Unchangeable Chapter 7: Sweet and Silly, a naruto fanfic

A/N: Oh my gosh I'm so absent-minded - I've never included the name of the chapter here so you guys could see it, have I? But sorry I'm so lazy I don't want to revisit each chapter only to add its name, so I'll let everything be as it is. You only have to remember the number and grasp what the story's telling (or at least what it's trying to tell), and yay, you've done. Actually, I didn't have something too creative to do with chapters' names and I think it's okay to simply ignore it:Đ

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto but Naime and Kaoto are mine, you know:)

August. 2:00.

"Hi, I'm here to see you again." Deidara grinned as he laid his hand on the girl. To his surprise and disappointment, Kurotsuchi seemed not to be a light sleeper once she had slept, however. The black-haired was still with her eyes closed. She breathed steadily and didn't appear to be disturbed by his touch at all.

After sleeping in ninja clothes for months without him suddenly visiting, she decided to wear them only on special occasions, namely her birthday and the Winter Festival. The girl had gotten back into the habit of wearing thin pyjamas to sleep. That day she had worn a black, silky pair.

In a moment, her words months ago rang in his ears again, "Oh and probably you don't know, but your appearance and changes in your personality served to do nothing but deprive me of sleep for like weeks…" His hand stopped when his fingers nearly touched her face. "You look pretty sound when you sleep, un. Yeah, I think I should let you sleep a little bit today." The blond mumbled as he quietly slid into her blanket and embraced the sleeping kunoichi. Even until half an hour later, she was still fast asleep and blissfully unaware of the unsolicited guest that was holding her from behind.

2:30.

Kurotsuchi opened her eyes wearily – she loved her sleep and had always craved it. But she was so used to the cold of Autumn she found the warmth around herself, although comfortable enough, a bit weird, eerie and, possibly, dangerous, so the girl was pulled out of her sleep slowly yet unpleasantly. Noticing her body was wrapped by someone else's arm, she tossed around to see his face. "Deidara-nii? Why the fuck… are you…" She murmured as she felt like sleeping again. "…here?". He smiled and said nothing. Subconsciously, the blond's familiar presence made her feel safe. In a moment of sleepiness, she was tempted to hold him, sleep in his warmth and continue to indulge herself in a warm, peaceful and blithe sleep. She did, at least for a few seconds later.

"Hey wait what the hell why are you here?" Awareness roughly made its way into her brain after her intuition had reminded her that something wasn't right – Deidara the nukenin was there, lying just next to her. Before she completely gained it all, she had hugged him lightly around the shoulders and rubbed her face against his chest. "Urgh, you always destroy my sleep when I want it most, you asshole…" After a dreamy sigh, the black-haired suddenly jumped up and out of his arms, "Wait what why am I even hugging you? Oh shit you bastard! Fuck off right now and let me sleep!" He chuckled at her ridiculous, contradictory reactions. "I came here to see you and I did not make any effort to wake you up, yeah. You woke up yourself. I feel hurted, Kurotsuchi – you always try to find a reason to criticise me."

"I feel insecure whenever you jump out of nowhere and come to see me like this! I feel fucking insecure whenever you are PRESENT. That's why I woke up." She hissed.

"But why did you do what you did?" The girl tilted her head, narrowing her eyes cautiously. "Like you want to… sleep? Yeah like what the hell are you thinking? Like coming here like an hour or half ago, hugging me to sleep until 3:00 and leaving without a word – wait no this sounds too absurd. Do you feel sleepy? No this sounds even more absurd-"

"It's a bad thing all I think about is you and all you think about is sleep." He rolled his eyes at her unclear, sleepy mind and clung to her bed. "You had said my appearance had kinda ruined your sleep so I tried my best not to disturb you, un. Oh yes and I have to admit that your bed is real comfy. I like it."

"If you don't want to disturb me, why do you bother to come here?"

"I feel like seeing you, yeah. I cannot wait." He replied with a grin, "But you look so tired, you should lie down here if you still want to rest.", "You're such a bastard, Deidara-nii" Kurotsuchi groaned as she reluctantly lay back down and into his unexpected arms. "Yeah, I guess so."

"But if you like the warmth I offer then why won't you enjoy it and sleep? I'll silently leave at 3:00 anyway." The blond giggled from behind her ears as he pulled up the blanket. "No, I cannot sleep now. Whatever you do and say, you are still dangerous, still a threat to me and Iwagakure." She tossed around and glared at him. "I've said I will not kill you.", "I don't trust you."

He couldn't help but roll his eyes once more. "I think stubbornness runs in your family, un."

"As if you weren't stubborn."

Her heart clenched as it always did when she remembered the fact that the seemingly sweet boy behind her back had betrayed her beloved Land of Earth.

He was so erratic she could never fathom why he said what he said and did what he did. She couldn't fathom his thoughts. Couldn't fathom why he loved her but not her village. Couldn't fathom the way he was so loyal to a stranger criminal organisation rather than the country where he was born and raised. Couldn't fathom how come he could leave everything behind to pursue great ambitions but was unable to appreciate and treasure the smallest thing. Couldn't fathom the fact that he had suddenly turned into a morbid and despicable person so quickly and unexpectedly just because of an outrageous technique with clay. Couldn't fathom how he had found any tiny bit of thrill in destroying things, destroying lives and destroying others' happiness. Kurotsuchi closed her eyes.

Admittedly, her heart did beat faster when her eyes met his, but it also clenched.

"Bro, I couldn't fathom…"

He raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to say something more. She couldn't fathom anything about him at all. Couldn't fathom why he was so gentle to her while he was such a rabid fanatic of explosions and destruction. Couldn't fathom how come he bothered to visit her although his partner in that deranged, bloodthirsty organisation was always there and suspected him. Couldn't fathom the way he had complimented Iwagakure's beauty though he had been the one who betrayed it. Couldn't fathom how he could recall and comprehend all her stupid confessions and even acted on parts of it. Couldn't fathom the inscrutable look in his blue eyes. Couldn't fathom the honest yet incoherent words from his mouth. Couldn't fathom his motives (although he might do everything on impulse and for no reason whatsoever).

She sighed, "…why you didn't get mad at me when I said your passion for destructive things was morbid, ignoble, feral, odious, repugnant, and was a thing I hated very very much. I've heard you killed people simply because they don't 'respect' your art. Yeah but you didn't look upset to say the least back then."

Deidara was surprised by her half-question. "Wow, that's true. I kill philistines because they are too nasty to feel what is truly beautiful." His grip on her tightened as he bent his mind to the main point. "But well, about the thing you cannot fathom…"

He smiled. "I don't know either. It's kinda weird, un." After the black-haired tossed around again to look at Deidara, the blond ran his hand through her hair. "When you let out a stream of abuse like that I was stumped. And in that moment, strangely and you may not or never believe this, I really cared about nothing but you. You looked deadly fraught yet emotionally vulnerable and I felt like I cannot afford to do or say anything that would possibly hurt you because I know sometimes I said things very casually and you was like, yeah depressed and overthink about it-", "No, words can convey a lot of messages that the speaker fails to notice-". "Just let me speak this time, will you?" He kissed her cheek and continued, "I mean, it's very strange all I want to do in that moment was to soothe you. I was absorbed in your painful words and couldn't think better. I temporarily forget my extreme hatred for ones who look down on my art, or probably I didn't but you were different. In other words to me you were special. And in other words you were kind of an exception, un. You have always been. Yeah I think you should know this but I treat you differently from others and you should be the one who understands that better than anybody else. I don't find it in myself to kill you. I love you and I've done everything I could think of as displays of affection and I've said I love you a thousand times, yeah." He kissed her cheek once more. "But you never understand, let alone accept that Kurotsuchi."

She didn't need to say it out loud for him to realise he had jumped from one topic abruptly to another.

"You sound stupid when you're without emotions but you sound even more stupid when you have emotions, Big Bro Deidara." Kurotsuchi smiled weakly when she brought her face closer to his. "I guess that's why Onoki advised me not to be too attached to any person apart from my family, especially ones like you."

"Ones like me, hmm?" He let their noses lightly touch each others'. "Yeah and he told me the start of love marked the end of intelligence. I think he was right." She pouted before her lips reached his. He pulled her head closer so that he could kiss her more deeply while she tried to open her eyes to see him. She had never done this when they kissed but when she opened her eyes it turned out Deidara opened his, too. 'So he's watched me like this all along…' She thought sheepishly. 'Like you look fucking silly when you close your eyes but in your mind eyes you think it's kinda passionate?' This time Deidara was bold. His hands roamed over from her waist to her thighs while her hands clung to his shoulders. His lips were glued to those of the black-haired and they lightly moved, pressing against hers as the two both felt the burning sensations inside their bodies. After she pulled away and gasped for five seconds, "At least let me breathe a little bit", the blond pinned her down, with one knee between her legs. "Fancy another kiss? Oh but you cannot stop me anyway, it seems."

"You are such an asshole." She sighed as he leaned down again. "Yeah, I guess so."

2:55.

"Damn, I really don't know what to feel, say and do about us…" She turned her back against him and looked out at the opened window. Kurotsuchi was starting to regret what she did again. "Then don't try at all." He loosely placed a hand on her hip. "I think everything's real simple but your mind is much like a maze."

"It's simple to you because you have nothing to lose now. I have to consider a lot of things. I have my own principles. I have my prejudice against missing-nins. I love Iwagakure and like spending time with you makes me feel like I'm betraying it just like the bastard lying right behind me. I love my grandfather and he despises you even more than I do. I love my father and I'm sure he cannot utter your name without disgust and contempt stuck in his throat. I've said you should leave and never come back. It'd be much simpler for me, but you never listen."

"Are you listing the reasons for which you feel hesitant to love me?"

"Damn you!" She flushed. "It's quite late now. Leave me alone and never come back."

"You're not answering my question." He shrugged his shoulders, "Yeah but you know I will come back, whatever happens."

Before he left, Deidara stood beside her, "And sorry but I cannot come to visit you on your birthday this year. I'll be busy so I compensate by visiting you today."

"Who asked? I don't even ask you to see me again after what have you fucking done. What the hell is 'compensate', huh? Nothing can redeem your betrayal to our village."

"Nah, come on. I know you will miss me a lot."

"Stop talking that way and fuck off right now."

"Okay, but always bear in mind that it is a fact I'll see you-" The boy was brusquely cut off, "When will you leave, you asshole? I cannot wait to see your back!", "-again. Until you love me, un." He continued despite her bitter response.

Naturally, she smiled at his words. But right away after that she slapped herself inwardly and a short interrogation with her own self started and ended inside her head. She could never accept that. Why did she even smile with a crazy nukenin just because of his flirtatious words?

An idea suddenly flashed through her head. "But if I acknowledge that out loud now will you stop visiting me?"

"Acknowledge what, Kurotsuchi, mmm?" The blond grinned mischievously, tilting her chin up. 'He knows it! Damn!' She huffed, "You're such an idiot."'He is suggesting that I should acknowledge I love him!'

"I will not stop if you only acknowledge that I'm an idiot, un."

He pulled her chin close and put his lips on hers as he had always done. "I expect you to reciprocate this multiple times, yeah, maybe the next time I come-"

"It'll be much easier if you don't come at all!"

"No."

Winter Festival.

"Hi, are you guys a couple now?" Again, the dango lady asked them. The blond girl confusedly looked at her and realised why the woman meant so as she remembered she was holding Deidara's hand. "Not really, miss. Like we are now a couple of … errr…". "Something more than close friends." He prompted her. "… super close friends! Yeah a couple of super close friends, even more than close friends!"

"What the hell, Kurotsuchi? We are visibly lovers, mmm." He muttered under his breath. She rolled her eyes when she took their takeaway and put a dango stick in his mouth. "Shut up."

He grinned and chewed the food happily, "Oh, this tastes superb, yeah." She raised an eyebrow, "Of course, that's why we buy dango here in the first place. You're saying silly things."

"No, I mean, it tastes good because you feed me, un. Can you-"

"No, I'm not your mom."

"No, you-"

"No."

"No mama! Feed meeeeeee!" He tried to cling to her like a child and she had to push him away with all her might not to let him come any closer. "Shit! Shut up, will you?" She gritted her teeth as she noticed some passer-by began to stare at them. At last, after having tried all methods she could think of to make him stop yet in vain, the kunoichi had to temporarily hinder his ability to speak by cramming dango into his mouth. "But okay, yes, if you want to, son, I will indulge you to death. Now shut up." Her mind casted back to the day Naime had had to say hi with the toilet just because her mouth was filled with too much dango. 'If I remember correctly, it was four sticks', she gloated as she was going to put the fifth stick in his big mouth. 'If I can put five sticks I believe six is not an impossible number.'

"No, stop…"

Deidara had to laugh on the other side of his face, "Stop…" Kurotsuchi couldn't help laughing at his ridiculously desperate expression. "I've said I would feed you to death. Open your mouth now, honeyyyy" Kurotsuchi grinned and Deidara failed to escape from her grip.

"No… this is… awful. You're an… awful mom…"

"You shouldn't say that son-" Before she finished her sentence, he had managed to break away from her. "Oh no, where are you going? I've yet to discuss with you your bad grades today! And now your bad behaviour!" She chased him around.

"Hi boy? You want to buy flowers again? Oh, looks like it's not your girlfriend who is petulant today - you look a bit sulky."

"Of course, I am." He groaned with half of his mouth still full of dango. "All because of her. You know any type that suggests stuff like, umm, tenderness, yeah? I want her to look at the flower and learn something from it, like she should become less aggres-" His hair was pulled with the greatest force she could muster the instant she arrived. "OUCHHH WHY? BABY STOP PLEASE!", "What the hell is 'baby', son? Mama has been looking out for you. Now open your mouth..." He shook his head with fear and resistance while three sticks of dango were firmly on her hands.

"Let's see who would be your saviour now." The blond grinned, but then she quickly stopped as the man failed to hold back his laughter, "You guys are so funny, haha. Yeah, this festival is really just like a theatre." It was now that her mind registered where they were: in front of a flower shop. "Oh, and about tenderness… I've got this."

The shop owner held out a modest yet lovely bunch of violets. "Violets' gentle and calming presence is often used to convey messages of sincerity, love, and peacefulness." She turned to look at the black-haired boy, "What the fuck is this?" She glanced at the bunch on the shop owner's hand. "This does not match me at all."

"Yes, that's the point, un. I think I'll buy this for you so that as you watch it daily you may gradually acquire some knowledge about how not to be viol-" His hair was pulled again. "Yes, thanks for your recommendation. Your flowers are always as lovely as your marriage." She made her purchase and pulled Deidara out of the place. "Thanks for your compliment, girl. Oh, and have fun with your boyf-, wait no…" As the man seemed to be finding a better word to express his thoughts, she paused and stood right there curiously, the boy's hair was still in her hands. After a few seconds, he chuckled "I mean, your… future husband, yeah."

'What the hEll He tHinks hE iS FUCKING SAYING?'

She froze. Even Deidara tensed. They had never, ever thought about the possibility.

She looked at him and he did the exact same thing to her. 'Possible' and 'Impossible' were irrelevant expressions. In a moment, she was reminded of all the complicated things that had evolved between them. She was reminded who they were at the moment. A kunoichi who dearly loved and was inseparable from Iwagakure. A missing-nin who betrayed and was abhorred by Iwagakure. At the first glance there seemed to be little distance between them, yet in fact the distance was inconceivable. She could not understand his outrageous thoughts and ideas. Nor could he empathise with her difficulties, which he often perceived as self-inflicted. He was a nukenin and given what she knew about his personality and disposition, she knew he would continue to be a nukenin until the day he died, which would arrive soon. She was an Iwa-nin and she knew she would be loyal to the village until the day she died, which she would make sure didn't come soon. Self-evidently, they clashed and couldn't be together. And he visited her like twice a year and only when she had almost forgotten his existence – yeah but that was quite an exaggeration, she thought to herself bitterly. How could she forget and cast his part off her life if the boy was so important to her now? But even when they met in person, she couldn't find pure happiness. It always had to be mixed with some kind of pain and regret. And hatred. And the feeling of guilt. All the kisses or physical surely could not be merely on impulse. But at the same time, they were not entirely and truly out of love. For Kurotsuchi, for all practical purposes, they came from some sort of longing and fear inside her. She missed him for months and they were an outlet for feelings that had accumulated every single day. She feared they could be the last pieces of memory she could create with him. Intimacy was no stranger to them even before he left, after all. It was just he developed something new and went further a little bit. To put it simply, she couldn't love him and marriage is unthinkable.

Deidara knew that, too. He was well aware of their intangible gap which he was trying to bridge and the unavoidable predicament. He also knew very well who they were, too. But he had yet to think about how their relationship would end up down the road. Where love would go. How he would be able handle things. How she would deal with the complications of time and future. Everything was uncertain and the prospect of they being happy together is as tiny as the microscopic bombs released when he used C4. A day of reckoning would definitely come and something would surely come to an end. Bliss would cease and very likely, a figure who was always there would no longer be there. He could foresee nothing positive - the path they'd chosen diverge vastly. But whatever happens, he still wanted to get what he wanted. He didn't simply want her love, he wanted her. He wanted her to forever stay there and wait for him. He wanted her to miss him. He wanted her to understand him. He wanted her to free herself from her own restrictions and enjoy spending with him a little bit more. He wanted he could go to visit her whenever he felt like and was received with a warmer welcome. He wanted her never to shed a tear again when she thought about the reality. He wanted them to be truly happy when they were with each other, even only for about two hours each time and two times in one year. Granted, he had yet to find a solution to the mess that they had caused, or probably that had existed, inherently, even before they had caused anything or developed anything for each other. What if their attachment harmed her or went to the wall one day? How would he or she cope with it? What would the end be like? How terrible could it be?

He looked at her, his thumb slowly brushing her palm. He couldn't say anything, nor could she. They silently walked away, together, hand in hand. Disquiet was thick in the atmosphere, despite the hustle and bustle surrounding them. The warm, resplendent space could not light up the darkness of the future. Cheerful laughters failed to drown out the loud sounds of breakage in her eyes. He could hear it. Her fingers laced with his weaklier and weaklier.

"I know what's wrong and why it's wrong, yeah." Deidara raised his voice.

"Can you make it less wrong?"

"Well, no."

She sighed. "I think we should stop this shit. I wasn't born for you and you weren't born for me either. I think this may sound illogical but it seems like, yeah, fate has decided that we couldn't-"

"No, if you weren't born for me then who do you think you were born for? If things are as what they are now then-"

"I could be born for no one, you asshole."

"No one but me, un. If things are as they are now, then why wouldn't you change yourself instead of trying to change an unchangeable situation? You can appreciate the time you spent with me more, and you can also stop battling with your own self because even when you do so you have spent time with me anyway. You are not revealing information about Iwagakure and I'm not killing anyone or stealing anything from this village when I come to see you. I mean, apart from your heart and some kisses from you, yeah." She flushed at his latter words. 'What the hell, this bastard…' "I want to see you be purely happy when you meet me. I want you to temporarily forget what has been festering in your mind. We have like 4 hours per 365 days. It's not a good time limit, you know."

"But it's not that easy." She pursed her lips. "You don't understand."

"I'm trying to. But if you don't even try, how could you know?"

"It's hard. Very hard."

"I know."

"You don't know anything at all."

It was not Deidara's placating words that hurted. It was neither his appearance. It was the reality which felt like a knife cut. A kunoichi who dearly loved and was inseparable from Iwagakure. A missing-nin who betrayed and was abhorred by Iwagakure. They continued to make their way through the crowd. At the first glance there seemed to be little distance between them, yet in fact the distance was inconceivable. They bought some food and Kurotsuchi occasionally fed him. She could not understand his outrageous thoughts and ideas. Nor could he empathise with her difficulties, which he often perceived as self-inflicted. When she was playing darts or catching fish for fun, he sometimes hung one arm loosely around her shoulders and more often than not, kissed her cheeks. He was a nukenin and given what she knew about his personality and disposition, she knew he would continue to be a nukenin until the day he died, which would arrive soon. She was an Iwa-nin and she knew she would be loyal to the village until the day she died, which she would make sure didn't come soon. And when the festival ended, she looked at him again. She stood opposite him. Self-evidently, they clashed. They clashed. They both knew it.

"Wow?" But they could be together. Right now.

She didn't want to think about the future anymore. Right now, he was standing in front of her, his hand holding hers. He wore civilian clothes with no cloak and his goddamn forehead protector. He looked very familiar, affable and gentle. His other hand held a bunch of violets. She asked herself if anyone had ever seen this uncharacteristic side of him.

Kurotsuchi reluctantly raised a small smile.

You know what? Alright of course how could you know if I don't even tell you anything, right? I think you don't care either! But I'll still tell you something:Đ Like for all the previous days I've worked hard to finish and fine-tune my work and yesterday was the day I had decided to fix everything for the last time but when I clicked the link of like nothing happened - I couldn't get access to the website and I was like distraught trying to find ways to get access to it. At first, I thought the problem lay in my VPN in Vietnam like that with Wattpad (alright it's not a really nice thing to talk about but like Wattpad didn't let me get access to its app and website cuz so many websites in Vietnam had stolen stories from Wattpad so it banned us all TvT) but even after I've changed my VPN and fixed my problem with Wattpad, which I've delayed fixing by turning to , I still couldn't get access to its website. Granted I could work on Wattpad, but all the important data was in so I was helpless. Suddenly I remembered it had a twitter/X account and I've found out the real problem. I'm too lazy to talk about it now but eventually the problem's been fixed and I have to rush to finish refining 10 chapters all at once because tomorrow is Monday and I'll have to be back to school இ௰இ

Have fun with your loved ones!