The Mayhem Critic
Aloha, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker and I am back with another hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Previously on The Mayhem Critic, Halloween Havoc VI continues as Sean reviewed Scream 4 and dealt with Ghostface. Today, Halloween Havoc VI is still going on as Sean reviews Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives, the third film in the "Jarvis Trilogy" and what is considered to be the best of the franchise. Will Jason's comeback be epic or a total failure like Friday the 13th: A New Beginning? Well, sit back, relax and put on your Alice Cooper eyeliner. This is the newest chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Enjoy.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All rights and references belong to their respective sources. Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives is owned by Paramount Pictures.
Halloween Havoc Part VI: Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives
(The 2023 opening for Halloween Havoc VI starts, opening with footage of Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter)
Sean Stack: (V/O) 1984: Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter was released in theaters, which marked the death of Jason Voorhees...
(The poster for Friday the 13th: A New Beginning is shown, followed by footage from the movie)
Sean Stack: (V/O) ...until in 1985, they released Friday the 13th: A New Beginning, which is the second chapter of the "Jarvis Trilogy", but that one didn't do well in theaters and fans were disappointed by it because it didn't have Jason in it. Plus, the production was plagued with hardcore drug use and the ending of the film setting Tommy Jarvis up as the new killer. Bu that didn't work out.
(We then cut to footage of Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives)
Sean Stack: (V/O) But in 1986, Friday the 13th Part VI was released and we witnessed the return of Jason Voorhees and fans considered this film to be the best entry in the franchise. Will Jason's big comeback be epic? Will it have another cameo (A shot of Corey Feldman as Tommy Jarvis is shown) from Corey Feldman as Tommy Jarvis? Will we see (A shot of Alice Cooper from the (He's Back) The Man Behind the Mask music video is shown) an Alice Cooper music video?
(The foggy cityscape is now shown as Sean Stack walks out in front of the camera)
"I can tell you now, we'll be singing that catchy as hell song after this review. I'm Sean Stack and welcome to Halloween Havoc." Sean nods.
(The words that slide down the purple bars are follows: "Mayhem Critic", "Jason Voorhees", "Hockey Mask", "Camp Crystal Lake", "Remember Friday the 13th: The Series?", "Tommy Jarvis", "Tony Goldwyn Before Ghost", "Sex and Drugs and Alcohol. Big No-Nos!", "Halloween Havoc". The "reviewed" clips include those from the reviews of Batman: Mask of the Phantasm, Alien 3, Beetlejuice, Bordello of Blood and Tremors. After the intro ends, we open with our favorite residential movie critic Sean J. Archer, a.k.a. the Mayhem Critic, sitting on his couch as he prepares to talk about the topic of today's review.)
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one." Sean said. "I wanna talk about Friday the 13th Part VI."
(The title screen for "Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives" is shown, followed by clips from the movie while the song "(He's Back) The Man Behind the Mask" by Alice Cooper plays in the background)
Sean: (Narrating) Hell, yeah. Now we're talkin'! Released in theaters on August 1st, 1986, Friday the 13th Part VI is the sixth entry in the franchise and it is also the third part of the "Jarvis Trilogy". After the reception of Friday the 13th: A New Beginning and after the producers originally wanting Tommy Jarvis to be the new antagonist at the end of Part V, fans didn't like it, so the producers brought back Jason Voorhees, plus ignoring the events of Part V. Producer Frank Mancuso Jr. hired director Tom McLoughlin to write and direct this one after he directed One Dark Night. He was given free reign on how he would present the story, on just one condition: that he would bring back Jason and make him the film's main villain. McLoughlin would also take this film in the direction of an old Universal Pictures monster movie by making Jason a supernatural force. And with the film being a horror movie, McLoughlin does incorporate some metahumor into the mix before Scream did it. Oh yeah! This movie was meta way before Scream made meta a thing. Many fans consider Jason Lives to be a fan favorite of the series and it's the first in the series to get positive reviews from critics. We've got a lot of film to cover, so let's dive right in.
"Let's continue Halloween Havoc with Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives." Sean said.
(The movie opens with Tommy Jarvis, now played by Thom Matthews, driving to the cemetery with his friend Allen)
Sean: (Narrating) We open on a dark road, as we're introduced to Tommy Jarvis once again, this time played by Thom Matthews...
"Oh, great. That's two movies featuring Thom Matthews that I've reviewed for this month." Sean said, referring to this film and Return of the Living Dead Part II.
Sean: (Narrating) We see him and his buddy Allen Hawes, played by Ron Palillo, returning to Crystal Lake, now renamed Forest Green, after he escapes the looney bin. And we see that they turned Tommy into Dr. Loomis. Hell, he even says this awesome as hell line.
Tommy Jarvis (Played by Thom Matthews): Jason belongs in Hell, and I'm gonna see he gets there.
"Still one of my favorite lines from the movie." Sean said.
"Yeah, agreed." Brian said, sipping on his glass of sweet tea.
Sean: (Narrating) They break into the cemetery and they come across Jason's grave. Yeah, remember the cremation thing that they established back in Part V?
(A clip from Friday the 13th: A New Beginning is shown)
Mayor Cobb (Played by Ric Mancini): Jason Voorhees is dead! His body was cremated. He's nothing but a handful of ash.
Sheriff Tucker (Played by Marco St. John): (Stands up firmly) You know that for sure, Mayor? Were you there? Did you see him cremated?
"Yeah. Totally forgotten. It never happened." Sean said.
(Tommy and Allen come across Jason's grave)
Allen Hawes (Played by Ron Palillo): Okay, there it is, huh? There's his grave. Okay, let's go.
Tommy Jarvis: Wait a second.
Allen Hawes: What?
(Tommy grabs a shovel)
Tommy Jarvis: I got to be sure.
(Tommy and Allen start digging up Jason's grave while music from the arcade game Dig-Dug plays in the background)
Sean: (Narrating) They finish digging up Jason's grave, but Tommy's not finished yet as he opens the coffin, revealing Jason's corpse, which is pretty messed up. In other words, Jason is maggot food. And Tommy starts having Corey Feldman flashbacks.
Tommy Jarvis (Played by Corey Feldman): (V/O) Die! Die!
Trish Jarvis (Played by Kimberly Beck): (V/O) Tommy!
Tommy Jarvis: Die!
Trish Jarvis: Tommy!
Tommy Jarvis: Die!
"Well, at least Thom Matthews don't have to deal with that douchebag Joseph Zito." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) After that little flashback, Tommy snaps as he pulls up an iron fence and starts taking his anger out on the dead body.
Tommy Jarvis: Bastard!
(Tommy stabs Jason's dead body with the iron fence post repeatedly)
Allen Hawes: Oh, shit.
Tommy Jarvis: Bastard!
(Tommy impales Jason with the iron fence post and yells)
"Suddenly, Tommy thinks that Jason is a friggin' vampire." Sean said.
Tommy Jarvis: (Throws Jason's mask in the grave) Yeah, fuck you, Jason.
"What could possibly go wrong?" Brian asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Just as Tommy gets ready to douse the body in gasoline, a bolt of lightning hits the iron fence post... twice. And they say that lightning doesn't strike twice. And because of this, Jason is alive and he wants some payback.
(Jason grabs Tommy. Allen screams and runs away while Jason tries to pull Tommy in the grave. Tommy manages to break free and opens the can of gasoline while Jason climbs out of his grave. Tommy starts throwing gasoline on Jason and reaches in his jacket to grab some matches. He strikes a match, but it starts raining, putting the flame out)
"Well, so much for cremating Jason. You done messed up, Jarvis." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Allen hits Jason in the back of the head with a shovel, but Jason gives him a Mortal Kombat-style fatality by punching him through his chest and ripping out his heart. Oh, and Allen goes into Jason's grave. Tommy retreats while Jason puts on his hockey mask as he gets ready to kill again.
(Jason turns around to face the audience. The camera zooms in on his face and his eye, in which we get a James Bond-style intro. Jason swings his machete as blood spills out, revealing the title "Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI")
"And Jason thinks that he's James Bond." Sean said.
(The movie's title screen is shown once more while the James Bond theme plays in the background)
Sean: (Narrating) After that awesome opening accompanied with Harry Manfredini's music score, we see the unstoppable killing machine known as Jason, this time he's played by C.J. Graham, is going after Tommy, but Tommy stops at the sheriff's office where he warns Sheriff Mike Garris, played by David Kagen, that Jason is alive.
Tommy Jarvis: Jason's alive. He killed my friend. Now he's coming for me.
Sheriff Garris (Played by David Kagen): You better cool out, boy. You already almost got your head blown off.
Tommy Jarvis: Will you listen, damn it?
Sheriff Garris: Don't piss me off, junior, or I'll repaint this offce with your brains.
"Well, Sheriff Brackett he ain't." Brian said.
Sheriff Garris: What's your name, son?
Tommy Jarvis: Well, Tommy Jarvis, but, look, we've got to do something. He's even more powerful now...
Sheriff Garris: Aren't you the kid whose mother and friends were killed by that maniac?
Tommy Jarvis: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jason murdered them.
Sheriff Garris: You've been in some psychiatric clinic ever since, haven't you?
"Dude, you trying to ask him about his life story is not helping. He's trying to tell you that there's a friggin' killer on the loose." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Since Sheriff Garris won't listen to Tommy and neither will Deputy Rick Cologne, played by Vincent Gustaferro before Horace Pinker jumped into his body, Tommy decides to take matters into his own hands by grabbing one of the sheriff's guns, which gets him in trouble.
Sheriff Garris: Now, that's what's known in the books as "screwing the pooch." Iron this punk.
Tommy Jarvis: No, wait. You gotta listen to me. Jason's coming here. He's after me! I tried to destroy him, but I fucked up.
Deputy Rick Cologne (Played by Vincent Gutaferro): You got that right, punk.
Sheriff Garris: You listen to me. I'm sorry about what happened to you and your folks years ago, but no one in Forest Green wants to be reminded of what that maniac did here. That's why we changed the name. People wanna forget this was Crystal Lake.
"Orginally, we were going to call it "Skye Blue", but that name was already taken. Then we were going to call it "Blake Blossom", but that name was also taken." Sean said, imitating Sheriff Garris while a picture of professional wrestler Skye Blue and a picture of porn star Blake Blossom is shown.
Sean: (Narrating) We cut to two camp counselors named Darren Robinson and Lisbeth Mott, played by Tony Goldwyn and Nancy McLoughlin.
"Fun fact: Nancy McLoughlin is the wife of the writer and director of this movie Tom McLoughlin. And of course we all know Tony Goldwyn. He was Fitz in the ABC show Scandal. Yes, I know. We all know him as the bad guy from Ghost. I want to mention another role from him besides Ghost. Name another role from besides Ghost.
(The poster for Disney's Tarzan is shown)
"Oh, yeah. He did voice Tarzan." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Darren and Lisbeth are on their way to Camp Forest Green, but she stops the car as she has the best survival instincts in a horror movie.
Lisbeth Mott (Played by Nancy McLoughlin): Darren, we better turn around.
Darren Robinson (Played by Tony Goldwyn): Why?
Lisbeth Mott: Because I've seen enough horror movies to know any weirdo wearing a mask is never friendly.
(Darren and Lisbeth see Jason standing out in the middle of the road while holding the fence post)
"Hey, it doesn't matter now. Jason's still going to kill you." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But Darren's dumbass has a better idea on how to get rid of Jason.
Darren Robinson: We're gonna scare him.
Lisbeth Mott: We're gonna scare him?
Darren Robinson: That's right. Just drive towards him. He'll move. Nobody wants to die.
Lisbeth Mott: Well, that's a freaking fact. Least of all us.
Darren Robinson: Will you just drive?
Sean starts to laugh a bit like Indiana Jones.
"You fucking idiot." Sean said with a smile on his face.
Sean: (Narrating) They try to scare Jason off, but it doesn't work out as Jason takes out one of their tires. Lisbeth wants to drive back to town, but Darren still wants to die when pulls out a gun from the glove compartment.
Lisbeth Mott: Where'd you get that?
Darren Robinson: Don't worry about it. Just stay cool.
Lisbeth Mott: Stay cool? You ain't Dirty Harry. Now, stop it.
"No, but he was Officer Bukovsky in the movie Kuffs. But then again, Dirty Harry carries around a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world. Until he upgraded to a .44 Auto Mag in Sudden Impact. What Darren is holding is a Herbert Schmidt .22 LR revolver. Dude, I have seen airguns with more power." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Darren decides to shoot Jason with that pathetic little cap gun, but Jason ends up killing Darren by turning him into a literal ghost. Then Jason goes after Lisbeth and she is forced to run, but she drops into a ditch and gets caught and she decides to give him some money so he won't kill her.
(As Jason approaches her, Lisbeth pulls out her wallet)
Lisbeth Mott: Please, wait a second. Please. Take these. Please. You can have the...
(Lisbeth sees that Jason has vanished. But Jason suddenly reappears over her and she screams. Jason jams the fence post into her, killing her. We see Lisbeth's American Express card floating in the puddle)
Sean: (V/O as Announcer) American Express. Never leave home without it.
Sean: (Narrating) The next day, Tommy wakes up in jail as Sheriff Garris arrive at the police station with a new batch of victims, I mean, camp counselors to report that Darren and Lisbeth haven't shown up yet. This here, we're introduced to the rest of the important characters: Megan Garris, the daughter of Sheriff Garris, played by Jennifer Cooke from V: The Series, Cort Andrews played by Tom Fridley, Lisbeth's sister Paula Mott played by Kerry Noonan and Sissy Baker played by Renee Jones.
Tommy Jarvis: I've got a bad feeling what might've happened to them. Well, hopefully they're fine, but with Jason out there...
Sheriff Garris: Shut up.
Megan Garris (Played by Jennifer Cooke): Jason who?
"Jason Wingreen, the voice of Boba Fett from The Empire Strikes Back. Don't tell me you don't know!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) Sheriff Garris tries to warn his daughter about Tommy and saying that he's dangerous, but being the rebellious teen that she is, Megan finds him interesting and she finds him very interesting while her father tries to shut him up.
Sissy Baker (Played by Renee Jones): You mean the Jason of Camp Blood?
Tommy Jarvis: Yes.
Sheriff Garris: No. You kids better leave. This boy is not well and I need to talk to him in private.
"I will not stand for this nonsense about him talking about Jason from Power Rangers taking out Darren and Lisbeth out with Pyramidas and he's the Zeo Gold Ranger. The point is the camp is fine." Sean said, imitating Sheriff Garris.
Megan Garris: Don't beat him up too bad, Dad. He's kind of cute.
(Tommy smiles at Megan)
Sheriff Garris: Megan, leave.
(Megan and her friends leave the station, leaving Tommy alone with Sheriff Garris)
Sheriff Garris: (To Tommy) I was gonna call that clinic and have them collect your ass, but I don't want you around here any longer, poisoning my daughter or anyone else with your warped sense of humor.
"Take a chill pill, Andy Taylor. It's not like he told your daughter that she's a fine piece of ass and wants to bone her." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Tommy tries to warn Garris, but Garris doesn't want to hear any of that crap from him, so he plans on ecorting him out of town like he's Sheriff Teasle from First Blood. Back at the cemetery, we see that the groundskeeper named Martin, played by Bob Larkin, sees that Jason's grave has been dug up, so he quickly covers it up so nobody would think that he's bad at his job.
Martin (Played by Bob Larkin) Why'd they have to go and dig up Jason? (Looks at the camera) Some folks have a strange idea of entertainment.
"Okay, that little moment was worth it. I just love that they added some humor to this one. God, I love this movie and it's writing." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Megan and the others arrived at Camp Forest Green and Paula is worried that Darren and Lisbeth hasn't shown up yet, but Megan still has her mind on Tommy and wanting to ride him in the jail cell.
Paula Mott (Played by Kerry Noonan): I don't know about that guy, Megan. He seemed pretty weird with all that Jason stuff.
Cort (Played by Tom Fridley): You know what you need, Megan? I've been telling you this forever. You need a guy like me.
"Besides, I'm the nephew of John Travolta. Yeah, none of you didn't know that. Hell, I just found out about that when I checked out Tom Fridley's IMDB page." Sean said.
Megan Garris: Just because our parents told us that Jason was only a legend doesn't mean it wasn't true. What if he did come back here, looking for the camp counselor that caused him to drown as a boy, searching fot the one that decapitated his vengeful mother?
"Uh, Megan. I hate to break it to you, but Jason already found that one person who decapitated his mother and that chick took an ice pick to the head." Sean said, referring to the death of Alice Hardy in Friday the 13th Part 2.
Sean: (Narrating) Aside from good popcorn entertainment, gory kills and boobs galore, this movie offered us what no other Friday the 13th movie has ever done before.
Megan Garris: And I can think of only one thing even more terrifying.
Cort: What?
(Megan grins and points as Cort, Sissy and Paula notice the school bus filled with children arriving)
Cort: Yay, the kids are here.
"Children!" Sean exclaimed as the camera zooms in on his face while suspenseful music plays in the background.
(The children hop off of the bus while Megan and the others watch)
Bus Monitor (Played by Sheri Levinski): Here they are, and they're all yours.
Sissy Baker: Think I'd rather deal with old Jason.
"Oh, trust me. Jason would love to deal with you guys." Sean said with a grin on his face.
Sean: (Narrating) Somewhere in the woods, we see a group of business people who are out playing paintball and the competitive aspect helps... who the hell am I kidding? They're not important. But what's important here is that Jason kills them. So, let's introduce them, starting with Burt, played by Wallace Merck...
(Jason grabs Burt by his arm, throwing him against a tree face-first, killing him. Jason is seen holding Burt's arm)
Sean: (Narrating) ...Larry, Stan and Katie played by Alan Blumenfeld, Matthew Faison and Ann Ryerson...
(Jason drops down in front of Larry, Stan and Katie and he decapitates them at once with his machete. Their bodies drop down to the ground in front of Roy as he looks on in fear and he shoots Jason with his paintball gun. Jason stops walking and looks at the paint stain on his shirt, then looks at Roy)
"And that poor soul who's gonna end up getting killed by Jason is Roy, played by Whitney Rydbeck. There you go. I got the non-important characters out of the way, so let's move on." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Back with Tommy, he is being escorted by Sheriff Garris and Deputy Rick out of town, but he makes a detour to the cemetery to prove to them that Jason as risen from the dead, but instead all they find is Jason's grave covered up.
Tommy Jarvis: That's not right. Somebody covered it over. I got to see it.
(As Tommy gets ready to head over to Jason's gave, Deputy Rick pulls out a Dan Wesson Model 15-VH Magnum with a huge laser sight attachment and points it at Tommy's head)
Deputy Rick Cologne: Freeze it, psycho.
Sheriff Garris: Now see what you've done. You made my deputy draw his revolver. He's been dying to try out his mail-order laser scope.
Deputy Rick Cologne: Wherever the red dot goes, you bang.
"Where the fuck did he get that kind of firepower? Who does this guy think he is, Dirty Harry?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Martin checks to see what's going on and Tommy tells him to dig up Jason's grave while Garris and Deputy Rick escort him out of here. And after he takes a little drink of liquor, we get this little transition and it's possibly my favorite.
Martin: Dig him up? (Laughs) Does he think I'm a fart-head?
(Cut to Camp Forest Green)
Children: (All) Yeah!
"Again, love this movie's writing and some of it's humor. Plus, I was going to say "Yes", but the children said it for me." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Back at Camp Forest Green, Megan is getting some of the children hyped up for the best week ever, while Cort is teaching them how to do some boy scouting, or something.
Cort: Listen, you obviously don't know anything about Indians, okay? Probably none of you do. Look, here's the story. These are called Indian markers, okay? Let's just say you have a chief, all right? And he dumps his squaw or his wife or whatever, and he decides, "Hey, I'm gonna pick up with another woman and take off with her." So he takes off, leaving his son with the mother. And all of a sudden, you know, a week or two later, the son wants to catch up with his dad. He wants to learn how to shoot a bow, kill buffalo, whatever these guys do.
"Dude, you don't know anything about Indians, do you?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Back with Tommy, Sherrif Garris takes him out of Forest Green and gives him a warning if he ever comes back. Yeah, that dude is channeling his inner Sheriff Teasle. Later, we come to nighttime as we see that old drunk Martin drinking some of his liquid courage while we see two other characters, Steven played by Roger Rose and Annette played by Cynthia Kania, respectively, as they are having a nice romantic picnic at night.
Martin: (After drinking his bottle of whiskey) Darling, you're gonna be the death of me. Yeah, but what a way to go, huh?
(Martin kisses the bottle and throws it. He realizes that the bottle didn't go far and no breaking sounds were made. He turns around and sees Jason, who breaks the bottle and stabs him in the throat and screams)
"Mmm, that was some tasty irony. So delicious." Sean said as he does the chef's kiss.
Sean: (Narrating) Steven and Annette stop making out after hearing Martin screaming and Steven decides he should go check it out.
Annette (Played by Cynthia Kania): Steven, please.
Steven (Played by Roger Rose): Stay here.
Annette: No, Steven. Don't.
(Steven checks out the commotion and sees Jason striking Martin's dead body with the machete. He stops and notices Steven. Steven runs off)
Sean: (V/O as Jason) Hey, you! Get your ass back here. I'm going to kill you. Why the hell do they always run?
Annette: Steven. Steven, what's going on?
Steven: Annette, let's go.
Annette: Okay.
(They both run off to Steven's bike and hop on)
Annette: What are we gonna do?
Steven: We got to get to the sheriff's office.
(Jason shows up and kills both Steven and Annette with a double impalement with his machete)
"Now, that's what I call double penetration." Sean said as he starts laughing. "Get it? Double penetration? He stabbed them both with his machete at the same time and the term double penetration is a sexual term for when a woman has both men's... you know what, forget it. So much for my bad puns."
Sean: (Narrating) Back at Camp Forest Green, we see that the children are nestled safely in bed and sleeping peacefully, while Sissy explains to Paula about how to play the card game Camp Blood.
Sissy Baker: The object of the game is, first you take this jack of spades, which is Jason, all right? And then you have all these face cards, for which represents counselors. The queen of hearts is me, okay? Now, who do you wanna be?
Paula Mott: Come on, Sissy...
Sissy Baker: Okay, you be the queen of diamonds. What you do is you shuffle Jason up in these cards here, and you put them in piles, because the piles represent cabins. Now, the object of the game is to find out which cabin Jason is in.
"Did you just describe how to play Friday the 13th on the NES?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Sissy and Paula hear the sound of one of the campers screaming and they go to check it out, but this was just a random scare from a camper named Nancy, played by Courtney Vickery, because she is scared of something that she saw.
Nancy (Played by Courtney Vickery): There was this monster, and he was after me, and he wanted to kill me.
Sissy Baker: Where?
Nancy: He was everywhere.
Paula Mott: You mean you had a bad dream.
We cut back to Sean, who is seen dressed as Freddy Kruger.
"Wrong franchise, you stupid bitch." Sean said in his Freddy Kruger voice.
"I hear the character was named Nancy as a nod to the director's wife." Brian said. "Also, wonder if that was a real card game or not."
Sean: (Narrating) Sissy and Paula tell Nancy that everything is alright before they leave. Then we check on Cort, who is busy getting busy with some local girl named Nikki Parsley, played by Darcy DeMoss, in a scene that doesn't contain any nudity.
"Yeah, this is the only Friday the 13th movie that doesn't contain any nudity. What a surprise." Sean said."
(We see Cort and Nikki making love to the song "I'm No Animal" by Felony. Cort is really getting his "bump in the night" while he lays back while Nikki rides him perfectly to the song's beat)
Nikki (Played by Darcy DeMoss): You got to keep it up till the end of this song.
Cort Andrews: How much longer?
Nikki: (Bends forward) It's only 10 more minutes.
(Cort's eyes widen)
"Damn, babe! I'll never make it in ten minutes." Sean said, imitating Cort.
Sean: (Narrating) Jason senses some sex going on here as he pulls the plug on their little party. Cort heads outside to check it out and he sees that the cord has been destroyed, which means its time for Cort and Nikki to leave their happy asses out of here. Cort starts the RV up and drives on out of here while he's rockin' out to some Alice Cooper.
(Cort turns on the radio. The song "Teenage Frankenstein" by Alice Cooper starts playing)
Cort Andrews: Whoo! This is great. I've never driven a house before. I like this. This is great.
"Oh, man! I am definitely enjoying the surround sound!" Sean said while he bobs his head to the song Teenage Frankenstein.
Sean: (Narrating) Nikki gets dragged into the bathroom by Jason and uses his newly discovered superhuman strength and smashes Nikki's head into the wall, which makes an awesome imprint. And then he goes for Cort and stabs him in the head with a knife and causes the RV to crash in a very cool way.
(Jason emerges from out of the crashed RV)
Sean: (V/O as Jason) Oh, yeah. I'm still fucking cool.
Sean: (Narrating) Back with Megan, her and her father are having an argument about Tommy and what he did was wrong because she likes Tommy. But since this is Sheriff Garris, he's the father and she's the child and I have to say and people would agree with me on this one, Sheriff Garris is a total dick.
Sheriff Garris: Tommy Jarvis is a very sick boy.
Megan Garris: Oh, how do you know, Dad? What'd you do, take his temperature?
Sheriff Garris: Better watch that smart-mouthing, young lady.
Megan Garris: (Imitates her father) "If your mother were still alive..."
Sheriff Garris: That's it. Out. I don't need this tonight. Out, Megan.
"It's bad enough that he has to deal with the dude who turned into a zombie. He doesn't need the Starchild from V giving him a heart attack." Sean said.
(The phone rings and Megan answers it)
Megan Garris: Sheriff's office. Oh, I'm sorry, he can't come to the phone right now. He's in the can draining his lizard. May I take a message?
"Okay, let me just say this, Megan is my favorite final girl in franchise. I know that everyone would agree with me on this one as well. She kinda remind me of Piper from Charmed with her snarkiness and her sharp, edgy humor." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Sheriff Garris gets a call from Deputy Rick about Darren and Lizbeth and that somebody killed them in using Jason's old M.O., making them think that Tommy has killed them. So he heads out to the scene while Megan is alone in the office to goof around until Tommy calls her.
Tommy Jarvis: Listen, I've got to talk to your dad about Jason. I've got a plan, but first I need to buy some supplies and...
Megan Garris: Tommy, my father's out looking for you right now. Something happened tonight, and he's sure you're responsible for it. If he finds you, he's gonna...
Tommy Jarvis: Yeah, he made that real clear. Megan, Jason is out there. I'm positive he's headed back to the camp. He's gonna...
Megan Garris: Where are you? I'll come pick you up.
Tommy Jarvis: What?
Megan Garris: It's the only way. If my father sees you in your car, he's gonna nail you in a second.
"Besides, it's not like Sheriff Garris is going to shoot his own daughter. Right?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) As Megan leaves to go pick up Tommy, we cut back to Jason as we see him arriving at Camp Forest Green to bring the body count up. Starting with Sissy as she hears something outside, with her thinking it's Cort fooling around outside, so she decides to pull a little prank.
(Sissy pours a can of lemon-lime soda on what she thought was Cort. She screams as Jason pops out and grabs her from out of the window. Paula wakes up after hearing a noise. We then see Jason twisting Sissy's head all the way around and rips it off, decapitating her)
"Yikes! That's the most brutal Jason kill that I have ever seen in my life." Sean said. "Also, Jason drinks Sprite."
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Megan meets up with Tommy, and I love the fact that she has (He's Back) The Man Behind the Mask on her car radio. That's the second time the song has been heard by now. Then, they come across a police roadblock and we get an exciting car chase, set to Alice Cooper's Hard Rock Summer.
Tommy Jarvis: Please, don't do anything crazy.
(Megan speeds off in her car while the cops pursue them)
Megan Garris: I know what I'm doing. I got you your supplies, didn't I? If I can just get us to Cunningham Road, I can lose them.
(Tommy tries to raise his head back up)
Megan Garris: Stay down.
(Tommy puts his head back down, getting an excellent view of Megan's crotch area)
Tommy Jarvis: Whatever you say.
"Man, Tommy is one lucky son of a bitch." Sean smirked.
Sean: (Narrating) The chase ends as Sheriff Garris set up roadblocks on several roads and he points a shotgun square at his own daughter's face.
Sheriff Garris: Megan, step out of the car.
Megan Garris: (To Tommy) End of the line.
(Tommy sits up and sees Sheriff Garris)
Tommy Jarvis: Oh, shit.
"Hey, at least Tommy controlled himself in a situation like this. Even though he started to have some naughty thoughts about having the sheriff's hot daughter sit on his face." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Back at Camp Forest Green, we see that Jason enters Sissy and Paula's cabin as Paula wakes up to see Nancy holding a bloody machete and that she can't sleep and she's scared.
Nancy: I saw someone at my window.
Paula Mott: Where did you get this?
Nancy: I found it outside.
Paula Mott: You know what? Sissy and Cort are playing jokes. You know, trying to scare each other.
Nancy: Why?
Paula Mott: Well, because grown-ups think it's funny to be scared.
Nancy: What?
"Look, blondie. Grown-ups love playing practical jokes on each other. We love doing that kind of shit." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Tommy is arrested and he is still blamed for the murders as Sheriff Douchenozzle doesn't believe him until he gets another call which is about the crashed RV that contained Cort and Nikki, who's bodies are now fried and crispy, which means it's time for the blame game on Tommy.
Sheriff Garris: Tommy Jarvis is a psychopathic killer. He wants you to believe that...
"Well, they orignally planned to have Tommy as the new killer after Part V, but that didn't work out. HOW STUPID IS THIS FUCKING JACKASS?!" Sean asked, yelling at the camera.
Megan Garris: What time did this happen?
Sheriff Garris: What difference does that make?
Megan Garris: What time?
Sheriff Garris: 8:30, 9:00. Why?
Megan Garris: Tommy was with me all that time, Dad.
(Sheriff Garris stays silent, looking at his daughter for a moment, then looks at Tommy)
Sheriff Garris: Rick, I'll call you from there. Lock him up.
"How long until Jason kills this guy? I'm sorry, I really hate this character. I really do." Sean said. "He's among the list of Friday the 13th characters that I don't care for. And I can name a few: there's Fox from Part 3, Axel from The Final Chapter, Shelly from Part 3 as well, Charles McCulloch from Part VIII, Ethel Hubbard from Part V. The list goes on."
"Oh, he'll surprise you later." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) Deputy Rick locks Tommy in the cell and we cut back to Camp Forest Green, as Paula spouts some bullshit to Nancy that would help her sleep peacefully.
Paula Mott: You know what I used to do when I was a little girl and I got scared? I would close my eyes and say a little prayer. And you know what? Pretty soon, everything scary went away. It worked for me. I bet it'll work for you, too. Good night.
(Paula kisses Nancy on her forehead)
Nancy: Good night.
(As Paula gets up, Jason is standing outside watching as Paula doesn't notice)
Paula Mott: See you in the morning.
"Yeah, I don't think that either of you are going to see morning." Sean said.
(Paula walks as she heads out of the cabin, while Jason is stalking her while the song "Somebody's Watching Me" by Rockwell. We then cut to Paula entering her cabin after getting spooked out by the wind)
Paula Mott: Sissy?
(No reply. Paula looks around, then she picks up the phone to call someone, but no answer. She hangs the phone up and sees blood on the floor. Blood that was from the machete that she laid on the floor. Paula then gets startled by the wind blowing the door open)
Sean: (V/O as Paula) Damn wind! Always trying to freak people out in these mov...
(As Paula closes the door, Jason pushes it open and Paula starts screaming)
Sean: (V/O as Jason) Surprise, motherfucker!
(The door closes as we hear Paula's screams as she is getting killed by Jason's machete swings. Her blood splatters on the window and Jason throws her corpse through the window, pulling it back inside the cabin)
"Jesus, Jason! What the hell are you doing in there? You tryin' to turn this into WWE?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Back at the station, Deputy Rick is keeping an eye on Tommy, while Megan and Tommy plot a secret plan to bust him out of the slammer.
Tommy Jarvis: So, what are you drawing?
Megan Garris: So, what's it to you?
Deputy Rick Cologne: Sit down, Jarvis.
Tommy Jarvis: I was just curious as to what she's drawing, is all.
(Megan shows Tommy her drawing)
Megan Garris: There, you happy?
Tommy Jarvis: No.
Megan Garris: Why?
Tommy Jarvis: Because it stinks.
(Megan gets offended and throws her drawing pad at the cell)
"Oh, God. Can you two just kiss already? You're making this turn into a bad episode of Moonlighting." Sean said.
(Tommy and Megan begin to kiss passionately)
"Wow. Well, that escalated quickly." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Deputy Rick notices Tommy kissing Megan as he goes over to his cell to beat him up. But then Megan grabs his gun and threatens him with it, making him free Tommy and they lock him up before they leave.
(Megan drops the keys and her and Tommy leave the station)
Deputy Rick Cologne: Don't... Don't do this, Megan! Megan!
(A clip from Drake & Josh is shown)
Josh Nichols (Played by Josh Peck): Megan!
Drake Parker (Played by Drake Bell): Megan!
Sean: (Narrating) Tommy and Megan drive down to Camp Forest Green with the supplies that he needs. And those supplies are for to return Jason to his original resting place. You know, when he drowned in 1957. The place where it all began.
(A picture of the Upside Down from Stranger Things is shown)
"No, no! No. Not the Upside Down. I'm talking about Crystal Lake, I mean Lake Forest Green, whatever the hell you want to call this place." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And speaking of nightmares, we see that Jason enters the kids' cabin and sees them sleeping. But then, Nancy sees him and he gets ready to...
Nancy: (Starts praying) Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.
Sean: (V/O as Jason) That's right, little girl. Keep praying. You know I'm gonna...
(Jason hears the car door slamming from outside as he moves away from Nancy)
Sean: (V/O as Jason) What the hell? Who's out there?
(Jason leaves as Nancy stops praying and sees that he's gone)
"Well, at least no children are getting killed in this one. Besides, Jason never kills children. He's only going for teenagers." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Sheriff Garris and two other officers arrive at the camp so he can break the news to Megan's friends, but Sheriff Garris finds the set of The Shining in Sissy and Paula's cabin, while the other two officers...
(We see Officer Thornton getting killed by Jason by having a dart thrown at his head. Afterwards, we see Officer Pappas getting his head crushed by Jason, killing him)
"One gets a dart thrown at his head, while the other gets his head crushed like a melon. Man, this is no man, he's the Terminator." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Sheriff Garris bumps into Nancy and he sees some of the children awake. So he starts protecting the children by taking them to another cabin and hide underneath the bed. Okay, he totally redeems himself. After I bad-mouthed him throughout this whole review, he deserves my respect)
(Sheriff Garris falls on Officer Pappas' corpse and screams. He gets up and bumps into Jason while the two of them have a standoff while the theme music from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly plays in the background. Jason gets ready to attack, but then Sheriff Garris shoots him with his shotgun)
"Yeah, I don't think bullets have any effect on him." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Jason shows that he's a hard man to kill as Sheriff Garris keeps shooting at him and wasting his ammo on him before he runs away. Meanwhile, Tommy and Megan arrive at the camp and Megan looks for her dad, only to find the bloodbath that happened in Sissy and Paula's cabin and finding the children safe and sound while Tommy gets ready for Jason.
Megan Garris: Daddy, where are you? Daddy! Come help us, please!
(Jason turns around after hearing Megan's voice)
Sean: (V/O as Jason) New victim! Time for me to kill the sheriff's daughter.
(Sheriff Garris charges at Jason)
Sheriff Garris: (Shouting) No, not her! No!
(Sheriff Garris tackles Jason to the ground)
Sean: (V/O as Jason) Hey, what the hell are you doing, old man?!
(Sheriff Garris kicks Jason repeatedly)
Sean: (V/O as Jason) Ow, stop that! Dude, quit it!
(Sheriff Garris hits Jason with a branch)
Sean: (V/O as Jason) The fuck, man?!
(Sheriff Garris then grabs a rock and hits Jason in the head)
Sean: (V/O as Jason) Okay, enough from the pig! Time to die!
(Jason grabs Sheriff Garris and folds him in half, killing him)
"Jesus! Even he didn't deserve that." Sean said, with a shocked look on his face.
Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, even though Sheriff Garris was an asshole toward Tommy and didn't believe him. He did not deserve that painful death. Hell, there are other people who would deserved that kind of death.
Then, a picture of Dr. Crews and a picture of Melissa from Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood are shown.
"Oh, don't worry, we'll get to those two when I review it next year. Trust me. Yeah, another sequel that I love." Sean said with a smile on his face.
Sean: (Narrating) As Jason goes over to look for more people to kill, Megan begs Tommy to help look for her dad, but he's too busy getting ready for Jason. Jason heads into the cabin and goes after the children while Megan runs over there to save them.
(Jason smashes through the window)
Kool-Aid Man: (V/O) Oh, yeah!
(Jason grabs Megan by her head and gets ready to kill her)
Tommy Jarvis: Jason!
Sean: (V/O as Jason) Huh?
Tommy Jarvis: Jason, come on! Come and get me! It's me you want, remember?
Sean: (V/O as Jason) Move, bitch! Get out the way!
(Jason pushes Megan out of his way and makes his way over to Tommy at the lake)
Tommy Jarvis: That's it. Come on, maggot-head. Come on! Come on, maggot-head. That's it, come on!
"Yeah, just you and me. Let's finish what we started like Laurie Strode and Michael Myers." Sean said, imitating Tommy.
Sean: (Narrating) Jason and Tommy face-off against each other in the ultimate showdown. But this fight becomes dull as Tommy adds a litttle gasoline into the water and light it on fire to make things more epic. But Jason pops back up and tries to kill Tommy, but our hero manages to wrap the chain around his neck to trap hum underwater with the weight of the boulder.
(Jason drags Tommy underwater with him and drowns him)
"Eh, don't worry. You can just revive him with the power of Trioxin." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Megan jumps in to save Tommy, but Jason tries to drown her as well. But there's one way to stop a masked killer... a propeller to the face!
(Megan sends the boat's propeller to Jason's face and neck, which ends up cracking a piece of his mask)
"You know, you just gave him a more badass appearance for the next film, right?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) And with that, Jason is defeated and he is trapped inside the lake. His reign of terror is finally over.
"But wait, what about Tommy?" Sean asked.
(Megan manages to revive Tommy by performing CPR on him)
Sean: (V/O as God) Tommy will live.
"IT'S A MIRACLE!" Sean exclaimed.
Tommy Jarvis: It's over. It's finally over. Jason's home.
(We cut to Jason, who's trapped underwater in the lake as the camera focuses on his eye)
Sean: (V/O as Jason) I'm still alive, bitches!
(We then cut to the end credits while the song (He's Back) The Man Behind the Mask by Alice Cooper plays during the credits)
"And a reason why I never skip the credits to this movie. That awesome as hell song. Man, gotta love awesome soundtracks to slasher movies. So that was Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives and I love this movie." Sean said.
(Clips from the movie are shown once more)
Sean: (Narrating) To get the negatives out of the way, my only complaint about the movie is the toned-down sex in this movie. Considering the history of this franchise and it's smut factor, the lack of total boobage was a big problem for me. On the positives, you have some great kills. The writing is pretty good and there's a lot of memorable lines in the movie, especially from the kids. I also love that they added some humor for certain scenes. As much as I love Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, this one is my go-to movie to watch. Thom Matthews is great as Tommy, gotta love Jennifer Cooke as the pretty-yet-sarcastic and badass Megan, David Kagan plays Sheriff Garris pretty well as the character that you want to punch in the face and CJ Graham did pretty well as Jason, until we come to Kane Hodder in the next film. Friday the 13th Part VI is an improvement over Part V and I can see why people prefer this over Part V. If you haven't seen it, then go watch it on Max. Or order the movie from Amazon. You'll have a fun time watching it, coming in at 5 lightning bolts out of 5.
"I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic and only 1 film left for Halloween Havoc VI. Only one film left! So, I wonder what I'm going to review next?" Sean said. "Welcome to Hell, motherf...!"
The screen cuts to black right before Sean finishes his sentence.
"Hey! You didn't even give me a chance to finish." Sean said.
Mayhem Critic Tagline- Some folks have a strange idea of entertainment.
And that is all for the review of Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives. So what did you think of the new chapter and the review? I hope that you enjoyed it. Also, if you've seen Friday the 13th Part VI, what did you think of it? Next time on The Mayhem Critic, Sean the Mayhem Critic ends Halloween Havoc VI with a bang as he reviews one of his favorite horror anthology movies of all time. And that movie is Tales From the Hood, a film that presents urban-themed horror stories based on different problem concepts. Does this film still hold up after 28 years? Originally, I was going to review Renfield, but I thought about this movie and I gotta talk about it. After the review of Tales From the Hood, which movie should I review next after this one? Here are the choices:
1. Postal (The 2007 film starring Zack Ward and directed by Uwe Boll)
2. A Fish Called Wanda
3. Rocky V
4. Dutch
5. Sixteen Candles
Which one of the five movies should I review? Don't forget to leave a review for the new chapter, add this story to your favorites and follow it for future updates. Also, if you would like to do a co-review with me, or if you have any requests for a TV show or a movie for me to review, feel free to leave a message or leave a comment in the reviews. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.