I wasn't sure how long I had been curled up in my bathtub. But who really cared in the end. Glancing down at the blood on my arms with a deep sigh. A new routine to become many, trying to forget about the pain, to forget... about her. But that's one goal in mind I know I could never achieve. Not to sound cheesy, but Erza was practically my lifeline, the only thing to keep me going in this world. I loved my parents dearly to the bottom of my heart, especially my father Igneel. But... nothing could replace how she made me feel.
A sigh escapes my lip as I slowly climb out of the bathtub, rinsing away the excess blood that stained the porcelain tub in crimson. Pulling myself to the mirror, my hands root around in the coverts in front of me, fishing for a first aid kit. Finally, after needless searching I find what I'm looking for, opening a small red box.
Slowly I pull out a package of gauz wrapping it around my arms with emotionless eyes. The many wounds I've inflicted upon myself became many over the years.. it was the only thing that proved I was even alive when all I felt was numb to the core. I still remember waking up in the hospital after the accident, being told my parents were killed, and I was the only one to survive in this heĺlish traumatic event.
My body was covered in many cuts all over my arms, chest and cheeks. A hand slowly trails along the scar that stopped below my eye. It was a constant reminder the world I lived in was not just a dream, it was real... it was fucking real when I begged, I cried, I screamed to whatever damn god that would listen to me. Sadly... I never got a response, realizing how lonely I've become in my life.
A lot of family I had were long gone, including my older brother Zeref... someone who I looked up to the most in my life. He always had a head on his shoulders compared to me in all honesty. But... I guess the world said it was his time to go. He had grown ill in his head, believing things that were never real, suffering from many nightmares that came, infecting his brain to the point we... we had lost him. The one person I wished to be here to get me through this when it counted... gone, all of them... gone...
I'm so lost in my thoughts I don't even notice that I finished wrapping my bloody arms, wrapping way above my arms with a deep grumble. "Damn it..." I slowly fix my mistake, putting everything away.
My hands fumble with my clothing, slipping them on with no real purpose. I glance down at my phone, checking the time with a deep sigh.
6:30...
Time to head to my first day of a new school.. so many friends I had left behind, Erza... Gulping down the tears with a heavy breath, I shake my head, leaving the bathroom to throw on my black hoodie that hugged onto my slimly toned body. Grabbing onto my keys, I take one look at my apartment with empty eyes, so devoid of life, devoid of color.
Slowly I step out into a empty hallway, turning around to pull out my keys to lock the door.
"On your way to school?"
A sweet filled voice asks. I turn my head to see a girl about my age, long snow white hair flowing below her shoulders, curling at the ends with a small upward pony tail that framed her beautiful porcelain face. She was always smiling, no matter what happened, even after losing her sister Lisanna to things her, nor her brother could control. I was so envious of the fact she could smile through all that pain, keep moving forward with a smile on her face. Yet... I couldn't.
"Hey, Mira," I quietly greet her with a near forced smile.
Mira beams with a bright smile, crossing her fingers together. "Well good morning to you too sleepyhead. Want someone to walk with downstairs?" A small blush appeared on her cheeks, twiddling her thumbs to avert eye contact with me. "That's if you want that is."
My chest tightened, clenching my fists in my hoodie with tightly clenched teeth. I knew she liked me... but all I would offer in her life was nothing but pain, a pain I couldn't bring to her. As beautiful as she was with that... infectious smile. No, I can't do this.. my heart has only one girl in mind, even if she doesn't have mine anymore.
"No thanks, Mira. You have a good day at work, I'll see you around," I turned around to walk down the empty hall, not daring at the sad look I knew was in her eyes. "Tell Elfman I said hi."
"W-will do! Have a good day at school!"
I hear her call out, before I turn the corner to walk down a set of steps, my feet echoing in the empty loft. A sigh escapes my lips, glancing upstairs for a moment with a deep frown, clenching my fists tightly to my coat.
"I am such a terrible person..."
Natsu exited the apartment complex, fiddling with a pair of keys in his pocket. A small red pick up truck sat in the parking lot, rust slowly eating away at the metal. This vehicle was supposed to be Natsu's first vehicle when he turned sixteen to get his drivers license. He remembered how excited his father was to show it to him, the look of glee to see his son becoming a grown man.
It was the only thing he had left from his father. He slowly opened the truck door that creaked open in the cold, morning open air that blew across Natsu's spikey locks. Slowly getting in, he reaches out to pull the door shut. Turning the keys into the ignition, the truck sputters out for a moment. "Come on..." Natsu tenderly rubs the steering wheel with gritted teeth. "Don't do this to me today..." with another turn, the truck starts with a deep purr. A relieved sigh escapes his lips.
Pulling out of the small parking lot, he takes off down the road, moving over a couple of bright yellow speed bumps that made his truck jerk with each movement. Natsu reached out to fiddle with his radio, skipping many stations that came, till a slow guitar beat could be heard, making his hands clench tightly onto the steering wheel with clenched teeth.
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me, and I walk alone
Natsu's eyes watered, glancing out his window, passing by the many street corners, watching as many people went on about their everyday life. Kids waited on the corner, waiting for the bus to take them to school, some standing with their parents or girlfriends.
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one, and I walk alone
Memories came through like rushing water down a stream. He remembered how Erza was so excited over the fact Natsu was going to start driving soon, the places, the things they wanted to do with their teenage lives... gone. Tears streamed down his cheeks without his consent, clenching the steering wheel in a vice grip.
I walk alone, I walk alone
I walk alone, I walk a-
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes, I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then, I walk alone
Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah
Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah
Natsu's body shook under each lyric, each beat with a melancholic tone. He stopped at an intersection, watching the traffic light that brightly beamed down on his form under the dark morning. He lowered his head to avoid the harsh light, gritting his teeth that wanted to crack under the pressure being applied.
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the borderline
Of the edge, and where I walk alone
Read between the lines
What's fucked up, and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive, and I walk alone
I walk alone, I walk alone
I walk alone, I walk a-
Green became it's new color as Natsu crossed over, watching many cars pass by his own. Some people frowned at his condition, wondering if they should try to get him to pull over, but stopped against it. It wasn't their business, or anyone's to know what was going on with Natsu.
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes, I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then, I walk alone
Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah
Ah-ah, ah-ah, I walk alone, I walk a-
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one, and I walk a-
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes, I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then, I walk alone
Natsu slowly pulled into the high-school parking lot, shutting his radio off. His hands wiped away at the tears, swallowing down the boiling bot of emotions that threatened to break free. He slowly, but lazily stepped out of his truck, being embraced by the cold morning air. His eyes glanced up the towering building before him with many floors to be seen. A small flag that flapped in the air with a Fairy flapping it's wings with a tail.
Fairy Tail High, a small but decently sized high-school in the city of Magnolia, south of Clovertown where Natsu used to live. He noticed groups of kids getting off bright yellow school busses that pulled up front. Many of different ages exiting out to file into the building that laid before him. He sighed under his breath.
"Let's just get this day over with..."
He slowly walked up a small set of steps that led to a big set of doors. Natsu pushed them open, immediately being surrounded multiple idles of chatter from other attending students. Most had smiles on their faces, laughing with their friends. The doors shut behind Natsu as all eyes were on him.
A lump he forcibly swallowed down his throat, feeling his scan pale more than it already was under their judgmental gaze. Those smiles on their faces were gone... replaced with frowns. It wasn't shocking in all honesty. Looking at Natsu, he looked sickly pale, dark circles that were under his lifeless eyes, the scars on his face and hands. Silence surrounded the hall. Natsu's heart beated violently in his chest, feeling the breath he once had be constricted with a vice grip around his throat.
"What is the meaning of this?"
The small crowd dispersed, revealing a smaller old man with a small head of gray hair, and a distinguished beard. He wore black slacks that matched his shoes, along with a dress shirt, and a tye. "We get a new student and this is the first impression he's giving of our school?" The old man walked up to Natsu, sending a small glare back at the crowd of students who paled under his gaze. "All of you get to your classes immediately."
They responded to his threatening gaze, quickly dispersing away to many sets of classrooms lining the halls.
"I must apologize for their behavior," the small old man offered his hand to Natsu with a bright grin. "My name is Makarov Dreyer, the principal of this wonderful school, it's pleasure to meet you..."
"Natsu..." Natsu croaked out, reaching out his hand to shake the old man's hand with a weak grip. "Natsu Dragneel."
Makarov frowned at Natsu's appearance, wanting to ask more but chose against it, swallowing his own curiosity for now. He turned away from Natsu, waving his hand for him to follow, which he begrudgingly did so.
Principal and student arrived to Makarov's office. It was small, compacted, many things littered the black desk. A small framed portrait rested on his desk. A woman hair as pink as Natsu's with two pins that framed her hair in a bun. Her hand rested into the old man's grasp, both with the sweetest loving smiles on their faces. A boy with spiked yellow hair stood next to the sweet old couple with a scowl on his face.
Natsu took his seat across from Makarov's desk as the old man rounded the table, taking his place in a swivel chair, scooching to lean his arms down with a warm smile. "So, Natsu we had just gotten your paper work in just yesterday. There's not much to indicate on your records, except," he frowned, making Natsu's anxiety rise sky high.
"Both of your parents are deceased.. is that true?"
Natsu stiffly nodded, clenching his fists to his side, clenching his teeth tightly under his lips.
"I am sorry to hear about that, boy. If you ever need anything, do not hesitate to ask," Makarov leaned down, shuffling through a fit of papers with a small grumble, realizing how much of a mess his desk truly was. He pulled out a small stack of papers, passing them over to Natsu with a small grin. "Here is your schedule and all of the classes you will be attending. As much as I would love to guide you, I unfortunately have a lot of paperwork to file," he chuckled, rubbing the templed between his wrinkles. "So, I have someone who will show you to your classes, being you have the same schedule. Lucy! You can come in now dear."
The door opened up behind Natsu as he craned his head back to look at a small blond haired girl who's hair flowed freely, except for a small tie that held it up. Her chocolate brown eyes that struck a resemblance to Erza's caramel orbs struck Natsu's heart with a knife. She wore black t-shirt top with black leggings and boots to match, a set of keys was attached to her hip.
Lucy grinned ear to ear, clutching onto a few books to her chest. "So, you're Natsu? Its nice to meet you!" She gave him a curt bow, a bright smile on her lips. "My name is Lucy, Lucy Heartfilia. I'll be your lovely guide today. Come on!" She reached out to take a hold of his hand, dragging of the old man's office against his own protests.
"I hope you enjoy your first day, Natsu. If you have any questions, feel free to ask!"
Natsu heard the old man say before his office door closed. The poor pink haired boy was drug across the hall against his own will, grumbling under his breath on how he could walk himself, but pushed those thoughts to the side.
"Not much of a talker huh?" Lucy questioned with a small giggle. "Don't worry! I promise I don't bite. Anyway, here's our first class!" The blond proudly declared in a dramatic showing of her hands.
Natsu dead-panned, rolling his eyes as he grabbed a hold of the door handle, walking inside with Lucy following behind him with a small grumbling, muttering "jerk" under her breath.
A burly man stood in front of the class, writing a few things down on the black chalkboard, humming to himself. Too Natsu's shock he had a metal prosthetic for a hand and leg, he wore tan dress slacks that matched his shirt and tie, his long orange hair was neatly combed back with gel. He paused turning towards Natsu with a large grin, scratching at the stubble on his cheeks.
"Ah... you must be the new student I've heard about. Welcome to my class! I am Mr. Clive, a pleasure to meet ya," he walked over towards Natsu, practically towering over the boy who stared up at the giant of a man. He gently smacked a hand on his shoulder with a smile. "Class, we have a new student who just transferred in. I'd like you to meet Natsu Dragneel," he slowly turned Natsu towards the class.
Natsu's eyes completely shot out of their skull, tears immediately nearing the surface to cover them in a glassy sheen. His heart stopped, he stopped breathing as he was frozen in place. At the back of the class bore a woman with hair, scarlet as blood it's self. A hair he could never forget, the sword earrings hooked around her ears in a buttoned white blouse. Both of them locked eyes with one another, feeling their hearts beat in unison of one another. For one moment, just a single moment.
Color returned to Natsu's face.
"E-erza..." He practically whispered, concealing the choking emotions that were about to boil over.
Erza tightly clenched onto her pen with a deep frown, the other hand clenching onto her blue skirt.
"Natsu..."
Mr. Clive glanced between the two with a mischievous grin planted on his lips. "Oh? I see chemistry between you two... looks like I know where I'm seating you. Go ahead and find it, so we can start class."
Natsu couldn't move from his spot, his eyes never left Erza's. In that small moment all he wanted to do was rush towards her in tears, cry out everything he's concealed for so long, all the pain... tell her the truth of his parents, everything that happened. But he couldn't, what right did he have? He left her high and dry without a text, without a response to her pain. He slowly moved down the line of chairs where other students sat before he found his seat next to Erza. He could feel her eyes buried into his body like a knife.
"You don't look well..."
He could hear her whisper to him, her voice laced with worry, but more so venom, a venom Erza has concealed for so long since he left her. But even if she wanted to scream at him, say everything she wanted years ago of the pain he caused, she couldn't. Looking at him, she could see something... deeply wrong. The life those onyx orbs once held was completely zapped out, nearly glazed over. The next thing she noticed is the lack of weight he once had, nearly looking like a walking skeleton with an oversized black hoodie.
"E-erza... I-I..."
Natsu bit his lip tightly enough to draw blood that melded across his tongue, the metallic taste making his stomach twist and churn with distaste. He stuttering over his words, feeling anxiety, despair bubble under the surface, making him drown in his own feelings. He never would've thought he would ever see her again, but... there she was, the same girl who he loved with all of his heart, only this time the feelings weren't mutual.
Erza's stare wasn't warm, loving, caring, many qualities that made her amazing in his opinion, but he blew the chances he was given. Now the only thing he felt off of her was one word.
Cold.
"I'm sorry..." Natsu whispered under his breath, lowering his head down to stare at his feet with clenched teeth. "I-I know you are confused on w-why I le-"
"I don't want to hear it..." Erza completely cut him off with a sharp glare that broke Natsu's heart in two. "Whatever happened, happened. But..." she clenched her hands over her skirt, tearing up heavily. "I cannot forgive what you did to me... besides.. I've moved on from you. I'm with Jellal now..."
If there was any thing to shatter his heart, it was that. Natsu lowered his head, tears reaching the surface as one lone tear dripped from his cheek on the white tile. The only thing he had left in this world, now moved on, not wanting a damn thing to do with him.
Fate couldn't of been crueler to him.
Lucy watched from the sidelines, glancing over her shoulder towards the interaction between Natsu and Erza. She could feel the tension between the two, practically placing a suffocating aura over the duo.
"But... I will ask. What happened to you? Where did you get those scars on your face from?"
"An accident..." Natsu answered her cryptically, swallowing down another lump down his throat with a firm gulp.
"I see... how's Happy?"
"Fine..."
"Your parents?"
Natsu tightly clenched onto his skin with gritted teeth, trying everything in his power to not release the tears within his own body. "T-they're well..."
The mere hesitation in his words raised multiple red flags in Erza's mind. Her heart ached in the bottom of her chest, a part of her wanting to reach out and hug this stupid boy, letting tears flow freely for once in her life, but... life has changed. Jellal was apart of her life now, a big part she wouldn't get rid of for the world. He was there for her when it counted most, being the shoulder to cry on she desperately needed after Natsu's dissaperance. He filled the void in her heart Natsu left...
She shook her head, focusing up front towards Mr. Clive who jotted some things down on the black chalkboard. "Well... that's good. It was nice to see you again, Natsu. I hope whatever is going on in your life gets better."
"Thanks..." Natsu muttered under his breath, resting his head on the cold surface of his desk with a deep overbearing sigh escaping his lips. Just when he thought life couldn't of been more than enough of a walking hell. He was severely mistaken, feeling his heart completely shatter into millions of pieces.
His true nightmare was only about to begin.
As you all noticed, I'll be implementing music into this fic to bring on the feels. We have met many characters of the series. I wanted to hold their personalities and appearances about the same. One major thing I changed was putting Makarov in a relationship with Porlyusica as his wife.
I can really make no promises on how long this story will truly be. It might be really short, but for now this is the next chapter, bringing on more depressing feelings.
Next time, being rejected by Erza, Natsu's mental health takes a major blow before he meets a few more students, a certain one who has a strange stripping habit.
As always I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I'll see you all in the next one. Later :)