The Mayhem Critic
Aloha, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker bringing you another great and hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. When we last left off, he ripped apart the 2005 remake Yours, Mine & Ours. Today, Sean takes a look at the 2001 sequel to the Jackie Chan/Chris Tucker action-comedy Rush Hour 2, a movie that received mixed reviews from critics and it became a commercial success as he sees how well it holds up. So sit back, relax and grab yourself a cold one and enjoy the hilarious new chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Enjoy.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All rights belong to their respective sources. Rush Hour 2 is owned by New Line Cinema and Roger Birnbaum Productions.
Episode 123
Rush Hour 2
Today's review opens with our favorite residential critic Sean J. Archer, a.k.a. the Mayhem Critic, sitting on his couch as he prepares to start his introduction.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one." Sean said. "Hey, you ever had that friend who says that they've seen a movie that they thought it was awesome and then they want you to go see it and after you seen the movie you tell that friend that you enjoy it and it was awesome. And years later, they see the sequel to that movie and their reaction is an astounding, "Ehhhhh". This is Rush Hour 2."
(The title screen for the movie is shown while clips from the movie are shown while the theme music plays)
Sean: (Narrating) Released in theaters on August 3rd, 2001, three years after director Brett Ratner's box office smash hit. (The poster for Rush Hour is shown) Rush Hour 2 garnered some mixed reviews from critics. On Rotten Tomatoes, the film has an approval rating of 52%, with critics feeling that the film doesn't feel as fresh or funny as the first film. (A picture of Roger Ebert is shown) Hell, even Roger Ebert gave the film one and a half out of four stars and he called Chris Tucker "an anchor around the ankles of the humor". I mean come on, is this film as bad as they say it is? It's not as bad as…
(The poster for Rush Hour 3 is shown)
Sean: (Narrating) ...oh shit. But, a part of me does feel bad about this movie. I absolutely enjoyed it when I saw it at the Oakley Drive-In with my Mom when I was nine. They were showing it with Jurassic Park III… a movie that I regret seeing. Besides, I still get a few laughs from watching the movie and I found the action scenes and Jackie Chan's stunt work enjoyable. It's nowhere near as fresh or funny as the original but it's got some great action scenes and some clever writing. It's worth checking out once more to see if it still holds up.
"So, let's see some culture clash action, this is Rush Hour 2." Sean said.
(The opening credits are shown)
Sean: (Sees that the film is directed by Brett Ratner) Yeah, "A Brett Ratner Film". That deserves ten sins right there. The movie opens in Hong Kong as we get our opening credits as we see a mystery woman delivering a package and suddenly…
(The mystery woman steps out of the building. Then, the building explodes)
Mystery Woman: (Speaking in Chinese) Someone better call the police.
"Did I mention that this was pre-9/11?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) The building that exploded was the U.S. Consulate General embassy and killing two U.S. Custom agents. The explosion was caused by villainess of the movie named Xiao Hu Li, played by Zhang Ziyi
"Who you might recognize her in such great movies as Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Hero, House of Flying Daggers and Rob Marshall's Memories of a Geisha." Sean said. "I haven't watched Memoirs of a Geisha, but I have watched and owned Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. It was a masterpiece."
Sean: (Narrating) After witnessing Michael Bay's wet dream, we cut to our heroes Inspector Lee and Detective Carter, played by Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker, as we see the two of them enjoying their nice, relaxing vacation and driving in Lee's car singing The Beach Boys. And since Carter's an American on vacation in Hong Kong, he decides to hit on some women.
Carter (Played by Chris Tucker): (To the ladies in the next car) Hey, ladies, how you doin'? Wait a minute. (Picks up his translation book and speaks in Cantonese. The girls laugh at him as they drive off) Hey, where you goin'? Let's get some sushi!
"I don't know what you just said to them but I think it's something ridiculous." Sean said.
Carter: All I did was invite them to have a drink.
Lee (Played by Jackie Chan): You invited them to get naked and sacrifice a small goat.
"I hope it's not something kinky." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Lee is contacted by the Hong Kong Police when Captain Chin, played by Kenneth Tsang, tells him about the bombing and that two Americans were killed and they think that the Triads are responsible and they're under the control of Ricky Tan. He asks Lee to take the case. Lee agrees to take the case but he must keep it a secret from Carter because Carter is here on vacation and he wants Lee to show him a good time, so he takes him to a club where Ricky Tan's gang is hiding out.
(Lee and Carter enter the club)
Lee: They don't like tourists in here, so try to blend in.
Carter: What you mean blend in? I'm 2 feet taller than everybody in here.
"Well, why don't you find a seat next to Yao Ming and Judo Gold-medalist Shinichi Shinohara." Sean said.
(The hostess speaks in Cantonese to Lee and Carter. Lee speaks in Cantonese to the club hostess as she points out the direction to the bathroom)
Lee: (In English) Wait here.
Carter: Where you going?
Lee: Bathroom.
"You wait right here while I go look for some Tria… I mean, look for some ladies for us to be partying with. There's no way that I'm looking for any Triads here in this club." Sean said, imitating Lee.
Sean: (Narrating) While Lee is busy tracking down some Triads, Carter spots a guy absolutely butchering Michael Jackson.
(Carter sees the karaoke singer singing "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" badly)
Karaoke Singer (Played by Gelbert Coloma): (Sings badly) Take us through the hours. I won't make you, baby…
Carter: What in the world is going on up in here? Am I the only one listening to this? The man destroying a classic!
Karaoke Singer: (Continues to sing badly) To the force don't stop, don't stop till you get enough. Keep on to the force don't stop, don't stop till you get enough.
Carter: Boo!
"Where's Simon Cowell when you need him? This is a travesty to be butchering a classic. It's like someone butchering Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody." Sean said.
(A clip of the drunk man singing Bohemian Rhapsody from the back of a police car is shown)
Drunk Man: (Sings) Is this the real life, is this just fantasy….
"Oh, God." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Hell, this gives Chris Tucker to show off his singing talents in this movie.
Carter: (Sings) Get closer, oh, get closer I'm burnin' now. Just love me till you don't know how. Keep on to the force, don't stop. Don't stop till you get enough. Keep on till the force starts up. Ah, don't stop till you get enough. Keep on till the force starts up. Oh, come on, girls! Come on, till the force starts up. Ah, don't stop till you get enough.
(Carter starts dancing)
"Okay, a little fun fact about this scene: Brett Ratner admitted that the first part of the karaoke scene with Chris Tucker was not supposed to be filmed. In fact, Tucker refused to act like Michael Jackson with the cameras running. Between takes, he went up as entertainment for everyone and Ratter told the cameramen to film it in secret, but not to let Tucker notice them filming him. And because of that scene, Michael Jackson called Chris Tucker and he told him that he saw the movie and informed him that he was "kicking the wrong leg". Also, Tucker co-starred in Michael Jackson's short movie for the song "You Rock My World", and that was released a month after this movie." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Lee spots Carter's method of blending in by seducing all of the women to be polite to his nuts, he must break the bad news to his buddy.
Lee: This is a gangster bar. We are here undercover.
Carter: I knew you was lying. I knew you was lying, man.
Lee: I'm sorry, Carter.
"I can't believe you, man. You told me that you was going to the bathroom, but instead you're looking for Triads. How could you?!" Sean exclaimed, imitating Carter.
Lee: We are here to find Ricky Tan. We must tread softly.
Carter: Tread softly? What in the world you talking about? Who taught you how to roust a bar? Tread softly.
Lee: These men are Triads, the most deadly gang in China.
Carter: You think that scare me? I'm from Los Angeles. We invented gangs.
"Dude, if you've played the Yakuza series, the Triads are the most deadly gang in China. Trust me, I know. You should listen to Lee, they're not like any of the gangs here in the U.S." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Carter takes Lee's badge and has a better idea to fish out the Triads is by using his microphone and ends up embarrassing himself by speaking bad Cantonese, so he has Lee to translate for him.
Lee: (Speaking in Cantonese and we see the translation on screen) I apologize. My friend is very drunk.
(Everyone laughs)
Carter: I see what's going on here.
"I see that all of you are working for Ricky Tan! Get your hands up in the air, you're all under arrest!" Sean yelled out.
Sean: (Narrating) Carter's lack of subtlety gets the attention of Hu Li and the Triads as Lee notices her and gives chase with Carter following along and we get our good 'ol fashioned scaffolding chase scene as Lee climbs up the bamboo scaffolding. As for Carter.
(As Carter climbs up the bamboo scaffolding, one of the gangsters fall off and lands on a table with crabs on it)
Carter: (Looks up and climbs back down) Aw, hell no. Uh-uh.
"Yeah, he forgot that he's in a Jackie Chan movie. So, he doesn't do as many stunts as Jackie Chan." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So while Carter goes up stairs to avoid falling to his death, we get an awesome fight scene between Lee and the Triad gang members, also I just have to bring up this little bit right here.
Old Lady: (Speaking in Cantonese and the translation is shown) Move aside, Kobe.
Sean chuckles a bit from the line.
"I just get a chuckle every time I hear that line in the movie. Mostly because many of the locals mistook Chris Tucker for NBA star Kobe Bryant while they were filming the movie." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Lee makes it to the top of the building but he gets attacked by Hu Li and she proves to be a challenge for Lee. But before she could finish off Lee, Carter makes it to the roof to find his friend dangling off of a bamboo stick. He tries to save Lee, but Hu Li ends up knocking Carter off of the roof as well and leave him dangling off of the same bamboo pole.
Carter: Who the hell was that?
"Dude, I just said who it was during the first five minutes of the review. Weren't you paying any attention?" Sean asked.
Carter: Lee, help me, man!
Lee: Don't worry. Chinese bamboo is very strong.
(The bamboo gets ready to break as Lee and Carter both yell)
Carter: You sure, man?
Lee: I'm sure.
(The bamboo pole starts to break off of the scaffolding)
Carter: Lee!
(The ties holding the scaffolding break as it falls over. Lee and Carter start screaming as the bamboo falls, then they hang on to dear life while Carter hangs onto Lee's legs)
Lee: Let go! Let go!
Carter: I can't believe I flew 10,000 miles for this shit!
(The bamboo breaks as Lee and Carter fall into one of the street vendor stands)
"Well, so much for hanging out at the club." Sean said as a comedic drum riff plays in the background.
Sean: (Narrating) After that wild night, Carter gets mad at Lee for lying to him and he explains to him that two Americans were killed at the American embassy and that they need to find the Triads and Ricky Tan. But Carter has no interest in helping him out, so Lee decides to definitely give him a good time by taking him to a massage parlor.
"The best damn massage parlor in Hong Kong." Sean said with a smile on his face.
Lee: My American friend is on vacation. I wanna show him a good time.
Heaven on Earth Hostess #1 (Played by Lucy Lin): Oh, you American.
Carter: Yeah.
Heaven on Earth Hostess #1: You bring American money?
(Lee reaches for his wallet but Carter stops him)
Carter: I got it, Lee.
Lee: No.
Carter: I got it.
Lee: You sure?
Carter: I'm sure.
"Come on, Lee. Let Carter handle this. You want your pal here to get a good time." Sean said.
Heaven on Earth Hostess #1: Are you ready?
Carter: (To Lee) You ready? I'm ready.
(The massage hostesses open the sliding doors to reveal a bunch of beautiful Chinese ladies)
Carter: (Laughing) Oh, my goodness! This place is off the hook! I love Hong Kong.
"Helloooooooo, nurses! Say, why don't one you pretty ladies give me a massage and be polite to my nuts with your magic touch?" Sean asked, in his Yakko Warner voice.
Sean: (Narrating) So while Carter is there to get a massage and getting pleasure… and even more pleasure… and damn, that's a lot of pleasure. Lee is scoping the place out and spots the movie's main villain Ricky Tan, played by John Lone.
Carter: Lee, what's wrong?
Lee: That's Ricky Tan.
Carter: (Sees Tan) That's Ricky Tan? That's a midget in a bathrobe!
"Uh, you do know that John Lone is taller than you, right? He's like 5'7." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Lee tells Carter that he will call for backup because Ricky Tan is a very dangerous man. But Carter thinks that calling for backup is ridiculous and that the guy couldn't put up much of a fight, so he goes over to Ricky Tan and tries to bust him in his own very special way.
Ricky Tan (Played by John Lone): I know you. You are Lee's American friend, right?
Carter: No. I'm Lee's new muscle. And don't let this robe fool you. This is the only color they had left. (Takes his robe off) Now I said, get up. I ain't gonna say it again.
Ricky Tan: (Chuckles) You Americans are so funny.
Carter: And you Asians don't hear that well. (Grabs Ricky's laptop and throws it down on the ground and steps on it) Little Ricky. Get your little punk ass up out of that chair right now!
"Damn it, Carter! Why did you have to destroy Ricky's laptop like that? He has tons of Brazzers porn stashed away in there!" Sean exclaimed. "And let's not forget tons of Creddie and Seddie fanfics that he's been working on."
Sean: (Narrating) Lee returns to stop Carter from doing something stupid as he questions Ricky Tan about the bombing at the American Embassy, but Carter has other plans.
Carter: (Grabs Ricky by his robe) Look, little man. You coming with…
(A few Triad goons get up from their seats to go after Carter as Carter notices this)
Carter: Oh, my Lord. I would like to pay you for that laptop. I think I should do that.
"Uh, yeah. I have one question about the warranty: does it cover assault?" Sean asked.
Carter: (Grabs Lee) Lee, why didn't you tell me this man rolls like this?
Lee: I told you!
Carter: No, you didn't!
Lee: I did.
Carter: What you day?
Lee: I did this. (Makes a facial expression)
Carter: What do this… (Makes a signal) mean, man? Speak English to me!
Lee: That means I go this way… (makes facial signals) ...you, this way.
Carter: (Does what Lee does) I go that way, you go this way.
Lee: Yes.
Carter: Okay.
(Lee and Carter start fighting the Triads)
Sean: (Narrating) We then get another action scene in which Lee and Carter fight a bunch of Triad goons that are just aching to kick their ass and I have to say that Chris Tucker could hold his own here. And as awesome Jackie Chan is during this scene with his acrobatic stunt work, the choreography for Carter is so good that he manages to deliver this as much ass kicking throughout the course of the fight.
(Lee and Carter knock out two of the Triad goons as they stand victoriously until more Triad goon show up as Lee and Carter both groan in disgust)
"Well, more Triad goons. I guess that means, it's time for Round 2." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But no, we don't get a Round 2 of the fight scene, instead the Triads strip Lee and Carter naked and drop them off in the middle of a highway. Now, they've gotta run naked all the way to Yau Ma Tei Police Station, where we see Secret Service Agent Sterling, played by Harris Yulin, talking to Captain Chin.
Agent Sterling (Played by Harris Yulin): Two Americans have been killed on United States government property. (To the agent) Give me two copies of that. (Speaks to Captain Chin) This is our investigation.
Captain Chin (Played by Kenneth Tsang): Chief Inspector Lee will supervise your people.
Agent Sterling: No, he will report to me. Do we understand each other?
(Lee and Carter enter the police station naked as Agent Sterling and Captain Chin sees them)
Agent Sterling: What the hell is that?
Captain Chin: That is, uh, Chief Inspector Lee.
"Okay, then why the hell is he naked with the guy from Friday?" Sean asked, imitating Agent Sterling. "Does Brett Ratner have anything to do with this?"
Sean: (Narrating) So after having the Triads trying to kill them and being humiliated and embarrassed by running around the streets of Hong Kong butt-naked, Carter is furious with Lee for ruining his vacation.
Lee: Stop. I'm sick of your bullshit.
Carter: I'm sick of you! I'm not the one running up in karaoke bars full of gangsters. And I'm not the one running up in massage parlors looking for crime lords.
Lee: It's my job.
Carter: It's your job. You pitiful, man. When are you gonna have some fun? When are you gonna take a day off? When you gonna go on a date or something?
Lee: I have plenty of dates.
Carter: When? When's the last time you had a date, huh?
"And no, your hand doesn't count as a date! I mean, a date with a real woman." Sean said, imitating Carter.
Lee: You will never understand me.
Carter: You right. I didn't even understand what you just said to me right then.
Sean: (Narrating) And with that, Lee and Carter's friendship is strained. But enough about strained friendships, Carter realized that he left his passport back at the massage parlor. Meanwhile, Lee has a meeting with Captain Chin as he introduces him to Agent Sterling. Sterling informs Lee that this information is top secret and it cannot leave this room. It turns out that the two Americans who were killed in the bombing were not American translators, they were undercover United States customs agents trying to break a Triad smuggling ring. What were the Triads smuggling? They don't know for sure.
Lee: How can we help you?
Agent Sterling: You can stay the hell out of our way. Thank you.
Lee: I can get you Ricky Tan.
Agent Sterling: No. We know all about Tan. That's why we're leaving him out there as bait. This is a lot bigger than Ricky Tan and the Fu Cang Long Triads.
(A clip from Seinfeld is shown)
Jerry Seinfeld: This is beyond news. This is like Pearl Harbor or the Kennedy Assassination.
Sean: (Narrating) So after Lee gets warned by Agent Sterling to stay out of their way, Carter bumps into Hu Li, who's in disguise and she's here to deliver a package and Carter tries to charm her, but she doesn't return his affection. So now, Carter is on his way to the massage parlor, while Lee returns to his office and…
(The package sent to Lee's office turns out to be a bomb as it detonates. Lee gets up and sees his office, remembering that Carter is in there)
Lee: Carter! Carter!
"Come on, it's Chris Tucker. Like you would kill Chris Tucker in a movie." Sean said.
(A clip from the movie Dead Presidents is shown where we see Chris Tucker's character Skip dying from a heroin overdose. Then, we cut a clip from the movie Jackie Brown as we see his character Beaumont Livingston, getting shot twice by Samuel L. Jackson's character Max Cherry)
"Except for these two movies." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We see that the still-alive Carter is roaming through the streets of Hong Kong looking for the massage parlor and with language barriers leaving him with a new suit and a live chicken. Meanwhile, Lee is saddened that his best friend perished in the explosion.
Captain Chin: You okay, Lee?
Lee: All he wanted was some mu shu.
"But the Triads were the ones who delivered his last meal. And damn was it spicy!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) Carter is still looking for the massage parlor but he inadvertently comes across Ricky Tan, so he grabs a cab and orders the cabbie to follow that car.
Carter: Hey, follow that limo. This is a chase, okay? Wherever he goes, you go. You're not moving! This is the opposite of chasing!
(The cab driver speaks in Cantonese)
Carter: What? I will slap you if you don't move this car.
(The cab driver continues to speak in Cantonese)
Carter: I'm gonna slap you.
(The cab driver speaks in Cantonese)
Carter: I'm gonna slap you.
(The cab driver speaks in Cantonese)
Carter: Okay. All right. Okay, look. (Pulls out a wad of cash) Here. You understand that?
(The cab driver takes the money)
Carter's Cab Driver (Played by William Wai-Lun Duen, credited as William Tuen): (In English) Now you're speaking my language.
Carter: Well, get the hell on then. Come on, let's go!
"Money. The only thing that could break the language barrier." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Lee gets a phone call from Captain Chin as he informs Lee that they just heard that Ricky Tan is throwing a party on his boat. Does Agent Sterling knows about this? To hell with Agent Sterling, let the Hong Kong Police handle this. So, Lee heads down to Ricky Tan's boat and sneaks in to look for him. While he's doing that, Carter is there too and he spots Hu Li at the party, but most importantly… (We cut to the character Isabella Molina, sitting alone by the bar) BAZINGA! Look at the tits on this hot chick! And Carter tries to put the moves on the smokin' hot Latina.
Carter: How you doing, baby? Carter. James Carter. Baldwin Hills.
Isabella Molina (Played by Roselyn Sanchez): Isabella Molina. From San Juan.
"She's played by the beautiful Roselyn Sanchez. And yes, she's actually from San Juan." Sean said as he stops for a bit and looks down. "And immediately, she's giving me a stiffy right now."
Sean: (Narrating) Wanting to get to know her and wanting her to be polite to his nuts, Carter plays it off like he's rich, well super rich and that he owns this yacht.
Isabella Molina: This is your yacht?
Carter: That's right. I'm the owner. The captain. El Capitan.
Isabella Molina: El Capitan?
Carter: Yes. Listen. I'm not gonna play games with you. I want you, right now.
"I want some of that Latin heat, baby." Sean said before he starts speaking in Spanish.
Sean: (Narrating) Isabella quizzes Carter on the name of the yacht and he completely messes it up, so she tells him that it's actually called the Red Dragon and that her friend owns the yacht and that it's his party. So, who's her friend?
Steven Reign (Played by Alan King): Who's your friend?
Isabella Molina: Somebody who got on the wrong yacht.
Carter: (Recognizes Reign) Hey, wait a second. I know you. Steven Reign, right? You own half of Los Angeles. What you doing out here in Hong Kong?
Steven Reign: I'm here for the weekend, taking in the sights.
"He's also here to perform some of his classic stand-up routines." Sean said, referencing comedian Alan King.
Sean: (Narrating) And if you think that I'm kidding about about Steven Reign being a stand-up comedian, that's actually comedian Alan King playing Steven Reign. And if you've seen Alan King's stand-up routines, they're hilarious. You should check out one of his classic routines. Check out his "Survived By His Wife" bit, it is friggin' hilarious. But enough about Alan King and his character, we see that Lee has hopped aboard the yacht. He questions the Triad member about the whereabouts of Ricky Tan, guess who shows up.
Carter: (Sees Lee) Who got killed, man?
Lee: Carter!
Carter: Who died, Lee?
Lee: You!
Carter: Detective Yu?
Lee: Not Yu, you!
Carter: Who?
Lee: You!
Carter: Who?
Sean starts laughing from watching the scene.
"Oh, man. This reminds me of Abbott and Costello's Who's On First. Plus, it also reminds me of the little bit from Woodstock Slappy. It is pretty hilarious. I mean, that joke will never get old." Sean said.
(Cutaway Gag Starts)
(We see Sean and Taylor sitting on the couch. Sean is busy working on the TV Guide crossword puzzle while Taylor is watching Sex and the City on HBO Max)
Sean: Tay.
Taylor: Yeah.
Sean: Okay, I need an answer for three down. What is the name of the famous time-traveling doctor.
Taylor: Who.
Sean: That's what I'm asking you.
Taylor: No, Who.
Sean: The name of the doctor.
Taylor: Who.
Sean: That's what I'm trying to ask you. The name of the doctor.
Taylor: Who.
Sean: (Makes a facepalm) Oh, Jesus. Okay, I've asked you the name of the doctor.
Taylor: Yes.
Sean: And you said "Who".
Taylor: That is correct.
Sean: So, what's his name?
Taylor: Who.
Sean: The name of the doctor.
Taylor: Who.
Sean: You're starting to piss me off, Taylor. What is the name of the goddamn doctor?!
Taylor: Who!
Sean: Forget it! (Throws his pen and TV Guide over to the side before he gets up from off of the couch)
(Cutaway Gag Ends)
Sean: (Narrating) But their reunion is cut short as Lee and Carter get caught by some Triad goons and they're taken to see the Tan Man himself after he is finished berating Hu Li for her actions. He dismisses Hu Li and requests to speak with Lee alone while Carter waits inside.
Carter: Hell, no. I ain't going nowhere.
Lee: It's okay.
Carter: I'm not leaving you alone, Lee.
Lee: I'll be fine.
Carter: You sure?
Lee: Yes.
"Dude, let Lee handle this. Besides, you've done quite enough to piss Ricky Tan off. Dude, do you know how many dirty fanfics he's been working on? Cloud storage haven't been invented yet." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) With the two of them left alone, Ricky tells Lee that he's not the one responsible for the bombing at the American embassy and he believes that some of his people were responsible and are out to get him.
Ricky Tan: Lee, I really need your help. I cannot trust anybody else.
Lee: Tell me why they killed the customs agents.
Ricky Tan: I'll give you all the information you need. But you've gotta get me out of Hong Kong right away.
(Hu Li and some of the Triads show up as Hu Li shoots Tan, resulting in him falling off of the yacht)
"Eh, I'm sure he'll be alright." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) In the ensuing chaos, Lee kicks the crap out of the Triads while Carter comes across Hu Li and he tries to stop her from getting away.
Carter: (Sees Hu Li) Hey, lady, what are you doing? Get down. I'm L.A.P.D.
(Hu Li kicks Carter in the face)
Carter: You just kick me? You must be out of your mind! You want some of me? I'm gonna give you an L.A.P.D. ass-kicking!
(Hu Li kicks Carter in the face once more, knocking him out before she gets away)
"Damn! You got knocked the fuck out, man!" Sean yelled out, imitating Smokey from the movie Friday.
Sean: (Narrating) With the bad guys escaping and Ricky Tan dead, Agent Sterling is furious and he starts pulling out all sorts of accusations from out of his ass.
Agent Sterling: Ricky Tan was our only bait. Now he's gone. So you got your revenge. At the expense of a United States government investigation.
Carter: Revenge? What are you talking about, revenge?
Agent Sterling: Now, I don't know if the Triads paid you to get rid of Tan or if it was a pure vendetta killing or if you're involved in the smuggling yourself.
"Maybe you're the one who's in cahoots with Venkman, Stanz and Spengler by putting all that pink ooze underground or maybe you're the one who's responsible for unleashing the Scoleri Brothers on me or maybe you recorded that conversation between me and Felix Cortez. You're not gonna win, Lee. Not by a longshot." Sean said, imitating Agent Sterling.
Sean: (Narrating) And with that, Agent Sterling tells Lee that he's off the case and he does not want to see him ever again. (Scoffs) Okay, Dad. He then orders Carter to head right back to L.A., in which he's alright with that. After all, Lee ruined his vacation and for what sequel? Fuck this noise, man. So then Lee reveals a shocking revelation to Carter, turns out that Ricky Tan was once a police officer and he was Lee's father's partner. Lee's father found out that Ricky Tan was working for the Triads but before he could prove it, he was killed.
Carter: So I get it now. This is all about your daddy's last case.
(Lee nods his head)
Carter: So you getting on the plane with me or not?
Lee: What?
Carter: You know my daddy died on the job too. If I had a chance to square his death, I'd do whatever it takes.
"Dude, your father was killed over a parking ticket and you haven't squared it yet? You do know you could easily track down the license plate, right?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Why L.A.? Because it's exactly what they should do when Carter gives Lee a little theory of criminal investigation: which is to follow the rich white man because every big crime has a rich white man behind it. So who's the rich white man that Carter is referring to? None other that Steven Reign. He also mention that Reign was surprisingly calm during that whole action scene on the yacht, which means that the dude is clearly up to no good. As they arrive in L.A., Carter and Lee investigate Reign Towers by peeking through the windows as they spy on him and Isabella.
(While Lee takes over the observation, he begins to notice Isabella undressing)
Carter: What's she doing?
Lee: Huh?
Carter: What's she doing, man?
Lee: She's just standing around, not doing much.
Carter: Well, just don't fall asleep. Sooner or later, something's gonna happen.
Lee: Okay, I just try to stay awake. It's just so boring.
"I'll try not to be loud while I continue to watch Isabella." Sean said, imitating Lee.
Lee: (While spying on Isabella) Ah. Slow down, baby.
Carter: What?
Lee: Huh? Nothing. I said nothing.
Carter: You said something.
Lee: I said nothing.
Carter: I heard you say something.
Lee: No, no, no. Nothing.
Sean: (Narrating) Carter checks on Lee to see if he's okay and Lee tells him that Isabella is getting undressed, in which Carter takes a look to act like a horny teen.
Carter: (While spying on Isabella) Black panties, black bra. Victoria's Secret, spring catalog, page 27. Girl got class.
"Sounds like something that Carly Shay would wear when she seduces Freddie Benson while wearing her Idiot Farmgirl outfit." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Carter sees that Isabella is walking over to the door as she opens it, revealing Hu Li in disguise as she hands her a package and the two of them realize that the package is indeed a bomb, so they rush to her room and grab the suspicious package as they run up to the roof to get rid of it.
(A clip from Batman The Movie plays)
Batman (Played by Adam West): Somedays you just can't get rid of a bomb.
(Lee throws the bomb over to the side as him and Carter get down on the ground, until Isabella shows up and picks up the bomb)
Isabella Molina: Okay, on your feet. Enough, alright! Enough!
Carter: Put that down!
Lee: It's a bomb! Hey!
Carter: Put that down!
Isabella Molina: Guys, no bomb. Nothing.
(Turns out that the "bomb" is revealed to be dollar bills)
"Hey, what do you know? The bomb is made out of money." Sean chuckled a bit.
Sean: (Narrating) But surprise, surprise. It turns out that Isabella is actually a Secret Service agent working for Reign under the guise of her being a crooked customs agent. Reign's smuggling operation is actually counterfeit money. Which is made so accurately, the only way to spot if it's fake is by burning it. These counterfeit bills use an optical transfer ink from India that burns red.
"You want me to try it? No, no I am not trying that. You can just forget it." Sean said.
Carter: So, what in the hell they gonna do with a hundred million of phony money?
Isabella Molina: You know, Carter. I believe you're asking the wrong question. (Undos her robe, revealing her bra-covered breasts) The real question is where are the plates? If we can find the plates, we can stop the whole operation. Right?
Carter: Yeah, you're right.
Isabella Molina: Maybe this is where you can help us, guys. Yeah. I mean, Carter, this is your city, right?
Carter: Yeah, this is my titty… I mean, this is my city.
"Yeah, L.A. is a nice titty… I mean, it's a nice city." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) With Lee and Carter agreeing to help her out in looking for the plates and the two of them start their investigation.
Agent Sterling: (Over the phone) Sterling.
Isabella Molina: Lee and Carter are officially out of the Secret Service's way.
"Or she sent the two of them on a wild goose chase because nobody wants them in their way." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But hey, Lee and Carter are better investigators as Carter knows where to get some info, and that's from his informant Kenny, played by Don Cheadle, who runs an illegal gambling den in the back room of his Chinese restaurant.
Carter: Look, man. I'm about to bust you if you don't give me some information.
Kenny (Played by Don Cheadle): How you gonna come up here and jam me up like this, James? Huh? You embarrass me in front of my wife, my kids out there.
Carter: Kenny, you embarrassing yourself. You a black man with a Chinese restaurant on Crenshaw.
"Hell, you played a bad guy in the Space Jam movie." Sean said, imitating Carter.
Kenny: Know what I'm gonna do for you? I'm gonna whup your ass. And then I'm gonna whup your ass.
Sean: (Narrating) But hey, we get to see Don Cheadle fight with Jackie Chan and speak in Chinese. Yes, that part is also true. Anyway, the grill Kenny for the bills and he let's them know that one of his regulars came in here a few days ago with some funny money that passed all of the test, except for the test where you burn it and it gives off a red glow. So, Lee and Carter learn that a man named Zing, who works at Reign Plaza gave him the funny money. So the next day, the two of them head down to Reign Plaza to speak with Zing, played by Ernie Reyes Jr., you know Keno from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze and Surf Ninjas.
Carter: Excuse me. L.A.P.D. We're looking for a guy named Zing.
(Zing makes a run for it at Lee and Carter chase him down)
Lee: You!
Carter: Come here! Come back here! Hey! Hey! You little rascal! Get back here! Get back here right now!
(Zing runs to the back to warn Hu Li and the Triads as Lee and Carter get surrounded by them)
"Oh, great. Now the Triads got machine guns and they're waiting to turn those two into swiss cheese." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But before the Triads could kill them before they could even star in Rush Hour 3, Isabella steps in as she tells Hu Li that there's someone who would like to talk to them first.
(Isabella walks behind Lee and knocks him out and points her gun at Carter)
Carter: What'd you do that for? That was unnecessary!
(Hu Li kicks Carter in the face)
"There's nothing better than getting a concussion while being interrogated." Sean said.
Carter: You done knocked out my filling, girl. That's gonna cost you.
(Hu Li backhands Carter in the face)
"Dude, if you know what's good for you, I suggest that you shut your mouth." Sean said.
Carter: I ain't never hit a woman in my life, but your ass is pushing it!
"Shut up." Sean said.
Carter: (To Hu Li) Better watch your back.
(Hu Li knocks out Carter)
"SHUT UP! Oh, my God! Can't you keep your fucking mouth shut for once?!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) Lee and Carter wake up, only to find themselves in the back of a container truck filled with Chinese warrior statues, but hey this is Jackie Chan we're talking about here. No nylon strap couldn't stop him. They manage to free themselves as they end up knocking over one of the statues, revealing that they're filled with counterfeit bills. They notice that the truck is slowing down and they knock out the guards and they flee before the rest of the goon squad show up. The two of them make it down to the sewers, and they finally learn where they are after they come up from the surface.
(Lee and Carter see that they arrived in Las Vegas)
Lee: Las Vegas?
Carter: Vegas? What the hell we doing in Vegas?
"Hey, we were getting sick of you two in L.A. and Hong Kong. It's either Las Vegas, Seattle or Miami." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) They happen to be around the Red Dragon casino, yeah, the same name of the yacht that Steven Reign owns. But they can't go into the casino with their clothes reeking like the sewers, they've got to get some new threads as they enter a clothing store, where they are greeted by a flamboyant salesman, played by Jeremy Piven.
Salesman (Played by Jeremy Piven): Would your partner like to be wrapped in silk as well? Some people think it's tacky, but I really enjoy it when couples dress alike.
Carter: (Chuckles) No, wait a minute. No, this ain't no couple thing, man. We're police officers. We're working on a case, and we need clothes.
Lee: Yes. There are a lot of men chasing us.
Salesman: As well they should be. Listen, you have nothing to worry about, okay? I'm gonna turn you two into the belle of the ball.
Lee: Thank you.
Salesman: Absolutely.
"So this is what Ari Gold has been doing before he became Vincent Chase's manager." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) After getting some new clothes, Lee and Carter are stylin' and profilin' as they arrive at the casino. After Reign finishes his introduction to his casino, Lee and Carter are forcibly split up as Molina pulls Lee away to a dance area to convince Lee that she's not backstabbing them and she has some information for their little quest.
Isabella Molina: Look over my right shoulder. That's the soft count room. We think the plates are in there. I need you to go and get them.
Lee: Why don't you go get them?
Isabella Molina: Because if I'm wrong… then my entire cover is blown, understand?
Lee: How do I know I can trust you?
"Dude, just be glad that she didn't end up killing you and Carter. Plus, she has a thing for you." Sean said. "Also, one question: are the plates in the casino and he prints the money here and smuggles it to Hong Kong and they smuggle it to L.A. and they smuggle back to Vegas to launder it through the casino or does Reign takes the plates and smuggle it through customs and to Hong Kong and… is that how this shit works?"
Sean: (Narrating) Lee informs Carter that Isabella told him that the plates are in the soft count room but Carter is skeptical about helping Isabella because her last bit of help had them kidnapped. Lee insists on going forward with the plan, but if he's going to do it, then Carter's gotta help him out by making a big commotion at one of the tables to get security's attention as a distraction.
Carter: How come ain't no black people performing in this hotel? We ain't good enough for you people?
Red Dragon Pit Boss (Played by Gianni Russo): We got Lionel Richie performing here tonight.
Carter: Lionel Richie ain't been black since the Commodores, man.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Easy now, Carter. This is not the hill you want to die on, man. Trust me, I know. Just tone it down." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) While Carter is busy distracting the security, Lee manages to make it to the casino's back-end…
(Lee sees himself on one of the monitors as security spots him)
Sean: (Narrating) ...only for him to fuck it up.
"You know, for a cop, you sure are pretty stupid." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) He ends up getting caught by Hu Li as she sticks a Ying-Tao grenade in his mouth before taking him to see the mastermind of this overly convoluted smuggling operation and he is revealed to be…
(It's revealed that Ricky Tan is still alive as the Dun Dun Duuuun dramatic sound effect plays in the background)
"Oh, my God! It's Ricky Tan! What a surprise." Sean said in a deadpan tone.
Sean: (Narrating) So yeah, Ricky Tan is alive and yes, he faked his death on the yacht….
"Really? Like how many times have I seen this "He's Not Really Dead"-cliche in crime movies? That's like the biggest trope ever." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Not only that he betrayed Lee's father for money, he's noticing signs that his new partner Reign is being untrustworthy. So he leaves to deal with Reign while he leaves Hu Li to do whatever she wants, but then Isabella reveals herself as a Secret Service agent and attempts to arrest Hu Li.
"Yes, we already knew that she's a Secret Service agent. Can we trust her? Absolutely." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Lee dispatches Hu Li's men while Hu Li and Isabella have themselves a little catfight. Then, Hu Li kicks Lee out of the window where he falls down onto the casino floor as Carter sees this. Lee finds Carter fighting security guards while Hu Li and Isabella fight over a gun, which leads to Hu Li shooting Isabella. Oh, yeah. There is that little trouble with the bomb in Lee's mouth.
(After Carter pulls the tape off of Lee's mouth, Lee spits out the grenade seconds before Hu Li finds the trigger and detonates it)
"Man, I knew that when you always bet on black, it's explosive." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Lee reveals to Carter that Ricky Tan is alive and what his plans are, until Hu Li shows up to kill them, so Carter deals with Hu Li while Lee goes up to the penthouse to go after Ricky Tan. Carter fights Hu Li and she puts up one hell of a fight when she attacks Carter with a sword.
(Hu Li grabs another sword and stabs Carter with the sword at his heart. She pins him against a Chinese statue and kicks him, causing him to fall onto a statue, releasing a swinging halberd in it's hand which stabs her. Carter get up and sees that he's still alive, discovering that the dollar bills that he took as evidence saved him)
Carter: Thank you, Benjamin. (Kisses the dollar bills) Thank you.
"Aren't you glad that you took the money as evidence?" Sean asked.
Carter: (To Hu Li) We could have been a good couple. We could have had something special. But you one crazy-ass bitch!
"That's exactly what I said to my ex Mandy. She was insane." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Tan confronts Reign at the penthouse, where he's busy collecting the plates from his safe as Reign tells Ricky Boy that he's cutting their deal short and that he's keeping the plates. And Tan is taking it pretty well.
(Tan stabs Reign in the chest)
Ricky Tan: I hate that fortune-cookie shit.
"Only for Steven Reign to get a knife in the chest." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Lee confronts Tan and we get a tense standoff until Carter shows up.
Ricky Tan: Would you like me to tell you how your father died?
Carter: Hey, hey. Wait one second, Lee. It ain't worth it, man. He trying to trick you. Don't go too far, now.
Ricky Tan: He never begged for his life or tried to make a deal.
Carter: Put the gun down.
Ricky Tan: All he asked me… just seconds before I pulled the trigger… was that I promise not to kill you. Oh, it was so pathetic.
Carter: Oh, hell, no. He done went too far now. Shoot his ass right now, Lee. Shoot his ass!
Ricky Tan: What are you gonna do, Lee?
Carter: All you gotta do is pull that trigger back and bam!
"Carter, quiet!" Sean exclaimed.
Carter: If you ain't gonna shoot him, kung fu his ass or something!
Lee: Carter!
Sean: (Narrating) Ricky tries to kill Lee and Carter but Lee kicks Tan's ass out of the window, sending the Tan Man plummeting to his death and lands on a parked cab. By the way, get Budweiser. But then it's not over as the crazy-ass bitch Hu Li enters the room with a bomb as Lee and Carter leap out the window just as the bomb explodes, killing Hu Li and narrowly escaping the blast and avoid getting hit by trucks.
"Okay, that was pretty awesome and funny at the same time." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Agent Sterling thanks Lee for solving the case, Isabella thanks Lee but with a kiss. And it's time for Carter to head back to L.A. and Lee to head back to Hong Kong and Isabella heading to New York. Well…
Lee: I always wanted to go to Madison Square Garden see the Knicks play.
Carter: New York City?
Lee: First class.
Carter: The Plaza Hotel?
Lee: Maybe a little mu shu?
Carter: Amen to that, brother.
Lee: So, what do you say?
Carter: You know what, man? I could use another vacation.
(Carter chuckles and high fives Lee as the two of them start dancing to Michael Jackson's "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough")
"And while you're in New York City, head on down to Rockefeller Plaza and maybe you could check out the World Trade Center before… eh, nevermind Forget what I just said." Sean said.
(Clips from the movie are shown once more)
Sean: (Narrating) There are a few aspects that do come off like they're repeating some aspects of the first film. They put some new aspects in the movie as well. For what it's worth, it does have its moments. I laugh at some of the movie's funniest moments, I get pumped up while watching the action scenes and the I love Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker's banter. It's a pretty decent sequel that holds the basic themes of the first. It could be better, but it's done pretty well. Rush Hour 2 comes in at 4 smoking hot ladies in lingerie out of 5.
"That's all the time we have for tonight. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic and I'll see you guys next time." Sean said.
Mayhem Critic Tagline- This place is off the hook! I love Hong Kong.
And that's all for the review of Rush Hour 2 for The Mayhem Critic. Man, I had a lot of fun working on this review and yes, it's one of my favorite sequels of all time. If anyone haven't watched Rush Hour 2, then go check it out. It's on HBO Max. If anyone has seen the movie, then what did you think about the movie? Next time on The Mayhem Critic, Sean takes a look at the Top 11 Favorite Nostalgic TV Show Intros and he's not doing it alone. He's got Ryoma the Craze Critic to join him. After the Top 11 Favorite Nostalgic TV Show Intros, Sean returns as he reviews the notoriously bad Bill Cosby movie Leonard Part 6. Oh, boy. Not looking forward to reviewing that movie. Feel free to leave a review, add this story to your favorites and follow it for future updates. If there's any movie or TV show that you want me to review or if you want to do a co-review with me, feel free to PM me if you're interested. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.