A/n: In my defence for how late this chapter is, a lot has happened in my life recently. England made the finals for the UEFA Euros, one of my otp ship weeks is this week, and I did write this whole chapter beforehand only for me to hate it and rewrite half of it after some more planning. So in other words, I prioritised quality over quickness, so please don't hate me.

As I was writing, the story kind of got a little heavy. Tw for suicidal thought/ideation (not explicit but it's there in the way that there's 'Idc if I don't make it' and 'it would be better if I was dead' mindsets). Also, it's pretty heavily connected to Disadvantages of Caring, as there's a flashback to the events that happened there so if you haven't already, I highly recommend reading it because this chapter will make a whole lot more sense once you do. Enjoy ;)

Life had not been great lately.

Dick's life was never perfect to start with, but he'd been feeling especially shitty. It didn't help that it'd been a long while since he'd talked or met up with any of his friends or family even though he probably really should have after the first death.

The fact that he had to specify the 'first' in his mind made him feel slightly sick. Well, more sick. He was blatantly trying to ignore the fact that he was probably coming down with something but since he was too busy to take time to recover, he'd settled for denying it was happening until he could do something about it.

He yawned. He was exhausted, and sore. The past few nights had been long, working from before sundown to after sunrise to try and save as many people as he could from the violent new gang that was trying to make a name for themselves.

He hated to say it, but they were succeeding. They'd already killed three people - one of whom had been just a child, really, homeless and defenceless - and Nightwing had been helpless to do anything. This new gang had no mercy. If they encountered anyone on the streets, they either recruited them or killed them. He did what he could to make sure they didn't encounter anyone, but he wasn't enough. Their numbers were growing quick and he could only do so much.

He'd found a lead to their base though. A new recruit had been willing to give the information to Nightwing after some… convincing and negotiation. He'd had to pull in a few favours and add checking up on the guy once in a while to his already long list of things to do. It would all be worth it if he could just get these guys off the street.

There was no time to waste. He went for the base that night.

A mistake, as it turned out. It took a long while to take out all of the members himself, and he was a lot worse off for it, but he managed to disband the gang. Unfortunately, the problem didn't stop there. After interrogating the leader of the gang, he found out that the gang had been funded and created for one specific purpose.

To get Nightwing's attention. Which meant that all those deaths… all the terror that had been spread by the gang… it was all because of him. The past few days had all been his fault. Indirectly, but it still counted to Dick.

Suffice it to say, knowing that didn't make him feel the slightest bit better. In fact, it made him feel like maybe the city would be better off without him. If he hadn't been there in the first place, then sure there'd be a lot of gangs in Blüdhaven, but less dangerous ones. The corruption at the heart of Blüdhaven may still exist without him, but maybe it wouldn't be so prominent and willing to hurt innocents to get at him. Maybe he was doing more harm than good.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if this mission was his last…

So when he made the plan to go against the guy who'd created the gang to get his attention, he almost didn't call for backup. The only reason he did was to make sure the mission would succeed, that the boss would be taken down for good just in case Nightwing didn't make it - because he didn't have a plan to make it. He didn't have a plan at all, and that was so stupid, because why would he involve his brother if he didn't have a proper plan against a man who'd already proven himself to be ruthless?

What had happened next made sure that Dick would never make that same mistake again. They'd both been captured. Jason had gotten badly hurt, because of Dick, in more ways than one. Because Dick didn't trust himself to complete the job, because he wasn't good enough and did more harm than good by choosing another city to 'protect' but really to endanger. Because Dick depended so much on his family and friends that he dragged someone he cared deeply about and because he cared so much, that had been used against him and his brother had gotten hurt. He'd gone on this mission prepared to not make it, but he'd been a coward and Jason almost hadn't made it.

Then that stupid truth serum burned in his veins, making his already weak body even weaker so all his secrets would spill from his lips. Tried to make him admit his weaknesses - he knew Bruce knew them already, Tim and Alfred and Damian and Jason all knew he wasn't good enough even if they never said it out loud but he saw it, saw that his act wasn't working - and tried to tell his family that he'd failed to do the one thing they existed for - save people, he hadn't been able to save so many people, that woman, that man, that child, and Jason for the thousandth time. All the while, he'd been trying not to let slip why he'd really called in backup because he didn't need to worry them about him, he'd left to find independence because they had more things to worry about without having to take care of him, and hadn't the events of that night just proved that it was better for him to not care for anyone at all? For no one to care about him?

No one would get hurt if they cared about him. No one would come and be his backup if they didn't care about him so they wouldn't be kidnapped and tortured so Dick would give information to the stupid criminal. If Dick had just isolated himself from the beginning, truly been independent, then none of the world's criminals would so easily be able to break him - he hadn't broke, he'd fought so hard not to break but Jason paid for it every single time he said nothing, he should have just said something but then the whole world's pain would be because of him - and everything would be just fine without him.

Every withheld answer, even after they'd escaped and Jason was okay - Jason wasn't okay, he would never be okay, he'd always hate Dick and Dick knew that his brother had trauma and he'd been the one to trigger it this time, to create new trauma - he paid for every silence. Every question left unanswered made his body light on fire, his nerves and muscles fighting against him, his body not his own and he hated it and Tim was there and Damian and Bruce and he couldn't let them hear the answers to those questions - was he okay? Of course he wasn't, he wanted to die, he knew everything would be better if he died - and he couldn't let them see him so weak - he was the strong one, he had to be the strong one but it was all an act, he was the weakest of them all but they needed him to be the strong one so he never said anything and endured it all just so he could see their smiles even if inside a piece of him was dying.

Jason had asked a few wrong questions - Dick didn't blame him, after what he'd done to his brother, Jason was entitled to some revenge, he would never hold that against him - but Dick had been too weak and tired - he was so tired, so exhausted, in every possible way, every single day now and he just wanted a break but he could never take a break - and a few answers had slipped out. Jason knew that Dick hadn't been good enough to trust himself on a mission and Jason had trusted him too much to say no when his older brother had called but Dick knew that Jason would hate him now. Jason had every right to hate him and Dick would say nothing even if it killed him - but would letting it really kill him be so bad?

The serum had left his system a day or so after. He'd let Jason have his fun and even though Jason should hate him and had every right to ask the hardest questions, to find out Dick's deepest secrets - like he was a fraud, he knew they would all be better off with him dead, he was far from the perfect son or brother that they all believed him to be, that he'd made so many mistakes, let so many people die - when Dick would have been helpless to do anything but answer under the remnants of the serum, Jason had stuck with stupid questions more for his enjoyment and Dick's embarrassment than anything.

It'd only made Dick hurt more to see that Jason still cared for him so much after his actions, had gotten Jason injured, bedridden for two days and benched for more, all of it Dick's fault.

He felt even worse when he'd distanced himself from all of them after he went back home. He'd let their calls go to voicemail - stupid enough to still listen because he still wanted to hear their voices even if he didn't want to listen to their words - and left their texts on 'read' and kept himself too busy to do anything else. But it was necessary. Any time he felt bad, he remembered what had happened and he went back to work. He had to be better for this city. If he was to prove he had any worth, he had to work harder to take down any threats, especially the ones that were his fault. If that meant he barely ate or slept, then that was what he'd do. If that meant ignoring distractions or weaknesses - his family weren't weaknesses, they were his strength, but they were so easily used against him only for them to be harmed and he couldn't do that to them - then he'd do just that.

When Jason had contacted him, saying he had a lead on the truth serum, he'd been tempted to say no but he couldn't let Jason take that on himself and get hurt in the process. He couldn't let that truth serum be accessible to every two-bit thug to be used against his family because that loss of control of yourself, that pain, physical and mental and emotional, wasn't something he'd wish on anybody, especially not his family.

So he'd gone with Jason. Tried to distance himself even on the mission itself, just in case. But even then, Dick still wasn't good enough, because where were they both now?

Dick came to with a groan.

"Nightwing!"

His ears were ringing. He was on the ground, his body sore. It took him a few moments to remember why and what had happened, but once he did, he was quick to get back up.

"Nightwing!" Jason called again, busy fighting off two of the guards.

They'd managed to fight their way out of the security room after the guards had appeared right outside, changing their plan quickly to go through the facility and take out as many people as they could. Any scientists they encountered along the way were quickly tied up together and gagged, the more troublesome ones knocked out. So far, they'd made it across half the facility from Dick could tell, but by then, the alarm had been sounded and they'd run into a whole squad of guards. One of them had managed to knock him down by the looks of it, and one was getting up behind Jason, aiming a pistol at the vigilante.

He moved quickly. No one else was hurting his brother on his watch.

He grabbed his escrima from beside him on the ground, throwing it hard so it knocked the gun out of the goon's hand and then hit him in the head, the guy dropping like a stone. At the same time, he saw Jason look somewhere behind Dick and throw his own pistol, empty, but still perfectly capable of knocking down the guy who'd snuck up behind Dick with a knife.

There was no time for thanks.

Dick ran over to help Red Hood take down the few guys he was just finishing up with, not many more guards left in the room. Unconscious bodies littered the ground around them. Back to back, the two vigilante brothers quickly dealt with the remaining goons.

"You okay?" Jason panted, turning to look Dick over.

"Fine," Dick lied, ignoring the way the world span around him. "You?"

"Just great," Jason answered, rolling his shoulders back.

Marching footsteps sounded from the hallways.

"Shit."

"Ready for Round 2?" Dick grinned. Jason cracked his knuckles.

"Saves us having to go to them, so sure."

Lines of men filed in from every door, quickly setting up on the perimeter of the large room, guns trained on the two standing in the middle. These men were different from any of the guards they'd seen so far, however. Plain black masquerade masks covered all of their faces, at least thirty of them.

"Smoke bomb?" Dick whispered, and he felt Jason move to grab one from his jacket pocket but before he could do anything…

"I wouldn't try anything, if I were you." The man's voice echoed in the room. Two more men entered, no gun in hand as they split to each side of the doorway to let the man pass through.

The man was tall and thin, in a black pinstripe suit. Similar to his guards, the man also had a masquerade mask on his face, though this one was white and covered only the right side of his face.

"Make any move and my men shoot," the man continued. "And I would so hate to have to kill you before I can have a decent conversation with my first field-test subject." The man smiled cruelly as his eyes slid to Dick.

Dick's eyes widened, just the slightest bit. The man noticed.

"Oh yes," he said. "I know who's broken into my facility. I had hoped we would meet. I'm interested in any feedback you might have for me. How was my truth serum?"

Dick stayed silent, glaring at the man even as he fought to keep his breathing even. He felt Jason tense up beside him. The man frowned.

"Hmm, such a shame. I'd heard you had quite a 'big-mouth' but now I wonder if I won't have to administer it again just to get you to speak?"

Dick froze. Stupid mistake.

The man smiled again, even wider and crueler than before. "Oh, that got a reaction out of you," he murmured. "Good. I was starting to wonder if maybe my serum hadn't quite worked well enough to leave a lasting impression. Of course, even if that hadn't worked, I've been told that there are more effective ways to deal with you. I have a great many of concoctions to try, and here I have not only one," he paused, turning his attention to Jason. "But two test subjects available."

Not again, not again, notagainnotagain. Never. Again. He wasn't going to fail Jason again.

Dick moved quickly, lurching towards the man, escrima already halfway out of his hands… but the guards were quicker. The sound came much quicker than the pain.

"Nightwing." Jason caught Dick before he could fall, holding his older brother up. Dick looked down at his now-bloody side, fighting not to cry out when Jason guided Dick's hand to put pressure on the wound.

The man sighed. "Disappointing," he tutted. "What do I do with you two, now? We could have so much fun, but, on second thought," the man mused. "I have no doubt the rest of your little… family, is already on their way."

Both Jason and Dick stilled. Dick couldn't remember if Jason had managed to contact Oracle or not, but if this man was daring to threaten his family...

"Maybe if I wait for your backup, I can test out even more of my products. I am ready to take them to the market - just imagine what great advertising it would be if the whole Bat family was brought to their knees by my creations," the man grinned. "In the meantime, tie them up," he ordered his men and four of them complied, lowering their guns and moving forward.

There wasn't a lot of time to come up with a plan. They maybe had a chance to fight off these four and hope that the others wouldn't shoot while their own men were in the way but Dick was losing blood, fast. If anything went down, he wasn't sure he would be able to help.

Failure. You had to go get yourself shot and fail Jason again because the way you're losing blood, if Jason isn't holding you up, you'd fall. If he's busy holding your sorry ass up, then he can't do anything either and now you're both going to die and it's all your fault. And not only you two are going to die, but you're gonna be used as bait, and Bruce and Tim and Damian and Babs and Cass and Steph and all of your friends and family are going to come to try and save Jason - and you even if you don't deserve it - and they're all gonna pay for it because you failed.

He couldn't fail Jason again. If only one of them was making it out alive tonight, it would be his brother.

"Got any plans?" Jason whispered in his ear, still holding Dick up.

"I can buy us time to think of one," Dick whispered back, before straightening and trying to push Jason away even if standing on his own made his vision dark on the edges.

"Wait," Dick called out, and the four goons stupidly listened. "Are you sure you've thought this through?" Dick asked the man. "I mean, it's obvious you're new to this and I admire the ambition to try and 'take down the Bat family' when you don't even have a name. Or, do you have a name?"

He could almost feel Jason's confused look through the helmet, but he ignored it. He didn't know where he was going with this himself, but if he couldn't fight then he'd do use his other skill - talking.

The man was staring at Dick, also confused.

Good. Confused was good.

"See, because speaking from experience, if you're trying to sell something to instil terror into a city, you gotta have a good name. You know, like 'Joker venom' or 'Scarecrow's fear gas'. Masquerade Man's truth serum doesn't really have that ring to it." Dick paused, pretending to think while in reality he was trying to catch his breath.

The blood loss was starting to get to him, but he hadn't come up with a plan yet. He nudged Jason gently to ask if maybe his brother had come up with anything.

Jason just tapped Dick's elbow, but Dick had already seen it. Maybe it was a trick of the light, or maybe the blood loss was getting worse and he was seeing things in his darkening vision, but he had to hope. Jason had seen it too, and Jason was counting on him. They were counting on him, and if he failed them then it'd all be his fault and -

It really will be your fault if you start panicking and forget that you were supposed to be distracting the bad guys.

"Actually," Dick mused. "Masquerade Man might not be so bad… Red Hood, what do you think?"

Jason cracked his knuckled. "I think we've heard worse. Right, guys?"

"Enough!" Masquerade Man shouted, finally losing his cool. The four men advanced again, and the guns aimed at them again.

"You're right," a new voice said, one that Dick knew well. "That is enough."

The goons and Masquerade Man didn't have a chance once a Black Bat and a Robin dropped from the ceiling and joined the fight.

A/n:That felt so much better than what I wrote before and it'll be easier to move on from here so hopefully the next chapter won't take so long, (really sorry about that guys, I am). So this chapter had a bit more action and got a little more to the point of writing this story at all (how Dick was affected by the truth serum incident) which is good because I was starting to feel that bit was getting diluted when this fic became a multi-chapter mess in itself lol.

Anyway, hope you're enjoying it so far. I'd love to know your thoughts and feelings (maybe it'll motivate me to update quicker). The way it's going I think maybe one more chapter will finish it off, but until then, stay safe, be nice and see ya soon!

- CrowofArcadiaOaks