The Mayhem Critic
Aloha, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker and I am here to bring you another hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Today, Sean the Mayhem Critic and his friend Brian are reviewing one of their favorite comedies of all time. And that movie is A Fish Called Wanda. A film that Kevin Kline scored an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor. It is also the film that made an old man die from laughter from watching it. Does this film still hold up well? Will Sean and Brian both die from laughter? We'll find out today. This is the new chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Enjoy.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All rights and references belong to their respective sources. A Fish Called Wanda is owned by MGM/UA.
Episode 196
A Fish Called Wanda
(The opening title sequence for The Mayhem Critic is shown. After the intro ends, we open with our favorite residential movie critic Sean J. Archer, a.k.a. the Mayhem Critic, sitting on the couch as he gets ready to start his introduction. But this time, he's not alone. He is joined by his good friend Brian as they both get ready to start the review)
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one." Sean said.
"And I'm his friend Brian." Brian said.
"We're both big fans of Monty Python." Sean said.
(Cut to a montage of Monty Python's Flying Circus while the theme plays in the background)
Sean: (Narrating) What can we say about Monty Python? They're one of the greatest comedy troupes of all time consisting some of the greatest British comedians of all time like John Cleese, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, Graham Chapman, Michael Palin and Terry Gilliam, the only American in the group.
Brian: (Narrating) Yup, with a TV series, 3 films, and more in between, they had it made, and the film we'll be reviewing has two of them in it.
"So, what is the film that we're reviewing that has two of the members of Monty Python in it?" Sean asked. "Well, I know the perfect movie, A Fish Called Wanda!"
(The title screen for "A Fish Called Wanda" is shown followed by clips from the movie while the end title theme by John Du Prez plays in the background)
Sean: (Narrating) In 1988, John Cleese and Michael Palin starred in the hilarious comedy that also stars Jamie Lee Curtis and Kevin Kline, who scored an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for his role. And yes, it is a very hilarious performance from him, trust us.
(A picture of John Cleese and director Charles Crichton are shown)
Brian: (Narrating) It all started back in 1969 when John Cleese and director Charles Crichton attempted to make a film together since Cleese is a comedy legend and Crichton directed comedies produced for Ealing Studios. The project never entered development and they promised each other that they would collaborate again. Then years later, Cleese and Crichton would work on the script together.
Sean: (Narrating) Cleese served as co-director for the movie since the studio executives were worried about Crichton, who was 78 at the time, but despite his age, Crichton managed to direct the movie.
Brian: (Narrating) After the film's release, the film became a box office success and everybody loved it. It was one of the funniest films of all time.
Sean: (Narrating) It's so funny that a man actually died from laughter.
"We're not joking. That part was true." Sean said.
"Yup. Danish, I think he was." Brian said.
Brian: (Narrating) But aside from killing an old Danish guy, this movie is still a classic with some of it's memorable lines, hilarious moments and some funny performances and we're going to take a look at it to see how well it holds up.
"Sit back, relax and get yourself some fish and chips." Sean said.
"Don't let it be an animal lover's fish." Brian said.
"This is A Fish Called Wanda." Sean said.
(The movie begins with a shot of London, England)
Sean: (Narrating) Our story begins in merry old London and we're introduced to some of the characters of the film: barrister Archie Leach played by John Cleese, con artist and femme fatale Wanda Gershwitz played by Jamie Lee Curtis, weapons expert Otto West played by Kevin Kline and animal lover Ken Pile played by Michael Palin.
Brian: (Narrating) And we get our opening credits that show a bunch of fish swimming in a fish tank.
Sean: (Narrating) You with an opening like that, you might think of a different opening since you have two members of Monty Python in it.
(A clip from Monty Python's Flying Circus is shown)
Hermit (Played by Michael Palin): It's...
(Cut back to the opening credits of A Fish Called Wanda while the Monty Python theme plays)
Sean: (V/O as Announcer) A Fish Called Wanda.
Brian: (Narrating) Anyway, we see that Wanda and Otto are siblings and she introduces her brother to Ken and immediately, he makes a good impression on him.
Otto West (Played by Kevin Kline): (Notices Ken's fish) Hey, great fish.
Ken Pile (Played by Michael Palin): Oh, thanks.
Otto West: A little squeeze of lemon, some tartar sauce, perfect.
(Wanda hits Otto. Then, Otto squeezes Wanda's boob, then moves it away quickly before Ken notices this)
"Yeah. And by making an impression on him, he does this by making a joke about his fish. Also, it's a bit weird that Otto just copped a feel on his own sister's boobs." Sean pointed out.
Wanda Gershwitz (Played by Jamie Lee Curtis): George back yet?
Ken Pile: (Stuttering) No, he had to go to the...
(Otto makes a look after hearing Ken's stutter)
Ken Pile: What?
Otto West: That's quite a stutter you've got there, Ken. (Chuckles) It's all right, it doesn't bother me.
"Fun fact: from what I've read about Michael Palin, the reason he gave his character a stutter was because his dad had one." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) We see that their boss, a gangster named George Thomason, played by Tom Georgeson, arrives and Wanda introduces Otto to George and he impresses him with his weapon skills.
(Otto pulls out a knife and throws it at a picture of a seal that's hanging on Ken's wall. Ken gasps in shock and looks at Otto)
Otto West: Something like that?
George Thomason (Played by Tom Georgeson): Something like that.
"Huh, what are two Americans doing with a couple of Brits, you might ask?" Brian asked.
"That part, we'll tell you right now." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The reason why there are two Americans hanging out with a couple of British guys is because that George is planning an elaborate jewel heist to steal what else? Well, jewels. Duh!
(Otto is looking at George)
George Thomason: Otto?
Otto West: Yes?
George Thomason: Okay?
Otto West: What?
George Thomason: The plan.
Otto West: Yeah! Great! No problem. What was the middle thing, about the police?
(George clicks his tongue in annoyance)
George Thomason: We don't meet up at Heathrow until Tuesday...
Otto West: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
George Thomason: I haven't finished yet, because the police will watch all the airports for 72 hours.
Otto West: I know. I know.
Ken Pile: (Stuttering) Do you want me to get a big car for the getaway
George Thomason: Yes, Ken. A limo, okay? And put diplomatic plates on it, right?
Otto West: What if he has to say something during the break-in?
George Thomason: Nobody says anything during the break-in, Otto.
Wanda Gershwitz: It's okay, Otto. Ken's good.
"I cannot imagine this guy saying something during the robbery. He'll start stuttering throughout the whole thing and I wouldn't be able to take him seriously." Brian said.
Brian: (Narrating) We cut to the home of Archie Leach, where we see him about to tell his snooty, stuck-up wife Wendy, played by Maria Aitken, about his day. But she tells him about her day.
Wendy (Played by Maria Aitken): I spend the morning trying to get the waste disposal man to come, have lunch with Marjorie Brooks, who takes up the entire meal complaining about her husband. Then I have to play three rubbers with Philippa Hunter, and I come back here and Sanderson's have sent the wrong flowers.
Archie Leach (Played by John Cleese): Oh, no. Would you like some tea?
Wendy: (Curtly) Yes.
Archie Leach: I won the case.
Wendy: This is the first moment I've had to myself all day.
(A clip from King of the Hill is shown)
Hank Hill (Voiced by Mike Judge): What a bitch.
Archie Leach: Hello, Portia. How was the show?
Portia (Played by Cynthia Cleese): Awful, Daddy. I've got to have a new horse.
Archie Leach: I thought you liked Phantom.
Portia: He's not fit for dog meat. Can I change him, please, Dad? It's absolutely vital, and it won't cost much.
"By the way, that's John Cleese's daughter Cynthia playing his daughter in the movie." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) As you can tell, Archie is not having a happy life. I mean, he's married to Wendy, for crying out loud. Would you want to be married to a woman like that who's going to make you miserable for the rest of your life?
Archie Leach: I won the case.
(Wendy groans as she sees the crack on the teacup)
Wendy: Now this is cracked.
"Allow us to play that same clip from King of the Hill again." Brian said.
(The same clip from King of the Hill is shown)
Hank Hill: What a bitch.
"Ugh. Wouldn't wanna be married to her." Brian said.
Brian: (Narrating) We see that George and his crew pull of an elaborate jewel heist at a jewelry store and they steal some diamonds. The heist goes perfectly well and they manage to escape. Also, I love the bit where Otto sits an apple on top of a guy's head and gets ready to shoot it off of him as target practice. That sound like something that Trevor Phillips from Grand Theft Auto V would do, except he would use a shotgun.
(George, Ken and Otto enter the limo, with Wanda, who's disguised as a limo driver, drives off. But she stops the limo when an elderly lady named Mrs. Coady, played by Patricia Hayes, crosses the street with her three small dogs. Mrs. Coady sees George and she moves out of the way so they can drive off)
"Oh, I'm sure she won't rat him out." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The group split up as George hides the diamonds in the safe. After they leave, we see that...
(We cut to Otto and Wanda kissing passionately)
Sean: (Narrating) EWWW!
"Bro, what the hell are you doing?! I know that Jamie Lee Curtis is hot, but she's your goddamn sister!" Sean yelled out.
"Dude, I don't think they're related at all." Brian explained, sipping a glass of iced tea.
Brian: (Narrating) Turns out that Otto and Wanda are not brother and sister, they're actually lovers pretending to be brother and sister so that Wanda could work her charms on Ken and George.
Otto West: Do you believe those cockney klutzes bought our story? What morons!
Wanda Gershwitz: I want you to know something, Otto.
Otto: What?
Wanda Gershwitz: Even if you were my brother, I'd still wanna fuck you.
"Excuse me for a moment." Sean said as he gets up from off of the couch and leaves the room. Suddenly, sounds of Sean throwing up is happening off-screen.
Sean: (Narrating) Okay, I love Kevin Kline in this movie. He is just so hilarious in it. Even though you see him in serious dramas, you manage to see him do a comedy and he'll end up cracking you up with his performance. Anyway, Wanda and Otto do some good 'ol fashioned American backstabbing by ratting George out to the police. The cops show up at George's apartment and arrest him.
"Also, I would like to point out that I love this little moment right here." Sean said.
(As Otto is driving the car, he speeds off and makes a turn, almost crashing into a car as the driver honks his horn at him)
Otto West: Asshole!
"He's not that bright, is he?" Brian asked.
Brian: (Narrating) Wanda and Otto get ready to steal the diamonds from George and as they open the safe, they see that the diamonds are not in there.
(Otto gasps while Wanda sits down)
Otto West: Okay. Okay. Disappointed! Son of a bitch! (Starts kicking the car) What do you have to do in this life to make people trust you?
Wanda Gershwitz: Shut up.
Otto West: People are always taking advantage of me.
Wanda Gershwitz: Shut up and think. Where has he moved it?
(Otto, in anger, pulls out his pistol and starts shooting at the safe)
Wanda Gershwitz: What are you doing?
Otto West: I'm thinking!
"That's your way of thinking? Just start shooting at stuff? Yeah, that's one clever way of thinking." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So, it turns out that George has moved the diamonds to another place, and Wanda and Otto go to talk to him. And speaking of George, we see that he has hired Archie to defend him. Wanda heads to the jail to speak to George and she brought Otto along.
George Thomason: You stayed at my place. We slept late. You made me breakfast. (Sees Otto)
Wanda Gershwitz: What?
"I'm hope I'm not imagining things, but I think I see the guy from The January Man waving at me." Brian said, imitating George.
Otto West: (Sits next to Wanda) Who did it, George? Kevin Delaney? You want me to rub him out? Anything. You name it.
George Thomason: I have friends making inquiries.
Otto West: Good.
George Thomason: The jewels are very safe. If I get sent down, it all gets handed back to cut my sentence. Now, to cut my sentence even more, I could tell them who done it with me, if I wasn't very happy about everything.
Otto West: What was the middle thing?
(Wanda glares at Otto)
George Thomason: Piss off.
"Can someone tell me how this idiot ended up with these people?" Brian asked.
Otto West: So?
Wanda Gershwitz: Well, he's not sure it was you. That's something, I guess.
Otto West: What about you?
Wanda Gershwitz: I don't know. He believes me. That's why he can't figure out about you.
Otto West: Figure out what?
Wanda Gershwitz: Whether you turned him in or not, stupid.
Otto West: Don't, uh, (Chuckling) ever, ever, ever call me stupid, okay?
"Well, you sure do act like it in the movie. And that's what makes it so funny." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) Wanda spots Archie and she works her charm on him and immediately they hit it off.
Wanda Gershwitz: I'm studying aspects of your legal system. I'm American.
Archie Leach: Oh, really?
Wanda Gershwitz: Mmm! I've only started, though. It's fascinating.
Archie Leach: What brings you here?
"Oh, I'm just getting away from a certain horror franchise involving a man in a creepy mask that goes around killing people." Brian said, imitating Wanda.
Wanda Gershwitz: I knew it! You're Archie Leash!
Archie Leach: Leach.
Sean: (V/O as Archie) As in Cary Grant's birth name.
Wanda Gershwitz: Right! I saw you in court, uh, two weeks ago.
Archie Leach: The casino break-in?
Wanda Gershwitz: Oh, you were great!
Archie Leach: Oh, well.
Wanda Gershwitz: Oh, I'm a big fan of yours. I love the way you, uh, cross-examine. Oh, I really admire your work.
"Oh, don't mind him. He's just admiring your beauty." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Wanda and Archie say their goodbyes to each other and after he leaves, Wanda tells Otto that she's going to get to know him and find out where the diamonds are. Meanwhile, Ken visits George and he shows him a key to something and some important information. Back with Wanda and Otto, they enter Ken's apartment to look for the diamonds.
(Otto walks over to Ken's fish tank)
Otto West: (Stuttering) Hello, Ken's pets. (In normal voice) Hey! (Picks up the scrubber and starts hitting the water with it) Wake up! Wake up, limey fish!
"One of the funniest characters in the movie, am I right?" Brian asked.
Brian: (Narrating) Wanda tells Otto that she finds Archie kind of cute, which gets Otto a little jealous, so he figure speaking to Wanda in Italian might get her in the mood for some action.
(Otto starts speaking in Italian, which turns Wanda. She gasps dreamily and turns to Otto and kisses him. Otto laughs and throws Wanda down on the bed. He continues to speak in Italian)
Wanda Gershwitz: Oh, speak it. Speak it!
(Otto continues to speak in Italian and gets on top of Wanda, kissing her neck and her body while he keeps speaking in Italian)
Wanda Gershwitz: Yes, yes, yes! (As Otto tries to open her legs) No, no, no.
Otto West: Si, si, si.
Wanda Gershwitz: No, no, no, Otto. No! Not here. Otto, no, not here. Not here, Otto.
"Hey, come on. This is the home of one of the members of Monty Python. He wouldn't mind if we make love on his bed." Sean said, imitating Otto.
Sean: (Narrating) But before they continue their journey into sex and Italian, Ken returns to his apartment as Wands sees that Ken is hiding the key in a little treasure chest from the fish tank and she surprises him. Then he finds Otto in the bathroom and he takes him out of the apartment to talk to him while Wanda grabs the key.
Otto West: What's the matter with you, Ken? Can't you think about her feelings?
Ken Pile: There's something funny going on.
Otto West: Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear. You don't even know why you're excited, do you?
Ken Pile: I saw the...
Otto West: Ken! Ken! Ken! Ken! I didn't want to say anything while George was around, but isn't it time you faced up to certain realities, Ken? Come on. You're a very attractive man, Ken. You're smart, You've got wonderful bones, great eyes, and you dress really interestingly.
Ken Pile: What are you...
Otto West: We could have a lot of fun together, you and I, and I think we'd be really good for each other. What do you say?
(A clip from Monty Python and the Holy Grail is shown)
Sir Galahad (Played by Michael Palin): I bet you're gay.
Sir Lancelot (Played by John Cleese): Am not.
Brian: (Narrating) Otto tries to make a move on Ken, which freaks him out, and he returns to his apartment while Wanda pretends to be on the phone talking to somebody about the loot that was hidden in the garage and that the police found it. But Ken tells Wanda that George moved the loot to a safe place.
Wanda Gershwitz: Where did he move it, Ken? Where did he move it?
(Ken stutters and Wanda kisses him)
Ken Pile: (Fluidly) I don't know where it is. There's a key. I don't know what it's for. It's in the...
Wanda Gershwitz: Shh. Don't tell me. It's better that you don't tell me.
"I think you made him lose his stutter after that kiss." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) Wanda takes the key to a locksmith and it turns out to be a key for a safety deposit box, which doesn't give her any answers. Back with George, the police have the elderly lady with the three small dogs Mrs. Coady, played by Patricia Hayes, to identify the man that she saw. And guess who she picked out...
(A clip from Game of Thrones is shown)
Bronn (Played by Jerome Flynn): Jaime fucking Lannister.
"HELL, NO!" Sean and Brian both shouted at the camera.
Brian: (Narrating) Actually, she picked out George in the lineup because he tried to murder her dogs and she's also the eyewitness to the robbery. But back to her later as we cut to Wanda visiting Archie at his office while he poses as a legal student.
Wanda Gershwitz: I just have a couple questions.
Archie Leach: Uh-huh.
Wanda Gershwitz: Um. I'm having a little problem understanding preliminary criminal procedures.
Archie Leach: Good.
Wanda Gershwitz: What exactly is the committal?
Archie Leach: Ah! Interesting. Well, basically, it's a preliminary investigation where the prosecution presents prima facie evidence that the accused has a case to answer for trial.
Wanda Gershwitz: Well, that's what it says in the books. Let's just take, for example, my friend George Thomason.
Archie Leach: Right.
Wanda Gershwitz: Now, when he goes into his committal on Wednesday, he'll...
Archie Leach: Thomason?
Wanda Gershwitz: Yes.
Archie Leach: George Thomason?
Wanda Gershwitz: Yes. Do you know him?
Archie Leach: I'm defending him.
Wanda Gershwitz: What are you talking about?
Archie Leach: I'm his barrister. His lawyer.
"He's one of the best lawyers in Monty Python." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Archie learns Wanda's name and realizes that she's George's alibi and that he can't talk to her because she a defense witness. But Wanda starts to work her charm on him. Later, Wanda tells Otto that George is pleading not guilty, which makes Otto safe until the trial and Archie thinks that he didn't do it. Also, she tells him about the safe deposit box key, but only George knows where it is.
Wanda Gershwitz: What have you found out?
Otto West: Not a lot.
Wanda Gershwitz: You realize he's in court tomorrow?
Otto West: I know. I know that!
Wanda Gershwitz: So nothing, huh?
Otto West: Nix! Zip! (Stabs the mannequin with his samurai sword) Diddly! Bubkes! (Speaks in Italian)
"And of course, just speak in Italian to get your girlfriend in the mood." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) Back with Archie, we see that he's dealing with two complaining ladies in his life when Portia argues with her mother about getting her nose changed after complaining about having a big nose.
Portia: I'm so miserable, and you just don't care!
Wendy: Oh, do shut up, Portia. All I get all day is people complaining to me.
Archie Leach: Oh, dear.
"I'd rather be in a Schweppes commercial talking about unesscessary violence in movies than dealing with these two." Brian said, imitating Archie while the Schweppes commercial featuring John Cleese is shown.
Sean: (Narrating) And then, we come to one of my favorite scenes of the film where we see Otto and Wanda preparing to have sex while cutting to Archie and Wendy getting ready for bed. With the music and Kevin Kline's comedic acting is what makes this scene hilarious aside from cutting to the hilarious sex scene to cutting to a non-sex scene.
"Also, just a quick side note: the face that Otto makes right when he hits his climax, never fails to make me laugh." Sean said.
(We see Otto is on top of Wanda, humping her while singing in Italian. Right when he hits his climax, he makes a goofy face)
Wendy: Archie, I want you to speak to her about plastic surgery.
Archie Leach: Hmm?
Wendy: Oh, I do wish you'd listen to me. I want you to speak to Portia.
Archie Leach: Oh, right. I'll have a word with her in the morning.
Wendy: Good night, Archie.
(Archie doesn't answer)
Wendy: Good night, Archie!
Archie Leach: Good night, Wanda.
Wendy: Good night, who?
"Steamin' Jesus! Sorry, I was watching The Fairly Oddparents and I accidentally called you the fairy Wanda." Brian said, imitating Archie.
Brian: (Narrating) The next day, George's trial begins as Wanda arrives disguised and Otto shows up as well. Also, one of the lawyers mention that Mrs. Coady has serious heart difficulties, in which gives George the opportunity to have her killed. So, he has Ken to take care of the job to make sure she doesn't testify against him. Then, Otto catches up to Ken after he sees George handing him the address to Mrs. Coady's place.
Otto West: What does he want you to do? Send her flowers? Do her shopping? Show her a good time? Rub her out? He wants you to rub her out?
Ken Pile: Um... No, no.
Otto West: He's going to kill her! (Laughs obnoxiously)
"Dude, seriously! Don't announce it to the whole world. How stupid are you?" Sean asked.
(Cut to another scene featuring Otto)
Otto West: Don't call me stupid.
(Cut back to Otto and Ken, as we see Ken walking away from Otto)
Otto West: I love watching your ass when you walk! Is that beautiful, or what? Don't go near him! He's mine!
"If this sort of thing had really happened, it'd be on World's Dumbest." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) Wanda surprises Archie after the trial and gives him her number so they can talk to each other, despite what Archie says.
Wanda Gershwitz: I don't want you for your conversation.
Archie Leach: I'd love to, but...
(Wanda pouts and starts crying. Archie moves away while Wanda leaves and makes her way over to Otto)
Otto West: What happened?
Wanda Gershwitz: Got a date Friday.
"Well, she seems happy about her date." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Ken disguises himself as a mailman and he has a run in with Mrs. Coady.
Mrs. Coady (Played by Patricia Hayes): (To Ken while he's whistling) Look here! Do you mind not making that terrible noise? My dogs will be having their nap.
Ken Pile: (To one of the dogs) Nice doggy. Nice doggy.
(Ken tries to pet the dog, but the dog tries to bite him and barks viciously at him)
(A clip from Mouse Hunt is shown)
Lars Smuntz (Played by Lee Evans): Oh, you little bastard.
Sean: (Narrating) Afterwards, Otto and Wanda head over to Archie's place, so Wanda can...
(Otto drives off and almost hits a car, making the driver of the other car swerve and crash into something)
Otto West: Asshole!
"Yeah, that happens. I'm sure he's lying about being in the CIA." Brian said.
Brian: (Narrating) Also, I'm pretty sure that this dude is not jealous.
Wanda Gershwitz: What about my tits?
Otto West: Does he get to handle them?
Wanda Gershwitz: Yes. That's my forecast. I'll stand by that.
Otto: Nuzzling?
Wanda: I think $20 million is worth a little nuzzling. 80% chance there.
Otto: Sucking?
Wanda: I thought you weren't jealous?
Otto: I'm not! I don't believe in jealousy. It's for the weak. One thing though. Touch his dick and he's dead.
"Awww. I'll play a sad song for Otto on the world's smallest violin." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Archie is left home alone while his wife and daughter are at the opera, but they ended up getting a flat tire while Otto and Wanda are on their way to his house. Also, gotta love that Wendy has left Archie some dinner for him, which includes two apples, celery, a piece of lettuce and a tiny pie on his plate. Can somebody give him something very filling? Like a steak? Anyway, they arrive at Archie's place as Otto unlocks the front door for Wanda as she enters his home and surprises him.
Wanda Gershwitz: Hi. Do you despise me?
(Archie scoffs)
Archie Leach: No, that's not a word that leaps to mind.
"I'm probably thinking of the words, um, how do you Americans say it? Hellooooooo, nurse!" Brian exclaimed, imitating Archie.
Brian: (Narrating) Archie apologizes to Wanda and he tells her that it's all right for the two of them to speak to each other, if they don't discuss the case. Which she is alright with that, and it looks like that Wanda has made his dead parrot come back to life.
Wanda Gershwitz: Oh, you're the best, Archie.
(Wanda and Archie get ready to kiss)
Wanda Gershwitz: No, not yet. I'm thirsty.
Archie Leach: What shall I get you?
Wanda Gershwitz: Whiskey.
Archie Leach: You are the sexiest, most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my entire life.
"Isn't that what her husband Christopher Guest said to Jamie Lee Curtis in his wedding vows?" Sean asked.
(Cut to the exterior shot of Archie's home, where we see Wanda and Archie kissing. Archie picks up Wanda, making her giggle a bit as Otto hears this and sees what's going on.)
Sean: (V/O as Otto) What in the name of Biggus Dickus is goin' on in... oh, that asshole!
Wanda Gershwitz: Oh! Oh, Archie. Mmm! (As Archie continues to kiss her) Oh, Archie! (Sighs deeply) So, if George decides to change his plea, he'd tell you where the loot is first, wouldn't he?
Archie Leach: (Stops kissing Wanda's neck) Hmm? Darling, we musn't talk about the trial, okay?
"Come on, no talking about the trial here. We paid good money just to see John Cleese get some action from Jamie Lee Curtis. It's not every day that you see a member of Monty Python getting laid from the chick from Halloween." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) Right when Archie and Wanda are about to do the nasty, Otto enters the house and sees Wanda getting intimate with Archie. But she needed something to drink again as Archie leaves the room to fetch her something to drink, leaving her alone with Otto.
Wanda Gershwitz: What are you doing here?
Otto West: Relax.
Wanda Gershwitz: Get the fuck out of here, Otto.
Otto West: I heard moaning. I was worried.
Wanda Gershwitz: I was faking it, you stupid jerk.
Otto West: Don't ever call me stupid! And I'm not jealous.
Wanda Gershwitz: Then leave!
Otto West: Okay! (Pushes Wanda down on the couch) It's a nice place.
"Whoa, easy, Otto. No need to turn into Rick from Degrassi by pushing Wanda like she's Terri." Sean said.
"Well, at least there's a couch for her to land on safely instead of hitting her head on a concrete block that would make her end up in a coma." Brian pointed out.
Brian: (Narrating) Wendy returns from the opera with Portia as Otto and Wanda hide so she won't see them and we get one of the funniest reactions ever to come from John Cleese.
Archie Leach: Champagne.
(He sees Wendy sitting on the couch and screams in horror)
Wendy: What's the matter? What are you doing?
"Hey, I would scream too if I saw the Angel of Death sitting in my room." Sean said while Brian starts laughing.
Sean: (Narrating) Archie tries to play it cool but Wendy is on full interrogation mode as she asks him about the car that's blocking the driveway, then Otto pops up from hiding and he introduces himself with the most funniest name ever.
Wendy: Who is this?
Archie Leach: Don't you know?
Otto West: How do you do, Mrs. Leach? I'm Harvey Manfresn...jen...sen...ton. I'm, uh, with the CIA.
Wendy: CIA?
Otto West: That's correct, ma'am. I was, uh, just telling your husband here, before I had to go to your beautiful bathroom, we've got a high-ranking KGB defector in a safe house near here. We're debriefing him as of now, and, uh, we're just, uh, checking all the houses in the neighborhood.
Wendy: For what?
Otto West: For KGB.
Wendy: Is there any danger?
Otto West: No, no, no. No, uh... (clears throat) No, no, not now. We, uh... We, uh, just want ot keep everyone informed.
"Otto, here's the thing on what people in the CIA do, they don't announce to people some highly-top secret information that would put them at risk, you stupid idiot." Brian said.
Otto West: Don't ever call me stupid!
Brian: (Narrating) Hell, even Wendy pointed it out as well.
Wendy: But isn't it a secret?
Otto West: You have no idea how secret.
Wendy: Well, why are you telling eveyone?
Otto West: It's a smokescreen?
Wendy: What?
Otto West: Double bluff. Look, you obviously don't know anything about intelligence work, lady. It's an XK Red 27 technique.
Wendy: My father was in the Secret Service, Mr. Manfrenjenssenton, and I know perfectly well that you don't keep the general public informed when you are debriefing KGB defectors in a safe house.
Otto West: Oh, you don't, huh?
Wendy: Not unless you're congenitally insane or irretrievably stupid, no.
"Ewww! You shouldn't have said that, lady. That's the one thing that he doesn't like being called." Sean said.
Otto West: Don't call me stupid.
Wendy: Why on earth not?
Otto West: Oh, you English are so superior, aren't you? Well, would you like to know where you'd be without us, the old US of A, to protect you? I'll tell you. The smallest fucking province in the Russian Empire, that's what! So don't call me stupid, lady. Just thank me.
"Herr West, you were never in the CIA, were you?" Brian said with a German accent.
Sean: (Narrating) Archie tries to get rid of Wendy to go to the pub so she won't see Wanda, while Wanda tries to grab her necklace, but then Portia picks it and when Wendy sees it, she thinks it's a gift from Archie and he gets a little lovin' from Wendy. Wanda leaves the house and she has a little choice words for Otto.
Wanda Gershwitz: (Whispering) Are you fucking crazy?
Otto West: Hey, I saved your ass.
Wanda Gershwitz: I had him right where I wanted him, you asshole!
Otto West: Hey, hey, hey!
Wanda Gershwitz: I give you one thing to do, Otto, one fucking thing. You're supposed to drive me here and shut up!
Otto West: Oh, relax.
"Let's just say that he won't be speaking in Italian for tonight." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) The next day, Ken gets ready to kill Mrs. Coady, by sending a killer dog out to kill her, and it leads to a pretty dark, yet funny moment.
(Ken sends the killer dog out to kill Mrs. Coady. But instead, it grabs one of Mrs. Coady's small dogs)
"Holy shit!" Brian exclaimed.
"Bleeding Jesus!" Sean yelled out.
Sean: (Narrating) So yeah, the dog killed one of Mrs. Coady's dogs, and yet she doesn't die. Luckily, she has her heart medication. And later, she gives the dog a funeral and Ken feels bad for having the dog killed. Don't worry, this gets pretty dark, yet funny when this running gag continues.
(Cut to Otto visiting Ken)
Otto West: Hello, honey. What happened?
Ken Pile: Noithing.
Otto West: (Sees his arm) What's that?
Ken Pile: Uh...
Otto West: Not Granny?
Ken Pile: Not yet.
Otto West: Oh.
Ken Pile: No.
Otto West: Who's it for, then?
Ken Pile: (Stuttering) A f...
Otto West: A fish. Frenchman. A phone operator.
Ken Pile: Friend.
Otto West: Oh! A four-legged one? (Mock-sobbing)
"Damn, Otto. Can you be even more insensitive?" Brian asked.
Brian: (Narrating) Otto goes to see Wanda, who's busy getting ready to go out to see Archie, and Otto learns that she's going out to see him after finding a letter from him in her purse, and his jealousy gets the better of him.
(Otto grabs a framed photo of Wanda and punches it in anger, breaking it)
Otto West: Oh, sorry.
(Otto hands the photo to Ken)
"Okay, how can he not scream in pain from doing that?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Back with Archie, he's trying to give Wendy a different necklace in exchange for Wanda's necklace, but Wendy does not want to part with it
Wendy: You paid for it!
Archie Leach: Yes, well, they do accept their mistake, darling, and that's why they're offering you this to replace it. It's over three times as valuable...
Wendy: This is the nicest thing you've ever given me, which I absolutely love, and now you want me to give it back and replace it with something awfully vulgar.
Archie Leach: No, I don't want you to give it back...
Wendy: They can't have it.
Archie Leach: Wendy.
Wendy: No.
Archie Leach: Wendy.
Wendy: No.
Archie Leach: Wendy!
Wendy: No! Tell them they can't have it! You're the bloody barrister!
(Wendy slams the door)
(The same clip from King of the Hill is shown once more)
Hank Hill: What a bitch.
Brian: (Narrating) Wanda goes to meet with Archie at a place that's owned by his friend who happens to be in Hong Kong and immediately, he wants to make love to her and he takes her upstairs to get busy with her until Otto spies on them.
Archie Leach: Your brother didn't bring you here this time, did he?
Wanda Gershwitz: No.
Archie Leach: He has no idea?
Wanda Gershwitz: He doesn't have a clue.
Archie Leach: What?
(Wanda chuckles)
Wanda Gershwitz: He is so dumb.
Archie Leach: Really?
Wanda Gershwitz: He thought that the Gettysburg Address was where Lincoln lived.
(Archie and Wanda both laugh)
Sean and Brian both started to laugh.
"What's next? He thinks that Coca-Cola is a soda that you snort into your nose?" Sean asked.
"Here's a better one: Otto thinking that Hawaiian Punch is a type of fighting move." Brian said while he continues to laugh.
"God, he is so stupid." Sean said.
Otto West: Don't call me stupid.
(Wanda and Archie both scream)
Archie Leach: Oh, my...
Sean: (Narrating) Otto cockblocks Wanda and throws her in the closet to and deals with Archie to show him what happens when you mess with another man's woman.
Otto West: Now. Apologize.
Wanda Gershwitz: (In the closet) Otto!
Archie Leach: What?
Otto West: (Softly) Apologize.
Archie Leach: Are you totally deranged?
(Otto gets offended)
Otto West: You pompous, stuck-up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerp, scumbag, fuck-face, dickhead asshole!
Archie Leach: How very interesting. You're a true vulgarian, aren't you?
"I could say the same thing about you guys." Brian said.
(A clip from Scenes of a Sexual Nature is shown)
Billy (Played by Ewan McGregor): What a minger.
(A clip from Flushed Away is shown)
Sid (Voiced by Shane Ritchie): You plonker!
(A clip from Lesbian Vampire Killers is shown)
Fletch (Played by James Corden): Fuck this! Run you, bellend!
(A clip from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is shown)
Ronald Weasley (Played by Rupert Grint): Piss off.
(A clip from Titanic is shown)
Lookout Frederick Fleet (Played by Scott G. Anderson): Bugger me!
(A clip from Father Ted is shown)
Father Ted Crilly (Played by Dermot Morgan): Oh, bollocks!
"And you say us Americans are the vulgar ones, you fucking wanker." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) Otto tries to get Archie to apologize, but he won't apologize to a true vulgarian, leading to...
(Otto dangles Archie out a window)
Archie Leach: All right, all right, I apologize.
Otto West: You're really sorry.
Archie Leach: I'm really, really sorry. I apologise unreservedly.
Otto West: You take it back.
Archie Leach: I do. I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by malice. And I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you, or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future.
Otto West: Okay.
"Nah, can't be that simple." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) Back with Ken, he gets ready to eliminate Mrs. Coady while he's disguised as a Rastafarian. (Laughs) Oh, sweet Jesus. Really, dude? Is that what you're going to dress up as while you get ready to kill someone? Why don't you dress up as Cardinal Ximinez of Spain from the Spanish Inquisition sketch or maybe Foreign Secretary Vyacheslav Molotov?
"Jeez. You know, I wonder how this hit would turn out." Sean said.
(Ken speeds up as Mrs. Coady backs away. The car starts swerving and crashes into a dumpster. Ken gets out of the car, injured, and we see the result of the hit, as we see another one of Mrs. Coady's dogs, comically flattened. Mrs. Coady is shocked as she falls to the ground and screams)
"Damn it, Ken! You got one job. ONE JOB!" Brian yelled out.
Brian: (Narrating) So yeah, so much for that botched assassination attempt on an elderly lady's life. And she had to bury another one. Meanwhile, Otto and Wanda begin to argue about her relationship with Archie.
Wanda Gershwitz: I was dealing with something delicate, Otto. I'm setting up a guy who's incredibly important to us, who's gonna tell me where the loot is and if they're gonna come and arrest you, and you come loping in like Rambo without a jockstrap and you dangle him out a fifth-floor window. Now, was that smart?
Otto West: Okay.
Wanda Gershwitz: Was it shrewd? Was it good tactics, or was it stupid?
Otto West: You... (Sighs) Don't call me stupid.
Wanda Gershwitz: Oh, right! To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I've known sheep that could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?
Otto West: Apes don't read philosophy.
"God, how stupid is this..." Sean said.
Otto West: Don't call me stupid.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shut up." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) In order to make things right, Otto must apologize to Archie, which won't be that easy as he heads to Archie's house and comes across a break-in. But it turns out that it's Archie stealing back Wanda's necklace and making it look like a robber has ransacked his home and beats him down, only to find that he just attacked Archie.
Otto West: I'm sorry. I didn't know it was you. How could I know it was you? I mean, how could you expect me to guess? You stupid jerk. I mean, what the fuck are you doing robbing your own house? You asshole! (He kicks Archie repeatedly) You stupid, stiff, pompous, English... (Screams and stops beating up Archie) I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Uh... uh... Yeah.
(Otto makes a run for it)
"Run, little fatty, run." Brian said.
Brian: (Narrating) Wendy returns home after Otto leaves, only to find the place a mess. Also, gotta love John Cleese in this scene with him hiding the necklace in his mouth and trying not to talk. That is some good comedic timing right there.
Wendy: Archie, we've been burgled.
Archie Leach: Oh, no!
Wendy: Well, are you hurt?
Archie Leach: No, I'm... I'm fine. Bit of a headache. I, uh... I came in here. Somebody hit me, tied me up with a... My God, is that the time?
Wendy: What?
"Oh, I'm sorry, Wendy. I was checking the time. I'm missing a new episode of Eastenders. I know that we've been robbed and you care about my safety, but I just gotta watch Eastenders." Sean said, imitating Archie.
Sean: (Narrating) But enough of Archie being attacked and all, he's got a hot date with Wanda as she arrives and he surprises her with her necklace. Hopefully, no one interrupts them.
Wanda Gershwitz: Let's make love.
Archie Leach: Well, if you absolutely insist.
Wanda Gershwitz: No.
Archie Leach: What?
Wanda Gershwitz: (Points to the floor) Here, on the rug.
"Whoa! On the rug?" Brian asked.
"Damn, she's a freak." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) No, actually she's getting him to get undressed while she changes into something more comfortable. Originally, Jamie Lee Curtis was supposed to be nude in the scene, but after Trading Places, she didn't want to do another nude scene, so she suggests that John Cleese would be the one to get naked, which makes it pretty hilarious.
"Also, if you want to get a woman turned on, try speaking in Russian." Brian said.
(Archie speaks in Russian, which turns Wanda on. He continues to speak in Russian while getting undressed)
"Man, I should try speaking in Russian to Taylor. But then again, she'll think that I'm a Russian spy." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Archie continues to get naked for Wanda, but then a family enters the house, leading to one of my favorite funny moments from the movie that never fails to make me laugh.
(The family enters the house and sees Archie naked. Archie turns around and sees them. Shocked and embarrassed, Archie grabs the framed photo of the woman to cover up his private parts)
Mr. Johnson (Played by Jeremy Child): What the hell are you doing?
Archie Leach: I might ask you the same question!
Mr. Johnson: Who are you?
Archie Leach: What?
Mr. Johnson: Get your clothes on.
Archie Leach: Will you leave immediately, please?
Mr. Johnson: What?
Archie Leach: You're in the wrong flat. This flat belongs to Patrick Balfour. He's in Hong Kong and he lent me the key. Now get out.
Mr. Johnson: But we leased it from the agents last weekend.
(Archie stays silent for a bit)
"Boy, how embarrassing is this for him to make a fool of himself and in front of a family too. I bet their children would be scarred for life from seeing this guy naked." Brian said.
Mrs. Johnson (Played by Pamela Miles): Aren't you Archie Leach?
Archie Leach: What?
Mrs. Johnson: You bought our house in Lissenden Gardens. Hazel and Ian Johnson.
Archie Leach: What a coincidence! (Laughs awkwardly) How nice to see you.
"Wow... that was awkward." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) After making a fool of himself, Archie calls Wanda to tell her that he can't see her anymore. As he arrives home, he gets a surprise visit from Otto, who's trying to apologize to him, but Archie is more afraid of him now.
Archie Leach: I just finished it, all right?
Otto West: Okay, okay, wait, I just wanna...
Archie Leach: No, I...
Otto West: Wait, where are you going? I wanna speak with you.
Archie Leach: I just ended it, for Christ's sake.
Otto West: I just wanna apologize.
Archie Leach: Will you leave me alone?
Otto West: Wait.
(Otto chases Archie)
Archie Leach: I just ended it, all right?
Otto West: Will you wait? Wait! I just wanna say I'm sorry!
"Oh, come on, Archie. He's not going to kill you for boinking his sister, I mean, lover." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) Also, when you're talking to someone and making all that commotion, make sure that nobody is listening in on your conversation. Or better yet, just keep your mouth shut.
Otto West: Now, about my sister.
Archie Leach: Otto, I just...
Otto West: Look, she's a very sexy girl. I understand you wanting to play around with her.
(Wendy is listening in on their conversation)
Archie Leach: Otto...
Otto West: It's okay. I was wrong. I'm sorry I was jealous. Just go ahead. Pork away, pal! Fuck her blue. I like you, Archie. I just wanna help.
(A clip from Breaking Bad is shown)
Skyler (Played by Anna Gunn): Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!
"Yeah, what she said." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) The next day, Ken has his third chance at trying to kill Mrs. Coady, this time by trying to shoot her with a sniper rifle. Wait, what? Is he trying to pull a Lee Harvey Oswald on that old lady...
(Ken aims at the pulley that's holding a concrete statue)
"Or he'll drop a statue on her. Jesus Christ, this movie just got dark." Brian said.
(Ken shoots at the pulley, causing the statue to fall on Mrs. Coady. Instead, the statue lands on her dog, crushing it)
Ken Pile: Oh, God!
"Holy shit! That was really dark! That's the darkest animal death that I have ever seen!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) But because of the death of her dog, this causes Mrs. Coady to have a heart attack and die, which makes Ken very happy. Again, love this movie's dark humor. With Mrs. Coady dead, this is all good news to George as he is happy that there's no witness that he'll go free and he'll take the loot with him as well.
George Thomason: Now, here's the plan. You get four tickets for this evening for Rio, first class. Then...
Ken Pile: Uh... (Stuttering)
George Thomason: Yeah, four. We get rid of Otto later. Then back to the flat. Pack, collect me. Then to the Cathcart Towers Hotel to pick up the jewels. (Stifles his laughter) Unbe-fucking-lievable!
Guard: Oi! Oi!
"Oi! Enough of this vulgarity and take your hands off of him!" Brian said, imitating the guard.
Brian: (Narrating) Ken tells Wanda the news about George and she's very happy about it and she makes her way down to court right when Otto calls and Ken tells him about Mrs. Coady and that he owes him a pound. And another thing: don't blab about the location of something to someone, because they might do this to you.
(Cut to Ken, who is tied to a chair while Otto is eating chips)
Ken Pile: What's happening?
Otto West: Well, Ken, I'm going to ask you some questions while I eat my chips.
"Funniest. Torture. Scene. Ever." Brian said in his Comic Book Guy voice.
Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, this is another one of the funniest scenes ever and also, this is the scene that killed that elderly man when he saw the scene. He laughed so hard from it, that he ended up dying. Here's a dramatization of what happened.
(Cutaway Gag Start)
(We open with Sean, as we see him playing the elderly man in the movie theater watching the scene where Otto sticks french fries up Ken's nostrils)
Sean (as Ole Bentzen): (Laughs) Oh, my God! That's the funniest thing ever! Oh, it made me think about the dinner incident involving the cauliflower up somebody's nose.
(Sean continues to laugh hard until his heart stopped and drops dead to the floor)
Brian: (V/O as Narrator) It was obvious, the scene was lethal.
(Cutaway Gag Ends)
Brian: (Narrating) Otto interrogates Ken by asking him questions about Nietzsche and sticking chips up his nose and where the diamonds are. And when Ken doesn't tell him, Otto comes up with another diabolical plan, by eating Ken's fish to make him talk.
Otto West: Oop! Here, boy. Down the hatch.
(Otto eats the fish as Ken gasps in shock)
Otto West: Delicious!
"Now, before you all lose your shit over this, let me just point out that the fish that Kevin Kline ate were made out of Jell-O." Sean said.
Otto West: (To the fish) Hello, Lunch! Hello.
(Otto eats another fish and makes a disgusted look)
Otto West: Ew! Avoid the green ones. They're not ripe yet. (Laughing mockingly)
"This Jell-O tastes a little strange. Did Bill Cosby put something in it?" Sean asked, imitating Otto while the audience boos at him. "Thank you! You've been great!"
Otto West: I'm almost full. (Sees Ken's pet fish Wanda) Almost.
(Ken gasps)
Ken Pile: Stop! Please, don't.
Otto West: Come on, Wanda! Gullet time! What are those names of those hotels that are right by the airport, Ken? What are they? The, uh, Airway Sheraton, the Posthouse, the Cathcart Towers, the... The Cathcart Towers! Yes? (Slurps Wanda in his mouth) Mmm? Mmm?
Ken Pile: Yes.
Otto West: (Muffled) In a safe deposit box?
Ken Pile: (Meekly) Yes.
(Otto says something in a muffled voice)
Ken Pile: What?
(Otto spits out Wanda)
Otto West: Where's the key?
"Up your ass and around the corner." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) Ken tells Otto that the key is in the treasure chest and when he looks for it, the key is not there and Otto proceeds to eat Wanda and sticks the pear in his mouth. So, he calls up Wanda to tell her where the diamonds are and she tells him that she has the key.
Brian: (Narrating) During the trial, Wanda testifies as a defense witness to give out her statement, but instead she ends up screwing George over by giving away evidence incriminating him. And let's not forget that Wendy is watching the whole thing.
Archie Leach: (Stammering) When you say five to seven, Miss, uh, Gershwitz, how can you be so sure?
Wanda Gershwitz: Oh, I looked at the clock, 'cause I was saying to myself, "Where could he be going at five to seven with that sawed-off shotgun?"
Archie Leach: Darling!
Judge (Played by Geoffrey Palmer): Mr. Leach. "Darling"?
Archie Leach: Yes, dear?
George Thomason: You bitch! You fucking bitch!
(Wanda screams as George goes after her)
Judge: Restrain that man!
(Archie grabs George and tries to pull him away from Wanda, but George elbows Archie in the gut amd headbutts him)
(A clip from Blind Date is shown)
Judge Harold Bedford (Played by William Daniels): (Slams his gavel) ORDER IN THE GODDAMN COURT!
(Cut back to the movie as we see the guards restraining George and everybody leaving the courtroom)
Judge: Clear the court! Clear the court!
(Cut back to the clip from Blind Date)
Judge Harold Bedford: You alright, Agnes?
Sean: (Narrating) Well, at least Archie's wife is there to see if he's hurt. Now, that's a loving and supportive wife right...
Archie Leach: Ah, you made it. Good. Bit of a knock, I'm afraid.
(Wendy slaps Archie in the face, knocking him senseless)
Wendy: I have never been so humiliated in my life. You can stick this marriage right in your bottom. I'll see you in court.
"You were saying?" Brian asked Sean.
"Okay, let's play that clip one last time, shall we?" Sean asked.
(A clip from King of the Hill is shown)
Hank Hill: What a bitch.
Brian: (Narrating) After being humiliated in court and his marriage ruined, Archie goes to speak to George about the location of the diamonds.
George Thomason: You tell those pigs to fuck off!
Archie Leach: (To the guards) Fuck off, pigs.
(The guards don't leave and Archie turns around)
Archie Leach: Did you hear what I said? Fuck off.
"And you say that Otto is a true vulgarian." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) Archie promises George less prison time and he asks him where the diamonds are and he tells them about Otto and Wanda and they they were in on it as well and that Ken knows the location.
Brian: (Narrating) So Archie rushes over to Ken's flat, but he sees that Wanda is fleeing the court and he drags her along with him.
Archie Leach: So you robbed the jewelers, turned one of your lovers over to the police, kept the other one on to help you find the diamonds, and when he does, you commit perjury in the High Court, right?
Wanda Gershwitz: Come on, Archie. Everybody does it in America.
Archie Leach: Well, not in this country, they don't!
Wanda Gershwitz: Oh, right, like nobody lies in England. Like Margaret Thatcher never lied.
"Or what about Queen Elizabeth? She never lied." Sean said, imitating Wanda.
Sean: (Narrating) Archie heads up to Ken's flat, but then Otto shows up and enters the car with Wanda. Also, it's great to see John Cleese and Michael Palin share a scene together. Archie enters Ken's flat and unties him until...
(A crashing sound is heard from outside)
Archie Leach: Oh, my...
Otto West: Asshole!
(Archie runs over to the window and sees Otto and an irate driver confronting him)
Irate Driver (Played by Anthony Pedley) What the bloody hell do you think you're...
(Otto shoots at the man, shooting his hat off of his head)
Irate Driver: Oh, all right then.
(The irate driver runs back to his car)
"And Otto shows people in England what happens when you mess with American drivers." Brian said.
Brian: (Narrating) Otto kidnaps Wanda and drives to the airport, so now Archie must interrogate Ken to know where they're going and save the girl and get the diamonds.
Archie Leach: Quick! Where have they gone?
Ken Pile: (Stuttering) The... The...
Archie Leach: What? Are you all right? Where have they gone?
Ken Pile: They've gone to the...
Archie Leach: What?
(Ken stutters some more)
"Ken, you stuttering prick!" Sean exclaimed as he imitates Tommy from Goodfellas.
Sean: (Narrating) Okay, just to save you some time, Ken writes down the location and tells him where it is and they race over to Heathrow Airport on Ken's moped. Otto and Wanda recover the diamonds, but she double-crosses that stupid...
Otto West: Don't call me stu...
"Shut the fuck up!" Sean and Brian both said at the same time.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, she double-crosses Otto by knocking him out and locking him in the janitor's closet and makes it to the plane. But Otto manages to get out of the closet and he comes across a Stephen Fry cameo.
Otto West: Excuse me, sir. Airport security. May I see your boarding pass, please?
Hutchison (Played by Stephen Fry): Oh, yes, certainly. Certainly.
(Hutchison shows Otto his boarding pass)
Otto West: Very good. Now, would you mind stepping over here, please?
Hutchison: Oh, yes, of course.
Otto West: Oh, look, the Queen!
Hutchison: (Turns around) Where?
(Otto knocks out Hutchison with his gun)
"Dude, you just knocked out Hugh Laurie's comedy party. He is not going to be happy about that." Brian said.
Brian: (Narrating) Archie grabs Otto's gun and holds him at gunpoint and after he has enough of Otto's shenanigans and him taunting him, Archie sits the gun down on the ground and the two of them settle this like men.
Otto West: You look good, Arch.
Archie Leach: That's right, Otto. I used to box for Oxford.
"Yo, what are you doing? Never leave your gun on..." Sean said.
Otto West: (Picks up the gun) Well, I used to kill for the CIA. Now, get your hands up.
"You stupid son of a bitch!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) Otto takes Archie outside to take him out, but he has to humiliate him first by having him climb into a barrell of sludge before he kills him.
Otto West: You English. You think you're so superior, don't you? Well, you're the filth of the planet. A bunch of pompous, badly dressed, poverty-stricken, sexually repressed football hooligans.
Archie Leach: Well, at least we're not irretrievably vulgar.
Otto West: You know what your problem? You don't like winners.
Archie Leach: Winners?
Otto West: Yeah, winners.
Archie Leach: Winners, like North Vietnam?
Otto West: Shut up!
"Ooh, yikes, He had to bring that up." Brian said.
Otto West: We did not lose to Vietnam. It was a tie!
Archie Leach: (In American accent) I'm telling you, baby, they kicked your little ass there. Boy, they whupped your hide real good!
Otto West: No, they didn't.
Archie Leach: Oh, yes, they did.
Otto West: Oh, no, they didn't.
Archie Leach: Oh, yes, they did!
Otto West: Oh, no, they... Shut up!
"Yeah, shut up about your alleged work for the CIA, Otto." Brian said.
Brian: (Narrating) Ken shows up in a steamroller and gets ready to kill Otto for revenge, giving Archie the opportunity to escape while Otto ends up getting stuck in the cement. What a stupid idiot. Also, Otto and Ken re-enact the climax to Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
Otto West: All right, I'm sorry I ate your fish, okay? I'm sorry.
Ken Pile: Revenge!
Otto West: Jesus, I said I'm sorry! What the fu... AHHHHHHH!
(Ken runs Otto over with the steamroller)
Ken Pile: (Laughs maniacally) Got you again, you bastard! Hey! I've lost my stutter! It's gone. I can speak! How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
"That's good, Ken. Also, let's not forget about the fact that you killed three little doggies, an old lady and now some moron. Nice job, there. You'll have to live with that for the rest of your life." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Archie makes it to the plane and him and Wanda get together, while we see Otto on the side of the plane after surviving a steamroller for some odd reason. Oh, well. At least he gives us one last laugh before the movie ends.
Otto West: (After he falls off of the airplane) ASSHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE!
Brian: (Narrating) And the film ends with Archie and Wanda getting married in Rio and had seventeen children and founded a leper colony, Ken became Master of Ceremonies at SeaWorld and Otto became the Minister for Justice in South Africa. Oh, brother.
"And they all live happily ever after." Brian said.
"That is until they made Fierce Creatures in 1997, which is a spiritual successor to A Fish Called Wanda, but A Fish Called Wanda is still a funny movie than Fierce Creatures." Sean said.
(Clips from the movie are shown once more)
Sean: (Narrating) And that was A Fish Called Wanda and that was certainly a fun movie.
Brian: (Narrating) It's still a funny film over the years. The movie was a smash-hit and is one of the greatest comedies. It's an enjoyable film with some memorable gags, quotes and some romance.
Sean: (Narrating) And let's not forget the performances from the cast. Hell, the biggest highlight of film is Kevin Kline. He is the best part of the movie and he never fails to make me laugh every time I watch it. Every scene that he's in, he tends to be hilarious. A Fish Called Wanda is a clever comedy for everyone to see. If you haven't seen it, then go check it out. If you've seen it already, then give it a watch again, just make sure that you don't die from laughter. A Fish Called Wanda comes in at 5 diamonds being stolen out of 5.
"I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic." Sean said.
"And I'm his friend Brian." Brian said.
"And we'll see you guys next time." Sean said.
Mayhem Critic Tagline- Don't call me stupid.
And that is all for the review of A Fish Called Wanda. So, what did you think of the review and what did you think of the movie when you saw it? I would love to hear your thoughts about it. Next time on The Mayhem Critic, Sean starts a new segment called Interesting Factoids. A segment where he talks about a movie that people already saw and point out some behind the scenes trivia and easter eggs that people missed out on. And for the first film to talk about for Interesting Factoids is the 1987 film RoboCop as he talks about some interesting trivia about it. After Interesting Factoids, is the new Commercials special, Commercials XI: The Bad Batch as Sean and Lucas take a look at another batch of nostalgic and weird commercials. Don't forget to review the new chapter, add this story to your favorites and make sure to follow it for future updates. Also, if you have any requests for a review like a movie or a TV show, feel free to let me know in the comments or PM me if you're interested. Oh, before I go, December is coming up and Mayhem Critic Christmas Month is coming and I've picked out the four Christmas movies to review for that month. Here are the movies that are being reviewed for the month of December:
1. A Christmas Story 2
2. Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July
3. The Santa Clause
4. Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas
Which movie are you excited for me to review next month? Man, I can't wait to review them. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.