Unchangeable Chapter 6: Warm Winter, a naruto fanfic

A/N: Gosh I cannot tell you how passionate I am with this stupid thing. Like I've become a full-time writer without salary and I've spent 5 weeks devoting time and efforts to write and revise a fan fiction with nearly 40000 words after I've finished my exam! Also, you might notice how enthusiastic I am when it comes to my examination TvT Not that I like it, but after all, exams and tests have been the pivot around which Asian lives revolve ಥ_ಥ I hope this chapter seems better the the previous ones now that I've somehow refined my techniques.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Another Winter Festival came, yet she didn't feel lonely whatsoever. She knew he would come. The black-haired did what she had done last year: sharpening her weapons and observing every second to pass by without anything coming up. She didn't want to acknowledge it, but she was waiting for him. The heat in her stomach went up as images of him rolled and rolled in her mind. She couldn't find it not frustrating that she had spared too many thoughts for a nukenin and that'd keep on frustrating her for another long time. She hated that feeling and at times, she feared it – one's heart worked just irrationally sometimes, in a way which they never really wanted.

During a deadly dull while, Kurotsuchi couldn't help but wonder what surprise he had prepared for her before he arrived. 'If that bastard will not fly out with me on his goddamn clay bird and will not put his goddamn hand on mine as a present, what will he do?'. She sat on her bed sunk in thought, her eyes inadvertently straying to her closet where her old, comfy pyjamas used to be. After two sudden and unsolicited visits from the blond, she had got rid of all her pyjamas and started wearing ninja clothes to sleep. They were a bit awkward at first, but ninja clothes were designed to be comfortable enough to fight and move flexibly, after all. Therefore and thankfully, it hadn't taken her long to get accustomed to the clothing materials. The girl excitedly told herself she would never have to worry about her appearance when he came again. She knew he would come. Yeah, even her stupid intuition supported her (wait isn't it stupid to believe in her stupid intuition?).

Kurotsuchi thought she still had to sharpen her weapons for another long while and contemplated resting a little because she had done so for two hours solid.

Yet Deidara always came the moment she least expected him.

"You didn't close your window, eh? You let me come! Or probably you've been waiting for me to come, un! Wait, why are you lying on your bed at 10:00 PM? You're going to sleep that early, hmmm?"

"More correctly, I can't stop you from coming. And I'm trying to sleep because I know you'll destroy it at about 2:00 AM." She rolled her eyes, trying to linger on the soft, comfortable surface a little bit more.

"You could have put in some efforts-"

"In vain, you know." Finally sitting up, she tilted her head. "But you're here quite early – 10:00 PM? How come?"

"The festival has yet to end."

"Yes? That does not mean you could break into Iwagakure more easily."

"I've said your village's security is always bad. However, I did have to take some trouble to get here when the festival was still held, mmm – my partner was a little bit suspicious, but he couldn't stop me anyway. By the way, fancy going to this year's Winter Festival, yeah?" The black-haired was dumbfounded at his suggestion, "What?"

"Fancy going to this year's Winter Festival?" He repeated himself.

She looked up at him with perplexity, "How?"

"We go on foot?" He answered, as if there had been nothing weird about Tsuchikage's granddaughter visiting the Winter Festival happily with an S-rank criminal. Kurotsuchi found that possibility so outrageous she couldn't wait to deliver him a lecture. "What the hell are you thinking, bro?" She spat, "This is insane! It's really crowded out there and you really think villagers wouldn't recognize you and me and run and cause chaos and my grandfather will go livid and wring our neck and bla bla bla?"

"But what if we use some simple tactics?" He smiled insinuatingly.

"So, are you friends or are you a couple?" A nice old lady selling nice dango sticks innocently asked both of them.

She was caught off guard by the question, while Deidara was more than excited. "Well, we're a couple… of close friends, yeah probably." The blond girl sheepishly replied and glared at her companion when he dug her. "Why couldn't we act like a couple, un? We look exactly like one!", mumbled the annoyed black-haired boy. 'I don't know fucking why have I accepted his suggestion. This is crazy! Deidara is crazy!' She screamed inwardly in desperation as she rolled her eyes to avoid the lady's. "A mismatched one, I have to say."

"Oh," the woman chuckled kindly, "I thought the answer would be a couple. Yeah, you guys look good as a couple." She handed them their takeaway.

Deidara, in his new appearance, could now feel free to say and do whatever he liked. "Yes, your judgement is spot on, miss. I completely agree." He took the food from the lady and swiftly put a stick of dango into Kurotsuchi's mouth.

"Hey!" She winced, but all she received back was a facetious grin.

While they were walking on the street, she was washed over with nostalgia. She was looking directly at their path, but all that she could see was the shops they've visited and people they've met the last time when he went there with her. When he had yet to become a missing-nin. When he was still Deidara. She could vividly recall the colourful lights surrounding them and the sounds of fireworks which the previously blond boy revelled in. The laughter of a random family she had passed by. The face of a crying kid she had encountered on her way back home. Something inside her quietly broke again as she brought herself back to reality – he had betrayed Iwagakure.

For a moment, she still wanted to do what she had always wanted to do. Kurotsuchi remembered when she was still thirteen or fourteen, when they walked together like today, she sometimes attempted to hold his hand but very soon relented because she thought it would seem weird. Yeah, like they weren't close enough. She wondered if being bold in a second could change something.

The black-haired wished the time hadn't changed anything at all. But the truth remained that it had changed everything. He had forsaken the whole village for some kind of art that couldn't be more absurd. Fond memories were then merely memories and never materialised as reality again. She found it equally disturbing she could not walk with him feeling as happy as she genuinely did two years ago.

Granted, at least he was walking by her, in yet another beautiful Winter Festival that day.

Kurotsuchi regretted not having attended last year's festival and asked herself about what fun she had probably missed out on.

Again, Deidara could sense she was trying to hold his hand, and in vain because she lacked the courage. The black-haired boy looked at her then looked at their hands, which were both relaxed and at times, lightly touched each other. Her fingers sometimes weakly rubbed his and she stopped it after one second or two. That feeling was really familiar. She bowed her head a little and she seemed to look everywhere but him. He remembered he used to ignore that and kept walking as if she hadn't done anything different. Who said he did not know how to feel awkward? Yet as he decided that everything was then different from the past, Deidara simply laced his fingers with hers in silence. And Kurotsuchi, in turn, blushed. A bit too much for her liking.

"And… you're not going to say anything about this?"

"I've said 'I love you' a thousand times, so I think you should be the person who says, Kei-chan." He leaned down a bit, bringing his face close to her so that he could get her undivided attention. She jumped up in confusion and then whispered, "Say what?"

"Say 'I love you', hmm" He pouted "You're such an idiot, un." The boy wondered why she could never understand even the simplest implication he had made.

"You're such an idiot, un." She grinned. "I don't know that you like being called an idiot. Yes and that's because you're an idiot."

"I'm saying you're an idiot, you're deliberately being obtuse."

"Yes, you're right – it's deliberate. But you ARE an idiot, for all intents and purposes." She wasn't joking, 'Because only an idiot can forget everything and leave his village behind to pursue his meaningless passion.'

"No, I'm not an idiot. Only you are. Because yeah at least I know you don't know I know you've always wanted to do this... mmm," he smirked when he showed her their holding hands, which she had almost forgotten the instant she began to mock him. Mortified, Kurotsuchi tensed and began to stammer, "W-What? I've never said I… want this. Like, like what the hell? No, you're crazy."

"You don't need to say for me to know."

She looked at Deidara and inhaled.

"Nooooo you're becoming increasingly violent to me, Kur- ohh Kei-chan!" He yelled as she used her other hand to pinch his cheeks as hard as she could. "Because you're a jerk-'', "TThat does not mean I deserve this!" The boy likewise decided to use his other hand to pinch her back but was preempted. "Your hand is to play with clay and mine is to pinch you because you've done that. You don't have enough skills to get a hand on my face." She stuck out a tongue at him. "Let's see who can save you now." The previously black-haired girl smirked.

"Er? Is this guy a potter and you want to punish him for that? And excuse me?" She had to pause when a flower seller behind them raised his voice. "You guys are obstructing my business. You're scuffling right in front of my shop."

"Oh, Oh sorry we-", "Sorry my girlfriend is being a bit petulant. Do you sell any kind of flower for petulant gi-" She slapped him so that he could learn to shut his mouth up. "Ouch, Kei-chan don't-". Cheerily, the man giggled at the sight of the young, impulsive couple which resonated with him and his wife long ago, "Oh sure, I do and you've discovered the right place – girls love flowers from my shop. My wife fell in love with me right after she discovered I sold such beautiful things."

Silence shortly ensued his introduction. But the black-haired managed to breathe a sigh of relief as he noticed Kurotsuchi's eyes were then attracted by the diverse shapes and colours of fresh flowers meticulously displayed (rather than his poor cheeks). She was a girl, after all. The shop owner looked for something around the shelves and briskly came back with a small, delicate bunch of flowers in his hands. "Well, this bunch mostly consists of daisies and some colourful chrysanthemums in the centre." He chuckled when he saw the one with obsidian eyes being quickly absorbed. "They can convey a playful and lighthearted message and be a fun way to match the personality of someone who is a bit petulant or whimsical."

"Yes," The boy glanced at the price and gave some cash to the seller. "This sounds perfect, yeah". "I know," The man smiled proudly. The blond girl quickly snatched the bunch from the black-haired boy's hand. "Thank you for your high-quality goods. But I guess we have to say goodbye now – there are things to see out there. By the way, have fun with your wife."

"Thank you, and you know what? She decided to marry me when I first arranged a bunch of daisies and chrysanthemums exactly like this to give her. I make only few every year for couples like the younger us because most people only choose to buy roses." He beamed in reminiscence, "Oh and goodbye, too. You guys remind me so much about me and my wife when we were young. Sorry I'm a little talkative when it comes to our marriage.", and went on to beam even more with the last sentence. "Have fun with your boyfriend."

She flushed and turned to go away, still hand in hand with Deidara. "Now how could I let that kind man know this is not my boyfriend whatsoever and will never be huh? Dei- wait no Duro-nii?" The girl questioned rhetorically. "Wait and when will you let go of my hand? Let go of my hand, now!"

"No."

"W-What? Why? What the hell?"

"I'm feeling amazing."

Kurotsuchi bit her cheek inwardly as she had started to feel the effect of holding his hand.

'Shit…' She hated the way her heart beat just so oddly and unevenly against her control, as if it had had the mind of its own – in fact, it did. The sensation of holding Deidara's hand was so strange she felt like a child being baffled, knowing nothing about what was happening. So callow. So clumsy. So awkward. He wasn't exactly wrong when he said it, but it was really embarrassing he knew that. She wished a hole had suddenly emerged from the ground so she could jump in.

But she wasn't the only person whose heart was starting to flutter.

1 minute had passed. 5 minutes. 10 minutes. 15 minutes. They were still wandering, looking at nice, appealing stores and occasionally bought some food.

"Bro…"

She had to say something.

"Hmmm?"

She couldn't bear that for so long. Why wasn't he uncomfortable holding her hands for more than 5 minutes? She felt like the temperature in her body was equal to that of a boiling pot and everything was going to explode because her embarrassment would reach its limit. But words failed her, and she knew nothing to say. Instead, all she was capable of was pursing her lips and looking at him, her eyes desperate, trying to convey a grab bag of thoughts as crazy as her feelings.

"What? You're not fine with this...mmm?" He feigned innocence, yet then held her hand even tighter.

Blood in her chest was boiling with ineffable emotions as she distinctly felt his thumb, in a loving way, brushing her palm. He knew she liked physical contact. He knew she wanted to hold his hand. He knew girls loved flowers. He knew why she was uncomfortable right then. How come he knew almost everything about her while she didn't know the first thing about that boy? Kurotsuchi tried to casted aside her thoughts as she walked.

"Yeah… so, will you let go of my hand?"

"No."

She rolled her eyes, and slowly, and grudgingly, let her finger laced with his – she had no other choice.

"OH SHIT SHUT THAT FUCKING MOUTH UP!"

"I didn't say anything, yeah." The black-haired grinned impishly. Although his hair was then black and shorter, his eyes were still blue. She couldn't attach that blueness to the ocean, something cool, cold, depth, maturity, purity or anything, that is to say, anything aside from mischief. Probably she'll soon attach insanity to it, too. Moreover, she hated the way those blue eyes just make her feel weak at the knees sometimes.

For a second, she was miles away. However, the wet, moving tongue on his hand (and then on hers, too) soon brought her back down to earth with a bang.

And because he had been graceless and discourteous all along, Deidara deserved a kick in the ass. "Damn you!" She gritted her teeth while he grinned. The girl found it so disgusting she had to wipe her hand on his shirt like more than ten times.

After all, they had a relatively free and relaxed evening together. That night they weren't Deidara and Kurotsuchi. They were a blond girl named Kei and a black-haired boy named Duro wearing casual clothes, maybe close friends, maybe lovers. It didn't matter. The thing was that the boy could freely walk on the street, holding the girl's hand without getting into much trouble. It was great, the way people saw them and noticed nothing suspicious. If there was something weird or different to be noticed, that must have been the intense redness in the girl's cheeks or the extreme force with which she kicked his ass. Anyway, she looked truly happy and carefree, as he did. And no one really cared about them.

They mingled into the crowd, couldn't help entering into the spirit of things, couldn't wait to temporarily forget imperfect aspects of reality. They could immerse themselves in pure ecstasy, nostalgia and the whole gamut of emotions. They held each other's hand and seemed to share feelings. They almost shared thoughts. They even shared smiles occasionally, even if it was unwitting.

"For a second, I think Iwagakure is beautiful, yeah."

He was intrigued. People and things seemed just like in the past when it had been still peaceful and he hadn't left that place. They had gone to festivals and watched their surroundings with excitement. Kind villagers. Yummy food. Unusual games. And Kurotsuchi. That was all he could recall.

"It is. Still, that simply didn't matter to you as much as explosions, right?"

"Yeah," He giggled and frowned a little, "Sorry."

'If only you hadn't complimented my village.' She pursed her lips bitterly.

As the crowd had gradually become sparse, Winter Festival ended. She could then wheel back to face him as he had relinquished her hand. "Wow?" He raised an eyebrow as she had yet to utter a word.

"You know I hate you, right? I hate nukenins. I hate everything about betrayal and irresponsibility. I hate it so much you cannot imagine how much I hate it." She breathed in "However, I also despise the way I was too attached to you. I loathe the way I'm so weak when it comes to you. I cannot fathom even myself – I don't understand why I could ever develop something so much like a soft spot for such a terrible person. Yes, you are a terrible person. I have to say your passion for destructive things is morbid, ignoble, feral, odious, repugnant, and is a thing I hate very very much." She wanted to thank God she had managed not to shed a tear, "All my actions which you've probably comprehended as displays of affection were on impulse. All the kissing and hugging are bullshit. I've regretted having done all what I did. That was not what I truly felt. I don't… love you and I never will. You are a terrible person Deidara. You are very very very terrible. How could I love you if you are so terrible?"

He kept quiet. "I know you're not abandoning me. At least I've understood you meant this sense. But I don't want this. You don't have to cling to a promise that means nothing to me. You don't have to take the trouble and need not to deal with your partner who finds you dubious. You don't have to say you love me especially when it is the last thing I ever anticipate from a missing-nin. I want to stress that, I don't love you and I never will. Never."

As the first tear rolled down her cheek, her voice finally became choked. "Unless you think again. Deidara, our relationship and my feelings about you is the most complicated thing I've ever encountered in my life. And if you find everything I've said hard to grasp, um, I will summarise it… Um, but well sorry I don't really know how to make it short… Oh and probably you don't know, but your appearance and changes in your personality served to do nothing but deprive me of sleep for like weeks and it breaks me down a little bit everyday."

Deidara took her hand again. "Okay, well yeah I guess I've been an asshole all along, un."

"Indeed!"

"Nooo just let me speak for a minute. I mean yeah I understand-"

"You don't understand!"

"Okay, whatever you say. Listen, okay I know you hate me but I didn't know you hate me that much. Oh and it's not that I did all this because I 'cling to' my words. Yeah I do this because I want to. I will do whatever I want and nobody can stop me from doing that. You're my second passion apart from explosions, un – you cannot change that, too." He wiped her tears as if that could pacify any small bit of her outburst. "Therefore, I'll keep seeing you until you fall in love with me, yeah, whatever happens. I know you too want to see me despite yourself. I don't believe you'll never love me – I've seen things in your eyes. And sorry if my appearance unintentionally hurt you. I don't know how to solve it for the time being but I guess I'll figure out a solution later." Deidara did not mention his passion for destruction as he was inseparable from it and she could do nothing about it. She was still weeping and did not take heed of much of his words as what he said was too disjointed and was the words from a nukenin's mouth.

After that, he embraced her as gently as possible. Not because she was vulnerable, delicate or anything but because he knew she brought weapons. "Oh and don't try to kill me or you'll regret."

"You always manage to throw me into emotional turmoil, Deidara-nii." She sighed. After they returned to her home, she was overjoyed to see her beloved bed again, and so was he. The blond had rested his head next to hers, his arms wrapping around her waist.

"I know. And thanks for bringing back the honorific."

She frowned, "Why could you notice and know everything about me while I don't even know anything at all about you?". He chuckled, "That is because I'm a thorough observer." The boy pinched her cheek playfully, and with much less force than she had done to him that evening. "Unlike me, you never make an attempt to watch and learn about me, yeah – so indifferent."

"That's because I don't feel the need to. And also, I think it's you rather than me who is the one detached from everybody."

"Whatever you think." He shrugged his shoulders, "I love you and I think you know that."

"But I cannot understand-"

"Nor can I. Love is an unpredictable and unfathomable thing. My penchant and flair for explosions came to me just as naturally as my love for you and your love for me. And nobody can stop them, yeah."

"My love for you is non-existent."

"Probably not yet. Or probably and more than likely you're hiding it. Yeah no one wants to admit to things they don't want to admit to." Deidara rubbed his face against her neck affectionately. And Kurotsuchi didn't bother to stop him.

She could not help but roll her eyes whenever he tried to suggest she loved him. Who could be blunter and more thick-skinned than the boy lying next to her? However, as she had calmed down and reflected on his words again, she thought he deserved a kiss. 'At least he had tried to placate me with his stupid words, and did not laugh at my stupid confession. But he has to understand I still hate him even if I kiss him.'

"Oh and this, is to reciprocate…"

"Is that a display of affection?"

"No, it's just for close friends."

"You do that with Naime?"

"Wow, a tempting idea." She grinned. "No, you should never do that with Naime, Kurotsuchi. Your kiss should be reserved only for me."

"I kissed her on the cheek."

"Nooooo, when have you guys even reached that phase? Then don't kiss her on the lips!"

"Yeah, I think her boyfriend will get jealous if I really do."

"Not only but your boyfriend will, too!"

"You're not my boyfriend."

"I've never said I'd get jealous." He giggled. "But that's a good idea you've thought of, isn't it?"

"Shit."

Oh, I've probably forgotten this, and you may have noticed it, too. But in chapter 1 the mouths on Deidara's hands didn't appear! Actually, it had slipped my mind 〒▽〒 but now let's create an excuse for that:D Okay, so if the mouths were already on his hands there'd be no way Onoki let him join the sleepover and no way Kurotsuchi & her friends'd spend time with him just like normal friends, yay! Now let's think that after he'd discovered the kinjutsu the mouths didn't appear immediately... Wait, no! If they didn't appear so how could he create clay bombs like the spiders? No but actually what if he had fled the village without having to- Alright forget it, idk what to say next apart from things like 'hope you'll enjoy' (I know what I'm writing is just as absurd as always) or 'feedback is welcomed' and 'have a nice day' so I'll say...

I wish you'll succeed either in your examinations or your career, yeah~