2. We suffer no unjust hope

"How disgusting."

Asuka gingerly rubbed her throat, wincing at the pain. Honestly, part of her couldn't believe the idiot had actually tried to strangle her. Inside Instrumentality was one thing- things were weird - but here in the (unfortunately) real world it was different. She didn't think he had it in him to go that far, to try and kill her.

It had been around an hour since she left him, and she was currently sitting behind a sand dune, not really very far away. Progress was annoyingly slow, her body apparently still not used to being reformed. Walking was hard. That was to say nothing of her missing eye, or her uselessly limp arm. It was like her whole body didn't want to move or even really exist, only her stubborn force of will keeping it from dissolving back into the LCL she had just left.

Of course, it was not like he could have actually killed her. He was a runt - shorter than her, and no more than a little heavier - and his combat experience outside of an Eva was limited to getting punched by classmates. She was a trained soldier - and a good one at that. Even with an uncooperative body and one working arm, she was sure she could beat the measly Third into submission if she had to.

Not that she did. The pathetic boy couldn't even go through with killing her. Just like he couldn't hold her, or kiss her, or reach out to her. The boy had just decided to end the world and was too scared to stick by it.

That was what boys did though, Asuka thought. Take whatever they can, run away from or destroy whatever they can't. Take it all and use it all up. It's disgusting.

So why did it feel so much worse when Shinji did it?

Why had she expected more from him?

Asuka frowned, her stomach churning. Even when he wasn't near her, he was making her feel sick. She resolved to stop thinking about him and turn her mind to more pressing matters.

She observed the landscape. On one side, the sand dunes that lead back to the beach and the LCL sea. On the other, the city that was once Tokyo-3. She weighed up her options. Returning to the shore and the psycho-idiot child was out of the question, which left venturing into the city as the obvious choice. However, from her quick glance-over the city seemed deserted, and when she returned to her physical form she had emerged from the sea. If there were other survivors, it would stand to reason they would appear along the shore as well.

It was a dilemma. Perhaps she could journey further upwards before returning to the shoreline, avoiding Shinji altogether? Scavenge the edge of the city for food or supplies, set up a camp, and wait for survivors to show up.

Slinking around like a rat, hiding from Shinji like I'm the one who's afraid. Not a chance.

The thought of it made her even more nauseous. What she ought to do was march right back to the beach and ignore Shinji completely, or tell him to get lost, so she could find other survivors.

No, he'd probably start following me around like a lost puppy. Or worse, try and apologize. I couldn't stand that.

Asuka growled, pulling on her hair. If she just had her Unit-02 here, it would all be so much simpler. She felt its absence like a hollow space inside her, gnawing at her stomach lining. If she concentrated, she could still feel the ghost of it around her, the sweet whispers of her mother in her ears. Her nerves still stung with the memory of the grinning teeth of those awful things biting into her, the spears splitting her head to toe…

She fell to her knees, retching suddenly. She spat out a small trickle of bile, her stomach empty of anything else to give.

"How disgusting."

Asuka sprang to her feet, her stomach twisting, nausea turning into fear. Someone was behind her, watching. Turning around, the source of the voice became clear.

It was a woman, tall and red-haired.

"Mama?" Asuka said.

It wasn't, of course. On a second inspection, Asuka couldn't figure out how she even made the mistake in the first place. The woman bore a passing resemblance to the late Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu, perhaps, but really looked like no one Asuka had met at all. She towered over Asuka, her back straight as a ramrod. Her deep red hair was pulled back in a severe bun, and her eyes as blue as steel. She wore a navy suit Asuka recognised as being part of some military, although she wasn't sure which.

On the breast pocket of her blazer was the seven-eyed triangle of SEELE.

"I knew you'd make it out, Asuka," she said. "A girl with a will as strong as yours could never stay in that sea."

Asuka narrowed her eyes and wiped the last drops of bile off her mouth. "Do I know you?"

The woman gave her a thin smile. "No. But I know you, Asuka. And I wanted to tell you that you've been doing a truly wonderful job."

Asuka's expression softened, just a little. "Of course I have, no need to tell me - but a little flattery isn't going to get you anywhere. Tell me who you are."

"I'm someone with a vested interest in you, Asuka, someone you've made very proud. Listen to me."

The woman stepped forwards, putting her hands on Asuka's shoulders and looking straight into her eyes. "You are the only one that matters. Next time around, don't let any of them get in your way. Kill them if you have to. You are the key. Got it?"

Asuka nodded, even though she didn't get it at all. Something about this woman, the way she said she was proud, made Asuka feel a little warm inside. She hadn't felt that since she returned from the sea – hell, she hadn't felt it for a while before then either. It made her want to trust her, despite how cryptic she was being.

The woman led her up the crest. Down on the shoreline, she could make out a few figures. One - dark hair and a white shirt - was Shinji, who hadn't moved an inch since she left. Next to him was a mop of blue hair and a school uniform - unmistakably Rei Ayanami.

Great, Asuka thought bitterly. Of all the people to come back, Wondergirl had to be the first.

"I'm not going back to them; I don't care what you tell me-"

The woman held up a finger, silencing her. "Shh. Look, the show's about to start. Hold tight."

The giant Wondergirl skull and the horrific corpses of the awful mass-produced Eva units were disintegrating, spewing strange glittering shapes everywhere. In under a minute, they were gone.

Asuka huffed. Good riddance.

The shapes came together, merging into a gigantic shape. A huge eye, triangular constructs, and a ring of light - Asuka didn't need the Magi to recognise a pattern blue. Once again, she felt the pang of her missing Eva. Her body was responding in the way it had been trained for years - heart rate dropping, breathing steadying, preparing from synchronization. The pain of losing Unit-02 moved from passive to acute, pulsing in the depths of her stomach.

The huge eye let out a noise - somewhere between a musical note and scream - and released twin jets of light which split into giant wings of light. She remembered from lessons in school that the same wings had appeared during Second Impact. Asuka dropped into a fighting stance - like that would help - as the eye turned on her.

Suddenly, she felt hands on her shoulders again. The woman was behind her, whispering into her ear.

"This is the important part. Listen up."

The huge eye, even from the distance, filled her entire vision. All of a sudden it spoke, with a voice that somehow came from inside her head. It was loud, so loud she flinched.

"There was a garden and there was a tree.

There was an ocean of black ice as far as the eye could see.

What can be unwritten cannot be unread.

Won't you be friends with me?"

Then the eye started screaming, making the worst noise that anything had ever made. The woman was shaking her shoulders, shouting at her: "What did it tell you? What did it say? A light came down, soft and all around, and everything was black and white, and her stomach flipped upside down, and the world was moving too fast to see in every direction at the same time.

Then there was nothing.

Everything hit her at once. A red-haired woman who was not her mother telling her she was doing it right. Hands squeezing her throat. Twisted spears pushed through her head, her arm, her body. Helicopters crumbling at her touch. Her mother's embrace. A bathtub of nothingness. Holy light from above: "Hallelujah". A monstrous Angel, tearing her apart with ease. Wondergirl's stupid, blank face as her sync rate eclipsed her own. A stupid, useless boy who couldn't even kiss her back.

Then there was something.

She was back in Misato's apartment.

Her hands rushed to her face, feeling around desperately. Relief swirled in her gut when she found two eyeballs, both in their right place.

That's right, she realized. Her hands.

Two working arms. Two working eyes.

Misato's apartment, a working body. It was like Third Impact hadn't happened. She took the opportunity to inspect the area - finding nothing out of the ordinary. The living room, the kitchen, even the bathroom was just as she remembered. It was so perfect it was unsettling.

There was a noise coming from the cupboard, like muffled voices. Asuka strode over and threw the door open, revealing two crouching figures. One was a small goat-gremlin thing, covered in eyes. The other was Shinji Ikari.

"What did you do, Third Child?", Asuka demanded.

"I didn't do anything! It was this thing, he did…something," Shinji replied, backing further into the closest.

Asuka inspected the other figure more closely, her fury tempered by confusion. It was roughly the size of a preteen child, covered in light-blue fur and at least seven eyes. Its head resembled a goat's - or at least more than it resembled anything else - complete with a small set of horns. It was doing something weird with its mouth.

"Good afternoon, Asuka. I've been looking forward to meeting you," it said.

Quick as a flash, Asuka grabbed a nearby mop and levelled the end at the creature. Shinji flinched back from the sudden movement, as if he was the one who suddenly found himself held at mop-point. The creature, meanwhile, made no visible reaction.

"Alright, weirdo," Asuka demanded. "What exactly are you?"

"I am Keter-Or, the Crown of Light. I have been freed that I may unwrite what was written and wipe the slate clean," it said.

Asuka's eyes flicked over to Shinji. "What exactly is this thing?"

"He's like a genie, or something…" Shinji said. "He said he granted my wishes - I think he rewound time? I don't know, I just got here!"

Asuka returned her eyes to the creature, jabbing the mop closer to its face. A note of anger crept into her voice, the creature's stubborn refusal to react to her mop beginning to piss her off.

"Is this true? You're Shinji's time-rewinding genie?"

"Not quite. I am no genie, and I do not belong to Shinji. Rather, I am indebted to all you children. Thanks to the Third Impact, I have been freed from my eternal prison. Now, I offer you the greatest desires of your heart - a chance to go back and right what went wrong."

Asuka scowled. "This is a trick. You're an Angel - no, I bet NERV made you in the same weirdo laboratory where they made Wondergirl. This is a dream or an illusion - you're messing with my head."

"I assure you; this is real. Look around, can't you sense it?"

Carefully, and without moving the mop away from the creature's face, Asuka looked around. It was true, she was clearly back in Misato's apartment. Everything seemed exactly as it had a few months ago, before everything had started to fall apart. Further, unlike the last time she was in the apartment - inside Instrumentality, when the psycho-idiot tried strangling her the first time - everything felt real. The wooden mop in her hands, the smell of cleaning chemicals, the tactile things that were missing inside Instrumentality were here again, and there was none of the strange mind-melding oneness she had felt then. By the evidence of her eyes and ears, it appeared time really had been turned back.

Asuka stopped herself from saying "It's impossible" or something equally stupid - after all, her job was piloting a giant synthetic humanoid to do battle with alien creatures with varied, esoteric abilities. And the world had just ended. And she had died. Considering all that had happened, dismissing time travel out of hand would be foolish. However…

"This is too good to be true," she accused the creature. "You brought us back, restored the world, fixed my arm and eye, gave us a chance to stop Third Impact, for what? Out of the goodness of your heart? I don't believe that for a second. What's in it for you?"

The creature looked up at her directly into her eyes - a disconcerting effect considering all its various eyeballs. "You could call it that. You could say I am indebted to the five of you. Or you could say that I wish for a better ending as much as you do."

"Very non-committal language there. Well, if time is turned back, it looks like your job is done. Give me a reason I shouldn't beat you to death with this mop right now."

"My power is what sustains this new world. If you kill me, it will revert to the way it was after the end. It would be a cold and lonely world, and it would remain that way forever."

"You're lying."

"Maybe. Are you willing to risk it?"

The creature's ability to stare her down was remarkable. For the first time since their conversation began her eyes flicked back to Shinji, still crouching in the corner.

"Shinji?" she asked.

"I think we can trust him," Shinji began, his voice wavering. "I mean, he hasn't done anything to hurt us yet."

She glared at him. She'd deal with him later. First, she had to get to the bottom of the Keter-Or affair.

"Alright then, I want answers," she said, turning back to the creature. "Are you an Angel?"

"No, I am no spawn of Adam."

"The giant eyeball. What was that about?"

"That was me, in my true form. I can no longer take that form now that the world has been restored."

"So you're a giant flying being made of light and you're telling me you're not an Angel?"

"I assure you I am not, although one could say we were cut from the same cloth. Rest easy, I have no desire destroy humanity or reconfigure the world beyond what it is."

"The woman who talked to me, who was she?"

The creature paused, just for a split second, almost imperceptibly, before answering. Asuka wouldn't have noticed at all if it hadn't been so consistent in answering all her previous questions immediately. She had caught it off guard.

"I don't know who you're talking about. The only people alive in the dead world were the five of you."

"You said that before - five of us. I count two in this room, and if Wondergirl's around that makes three. Who exactly are you talking about?"

The creature held up its hand, fingers spread. "Five bear the Crown of Light. Five children returned from the sea. Five pilots freed me."

He began to count on each finger. "Shinji Ikari. Asuka Langley Soryu. Rei Ayanami. Kaworu Nagisa."

He paused as he reached the last finger, swivelling his many eyes to look at Shinji and Asuka at the same time.

"Elizabeth Takahashi."

Asuka glowered at the creature. Clearly it was just fucking with her now, making up names, and she wasn't going to stand for it.

"Who the hell is Kaworu Nagisa?"

The living room was quiet, the cicadas outside quieting as the sun set. A voicemail on the phone let the children know that Misato was working late and wouldn't be home - convenient.

The closet was locked behind them - Asuka wondered why the cleaning closet even had a lock - the creature kept securely behind the door. Before they left it had warned them to keep it a secret from Misato - which Asuka had to admit did make sense. She wasn't sure how she could explain the situation to Misato without sounding like a liar or a lunatic. And if Misato found out about their time-traveling-goat-genie, then NERV would, which means Commander Ikari would… She shuddered when thinking about the sick experiments he would use it for. Probably figure out a way to clone it or turn it into a new Eva unit.

"If we've gone back in time, we need to work out when we've gone back to," Asuka said, waving the mop. She had brought it with her, the solid wood in her hands providing a sense of purpose and conviction.

Shinji entered the kitchen, scrambling for the calendar. "It's September 25 - if this is up to date. That's more than three months ago."

Asuka pondered this. Three months meant they were still in the middle of the Angel war, but before everything really started going wrong. Three months was plenty of time to course correct, to make sure they avoided whatever had gone wrong the first time. Asuka could work with three months.

She began to pace the room. "Assuming that the Angels come in the same order - and that's a big assumption - that means the next one is…"

"The weird shadow one," Shinji finished for her. "Or the computer one that Ritsuko hacked away. I can't remember exactly."

"We already know how to deal with those," Asuka said. "It's the ones that come after we have to worry about."

"We should have a strategy meeting," Shinji said, sitting up on the counter.

Asuka stopped her pacing, looking at him. Now that she was slightly more settled down, her old emotions were returning. The sight of him back in such a natural environment broke the spell of the time-travel strategizing that had swept her up. Disgust swelled in her gut. Instinctively, her hand went to her throat. It was healed now, just like her arm and eye, but the memory of the bruises still lingered. Something white-hot and fierce bubbled up inside her.

You're the only one who matters.

"A strategy meeting? Here's the strategy, you stay out of my way and let me handle it. In fact, it'd be better if you don't even get in the Eva. It'll stop you from messing up the whole world again."

She put as much venom as she could muster into her words, which had the desired effect. Shinji's face screwed up immediately, his shoulders dropped. There was no shock in his expression, no surprise in his eyes at her sudden outburst. It was like he had been expecting her to snap at him the whole time.

"Asuka-" he began, looking at her through those sad lashes of his.

That won't work on me, she thought. I've seen the wolf that hides behind that puppy-dog facade.

"Don't think I've forgotten what you did, Third! To me and the whole planet. As far as I can tell, it seems I've been sent back to fix your mistakes, so keep your stupid head out of it!"

Shinji shrunk in on himself, wrapping his arms around his torso. "Asuka, I'm an Eva pilot too, I can't just give up-"

Asuka wheeled on him again, her fury mounting. "Isn't giving up what you do best, Third? Go on, run away again! And I don't just mean on the field, either! You better keep away from me all the time. If I'm trying to save the world, the last thing I need is to be around a psycho who's liable to snap and strangle me when I'm not looking!"

Shinji deflated even more - if that was even possible - his eyes turning down. Lost puppy. Asuka sneered at his pathetic display.

"But we live together… how can I keep away from you?" he said.

"Good point. I'll move back in with Hikari, or maybe Kaji. Don't worry, Third, we won't need to see each other anymore. Just stay right here and let me save the world."

With that, she turned and left, disappearing into her room. If Shinji had something else to say, she didn't hear it.

The night was warm and dark, a pleasant change from the endless chill of the beach in the world after Instrumentality. Outside the sky was silent and starless, a pure black wall, no lingering human souls or fragments of a ruined moon.

Asuka couldn't sleep.

She had tossed and turned for the better part of two hours, willing her mind to stop racing and her body to stop moving. It was to no avail. Sleep was an impossibility tonight, as far away as the moon. Her mind was racing, her body full of restless energy. She needed to do something. Watching the TV wouldn't help, nor would reading a book. A walk wouldn't help either, it would just be more time to stew in herself.

There was a lot to do tomorrow. The first thing she realized - and the main thought that had been keeping her up - was that time being rewound three months meant that Kaji was still alive. Another was that Unit-02 was back. Honestly, she was excited for the next Angel to appear, the opportunity to sortie again pricking at her skin. First, though, was to see Kaji again.

That was for tomorrow. Right now, she needed to talk to somebody.

Misato still wasn't home, and while calling up Kaji was tempting, it had too great a chance of sending the wrong impression this late at night. She could call Hikari, but something told her that it wouldn't help her. The stuff she really wanted to get off her chest, the stuff she needed to process, was nothing she could share with her classmate. Half of it hadn't happened yet, and the other half never would - ideally.

Talking to Shinji was obviously out of the question.

Which is why she found herself stealing out of her room, softly undoing the lock, and slipping into the cleaning closet. The closet was bathed in a soft blue light - it seems Keter-Or could add bioluminescence to its list of abilities.

"I knew you would return, Asuka," it said.

"Shut up," Asuka said, crouching down to its level. "You don't know anything. And don't act so smug, or I'll impale you on this mop."

Keter-Or, like always, made no reaction to her threats, or her now omnipresent mop.

"Let's get this straight," she barked. "I don't necessarily believe everything you're saying, and I sure as hell don't trust you."

"Which is why you've come to speak with me," it said dryly.

"Shut up. I can't sleep, and I have questions."

The creature looked at her strangely. "This is about earlier," it said.

"What are you talking about?"

"These doors aren't soundproof. I can hear everything. You argued with Shinji earlier."

Asuka huffed. "I didn't argue with him. I told him to stay out of my way, it's different. An argument implies there were two sides."

"Was it professional or personal?"

Asuka blinked. "What are you talking about?"

"Do you doubt his ability as a pilot, or do you dislike him as a person?"

Asuka… "Why can't it be both? The last time he sat inside an Eva, he ended the world, if you remember."

"I do remember. When he took charge of Instrumentality, he freed me from my prison, and gave you all humanity means to restore themselves, you included. It was a brave and difficult thing to do."

"Shinji? Brave? You're kidding me," Asuka said. "He's got all the spine of a sponge. Whatever he did, I'm sure it was the path of least resistance. Hell, someone probably told him to do it."

"You seem like you care about him."

Asuka's voice went up an octave. "Care about him? I can't stand the sight of him! Do I have to remind you what he did to me?" Her hands indicated her throat, but her mind flashed with thoughts of another time, when he loomed over her in her hospital bed. There were no lengths he wouldn't go to in order to humiliate her.

The creature raised an eyebrow at her – it had the audacity to raise an eyebrow – before it spoke. "And yet, you didn't push him away. The first thing you did when he tried to strangle you was touch him gently. It was almost… tender."

Asuka's pulse rose into her head, pounding at her temples, her teeth involuntarily gritting. She rose to her feet and swung the mop, once again pointing it at Keter-Or's face. As always, it didn't react.

"What do you know about me, idiot?" she snarled. "Are you trying to piss me off?

"What I think, Asuka, is that you're really mad about how he didn't kiss you back. You're mad that when you told him to stay away from you tonight, his only complaints were logistical ones, not emotional ones. You wanted something from him, right?"

"You don't know anything! I should kick your ass just for saying that!" Asuka jabbed the blunt end of the mop into the creature's chest, finally forcing it back. While a mop wasn't the most formidable weapon, Keter-Or was small, and a mop was still a wooden staff. Her white-hot rage had started to temper into something cold and fierce. She could totally kill a goat.

The creature kept all its eyes on hers. "But you did reach out to him, you can't deny that. You must have felt something for him."

"It's not like that! I was confused. When I was inside the sea - when we were all connected - It's like I was Shinji. I went through what he did, felt all his emotions, his pain… I was all mixed up, okay? I would never do that if I was in my right mind."

Keter-Or looked at her steadily with all its unblinking eyes. Gott, that thing is creepy. "So why did you reach out?"

Asuka threw her hands up. "Because someone had to! Gott knows he wasn't going to get any comfort from himself! He was in so much pain and I just had to… ease it."

She turned back to the creature. "It was an emotional reaction, that's all! Once I remembered the pig that he was, it made me feel sick."

The creature paused before it spoke, again only for an instance. It was the second time Asuka had noticed it hesitating at all. "You're not going to be able to get it right this time if you don't work together."

You're the only one who matters. You're the key.

Asuka drew herself to her full height, dwarfing the sitting creature. "You don't know anything. I am Asuka Langley Soryu, the greatest Eva pilot in the world. I don't need anyone's help: not yours, not Shinji's, not Wondergirl's. I will defeat the Angels, I will save the world, and I will do it by myself."

She turned and stormed out of the closet, her pulse still pounding. That stupid creature thought it knew it all, thought it could tell her what to do, but she had showed it. This was a victory. She had won.

It was only later, while she was once again lying in bed, sleep still avoiding her, that she realised the creature hadn't answered a single question she came to ask of it. Only then did she realise how it had turned the conversation on her, so quickly and so easily. She had intended to interrogate it about the woman, and the strange words she had heard, and what exactly the creature's motives were.

But it was too late for that now.

In the morning, he went to the garden, to sit under the shade of the tree one more time, and to speak with the gardener.

The gardener said: Are you ready?

He said: Yes.

He was shocked at how unsure he sounded.

The gardener handed him a fruit from the tree, and said: Eat.

He said: They told us not to eat this close to launch.

She said: You'll be fine. You might not get to eat anything for a million years. You need to fuel up.

He took the fruit, and looked at it. It shone gently in the morning light.

He said: Is this one of mine?

She said: Would I try and ruin you, now of all times? Eat, and stop making excuses.

He ate the fruit. It tastes just as all the others had, sweet and electric. He said: Thank you.

The gardener looked at her tree and said: I'm going to miss this place.

He said: When you land, you'll make a garden a thousand times the size, and filled with a thousand times the creatures. You'll create a paradise the likes that you'd be ashamed to even think of this place again.

She said: I know, but it won't be the same. There's always a shame in leaving something behind.

He had nothing to say to that. He had nothing he cared about leaving behind.

She said: You're still young. If you were an old timer like me, you'd have more regrets.

He looked at the sky, crystal blue and cloudless. It was such a pristine barrier; it almost seemed a shame to pierce it.

He said: It's almost time to go.

She said: Give me a minute to say goodbye.

He watched as she said something to her trees, each in turn. He couldn't make out what it was. When she turned back to him, her eyes were glimmering.

She said: They gave me something to read to you.

He said: What is it?

She said: There was a garden and there was a tree. There was an ocean of black ice as far as the eye could see. What can be unwritten cannot be unread. Won't you-