CW: Self-harm, dissociative episode, death.
Chapter 9, part 1.
Alice was staring at a whiteboard with unseeing eyes when the ring of the phone jerked her out of the trance. She picked it up automatically and almost didn't understand what Sergeant Harriman was saying on the other end; the only thing that floated right into her consciousness was see General Carter. She replaced the receiver, got up and shook her head vehemently, trying to get back to the present. She realized she just spent nearly an hour woolgathering idly, and she swore quietly. It was that damn fatigue, she decided; she was having trouble sleeping again and thought longingly about the one night of rest she'd gotten with the help of industrial strength pills mixed with alcohol. It wasn't a good combination, she knew, but she could hardly continue to function like this.
She stopped in front of Carter's office door, not quite remembering how she got there, and knocked.
"Come in," came from the inside and Alice entered.
The general was sitting behind her desk, but, uncharacteristically, she wasn't scribbling anything in a file, or typing on her laptop, or really doing anything; her hands were lying on the desk, fingers interlaced, and she looked serious and somber.
Alice got a chill on her back. Whatever it was, it couldn't be good.
"Sit down, Major."
Alice did, feeling her heart go into overdrive as cold panic began seeping into her mind. Something was deeply wrong, she could feel it. I can't take it, she thought anxiously. I can't deal with another loss. And then: Please let it not be Jake.
In the future she visited, he'd already been gone for many, many years—killed by Wraith in the Pegasus, some years after the other Alice left Atlantis. But she—the present Alice—had already changed the timeline so much, there was no saying what exactly was affected. If, as a consequence of her meddling, it turned out she'd lost her brother in addition to Karim… the very thought made her nauseous.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news," Carter began, and Alice stopped breathing altogether. "In Pegasus, one of our allies had come under attack from Wraith worshippers. Three Atlantis Reconnaissance Teams were on the planet at the time, Colonel Sheppard's, Major Teldy's and Lieutenant Moors's. There was a fight that resulted in some casualties on our side."
Alice felt as if her heart stopped, too. It didn't even feel real; it was like she was observing herself from outside of her body, detached and dispassionate.
"Unfortunately, we lost Lieutenant Moors and Doctor Porter," Carter continued seriously and paused for a moment, before adding: "I'm afraid your brother has been seriously injured, too, along with Corporal Ruiz and Major Teldy."
Suddenly, Alice was back in her own body and gasping for air. She realized she was holding onto the armrests on her chair so hard that the knuckles of her hands turned completely white. She relaxed her grip and looked down at her lap, her heart picking back up again in a painfully forceful beat. She felt hot and cold at the same time and there was something stuck in her throat.
Jake was alive. He was hurt, but alive. Others were dead—her friend, Alison, and Moors whom she'd known very well, too—but Jake wasn't. There'd be time for grief, she knew, but for now, she could only focus on that one information: Jake was alive.
Carter didn't say anything, but let her process the news quietly. Her gaze was kind and encouraging.
"Wh–what's his condition?" Alice finally managed to stammer out.
Carter knew whom she was asking about immediately. "Serious but stable. Doctor Keller does not believe his life is in any immediate danger, but he needs more surgery to repair the damage to his internal organs, and it could be risky."
"When?"
"In a few hours."
Alice took a deep, steadying breath, trying to regain some semblance of control over herself.
"I want to be there."
Carter nodded solemnly. "I figured as much. You have my permission to go through. Just—" She paused as Alice jumped to her feet "—I don't know, go splash some water on your face first, or something. You look like a ghost, Alice."
She felt like one. "Yes, ma'am."
And then she was gone.
She did stop in a bathroom adjacent to the locker room for a moment, leaning over the sink, not looking into the mirror—just a glimpse she'd gotten confirmed that she was, indeed, white as a ghost—and concentrated on her breathing. Jake is alive. He's hurt, but he's stable. His life is not in danger. Keller is the best doctor there is. The surgery will go well. He'll be alright. She kept repeating it like a mantra, but it felt less believable each time, and she felt the cold finger of panic once more. She couldn't let herself spiral down the rabbit hole again, she couldn't disassociate now; she needed to hold onto her sanity somehow.
She pushed herself off the sink, went to the locker room and opened her own locker. She found her toiletry bag and brought it back to the bathroom. She fished out a disposable razor, pulled up a sleeve on her arm and dragged the sharp edge over her skin. It barely broke it, but the prick of pain and a thin red line that appeared in its track felt strangely satisfying. She did it again, putting more force into the move, drawing a drop of blood. It felt good—it felt real. She could focus on this to keep her mind from running away from her body. Another angry red line on her skin—and then a loud thud from outside the bathroom jerked her out of the focus. She heard voices on the other side of the door, and she quickly chucked the razor back into the toiletry bag and put her arm under a current of water to wash away the blood. She was just pulling her sleeve back down when two women came in.
"Ma'am," they greeted her respectfully and she nodded to them and retreated back to the locker room.
Feeling strangely sheepish—but no longer in danger of another dissociative episode—she put the bag back into her locker and headed out towards the Gateroom.
As he lay on the hospital bed, Jake looked very young and vulnerable, his face pale as a sheet, lips blue, eyes closed, tubes and wires connected to his arms and chest. He had lost a lot of blood before they had managed to get him back to Atlantis, and needed a transfusion to get stable before he went back onto the operating table. The city possessed a large supply of blood for this exact purpose, but Alice nevertheless reminded Keller before she'd wheeled Jake away that the siblings shared the blood type—O negative—and Alice was more than happy to provide if anything went wrong. Keller reassured her that it wouldn't be necessary; still, Alice felt a little bit better with the knowledge that there was at least a potential that she could help if need be. The wait was excruciating; Keller had informed her about the very real risks that the surgery entailed, but the doctor had seemed rather optimistic about Jake's chances. He was still young, she'd said, and in excellent health. Still, as Alice paced the corridor outside the OR, she oscillated between long bouts of terror and short moments of relative calmness, when her confidence in the Atlantis medical team's abilities broke through the walls of fear and worry for a little while.
She wasn't quite aware of the passage of time—it seemed to fluctuate and stretch oddly. She'd check her watch after what seemed like hours to realize it's only been thirty minutes; or, conversely, what felt like fifteen minutes turned out to be two hours. People came and went as she waited: Sheppard and Teyla, Cooper and Perrault, Jake's only unharmed teammate, Sergeant Macnamara, and a few others. All offered her words of comfort, but none stayed long, and Alice understood it was due to her own unresponsiveness; she could barely concentrate on whatever they were saying.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the door to the Operating Room opened and Keller stepped out, still in scrubs, taking off a face mask and smiling widely. That smile, more than the words that followed, told Alice everything she needed to know. She suddenly felt weak, as if all her bones turned to jelly and couldn't support her anymore; only now she realized how hard-strung she'd been up to this point.
"The surgery went well," Keller confirmed happily. "We've managed to repair all of the internal damage. He should make a full recovery."
"Thank you—thank you!" Alice choked out. She was suddenly overcome with the urge to hug the doctor, and, throwing her usual cautious social distance to the wind, she acted upon it immediately.
Jennifer hugged her back warmly, completely unperturbed by that display of affection and relief. She waited until Alice stepped back to add: "It will take a long time for Jake to get back on his feet. We'll keep him here for another week or so and monitor his condition, and if everything goes well, I'll send him Earth-side for a convalescent leave."
Alice nodded. "Can I see him now?"
"We're setting him up back in intensive care. You'll be able to see him in an hour or so."
She thanked her once again and then Keller left. With some time to spare, now that she knew her brother would be okay, Alice went to the bathroom and then took a transporter to the roof of the North Inner Tower. Fresh air could only help her now. With most of the tension suddenly gone, she realized how exhausted she was; she had barely slept the last few nights, worked long hours, and now the stress of it all left her feeling completely spent. In fact, as soon as she reached the rooftop, she had to sit down at the edge for fear of falling down.
The view was spectacular, just as she remembered. It was twilight, the sunken sun still throwing orange and violet streaks across the western edge of the horizon, while the sky on the east was already dark. The ocean was restless, wrinkled with waves that lapped over the edges of the city piers.
It calmed her like nothing else could. This was something she knew very well. She'd spent many, many hours alone looking at that view, or sipping beer with friends, or with Karim, when she was still part of the expedition, before her entire world got upended. Normally such a train of thought would upset her, but, strangely, for the moment she couldn't feel sad or guilty or angry; she just looked on, remembering the good times without the usual twinge of regret.
When she finally went back to the infirmary to see Jake, she still felt tired beyond measure, but more at peace than she'd been for a very long time.
Jake looked a bit better than before the surgery. It surprised her, though she wasn't sure why. He was still pale, but not completely white anymore, and his lips weren't blue either. Alice made sure there was a cup of water with a straw on the stand next to the bed and then sat down in a chair nearby and waited. She wasn't sure when she drifted off to sleep, but she woke up with a start some time later, for a second unsure where she was, before remembering.
"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you, ma'am," someone said from nearby and Alice realized a nurse was standing next to the bed, manipulating one of the monitors. Alice recognized Kitty Watts, who'd taken care of her on multiple occasions throughout Alice's three years on Atlantis.
"It's okay," Alice assured her automatically, straightening up on the chair and checking her watch. She'd only been asleep for half an hour. "How is he?"
"Doing well," Nurse Watts replied with satisfaction. "He should be waking up soon." And as she said it, as if on cue, Jake let out a little moan and his eyes fluttered open. "Hello, Sergeant!"
His eyes closed again, he shifted uncomfortably and another quiet moan escaped his lips.
Alice jumped up to her feet, moved closer and put her hand on his. He opened his eyes again and she saw him try to focus on her.
"Allie…" he croaked.
"Hey," she breathed. "You have no idea how good it is to see you. You scared the hell out of me."
"Mhm…" he acknowledged groggily. "Wha' 'apen'?"
Alice ignored the question for the moment and looked back at Kitty Watts. "Can we get him up a little?"
The nurse nodded and used a pilot to move the upper part of the bed up, forcing Jake into a half-sitting position.
Alice reached out for the water. "Here, drink this, you must be parched."
He didn't reply, but took the cup into both hands and took a sip. The expression of instant relief confirmed Alice's supposition. She remembered how thirsty she always was after waking up from anesthesia.
"There was an ambush," Alice said, watching him drink. "Your team, along with AR-1 and AR-5, went to help out our allies on M4L-279, but you walked into a trap set by a bunch of Wraith worshippers. Some of them had guns like Ronon's, you took a hit into your abdomen. You had to have some pretty serious surgery but Doctor Keller is positive that you should make a full recovery."
"Oh, good," he said, a little more intelligible now. "How come you're here?"
Alice chuckled quietly. "I came through the Stargate, what'd you think?"
"No, I mean… they never let me come when you were hurt when I was there…"
The sentence was a little convoluted but Alice understood. "Well, we're under a new management," she quipped, and then added more seriously: "Your wound was much worse than anything I'd gotten while on Atlantis. It'll definitely add a device to your Purple Heart."
"Mhm…" He smiled weakly.
"I think it's enough chatting," Kitty Watts interrupted. "You should go back to sleep. You'll need lots of rest."
"No, I have to know…" Jake protested, but it was obvious that he was tired of talking. "The others… did everyone make it back?"
Alice sighed profoundly. "I'm sorry. No. We lost Doctor Porter and Lieutenant Moors."
Jake's eyes closed shut and he took a rough, unsteady breath. Alice didn't say anything else for a moment, allowing him to process the news. She felt a pang of guilt—she should be grieving them, too, but she was still too relieved to feel much of anything else.
"Major Teldy caught a knife in the chest," she continued after a little while. "It miraculously missed anything vital and she'll be completely fine. Corporal Ruiz took a hit out of the same energy weapon that wounded you, got his leg. Unfortunately, they had to amputate it to save him."
"Fuck," Jake breathed, without opening his eyes.
"But our allies are safe," Alice added, trying to inject a little bit of positivity into the news. "They got all of the Wraith worshippers, and they only lost a couple civilians. So there's a whole village out there, alive and well, thanks to you and the others."
"But at what price?" He murmured in response.
"I know." She sighed.
"Sergeant, you should really go to sleep now," the nurse put in, a little more gently than usual.
"She's right. Rest, now, Jake." Alice grabbed his hand again and squeezed it. He opened his eyes, looked at her, smiled sadly, reciprocated the hand squeeze, and then took a deep breath and followed their command.
She stayed, curled up on the chair, by his side all night, drifting in and out of sleep. Her mind finally caught up to everything that happened and she began feeling the inevitable sorrow of loss. She'd known Moors pretty well, he was a great guy and she liked him, and moreover, appreciated his leadership—she'd always felt that Jake was safe in Moors's hands, or as much as possible in this job. But Alison Porter had been her friend, a real one; she'd been one of the first people to offer friendship to Alice when she was new on Atlantis; they shared a love of science and had similar backgrounds—they were both graduates of CalTech, for one; they had become really close during those three years Alice spent on Atlantis, and Alison even came to Alice's promotion ceremony just two months prior. Losing her was like a gut punch—though initially blunted by worry and then relief over her brother, it was now coming in waves of emotional pain.
At dawn, she decided to freshen up a little—she didn't take anything with her and so had to remain in the same wrinkled uniform she'd come to Atlantis in, but even just splashing some water on her face and neck and combing through her hair with her fingers made her feel a little bit better. When she came back to the room, she found Jake awake and talking to Nurse Watts.
"I don't need it," he was protesting as Alice entered.
"It's doctor's orders," Kitty Watts replied, exchanging the IV bag connected via tube to his arm. "Pain is detrimental to the process of healing."
"Listen to the nurse, Jake, she knows better," Alice admonished, sitting at the edge of his bed as Kitty Watts left the room.
"You're still here?" He smiled. "Don't they need you back at the SGC?"
"General Carter didn't give me a deadline." She shrugged, but then added: "I will have to go back soon, but I wanted to see how you were gonna feel when you're more alert."
"I'm not because of this stuff," he pointed his thumb at the IV drip.
Alice only rolled her eyes at this dictum. "How do you feel, though?"
He shrugged and immediately grimaced in pain. "Fine," he lied lamely.
She shook her head at his obstinacy. "Doctor Keller said she'd like to keep you here for a week, and then you can go home."
"Home," he murmured doubtfully.
"Yeah," Alice agreed with his sentiment. He'd given up his apartment in Colorado Springs when he got reassigned to Atlantis, and much like Alice had before, he considered the City of the Ancients to be his home. "You know mom will be over the moon to have you there. She'll help you get on your feet…" She paused, a little embarrassed. "I'd offer you to stay in my guest room, but realistically—"
"You're never there," he interrupted knowingly. "And you think I shouldn't be alone."
"At least not at the beginning." Alice nodded gravely. "First few weeks…" She shrugged. "You know I spent my six weeks of the recent convalescent leave at mom's. It's good for her, too. She gets lonely."
He sighed deeply and then grimaced slightly again. "She won't be pleased to know one of us got injured again. I hate doing that to her. You know how fragile she still is."
"She's tougher than she looks," Alice protested, belying her earlier words to Uncle Simon. "And you'll have to tell her anyway, so it's better if she's got you close and can keep her eye on you."
"I'll die of boredom," he complained.
Alice snickered. "You'll survive. You must have lots of TV shows and movies to catch up on."
"I guess."
"You'll be alright." Alice reached out and squeezed his hand again. "That's the most important thing. You'll make a full recovery and you'll be back on duty in no time."
"Why did we choose this job again?" He quipped, squeezing back.
"Because we're stupid," Alice replied lightly and they both chuckled—which, for Jake, ended up with yet another grimace of pain.
"You look like crap, d'you know?" He commented offhandedly. "When was the last time you slept?"
"I've had a little bit on my mind," she replied defensively.
"You should go back home and get some rest."
She rolled her eyes. "Yes, mom."
"I mean it," he insisted. "You're all pale and gaunt and the bags under your eyes have bags. You need to take better care of yourself. What time is it Earth-side now?"
"I have no idea." The planets were out of sync and it was difficult to keep track of time zones across three million light-years.
"Either way, you should go through and head straight to bed."
"I will," she promised just to placate him. "In the meantime, is there something you want here? I'll go grab your personal tablet from your room, but maybe there's something else?" It would have some books, movies and games on it to occupy the time.
"Not really, just—can you grab me some headphones, too?"
"Sure," she agreed.
Alice stayed with Jake for a few more hours, long enough to see him eat a light meal and talk with Keller again, just to make sure everything was still alright. After that, she really didn't have any more excuses to prolong her visit to Atlantis and requested to be allowed to go back to Earth.
Sheppard, who was still the acting commander of the whole expedition, came out of the CO's office to chat before she went through.
"You know, your brother's and Teldy's teams covered our six when we were retreating to call for reinforcements," he mentioned after a few minutes. "None of us would've made it back if not for them."
Alice nodded, but didn't offer a comment.
"Pretty heroic stuff," he continued nonchalantly. "My team often gets the credit, but more often than not we'd be dead in the water had we been alone."
"Are you trying to tout the importance of teamwork?" One corner of Alice's mouth lifted in a half-smirk.
"That, too." He grinned at her. "Mostly I'm trying to say I'll be recommending the lot of 'em for a decoration."
"That's nice." Alice's half-smirk turned into a pleasant smile. Jake already had a full rack of ribbons both from before and after he'd joined the Program, but she supposed another one couldn't hurt.
In truth, military members of SG teams (or Atlantis Reconnaissance teams) should be qualifying for a new award almost every time they stepped through the Gate, but of course it was neither practical, nor advisable to give those away left and right; firstly, because it wouldn't necessarily increase the morale if anyone in the Program could earn a medal that easily (relatively speaking), and secondly because awards and decorations were public, and it would look very odd if suddenly a large group of airmen and marines started receiving them in bulk. So, as it stood, the brass examined carefully every nomination and only approved those of saving-the-world proportions, or cases where meritorious deeds piled up across several months or years without getting recognized. Nevertheless, Sheppard's word counted a lot to the people up the chain of command, and so it was possible that his recommendation would go through without contest.
Alice didn't continue that vein of the conversation and instead chatted with Sheppard about recent developments in the Pegaus for a little while longer, and then they said goodbye.
Carter came down to the Gateroom to talk to her as soon as she stepped through.
"How is your brother?" She asked kindly.
"Better, thank you, ma'am," Alice replied, trying to sound earnest, but mostly coming off as tired. "The surgery went well and he should make a full recovery. Doctor Keller wants to monitor him for another week or so and then she says he's good to spend his convalescent leave Earth-side."
"That's great." Carter smiled, looking genuinely pleased with the news. "And how about you? You wanna go home, get some rest?"
"No, I'm fine," Alice lied automatically, without any conscious decision to do so.
The general looked doubtful, but she accepted the lie. "In that case, wanna take a crack at our mercenary friend?"
"He's back to being himself already?" Before she left, he'd still been only halfway through his recovery; he'd been beginning to talk, but hadn't yet said anything of import at the time.
"Yes." Carter waved to follow her and started walking out of the Gateroom and along the corridor in the direction of the elevator. "He's not particularly forthcoming, but we managed to get a few things out of him nevertheless. We know that his name is Castor, he is part of the Lucian Alliance, and he gave us the description of the planet where Jareth had held him. I've sent SG-4 to check it out," she added quickly, seeing Alice's raised eyebrows. "They didn't find him, but he definitely was there at one point." They entered the elevator and watched the door slide closed. "It used to be a Naquadah mine before the Goa'uld were destroyed. The local population stood up against the Ori and got completely wiped out, though it remains a mystery why no-one else came to claim the mine—there must have still been some Naquadah in the ground, because Four found clear marks of excavation, and recent ones. We think it was Jareth's minions."
Alice nodded thoughtfully. "Makes sense, Naquadah is a valuable resource, a component of many a technology, and it stands to reason Jareth would like to get his hands on it, for whatever dark purpose of his."
The elevator stopped and they stepped out and pressed on.
"That was my thinking, too. The problem is—Castor's done talking to us. You may as well have a go at him."
"Oh, I'll get him talking," Alice promised with ruthlessness that surprised even her.
"What are you planning to tell him?"
"The truth." They stopped just outside of the isolation room the mercenary was being held in. "At least insofar as how dangerous Jareth is. Did Fourteen find out anything else about him when they were picking him up? Anything I can use as leverage?"
"Just that he has a family," Carter replied. "The guy that brought Fourteen to him in the first place was his brother-in-law."
"Interesting." Alice cocked her head to the side, frowning. "Somehow I've never imagined mercenaries having families, and surely not those in the Lucian Alliance."
"Well, we tried to use it already, but to no avail. Hope you have better luck."
Alice nodded at the SF guarding the door. He opened it for her and she entered.
The man was lying on a hospital bed, to which he was loosely bound by his wrists, allowing him to raise his arms to the level of his eyes, but not more. He still looked pretty incongruous in this setting: a hardened criminal with multiple scars and missing one finger on his left hand—dressed in the standard hospital gown, its short sleeves exposing his muscled arms. Alice noted a large tattoo on his bicep: a sword with a flower stem wrapped around the blade, with two roses coming out from the single stalk at the hilt. The flowers, she noticed, were not of the same size: one was smaller than the other, and she wondered if that was simply artistic license, or if there was some symbolism to it.
Castor looked up at Alice when she came in and immediately sneered. "Seriously, do you people not understand it? I ain't telling you anything else!"
Alice ignored that, grabbed a chair that stood by the wall and dragged it closer to his bed. She dropped onto it and leaned back, crossing her arms on her chest.
"Hi. Do you know who I am?"
"I don't care!" He barked back at her.
"My name is Major Alice Boyd," she said, her voice almost pleasant. "And you're going to help me infiltrate the Lucian Alliance."
She heard Carter shuffle behind her, but the general didn't say anything and Alice didn't look back. She maintained eye contact with Castor, her gaze level and cold.
"Hah!" He huffed. "Over my dead body."
Alice nodded calmly. "If that's your choice."
"You're all bark and no bite," he spat disgustedly. "You can threaten me all you want—I know you Tau'ri don't kill your prisoners."
"That's true," Alice agreed serenely. "But we're not above putting you in a small, dark cell for the rest of your life." She paused and leaned forward on the chair. "Is that really what you want? To never see your wife and daughter ever again?"
This shook him a little, she saw. He covered it quickly, but just for a moment it was plain on his face—the fear.
"You leave them out of this," he warned menacingly, and Alice heard Carter let out a breath behind her.
"See, now. You do have a choice." Alice uncrossed her arms, leaned back again and put one leg on the other. "You can choose to be obstinate, live out your days in a six-by-eight feet cell, and let your family fend for themselves. You know I lost my father when I was fourteen?" She smiled, but it was neither pleasant not cheerful. "It hurts at first, but then you get used to it, as I'm sure your daughter will. She'll grow up never knowing what had happened to you, believing that you abandoned her. But I'm sure your wife will do all she can to get them both through these difficult times. Being a single mother is not easy even here, but out there, when all your former associates think you've turned against them? Tut, tut." She smacked her lips offensively. "That's a hard path to leave her on, alone, with a child to take care of."
Castor's face was frozen in an expression of utter fury all through Alice's monologue, and he finally blew up, launching himself up, yanking at the bonds that tied him to the bedrails—but they held fast, and he had to drop back onto the covers, seething with rage.
"Shut your mouth, you bitch!" He howled.
Alice didn't even flinch at his explosion. "Or," she continued coolly. "You can help us out. All you need to do is introduce me into the fold, ensure I become part of the Lucian Alliance, and then you can go back to your family—be a husband to your wife and a father to your daughter; watch her grow and keep them both safe. It's that easy."
Alice paused to let him process this, and watched his face go from beet-red fury to white as a sheet and pained as he considered the alternative. Still, there was steel in his eyes when he finally spoke, his voice full of barely contained rage: "I won't betray the Lucian Alliance."
"I don't give a flying fuck about the Lucian Alliance," Alice countered coldly, and the assertion made him jerk back in surprise. "All I care about is getting Jareth."
"Who the fuck is Jareth?"
"The Wraith who brainwashed you." Alice got up onto her feet and started pacing the room, crossing it slowly from one side to the other as she spoke. "Don't get me wrong, the Alliance is a huge pain in the ass, but they're in no way a danger to us, really. We have superior weapons and technology, and I'm not worried about them. Now, Jareth—that's another story." She stopped at the foot of his bed and grabbed the railing, propping herself up. "He is dangerous. You know best yourself what he can do to a person's mind—and that's not even all. He's very slippery and very smart, and more ruthless than you can even imagine. If left unchecked, he will destroy this galaxy, one world at a time," she added with finality.
Castor didn't reply at first, staring at her with his brow furrowed, making his wrinkled face look almost like a decrepit mask. There was still fire in his eyes, but it was clear her words were getting to him.
"Why should I believe anything you say?" He hissed, finally, though his voice lacked its former zeal.
"Because you have to." Alice shrugged, letting go of the bedrail and stepping back a pace. "I told you what your choices are."
"What do you even need the Lucian Alliance for if all you're after is this Jareth guy?" He asked shrewdly.
"It's clear to me that he's after the Lucian Alliance." She crossed her hands on her chest again, and cocked her head to the side. "You can't pretend not to have noticed that most of his victims have been mercenaries and smugglers. They know the most about this galaxy and its inhabitants, and have the most power, and that is even more true about the Alliance. He's already gotten to know everything there was to know from you and the others he'd bent, and he's going to go after bigger fish now. Sooner or later he's going to figure out how to control people over distance, if he hasn't yet, and if, or when, he does, nobody will be safe in the whole Milky Way. Can you imagine what havoc he can wreak all over the galaxy if the entire Alliance falls victim to his brainwashing?" She paused for a moment to fight a shiver that was threatening to become a visible shudder as her mind strayed over to memories of the future Earth, empty and desolate, and the other Alice's story on how they got there. "We have to get rid of him before it's too late, before he manages to consolidate his forces and become too much for us to handle," she continued, powering through the moment of weakness.
"He's not alone, you know," Castor put in, almost offhandedly, his forehead all screwed in a deep frown again. "He's got others—they don't look exactly like him, but it's the same creatures, the likes of which I've never seen in my fifty-two years…"
Alice nodded. "They're called the Wraith. We've been battling them in the Pegasus Galaxy for the past eight years, we know them very well. They're dangerous, too—they're like locusts, one is usually not a problem, but if they band together, they will swarm you and overwhelm you by sheer numbers. Here, in the Milky Way, they're only a problem if Jareth figures out how to build a cloning facility to produce more, or gets ahold of an intergalactic ship to bring them from the Pegasus. He's their leader, the brain of the whole operation. So he's the one we're after now, and we'll worry about the other Wraith later."
"And you think that by joining the Alliance you can get him?"
Alice sighed deeply and looked him straight in the eye. "That's the only play I have right now. But I need your help."
A moment of silence followed while he pondered her words, no longer angry, it seemed, but visibly torn.
"I don't trust you," he sputtered finally, as if trying to buy time.
"And rightly so." Alice nodded seriously. "Trust is earned. Though I have just cured you from Jareth's brainwash, that should count for something."
"You did?" His eyebrows arched upwards this time.
"Yeah, it's my treatment," she confirmed nonchalantly. "I mean, it was a team effort, but I figured it out. So, the fact that you can think and talk to me right now is thanks to me." She paused for just a moment, and then added: "And I can cure anyone who's been bent. If we find Jareth, we can save everyone who's fallen under his influence—or at least, everyone who'll still be alive at that point."
"You know a lot about the Tau'ri," Carter suddenly spoke up from behind Alice. "So you should know we always keep our promises."
Castor's eyes flickered to the general, his face mildly surprised, as if he forgot she was still there.
"So what's it gonna be, Castor?" Alice asked, using his name for the first time. His attention shifted back to her immediately. "Are you gonna spend the rest of your life in a small cell somewhere underground? Or will you help us get Jareth?"
He didn't reply right away, but his face got all screwed for a moment as he deliberated for a while longer. "What exactly would that entail?" He demanded finally.
Alice suppressed a satisfied smile. "First of all, you'll tell us everything you can remember about Jareth, when and where you first met him, where did he take you after he'd bent you, what'd you do for him, how'd you get away—every detail. Anything you say may turn out to be helpful."
He nodded carefully. "I can do that."
"And then—" Alice pressed on "—you're going to introduce me to the Lucian Alliance and ensure that they accept me as one of their own—"
But he was shaking his head. "It's not that easy," he interrupted. "It doesn't work like that, and even if it did, you look like a little doll and not someone who could be a mercenary…"
Alice rolled her eyes and let out a frustrated sigh. "Then you're gonna have to teach me how to act to blend in, because it has to be me."
Carter cleared her throat, but Alice pretended like she didn't hear it.
"Why?" Castor wanted to know.
"Because I'm the only person we know of that's immune to Jareth's brainwashing abilities," she explained, as much to him as to Carter. "If we send someone else and Jareth does manage to infiltrate the Alliance, we risk that our agent will just get under his influence with all the others. And that would be bad enough, but then Jareth would learn everything we know—all of our planning and preparation would be for nothing, and he could adjust his actions to better avoid us. We can't let that happen, so it has to be me."
"Jareth knows you," Carter protested, ungluing herself from the back wall she had spent the entire conversation leaning on, and approaching Castor's bed. "He'll recognize you and the ruse will be for nothing anyway."
Alice half-turned to the general. "I could only hope that he gets that close," she said tonelessly. Then she coughed, cleared her throat, and added in a more normal voice: "If he does get close enough to recognize me, then the mission's accomplished. I'll have found him. And this time I'm not gonna hesitate to shoot."
"You can't know what circumstances you'll have," Carter warned, a little crease of worry forming between her eyebrows.
"No," Alice admitted. "But isn't that true of any mission and any person? We never know what's gonna happen, but we go in anyway, because that's what we do. We take risks all the time."
"Calculated risks," the general reminded.
"This is it," Alice assured her. "I know what I'm doing, ma'am, I've gone up against Jareth three times already and I've… I'm still here." Her voice trembled a little at the end as she thought of Karim—she couldn't exactly say that she'd won these encounters. Her next words came out rushed. "And more than that, I don't see any other way to find him right now, and I know you think you know what can happen if we don't stop him because you've heard about it, but I'm the one who's lived it and I cannot let it happen again." She stopped and took a deep breath to calm herself. "You have to let me try."
Carter sighed deeply, closed her eyes for a moment and then nodded. "Fine, you can try. But I will not let you go alone. Your team will be there to back you up. That's non-negotiable," she added, seeing Alice open her mouth to object.
Alice swallowed her protest and nodded acquiescence. "Yes, ma'am." Then she turned back to Castor. "So, what's the verdict? Will you help me?"
"I told you, it's not that easy," he repeated, visibly frustrated. "We don't meet up at Sunday dinners to introduce new people, it doesn't work that way. You have to be invited to join."
"Then invite me." Alice shrugged.
"I can't." He rolled his eyes. "Only a Second can invite new people in. And they don't do that for just about anyone, it's a big distinction, most of the meat of the organization isn't actually part of the Alliance, they're freelancers working with the Alliance, and there's various stages of cooperation, too."
"But you're part of the Alliance proper?"
"Yeah, but—"
"So can't you just vouch for me to your Second?"
"Sure, if I wanted to get killed alongside you," he said with irony. "I'm telling you, it doesn't work like that. It takes months, years even to merely get noticed by people in the higher echelons of the Alliance, and to get invited in, you have to be something special."
"Why did they invite you?" Carter asked, forestalling Alice from doing the same.
"I've been in the business for thirty-five years," he replied proudly. "I've been smuggling goods and people across the galaxy at the peak of the Goa'uld might, and I've gotten very good at it. I've worked with the Alliance for a few years prior to being invited to officially join them."
"So you're a pilot?"
"And a damn good one." He smiled crookedly. Then he grew somber again. "I had my own Tel'tak, but I guess it's now in this Jareth's possession…"
"We could probably work with the Free Jaffa to get you a new one," Carter muttered musingly.
His eyebrows went up again. "You wanna give me a new ship?"
"If you're gonna be effective in helping Major Boyd, you gotta get right back in."
He exhaled, irked again. "I told you, it's not—"
"Not that easy, I get it," Alice interrupted him. "I don't have thirty-five years to make my mark, though. There has to be some other way to get the Alliance brass to notice me. Think."
He huffed, but he actually did look up and meditated for a moment. "Well. Like I said, you have to be something special to get invited. If you don't have much experience and connections, then you've gotta get a good rep at something. Like bounty hunting, for example."
"I'm not killing anyone for this," Alice countered immediately.
"You might have to, anyway, at some point, if you wanna be a part of the Alliance," he warned gravely. "I'm not that fond of that part of the deal, either—we're not all bloodthirsty murderers, mind you—but even I had to pull the trigger a couple times to prove my loyalty."
Alice swallowed hard, and then shook her head. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," she said dismissively. "For now, just tell me what else is there that could attract the right kind of attention."
"Well, I don't know. What can you do?"
"What do you mean?"
"Like, can you fight?" He asked doubtfully, eyeing her from head to toe.
Alice rolled her eyes. "I can hold my own in a hand-to-hand, but I wouldn't call it one of my strengths. I'm much better with guns."
"Like a sharpshooter?"
"Yes. But, again—I don't wanna kill anyone unless they're trying to kill me," Alice reiterated.
Castor waved his hand, and the chain that connected the leather binds on his wrist to the bedrails clinked cheerily. "Fine, fine. What else? Can you fly a ship?"
"I probably could. I was a pilot once upon a time, but I've flown fighters, not spaceships."
"Like a Death Glider?"
"Yeah. I've flown this particular fighter only once, but I think I did alright."
"Okay, good. That's a possibility, then." Castor shrugged. "Death Glider pilots don't typically ascend very high on the ladder, but they do usually remain close to the higher ranks that command their own Ha'taks or parts of the fleet. Is there anything else?"
"Well, I am an engineer and a scientist," Alice replied.
"A scientist, you say?" He perked up. "Do you know a lot about the Goa'uld technology?"
"Not as much as I'd like," she had to admit. "But it's largely based on the Ancient technology, and that I know very well—or, at least, as much as almost anyone." She nodded towards Carter.
"Ancient?" Castor's voice rose a little higher in surprise. "Very interesting. Would you say that you're an, uhm, expert?"
"Yes, she is," Carter replied for her. "The best one currently in this galaxy."
Alice felt a little blush steal onto her cheeks and waved her hand dismissively. "Milky Way Ancients predate the Pegasus ones, whose technology I know best, so it's not exactly the same thing."
"Still, this sounds promising. Tell me, would you be able to make an Ancient artifact work, for example?"
Alice shrugged. "Depends on the artifact, and the level of science and technology required. With enough time and a little luck—probably, but I can never make any guarantees."
"If you can position yourself as an expert on Ancient artifacts and technology, then there is a big chance that the Alliance will notice you. That's the easy part. From there, you'll have to build yourself up to become not just their preferred guy, but indispensable. You know, forge connections with the right people, make the right deals, use just the right amount of intimidation and charm, push and pull. And you'll have to prove your loyalty, time and time again, in many different ways. Are you sure you're up for this?"
Alice took a deep breath, looked at Carter—who was observing her very carefully—and then shifted her gaze back to Castor. "Yeah, I am." She waited for a moment, and then added: "I'll do anything to get to Jareth. So you'll help me?"
He sighed and shook his head, but then said: "I can't believe I'm doing this. It'll probably gonna end bad for both of us—but yeah, I'll help you. I'll tell you what you'll need to know."
"And you'll teach me how to act and what so say to pull it off?" Alice clarified.
"Yes, I will," he replied reluctantly.
"Great. When do we start?"
"Not today," Carter jumped in. "I'll need to discuss this with O'Neill and the IOA before we go on."
"Yes, ma'am, but we could get a head-start—"
"Major," Carter interrupted her, censure in her voice. "Not today. It's Sunday, and if I know you at all, I'd say you probably haven't slept much last night, have you now?" And without waiting for Alice's reply—possibly seeing the answer in her tired face anyway—she continued: "You're gonna go home now and get some rest. You'll spend tomorrow morning getting every detail of Castor's time with Jareth. Maybe we'll get lucky and actually find a clue there that'll let us avoid all this elaborate thing. Report back to me when you're done."
"Yes, ma'am," Alice said, because there was nothing else for her to do. As much as she knew Carter was open to hear her subordinates' opinions, when she gave a direct order, that was the end of discussion.
The general turned to Castor. "Thank you for your cooperation. As a token of good faith, we'll move you to guest quarters. You'll still be guarded 24/7, so don't get any silly ideas about escaping," she warned. "But at least you'll be more comfortable."
"Gee, thanks," he huffed sarcastically, but he actually looked a little bit pleased with the news.
Carter nodded and then pivoted around on her heel, approached the door, knocked on it and waited for the SF outside to open it.
The general stopped right outside and Alice almost bumped into her, leaving the room.
"That was very well played, Major," Carter praised, looking down at Alice with a small smile, but there was something else in her eyes that was difficult to discern. "How did you know he had a daughter?"
"I didn't," Alice acknowledged, shrugging. "But I saw his tattoo and I figured it could mean something, and if the bigger rose was a wife, the smaller one must have been a daughter. It was an educated guess."
Carter nodded slowly. "The way you used it against him, though… pretty harsh."
Alice shrugged again. "If I need to be mean for a moment to get what we need…"
"Mean is one word for it. Cruel might be another," Carter said somberly, her eyes intense.
Alice looked away. "Well, it worked, didn't it?"
She heard the general sigh deeply. "Are you sure you're up for this, Alice?"
The younger woman squared her shoulders and bravely faced her CO. "Yes, ma'am."
Carter shook her head infinitesimally. "Alright, then. Go home now. You're dismissed."
"Ma'am." Alice nodded respectfully, turned around and fled before she could see any more doubt or concern in her mentor's face.