AN: I am really new to this fandom, and so I'll just give a bit of a disclaimer to this one. I know we all have different experiences and opinions on what's appropriate, etc. to share with others and I would never shame anyone for anything. I tend to believe that, in an established relationship, Jessica and Seth would be very comfortable and open with one another, especially since he's a doctor, and also her doctor. That being said, I also don't shy away from some of the embarrassing, human, things in my stories. There's a little embarrassment in this scene from their married life.
This story can be read alone, but it's best following "Musings."
I own nothing from Murder, She Wrote.
I hope you enjoy! If you do, please do let me know!
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"Coming around behind you, Jess," Seth said, warning Jessica not to back up as he was moving the hot pan to transfer the food to their plates.
She stayed still, as he'd anticipated that she would, only moving her head enough to judge where he was at the moment. When he'd finished what he was doing, and had moved back to put the pan down, she relaxed and went back to chopping up the vegetables for the salad.
"So—as I was saying, I went ahead and booked that cabin in a month. I'll take the week off, and then it's just the three of us off for some fishing. There are some areas that boast beginner-level hikes, too."
"We're hardly beginners," Jessica said with a laugh.
"We might not be, but our baby girl is," Seth said. "We'll see what the trails look like, Woman, but we're not doing anything that looks rough or risky. My coronary health is tenuous at best. Did you want iced tea or water, Jess?"
"Iced tea," Jessica said. "Your health is wonderful, Seth. Unless—there's something you're not telling me…"
Seth heard the uptick in her voice, and he recognized it as the sudden touch of panic that one gets when one fears that they're about to hear something unexpected and, above everything, unwanted.
Just the slight rise in her voice made Seth's pulse kick up just a notch, in the best way possible. He knew, of course, that Jessica loved him. She told him daily, and she reminded him in countless other ways throughout their days—and nights—together. Still, the little reminders of her love were always precious to Seth.
"Have a seat. I've got that," Seth said, taking the two salad bowls that Jessica had just filled with salad, and placing them on the table. "Sit…Jessica. I've got this. I've got the rest of it."
"We're talking about your health," Jessica said, "and you're acting like I can't carry a salad bowl."
Seth laughed at the hint of indignation in her tone.
"Simmer down, Woman," he said. "I know you can carry a salad bowl—I'd just rather do it for you. It makes me feel useful."
"Seth, you know you're useful," Jessica said, furrowing her brow at him.
"I do," he said. "But knowing and feeling are sometimes two different things."
She seemed to accept his need to do what he wanted to do, and she did take her seat, but not without first gathering the last of the condiments that she imagined they might need for the meal. Finally, they both settled at the table and began their meal.
"It's supposed to be nice tomorrow," Seth said. "I think we ought to buy a couple of steaks. What do you say? Try out that new grill we bought?"
"That sounds wonderful," Jessica said. "I can bake some potatoes, and we'll have salad again."
"Ayuh," Seth said. "The baby always likes salad."
Jessica smiled and her cheeks tinged a slight pink color. Seth had always heard people say that pregnant women glowed, but he'd never truly known what that meant. For all the pregnant women that he'd seen—and he'd seen a great deal of them—he felt like none of them had ever actually truly made him feel that he understood the term "glowing" in the way that people seemed to describe it.
Jessica glowed. And any time that Seth brought up their daughter—which he did any time that he thought he could possibly find a way to work her into a conversation—he felt like Jessica just radiated even more beauty than was normal. And, to Seth, Jessica always radiated beauty. She was, easily, the most beautiful woman in the world, as far as Seth was concerned.
"Seth…be honest with me," Jessica said. "You're not really unwell, are you?"
He laughed quietly.
"No," he said. "I'm as healthy as a horse. But—the thought of you falling or getting hurt? That might just be enough to send me into cardiac arrest." She laughed quietly and he shook his head. "I mean it, Woman. Just sitting here, minding my own business, seeing you across this table from me and knowing that you're the epitome of health…all I have to do is think of you getting hurt on some hike somewhere, and I get weak."
"We'll check the trails first," Jessica said. "I walked into town today, as you know, and I walked back. And I'm not really even feeling particularly tired. In fact, I have more energy, I think, than I do the days that I don't exercise. I did notice that I had to be a little careful on the hills, though."
"Careful how?" Seth asked.
"Nothing happened," she said quickly, waving her hand, perhaps to wave away the concern that he couldn't help but feel and, possibly, show. "I just felt…I don't know. A bit…off balance?"
"You didn't fall, Jess?" He asked.
"No," she said quickly. "No…no…I didn't even stumble. I just felt a little off-kilter. Like I might fall, if I weren't careful. So—I was careful."
Seth immediately felt a flood of relief. He hummed and went back to his food.
"Baby's growing," he said. "Your center of gravity changes a little almost every day. You feel a little off-kilter because you are a little off-kilter. Take it slow, Jessica, and try not to test fate by doing things you know will throw you off balance."
"I won't," Jessica assured him.
"That includes—not pushing for trails that might be a bit too much," Seth said.
"I understand, Seth," Jessica said.
He could sense that her dander was up a bit.
"Don't get short with me," Seth said. "It may not be much, Jessica, and it's nothing in comparison to what you do every day, but this is it. This is all that I can do, Woman, to take care of the two most important things in my life, and I'm going to keep looking out for both of you, even if you decide to throw a hissy fit."
Immediately, Seth saw her relax a little.
"You take very good care of both of us," she said. "And I appreciate it—and you—immensely, Seth. Even if I don't say it enough. I'm not going to ask to do anything dangerous. We'll do the easy hikes."
"And you're fishing from the bank, a dock, or a boat, only," Seth said. "No wading."
She laughed at that.
"Absolutely no wading," she said. She put her fork down long enough to do something of a cross across her chest. "I'm staying out of the water. You don't have to worry about that."
Seth simply hummed at her in response. She returned to eating, and so did he, but he couldn't help but get the feeling that she was distracted or had something on her mind. He tried to give her some silent space—which really wasn't that difficult, since they were both happy to be quiet in each other's company—to get around to opening up to him, but by the time they were finishing up their meal, it was becoming increasingly obvious that she was just going to stew over whatever she was thinking.
Seth helped with the dishes, drying as Jessica washed. It was a rhythm that they fell into without any conversation at all, and Seth felt a bit concerned as he watched the line between Jessica's brows grow ever-deeper as she lost herself in whatever she was thinking about.
Finally, Seth found that he couldn't stand it any longer.
"If I shouldn't have booked the cabin…" He said.
"What?" She asked, furrowing her brow a bit more. She had been pulled from her thoughts, and she was clearly waking, in a way, to the conversation that he'd begun.
"The cabin," Seth said. "I know you said something about—it would be nice to go when it's cold, and we could go again, Jess…but I thought…for fishing and hiking…" He laughed, hearing his nerves in his own voice. "Going when it's colder is more—taking a weekend to enjoy hot chocolate and snuggling by the fireplace."
Her features had relaxed a bit. Then, she smiled. She handed him the last of the dishes to dry and, when he finished with it, he handed her the towel to dry her hands while he put the plate away. When he turned around, she opened her arms to him, and he came to her without need of more invitation than that. She hugged him, and he let the hug last as long as she wanted, allowing her to pull away first. Her smile renewed.
"Seth—I love you, and I love that you booked a cabin for us," Jessica said. "I can't think of a better way to spend a week with you than fishing and hiking—and maybe indulging in a few other…more private activities?"
Seth felt his face burn a bit warm. Jessica—who had been his best friend for a long time, but had given him the proverbial romantic cold shoulder for a most of that time—hadn't really had a very rich romantic past outside of her late husband, Frank. She'd gone out with men since Frank's passing, but she was a touch traditional and, to some, maybe even a bit old-fashioned. Seth didn't criticize. He was, as well, a bit traditional and old-fashioned, and they fit together perfectly. Jessica hadn't really dated before Frank, and she had limited her dating after his death. The last thing she could be called was promiscuous.
However, Seth certainly couldn't join in with any of the men he knew who liked to complain that their wives denied them marital relations. That wasn't the case, at all, in his marriage to Jessica.
Jessica enjoyed sex with Seth, and Seth surely enjoyed sex with Jessica. And, though there had been no shortage of desire or passion before, Seth was almost certain that the baby Jessica carried—along with making her emotional beyond what she would have preferred—made her desire sex even more.
"Woman—we can indulge in any activity you want," Seth said. "In fact, I don't see any reason we ought to wait. We can start practicing right now, to make sure we're up to peak performance on our vacation."
Her cheeks ran pink, but her smile was sincere. Her kiss was sincere, too, and it was all that Seth could do to not just drag her upstairs immediately.
There would be time for that, though—plenty of time. And Seth knew that he would enjoy it more—and she would, too—if he knew that she didn't have anything weighing on her mind that might distract her.
"I have to ask, Jess…you've seemed like something's been on your mind all night. If it's not the cabin, I'd appreciate the chance to know what it is."
She frowned at him.
"I don't want to ruin your evening, Seth," Jessica said.
Seth immediately felt nervous laughter bubble up in him.
"Too late for that now, Jessica," he said. "You just saying that means you have to tell me, now, or my evening really will be ruined."
She sighed, rolled her eyes, and shook her head. For whatever reason, it stirred up humor in Seth, and he laughed.
"I'm sorry, Jessica," he said, immediately.
"No…you're well within your rights to laugh," she said with another sigh. "Seth—I swear…I'm so…" She held her hands out to demonstrate what she was, waving them just enough that he could easily fill in the blanks.
"You want me to tell you it's her?" He asked, relieved to see that she was, at least, in good spirits. Whatever was bothering her was, in fact, on her mind, but she wasn't letting it reach too deep a level of concern. It didn't have him worried about her blood pressure. Of course, he knew that concerns—even little ones—were like splinters. If you didn't get them out, they could sometimes work their way out naturally, but sometimes they went the other way and worked their way down deeper, eventually festering and becoming something of genuine concern.
"I know it's her," Jessica said. "And I know you're going to tell me that it'll get better—just as soon as she's born."
"Well—then you don't know me at all, Woman," Seth teased. She asked him to clarify with nothing more than her eyebrows. "Even after she's born, I'm afraid it's going to take you some time to gain full control over your feelings. Tell me what's on your mind, Jess. You know that I enjoy hearing it."
She laughed quietly.
"You enjoy me having some…issue to bring up to you whenever you've spent all day listening to everyone else's issues?"
"Mmmhmmm," Seth hummed. "I feel like a bigger hero helping you with these issues than I've felt doing things that the world would tell me were far more important, Woman. Besides—this is how I get to…to connect with her in some way. This is how we handle family things together, right now. Do you want to deprive me of that? Leave me out?"
"You are almost insufferable, sometimes," Jessica said with a laugh and a roll of her eyes. She recognized that he was teasing, just as much as he recognized that she was teasing.
But they both understood the vein of truth that ran beneath all of it.
Seth saw the moment, too, that Jessica's expression changed slightly, and she drew in a deep breath. She was ready to tell him whatever it was that was on her mind, and he felt a slight thrill at the opportunity to simply help her carry it, even if he could actually do nothing more to help her.
"I saw Loretta and Phyllis today," Jessica said.
"Before you came to meet me for lunch," Seth said. Jessica nodded. "You didn't tell me anything else about the visit except—you couldn't focus on your novel. Did something else happen?"
Jessica half-smiled and shrugged her shoulders.
"Loretta made a big deal over how…how big the baby's getting."
Seth smiled, feeling a rush of affection. Jessica was very enamored of her tummy—like any mother-to-be, she treasured the proof of their little one, as did Seth—but she was also very critical of it. She had an image of what it should be in her mind, and it simply wasn't whatever she imagined. It disappointed her, sometimes, almost to the point of tears—not that it took a great deal to get her to tears when things were feeling out of her control. Seth thought she looked beautiful—perfect—but he couldn't get her to see it his way just yet.
Maybe, however, Loretta could.
"She's growing a great deal," Seth agreed. "And her mother is looking beautiful."
He pressed his hand to her belly, and she let him without any protest at all. She enjoyed when he did that, and he enjoyed it, too. He had learned that it was an easy way to distract her, if she was getting a bit worked up over something regarding their little one, and it was a good way to comfort her, too. He was almost certain that he felt her relax when he touched her.
"Loretta said the same thing," Jessica said. "Her words might have been a little different, but…"
"So—what's on your mind, Jess?" Seth asked.
"I'm not sure that she's growing like she should be," Jessica said.
Seth waited a moment, but she didn't immediately elaborate.
"Do you have anything to base that hunch on, Jess?" Seth asked. "Because—if you do, I'll call first thing in the morning about getting us in at Augusta. They'll see us, in the case of an emergency, on the same day."
"She isn't kicking," Jessica said.
Seth knew that it might still be a while before he could feel the baby kicking. He was anxious to feel it, honestly, but he was patient and realistic. He'd felt many babies move in the womb, so he knew what to expect, but he knew that nothing would ever prepare for him the moment he anticipated most—feeling his daughter moving inside of Jessica.
"You mean…she hasn't kicked today?" Seth asked.
"Ever," Jessica said. "She hasn't kicked ever."
Seth's stomach tightened. He realized that Jessica had never mentioned the baby kicking before. Most of his patients, though, seemed to come in declaring how much their baby moved or kicked from nearly the moment he confirmed they were pregnant.
"Jess…" He said, not sure how he wanted to proceed.
"I know," she said. "I know…I didn't think about it, and then…they asked me today about her kicking. Seth—I could see it on their faces. Nobody said anything except…they were sure she would kick soon, but…"
Seth could sense panic building in Jessica. Of course, part of that could be the panic he felt building in himself. He pushed it to the side quickly, realizing that it wouldn't do either of them any good.
"OK—don't worry, Jess. Let's just…can you do something for me?" Seth asked.
"What?" She asked.
"Something I've done when…when I have a patient who is concerned that her baby might not be moving enough," Seth said.
"I'll do whatever you want, but…I'm worried," Jessica said. "Seth—if she isn't moving…"
"Just—do what I ask?" Seth interrupted.
"Fine," Jessica said. "I'll do whatever you want."
Seth went directly to the freezer. He found a container of ice cream and carried it over to the counter. He rummaged around, and found a spoon—enough to scoop some of it into a bowl. He ignored, to the best of his ability, that he felt far more nervous than he knew was medically reasonable.
He wasn't just a doctor right now. Right now, he was a father and a husband, first and foremost.
"It's perfectly reasonable that you might not be able to feel the baby, Jess. Not yet. So, there's no need to panic. No matter what, OK? I mean—many mothers do feel the baby by now, but that's not every mother. And this is…well…it's not exactly your first time, but…"
"But it's the first time that I've ever made it this far," Jessica said. "And that's what has me worried."
"Reasonably so," Seth said. "Here—eat this. All of it."
"Ice cream, Seth?"
"Please, Jess," he said, returning the carton to the freezer.
She nodded, clearly not wanting to argue with him. She wasn't panicking—a credit to her, really, since her hormones had her feelings bouncing all over the place, these days, and sometimes quite outside of her control. She shoveled the ice cream into her mouth more like she was taking medicine than enjoying a dessert.
"Don't give yourself brain freeze, Woman."
"Well—does the speed in which I eat it change what it does for the baby?" She asked. "I'm afraid my…my primary care physician was unclear about this course of treatment."
Seth laughed.
"I deserve that," he said. "I just want the sugar in your body. Quickly is good, but it doesn't have to be a marathon."
Jessica calmed a little and ate the ice cream a little more normally. Seth took the bowl when she'd finished, and he placed it in the sink.
"What now?" Jessica asked.
"Go and lie down on the couch or—on the bed," Seth said. "Your preference. I want you to get comfortable."
He grabbed his stethoscope from his bag, just in case he needed it. He cursed himself that he hadn't brought a doppler, but he had had success before, in a pinch, with a stethoscope. If he couldn't hear anything, or they couldn't get some relief from concern, he'd run back to the office. Whatever he needed to do, he would do it, to either get them both some peace of mind, or at least to keep them both calm until the next day, when he could get Jessica in for an emergency check-up with her doctors.
He was hoping, however, this was no emergency at all, and none of it would be necessary—not even the stethoscope, for now.
Jessica had chosen the couch, and he wasn't about to argue. He lowered himself to his knees next to her.
"Alright—let's see her," Seth said. Jessica helped him move her shirt and pants enough to bare her belly.
"What do I do?" Jessica asked.
"I want you to focus on relaxing," Seth said. "Close your eyes. Take a couple of deep breaths with me." She mimicked him, and he took a few deep breaths with her. He was no worse off, after all, for calming slightly. Gently, he probed her abdomen. "The ice cream is cold," he said. "Cold and sweet is best. Now—I'm just waking her up, in case she was sleeping. The best thing you can do for this is relax, Jess. Keep breathing. Focus on her. How do you feel?"
"Nervous," Jessica said.
"Beyond that," he said. "Focus on—my hands. Feel her beneath my hands, Jessica. Deep breaths. What do you feel?"
He felt her starting to relax—to really relax. She sighed.
"Your hands," she said. "I know I've said it before, but…I do love when you touch me like that."
Seth smiled.
"I'm going to touch you however you want, as much as you want. You have my word on that," he said. He rested his hand on her belly, now, no longer trying to stimulate the baby in any way. His hand gently resting there, he knew, would help keep Jessica as calm as she was now. "What else, Jess? Tell me everything you feel…anything at all."
She drew in a breath and let it out. She was quiet for a long while, and he let the silence fall between them. He leaned and gently pressed his lips to her belly. She smiled and hummed her pleasure at the gesture.
"It's embarrassing, but…"
"Woman, I'm a doctor," Seth said. "Nothing is embarrassing to me."
"It may not be embarrassing to you," she said, "but it's embarrassing to me."
"We're talking about our daughter's health and well-being," Seth said. "I want to know everything."
"I feel…well…gas," she said.
The way she said it, Seth might have believed that she thought he'd never encountered that before in another human being.
"You need to relieve yourself?" Seth asked. Jessica's expression told him how much she hated the conversation. He laughed. "Jessica—the only reason that I care at all about you having gas is that it pleases me…just like any normal bodily function would. Because people who cease to have normal bodily functions are no longer with us, and I wish for you to not only be with me for the rest of my life, but to outlive me by a considerable amount of time. And I assure you that, should that come to pass, will be no stranger to each other's bodily functions by the end of it all. Do you need to relieve yourself?"
"No," Jessica said. "No—it's not that kind."
"Not that kind? What kind, pray tell, is it?" Seth asked.
She groaned, but accepted that he wasn't going to let her out of it.
"It just stays," she said. "Sort of—moves around. Then it's gone."
"And it's not gone in the normal manner…" He said, trying to be delicate enough so as to not embarrass her. He wasn't bothered, but he had come to understand that women were—and Jessica, as his wife, seemed to think that he would somehow find her less appealing if he knew that she was exactly as nature made her to be.
"No," Jessica said.
Seth felt a catch in his own stomach. He laughed to himself.
"Jess—you're telling me that…you have gas," Seth said. "And it's…there now?"
"Yes," she said.
"You can feel it, but…you can't relieve it in what we'll call a traditional manner?"
"Not really," she said.
"But it's moving around, as gas does. And then it stops?"
She sat up on her elbow. Her face could hardly get redder if she'd wanted it to.
"Seth—I don't know why…gas…is so interesting to you all of a sudden, unless you just want to embarrass me, but…I'd rather we stop talking about it."
Seth laughed. Jessica gave him a very clear warning look.
"Woman, this is the best damn news I've heard in a while." He put his stethoscope to the side. There was no need to fuss with it. He could bring a doppler home for their entertainment, and it would be far less stressful to him than trying to find what he wanted, at this point in Jessica's pregnancy, with the less reliable stethoscope. "Your gas is not only interesting, but it's wonderful."
"Seth!" She said, scolding him with her expression and tone enough that there was no need for more words.
"That's the baby, Jessica," Seth said. "That's the baby kicking…moving…whatever you want to call it."
She looked at him with confusion.
"It can't be," she said.
"It is," he insisted.
"It doesn't feel at all like a kick…" she stammered.
"For goodness sakes, Woman…did you think she was going to kick like a professional soccer player? At best—at her size? I've heard women say it feels like…like butterflies, or like popcorn. Bubbles. I've heard it feels like gnawing hunger, to some, just…in a different place. Or…" He smiled at her. "Like trapped wind, Jess."
Jessica moved to sit up, and Seth moved to give her the freedom to do so.
"That's her," Jessica said.
"That's her," Seth confirmed, nodding.
Jessica's hand went to cover her mouth, and Seth saw the tears forming in her eyes. He pushed himself up, joining her on the couch. He pulled her into him, and she came willingly, letting him wrap his arms around her and hold her close. He held her a moment and then kissed the side of her face.
"Now, you can tell everyone—she's kicking," Seth offered.
"She's kicking," Jessica mused.
"She is," Seth said. "She's growing…just like we want her to."
Seth knew that she was experiencing something akin to shock, and she just needed a minute to settle into things. She had been expecting this. She'd been wanting this. She had even feared that she might never experience it. Now, she knew that it was real, and it was happening, and she just needed a moment to process the feelings that came with that.
Seth was happy to hold her while she settled into her happiness, and he slipped his hand down to rest on her belly. He couldn't quite feel the baby move, yet, but he could still relish knowing that she was there and, soon, she'd be big enough for him to feel her little movements.
"Feel better?" He asked, when Jessica finally straightened up, pulling away from him, and reached for the tissue that they'd strategically placed nearly everywhere in their home.
"Seth—I feel—so incredibly…happy," Jessica said.
He rubbed her back, mostly for an excuse to simply keep touching her. She didn't object. She dabbed at her eyes, wiping away the excess stray tears that had made their great escape from her eyes.
"Do you still feel embarrassed?" Seth asked with a laugh.
"Of course," she breathed out. "You're my husband. I want to maintain some…mystery for you."
Seth laughed.
"Wait'll I tell you everything I'm liable to see when she comes into this world."
Jessica looked at him and, he thought, paled a little. He leaned and kissed her, surprising her enough to, at least, take the look of what appeared to be impending horror off her face.
"What do you say we play a game of chess? And I can fill you in on some of the exciting things that you and I can experience together, when our little one is born. It should make you feel a lot more comfortable talking to me about gas, Woman."