The End is the beginning
Chapter 8 - Quiproquo
That evening, the young man trudged laboriously through the corridors of the Shinra building to his quarters. Occasionally, his usually sharp vision blurred, and he barely managed to steady himself against the walls to keep from collapsing. The throbbing pain in his abdomen intensified, while waves of nausea churned his stomach.
The tests he had undergone this time had been more grueling than usual, with probably double doses of Mako injected into him. Exhausted, he finally reached his door, leaning against it to keep his balance, and fumbled for his key card buried deep in his uniform. In his condition, even simple tasks like sliding a card into an electronic lock became monumental challenges. Thankfully, the corridors were deserted at this late hour, and no one crossed his path. The tiny LED above the handle switched from bright red to green, indicating that he had finally succeeded in opening the door.
As soon as he crossed the threshold, he collapsed, gasping for air. The relentless buzzing in his temples merged with the excruciating cacophony that seemed to have taken residence in his skull. He struggled to his feet and attempted to undo his belt buckle when suddenly, his hands flew to his mouth. His stomach, impatient, decided to protest by expelling the meager meal he had eaten that day. He hurried to the bathroom without wasting a second. What would people think of him, the Great Hero, if they saw him in such a pitiful state, hunched over the toilet, his stomach wracked by violent, uncontrollable spasms? It was a lamentable scene, especially for what were supposed to be simple Mako injections! However, these "simple injections" had been spiked with some additional homemade ingredients capable of sending an ordinary man six feet under! But that, he did not know.
As far back as he could remember, visits to the lab, regularly arranged by his alleged father, often left him sick, but never like this. Never had he felt the overwhelming need to empty his stomach in such a manner. Never had the pulsing pain in his temples reached such intensity...
After long minutes in this agonizing state, a sound faintly reached his ears. Or perhaps he was hallucinating, imagining noises, echoes in his head? It mattered little; his mind was not on it. Honestly, his mind was blank; all he wanted was to fall asleep and only wake up when he felt better... or never wake up at all! New cramps surged, forcing him once more to empty the contents of his stomach, or rather the "non-contents," as by now, his exhausted stomach had nothing left to offer but some gastric juices, making the situation even more painful.
Suddenly, a familiar presence near him alerted him:
"Sephiroth! By the planet, what's happening to you!"
The moment Theia pushed the bathroom door ajar, horror washed over her face.
This was the last thing he wanted on this planet: for her to see him like this, in such a miserable state! The young SOLDIER would have preferred to order her to leave, to get out! Not to worry about him! To mind her own business! But he couldn't articulate a single word without fearing his stomach would betray and humiliate him further in front of her.
Still, he managed to pull away from his companion's embrace as she knelt beside him, placing her hand on his forehead in alarm:
"You're burning with fever! No wonder you're drenched in sweat!"
He weakly pushed her away, but the petite redhead ignored him. She stood up, grabbed a damp cloth, and wiped his forehead. Then she tied his hair back with a ribbon and helped him remove his trench coat and gloves. Too defeated to react, Sephiroth let her do it.
Gradually, the cramps subsided, and he began to regain his senses. The young woman stayed by his side, regularly wiping his sweat-soaked forehead.
"What happened to you? I've never seen you this sick," she ventured.
"The Mako..."
"The Mako?" she repeated, perplexed.
He nodded.
"They injected me with it earlier... in a high dose, I imagine," he articulated with difficulty.
"Mako, even in high doses, doesn't make you this sick! What did they mix it with?" Theia, not easily fooled, was alarmed and puzzled by her companion's sometimes excessive naivety.
Without waiting for his response, she continued:
"Why do you keep going through this? All these tests and experiments Hojo puts you through?"
"If it's not on me... it'll be on someone else..."
Without meeting her gaze, he tried to stand. Theia stood as well and, seeing him wobble, wrapped her arm around him to support him. Without a word, she guided him to his bedroom. There, she helped him lie down and sat next to him.
"Being sick isn't a shame, you know. Despite what everyone thinks, you're not invincible..." she said softly.
The warrior gave an amused smile in response to this remark. She had always been the only one to see him as a normal individual, as someone human. Maybe that was one of the reasons he loved her. She never looked at him with fearful eyes, never treated him differently. Yet he was aware of his difference, deep down. It wasn't just because of his unique appearance, but something else, a reason still obscure to him, one he would tragically discover.
As a child, he hadn't attended school. Professor Gast had taken care of his education. Then, when Gast disappeared when Sephiroth was only four, other tutors, all more unpleasant than the last, took over. He never had the chance to interact with other children his age.
As a teenager, he joined SOLDIER and was quickly deployed to the front lines. His exploits during the war swiftly elevated him to First Class, and Shinra made him the iconic Great Hero he was today. Subsequently, many of the richest and most beautiful women, and even some men, showed growing interest in him. All desperately sought his attention and favors. Naturally, everyone agreed on their dazzling beauty, and it was hard not to succumb to their irresistible charms. Yet, he could always detect a hint of fear deep in their eyes when they looked at him. And that always held him back from surrendering to their arms.
However, for the young woman sitting before him, looking at him with infinite tenderness, everything had been different. It took considerable courage and audacity to pass as a man and join SOLDIER! It required a strong character to team up with him! To dare to become his friend, to make him smile, to make him... fall in love. Yes, she was exceptional, undeniably. And of exceptional beauty, despite her vaguely masculine appearance. Always there for him, she never judged him. Always smiling, she never blamed him. She was everything he lacked. She knew how to calm him, how to support him, with a simple gesture, a single word.
"Sleep. I'll stay by your side."
Obediently, he let himself be enveloped by a gentle wave of sleep and closed his eyes, gradually drifting into dreams, while becoming aware of the depth of his feelings...
The office door suddenly swung open, crashing against the wall. One of the scientists appeared, breathless from sprinting down the halls:
"Sir, he's regained consciousness!" he exclaimed, panting.
Vincent and Reeve exchanged quick glances before hurrying to the laboratory where the head of the department awaited them.
"Berny, is he really awake?" Reeve asked, clutching his side and breathing heavily, not used to such exertion.
"Yes, he's awake, or at least, according to the monitors," replied the young researcher, scratching the back of his head with a pen.
"What do you mean 'according to the monitors'? Is he conscious or not?" demanded the president.
"Well...see for yourself," Berny suggested.
He led them to a large window overlooking the recovery room. The former SOLDIER was indeed awake, his distinctive pupils wide open. He stared blankly at the ceiling, seemingly disconnected from his surroundings.
"Has anyone gone in to see him?" Reeve asked.
"No, sir. Everyone is too afraid of his reaction. No one dares enter."
"And you call yourselves professionals!" the new president rebuked.
The young professor lowered his gaze, embarrassed.
"I'll go see him," Vincent declared.
His colleague nodded immediately. He knew that if anything went wrong, the former TURK would handle it appropriately.
Vincent carefully inserted his card into the magnetic lock of the sliding door and entered the room. Once inside, he remained still, watching for any reaction from the warrior. But the latter stayed impassive, prompting Vincent to approach the bed cautiously. After a few steps, a faint voice suddenly spoke:
"Where am I?"
Surprised, Vincent didn't respond immediately. He scrutinized his son's face, which hadn't moved, eyes still fixed on the ceiling.
"You...you're in Junon, at the Shinra facility. You have nothing to fear," he finally reassured.
"Hojo...he brought me here, didn't he?"
"No. Hojo is dead. We killed him," Vincent replied gravely.
The former SOLDIER finally turned to him:
"He's...dead?" he repeated, stunned.
"Yes. Several months ago. I dealt the final blow."
Vincent noticed the young man's sigh of relief. Hojo was dead. Finally. After all those years of suffering and humiliation, the madman had met his deserved fate.
"What do you remember, Sephiroth?"
The SOLDIER frowned, struggling to recall his last memories:
"I remember...the reactor at Nibelheim, our mission. Zack and I entered it. We eliminated one of those monsters..."
He paused, troubled by the fragments of his memory.
"Then everything's blurry, like a dream...I remember a woman's voice in my head, the library, and the reports I read...and after that...flames...screams, people yelling...the fight against Zack at the reactor...then nothing..."
Distressed, he sat up and faced his interlocutor:
"What happened? And who are you?"
He remembered nothing, or very little. Vincent took a moment to decide how much to reveal.
"You were manipulated by Jenova," the TURK began, but was interrupted.
"Jenova? My mother?"
"Jenova wasn't your mother!" Vincent retorted vehemently, to Sephiroth's bewilderment.
"Your true mother, the woman who carried and birthed you, who loved you while you were still in her womb, was Lucrecia Crescent. Jenova was a creature from space that crashed on our planet two thousand years ago and destroyed the Cetra. Shinra scientists found her in the ice around thirty years ago and brought her to Nibelheim for study. Hojo used you as an experiment. He implanted you with her genes while you were still a fetus and lied to you about your origins."
The steady beeping of the heart monitor quickened.
"Who...who are you?"
"My name is Vincent Valentine. I was the TURK assigned to protect the scientists working on the Jenova project, including Hojo, Professor Gast, and your mother. I...I was present when she was pregnant with you..."
The monitor's frenzied beeps betrayed Sephiroth's emotions, despite his stoic expression. His mind was in turmoil.
"If this woman..."
"Lucrecia," Vincent corrected, not liking his son referring to her so casually.
"If she was my real mother...then Hojo was my father? They were together, right?"
Vincent swallowed hard and glanced at the window, seeking support from his friend, who was observing the conversation.
"It's...complicated. Your mother and Hojo were married, but it was a marriage of convenience. They never loved each other. When you're fully recovered and in a more private setting, I can tell you more. For now, would you let a doctor examine you to check your overall health?"
Sephiroth nodded, thoughtful. With his head lowered, his long silver hair obscuring his face, he stared at his clenched fists. Vincent signaled to Reeve to send in a doctor.
After a few minutes of silence, Berny entered with a stethoscope, and Sephiroth continued:
"What happened? Why am I here?"
The scientist took a seat on a small rolling stool, and Vincent stepped back to allow him to examine the SOLDIER.
"Five years ago, you were sent to Nibelheim on a mission. We may never know if Hojo planned what happened...Jenova, the creature you discovered in the reactor, manipulated and controlled your mind. She..."
Vincent took a deep breath, ready to share difficult details.
"She drove you mad. She made you do terrible things in that village. Zack tried to stop you but failed. It was Cloud, the young guard with you, who ended your madness. He mortally wounded you and threw you into the reactor's core."
Meanwhile, Berny had briefly listened to Sephiroth's heart and was now wrapping a blood pressure cuff around his arm.
"You were found unconscious but physically unharmed near the Northern Crater by an Icicle Lodge explorer. We brought you here to Junon a few days ago. We don't know how you survived. Perhaps the Lifestream granted you a second chance?"
A bitter smile crossed Sephiroth's melancholic face.
"A second chance? That's absurd! I did 'terrible things,' you say? I remember flames, screams...I burned the entire town, didn't I? Dozens died because of me! I got what I deserved! A second chance...for what? I can't bring the dead back!"
His voice trembled with emotion. The scientist paused his examination, and both he and Vincent listened empathetically.
"I'm just the product of a failed experiment...I have nothing and no one here. So why was I brought back? It makes no sense!"
A memory of a red-haired woman with an angelic face surfaced:
"Theïa..."
What had become of her over the years? His thoughts of his former companion deepened his despair.
"You're wrong, Sephiroth," Vincent said calmly. "You have a son. Even if you didn't want him back then..."
"No, you're mistaken. I never had a child," Sephiroth corrected.
Vincent and Berny exchanged glances.
Surprised, Vincent assumed it was amnesia and explained:
"You may not remember, but you had a relationship with a woman..."
"I remember her well," Sephiroth interrupted again. "And I remember that everyone thought she was a man and our relationship was hidden. So how do you know?"
The young scientist decided to step in:
"Not everyone thought she was a man. She was a friend of mine. I handled her injections and her scientific records so she could pass as a man. I also discovered her pregnancy through her blood tests. She was pregnant with your child when you left for that mission."
"We broke up before that mission! We never had a child!" Sephiroth insisted. "I don't know what she told you, but you're wrong! She...she was seeing someone else. If she had a child, it wasn't mine!"
The young professor was taken aback. According to Theïa's confidences, she had revealed her pregnancy to Sephiroth before leaving SOLDIER to return to her mother in Mideel. The memory of her tearful voice as she recounted Sephiroth's cold reaction still resonated with him.
"I don't know where you got that idea, but no, she wasn't seeing anyone else. I knew her well enough to know that..."
"I caught them, her and him," Sephiroth asserted stubbornly. "He said they couldn't hide their relationship much longer, and she said she'd never leave him!"
The scientist winced. Theïa had also told him about Sephiroth overhearing their conversation in the hotel room, the morning he learned the news.
"When...when did you hear this conversation?" Berny stammered.
"One morning, before I left for Nibelheim..."
"It was in the old Blue Lounge hotel room in Midgar, wasn't it?"
Sephiroth nodded. He and the scientist exchanged confused looks.
"I...I think it was me you overheard with her that morning. We were talking about her pregnancy...and...she was talking about your child. I had suggested...solutions to end the pregnancy, which she refused. But she feared your reaction. After all, your relationship was hidden and..."
The monitor's beeping escalated into a deafening cacophony, amplifying the already intense discomfort among the three men.
The old warrior fell silent, stunned. The memory of that fateful morning replayed in his mind:
"Tell me."
As he had risen, ready to leave their bed at dawn to return to the tower, she had held him by the arm, looking at him almost desperately, repeating:
"Please, tell me! You've never said it!"
"Why are you asking me this?" he had retorted.
She had lowered her eyes, uncomfortable.
"I just… I just need you to say it… please, Sephiroth…"
He had sighed.
"Theia, I really have to go. I'm late."
He had then left their room, their shared sanctuary. Walking quickly towards the immense building, he had slowed his pace midway. From the inner pocket of his jacket, he had carefully extracted a tiny box. He avoided wearing the characteristic trench coat of his uniform when visiting her, aware that it made him too easily recognizable. He also took care to hide his long hair under a plain cap.
He had acquired the ring inside that small box several weeks prior, nurturing the desire to formally express his feelings. The thought of making their relationship official had been with him for a long time. However, given his notoriety, he knew that the media would seize this news, necessitating her departure from SOLDIER to regain her true identity. But was she ready to make that sacrifice?
Taking a deep breath, he had turned back, ready to take the plunge. As he approached the hotel, with its doors lined up one after another leading outside, he had heard voices emanating from their room:
"You'll have to tell him sooner or later anyway. He'll figure it out himself eventually."
"Yes, I know. I can't hide it from him for long."
"Do you think it will be okay?"
"I don't know… But don't worry. No matter what he says or does, I won't abandon you… never… that's not an option…"
Haunted by this memory, Sephiroth suddenly stood up, easily tearing off the few wires connecting him to the various medical machines, which fell silent instantly, and walked to the back of the room. There, he leaned, hands flat, head bowed, on the stainless-steel dresser that held tubes, gauze, syringes, and other medical supplies.
Lost in his thoughts, his hands clenched, and he closed his eyes for a moment to try to calm the turmoil of his emotions.
"Do you… do you know where they are? She and the child?" he ventured.
"The child is in Nibelheim," Vincent replied immediately.
Berny turned to him, surprised:
"How do you know?"
"I met them there some time ago," Vincent explained. "The boy is with his grandmother."
"With his grandmother?" Sephiroth repeated.
"Yes. Sephiroth, that young woman is… she…"
Vincent swallowed hard. He didn't know the extent of his son's attachment to this young woman and feared his reaction. He would have sincerely wished to spare him the burden of mourning his former companion, but he knew that was impossible.
"She what?" the ex-SOLDIER insisted.
"Theia is dead, Sephiroth," the scientist confessed gravely.
The news hit Sephiroth like a hammer blow, and he turned to face the two men, incredulous.
"She died from complications during childbirth. Even if you had been there, you couldn't have done anything…" Berny added, his voice deeply marked by sadness.
As a heavy silence settled in the room, the warrior stood there, frozen, struggling to grasp the reality of the situation.
"Leave me alone… please…" he murmured.
The imploring tone left them no choice, and they left the room without insisting.
In the adjacent room, Berny lowered the blinds on the window to give the ex-SOLDIER a semblance of privacy, hoping he wouldn't turn the room upside down in a fit of mismanaged anger.
After a few moments of silence, Reeve began:
"They had a misunderstanding?"
"That's what I understand," Vincent replied. "He did overhear the conversation between Berny and her that morning, but the words she said misled him. He thought she was talking to another man. He thought she was cheating on him. In that context, it's understandable that he was so easily manipulated by Jenova. As for her, she thought he was ending their relationship because of the child she was carrying…"
"You both made a mistake, didn't you?"
"We both didn't know he wasn't aware," the TURK admitted.
He lifted the wide band covering his forehead to massage his temples. All of this had destabilized him. Driven by a surge of benevolence dictated by Sephiroth's distress, he had simply wanted to show his son that life was still worth living and that having a child could be a good enough reason. He hadn't expected to discover that events hadn't unfolded quite as the boy's grandmother had told him.
"Do you… do you think it would have happened… I mean, do you think he would have gone mad if he had known that day?"
"I don't know. Knowing you're a father… changes a lot of things…" Vincent argued, also thinking a bit of himself.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the wall, Sephiroth hadn't moved. Static, his arms still stretched out in front of him, he tried in vain to calm his frantic heartbeat. In his head, the last moments he had spent with his partner, five years earlier, played and replayed:
From his office, his exceptional hearing had caught the young woman's approaching footsteps. She had knocked three sharp taps on the door, to which he hadn't responded. Despite this, he had heard her enter and ask, a little confused:
"Sephiroth? Is everything okay?"
With his arms crossed behind his back, facing the glass that offered an impressive view of the city below, he hadn't wanted to look at her. The feeling of betrayal was too great, and he wasn't sure he could maintain a distant attitude if his eyes had met her sapphire blue ones.
"Get out… I didn't authorize you to enter…" he had heard himself respond harshly.
After a few seconds of stunned silence, she had stammered:
"What… What's wrong with you?"
With all the self-control he had learned to exercise during his many years of tests under his father's hands, he forced himself to continue, colder than ever:
"I told you to leave. I don't want to see you. I don't want to see you anymore."
"I… I don't understand…"
"You don't understand? Let me explain: I overheard your conversation this morning with that man."
Behind him, he had felt the young woman's breath quicken.
"I'll be very clear: leave SOLDIER. Leave Midgar. And never come back, either of you. I never want to lay eyes on you again. Consider yourself lucky that I'm not revealing your little secret to the TURKS…"
With clenched fists, he had waited, hoping deep down that she would defend herself and deny the facts, that she would justify herself and come up with an explanation, even a flimsy one, so he could reconsider and change his mind. Unfortunately, he never had the chance to know if he could believe any alibi, as he heard the door slam after she ended their conversation with one last:
"I'm sorry…"
At the far too vivid memory of this sad misunderstanding, his throat tightened painfully. Tiny crystalline drops crashed onto the metal surface before him. Incredulous, he wiped his cheek with his fingers, just under his eye, and realized, staring at his trembling hand, that they were his own tears. When was the last time he had cried? In his childhood perhaps? He didn't even remember.
She hadn't betrayed him. She had never betrayed him. It was the conversation between that scientist and her that he had unfortunately overheard. That "Berny" had come to tell her… that she was pregnant.
As his vision blurred, he grasped the full extent of what he had done that day. Why hadn't she asked for more explanations? Why hadn't she gotten angry? He had never known her to be complacent and passive! Had she had so little faith in his feelings that she hadn't even objected when she thought he was rejecting them, their child and her?
Yes, because he had never found the courage to tell her that he loved her.
And today, it was too late. He had lost her, forever…
In a fit of rage, he violently swept all the medical equipment off the table. In a resounding crash, various vials and other test tubes shattered on the floor, scattering broken glass everywhere at his feet.
Alerted by the noise, Vincent immediately reappeared in the room:
"Ransacking the place won't change anything, you know…"
"I don't need your moral lessons!" he spat without bothering to turn around.
The brunet bent down and picked up the larger pieces of glass that had slid towards him.
"The past cannot be changed. Whatever mistakes we've made, we must learn to live with our sins. No matter the misunderstanding between you and her, you are still the father of that child. He no longer has his mother, and he needs you."
"You met him, didn't you?"
"Yes. As I said earlier, I spent the last few weeks with him and his grandmother…"
They remained silent for a few seconds.
The warrior pressed his eyelids with his fingertips to stop his tears from escaping. In his mind, the still-fuzzy memory of his friend's voice echoed:
"He was beginning to understand.
"You're going to let me return to Nibelheim, after what I've done?" he asked, skeptical.
"You can't really be held responsible for what happened that day. Officially, you died five years ago. Jenova has been destroyed, so I don't think you're a threat anymore…"
Vincent knew he was going out on a limb with such statements and that he would have to negotiate with Reeve not only to let the warrior go but also to keep the secret and not reveal anything to Cloud or the other members of their former group. The situation promised to be delicate.
Nevertheless, his desire to help his son surpassed all concerns. The idea of seeing the warrior freed from the chains of his grim destiny, even if it meant perilous compromises, motivated him beyond measure.
A brief glimmer of hope shone in the jade eyes facing him.
"When can I leave?" he asked decisively.
End of chapter