..::.. Chapter 19 - Family Wing ..::..

Young, high school continued …

I feel faint. I think I will faint.

The priest says, "Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust … " And I know I'll be those when I get home.

Edward curls his arm tighter around my waist. His fingers are woven through my fingers where they meet at my middle. I get a free hand to press it to my mouth in complete and utter mortification.

I scan over the color of mourning, everyone making a semicircle, surrounding the casket; shiny, piano black reflecting the son of the man inside. His son's pale face is a blurred dot on the lacquer, abstract blobs of black encompassing.

I haven't looked up from where I stand, where I ended up, to even remotely find Mom's eyes among the mournful. I can feel the heat of her stare, her despair, her silent fury. But I can't help it, I scan the crowd who have come to the burial site to watch this intricate box go down a hole, and I find her eyes.

Yup. I will die today.

Save the trip.

Bury me while we're still here. I'll jump into the hole and let them shovel in the dirt right over me.

She will kill me. Dad is a tinge of pink. He has already disowned me.

We arrived. We were the last ones to park. Dad drove. Me in the back. Mom was silent in the passenger's seat but softly caressed Dad's hand where he rested it between them.

We got in line, the one where everyone pays their respects to the immediate family one at a time. I got to Alice first. She hugged me so tightly, so I let it linger. People stepped around me. I smoothed back the hair around her pale face and told her I loved her. Her mother was already a corpse. I only got to step in for a quick hug she didn't react to.

The priest walked up and took his place as everyone had assumed theirs. I didn't notice I was the last one. I grew disoriented for a moment, trying to find Mom and Dad, and mortified for being in the damned middle of the circle.

But that familiar hand that makes me tremble caught mine. Instantly, I knew it was him. I looked to see Edward in a black coat a few heads away from his mother. The large collar pulled up and folded every which way around his jaw. My heels toe to toe with his dress shoes. His slacks looking like the newest pair he's ever worn. Combed back hair, clean shaven, lips looking purple-red like they always do in the cold.

He pulled me over. My heart sped up, but I couldn't keep my eyes away. He looked so very much like his father. It made me nervous.

He took me in his arms. His face tucked into my neck. And just when I thought the gesture still seemed innocent enough for watchful eyes who birthed me, he pulled away and kissed me. Right on the lips. One long, soft kiss.

The cold could not stand against that. Like beads down a candle dripping over, I melted. I looked into his saddened eyes, framed his face and went in for a second.

His brows furrowed over the top of his eyes, which he kept closed long after I let go. He sighed, like a little bit of calm took over.

That's how I ended up standing here.

As soon as I shook off my stupor, my heart sank to the soles of my feet.

Mom. Dad. Everyone. They were all watching.

Now their focus is elsewhere, but not Mom's, and definitely not Alice's. I glance her way, and she has her arm wrapped around her mother's, but she's watching me.

Her mother sobs loudly. Alice, never taking her eyes away from me, stands there and keeps her on her feet. I look away. Just in time to feel Edward's head dip closer.

My eyes prickle, his probably are too, but for obvious reasons. He never goes to his mother. Never stands by her or Alice to help them. Not when he's flanked by his uncles, all heights of other men surrounding him. I'm his only connection to tenderness, emotion, and normalcy.

The priest signs a cross over his chest, and everyone follows suit. Edward kisses his thumb around his fist in unison. I blink at that.

It's suddenly all over. Alone, he steps toward the casket and tosses down a rose over his father, never breaking away from my hand. I'm taken out of the circle, pulling me behind him, setting the spotlight over me even brighter. I grind my teeth and stare at the mangled rose below, never imagining this would be my view. When he's done, Alice walks up and does the same. Her mother does not, she just stares.

People mill about after tossing their rose in, then approach Edward before slowly making their way back to their cars. His grandfather is rolled close by. He looks up at Edward and Edward says, "This is my girlfriend I told you about." He gestures toward me.

I do this double take his way. I stare up at him. My lips part.

The old man smiles kindly.

"Beautiful young lady." He looks back at Edward. "It's nice to see who we'll be tucking under the family wing. I'm pleased, Grandson." Edward grins and squeezes the hand he shakes.

This is it. It's set. It's written in the stars, stone, and my heart. Everyone knows now, even Alice. She hears as she passes by and looks at me. I make my way toward her, but she keeps going, taking her mother with her.

My heart breaks.

I anxiously wait until others approach Edward. And when I don't think things could get any worse, Mom and Dad appear in front of us two.

"Son, my condolences," Dad says, his hand finding his shoulder. "You know where to find me if you need anything."

Mom doesn't say a word, but her eyes are on me.

I shake in my bones, barely able to look up at her. Dad glances my way but gestures awkwardly.

"Let's go, Bella. Let's leave the family alone."

Yes, Sir. Anything you say.

I go to move, but Edward's grip tightens. "Mr. Swan. If you don't mind … I'd very much like to invite her to ride with me."

Dad is frozen for a second. So am I. I cringe and grin sheepishly, pushing back my hair.

"I'll escort her myself back to your house," he adds. I bite my lip hard.

Dad clears his throat and nods curtly. "Of course."

I choose to die here, right now. I can barely breathe already.

I watch them leave. And as they go further and further, I suddenly feel this relief rush over. I don't have to pretend anymore. My difficult circumstance was solved on this very day.

We ride in a black limousine … alone. I waited for the crowd to squeeze in but he helped me in and slid in beside me. The door closed and we went off, leaving his uncles behind. Alice and their mother out of sight.

He's silent. His hand is still in mine but he looks out at the city under a foggy day. The ride takes us around to his father's favorite places. The ride long and warm.

I take a breath. The silence drowning me.

"Girlfriend," I say with a humph.

"I never said I didn't like it."

"Sounds loaded," I say about the title. About ... all of this.

He turns his head. "It is. I warned you." He picks up two glasses from a small bar and pours whiskey into them. I take the one he offers and stare down at the caramel liquid.

"Okay," I murmur.

He drinks his portion and looks at me. His eyes dilated. He sees the wave of truth and devotion in that simple word. I'll give anything. All of it. For him. I always have. I've waited for this moment. He knows it.

"Don't play with me," I remind him.

He swallows, the remnants coating his tongue. His eyes wander over me.

He shakes his head. "You're exactly where I've always wanted you to be. You understand me?

I understand him.

. .

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