The Mayhem Critic
Aloha, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker and I am bringing you another hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Today, Sean continues Animation March Madness when he takes a look at the next film for today, the 2020 animated feature Mortal Kombat Legends: Scorpion's Revenge. Is this the best adaptation of Mortal Kombat or does it deserve a fatality like Mortal Kombat: Annihilation? So sit back, relax and grab a cold one, also make sure you grab a poncho because it's about to get bloody. This is the new chapter of The Mayhem Critic.
P.S.: I do not own anything in this story. All rights belong to their respective sources. Mortal Kombat Legends: Scorpion's Revenge is owned by Warner Bros. Animation.
Animation March Madness Part II
Mortal Kombat Legends: Scorpion's Revenge
We open with our favorite movie critic Sean J. Archer, a.k.a. the Mayhem Critic, sitting on the couch in his living room once more. This time, he is dressed as Johnny Cage from the 1995 film adaptation of Mortal Kombat as he takes off his sunglasses and starts his introduction.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one. And welcome back to Animation March Madness." Sean said.
(The intro to Animation March Madness plays)
"Okay, so I am really hyped for the Mortal Kombat reboot that coming out next month." Sean said.
(Footage from the Mortal Kombat trailer is shown)
Sean: (Narrating) Hell, yeah. You all know me as a huge fan of Mortal Kombat and ever since the trailer was released, I was excited to see this movie, well, not in the theater but on HBO Max. And we get to see this movie in all of it's bloody glory. Yeah, no more PG-13 rating for this movie, we're getting a good 'ol fashioned R-rating for this movie. Hopefully, this movie will be better than that one movie that Lucas and I reviewed…
(The poster for Mortal Kombat: Annihilation is shown)
"Yeah, that movie already destroyed my expectations. Hopefully, the reboot doesn't. So why am I talking about Mortal Kombat and why am I dressed up as Linden Ashby's Johnny Cage? Because I'm about to review Mortal Kombat Legends: Scorpion's Revenge, bitches!" Sean exclaimed.
(The title screen for Mortal Kombat Legends: Scorpion's Revenge is shown, followed by clips from the movie)
Sean: (Narrating) Released in 2020, a disastrous year involving a deadly pandemic, Mortal Kombat Legends: Scorpion's Revenge is a direct-to-video movie. The film focuses on Scorpion, who seeks revenge on those who murdered his clan and his family after being resurrected by Quan Chi. While all that's going on, you have the events of Mortal Kombat going on with Liu Kang, Sonya Blade and Johnny Cage being chosen to participate in the tournament for the fate of Earthrealm. Back in 2019, there were reports of a new animated Mortal Kombat film that would serve as a tie-in to the live action reboot until a year later the animated film was officially announced and it would feature Patrick Seitz returning to voice Scorpion after not returning to the role in Mortal Kombat 11, where he was replaced by Ron Yuan. You also have Steve Blum as the voice of Sub-Zero and Grey Griffin as the voice of Kitana after she previously turned down the role in Mortal Kombat X due to her pregnancy at the time. Hell, we also get Kevin Michael Richardson from the original Mortal Kombat movie returning to voice Goro. How awesome is that?
"And this movie is pretty bloody too." Sean said.
(More clips from the movie are shown)
Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, expect a lot of gruesome deaths and some X-Rays as well and you could tell that they deserved that R-rating. There's going to be a lot of strong bloody violence in this movie.
"Let's prepare for kombat, this is Mortal Kombat Legends: Scorpion's Revenge." Sean said.
(The movie opens with the WB Animation logo as we see Daffy Duck pop out from behind the WB shield and starts acting like a complete loon)
Sean: (Narrating) So the movie opens with the WB Animation logo and Daffy Duck acting like a complete loon.
"Well, that's one way to start an R-rated animated Mortal Kombat movie, have Daffy Duck act like a complete moron." Sean said.
(Daffy runs into the screen and ends up in a dazed state until the WB shield opens up, revealing Scorpion, as he grabs Daffy by his throat)
Scorpion (Voiced by Patrick Seitz): Get over here!
(Scorpion pulls Daffy in as the WB shield closes behind them)
"Oh, you do not want to imagine what Scorpion is going to do to Daffy after he pulls him into the Netherrealm. Telling you right now that it's not going to be a pretty sight." Sean said.
(We transition to an army of ants attacking a scorpion, who's defending itself)
Sean: (Narrating) We open with an army of ants attacking a scorpion and we a little named Satoshi, voiced by Grey Griffin, watching the defenseless scorpion getting crowed by them, until his father Hanzo, voiced by Patrick Seitz, shows up.
Hanzo Hasashi: Look. What do you see?
Satoshi Hasashi (Voiced by Grey Griffin): Papa. The scorpion! It needs help.
"Kid, those ants are getting revenge on the scorpion that killed Antie in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids." Sean said as a clip from the movie featuring the scorpion fatally stinging Antie.
Hanzo Hasashi: Life is cruel, Satoshi. It doesn't care where you are from, what god you pray to. It is. So, you must face it head-on. See the scorpion? No matter how many enemies, it continues on. It is strong. Yes. It is fast. But do you know why the scorpion is feared.
(Satoshi shakes his head "no")
Hanzo Hasashi: (Looks at the scorpion) It's will.
(The scorpion uses it's tail to whip the ants)
Hanzo Hasashi: Willpower is what makes your destiny your own. Learn to be strong, here and here. (Points to Satoshi's head and heart) Promise me you'll remember that.
Satoshi Hasashi: I will, Papa.
"Awww, don't you just love this little moment between Hanzo and his son Satoshi? That's a good little moment between father and son. But then you realize that something bad is going to happen and that little kid is gonna end up dead." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) They return home to the Shirai Ryu village and they get ambushed by warriors of the Lin Kuei and he counters the ambush by taking them out.
(Hanzo stabs the Lin Kuei warrior in the face, causing his eyeball to pop out and we see the X-Ray image of the knife in the man's face)
"Oh, yeah. We get a taste of the movie's brutal violence. And nice touch on the X-Ray, too." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Hanzo finds that they have slaughtered the entire Shirai Ryu, including his wife Harumi, and he ends up murdering the fuck out of the Lin Kuei in rage and yes, the violence in this scene goes over the top and man, do I enjoy it. He then comes across the leader of the Lin Kuei Sub-Zero, voiced by Steve Blum, who holds Satoshi hostage and threatens to kill him if he doesn't surrender.
Sub-Zero (Voiced by Steve Blum): Come further and he dies.
(Sub-Zero freezes Satoshi's neck)
Hanzo Hasashi: What do you want?
Sub-Zero: On your knees.
"Whoa! Slow down, Bi-Han. At least buy him dinner first before you do all that." Sean said.
(Hanzo gets down on his knees, but is incapacitated by Sub-Zero. Then, Sub-Zero squeezes Satoshi's throat)
Hanzo Hasashi: If you touch a hair on his head…
Satoshi Hasashi: Papa!
(Sub-Zero kills Satoshi by impaling him through the throat)
Satoshi Hasashi: (Gasps) Papa…
Hanzo Hasashi: Satoshi! Satoshi!
"Damn! He just killed Hanzo's son. Now, that's ice cold." Sean said as a comedic drum riff plays in the background.
Hanzo Hasashi: You'll die for this.
Sub-Zero: You first.
Sean: (Narrating) Sub-Zero kills Hanzo by firing an icicle through Hanzo's mouth, impaling him through the back of his neck and treated to another X-Ray and his blood oozes out of him and all over the ice and dripping on the ground until we're treated to the opening titles.
(The movie's opening title is shown)
"What? You don't have anyone yelling out " Mortal Kombat"? At least have someone yell out "Mortal Kombat"." Sean said.
(The opening title is shown once more)
Sean: (V/O) MORTAL KOMBAT!
Sean: (Narrating) We cut to the Shaolin Temple, where we see Liu Kang, voiced by Jordan Rodrigues, fighting a mysterious figure. Actually, it turns out that he's sparring with the thunder god Raiden, voiced by Dave B. Mitchell, in preparation to defend Earthrealm by participating in the tournament.
Liu Kang (Voiced by Jordan Rodrigues): Then it is time.
Raiden (Voiced by Dave B. Mitchell): Yes. Do not worry. We have prepared for this for a long time. I chose you for a reason, Liu Kang. Now, the others will be gathering. We must hurry.
Liu Kang: Lord Raiden. What others?
"The cast of iCarly and Victorious will be joining. Except for Jennette McCurdy, because she quit acting. No, but seriously, there will be others joining us." Sean said, imitating Raiden.
Sean: (Narrating) We cut to Los Angeles, where we see our favorite self-absorbed actor Johnny Cage, voiced by Joel McHale, who's dealing with some lady trouble when his girlfriend breaks up with him.
Johnny Cage (Voiced by Joel McHale): What do I have to do? Huh?
Johnny's Girlfriend: How 'bout cleaning this hell hole you call a home? How 'bout doing something besides crying about your career? (Throw Johnny's jacket at him) You only care about yourself. It's all about Johnny Cage. Call me when you grow up!
(She leaves as Johnny lifts his jacket up from off of his face)
Johnny Cage: So… I can still call her then. That's a W.
(The sad trombone sound effect plays as we cut to Sean shrugging his shoulders)
Sean: (Narrating) I just love the fact that he has a poster of the movie Ninja Mime in his beach house. I would pay good money to see that. So anyway, Johnny gets a phone call from his agent, who tells him that he should travel to China for his next job. And speaking of China, we cut to China as we see our favorite bad-ass Special Forces agent Sonya Blade, voiced by Jennifer Carpenter, engaging in a street fight with a thug.
Sonya Blade (Voiced by Jennifer Carpenter): You gonna keep crying like a bitch or fight like a man?
(The thug charges at Sonya. Sonya, run towards the thug and gives him an uppercut to the face and punches him in the stomach)
"I guess she's still upset about the series finale of Dexter." Sean said.
(The thug headbutts Sonya, knocking her down on the ground)
Thug: Yeah, yeah. That's right. This is no place for a little girl. This is no place for a little girl. This is no place for a little girl.
Sean: (Narrating) Sonya gets knocked down by the thug, which triggers a flashback to when she first joined the Special Forces. And then she ends up beating the everloving shit out of the guy.
(Sonya whacks the thug in the face with a metal pipe, knocking his teeth out)
Thug: My teeth! My teeth!
Sonya Blade: Honestly, it's an improvement.
(Sonya gets ready to kick the thug in the face)
Thug: Oh, shit!
(The screen turns black and white as it pauses on the thug)
Sean: (V/O as Announcer) It was at this very that he knew… he fucked up.
(Sonya kicks the thug in face, knocking out two more of his teeth and sending his head down on the ground)
"Man, when this movie makes you feel every impact, it definitely makes you feel every impact! Hell, I tend to cover my mouth every time when I watch this scene because that looked painful. In the words of Gabriel Cash from Tango & Cash, he's Fucked-Up Beyond All Recognition.. F.U.B.A.R. for short." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Sonya gets an invitation for the tournament and you all probably know why. Because she's tracking down a certain brutal Australian with a metal plate on the side of his face and a glowing red eye. I think you all know who I'm talking about. We then cut to Hanzo, who wakes up to find himself not in Kansas anymore.
Hanzo Hasashi: What is this? Where am I? (Sees that his arm is chained up. He tries to free himself, but ends up screaming in pain)
(The demon torturer starts laughing)
Demon Torturer (Voiced by Fred Tatasciore): Don't start without me. Ah. Fresh meat. (Licks the blade of his knife)
Hanzo Hasashi: What in the hell?
Demon Torturer: Close. Netherrealm.
"Oh, shit. I'm going to be the mascot for their logo." Sean said as the image of the Netherrealm Logo is shown.
Sean: (Narrating) The demon torturer named Moloch, voiced by Fred Tatasciore, gets ready to torture Hanzo, but Hanzo manages to free himself and dispatches him.
(Hanzo takes one of Moloch's swords and slashes him in half, killing him. We see that Moloch bleeds lava)
"Hmm. I now know that Oni bleed lava." Sean said.
Creature: Human. You have made a big mistake. There are thousands of us and only one of you.
(Hanzo wraps the chain around the creature's neck, ripping it off)
Hanzo Hasashi: Minus one.
(Thousands of creatures charge at Hanzo)
Sean: (V/O as Hanzo) Let's rock.
Sean: (Narrating) We cut to the evil sorcerer Quan Chi, voiced by Darin De Paul, as we see him just simply chillin' on his throne and staring off into the distance until Hanzo arrives to speak to Shinnok.
"So, this is what Caillou is going to look like when he gets older." Sean said as a picture of Caillou and Quan Chi are shown.
Hanzo Hasashi: Shinnok!
Quan Chi (Voiced by Darin De Paul): No. Shinnok is indisposed.
Hanzo Hasashi: Then go fetch him for me.
Quan Chi: If only I could.
"But we have to wait until he appears at the end of Mortal Kombat Legends 3: The Merging of Earthrealm and Outworld." Sean said, impersonating Quan Chi.
Sean: (Narrating) Quan Chi tells Hanzo that he is in charge of the Netherrealm until Shinnok returns, then asks Hanzo what he wants. Hanzo replies that he wants to return home to get revenge.
Quan Chi: You can't return home.
(Hanzo grabs Quan Chi and pushes him against a wall)
Hanzo Hasashi: You will do as I say or I will flay you alive.
"Or you can just do the same thing that you did to the bald bastard on Mortal Kombat X." Sean said, referencing Quan Chi's death scene in the game.
Sean: (Narrating) Quan Chi isn't taking any shit from Hanzo as he tries to break every bone in his body. And he tells Hanzo that he can send him to the tournament after telling him about it because Sub-Zero will be there. He also tells him about a key to free Shinnok, which is being kept in the temple of Shang Tsung.
Quan Chi: Get me that key. Once my master is released, he can return your family, even you, back to the mortal realm. Do we understand each other, Hanzo?
Hanzo Hasashi: Hanzo is dead. Call me Scorpion.
"Motherfucker." Sean said, imitating Hanzo.
Sean: (Narrating) We cut to Johnny catching the boat just in time, as he meets up with Sonya, Liu and Raiden and immediately he makes an impression.
Liu Kang: (Shakes Johnny's hand) Liu Kang of the White Lotus Society.
Johnny Cage: Johnny Cage of the superstar variety, but you probably knew that. (Turns to Sonya) And you are?
Sonya Blade: Not interested.
Johnny Cage: Oh, you will be. They always are.
"Besides, you two are going to end up together and you're gonna marry him and create Cassie Cage." Sean said.
Johnny Cage: Lord Raiden, right? (Shakes his hand) Good to meet you. So, tell me more about this veil.
Raiden: The space between realms to prevent Outworld from merging with Earthrealm.
Sonya Blade: Prevented by what?
Raiden: Always the soldier. Evaluating risks. What guards the veil is of less consequence than why it does so. If Shao Kahn…
(A clip from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan plays)
Admiral James T. Kirk (Played by William Shatner): KHAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
"Son of a bitch! I thought Lucas and I killed that joke! Jesus, this joke will never die." Sean said.
Raiden: ...wins this tournament, Earth as you know it will cease to exist.
Johnny Cage: Not to fear, Lord Raiden. I, Johnny Cage, will make sure that Earthrealm, so dumb, will be safe from harm. You have my word on it.
Sean: (V/O as Raiden) Jesus, this guy's a fucking idiot!
Liu Kang: Lord Raiden, these are the champions you gathered?
Raiden: You doubt my choices?
Liu Kang: No. I just meant…
Raiden: You see only what is in front of you, Liu Kang. But your eyes deceive you. It is what is inside that matters. Sonya Blade, a most formidable warrior. She has had to prove herself against many who thought she was nothing more than a weak girl. Believe me, she is anything but.
Liu Kang: And him? He only seems to be concerned about himself and material wealth.
Johnny Cage: (Taps on his phone) One, one, one! Come on.
Raiden: That will keep him alive until he finds something more to care about. Something greater than himself to live for.
Johnny Cage: Are you kidding me? I paid extra for international and I can't even get a signal. Raiden, are you getting one? (Throws his phones at a far distance)
"Nice work, dumbass. Now how are you going to call your agent? You could probably get a guest starring role in the iCarly reboot." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) They arrive at the Island of Shang Tsung but it seems that someone else has arrived on the island on a sinister-looking boat. And it turns out that Hanzo, now known as Scorpion, has arrived on the island to look for the key to Shinnok. So, they enter Shang Tsung's temple, where they see some of the finest fighters attending. They even have Test Your Might just to see if you could break the anvil. Hell, let's not forget about Johnny's antics. I swear, he's the best part about this movie.
Johnny Cage: (To Nitara) Hey. Do you know if any of this stuff is organic?
(Nitara screeches at Johnny)
Johnny Cage: Just askin', jeez. (Walks away)
(The sad trombone music plays as we cut to Sean shrugging his shoulders)
Sean: (Narrating) While Scorpion is looking for the key, the aging warlock Shang Tsung, voiced by Artt Butler, hosts the attendants.
Shang Tsung (Voiced by Artt Butler): In the beginning, were the Elder Gods. In their wisdom, they created a tournament to safeguard each realm from the threat of invasion. Once a generation, the finest warriors must do battle to decide the date of their realm. The winner will be granted long life and great power. If one realm wins the tournament ten times, they will have the right to merge with the other and rule as they see fit. I, Shang Tsung, emissary of the great Shao Kahn…
(A clip from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan plays again)
Admiral James T. Kirk: KHAAAAAAAAAAN!
(Shao Kahn's fortress and Shao Kahn are shown)
Shang Tsung: ...emperor of Outworld, winner of the last nine tournaments against Earthrealm,
"And for being the cheapest son of a bitch on Mortal Kombat II and Mortal Kombat 3. Every time I try to take him out, he keeps fucking dashing into me and hitting me with his fucking hammer. I OUGHTA TAKE THAT HAMMER AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR FUCKING ASS, SHAO KAHN! YOU WILL FEEL MY WRATH!" Sean yelled out.
(Shao Kahn pops out from the right and taunts Sean)
Shao Kahn (Voiced by Steve Ritchie): It's official, you suck.
"Oh, shut up!" Sean yelled.
Sean: (Narrating) And since Shang Tsung is the host, he provides everyone with some entertainment as Sonya begins to spot Kano, voiced by Robin Atkin Downes, and her captured partner Jackson "Jax" Briggs, voiced by Ike Amadi. But then, Sonya has the bright idea to run in and save Jax, but is stopped by a shield.
Sonya Blade: Listen, you son of a bitch. You better open this… whatever it is, or I'm gonna use your ass as my own personal punching bag.
Johnny Cage: Oh, that is so hot.
"Oh, yeah. I'm definitely gonna tap that ass… if she doesn't rip off my dick." Sean said, imitating Johnny Cage.
Jax (Voiced by Ike Amadi): Princess.
Sonya Blade: Asshole. I told you to wait for me.
Jax: I got excited.
Sonya Blade: You got caught by that idiot Kano.
Jax: (Sighs) Yeah. That too. (To Shang Tsung) Unless you want me to rip that pencil-thin mustache off your face, I think it's best you let me go, old man.
"I will end up doing the Gotcha Grab move on you or I can rip off your arms and beat you with them. Your choice." Sean said, imitating Jax.
Sean: (Narrating) Shang Tsung lets Jax leave, but he has to get past his champion. The baddest four-armed motherfucker of Outworld. Goro, voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson.
Jax: What the hell?
(Goro throws his cape over to the side and the crowd starts cheering while the Goro's Crib theme from Mortal Kombat 4 plays in the background)
"Okay, Jax. You can do this! I have faith in you!" Sean exclaimed.
(Jax punches Goro in the stomach, the hit doesn't even phase him. He continues to hit him, but no luck. Goro snarls at Jax)
Sean: (V/O as Jax) Oh, fu…
(Goro punches Jax in the face, sending him flying back towards the shield)
Sean: (Narrating) While all that is going on, Scorpion manages to sneak in take out two of the guards as he makes his way into the treasures of Shang Tsung and finds the key. And right when he's about to steal it, Raiden pops up from out of nowhere like he's Batman.
Raiden: Let me guess. Quan Chi promised you life if you would do his bidding. Ah. No. Not you. Someone else. Someone you lost. Someone you care about. Do you think Quan Chi is a man to be trusted?
Scorpion: What choice do I have?
Raiden: We all have choices. (Grabs the skull head) Live in the past, or live for the future. The key won't solve your problems. It will, however, create new ones.
"Let's just say that if you end up stealing that key and giving it to Quan Chi, he'll end up releasing that crazy Shinnok. You don't want that to happen." Sean said.
Scorpion: And my revenge?
(A sound clip from Batman: Mask of the Phantasm plays)
Batman (Voiced by Kevin Conroy): (Raiden's lines are replaced with Batman's line) What will vengeance solve?
Raiden: You are a free man. It's time you start acting like it.
"Thank you, Raiden. We get it. Vengeance doesn't solve anything. Can we get back to the fight, I'm pretty sure that Jax is winning." Sean said.
(We cut back to Jax, who's getting a beatdown from Goro)
Shang Tsung: Really, Goro? You shouldn't play with your food.
(Goro snarls)
"Well, shit. Jax isn't doing good. He's getting creamed out there." Sean said.
(Goro picks up Jax and grabs arms. Jax screams in pain while Goro laughs)
Sonya Blade: Stop it! You'll kill him!
Shang Tsung: That's the idea. (Smiles) Finish him.
"Right, let me put on my poncho." Sean said as he puts on his yellow poncho. "Please, continue."
(We get an X-Ray shot of Jax's arm being ripped out from the socket before we see Goro ripping off Jax's arms)
Sonya Blade: No!
We cut back to Sean as we see blood spraying all over him.
"Oh, yeah. Told you it was bloody." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And sweet Jesus tap dancin' Christ! Poor Jax. He doesn't seem to catch a break. First, you have Ermac ripping off his arms in Mortal Kombat 9 and now you have Goro ripping off his arms. Hell, even Sub-Zero is joining the "Rip Jax's Arms Off Club" because yeah, he rips off his arms as you could see in the trailer.
Johnny Cage: (Scoffs) Fake. These special effects suck.
"Really, Johnny? This shit is real! Stop being a fucking idiot!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) But before Goro delivers a fatality on Jax, Raiden arrives to stop the fight. He was unaware that the tournament had just begun and he is able to heal Jax's wounds. So now, Mortal Kombat begins and Shang Tsung has picked out their opponents and where on the island they will fight.
Johnny Cage: (After being teleported to an abandoned fortress) Okay? That was weird. Did someone slip me something, or… (stands near the edge) Holy shit! Hello? Sonya? Lord Regan? Radar? Whatever your name is. This thing better not go straight to video.
"Uh, Johnny. I hate to break it to you, but we already got it on Blu-Ray/DVD. See, here's the Blu-Ray copy of the movie." Sean said as he holds up the Blu-Ray copy of Mortal Kombat Legends: Scorpion's Revenge.
Sean: (Narrating) So Johnny wanders around the old fortress until he comes across Baraka and that idiot is still not convinced that this is whole thing is real because he thought that Baraka is some guy in a costume.
Johnny Cage: That… that is one hell of a costume.
(Baraka charges at Johnny and attacks him by using his blades extending from his arms. Johnny dodges Baraka's attacks as he backs himself into a wall)
Johnny Cage: Uh, are we live? Like… Like… you wanna do this now?
"Oy. Dude, he's trying to kill you. Are you convinced now?!" Sean asked.
(Baraka growls at Johnny right in his face)
Johnny Cage: Whoa. Buddy! Pro tip. Next time, pop a few mints.
Sean: (V/O as Johnny Cage) Yeah, haven't you ever heard of social distancing and six feet apart?
(Baraka slashes at Johnny's shirt)
Johnny Cage: Hey! Asshole! That was custom.
"Yeah, that's a $5,000 custom-made shirt, asshole." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Johnny continues to fight Baraka until Baraka's blades scrape the walls and the floor, setting the everything on fire and then the movie goes all Michael Bay on our asses when the gunpowder explodes and then we come to the best line ever from Johnny Cage.
Johnny Cage: (To Baraka) Eat me, buttercup.
(Johnny leaps from off of the ledge and flips Barak off with double middle fingers. Baraka ends up getting killed by fallen debris from the fortress)
"Okay, that is one of my favorite lines from the movie. That should be the go-to one-liner for when you're about to kill someone in a movie." Sean said.
(A clip from Terminator 2: Judgment Day is shown)
Terminator: (His voice is replaced with Johnny Cage's voice) Eat me, buttercup.
(The Terminator shoots at the frozen T-1000, shattering him into pieces)
(Johnny sits up on a tree branch and watches as the fortress goes down)
Johnny Cage: Toasty.
"Okay, I'll give him a free pass on that one. In fact, that whole scene was pretty awesome as hell. Johnny Cage managed to bring the house down." Sean said as the audience boos at his bad pun. "Get it? He brought the house down. See, barrels filled with gunpowder and the whole thing starts coming down. Ah, forget it."
Sean: (Narrating) We then cut to Sonya, who's walking through the swamp and she encounters Reptile, who's using invisibility to attack her. But that's not going to stop her.
Sonya Blade: (To Reptile) All right, asshole. Let's see what you got.
(Reptile spits acid on Sonya's wrist gauntlet, melting it)
"And Reptile resorts to spitting acid at Sonya. Come on, you can do better than that." Sean said.
Sean: (V/O as Reptile) Ha-ha! You can't see me! I master the art of invisibilit….
(Sonya knocks Reptile down. He's covered in mud)
Sean: (V/O as Reptile) ...AHHHH! You whore! How did you manage to see me?!
(Sonya beats down on Reptile. She kicks Reptile, but he ends up grabbing her by her leg and throw her across the swamp. Sonya gets up and charges at Reptile. He jumps over her, but ends up getting caught by her legs. Then, we get an X-Ray shot of Sonya breaking Reptile's spine before we see her wrapping a wire around his neck)
Sonya Blade: Not so fun now, is it, you cold-blooded bastard. (Decapitates Reptile with her wire) Heads up!
(Reptile's head flies off and lands on a rock)
Sonya Blade: Fuck with the Blade, you're gonna get cut. (Blows a kiss)
(A clip from Dexter is shown)
Debra Morgan (Played by Jennifer Carpenter): Oh! Sweet Mary Mother of Fuck, that's good!
"Okay, they gave Sonya some of the best lines in the movie." Sean said.
Sonya Blade: You gonna keep crying like a bitch, or you gonna get up like a man?/Why don't you come over here and I'll give you a big hug./Honestly, it's an improvement./Fuck with the Blade, you're gonna get cut.
(A clip from Mortal Kombat: Defenders of the Realm is shown)
Sonya Blade (Voiced by Olivia D'Abo): Kombat Time!
"Ah! Ah! Ah! Don't even dare play that clip. We'll talk about that show in a later segment. Trust me on that one." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So while Scorpion kills a member of the Lin Kuei while tracking down Sub-Zero, Liu Kang fights Kitana at Shang Tsung's Garden. Also, I would just like to point out that Kitana is voiced by Grey Griffin.
Kitana (Also voiced by Grey Griffin): You are Raiden's chosen one? (Chuckles) No wonder your realm has lost so many tournaments.
(Kitana pulls out her fan blades and throws one of them at Liu Kang. Liu ducks as Kitana runs towards him and attacks him. Liu gets a few good hits on Kitana)
Liu Kang: I do not wish to hurt you.
Kitana: Spare me your pity.
"Oh, come on Kitana. Liu Kang just wants to bone you." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But Liu eventually defeats Kitana and he spares her life and Kitana yields.
Kitana: What makes you so sure you will win?
Liu Kang: Because I have something no one in Outworld has.
Kitana: What?
Liu Kang: Hope.
Sean: (Narrating) Shang Tsung watches as Earthrealm succeeds in winning the tournament, but he has a little trick up his sleeve when he orders the Black Dragon to kill them so they won't win.
Raiden: How dare you!
Shang Tsung: Are you accusing me of something, Lord Raiden?
Raiden: You brought them here to interfere with the tournament.
Shang Tsung: And break the rules? Even I am not so bold as to anger the Elder Gods in such a way.
Raiden: You will not succeed, Shang Tsung.
Shang Tsung: We'll know soon enough, won't we?
"Uh, spoiler alert. You won't win, Shang Tsung and also Goro will lose. Haven't you played the game?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Johnny and Sonya reunite and he tells her that this is the real deal, not some movie and that he barely got out of there alive. And Sonya suggest that the two of them should stick together in order to make it out of this alive. Then, Liu Kang shows up.
Liu Kang: You both made it. Good. I fear it's only gonna get harder from here.
Johnny Cage: Whoa. (Stammers) Wait. What's gonna get harder? I just fought a walking pair of teeth on the side of a mountain. I'm not Tom Cruise, you know.
"I know you're not Tom Cruise. Hell, Tom Cruise is much crazier than you and has the biggest ego about the size of Mt. Rushmore." Sean said.
Johnny Cage: (Puts his arm around Sonya) Listen, sweetheart. We should get out of here…
(Sonya kicks Johnny in the groin)
Johnny Cage: (Groans) My dick!
Sonya Blade: Fuck balls! No one touches me without permission. You got it?
Johnny Cage: Got it.
"Oh, man. She kicked him in the dick so fucking hard, that I felt that. Man, so much for creating Cassie Cage. He definitely needs to ice his balls." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) They meet with Scorpion, who's busy killing a bunch of Black Dragon mercenaries. And right when Liu Kang and Sonya get ready to fight Scorpion, Johnny tries to go for the peaceful approach.
Johnny Cage: No one needs to fight anyone, especially some guy that just went psycho on a bunch of, uh…
Sonya Blade: Black Dragon. Mercenaries. Assassins. Bad guys.
Johnny Cage: Yeah. Those guys.
Liu Kang: We have to continue. Once Mortal Kombat has been declared, it must be finished.
Johnny Cage: Did you declare Mortal Kombat? Did you?
Sonya Blade: Nope.
Johnny Cage: Well, what about you, Mr…
Scorpion: Scorpion.
Johnny Cage: Oh. It's catchy. I like that. Did you declare Mortal Kombat?
(Scorpion shakes his head no)
Johnny Cage: Good. Good. Great. Then no one needs to die. Sheesh. Now, who's hungry? (Pulls out some meat sticks)
(The Wah-Wah machine plays as Sean shrugs his shoulders again)
Sean: (Narrating) So our heroes gather together by the campfire as Liu Kang tells Johnny and Sonya that everything is true like the Elder Gods and the tournament and that Shao Kahn has won nine previous Mortal Kombat tournaments and if he ends up winning a tenth tournament, then everyone dies.
Johnny Cage: Great. Just great. Yeah. Okay. Monsters, magic, this can't be real. Somebody must've slipped something into my drink. I'm hallucinating.
"Well, you shouldn't have had that chicken sandwich-sandwich. Dude, you've witnessed somebody's arms getting ripped off and a Tarkatan tried to kill you and you're not even convinced? Dude, you deserve the award for Dumbass of the Year." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But then Raiden shows up to tell them that they must enter the throne room to face off against the final kombatant. And Scorpion leaves after telling them that they won't survive. Don't worry, he'll come back. Let's get another Johnny Cage moment.
Johnny Cage: Well, that was cheery.
Sonya Blade: Shut up, Botox.
Johnny Cage: I'm just sayin' he really killed the vibe around here. I was just…
(Sonya kicks Johnny in the groin to shut him up)
Johnny Cage: Shutting up. Yeah. Yeah.
(The Wah-Wah machine plays as Sean shrugs his shoulders. While doing that, he ends up hurting himself)
"Ow, fuck! Okay, seriously. No more Johnny Cage jokes. If I keep shrugging my shoulders, I'll end up hurting myself." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So our heroes finally make it to the bridge that leads to the throne room, but they are ambushed by the Black Dragon mercenaries and Kano to keep them from entering and Kano is very happy to see Sonya.
Kano (Voiced by Robin Atkin Downes): Hello, love. Nice to see you again. (Blows her a kiss)
Sonya Blade: Why don't you come over here and I'll give you a hug.
Kano: Well, you'd do a better job than Jax.
"Not cool, dude. No need to say that about Jax. The poor guy has been disarmed three times in this franchise." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But before the Black Dragon could eliminate them, an unlikely ally is there to help them out. It turns out to be Scorpion, who was disguised as one of the Black Dragon mercenaries and they manage to defeat the assassins. Kano starts shooting at them with two machine guns. But, Sub-Zero intercepts that shrimp on the barbie and when Scorpion sees him, all hell breaks loose.
(Scorpion attacks Sub-Zero)
Scorpion: You will die for what you did.
(Sub-Zero makes a confused look)
"Okay, I just love the confused look that Sub-Zero makes." Sean said.
(The aforementioned clip plays again)
Sean: (Narrating) Right after Scorpion tells him that he will pay for what he has done, Sub-Zero just looks at him like, "What the hell is he talking about?". So, Scorpion battles Sub-Zero and things take a bloody turn.
Scorpion: That's for my clan! This is for my wife!
(Scorpion punches Sub-Zero in the face, resulting in an X-Ray image of his skull being broken)
Scorpion: (Grabs Sub-Zero) And this is for my son!
(Scorpion yells loudly as he hurls himself and Sub-Zero off of the bridge, resulting in both of the ninjas getting impaled on a large spike)
"Damn, I haven't seen a double penetration that intense since…" Sean said.
(A clip from Mortal Kombat 9 is shown)
Shao Kahn (Voiced by Bob Carter): Not one word!
"AHHHH! Sorry! Just please don't kill me with your hammer." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Sonya goes after Kano with Johnny right behind her while Liu Kang goes to the throne room to confront Shang Tsung. Back with Scorpion, Quan Chi arrives and he is disappointed in Scorpion because he only had one job. And we get one of the most notorious changes to Scorpion's backstory when Quan Chi reveals a little bombshell to Scorpion.
Quan Chi: You're as weak as your wife was. As your child. Yes, you fool. It wasn't Sub-Zero at all. I killed them.
(The scene flashes back to the night Hanzo's wife, son and clan were killed as we see Quan Chi used sorcery to hide his identity by turning into Sub-Zero)
Quan Chi: It was easy. I used sorcery to hide my identity. To make the Lin Kuei do as I wanted.
(A clip from iCarly plays as we see Spencer screaming loudly before cutting to Quan Chi)
"That is the most dumbest twist that I have ever seen in my life!" Sean exclaimed.
(Cut to footage of Scorpion and Sub-Zero's rivalry)
Sean: (Narrating) Alright, so we all know the Scorpion mythos and his rivalry with Sub-Zero. Sub-Zero killed Scorpion's wife, son and clan. So, why change it to Quan Chi killing Scorpion's clan and family? They took away anything personal between Scorpion and Sub-Zero. The Scorpion/Sub-Zero rivalry is the stuff legends are made of and in this movie, it's not. Hell, there's no sense of guilt over killing Sub-Zero for nothing, there's no sense of remorse. Nothing! So after Quan-Chi leaves, Scorpion thinks back to when he was talking to his son about the Scorpion and why it's feared and he removes himself from off of the spike. Back with Sonya, she finds Kano holding Jax hostage at the torture chamber and he releases a hoard of Outworlders to fight her, but they end up outmatching her.
Kano: (Laughs) Now, finish her!
(An Outworld demon grabs Sonya and gets ready to eat her)
Johnny Cage: Here's Johnny!
(Johnny kicks the demon and catches Sonya)
Sonya Blade: Johnny?
Johnny Cage: (Puts her down) Don't worry, babe. I got this.
"All right! Johnny Cage here to save the woman who's gonna carry his child." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We get another awesome fight scene in which Johnny kicks their asses and Sonya is surprised to see that he can fight. She joins in and they're able to defeat the hoard. They free Jax and defeat Kano but not before Jax does this.
(Jax stomps on Kano's head, crushing his skull)
Jax: Now we can go.
"Well, so much for him being in the sequel." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Back with Liu Kang, he arrives at the throne room to fight the final kombatant, which happens to be Goro and he ends up getting his ass handed to him. Then, Shang Tsung learns that Quan Chi tried to betray him. And now, it's time for Goro to finish Liu Kang the same way he did to Jax.
(Goro grabs Liu Kang by his arms and legs and gets ready to rip them off)
Goro (Voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson): Does it hurt?
(Liu Kang screams. Goro continues to pull on Liu's limbs, making him scream some more)
Goro: Soon, your weak species will be no more.
(A spear goes through Goro's head)
"Ah, shit!" Sean exclaimed, recoiling back into the couch.
Sean: (Narrating) Goro is killed in the most coolest death ever by having his skull yanked out of his head, revealing that Scorpion saved Liu Kang and he is out for blood. Shang Tsung wants Scorpion to defeat Liu Kang in exchange for having Shang Tsung.
Liu Kang: Vengeance is not the way, Scorpion.
Shang Tsung: Of course it is. And it's yours. All you have to do is kill him.
Sean: (V/O as Scorpion) Well, now that you said that maybe I should… (Scorpion teleports behind Shang Tsung and grabs him) Psych! Gotcha, you old bitch!
Shang Tsung: (Gasps) What are you doing?
Scorpion: Living for the future. Give me the key.
(Shang Tsung drops the key)
Shang Tsung: You fool! Shao Kahn will hear about this and kill you.
Scorpion: I'm already dead. Liu Kang, I yield.
"I don't want to fight you. This whole tournament is giving me a headache. I just want to go back to the Netherrealm, kick back and watch iCarly." Sean said, imitating Scorpion.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, the tournament is over and Liu Kang is now the Mortal Kombat champion and Earthrealm is safe. Shang Tsung leaves for the island as the island starts to crumble. Raiden and Liu Kang leave, but Scorpion stays to fight Quan Chi to avenge the death of his family and clan.
(The Mortal Kombat theme plays as we watch Scorpion and Quan Chi fighting. During the fight, Scorpion stabs Quan Chi with his swords then sends a flurry of punches on him. Next, he uses his spears to rip off the sorcerer's arms, then he throws the other spear into Quan Chi as we get an X-Ray of the spear entering his chest and going through his back)
Scorpion: Get over here!
(Scorpion pulls Quan Chi over towards him and grabs him by his neck)
Quan Chi: My god will avenge me.
Scorpion: Damn your god.
(Scorpion rips off Quan Chi's head and upper spinal cord. He then proceeds to take off his mask and shoots out a stream of hellfire, which burns the sorcerer's headless corpse before tossing his severed head into the fire)
Sean: (V/O as Toasty Guy) Toasty!
We cut to Sean, who's busy getting a massage from the R-rating, who is shown with Mickey Mouse-arms.
"Oh, R-rating. That feels so good." Sean groaned.
Sean: (Narrating) Scorpion perishes as the island crumbles while our heroes look on at the distance, Johnny gets a hug from Sonya and Raiden tells Liu Kang that his destiny was to never defeat Goro, but his destiny is to defeat Shao Kahn. And our heroes live happily ever after.
"Or do they?" Sean asked.
Shang Tsung: I'm sorry, Master. It was that old fool, Raiden. He…
Shao Kahn (Also voiced by Fred Tatasciore): Silence! Gather our forces. It's time to end this game once and for all.
"And that was Mortal Kombat Legends: Scorpion's Revenge and it was awesome as hell!" Sean exclaimed.
(Clips from the movie are shown once more)
Sean: (Narrating) What can I say about this movie? The violence was straight up some bloody satisfaction, the animation was great, good characters and a well-written story. Also, the fights are exciting as hell. The movie has some flaws, like the reveal of Quan Chi revealed to be the killer. I didn't care for the reveal. It was a promising idea to revisit the Mortal Kombat story from Scorpion's point of view. Let's hope that we get a Mortal Kombat Legends sequel to see what they do next. It was a lot of fun to watch and I don't mind the little changes. This film is better than Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. If you haven't seen this movie, then go check it out. Mortal Kombat Legends: Scorpion's Revenge comes in at 4 fatalities out of 5.
"Well, that's all the time we have for today. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic and I'll see you next time." Sean said.
Mayhem Critic Tagline- Eat me, buttercup.
And that's all for my MK Legends: Scorpion's Revenge review for The Mayhem Critic. I hope that you all liked it. So, what are your thoughts about the movie and are you excited for the new Mortal Kombat movie coming out? Next time on The Mayhem Critic, Animation March Madness continues as Sean heads back to the 90s to find out whatever happened to the Family of Tomorrow, and that movie is Jetsons: The Movie. Is this movie a swan song to the series or just the final nail in the coffin? Make sure you leave a comment, add it to your favorites and follow it for future updates. And I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.