The Mayhem Critic
Aloha, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker and I am here to bring you the hilarious new chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Today, you're in for a real treat because Sean the Mayhem Critic is back with another installment of Sean's Story Arc and this time he's going to take a look at one of his favorite Disney shows from the 90s and that show is Darkwing Duck and he's going to take a look at the two-part pilot episode Darkly Dawns the Duck. So sit back, relax and grab yourself a cold one to drink. Here's the new chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Enjoy.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All rights belong to their respective sources. Darkwing Duck is owned by Walt Disney Television.
Episode 146
Darkwing Duck
(The intro to The Mayhem Critic begins)
After the intro ends, we open with our favorite residential critic Sean J. Archer, a.k.a. the Mayhem Critic, sitting on his couch in his living room. This time, he is seen wearing a Mickey Mouse hoodie, jeans and his signature white Adidas sneakers. After reviewing the notoriously bad movie The Room, he's now in his usual cheery self because today he's excited for the newest review.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one, and welcome back to another installment of Sean's Story Arc." Sean said.
(The intro to "Sean's Story Arc" is shown. P.S.: It's the same intro from the Gargoyles review)
"Have I talked about the Disney Afternoon yet? I haven't? Well, I guess it's a good time for me to talk about it." Sean said.
(Cut to pictures of Raven's Home, Bunk'd, Jessie, Lizzie McGuire, Jonas, Hannah Montana, Wizards of Waverly Place, A.N.T. Farm, Liv & Maddie, Bizaardvark and Dog With a Blog)
Sean: (Narrating) Man, Disney has come a long way, hasn't it? They had their ups and downs in terms of television. You have some shows that are good and popular and some that are just crap. But before these shows were born, let's jump back to the year 1990 and a certain children's programming block was born.
(The intro to The Disney Afternoon is shown followed by clips from different shows)
Sean: (Narrating) Okay, for all you youngsters that haven't heard of the Disney Afternoon, then let me tell you about it. The Disney Afternoon was a two-hour programming block that featured some of your favorite syndicated Disney cartoons. You have shows like Gummi Bears, Ducktales, Talespin, Chip 'N Dale Rescue Rangers, Goof Troop, Gargoyles. You name it. Yes, some of those shows were timeless while others… (A picture of Quack Pack is shown as well as a picture of Bonkers) …okay, I happen to enjoy Bonkers. Hell, Bonkers is a better show than Quack Pack. Plus, I was ticked that the Nostalgia Critic ripped on the show when he talked about it in his Disney Afternoon review. Yes, they've gave some of the most nostalgic shows from our childhood and we can recapture some of that magic on Disney Plus.
"Why am I talking about the Disney Afternoon? Well, I wanna talk about one of my favorite shows of all time. Um… DARKWING DUCK!" Sean exclaimed.
(Title screen for "Darkwing Duck" is shown followed by a montage of clips from the show while the theme song plays in the background)
Singers: Darkwing Duck! When there's trouble, you call DW. Darkwing Duck…
Sean: (Narrating) He is the terror that flaps in the night. He is the wrong number that wakes you at 3am! He is Darkwing Duck! Man, I fucking love this show. This is one of the most funniest cartoons that I've watched from my childhood. Also, it's one of my Mom's favorite cartoons as well. The show ran for three seasons from 1991 to 1992, this comedic superhero show was created by Tad Stones, who I talked about in my Return of Jafar review. So yeah, we can thank the man who created this awesome show. Today we're gonna ask the question, how well does this show hold up? Is it memorable as the character, or will it be forgettable like…
(A picture of Quack Pack is shown)
Sean: (Narrating) …ugh! I wish I could forget that damn show.
"Anyway, we're gonna take a look at the two-part pilot episode "Darkly Dawns the Duck" to see how well it holds up." Sean said.
(The Darkwing Duck intro plays as the song starts)
We cut back to Sean, who ends up making a satisfied groan from hearing the show's theme music.
"And I just came in my jeans so hard." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) As the show stars, and I have to admit that I get hyped as hell every time I watch an episode of the show. The theme song is the most catchiest theme ever.
Singers: Darkwing Duck! When there's trouble, you call DW…
Sean: (Narrating) It's the most awesome thing ever. Try watching this intro without singing the song, it's impossible to do so.
Sean: (Mouths the lyrics to the theme song) Cloud of smoke and he appears, the master of surprise. Who's that cunning mind behind that shadowy disguise? Nobody know for sure, but bad guys are out of luck. 'Cause here comes…
Singers: Darkwing Duck!
Sean: Look out!
Singers: When there's trouble, you call DW.
Sean: Darkwing Duck.
Singer: Let's get dangerous.
Sean: Darkwing Duck.
Singers: Better watch out, you bad boys!
Sean: Darkwing Duck!
(Darkly Dawns The Duck Part 1 begins)
Sean: (Narrating) After that awesome opening, we get our first episode "Darkly Dawns the Duck Part 1". Our story begins in the city of St. Canard and we get our little narration from our main hero himself Darkwing Duck, voiced by Jim Cummings.
Darkwing Duck (Voiced by Jim Cummings): (Narrating) This is the city of St. Canard. Like any other major metropolis, it has its problems with the criminal element.
(We see Darkwing Duck dropping off a group of criminals to the police)
Darkwing Duck: Another order of dastardly delinquents deposited on your doorstep, courtesy of Darkwing Duck.
"And immediately we see Darkwing Duck already operating around St. Canard like he's Batman." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) For those of you who owned the pilot episode of Darkwing Duck on VHS like me, we get a different opening animation chase sequence and we get to hear that awesome theme song again, and you know what? I'm okay with it. In the syndicated version, we just see him dropping off some criminals without seeing him chase them.
"It's like starting Batman off and we don't see Batman beating up on two criminals and all we see are those two guys being taken by the police." Sean said.
(A clip from Batman is shown)
Nic (Played by Christopher Fairbank): A bat! A giant bat!
Darkwing Duck: (To the cop) That's two words, not three. Both "D's" capitalized. Here's my photo. If the papers need more glossies, my number's on the card. (Laughs) Now, I must go. (Sniffs) The scent of crime is in the air.
(Darkwing Duck leaves the police station. The sound of crickets chirping are heard and he sees that there's nobody outside the station taking photos and interviewing him)
Darkwing Duck: So where's the press? I thought this was the age of media glut. Where's the Action News van when you need them? And I spent all afternoon ironing this cape.
"I think the press are more interested in other things. They just saw a guy trying to run out of the courthouse and he ends up getting caught. He did all that just because he wants his face on the news." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) I just love the fact that this is a main character that who's not doing this crime fighting stuff just because he thought it was right. He's just doing it for fame and fortune. (Pictures of Hades, Gaston and Captain Hook are shown) I know we've seen some villains who are egotistical and funny. But here, this is a hero who's always full of himself and he's constantly looking for attention. He's 100% egotistical… and I love it. Anyway, DW returns to his secret lair, which is at the top tower of a bridge and before he goes to bed, he has one thing on his mind…
Darkwing Duck: Breakfast. All righty. Stay sharp, stay fit, stay fed. (Hits the timer and runs quickly) Go.
(A drawer opens, firing utensils as Darkwing Duck catches them)
Darkwing Duck: Ya-ha! He-he! Ho-ho! (A plate flies into his mouth) Uh!
(DW spits the plate out on the table, then he quickly makes a run for it as cereal pours into a turret. The machine gun turret fires the cereal as DW catches the cereal in a bowl, then sits it on the table before he runs past the refrigerator. The refrigerator door opens up, revealing the barrel of a double-barreled shotgun, which fires two eggs at a cast iron skillet)
"Wow, that's the most exciting and dangerous way to make breakfast." Sean said.
Darkwing Duck: (After he stops the timer) Yes. A new world's record! Everything a champion needs for breakfast. Except the milk.
(The refrigerator is launched up into the air and lands on DW. The refrigerator door opens up as a dazed DW pours some milk into his bowl of cereal)
Darkwing Duck: I always forget the milk.
"Hmm, I guess it's better than the way Rachael Leigh Cook makes breakfast." Sean said.
(Cut to the "This Is Your Brain on Drugs" PSA featuring Rachael Leigh Cook)
Rachael Leigh Cook: (Holds an egg) This is your brain. (She then holds up a frying pan) And this… is heroin. (Sits the egg down on the counter) This is what happens to your brain after snorting heroin.
(Rachael smashes the egg into pieces with the bottom of the frying pan)
Darkwing Duck: (While getting ready for bed) There's not a street punk in this city that isn't afraid of Darkwing Duck. (Lies down on the bed) Ah! I just wish I could get a shot at a really big-time criminal.
Sean: (Narrating) And it looks like DW's wish has been granted, as we cut to the main villain of the episode, a dangerous criminal by the name of Taurus Bulba, voiced by…
(The "Hallelujah Chorus" from Handel's Messiah plays in the background as we hear Tim Curry as the voice of Taurus Bulba)
Taurus Bulba (Voiced by Tim Curry): Let me understand this, Hammerhead. You and your associates are questioning my plans?
Hammerhead Hannigan (Voiced by Hal Rayle): Gee, boss, no. Well, sorta. It's just that the boys and I were wondering if we couldn't wait till the train stops before we steal the Ramrod.
Taurus Bulba: Oh! You mean when the army takes control of the weapon with its tanks and Jeeps and hundreds of guards?
Hammerhead Hannigan: Uh, yeah… (Stuttering) I guess we didn't think of that.
"You know, either a television show or a movie can be awesome when you put Tim Curry in it." Sean said with a smile on his face.
Sean: (Narrating) Yes, out of all of the villains in this show, he's one of my favorite villains ever. Not because he's the best villain ever, it's because he's the villain voiced by Tim fuckin' Curry. (Pictures of Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, Ferngully: The Last Rainforest, The Shadow, Legend, Charlie's Angels and Stephen King's It are shown) Still making everything awesome with his Curriness.
Taurus Bulba: (Grabs Hammerhead by his neck) That's because I am the brain, and you are the stooge.
"Okay, I know that I love chicks and I have a girlfriend, but hearing him speak in a German accent sounds sexy." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Bulba sends his henchmen Hammerhead Hannigan voiced by Hal Rayle, Hoof and Mouth voiced by Eddie Deezen, to steal a super weapon known as the Ramrod from off of a military train. But his secretary Clovis, voiced by Marcia Wallace, warns him that the Warden is coming, so he sends them off to do this one job. And I just love how he turns his office into a jail cell. This guy's got some real class.
Warden Waddlesworth (Voiced by Laurie Faso): Well, Taurus Bulba. I trust you're still enjoying your stay in prison?
(Bulba is seen relaxing on the bottom bunk bed)
Taurus Bulba: It's peaceful. No one bothers me. Actually, it suits my business needs perfectly.
(The Warden makes a confused look)
"Business? What does he mean by that? Oh, nevermind. I'm just a stupid old warden in this episode." Sean said, imitating Warden Waddlesworth.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Darkwing Duck is busy watching over the city to look for some criminals doing bad things, until he ends up spotting Taurus Bulba's pet condor named Tantalus flying past him while holding a large trunk. So he hops onto his motorcycle and follows it while Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth hop onto the train and steal the guards' uniforms.
Mouth (Voiced by Eddie Deezen): Hey, Hammerhead, ain't we cute in our soldier suits?
Hammerhead Hannigan: Oh, yeah. A couple of five-star generals. Just watch out for trouble. (Looks at the lock) Hmm. This shouldn't be too hard.
(Hammerhead breaks the lock with his horns)
Sean: (V/O as Hammerhead) Well, that was easy as hell. Come on! Give me something harder to unlock!
Sean: (Narrating) Hammerhead locates the Ramrod just as soon as Darkwing Duck hops on the train and he recognizes Bulba's goons, which is time for DW to spring into action and getting a shot at dealing with some big-time criminals and we get one of his signature catchphrases.
Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the switch that derails your train. I am Darkwing… Du- (Gulp)
(Hoof and Mouth shoot at Darkwing Duck with their machine guns)
Mouth: You think he's dead? I think he is dead. You think he is dead? He must be dead.
(Darkwing Duck appears from behind Hoof and Mouth)
Darkwing Duck: Sorry. I'm fine, but you two are taking a turn for the worse.
Sean: (Narrating) Darkwing Duck tries to apprehend Hoof and Mouth, but a train conductor thinks that he's trying to rob the train and DW, being the glory-hogging moron that he is, takes in the opportunity to get a photo op.
Darkwing Duck: How's this? It's not too pretentious, I hope.
(Darkwing Duck poses for the camera as the conductor takes a photo of him)
"Yeah, I'm sure that he won't take these photos to the police and the press to make it look like that you're robbing the train. Boy, this is the dumbest thing that you've ever done in this show. Now that I think about it, he's done a lot of stupid shit on this show." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Hammerhead headbutts Darkwing Duck and they take off with the train carrying the weapon, so DW pursues them with his grappling hook until Tantalus cuts off the rope, causing him to fall and crash land in the hangar of a returning character from another Disney show.
Launchpad McQuack (Voiced by Terrence McGovern): Hold it right there, you pirate!
Darkwing Duck: No, no, no, I'm not a…
(Launchpad tackles Darkwing)
Launchpad McQuack: Nobody, but nobody messes with the airplanes in my hangar, or my name isn't Launchpad McQuack.
(Launchpad falls into the hole that Darkwing left on the ground)
"Hey, it's our favorite pilot who loves to crash into stuff Launchpad McQuack from Ducktales." Sean said.
(The Ducktales theme plays in the background)
Sean: (Narrating) Yes, we see returning Ducktales character Launchpad McQuack, voiced by Terrence McGovern. And yes, we see that he's no longer working for Scrooge McDuck and left Duckberg, so he moved to St. Canard and he has his own airfield. Also, he's Darkwing Duck's biggest fan.
Darkwing Duck: A fan? Really? (Clears throat) I mean, really?
Launchpad McQuack: Sure! What are you doing here?
Darkwing Duck: Oh, just another stopover in my never-ending fight against… (Sees Launchpad's plane) Oh! You're a pilot! We can use this plane to catch those crooks!
"Are you sure that you want to be flying in a plane with this guy, Darkwing? Do you even know his history of crashing into stuff? I mean, it's like flying in a plane with Harrison Ford… it's a bad idea." Sean said.
(A clip from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade plays)
Henry Jones Sr. (Played by Sean Connery): I didn't know you could fly a plane.
Indiana Jones (Played by Harrison Ford): Fly yes. Land no.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, Darkwing and Launchpad go after the flying wagon, but Bulba's pet condor picks him up and tries to kill him by dropping him. Luckily, Launchpad comes back and rescues him and the condor chase them until Launchpad does his quick impersonation of Harrison Ford flying a plane and crashes.
Darkwing Duck: They… they got away.
Launchpad McQuack: Uh, can't argue that point, D.W. So what do we do next?
Darkwing Duck: We? We do nothing. I work alone.
Launchpad McQuack: But I could be your sidekick.
Darkwing Duck: Singing cowboys have sidekicks. I rely on me. Nobody but me. Got that?
Launchpad McQuack: (Grabs Darkwing's leg) Oh, please, please, please…
Darkwing Duck: I'll make this clear for you, I never want to see you again, ever! (Releases from Launchpad's grip)
Launchpad McQuack: (Sniffles) Ok. So, uh… Do you want my phone number?
"If I can't be your sidekick, then maybe we can hang out for a beer and go down to the strip club and look at some duck tits." Sean said, imitating Launchpad.
Sean: (Narrating) Back in prison, Taurus Bulba is busy doing laundry while the warden is oblivious to the fact that there's a giant fucking laser in the laundry room. How dumb is this guy? Hell, Leo Glynn from Oz is a better warden than this jackass.
(A clip from Oz is shown)
Warden Leo Glynn (Played by Ernie Hudson): Here's what I want you to do: change out of your uniform and then GET THE FUCK OUT OUT OF MY PRISON!
Sean: (Narrating) After Warden McDumbass leaves, Bulba talks to his henchmen about using the Ramrod weapon, but the weapon is useless without the arming code. Why?
Taurus Bulba: Someone arranged an accident for Professor Waddlemeyer last year, before I could learn it.
Hammerhead Hannigan: (Turns to Hoof and Mouth) You idiots! I told you to…
"Wow, you guys are complete idiots. What did you guys do? What did your gun go off and you shot Professor Waddlemeyer in the face like friggin' Pulp Fiction or did you drop him off a 40-story construction site to interrogate him for the code. Can you imagine something like that happening in the mafia?" Sean asked.
(Cutaway Gag Starts)
(We see Sean and Brian playing mobsters while Brian's brother Adam is playing a scientist who's tied to a chair)
Sean: Alright, Dr. Puckett. You're gonna tell me what the code is.
Adam: If I tell you, then you'll kill me.
Sean: Don't worry, we won't kill you. Just tell us what the code is and we'll let you go home safely to your family. I promise you.
Adam: Okay, okay. (Sighs) Here it is. The code is 871…
(Brian accidentally shoots Adam)
Sean: What the? Freddie!
Brian: Oops!
Sean: Freddie, you just… you just shot the good doctor, you idiot!
Brian: I'm sorry, Sammy. I was busy cleaning my gun and I forgot that there were bullets in the gun. I thought I took them out.
Sean: Now how am I gonna get the money out of the safe if I don't know the code. You nub!
Brian: I'm not a nub!
(Cutaway Gag Ends)
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, he sends his henchmen over to St. Canard Orphanage to kidnap his granddaughter since she was his only family and she knows the code.
Mrs. Cavanaugh (Also voiced by Marcia Wallace): You know her and you willingly came to visit?
Hammerhead Hannigan: Oh yeah, I'm an old friend of the family's. See? That's me in the background there.
Mrs. Cavanaugh: (Looks at the photo) Um, actually it looks like a grape jelly stain.
"I was eating a piece of toast with grape jelly on it. Some of it got on the photo. I'm a very messy eater.." Sean said, imitating Hammerhead.
(Mrs. Cavanaugh ducks down as a hockey puck flies through the window and hits Hammerhead in the head)
Gosalyn (Voiced by Christine Cavanaugh): Coming through! All right. Play it where it lays.
Sean: (Narrating) The late Christine Cavanaugh voices Gosalyn, Professor Waddlemeyer's granddaughter and she's a bit of a troublemaker. So, what happened to her parents?
(A clip from Batman is shown as we see a young Jack Napier shooting Bruce's parents)
"Yeah, probably suffered the same fate as Thomas and Martha Wayne." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Bulba's goons try to kidnap Gosalyn, but then Darkwing Duck swoops in to save her.
Darkwing Duck: Never fear, little miss, Darkwing Duck has you now.
(Gosalyn punches Darkwing in the stomach and puts his hat down over his face)
Darkwing Duck: I'm not one of the bad guys!
Gosalyn: Yeah, right! With a mask.
(Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth start shooting at Darkwing and Gosalyn while chasing them)
Darkwing Duck: I take it you're convinced now? Stay down. I have a little surprise for them.
(Darkwing dumps oil out of his motorcycle and onto the road, causing Bulba's goons to spin out of control)
Sean: (V/O as Hammerhead) Drat! We've been foiled by Valvoline!
Sean: (Narrating) During the chase, Launchpad comes across Darkwing and Gosalyn and also the cops as they start shooting at them, mostly because that they think that he robbed the military train. And on top of all that hilarity, Hammerhead shoots at them with a cannon. So, now it's time for Plan B.
Darkwing Duck: Drastic times call for drastic action. How are you at holding your breath?
Launchpad McQuack: Don't do it, D.W. It's a dead end.
(Darkwing jumps into the harbor as well as Launchpad)
Sean: (Narrating) So Darkwing and Gosalyn make their escape and they hide out at his lair, with Gosalyn still excited about hanging out with a superhero.
Gosalyn: Why can't I just stay here? We make a great team.
Darkwing Duck: I am not a team. I'm sorry, but you'd just be- Don't touch that!
(Gosalyn pulls the lever that activates a laser that zaps Darkwing)
Darkwing Duck: See? Little things like that tend to cramp my style. Where's my phone book? I'll find you a hotel or something. Maybe the animal shelter has an opening.
Gosalyn: Well. I suppose I could leave, but then I might let it slip where a certain masked avenger hangs out.
Darkwing Duck: You wouldn't!
Gosalyn: Hey! I'm a kid, I'm supposed to be irresponsible.
"She's got you there, D.W. The 90s is full of irresponsible children in movies and television. Take a look at Camp Nowhere and House Arrest. These are two movies with irresponsible children in it." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So Darkwing let's Gosalyn stay in his lair to keep her safe. Meanwhile, Bulba is angry at his henchmen for losing Gosalyn. He escapes prison in his flying bull's head ship and goes after Darkwing Duck and Gosalyn.
Taurus Bulba: It's time I met this Darkwing Duck.
("Darkly Dawns the Duck Part II" begins)
Sean: (Narrating) So that wraps up the first episode as we enter "Darkly Dawns the Duck Part II". We see that Darkwing and Gosalyn are still laying low in his hideout while he figures out his next course of action, while Gosalyn makes some trouble.
(Gosalyn sees the timer sitting on the kitchen table)
Gosalyn: A radio. Let's have some tunes. (Starts the clock)
Darkwing Duck: Yeow! What are you doing?
Gosalyn: Turning on the radio?
"I just wanna listen to We Don't Talk About Bruno. I love that song." Sean said, impersonating Gosalyn.
(The kitchen drawer launches the plate and utensils as Darkwing grabs Gosalyn and dodges the flying items)
Darkwing Duck: That's not a radio.
(The plate flies right into Darkwing's mouth)
Gosalyn: Keen geer! This is some kind of training course, huh?
(A clip from Spies Like Us is shown)
Colonel Rhombus (Played by Bernie Casey): We do it a bit differently… we've added the element of scorched Earth.
(Everything starts exploding around the soldiers throughout the training grounds, then we cut back to the show as the machine gun turret starts firing cereal at Gosalyn while Darkwing catches the cereal in a bowl)
Darkwing Duck: You might say that.
Gosalyn: Let me try.
Sean: (Narrating) Gosalyn beats Darkwing's time and yet he still gets smushed by the refrigerator when she forgets the milk. And she asks him about his mask.
Gosalyn: How come you wear a mask?
Darkwing Duck: Because there is nothing so terrifying to the criminal mind as the unknown. I am the thing that goes "bump" in the night. I'm the neurosis that requires a $500-an-hour shrink!
Gosalyn: You mean you don't take off your mask for anyone?
Darkwing Duck: That's right. Not no one. Not ever.
Gosalyn: What about a really, really, really close friend?
Darkwing Duck: Well, uh, maybe, uh… someday.
Gosalyn: (Breaks the fourth wall) Hey, it's a start.
"Yeah, I'm sure that Batman never takes off his mask for anyone… except for that time when he was getting chased by the cops and he used his cape and cowl as a decoy and he did it for a good reason." Sean said, referring to the movie Batman: Mask of the Phantasm.
Sean: (Narrating) As Darkwing gets Gosalyn ready for bed, she tells him that the Waddlemeyer Ramrod is a device that disrupts gravitational bonds on a molecular level that allows manipulation on a macro scale.
(A clip from the iCarly video Wake Up Spencer is shown)
Sam Puckett (Played by Jennette McCurdy): Freddie's a nerd.
Gosalyn: I think it makes things float and stuff.
(Cut back to the clip from Wake Up Spencer)
Sam Puckett: A nerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd.
Sean: (Narrating) She shows Darkwing a picture of her and her grandfather and the two start to bond when Gosalyn couldn't sleep, so she wants Darkwing to sing a lullaby to her which is a lullaby that her grandfather used to sing to her.
Gosalyn: (Sings) Close your eyes, little girl blue. Inside of you, lies a rainbow. Yellow, blue, red, blue, purple too. Blue, purple and green then be yellow.
Darkwing Duck: (Breaks the fourth wall) Not much on lyrics. (To Gosalyn) Let me try. (Sings) Rest your head, little girl blue. Come paint your dreams on your pillow. I'll be near, to chase away fear. So sleep now and dream till tomorrow. (Continues to sing until Gosalyn falls asleep) I'll be near to chase away fear. So sleep now and dream till tomorrow. Goodnight, Gosalyn.
"Awwww, that's very sweet. Hey, I know some very naughty lullabies. But I'm not gonna tell it to ya because I wanna keep it at a T-rating.
Sean: (Narrating) And immediately, Darkwing makes a discovery that the lyrics to the lullaby contains the code to arm the Ramrod.
Darkwing Duck: She's had the arming code all along and never even knew it. And for her sake, it better stay that way.
(Darkwing sees a light flashing outside)
Darkwing Duck: Lightning without thunder.
"Oh, my God. I think these were the original lyrics to the Imagine Dragons song Thunder." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Taurus Bulba tries to lure Darkwing out of hiding by using morse code to send a message to Darkwing promising surrender to him. Genius plan and all, but what if Darkwing doesn't know morse code? Hell, he could be sleeping with a boy scout handbook underneath his pillow.
(Darkwing pulls out his boy scout handbook from underneath his pillow)
Darkwing Duck: Whew. I'm glad I saved this.
Sean: (Narrating) You have got to be friggin' kidding me. He sleeps with a boy scout handbook underneath his pillow? What else does he have underneath his pillow, ideas for dirty Creddie fanfics that he wrote in his notebook?
(Cutaway Gag Starts)
Sean: (as Darkwing Duck) Alright, let's see what kind of ideas I could write for iCarly fanfiction to build up the Creddie fanbase. Hmm, I haven't written about Carly and Freddie having hot, passionate sex in the shower. Ooh, I'll add that next to the idea where Freddie calls out Carly's name while he's having sex with Pearl and one where Freddie proving to Carly is to solidify their relationship is by having a kid with her. Yeah, that one will work. (Writes in his notebook) Aha! I am such a clever genius.
(Cutaway Gag Ends)
Sean: (Narrating) But luckily, Darkwing knows morse code so he writes down the message, but Gosalyn senses something's fishy about this situation.
Gosalyn: Uh, but that doesn't make sense. He just escaped.
Darkwing Duck: Ha! Yeah, Gosalyn, Gosalyn, Gosalyn. It is obvious that he's had a chance to talk to his men about me.
Gosalyn: Yeah, right, but seriously, you told me Taurus Bulba was a criminal genius. Why would he surrender to you?
"Because Darkwing Duck is a complete doofus and he's gonna end up falling for it." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Darkwing heads out while Taurus Bulba sends his men out to the bridge to capture Gosalyn. Meanwhile, Darkwing arrives on the roof of Canard Tower and meets up with Taurus Bulba to take him in.
Taurus Bulba: Please accept my apologies.
Darkwing Duck: Well, OK, but next time you… (Looks shocked and turns around to see Bulba) Taurus Bulba! How did you- Where, um… I am the terror that flaps in the night. I'm the surprise in your cereal box. I am, I am-
Taurus Bulba: Yes, yes, I know. I heard. You're Darkwing Duck.
Darkwing Duck: Uh, yeah. That's- Yeah.
Taurus Bulba: (Laughs) Your ego is out of control, isn't it?
Darkwing Duck: What?
Taurus Bulba: I mean seriously. Why would I surrender to you?
Darkwing Duck: Because I have your men on the run?
(Taurus Bulba laughs)
"You think I can surrender to you? Don't be ridiculous. I'm Tim Curry! I'm playing the bad guy with horns just like the Lord of Darkness from Legend." Sean said, imitating Taurus Bulba.
Sean: (Narrating) So yeah, Darkwing falls for Bulba's little trap and the cops arrive as Bulba frames him for the train robbery.
Taurus Bulba: I'd love to stay, but I have a date on a bridge with a little girl.
Sean immediately does a spit take while drinking a glass of water from hearing Bulba's line.
Taurus Bulba: I'd love to stay, but I have a date on a bridge with a little girl.
"That's something that I would never hear coming out of Tim Curry's mouth. Hell, and I thought Brad Dourif's line from Child's Play was bad enough." Sean said.
(A clip from Child's Play is shown)
Chucky (Voiced by Brad Dourif): I've got a date with a six-year-old boy.
(Cut back to the show)
Taurus Bulba: I'd love to stay, but I have a date on a bridge with a little girl.
(The cops tackle Darkwing to the ground and arrest him)
Darkwing Duck: No, don't! He's getting away! GOSALYN!
(A clip from Batman: Mask of the Phantasm is shown)
Batman (Voiced by Kevin Conroy): ANDREA!
(A clip from A Streetcar Named Desire is shown)
Stanley Kowalski (Played by Marlon Brando): STELLA!
(A clip from the movie Grim Weekend a.k.a. S.I.C.K. is shown)
Brandon Walker (Played by Ken Hebert): SUSAN!
(A clip from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan is shown)
Admiral James T. Kirk (Played by William Shatner): KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
(A clip from The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings is shown)
Frodo Baggins (Played by Elijah Wood): GANDALF!
(A clip from Seinfeld is shown)
George Costanza (Played by Jason Alexander): TWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIX!
"OKAY! OKAY! Will everyone just shut up?" Sean asked, getting irritated. "Jesus."
Sean: (Narrating) Back with Gosalyn, Bulba's men climb up the bridge to try to capture her, but Gosalyn gives them the upper hand with the most important meal of the day.
(Gosalyn starts the timer as the utensils start flying directly at Hoof and Mouth. Hoof gets pinned to the cabinets and ducks his head down just as the plate flies right towards him)
Hammerhead Hannigan: Where'd she go?
Gosalyn: Eat fiber, horn head!
(Gosalyn shoots at Hammerhead and Mouth with the cereal turret)
Sean: (V/O as Hammerhead) Quick! Take cover! She trying to kill us with Cheerios!
Gosalyn: (Sees that the turret is out of cereal) Uh-oh!
Hammerhead Hannigan: Now we got you.
(A cannon fires oranges at the thugs. Then, the floorboard opens as fire shoots up, causing them to fly up and land on the floor until the refrigerator launches up into the air and crashes down on them)
Gosalyn: Ha! Wait till you see what we're having for lunch.
"Yeah, I'm kinda in the mood for goat, ram and horse. Which is also called the Monday Special." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But then, Tantalus swoops in and grabs Gosalyn and brings her to Taurus Bulba. Meanwhile, Darkwing Duck is sitting in jail because he should've listened to Gosalyn instead of him being an idiot and falling for that trap. Then, Launchpad breaks him out of jail and they must come up with a plan to rescue Gosalyn since Taurus Bulba has her in his airship and Launchpad has just the thing.
(Darkwing and Launchpad are flying in the Thunderquack)
Darkwing Duck: I love this! It even looks like me.
Launchpad McQuack: Oh, boy! I told you I was your biggest fan. I've been working on it for a year. I call it the Thunderquack.
Darkwing Duck: I call it sensational.
(A clip from Batman: The Animated Series is shown)
Sean: (V/O as Batman) I call it copyright infringement, scumwad.
Sean: (Narrating) Darkwing makes Launchpad his sidekick and the two of them make it to Bulba's airship and he makes it inside to deal with some of his goons, but ends up getting captured. You know, for a superhero, you're not that really bright.
Gosalyn: I'm sorry, Darkwing. If they hadn't caught me, you wouldn't have risked your life.
Darkwing Duck: Gos, before I met you, I didn't have a life worth risking.
(Gosalyn hugs Darkwing, he hugs her back)
"Awww, isn't that adorable? Oh, well. It's too bad that you're both going to die." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So, Bulba sets up the Ramrod at the top of Canard Tower and he threatens to drop Gosalyn for the code.
Darkwing Duck: Bring her down!
Taurus Bulba: In a second, just give me the code.
Darkwing Duck: She never told me any code.
Taurus Bulba: Hmm. That's a real possibility, but I've always considered myself a gambling man.
(Bulba nods at Tantalus as the condor drops Gosalyn and Darkwing runs over to catch her)
Darkwing Duck: No! I'll tell!
(We cut to Tantalus, who swoops down to catch Gosalyn. But instead of him catching her, the scene cuts to black and we hear a squishing sound)
Darkwing Duck: GOSALYN!
Sean: (Narrating) Okay, okay, okay. That didn't happen. Instead, Darkwing uses the code to arm the weapon and we see Bulba's dastardly plan.
Taurus Bulba: (Aims the Ramrod at the federal gold depository) As planned, I have a perfect shot at the federal gold depository.
(Bulba fires the Ramrod at the federal gold depository and steals the gold)
"Wait, wait, wait. So this was your whole plan after all? You plan to use the Ramrod to steal gold and rob St. Canard dry? Why don't you use the Ramrod to rob Scrooge McDuck's money bin? That rich bastard has tons of gold coins in there. He won't miss it." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Bulba orders Tantalus to drop Gosalyn, but luckily Launchpad is there to catch her safely. Well, it's time for your signature catchphrase, D.W.
Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night!
Taurus Bulba: (Points) There! Shoot the smoke!
(Hannigan shoots at the smoke)
Darkwing Duck: I am the chill that runs up your spine! I am Darkwing Duck!
"Never gets old." Sean chuckled.
Sean: (Narrating) Darkwing causes the Ramrod to overload by pressing a few buttons like George Jetson by making some of Bulba's minions to float away while Launchpad and Gosalyn drop that demonic condor by biting it's butt and the Ramrod shoots at Bulba's airship and we get this funny line from his secretary.
Clovis (Voiced by Marcia Wallace): Uh, Mom was right. I should have been a dental hygienist.
"Oh, don't worry. At least you'll have a better job at teaching a class that contains a mischievous little troublemaker." Sean said, referencing The Simpsons.
Darkwing Duck: I think this is where the hero makes his dramatic exit.
Taurus Bulba: (Grabs Darkwing Duck) I underestimated you once, Darkwing Duck. This time you simply die.
(The Ramrod explodes while Darkwing and Bulba are locked in combat. The explosion engulfs the rooftop)
Gosalyn: No! He couldn't be.
"Oh, I'm sure that they'll be alright, especially Bulba. He comes back later on as Steerminator." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Gosalyn returns to the orphanage and she is depressed about Darkwing Duck perishing in the explosion, and also adoption day because nobody would adopt her, but luckily she perks up when she hears a familiar voice.
Drake Mallard: That's just a little kitchen accident. Ha ha! I have trouble making breakfast. I always forget the milk.
(Drake pulls the bandages over his eyes for Gosalyn to recognize him)
Mrs. Cavanaugh: Well, I'm sorry that Gosalyn-
(Gosalyn runs towards Drake and hugs him after knocking him down to the floor)
Sean: (Narrating) It's just Darkwing's mild-mannered alter ego Drake Mallard and he adopts Gosalyn as his daughter and he has Launchpad as his sidekick. And they all live happily ever after, (Pictures of villains like Negaduck, Tuskernini, Bushroot, The Liquidator, Megavolt, Quackerjack and Steelbeak are shown) and there's a bunch of rogues gallery of villains to deal with later on in the show. Oh, enough about that, let's listen to the theme song!
(The Darkwing Duck logo is shown while the theme plays)
"So that was the Darkwing Duck story arc. Does it still hold up? Well, not only does it hold up, but it really holds up." Sean said.
(Footage from the show play once more)
Sean: (Narrating) Yes, I know that the idea about an egotistical superhero sounds silly, but it does its job. The villains are creative and funny, the characters are memorable, the animation is top-notch and the writing is hilarious. The show is entertaining and hilarious and if you haven't gotten a chance to check it out, then go on Disney Plus and check it out. You won't be disappointed and you'll get a great laugh. Darkwing Duck gets 5 overloading Ramrod weapons out of 5.
"That's all the time we have for today. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic and… it's time for me to fix some breakfast." Sean said before he leaves the room.
Mayhem Critic Tagline- Let's get dangerous.
And that is all for another installment of Sean's Story Arc for The Mayhem Critic. I hope that you all enjoyed it. And yes, I'm finishing this chapter up while I'm recovering from a mini cold that I had Saturday. Don't worry, it's nothing too serious. I don't have the you-know-what. Anyway, next time on The Mayhem Critic, Sean returns to the wonderful world of Star Trek when he takes a look at his favorite entry in the Star Trek film series. And that's Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, a sequel that renewed the franchise and fans consider this to be the best film in the Star Trek series. But, how well does it hold up 40 years later? Don't forget to review this chapter, add it to your favorites and follow it for future updates. I'll see you guys next time for the next chapter. Till next time, my fellow readers.