus, that's what kids do over the summer. They fool around and get into trouble." Sean said.
Ryoma: (Narrating) And with his friends leaving for camp, T.J. is all alone. Man, his whole summer is gonna whomp. So he rides his bike around the block while "One is the Loneliest Number" plays and he does stuff by himself. So, he's stuck around the house moping. During a bike ride, T.J. notices something strange going on at his school.
T.J.: What the heck?
(T.J. sees a green light flashing coming from the school's gymnasium)
T.J.: That's weird.
Bald Guy (Voiced by Clancy Brown): Hey, you! Get away from that fence!
"Uh-oh! Bald guy coming right at you. Run! And he's got the voice of Clancy Brown. RUN!" Ryoma yelled out.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, during dinner, T.J. tells his parents, voiced by Paul Willson and April Winchell about what he saw earlier at the school and they don't believe him.
Mrs. Detweiler (Voiced by April Winchell): I'm sure he was just cleaning up.
T.J.: I think something weird's going on in there- something really weird.
(T.J.'s parents just look at him)
Mrs. Detweiler: (Sighs) Mrs. LaSalle was right. We should've sent him to some kind of camp.
"Look at him staring at the broccoli. I know that it's green. It's not like it's going to come after him." Sean said, imitating Mr. Detweiler.
Ryoma: (Narrating) The next day, T.J. investigates the school and spots several vehicles approaching and parking outside the school. So he sees the green glow coming from the cafeteria, so he decided to move in to take a closer look.
(T.J. moves in closer and peeks into the cafeteria window. He sees some scientists using a laser to levitate a safe)
"Hmm, so that's their plan. Robbing banks with a laser. These are some clever bastards." Ryoma said.
Sean: (Narrating) So, T.J. runs home to his parents and informs them on what has happened at the school and they don't believe him. So, he goes to the police and they don't believe him as well.
Cop #2 (Voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson): Okay, kid, we got it all in the report. We'll take care of those mad scientists.
Cop #1 (Voiced by Nick Tuturro): (Chuckles) Yeah, no one's gonna levitate any safe on my watch.
(The two cops start laughing as T.J. gives them a look)
Cop #2: Ooh, look, Artie, somebody's levitating my doughnut with a laser beam! (Holds up a doughnut and flashes his flashlight at it)
(They continue to laugh at T.J.)
Cop #2: (Laughs) Go home, kid! Go home!
"Right, I don't know who's worse. Either it's the Rosewood Police from Pretty Little Liars or these guys." Sean said.
"I think the award for Worst Cops belong to these guys" Ryoma said.
"Were you two just talking about Pretty Little Liars?" Fiona asked.
"Uh, no. We were not talking about Pretty Little Liars. We were just doing a comparison." Sean said.
"That's right. Just doing a comparison." Ryoma said.
"Oh, really. This guy right here is a hardcore Pretty Little Liars fan." Taylor said as she points to Sean.
"Shut up." Sean said.
"You like Pretty Little Liars?" Fiona asked.
"Dude." Ryoma said.
"Not one word." Sean said.
"He has all seven seasons of it on DVD." Taylor said.
"Taylor!" Sean exclaimed.
"What? It's true! He's getting back into working on PLL fanfics about Emision, Haleb, Spoby. Hell, he'll do Spemily, Spanna, Sparia, Hannily, Hannaria, Hannison, you name it." Taylor said.
"Oy." Sean said as he covers his face with a pillow in shame.
Ryoma: (Narrating) And the mother of all coincidences arrive when T.J. spots Principal Prickly leaving the Golf Emporium and he follows him to the West Side Golf Club to tell him what's going down at the school, right after he interrupts his golf game.
T.J.: Sir, something really weird's going on in the school. I was looking in the window and I saw these mad scientists and…
Principal Prickly: Yeah, yeah, very funny, Detweiler. I'm not falling for another one of your so-called jokes. How dumb do you think I am?
"Well, depending on how many time that this kid has pranked you, that makes you THE MOST RETARTED PRINCIPAL ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH!" Ryoma said in a deep, booming voice.
Sean: (Narrating) But eventually, Principal Prickly goes up to the school with T.J. and when they arrive at the school, Prickly tells T.J. that everything looks fine, but T.J. tells him to get inside the school and this happens.
Principal Prickly: (Takes out his keys) Oh, the things I do for you kids. Sometimes I think you were put on this earth just to-
(Prickly puts the key in the keyhole, he gets shocked and screams. T.J. screams as well)
"Jesus Christ!" Sean yelled out.
"Holy shit!" Ryoma yelled out in shock after he spits out his lemonade.
(Prickly ends up getting dematerialized as T.J. runs up to the door. He screams and runs away as the camera pans down to Prickly's golf shoes)
(A clip from Troll 2 is shown)
Arnold (Played by Darren Ewing): OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
(A clip from Pushing Daisies is shown)
Emerson Cod (Played by Chi McBride): Oh, HELL no!
(A clip from Dead Poets Society is shown)
Thomas Perry (Played by Kurtwood Smith): NOOOOOOOOOOO!
(A clip from The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings is shown)
Frodo Baggins (Played by Elijah Wood): NOOOOOOOOOO!
(A clip from Back to the Future Part II is shown)
Marty McFly (Played by Michael J. Fox): No! Oh, please God! No!
Ryoma: (Narrating) After that dark Disney death that we just saw, T.J. rushes home to report what just happened on his tape recorder. And since the cops and his parents won't listen to him, he has no choice but to get his friends together, so he enlists the help of his older sister Becky, voiced by Melissa Joan Hart.
T.J.: (Barges into Becky's room) Becky, you gotta help me!
(T.J. grabs Becky's phone and hangs it up)
Becky (Voiced by Melissa Joan Hart): Hey!
T.J.: I need a ride up to Chesterville, pronto!
Becky: Are you kidding? I'm not doing anything for you, you little dork.
(T.J. pulls out Becky's diary and starts reading it)
T.J.: (Clears his throat) "Oh, how I dream of the mustache fuzz on Jimmy's sweaty lips, glistening as he cooks in the light of a dozen hamburger heat lamps."
Becky: Hey, that's my diary! Give me that!
T.J.: Ah-ah-ah. I've got copies. Now either you give me a ride, or this baby hits the Internet.
"Ah, blackmailing your sister with copies of her diary and posting it on the Internet so the whole world could read her weird and perverted tales of mustache fuzz and sweaty lips glistening. Boy, that's weird." Sean said.
"Hey, I swiped Fiona's diary. I can read a page from it." Ryoma said as he begins to read a page out of Fiona's diary. "Oh, how I longed to put my lips on Taylor's soft, full lips, feeling her body pressed against mine's."
"What the heck?!" Sean said as his eyes widened in surprise. "Did your girlfriend fantasized about getting it on with my girlfriend?"
"Me and her are in an open relationship." Ryoma said.
"Dude, don't tell me that you're in the entanglement business like Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith." Sean said.
"Oh, hell no. If I want to see Fiona making out with another girl, then it's fine with me." Ryoma said.
Sean: (Narrating) Becky drives T.J. all the way to Chesterville and they stop at the baseball camp to pick up Vince but before T.J. tells him about what's going on.
T.J.: You gotta come back to town. It's an emergency.
Vince: What? I can't just leave.
T.J.: Look, something weird is going on at school. Principal Prickly got dematerialized.
Vince: Dematerialized? T.J., you're crazy.
T.J.: (Holds up Principal Prickly's golf shoes, which are still smoking) Am I?
"Uh, if those shoes are still burning after that long of a drive, I would throw them the fuck out." Sean said.
Ryoma: (Narrating) Meanwhile at space camp, Gretchen notices something weird is going on as well when she points out that the moon has changed orbit, but is shoved off until T.J. and Vince arrive.
Sean: (Narrating) T.J. eventually gets the whole gang together and they head down to the school for T.J. to show his friends and when they steal one of the crates from the truck, T.J. opens it up, only to find a bunch of paper, which leads to them telling T.J. that they ruined their summer all because of his crazy paranoia.
T.J.: No, wait! You guys gotta believe me! I'm not making it up! I- I- Aye-yi-yi, yi-yi.
(T.J.'s friends turn around and gasp as they see a two-story starlight laser emerges from the school)
Gus (Voiced by Courtland Mead): Whoa! What's happening?
(The "Ima Firin Mah Lazer" meme plays)
Man: Ima firin mah lazer!
(The laser fires up in the sky before cutting off and going back into the school)
Vince: Okay, that right there? That was messed up.
(Right before Mikey faints as the words "To Be Continued" pops up on the screen while the song "Roundabout" by Yes plays)
We cut back to Sean and Ryoma both cracking up from the two memes that were playing.
"Sorry, we couldn't resist. We just had to get those into the review." Ryoma said.
Ryoma: (Narrating) T.J.'s friends believe him about something weird going on in the school and since the police won't listen or any adult in this movie, they have to do it themselves and T.J. comes up with the perfect plan.
T.J.: A stakeout.
Vince: A stakeout?
(The trailer for the 1987 movie Stakeout is shown)
Announcer: Stakeout. Who says a little danger can't be a lot of fun?
T.J.: We can stay up in my treehouse and watch the school every night until something happens.
Spinelli: Like one of them TV cop shows.
T.J.: Sure. And the next time those laser guys make a move, we'll catch 'em red-handed.
Gretchen (Voiced by Ashley Johnson): We can take pictures with my night vision digital cam.
Gus: Then we call in the feds and, bang, we got 'em.
"Now, you're about to embark on a potentially dangerous mission. There could be physical violence, there could be gunplay and there is the slightest chance that somebody might even get killed. So, if anybody wants out, now it's the time to say it.
(A clip from The Great Muppet Caper is shown)
Floyd: I'm out.
Rowlf: Me too.
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Ditto.
Beaker: Meep meep.
"Not you guys, I'm talking to the kids who are embarking on a dangerous mission involving the government guys." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So they're going to be campers by day and spies at night. So in the daytime, T.J. will have Becky drop the kids off at their camps and at night, T.J. will have Becky pick them up again. With T.J.'s clever planning, they enlist the help of their fellow campers to help them out.
Ryoma: (Narrating) During the stakeout, we see the gang spending a fun and heartwarming night together and reflecting on fun memories.
Spinelli: Hey, remember that summer after second grade when we went down to the pond every day to catch minnows?
Gretchen: Or how about that summer we all carved our initials in that big tree in the Wilsons' backyard?
Vince: (Laughs) And Spinelli spelled hers wrong.
Spinelli: Hey, I was seven. And S's are tricky.
(Gus starts crying)
Spinelli: (To Gus) What's your problem?
"He's crying because you guys are moving onto the fifth grade and it will serve as the series finale. That's why." Ryoma said, referencing Recess: Taking the Fifth Grade.
Mikey: Know what I'll never forget? That song T.J.'s sister taught us the first summer after kindergarten.
T.J.: Oh, yeah. Back when she was nice.
Spinelli: How'd it go again?
(Mikey inhales deeply and starts singing)
Mikey: (Sings. His singing voice is performed by Robert Goulet) John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt…
T.J.: (Sings) His name is my name too.
All: (Sings) Whenever I go out, the people always shout there goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na!
"Everybody!" Sean cheered.
Sean and Ryoma: (Sings) John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt…
Taylor and Fiona: (Sings) His name is my name too…
(We cut to Up All Knight with Chad Knight)
Chad Knight: (Sings) Whenever I go out…
(We cut to The Unusual Suspect)
The Unusual Suspect: (Sings) The people always shout…
(We cut to different critics like the Nostalgia Critic, Decker Shado, Linkara, Bennett The Sage, the Cinema Snob and Sean Moore from Cinematic Excrement singing before cutting to Sean, Ryoma, Taylor and Fiona singing)
All: (Sings) There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na!
(We cut back to the movie)
All: (Whispering) John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. His name is my name too. Whenever I go out the people always shout there goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt…
(The song fades as the camera pans over towards the school as we see a green light flashing from the inside)
Sean, Ryoma, Taylor and Fiona stop singing.
"Oh, right. The plot. Sorry about that folks, we were just getting into the moment." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We cut to the school as we see the man with the cane from earlier entering Principal Prickly's office and he reveals a little something about this office.
Man With the Cane: Because, my academically challenged young friend, it used to be mine.
"Oh, my God." Sean said with a surprised look on his face.
"Are you trying to tell us that this guy used to be the principal of this school before Principal Prickly? Okay, I've got to know more. We need to know more, dammit." Ryoma said.
Ryoma: (Narrating) The next day, T.J. investigates the school alone while his friends are at camp and as he hears voices coming, he jumps into the dumpster only to find Principal Prickly's golf pants. God, let's hope that the only thing he finds in there. And not only that, he sees Principal Prickly talking to two Secret Service-looking foot soldiers, which means there's something up with the Principal.
Guard #2 (Voiced by Diedrich Bader): But wasn't Mrs. Prickly suspicious?
Bald Guy: (Takes off the mask) You kiddin'? It was like taking candy from a baby.
(They laugh)
"Holy cow! The Ugly Bald Man was masquerading as Principal Prickly the whole time." Sean said. "And it's weird that the dude was boinking Principal Prickly's wife in the bedroom."
"Oh, god. I do not want to think about that. Let's move on." Ryoma said.
Sean: (Narrating) T.J. shows his friends Prickly's golf pants that he found and Gretchen finds a note in Prickly's pants, meaning that Principal Prickly is still alive and is being held captive in the school. And now it's up to our heroes to break into the school and rescue Principal Prickly. That is until Randall overhears them and being the snitchiest little bastard that he is, he tells it to Ms. Finster.
Ms. Finster: (Sighs) It's 9:00 at night, Randall. What do you want?
Randall: It's about T.J. Detweiler.
Ms. Finster: Randall, I'm off duty until Labor Day. He's someone else's problem now.
Randall: But Ms. Finster, he's got all his friends together and they're planning to break into the school!
Ms. Finster: A break-in, eh? Not if Muriel P. Finster has anything to say about it.
"God, I hate this guy." Ryoma said, rolling his eyes in disgust.
"Yeah. Hey, Randall. This is what happens when you snitch." Sean said.
(A clip from The Untouchables is shown, with Randall's head pasted onto the character George before we see Frank Nitti shooting Randall in the head)
"Yeah, it won't be pretty for you." Sean said.
Ryoma: (Narrating) So, T.J. and the gang break into the school and make it inside the school but with Ms. Finster and Randall following them, they fail at infiltrating a building.
(The rope snaps as Ms. Finster screams, falling and landing on Randall)
Randall: (Muffled) Ms. Finster, could you please get off of me?
(We see the word "Fail" appear on the screen)
Announcer: Fail!
Sean: (Narrating) T.J. and his friends sneak through the school and they go through the air vents and they see the laser device from earlier and we see the reveal of the villain, which is Dr. Benedict, voiced by….
Dr. Benedict (Voiced by James Woods): We have a thing called a window of opportunity. If we miss the window of opportunity, then the project fails. And if the project fails, then I get very, very… angry!
(A clip from Family Guy is shown)
Lois Griffin (Voiced by Alex Borstein): James Woods?
Brian Griffin (Voiced by Seth MacFarlane): James Woods?
Peter Griffin and Tom Tucker (Voiced by Seth MacFarlane): (Gasps) James Woods?!
We cut to Sean and Ryoma, who are both doing a spit take.
"James Woods?!" Sean and Ryoma both said at the same time.
Ryoma: (Narrating) Yes, that is James Wood playing the voice of Dr. Phillium Benedict and I have to say that I'm sorry, he's not funny in this. I mean, this is a funny voice actor. He was the funniest part of Hercules and yet you couldn't make him funny in this one and you make him this over-the-top villain? Make him funny, dammit.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, we see the laser from earlier taking aim at the moon, firing at it and try to move the moon, but their test fails and Dr. Benedict isn't too happy with the scientist, voiced by Tony Jay.
Dr. Benedict: Rosenthal, let me ask you something. Say you were a teacher or even better, say, the principal of a school. And you had to deal with a delinquent student, a naughty child who didn't know his place, who kept telling you over and over that he'd do better "next time.". But he never did. What would you do?
Dr. Rosenthal (Voiced by Tony Jay): Oh, no. N-not detention. Not detention!
Dr. Benedict: Take him away!
Dr. Rosenthal: No, please! I can fix it!
Sean: (V/O as Dr. Rosenthal) Or better yet I'll sing "Hellfire"! Don't do this to meeeeee!
Ryoma: (Narrating) Anyway, our heroes try to make their escape but Mikey is getting that feeling and this happens.
(Mikey lets out a loud, echoing burp for everyone in the building to hear.
Fenwick: What was that?
Dr. Benedict: Someone had better say "excuse me".
"Oh, sorry. That was me. That can of lemonade really got to me." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Benedict sics his guards on T.J. and his friends and they make a run for it all over the school in a crazy chase scene that involves foot soldiers chasing them, the Ugly Bald Guy and…
(A group of ninjas appear in front of the exit, blocking them off)
Gus: Ninjas!
(T.J. and the gang make a run for it)
Gus: Ninjas! Why'd they have to be ninjas?
"What is this? Every 80s and 90s movie ever made that involves ninjas in the scene? This is 2001, not every movie has to involve ninjas… and they don't do anything funny! They're just your run-of-the-mill ninjas." Ryoma said.
Ryoma: (Narrating) The gang make it out of the school, except for T.J. when he gets captured and they lock him in the storage closet with a tied up Principal Prickly in his golf boxer.
"I'm sorry, I can't take this seriously." Ryoma said as he starts cracking up.
"I see London, I see France, I see Prickly's underpants!" Sean laughed.
Sean: (Narrating) While T.J. is trying to untie Prickly, Dr. Benedict enters the storage closet and it seems like Prickly has a little history with Benedict. Turns out back in the spring of '68, when Prickly was in groovy phase and Ms. Finster was, how do I say this, hot. But that voice won't do. Prickly and Benedict used to be best friends and Benedict has just been named principal of 3rd Street School and Benedict decided to get rid of recess as a way to improve test grades, which shocks Prickly and he goes against Benedict by going to the superintendent so he can convince Benedict to change his mind.
Ryoma: (Narrating) But instead, the superintendent fires Benedict and makes Prickly the new principal of 3rd Street School. And to make things worse, Benedict's girlfriend Ms. Finster breaks up with him. And Benedict swore revenge on Prickly. This doesn't sit well with T.J. because he loves his recess.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, the gang look through the crate of papers to find out what Dr. Benedict is doing. And Spinelli comes across Benedict's date book and finds some pretty useful information in which Gretchen explains.
Gretchen: Lunae Perigeum. Of course!
Vince: What are you talking about, Gretchen?
Gretchen: Don't you understand? Lunae Perigeum is no lady. It's an event. Look. Once a month, the moon reaches the point where it's closest to the Earth, Lunar Perigee, which in this case happens to be 12:22 tomorrow afternoon.
Gus: Hey, maybe that's when that doctor guy is gonna shoot his laser at the moon and blow it up.
"Yeah, but we did see him trying to move the moon with the laser. So, it's probably something else." Ryoma said.
Ryoma: (Narrating) After a few technobabble from Gretchen, she explains that Dr. Benedict's device is not a laser beam at all and that it's a tractor beam. Back with T.J. and Prickly, they go through the vents and into Prickly's office so T.J. could grab his walkie-talkie to communicate with his friends until he notices something unsettling.
T.J.: Look, I don't have time to explain, but I think we've figured out what Benedict is up to. He's trying to get rid of summer vacation.
(We see graffiti all over the wall and the door, which reads "No Summer Vacation")
Mikey: Nooooooooooo!
(A clip from the 1994 Spider-Man animated series is shown)
Spider-Man (Voiced by Christopher Daniel Barnes): Nooooo!
(A clip from SpongeBob SquarePants is shown)
SpongeBob (Voiced by Tom Kenny): Noooooooooo!
(A clip from The Loud House is shown)
Lincoln Loud (Voiced by Grant Palmer): Nooooooooooooooooo!
(A clip from the Nostalgia Critic is shown)
Nostalgia Critic: NOOOOOOOOOOO, NO! NO! NO! Uh… NO! NO! NO!
"Alright, enough with the "Noooo's."." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But T.J. and Prickly get caught again and now it's time for the gang to get help. So who do they go to first? They go to Becky for help, who's at work.
Spinelli: We got a problem.
Becky: Yeah, well I got a problem too, it's called six dweeby ten-year olds who won't leave me alone, even when I'm at work. I am a professional! So whatever your little problem is, forget it!
Gretchen: But it's about T.J.
Gus: He's in trouble, and he needs your help.
Becky: Well, isn't that nice? After stealing my diary, threatening to put it on the Internet and making me drive across the state three times, he needs my help? Give me one good reason why I should help him. Just one!
"Uh, because he's your little brother and he needs you." Ryoma said.
Mikey: 'Cause he's your little brother and he needs you.
"I just said that." Ryoma said.
Ryoma: (Narrating) Back with T.J. and Prickly, Dr. Benedict is busy talking to them and he's still livid about how he humiliated him and how he destroyed his relationship with Ms. Finster. Ew! And he reveals his most diabolical plot ever.
Dr. Benedict: This time, I'm gonna prove to the world that you were wrong and I was right.
Principal Prickly: About what?
Dr. Benedict: About recess! About freedom! About test scores! I've found a way to prove my theory. I'm gonna get rid of the biggest recess of them all. I am gonna get rid of summer vacation.
"Huh?" Sean asked with a confused look on his face.
"What?" Ryoma asked as well.
"Question: how?" Sean asked.
Dr. Benedict: You see, all I have to do is modify the moon's orbit ever so slightly, and tide levels on the eastern seaboard rise eight feet. Move the moon over here, and the currents that warm California suddenly become ice-cold. Summer, as we know it will become a thing of the past. And without summer, (Presses a button on his remote, revealing that the Earth will go through another ice age)
(T.J. and Prickly both gasp in shock)
Dr. Benedict: No summer vacation.
Sean and Ryoma both looked at the camera silent before Sean says something.
"I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to play this clip from The Horror Show that would best describe this scene." Sean said.
(A clip from The Horror Show is shown)
Detective Lucas McCarthy (Played by Lance Henrickson): That's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard. (Laughs)
"So Benedict has planned to end summer vacation is the mass extinction of the human race by a new ice age by blocking the sun and freezing the Earth. Why not summer school? It's a humane way to study, you stupid idiot!" Ryoma yelled out.
"Man, the Phantasm, Scar, Xanatos and Sykes have better plans than this guy." Sean said. "And let's not forget about The Joker, too. He has better plans than you!"
"Can somebody give Dr. Benedict an award for Worst Villain Plan, please?" Ryoma said.
"Thank you, Chris. I was going to say that he deserve it." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) After we hear Benedick's stupidest plan to end summer vacation, we see the gang gather reinforcements and once they're gathered up, they come up with a plan to take back the school.
Ryoma: (Narrating) Back with T.J. and Prickly, they're locked up in a cage so they won't interfere with Benedict's plan and T.J. starts freaking out.
T.J.: We're locked in a giant birdcage while a madman's trying to destroy summer vacation, and you want me to calm down?!
Principal Prickly: I understand, but I…
T.J.: How can you understand? You're just a grown-up. What do you know about summer vacation?
Principal Prickly: (Stands up) I'll let you in on a little secret, Detweiler. Every adult you've ever known was a kid at some time in his life. You think we don't remember summer vacation? Riding bikes down by the creek? Catching polliwogs in a jar? Camping out under the stars? Well, you're wrong. Some days I sit in my office, looking out at you kids on the playground and I think, "They don't know how good they've got it. In a few years, they're all going to be grownups, like me, and all those good times will just be memories for them too.". So go ahead, put a whoopie cushion in my chair, cover my carpet with fake vomit, make fun of my big, saggy butt. But don't you ever say I don't care about summer vacation, 'cause those memories are the last part of childhood I've got left.
"Wow." Ryoma said, trying to hold back his tears.
"And the award for Best Passionate Speech goes to…." Sean said as he opens the envelope. "Principal Pete Prickly! Give a round of applause!"
(The audience applauds as a picture of Principal Prickly is shown)
Sean: (Narrating) T.J. and Prickly escape after Prickly swiped the keys off of Benedict's desk when he wasn't looking and they manage to knock out two of the guards and stealing their outfits. Meanwhile, we see the gang starting their plan to take back the school. The first part of the plan involves Mikey singing to get the guards' attention.
Mikey: (Singing) Nessun dorma.
Guards: Huh?
(They notice Mikey singing)
Mikey: (Singing) Nessun dorma.
Guard: Is that a kid? Hey, kid, get out of here!
(Mikey continues to sing)
Guard: Aah. Anderson, get rid of that kid, will ya?
(The guard named Anderson, runs out to get rid of Mikey. As he heads behind the bushes, we hear Anderson screaming)
Guard: Smithson, Underhill.
Smithson: Sir.
(Smithson and Underhill run out there as well and as they head behind the bushes, they start screaming as well)
Guard: Hanklin, Morrissey, Goodman, get over here!
(The rest of the guards head outside while we see Gus, Spinelli, Vince, Gretchen, the Ashleys and a nerdy kid sneaking into the school while the guards are being distracted)
"Okay, I do not want to know what's happening to the guards, but I bet it sounds painful. Are they sure that they got enough guards left?" Ryoma asked.
Guard: Anderson, Morrissey, Underhill? Where is everybody? Aah, if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself.
"No, Mr. Security Guard! Don't go out there. You're the only surviving black guy in this movie. You're gonna get yourself killed!" Sean exclaimed.
(The guard goes behind the bushes and falls. It is revealed that the guards fell into a deep hole, courtesy of Digger Sam and Digger Dave)
Digger Dave (Voiced by Ryan O'Donohue): Boy, these space-age power shovels sure do a great job.
"Oh, thank god they're alive. But how are they going to get out of there?" Sean asked.
Ryoma: (Narrating) So the kids manage to take out the guards with kid stuff and they reunite with T.J. and Principal Prickly after they manage to take out the Ugly Bald Guy with corn chowder and they head into the auditorium to stop Dr. Benedict from firing the laser.
Gretchen: Don't do it, Dr. Benedict!
Dr. Benedict: (Chuckles) Don't do it? You think after all this planning, all this work, you can get me to stop just by saying, "don't do it"?
"You know, he does make a good point. Hell, this movie just proves to us that cliche is dumb." Ryoma said.
Mikey: (Raises his hand) What if we add "please"?
Dr. Benedict: (Sighs) You kids just don't get it, do you? Well, let me explain this in a way your little uneducated brains will understand. The American public think test scores are too low. But if a person, say me, could make test scores go up, why, everybody'd feel better. They might even elect that person… President of the United States.
"You're too late for that one, Benedict. They already elected that person for President and he's turning this world into crap." Sean said as a photo of President Donald Trump is shown.
Sean: (Narrating) But before Dr. Benedict starts his plan to end summer vacation, Ms. Finster crashes the party and brings in the teachers to help them out and a fight scene ensues.
(A fierce battle breaks out as the students and teachers take on Benedicts guards. This scene is played while the glass room fight scene from John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum is shown, followed by the church massacre fight scene from Kingsman: The Secret Service is shown. We cut back to the movie as we see Ms. Groetke knocking out two of the guards. The fight scene continues as we see the final battle fight scene from Avengers: Endgame, followed by the Lee vs. Han fight scene from Enter the Dragon, the alley fight scene from Batman '89 and final fight scene between John Hatcher and Screwface from Marked for Death are shown before cutting back to the movie)
Bald Guy: (Points to T.J.) You!
(T.J. sees the Ugly Bald Guy and drops his water balloon as he starts walking towards him)
Ms. Finster: Stop right there, Kojak. It's go time.
(Ms. Finster punches the Ugly Bald Guy in the face repeatedly and finishes him off with a knockout. We then see the words "MS. FINSTER WINS Flawless Victory" on the screen)
Ryoma: (V/O as Mortal Kombat Announcer) Ms. Finster wins. Flawless Victory.
Ryoma: (Narrating) After that chaotic fight scene in a kid's movie, Dr. Benedict has had enough as he gets ready to move the moon with the tractor beam, but Prickly manages to knock him out with one punch and because of him knocking out Benedict, it causes him the move the lever down to fire the tractor beam. And with the lever jammed, they're screwed. But T.J. has a plan.
T.J.: (Pulls out his baseball) Vince!
(T.J. tosses the baseball over to Vince)
T.J.: The photon channeler and forget what they told you. Aim it. Don't throw it.
(Vince sees the photon channeler)
(A sound clip from Star Wars: A New Hope starts playing)
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Use the force, Luke.
(Vince manages to throw the baseball at the photon channeler)
Sean: (Narrating) The machine is destroyed and Benedict's plan to end summer vacation is ruined and him and his men are arrested. The students and teachers are praised as heroes, T.J.'s sister get her diary back and his friends are going to spend the rest of summer vacation with him. And T.J. thanks Principal Prickly for all of his help but Prickly thanks T.J. for dragging him into this mess and he did it to help the kids.
"Hey, at least this is going to be a start of a beautiful friendship right there." Sean said.
Principal Prickly: But don't forget! Come September, you're mine. I haven't forgotten that "saggy butt" comment.
T.J.: Hey, September is a long way off.
Ryoma: (Narrating) And the movie ends with T.J. spending the summer with his friends and some crappy CGI animation. And we get our end credits sequence with Robert Goulet as Mikey's singing voice singing the song "Green Tambourine" and boy, seeing this end sequence, makes me feel like I'm smoking something.
"And that was Recess: School's Out, and it's an okay film. It's not as good, but it's still an okay film." Sean said.
(Clips from the movie are shown again)
Sean: (Narrating) Now, if this movie was what ended the show, I would've been happy if it went out on a high note, but hey at least we got Recess: Taking the Fifth Grade, which served as the series finale for the show and that was good.
Ryoma: (Narrating) As for the movie, it's harmless, it's fun for kids, the characters are memorable, everyone gets the right amount of screentime, perfectly paced and they played it safe. My only complaint is the villain's motivation. But hey, what do you expect in a kid's movie where kids take on adults.
Sean: (Narrating) The voice acting is good but my only problem is James Woods', he's not funny. I was expecting funny from the guy who voiced Hades in Hercules, and yet he's trying his hardest to be funny. Anyway, Recess: School's Out is a fun little movie to watch and if you have a nostalgic connection to the show and the movie, then check it out. Recess: School's Out comes in at three kids flinging ice cream out of five.
"Well, that's all for today's review. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic…" Sean said.
"And I'm Ryoma the Craze Critic, and I'm going to get Fiona to make out with Taylor." Ryoma said as he leaves the room.
"Oh, this I gotta see." Sean said as he gets up from off of the couch. "See you guys next time when I finish The Summer of Disney."
Mayhem Critic Tagline- "Oh, how I dream of the mustache fuzz on Jimmy's sweaty lips, glistening as he cooks in the light of a dozen hamburger heat lamps."
And that's all for the review of Recess: School's Out for The Mayhem Critic. Special thanks to Dragonshadow97 for creating his OC for the review. I hope that you all enjoyed the review. Next time on The Mayhem Critic, Sean finishes off The Summer of Disney by reviewing the final entry in the Star Wars film series Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker and joining Sean for the review is his friend Brian and Chad Knight from Up All Knight. Don't forget to review this story, add it to your favorites and follow it for future updates. Also, The Mayhem Critic's 100th episode is coming up and I picked out a couple of movies for the review. Which movie should I review for the 100th episode? Here are the movies:
Highlander II: The Quickening
Billy Madison
John Carpenter's Escape From New York or John Carpenter's Escape from L.A.
A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge
Godzilla (The 1998 version)
So, which movie do you want to see me review for the 100th episode? Let me know in the comments. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.