A blue demon with many arms fell to the ground with a yell. The demon had red eyes and stood up. It looked at itself in amazement. "I'm alive! I'm alive!" A car ran over the demon, as blood splattered everywhere. The car pulled to a stop and a demon got out.
He was a tall white spider demon, his face and body white and furry. Light pink spots decorated his face and dark pink spots were under his pink eyes. The spots were reminiscent of extra spider eyes. A pink heart was on the back of his head. He wore a pink and white striped suit and high bright pink heeled boots. Pink gloves covered four of his hands. The demon also wore a black bow tie under his neck and a little black choker on his thin neck.
Angel rested his elbow on the open car door, slicking his fur back on his head. A gold fang was visible. Being a spider demon, he had multiple arms. His left eye was black with a pink pupil and his right eye was white with a pink iris.
"Thanks for the fun time, hot stuff," came a gruff voice from the driver's seat. Travis, the grey owl demon.
"Yeah, yeah listen," Angel said, closing the door and facing Travis, "Keep this discreet, hear me?" He briefly glanced around. "I can't let it get out I'm offering my services to randos on the street. It was a quick cash crab, ya got that?"
He smiled and snapped all his fingers at Travis.
"Pfft. Whatever you say, slut!" Travis mocked with a laugh. A black and gray top hat was on his head. His left eye was black with a red heart pupil while his right eye was white with a black pupil.
The white demon cupped his face dramatically. "Ouch, oh, such an insult!" he declared, pretending to be offended. He leaned into the open car window. Travis' eyes shrank back and his ears flopped in fear. Angel smirked, "Let me know when you come up with something creative to call me next time, you poorly packaged sack of horse shit."
He poked Travis and his nose with his finger. "Tell the misses I said hi," Angel said, blowing him a kiss before leaning back out.
Travis rolled up the window and grumbled. "Poorly packaged…" The car flipped in the air before falling with a loud crash.
Angel looked behind him at a store. One sign had a dripping needle that said "blood draw" on it. A door had an upside down cross as part of the decoration. A yellow neon sign read "Beg Slut," while a teal one read "We couldn't think of a pun for our shop, but we sell hard drugs!" A casino flier read "Casino: just a few wins away." A red vending machine with the word "drugs" written in white caught the spider demon's attention. He walked over and glanced down at the options:
[Coke
Bojack
McWeedies420
Squip
Hero-in
Krunchy Krokodil
Angel Dust]
The demon pressed a button labeled "angel dust" and a white sack fell to the bottom. With a greedy smile, he took it in his hands.
With a yoink, a gray demon snatched the bag from his hands.
"Hey!" Angel yelled.
"Up yours, drag show!" hollered the demon before he was crushed by a boulder.
"Oh my god!" cried Angel, but he wasn't worried about the crushed demon. He sadly picked up a piece of the sack.
"My drugs! Damn it!"
Angel turned around and spotted a flying metal aircraft, which was firing lasers at buildings. It looked like an industrial rocket ship made with gears and a steampunk style to it. A metal hook hung from the bottom of it. The lasers struck the buildings, which caused bright pink explosions to fill the air.
From inside the ship, a serpent Overlord stood high above the controls, laughing maniacally. Down below, her deviled egg minions stood and watched. Each of them wore black top hats and pinstriped round clothing. They were called the Egg Bois.
The room had deep purple walls, cabinets for the minions and decorations of their leader along the wall. The stairs and many of the structures on the ship depicted scales.
The Overlord was Madame Pentious. She wore a light gray Victorian style suit with yellow vertical stripes down the front. The undershirt was yellow with a pink eye on it under a black bow tie. She had the lower body of a dark gray and yellow snake, plus a black tail with yellow stripes and pink eyes all over it. Her gray top hat had a moving pink eye and a grinning mouth of fangs. She sprouted a demonic grin of sharp yellow teeth and his hood was full of pink hypnotizing eyes.
Up on the platform, the serpent oriented two levers in her hands, the control button in the center displaying a pentagram design.
"Those other cowardly sinners dare not hinder my territorial takeover! A wise decision. The power of my machines are unmatched! No other demon can compare to the likes of I!"
One egg minion with #23 on his back added, "Gee that was pretty swell boss!"
"Yeah!" another chimed in: #666.
"You really showed them what to do!" called a third.
Another minion teasingly ran his fingers up the Overlord's spine. "I like it when you shoot them with your ray gun…"
Madame Pentious punched a minion out the window and whirled around in anger. The other minions backed up. "I wish she would shoot me with her ray gun," a minion whispered, head lowered.
Madame Pentious rolled her pink eyes at her minions. She turned back to the controls and grinned. Pentagram circles revealed the areas she had taken over and the other territories ahead.
"At this rate, I will seize control of the entire west side of the Pentagram by day's end!"
She bragged some more. "And nothing, not a single beast in this inferno of suffering, will be able to take back this empire from my constrictive grasp!"
As to prove her point, she grabbed a minion with her tail and tightly squeezed it.
Another minion blew a noisemaker and then popped open a blue bottle of a brown drink. The Overlord threw the minion across the room as the eggs celebrated down below. "Oh boy!" cheered one.
"Hell will be mine!" She declared, "and everyone will know the name of Madame …"
"Edgelord!" yelled a voice.
"Pardon?!" Madame Pentious shot back in shock, looking around. "Who said that?!"
She leaned in close to two of her minions, not pleased.
"What did you just say to me, you fried chicken fetuses?!"
The minions shook in fear.
"Speak up!" She hissed.
"It wasn't us, miss boss woman," said a minion.
Just then, an object shot through the glass at the front, creating a small hole. A small pink bomb with a black skull on the front, landed on the floor. Madame Pentious observed it for a moment…the bomb looked like a cherry…which could only mean…
Madame Pentious flinched back, a look of terror on her face.
The bomb exploded, covering the room in sparkles and thick red smoke.
Madame Pentious coughed and swiped some of the smoke away.
"Are you looking for a fight, old woman?" a female voice challenged.
Madame Pentious spotted her rival standing proud and casually catching another bomb in her hand: Cherri Bomb.
The woman was towering tall in one high pink boot on her left foot, the other foot with a sock on it. She wore black pants filled with holes, along with a pink crop top with an x on the front over her left breast. Freckles dotted her face and skin. She had long strawberry blonde hair in a ponytail and a single pink eye with a white x that took up most of her white face. She spouted a grin of sharp teeth.
"Why don't you get that tinker toy bullshit off my turf before I smash it…" she declared before catching her bomb. A random barbell of metal crashed into the floor close to Cherri Bomb.
"…more," she finished.
"Oh, you wanna go, missy?" Madame Pentious retorted, doing air quotes with her fingers. She flicked her hood back before opening it. "Well, I'm happy to oblige!"
She let out another laugh as her minions closed in, holding stun guns, which crackled with yellow electricity.
But Cherri Bomb just scoffed. With graceful leaps, she avoided the blasts and threw down another bomb. She used the cover to escape, jumping down and swinging once from the anchor at the bottom of the flying craft. Landing gracefully on the ground, she continued her assault from below.
"Catch me if you can, snake bitch!" she taunted out loud.
"Get her!" She bellowed through the red smoke, the eggs quickly running around in a frenzy.
The minions jumped to the ground after her, the Overlord following suit. Cherri Bomb dodged a blast, grinned and picked up the minion egg. She spun around and threw the minion straight into Madame Pentious' face. The snake threw the egg back at her, and she caught it with one hand.
"Thanks for the gift!" Cherri called out, before cracking the egg open with an evil grin. She placed a bomb into it, then threw it back...straight into his face. Madame Pentious could only make a face of surprise before the egg blew up in pink smoke.
"Why you little…"
Cherri Bomb ducked as another egg sailed over her head.
Just then, a familiar drug-addict white demon stomped on an egg minion and threw a grenade in the distance.
"Angel!" called Cherri Bomb, happy to have her partner in crime arrive.
"Great to see you too, sweetie!" he teased.
Pink explosions filled the air as the fight continued.
"Hey, thanks for the backup, Angie!" Cherri Bomb smiled as she fired a flaming red blast from a metal cannon weapon toward Madame Pentious.
Angel Dust laughed, leaning against volcanic rock as cover. He threw a grenade over his head.
"Hahaha! Are you kiddin'? This is the best action I've seen in ages!"
A pink explosion rocked the streets.
"Where have you been anyway?" Cherri asked as she removed a fuse from another bomb. "I thought you up and died or some shit."
"Oh I wish," Angel remarked as he lit another fuse and handed the bomb to his ally. "I've been staying at this crappy hotel on the other side of town. Some boards are letting me stay rent-free if I play nice."
Cherri threw her bomb, then ducked beside Angel behind the rock. They both covered their ears. A column of green smoke rose into the air with a fiery whoosh.
The duo leaped over the rock and charged at the army of egg minions. Using four arms, Angel Dust fired rapidly from a tommy gun at the minions, making some of them explode.
He sighed, and used one of his hands to gesture. "Y'know, no fights, no pranks, no "problematic language." Her words, not mine."
Angel tripped an unsuspecting minion, sending him into the air and exploding in a yellow yok mess. Angel waved a spiked club and continued firing his gun, his shadow silhouette briefly behind him. A pot shop stood in the background, with marijuana leaves near the sign.
"These bitches are no fun!" Angel complained in frustration. Splatters of yolk landed on his head and face. "I've been clean for two weeks!"
"Holy shit!" Cherri Bomb yelled after avoiding a green explosion and leaping into the air, more bombs in her hands.
Angel scooped up yolk with his pink gloved finger. "Well, sorta clean." He smashed apart another egg minion with his club. "As clean as you can get with a shitload of Bolivian marching powder."
Angel's shadowy silhouette displayed sharp fangs as Cherri posed in the background. A sign read "50% off meth" above a small supermarket.
A black chain wrapped tightly around Angel's waist and chest, sending him flying backwards. Cherri Bomb gasped as her ally was pulled away. Madame Pentious threw the chained Angel hard onto the ground a distance away. The spider landed with a thud against volcanic rock.
"Oh, harder Mommy!" Angel teased with a wide smirk.
Madame Pentious gasped, eyes tearing up. "Son?!"
Angel Dust stared blankly, one eye raised, a look of disbelief on his face.
Cherri Bomb rushed into action, landing a sharp kick to Madame Pentious' back. The villainess landed on the ground, then hissed threateningly. She stood up in anger.
"You whores have no class!" She exclaimed. "In war, the side remembered is the side with the most…style." She sprung her bow tie in emphasis.
Cherri Bomb broke open an egg and tossed the shells aside. Angel stood up, freeing himself from the chains.
"Or the side that ain't dead," Cherri added.
"Speaking of style, is your hat like, alive or something?" asked the spider demon wiggling his fingers.
Madame Pentious hissed. "Oh, well, that's none of your goddamn business, now is it?"
Angel continued, "Would that make your hat the top and you the bottom?"
He and Cherri burst into laughter. Even a pink "loser" sign pointed at the oblivious villain. "Ooooh," said a minion near her. "One hellish burn." The snake slapped the egg with her hand.
"I'm going to blow you to bits!" Madame Pentious yelled, pointing at them.
"Hmm! Kinky!" Angel teased with a smirk.
An advertisement displaying a plate of sausage, eggs and a tomato slice stood halfway buried in the ground. A glowing pink sign pointing down read "pussy." Another yellow sign read, "Sex here."
"Not like that! Pervert!" yelled the villainess, pointing a finger. Cherri Bomb and Angel Dust held in laughter.
Angel suddenly pushed Cherri Bomb out of the way, as an egg minion shot tendrils of claws from behind them. The claws had eyes in the center and grabbed onto Angel's four wrists. He struggled to free himself, the cords stretching.
Madame Pentious grinned. "Not so cocky now, are we?"
"Y'know, you really need to watch what's coming out of your mouth," Angel remarked. "I've been making these sex jokes this whole time!"
A drill poked out from the ground, Angel barely avoiding it. A minion held a drill in his small hands at Angel. Two extra arms popped out from Angel's body, holding his rifle.
"And it's obvious you ain't catching on."
He cocked his gun. "I mean, it's just…sad!"
The spider jumped into the air, freeing himself and landing away from Madame Pentious. He aimed his gun and was about to shoot her then shots could be heard and two bullets whiz passed angel then bullets curved and hit Madame Pentious hat knocking it off her.
Cherri Bomb popped up next to Angel, walking sideways. "Angel you alright?"
"Yeah I am alright. Who the hell was that?" Angel shrugged his shoulders and retracted his extra arms. Madame Pentious lay fuming on the ground. Then a Lobo appeared and was standing next to them. Angel and Cherri backed away and pointed their guns and bombs at him.
"Hey who the fuck are you asshole. This is my turf so you better find somewhere else before I light your ass up." Cherri said
Angel looks at him hen he remembers that it was Lobo. Lowering his gun then looking at Cherri.
"Wait Cherri, put down your bombs. I know him. So big guy, what are you doing over here?" said Angel as he was wondering what Lobo was doing here.
Cherri looks at Lobo and was wondering if she can take him on but decided against it.
Then Lobo looks at them "Sorry about that I wasn't aiming at yall I was aiming for her. She shot me in the back with her weapons and it pissed me off." Said Lobo
More egg minions scrambled over to the edge of a high cliff, overlooking the scene. Egg shells and yolk puddles littered the cracked street.
"Hey you buddy you think you can help finish this?" Cherri asked. She rolled a bomb from one of her shoulders to her other shoulder, then into her hand.
"Sure I'll help you two out, it's the least I can do." Said Lobo as he dismissed his guns then summoned his sickles and transformed them into a double bladed scythe, shocking them once more.
Cherri Bomb popped up next to Angel, walking sideways. "Think you're gonna get into a lot of trouble for this?"
"Eh, what's one little brawl gonna cause?" Angel shrugged his shoulders and retracted his extra arms. Madame Pentious lay fuming on the ground.
"So you both are ready for this." Said Cherri as she rolled her shoulders and ready her bombs
Angel cocked his gun again. "Born ready, baby!" And Lobo nodded his head readying his Scythe
The trio charged at Madame Pentious. Everyone yelled. More egg minions fell and Madame Pentious realized she was running out fast.
After several more minutes of battle, Madame Pentious and her remaining minions retreated back to their ship. "This isn't over, sluts!" She declared to her enemies. "I'll have my revenge!" The ship hatch closed.
The egg minions steered the ship and it rose into the air, almost sending the Overlord flying out of the craft. She tossed out more minions in response before taking the controls and flying the craft away.
Lobo, Angel and Cherri Bomb each gave a high-fived. "Thanks big guy for helping me secure this turf for me." Cherri said as she gave Lobo a fist bump and Lobo nodded his head. Then she turns to Angel "See you around Angel," Cherri said.
"Until the next brawl," said Angel as waved bye to his friend
Cherri Bomb waved goodbye and blasted music from an Eye Pod. "Hello, daddy. Hello mom. I'm your ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb! Hello world! I'm your wild girl. I'm your ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb!" she sang out loud.
Angel Dust laughed and continued on his way. Then Angel turned to Lobo "So big boy you want to come with me for celebration time." Angel said as he flirted with Lobo
Lobo deadpanned at him "Really." He said as a white monster limo with teeth pulled up beside them.
When the limo window rolled he was shocked when it was Charlie. "Ah babe you here, can you come with us please." She said as Lobo shrugged before getting inside the Limo.
00000000000000
Earlier that day
A neon logo appeared on the screen, displaying "666 News" in a circle with a neon eye underneath. The names of the news cast appeared on the bottom of the screen.
A skeletal demon woman with short blonde hair and a large toothy grin sat wearing a dark pink fancy dress with a pearl necklace. Sitting at the other chair, dressed in a blue-gray business suit was a demon with a gray gas mask for a face along with short light blonde hair. They were live on the air.
"Good afternoon!" said the woman. "I'm Katie Killjoy."
"And I'm Tom Trench!" said the masked man. "First we got coverage on the battle between Lobo and Adam plus Chaos at Pentagram City today as a turf war is raging on the west side between notable Madame Pentious and self-proclaimed spunky powerhouse Cherri Bomb!"
Three pictures surrounded by flame borders showed Madame Pentious wearing a yellow "music band" shirt, and a backwards baseball cap, doing a peace sign and wearing a pair of sunglasses with a dopey expression on her face. The other picture showed Cherri Bomb flipping the bird with a grin and standing under glittering spotlights. And the final picture was of Lobo fighting Adam.
"That's right Tom!" Katie added. "After the recent extermination, many areas are now up for grabs! Demons all over Hell are already duking it out to gain new territory!"
The clips showed Madame Pentious fighting Cherri Bomb with the egg minions.
"Those two seem to really be going at it, huh? Looks like they're fighting tooth and nail for that hot spot!" Katie popped a tooth and a nail into her mouth.
"And I'd sure like to nail their hot spot!" Tom Trench remarked.
Katie chuckled forcefully. "You're a limp dick jackass, Tom. Or should I say…"
Adding insult and injury, she poured hot coffee over his crotch…
"No dick!"
"Augh! Not again!" he groaned.
Another picture surrounded by a border of flames displayed Charlie with the letters "Princess of Hell" next to it.
Katie continued. "Coming up next, we have an exclusive interview with the daughter of Hell's own head honcho, who's here to discuss her brand new passion-project!"
Tom Trench winced in pain on the desk.
All that and more after the break!"
Katie broke her white mug in her hand, and turned to Tom Trench. "Suck it up you little bitch…"
The TV went off air, displaying Katie's mouth and eyes, colored bars and "off air" with a pentagram in the "O".
Inside the break room, Vaggie adjusted Charlie's black bowtie. Nearby, a red tinted sign said that smoking was, indeed, allowed. Another sign read "on air," in large letters.
"Okay, you remember what to say?" Vaggie asked.
Charlie took a deep breath, enthusiasm in her voice. "Yes! Let's do this!"
Vaggie put a comforting hand on her shoulder. She signaled with two fingers for her to pay attention. "Just, look at me and I'll mouth it to you."
Charlie sighed. "Come on, Vaggie! I know what to say!"
Charlie walked over to the pitcher of red punch, where her bodyguards were eating donuts. "I just feel like we need to…I don't know, make things sound more exciting…"
She tossed a donut aside before gasping.
"Oh! What if I…"
"Sing a song about it?" Vaggie finished.
"You knew I was gonna say that." She playfully tapped her friend on the nose.
Vaggie chuckled before adjusting Charlie's bowtie again and shook her shoulders. "Because I know you. But please don't sing. This is serious." She pounded a fist onto her hand.
Charlie snapped her fingers and briefly winked. "Well, you know, I find I'm better at expressing my goals through song!" She stood on the table and arched her arms dramatically.
"But life isn't a musical, hun," Vaggie reminded her.
"Fine," Charlie said with a slump. Then she brightened again.
"But I do have these other ideas of what to say."
She hopped off the table and pulled out a piece of paper, hopping excitedly.
"The highlighted bits are the best parts!"
Vaggie took the paper and scanned it in disbelief. "Uh, it's all highlighted. Is this a drawing?"
"Yes!" Charlie answered. She pointed to her picture. It showed a list highlighted in yellow that read: "4, unicorn kisses," "5, dolphin high-fives?" and "6, sing show tunes = happy ending!" She had drawn stick figures of demons standing on clouds under a rainbow with a sun and red hearts with faces on them.
"That's the happy ending, see? Everyone's smiling and happy in Heaven!"
"I don't think it's that simple," Vaggie stated. She then begged her: "Just please follow the talking points we went over."
She pulled Charlie close and stared her directly in the eyes. "And do. Not. Sing."
Charlie sighed exasperatedly. "Fine." Then she trotted over and spoke in an accent. "I'll just have to resort to my impeccable improv skills." She gave a salute, several moves of her head, and walked out.
Vaggie suspected that this would not end well.
"Biggest Blame Fool"
Charlie walked over to Katie Killjoy, who posed in her red dress, smoking a cigarette.
"Hi! I'm Charlie."
She waved and held out her hand.
"Katie Killjoy," the woman deadpanned before blowing out smoke and snapping her cigarette. She wore heavy lipstick and white earrings. "I'd say it's a 'pleasure' to meet you, but that would be a lie. You can put that away," she regarded Charlie's hand. "I don't touch the gays. I have standards."
"Yeah?" Charlie asked nervously, looking at a big flashing sign that read "Hell's #1 News!" "How's uh…how's that working for ya?"
"Look, my time is money, so I'll keep this short," Katie cut in. She invasively tapped Charlie's chest several times and poked her nose with her finger. "You're not here because we wanted you here. You're here because Jeffery couldn't make it for his cannibal cooking segment."
Katie motioned to a billboard that showed a blonde man wearing glasses holding up a platter with meat, poop, and a skull on it. "It's Dahn Good: Cooking Show! Guaranteed Cannibalious!" read the sign. The man had been a serial killer who had also molested boys. "Who approved this show?" was on a sticky note nearby.
Tom Trench shook his head in his seat. "Sex! Murder! Weather!" were displayed on a column of three smaller signs.
Katie fluffed up her hair and continued: "You might be some royal bigshot, but that doesn't mean shit to me. I'm too rich and too influential to give a flying fuck about what some tux-wearing demon "princess" wants to advertise."
"But I…" Charlie began.
"So don't get cute with me, honey," she warned, getting into Charlie's face, curling her fingers, "Or I will fucking bury you!"
"And we're live!" said a voice.
Katie rushed back into her seat with a bony crack of her neck.
"Welcome back!"
Charlie sat in a chair next to her.
"So, Charlotte…"
"It's Charlie," she squeaked.
"Whatever," Katie dismissed. She took a frustrated breath and clicked her red pen in her hand. "Tell us about this new passion project you've been insistently pestering our news station about!"
"Well…" Charlie cleared her throat. She looked nervously at the demonic crew in front of her. A demon with a TV head, had "words" flashed across the screen in angry red letters.
There was a demon with a black hat for a face, an Egyptian-like female with a white poodle, a woman with teal skin, a demon with glasses and green snake hair, a demon with two thin heads, several red horned demons and a few Overlords. Another woman wore a hat with hanging beads and colorful Day of the Dead makeup on her face. Vaggie encouraged her to go on.
Charlie took a deep breath, her voice soft spoken.
"As most of you know, I was born here in Hell, and growing up, I've always tried to see the good in everything around me."
Katie clicked her pen impatiently. She spotted a green caterpillar and stabbed it with her pen with a predatory grin. Ink splattered on Charlie's face and around the area.
Charlie continued, wiping off the dark pink ink from her face: "Hell is my home and…you are my people. We…"
Vaggie gave her a thumbs up and a smile.
"…we just went through another extermination. We lost so many souls, and it breaks my heart to see my people being slaughtered every year." Her voice rose. "No one is even given a chance!"
Charlie banged her fist on the desk, waking Katie from a bored drooling daze. A buff demon with horns and four eyes with a skull bull face wore a shirt with the word "crew" on it. An imp with a heart on his forehead stood nearby.
Charlie made her way forward. "I can't stand idly by while the place I live is subjected to such violence! So, I've been thinking. Isn't there a more humane way to hinder overpopulation here in Hell? Perhaps we can create an alternative way to change souls through…redemption?"
Charlie pulled the buff demon into a side hug. "Well, I think yes. So that's what this project aims to achieve!" She ran back to the desk.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm opening the first of its kind! A hotel that rehabilitates sinners!"
The audience stared in stunned silence as Charlie spread out her arms. Not even the flesh-eating crickets were chirping through the awkward quiet.
A bloodstained logo "Radio Hack" was displayed above a window which provided a stack of a dozen TVs inside. One demon watching had deer antlers and a flaming blue face, one of the many cruel Overlords. Crymini, the 90's rocker hellhound, stood with a little demon wearing a jester hat upside down. Two hellhound twins stood nearby, one with dyed red hair, the other purple. A neon sign nearby read "Bar" "Klub Kanji," and "used TVs."
In a bar, dark demons wearing cowboy hats were playing pool, not even paying attention. The lead gun faced demon wore a cloth over his grinning face and had a large barrel gun for a face. His friend looked like a demonic bug, and another looked like a mustached villain. Meanwhile in a bar, purple and blue dragon-like demons sat and drank while casually watching the TVs overhead.
Charlie stuttered, "Ya know…'Cause hotels are for people passing through…temporarily…"
A tattooed dark blue reptile demon stood up and let out a loud laugh as Charlie babbled on.
"Is this girl for real? She thinks, you hear what she thinks? She's…ha, ha ha! Oh she's nuts." The demon walked away with a small lavender creature and a tall maroon being wearing punk rock clothing and crazy neon hair.
Charlie added, "I figure it would serve a purpose…a place to work toward redemption!" She weakly added, "Yay."
One dragon demon leaped away as a tall shadowy figure stood in the background. The sound of tap shoes approached.
The figure stood right next to ratted fliers which read "Beware of her! Do not fuck with her!" "The Radio Demoness" and "Radio Sounds!" was scrawled in red on demons screaming and fleeing from a monster.
The woman smiled and tilted her head a notch as she watched the TV with curiosity and amusement. Her shadow next to her briefly morphed into a shadowy face with fluffy ears and antlers. She spotted the fliers out of the corner of her red eyes, holding in a laugh.
"Who, me? 'Obviously' not! I'd never put on a show and make other demons flee to their graves."
Just the thought of it got her excited.
She had heard of the demon princess before, but she wasn't expecting her to appear on TV. She certainly never heard of an idea so crazy before. Making sinners good people was even less likely than making pigs fly (which was one magic trick she could easily do).
When Charlie started to sing, the red eyed demon couldn't help but tap her cloven feet and silently hum along.
"Haven't been this entertained since I broadcasted my massacre in the Ring of Wrath. This cute Charlie character is intriguing…"
Befriending the princess, and doing something different seemed like a good idea. She glanced over at a faraway Happy Hotel building with a grin. She knew where she would go next.
Back at the news station, a cameraman with blue hair and a white face looked up and scoffed, "She's a stupid bitch."
Vaggie punched him hard in the face in response, causing him to fall off the chair to the ground.
Charlie stared around her, concerned. "Look, every single one of you has something good deep down inside. I know you do."
A light bulb went off in her head and she smirked. "Maybe I'm not getting through to you…"
Vaggie face palmed, knowing what was coming next. "Oh no…"
Charlie snapped her fingers and her bodyguard demons appeared. One sat and began to play a grand piano.
Summoning the Disney princess within her, Charlie belted out her song:
"I have a dream
I'm here to tell
About a wonderful, fantastic new hotel
Yes, it's one of a kind
Right here in Hell
Catering to a specific clientele"
Razzle and Dazzle howled along. The tempo rapidly picked.
"Inside of every demon is a rainbow
Inside every sinner is a shiny smile
Inside of every creepy hatchet-wielding maniac
Is a jolly, happy cupcake-loving child"
"We can turn around
They'll be heaven-bound!
With just a little time
Down at the Happy Hotel!"
"So all you junkies, freaks and weirdos
Creepers, fuck-ups, crooks, and zeroes
And the fallen superheroes, help is here!
All of you cretins, sluts and losers
Sexual deviants and boozers
And prescription drug abusers
Need not fear
Forever again
We'll cure your sin
We'll make you well
You'll feel so swell
Right here in Hell at the Happy Hotel!"
"There'll be no more fire
And there'll be no more screams
Just puppy dog kisses, and cotton candy dreams
And puffy-wuffy clouds
You're gonna be all like, wow!
Once you check in with me!"
"So all your cartoon porn addictions
Vegan rants, psychic predictions
Ancient Roman crucifixions
End right here!"
"All you monsters, thieves and crazies
Cannibals and crying babies
Frothing mouths full of rabies
Fill with cheer!"
"You'll be complete!
It'll be so neat!
Our service can't be beat!
You'll be on easy street! (Yes!)
Life will be sweet at the Happy Hotel!
Yeah!"
Throughout the song, Charlie imagined giving a shiny cupcake to a masked killer, holding cotton candy and a brown puppy in her arms in the clouds…avoiding the attacks of every horror movie serial killer… (Music Logic)
She pictured throwing drugs into a bin of fire, giving shots to monsters, giving money to charity, disturbing porn additions with a bra…
Snatching a "my waifu" and porn magazine out of a demon's hands…
Throwing away demon's cell phones…
Knocking over crosses…
Avoiding a scary spider overlord with yellow bat wings and pink eyes all over his body…
Giving demons big hugs…
Charlie emerges in her horned demon form from a flaming pentagram, and jumps with joy in a land full of candy, rainbows, and ice cream.
Charlie finished with a pose on the table, arms in the air and panted.
The top hat demon smiled. "Wow! That was…shit!"
The crowd burst into rancorous laughter and boos, including a blue demon made of fire in the boo section. Katie shrieked and banged her fist on the table. Charlie sank down to her knees in embarrassment.
Katie laughed. "What in the Nine Circles makes you think a single denizen of Hell would give two shits about becoming a better person? You have no proof that this little experiment even works! You want people to be good just…because?"
Charlie lifted up her head. "Well, we have a patron already who believes in our cause, and he's shown incredible progress!"
"Oh?" Katie asked, leaning in, "…and who might that be?"
"Oh just someone named…Angel Dust."
"The porn star?" asked Tom Trench in disbelief. He subconsciously unzipped his zipper and Katie whirled on him; "You fucking would, Tom!" Her sharp nails left marks on the table.
Katie turned back to Charlie. "In any case, that's not even an accomplishment. I'm sure you can get that hooker to do anything with enough booger sugar and lube."
Someone wolf-whistled in the audience.
"Oh, I beg to differ," Charlie argued, holding up her fingers. "He's been behaved, clean, and out of trouble for two whole weeks."
"Breaking news!" announced a voice as music came on. Excited, Katie pushed Charlie aside. "We are receiving word that two new players have entered the ongoing turf war! Let's go check out the live feed!"
To Charlie's sheer horror, Angel Dust was seen on screen, crushing eggshells and fighting with Cherri Bomb and Lobo.
"Oh shit," Charlie breathed.
"Oh shit indeed!" exclaimed Katie with a grin. "It looks like the one who has just joined the battle is none other than…"
She let out a dramatic gasp…"porn actor Angel Dust! What a juicy coincidence!"
The screen showed Angel Dust with the words "Angel Dust in 'Well, Ok': 18." Dicks and boobs were blurred.
Satisfied, she turned back to Charlie. "You must feel really stupid right now." Katie and Tom laughed again.
"Ratings!" they added jazz hands.
"Don't look at this!" Charlie called, waving her arms in vain from behind the screen.
"Well, it sure looks like your little project is dead on arrival," Katie smirked. "Tell us, how does it feel to be such a total failure?"
Failure. Failure…Charlie could see her doubt reflected in Katie's pink eyes and overbearing shadowy figure. Katie and everyone laughed some more, their jeers painful to Charlie's ears.
"Yeah?" Charlie asked. She snatched up Katie's red pen and held it triumphantly. "Well, how does it feel that I got your pen, huh? Bitch?!"
Katie glared dangerously. Charlie dropped the pen with a nervous smile, "Oops."
Tom leaped out of the way.
Katie grew taller, her form turning to shadow. Out sprouted claws, four extra sharp appendages, and four red eyes on her face like a spider. She launched herself at Charlie. Charlie clawed at her hair and landed punches as the alarm went off in the newsroom. Katie crawled on the desk on multiple legs like an insect, baring her fangs before Charlie jumped and knocked her off the table. Tom Trench screamed as his body was set on fire. "Why won't anyone help me?!"
Charlie eventually ran out of the newsroom, Katie following close behind, as everyone yelled.
"And stay out, you retarded dike!" Katie cussed as Charlie made a run for it down the sidewalk. Charlie was tempted to strangle the homophobic, news diva with her bare hands…but that would only contradict her goal…if she even had one anymore.
0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Charlie had never felt so humiliated in her life. She sat in her seat and curled into herself. Once again, her ideas were dismissed, mocked, ridiculed. No one was willing to see the good in themselves.
The demons were content to wallow in suffering, violence, and cruelty until the end of their afterlives. Tears were already threatening to spill from her yellow eyes, but she held them in.
Maybe her father was right. What if she really was a failure, like everyone said?
As if reading her mind, Lobo gave her a small hug. "You're not a failure, Charlie. It's just…no one understands our goal. People think they're…I don't know…outlandish?"
He got a sad sigh from Charlie in response. "I just wanted to make things better for my people. I know I don't feel much like a princess, but at the same time…I feel like it's my duty…my destiny to bring some cheer to this place."
"Heh. No one can ever top your optimism," Vaggie mentioned, with a playful roll of her orange eye. "Your happiness can be spotted miles away."
A small smile formed on Charlie's face. "Well, at least I can pull myself up and keep going…But today isn't one of those days."
Vaggie slumped slightly. "I did warn you not to sing."
"I couldn't help it," she countered. "How else was I supposed to get my message across?"
"Not everyone likes singing and music all the time." Vaggie said.
"My family does."
"But the other demons aren't your family." Lobo said.
Charlie stared out the window at the buildings whizzing by. "Sometimes I feel like my family is bigger than just my parents." She turned to look at her lovers. "You both are my special people …and the two people who seem to get me. You are both part of my family already."
Vaggie chuckled softly. "Without us, you wouldn't have lasted very long out in the big world."
"For once, I agree with you there," Charlie replied.
"Don't get too discouraged," Vaggie said. "We'll get back to the hotel and figure things out from there."
"I kinda feel like singing another lament now." Charlie said.
"Please don't." Lobo said.
"Fine."
The limo drove past the 666 Shop, the Nightmare Night Club, and an Evil Donuts store, complete with slime and worms displayed on the donut structure. Pink eyes decorated the ceiling of the car. Charlie curled into herself again, and took a puff of a breath.
Angel Dust was busy playing with the button, making the car window go up and down, up and down. He froze when he saw an angry Vaggie staring at him.
"What?" Angel asked with a shrug.
"What? What?!" Vaggie shouted, pulling out chunks of her long white hair. "What were you thinking?!"
Angel sighed. "Aw come on! I owed my girl buddy a solid! Isn't that a 'redeeming quality?' Helping friends with stuff?"
"Not with turf wars that result in mass murder and destruction!" Vaggie replied.
"Eh, you win some, you lose a few hundred," he said with a snicker. "It wasn't that bad anyway."
"And why were you helping them Babe? Didn't you have enough after fighting Adam and the exterminators." Said Vaggie as she stared at Lobo.
Lobo opened his red eyes staring at Vaggie "Well first of all I was saving a female sinner from being killed by the exterminators in front of her kids. So I wasn't being senseless and second of all I was attacked by Madame Pentious so we had a common goal." Said Lobo
Vaggie was taken back but she couldn't argue with his reasoning so she let it go. Charlie looked at her boyfriend and smiled.
Angel propped up his long legs and pushed the window button again. Vaggie tossed a dagger at the button and it fizzed out in a shower of sparks. Angel stared, shocked and terrified. Vaggie growled in warning.
"Aw come on, I had to!" Angel protested. "My credibility was on the line!" He sighed. "I mean what kind of reputation would I have if people found out I was trying to go clean? It just throws out my entire persona." He lifted up his furry chest for emphasis.
"Your credibility?" Vaggie asked in anger. "What about the hotel? Your little stunt made us look like a fucking joke!"
"No, no no, babe. Jokes are funny! I made you look…uh, sad. And pathetic! Like an orphan, with no arms. Or legs. Uh…oh with progeria!" Charlie covered her face with her hair as Angel blabbered on.
"Great! Now I'm bummed just thinking about it! This thing have any liquor?" He bent down to the floor and tossed a bottle aside. He then flicked a wrapper away onto a seat.
Vaggie was fuming. "Can you please just try to take this seriously?"
"Fine, I'll try. Just don't get your taco in a twist, baby."
Vaggie stood up with hands on her hips. "Was that you trying to be sexist or racist?"
"Whatever pisses you off more. Is there seriously no liquor in here?" Angel said as Lobo snorted.
"I'm gonna kill him," Vaggie swore, crossing her arms and sitting back down.
"Too late, toots. Wait, would that make me double dead?" He laughed slowly and loudly. "And where exactly do I go? To double Hell?" He laughed again. "You're stuck with me, bitch. Get used to it."
Vaggie swore in Spanish. "Eat shit, bastard."
"Listen, who cares if some jagoffs get hurt?" Angel nonchalantly asked. "Most of them are ugly freaks. Look around! Got a bunch of fuckin' harlequin babies down there."
"You're one to talk," Vaggie muttered with a small smirk.
Angel then yelled "Hey!" in protest. "This body is flawless! Everyone wants some of me and I've got the creepy fan letters to prove it!"
He pulled out a dirty piece of paper from his chest that read: "Show me your feet! Brandon. #1 fan/critic." There was a picture of a young Angel in the lap of a naked fat green man, licking Angel with his green tongue. He had a tattoo of Angel with a red crossed out sign.
"I really didn't want to see that." Said Lobo as he saw the picture as he was resisting the urge to puke.
This time, Charlie spoke up. "That was really uncool, ya know, Angel."
Vaggie growled and turned to her friend. "Uncool?!" She motioned to Angel. "After that train-wreck, there is no way anyone is gonna wanna stay at the hotel." She turned to the spider. "All thanks to you and your selfish bullshit!"
Angel glanced at a discarded pile of ash and used cigarettes. "Does this mean I don't get a free room anymore?"
Vaggie spread out her hands as if asking "Well, what do you think?"
He let out a mock sigh and snapped his fingers. "Ah, well, shucks."
Charlie pulled off her dark pink jacket, revealing a white shirt with a black bowtie.
"Hey, come on, we don't know if things are over yet. Try to relax, Vaggie. It'll be okay!" Lobo said.
Now it was Vaggie's turn to let out a small smile of thanks. As Lobo pulled Charlie and Vaggie into hug as the girls smiled.
"What would I do without you both?" Vaggie asked.
"Get a room!" Angel remarked, before receiving a "Shut up!" from both of them. Lobo chuckles.
Finally, the deviant crew arrived at the Happy Hotel. It was a good enough building fit for any demon who wanted to stay a few nights. Eye catching on the outside, but messy on the inside. Eye designs lined the border of a dark pink circus canopy at the front like a creepy mosaic.
Branches jutted out from the roof as part of the structure. Old fashioned lanterns attached to the wall had flames flickering inside, nonstop. The double doors consisted of stained glass windows with red apples in the center. Little stained glass snake eyes peered unblinkingly at them from around the larger window in the door.
Angel, Vaggie, Lobo and Charlie got out of the car and threw open the double doors. A random black bug scurried away from the incoming light. A yellow sign read "Concierge" behind a pink "welcome" banner. The check in table was decorated with colored flags leaning toward the floor and random balloons with small star shapes on them.
A vase was decorated with yellow eyes along the sides. Another flower pot was in the shape of a human mouth…white flowers posed above. Vaggie sighed and plopped onto a red cushioned couch in the style of a monster's mouth. While Lobo sat down next to her and comforted her.
The red rug down the hallway was decorated with the same eyeball designs, apples on the end, plus shadow skulls of horned monsters in the center.
All around the room were pictures of Charlie as a little girl with her father and mother on various trips. One picture showed her, Vaggie and Lobo in front of a castle at Loo-Loo World, Hells' version of Disney World.
Angel Dust came across a red fridge leaning low against the wall. He opened the door and pulled out a purple box labeled "Popsies." He shrugged at the dripping ruined box and took out a popsicle. He gave it a lick.
"It's prolly a good idea to get some actual food in this place. Y'know, to feed all the wayward souls ya got in here." He laughed nervously, trying to cheer Charlie up. But Charlie just sat sadly on a wooden box in a darkened area of the room. Angel closed the fridge door, sucked on a popsicle and reached out one of his arms to her…then hesitated. He walked away, letting Charlie have some alone time.
Charlie walked past the two posing elephant statues balancing balls on their trunks, and toward the front door. She opened the door and went outside. Holding out her purple Hell Phone she pressed an icon with the word "Mom" decorated with horns and pointed tails on the m's.
Charlie took a deep breath as a voicemail tone came through.
"Hey Mom. Um, I know I keep calling, and you must be busy. Really busy. But, um…the interview didn't go well and…I don't know if I'm going to make a difference. I don't know what I'm doing. I could really use some advice, Mom."
She slid down and sat on the stone ground, tears falling from her eyes. She wiped some away with her arm. "I think Dad was…right about me. A-anyway, I'll stop talking before this gets too long. Love you! Bye."
She ended the call with a tap and rubbed her eyes with her hand. Standing back up, she opened the door, closed it, and leaned against the stained glass window, eyes closed.
What was she supposed to do now?
A slow ominous knocking from outside interrupted Charlie's thoughts. She opened her eyes.
Knock. Knock, knock, knock, knock. Knock, knock.
An ice cold feeling of dread spread through her veins. No other demon would ever do that kind of knock.
Unless…
She tentatively reached out her hand to the door handle, and quickly pulled it open.
Sure enough, the most feared Overlord standing right outside her door, a few shadowy heads with glowing eyes peering through the doorway curiously.
She stood towering over her, wearing an elegant dark red dress coat that had tatters near the bottom. Light red vermilion strips were vertical along the dress coat. Her bright red undershirt was decorated with a black upside down cross.
Her pants were burgundy in color, shoes black with red deer tracks on the soles. A wine colored bow tie was over her undershirt. She wore burgundy colored gloves over her four clawed fingers, with red tips and knuckles. A fluffy red and black deer tail was hidden under the lower part of the dress coat.
Charlie's eyes turned as wide as saucers, her face full of fear.
The woman began to speak in a radio-filtered voice, holding up a finger.
"Hell…"
Charlie slammed the door in her face.
She opened the door…
"looo!"
Slammed it again.
The woman stood, shocked in front of the stained glass door, a smile still plastered on her face, hand and curved claw in the air.
"Well… that was…rude," she thought. "Usually people are too scared to answer when I come by. Or they rush to try and please me because they know I could slaughter them at any time. I'll just wait here then…or maybe break this door down…"
"Hey, Vaggie?" Charlie called.
"What?" Vaggie replied in annoyance on the couch, hand on her forehead.
Charlie flashed a nervous smile. "The Radio Demoness is at the door!"
"What?!" she demanded.
Lobo sat up straight when heard the word Radio Demoness.
"Uh, who?" Angel asked. He sucked erotically on his popsicle.
"What should I do?" Charlie asked, pulling at her lower eyelids.
"Well, don't let her in!" exclaimed Vaggie and Lobo nodded his head in agreement.
Charlie was tempted to do just that. But she also had a duty to not leave any sinners behind. She took a breath, eyes furrowed and opened the door again.
"May I speak now?" the Red Demoness asked.
"You may…" Charlie replied.
The woman held out her gloved hand which briefly glowed. "Alazia, pleasure to be meeting you, sweetheart, quite a pleasure!"
She eagerly grabbed her wrist and leaned her face close to hers, noses almost touching before strutting inside. Charlie stood, dumbfounded, her hand still out.
"Excuse my sudden visit," she told Charlie, "but I saw your fiasco on a picture show and I just couldn't resist. What a performance!" Clapping sounds came from the microphone. She raised her arms before walking forward. "Why haven't I been that entertained since the Stock Market Crash of 1929!"
She bobbed her head side to side and burst into laughter. "So many orphans!"
"Stop right there!" Vaggie suddenly pointed a spear weapon at her, Alazia freezing like a deer in the headlights. She swore in Spanish under her breath. "Rabies of a bitch! I know your game. And I'm not gonna let you hurt anyone else here, you pompous, cheesy, talk show bitch!"
Angel peeked around the corner to see what was going on.
Lobo was standing next Charlie ready if the Radio demoness would try anything funny.
Alazia merely chuckled slightly and nudged the weapon away with her fingers.
"Dear, if I wanted to hurt anyone here…"
She added in a low creepy tone, her mouth not moving, "I would have done so already."
Her red eyes briefly turned to red radio dials as radio static filled the room. She tilted his head slightly, letting her chaotic magic roam. Vaggie and Charlie were frozen in fear as they caught glimpses of red Voodoo symbols, static, and warped reality.
There was no way that Alazia would let this barely dressed, frowning, suspicious woman get in the way of her plans. She entertained herself with the thought of killing her and comforting a crying Charlie over her slain body...
Then just as quickly, the noise and magic ceased and Alazia shook her head, eyes back to full red. Her eyes had briefly been black with red pupils.
"No, I'm here because I want to help!" She bowed.
Charlie was sure she hadn't heard her right.
"Say what now?" she asked, eyebrows raised.
"Help!" She responded with another laugh. She held up her microphone staff.
"Hello? Is this thing on? Testing, testing…" she tapped it and a glowing red eye appeared in the center.
"Well, I heard you loud and clear!" the microphone responded in a radio voice, eye shaking in fear.
"Um…you want to help?" Charlie asked.
Alazia appeared behind the demon girls, hands on their backs, switching from a shadow to her regular self. Both Vaggie and Charlie flinched.
"With…" she mentioned in an imitation of Charlie's higher voice…
"…this ridiculous thing you're trying to do!" finishing in her normal voice. "This hotel!"
Charlie could hear the call bell ding twice on the table, even though no one was there to ring it.
"I want to help you run it."
"Uh…why?" Charlie asked, confused.
Alazia laughed again. "Why does anyone do anything? Sheer absolute boredom!"
She curled up her fingers before dramatically putting her hands up to her cheeks. She then moved off to the side. "I've lacked inspiration for decades!"
She placed her elbow on an annoyed Vaggie's head, tilting her head on hers. Then she shoved Vaggie aside.
"My work became mundane, lacking focus…aimless! I've come to crave a new form of entertainment!"
She laughed again, tilting her head back.
Charlie looked downcast as Vaggie stood up with a scowl. "Does getting into a fist fight with a reporter count as entertainment?"
Alazia laughed again. "It's the purest kind, my dear! Reality! True passion! After all, the world's a stage! And the stage is a world of entertainment!"
She smiled and tilted her head, after making crawling motions with her fingers.
Charlie brightened a bit. "So, does this mean that you think it's possible to rehabilitate a demon?"
Alazia held up a dismissive hand and laughed. "Of course not. That's wacky nonsense! Redemption, oh the non-existent humanity! Nononono, I don't think there's anything left that could save such loathsome sinners!"
She grinned at a glaring Vaggie and Angel who sat on the couch and shrugged. Then she noticed Lobo and froze for a second which went unnoticed by the three except Lobo who smirked at this then Alazia resumed.
She continued. "The chance given was the life they lived before; the punishment is this!"
She spread out her arms, Angel looking at the front. "There is no undoing what is done!"
"So then, why do you want to help me if you don't believe in my cause?" Charlie asked.
Alazia smirked from the side and looked at Charlie over her shoulder.
"Consider it an investment in ongoing entertainment for myself!" Briefly making a "come hither" motion, she pulled Charlie close to her with her arm and twirled her in a quick dance.
"I want to watch the scum of the world struggle to climb up the hill of betterment! Only to repeatedly trip and tumble down into the fiery pit of failure." Her eyes glowed red in pleasure, voice lower.
"Right…" Charlie began, slowly removing her clawed hand from her shoulder.
Alazia took her aside for a walk. "Yes indeedy! I see big things coming your way, and who better to help than I."
"A Cautionary Tale"
"Ah, so uh, what's the deal with Smiles over there?" Angel asked Vaggie.
"Wait, you've never heard of her before?" Vaggie asked, surprised. "You've been here longer than me!"
Angel shrugged his shoulders.
"The Radio Demoness, one of the most powerful Overlords Hell has ever seen?" Vaggie asked.
"Eh, I'm not too big on politics," Angel replied.
Vaggie let out an annoyed sigh before leaning in close to explain.
"Decades ago, Alazia manifested in Hell, seemingly overnight. She began to topple Overlords who had been dominant for centuries. That kind of raw power has never been harnessed by a mortal soul before. Then, she broadcast his carnage all throughout Hell, just so everyone could witness her ability. Sinners started calling her The Radio Demon. (As lazy as that is). Many have speculated what unimaginable force enabled her to rival our world's most ancient and destructive evils. But one thing's for sure: She's an unpredictable source of danger, a wicked spirit of mystery, and a violent monster of chaos, the likes of which we cannot risk getting involved with, unless we want to end up erased."
Flashes of Alazia in her full demon form, a giant red wendigo-like being with branching black antlers, glowing red eyes, a long lavender tongue, sharp teeth, and long dark claws, appeared on screen. She grinned as she hovered her claws over the demonic faces of voodoo imps and minions. Her dress coat revealed a flaming hole where screaming demons struggled to escape.
"Ya done?" Angel asked with a snicker. "She looks like a strawberry pimp!"
"Please, I fought Alazia years ago, called me a mutt but ran like a bitch." Lobo said.
Alazia conjured her staff into her hand with a smug look ignoring what Lobo had said.
"Well, I don't trust her!" Vaggie exclaimed. Before making her way to Charlie. "Charlie, listen to me. You can't believe this creep! She isn't just a happy face! She is a dealmaker, pure evil! Shs can't be redeemed! And is most likely looking for a way to destroy everything we're trying to do."
"I…" Charlie began. "…we don't know that. Look…I know she's bad, and I know she probably doesn't wanna change, but the whole point of this is to give people a chance! To have faith things will be better! How can I turn someone away? I can't. It goes against everything I'm trying to do. Everything I believe in."
Alazia starred in fascination at a family picture on the wall. It showed Lucifer dressed in a white suit, Lilith in a dark purple dress, and Charlie as a little girl wearing a brown and white dress in the middle. The picture border consisted of branches and yellow eyeballs and a dried rose in the upper right hand corner.
"Such a lovely portrait! A picture of perfection! It'd be such a shame if something awful were to happen to them…"
How easy would it be for Alazia to trick that naive princess into a sweet-sounding deal. And that clownish useless Lucifer would have to be usurped. Hell would be better off as a place of burning, freezing suffering...a never-ending realm of chaos like she wanted.
"Just trust me," Charlie added, placing comforting hands on her lover's shoulders, "I can take care of myself."
"Charlie," warned Lobo, "Whatever you do, do not make a deal with her."
From a distance, Alazia opened up the palm of one hand, claws curled. All three glanced in her direction, worried on their faces.
"I'll have these three in the palm of my hand…" Alazia said.
"Don't worry," Charlie replied to Lobo with a chuckle. "I picked up one thing from my Dad…"
She spoke in a manly voice as she walked away, "Ya don't take shit from other demons!"
Gathering her courage, Charlie marched over to the Radio Demon.
"Ok, so…Al. You're sketchy as hell, and you clearly see what I'm trying to do here is a joke. But I don't."
Red Voodoo symbols to bind the prepared deal appeared around a grinning Alazia, then vanished. Charlie glanced back at her with narrowed eyes.
Charlie continued. "I think everyone deserves a chance to prove they can be better. So, I'm taking your offer to help. On the condition that there be no tricks or voodoo strings attached." She emphasized with a brief wiggling of her fingers.
Alazia twirled her cane and held out her right hand. "So it's a deal then?"
Flashes of eerie green light surrounded the two, electricity snaking up the walls. Shadows swirled around the room and everyone covered their faces at the force of the wind.
"Nope!" Charlie yelled, holding out her hands. The energy stopped and light returned to the room. "No shaking! No deals! I…hmm…"
Charlie decided to try another approach. "As princess of Hell, and heir to the throne, I uh, hereby order that you help with this hotel, for as long as you desire." A moment of pause…"Sound fair?" she asked.
"Hmm…Fair enough." Alazia shrugged before she strolled away, cane vanishing. Charlie's verbal agreement had allowed her instant freedom to pursue her mischievous schemes. It would be a treat to eventually break Charlie down...then she'd have to accept her deal.
"Cool beans." Charlie breathed a sigh of relief and even did a thumbs up.
Alazia stopped and spotted Vaggie off to the side. She smirked in a way outside observers would describe as lecherous. She tickled her under her chin with a finger.
"Smile, my dear! You know you're never fully dressed without one!" Alazia said.
Alazia hummed happily on her way, while Vaggie growled in disgust and rage.
"So…where is your hotel staff?" Alazia asked Charlie, leaning in.
"Uh, well…" Charlie began. Alazia peered at a glaring Vaggie through her monocle. "Oh ho ho ho, you're going to need more than that."
She strode over towards Angel.
"And what can you do, my effeminate fellow?"
Angel grinned. "I can suck your Tits!"
A screech was heard as Alazia stared in shock and revulsion.
"Ha! No." Alazia deadpanned.
"Your loss," Angel said with a grin. Alazia summoned her staff again.
"And you my fleabag fiend how have you been since we last fought hmm." Said Alazia as she 'smiled' at Lobo
"Well just fought off the leader of the Exterminators and won. Oh and try something that pisses me off and I will end you." Lobo said.
Alazia then stepped away from Lobo putting on a brave face but deep down inside she was seething at this mutt.
"Well, this just won't do!" Alazia exclaimed. "I suppose I can cash in a few favors to liven things up!"
The spell came easily in her mind: "dife sèvitè, reveye."
Alazia snapped her fingers and a fire sparked to life in a small circular fireplace. Animal skeletons decorated either side of the wall, fully repaired.
A dark figure plopped down onto the chimney floor.
Alazia walked over and picked up the ashen creature with her hand. A large single yellow eye was revealed. Angel, Vaggie, and Charlie peered at the creature. In a puff of smoke and a squeak, the creature revealed herself.
A cute cyclops woman was wearing a dark pink skirt with a poodle on the front, and a white shirt with pink paint stains. Her hair was magenta and short with a streak of yellow. White spots were on the left side of her skirt. Her single yellow eye took up most of her face.
"This little darling is Niffty!" Alazia introduced with a smile, before dropping her. The girl landed on her feet.
"Hi! I'm Niffty!'' She greeted with a wave. "It's nice to meet you! It's been a while since I've made new friends!" She laughed slightly as her pupil grew smaller, darting in circles.
"Why are you all women?" she asked. She darted over and lifted Charlie up before putting her down. Vaggie growled, aiming her spear at the newcomer.
"Are there any men here?! I'm sorry, that's rude." She missed the fact that Angel was male, for obvious reasons.
Then Niffty looked at Lobo and noticed he was a man and then she gained a huge blush as she ran up to him and jumped to his chest. "Hi I'm Niffy. Are you a Bad Boy?" She asked as she giggled.
Then she looked as she jumped off "Oh man, this place is filthy!" she exclaimed, running around and lifting up couch cushions. "It really needs a ladies' touch, which is weird, because you three are women, no offense." She chewed on a black spider she found, then rushed toward some stained glass windows.
She darted around, using a dust ruffle to clean them, removing spider webs. "Oh my gosh, this is awful! No, no, no…Nope!"
Niffty raced around, removing cobwebs, then poked at a piece of a voodoo doll. Well, it was actually a blue beetle doll that Alazia had stabbed with a clothing pin for her to play with.
Niffty turned and exclaimed, "Oh my goodness, a dirty rat!" She dashed over, scooped up the dark gray creature and popped it into her mouth rapidly. Rows of her sharp teeth were visible. Strained squeaks mingled with rapid chewing sounds. "I bet there's tons of them under this place, I'll be sure to get more! I can kill dozens of them in a day!"
Alazia looked amused, while the others stared in disbelief.
"So fortunate of me to have met her in Hell. A former chimney sweeper in the 20th century. I heard she died from being burned alive in a fireplace. Services are still good! Though, I didn't give her much of an option to begin with…"
Meanwhile, at a casino, a cat demon placed a joker, an ace, a 2, and a fourth card down on the table. He had black and white fur, a fluffy chest, wore a black top hat and had red wings with card suits decorated on them. He also had long red eyebrows and wore a large red bow tie.
"Ha!" he declared in triumph. "Read 'em and weep, boys!"
He suddenly felt himself being forcefully pulled out of the room through space and time. "Full…whoa!"
"Transpòte ganbadeur la."
He ducked as a curtain of red energy surrounded the existing space. Voodoo symbols flashed in the background along with eight yellow eyes, a creepy voodoo skull and a purple skeleton of a worm-like creature. Another voodoo skull with horns appeared for a moment not too far from tan ghost-like spirits with creepy faces and a row of jagged teeth.
The cat demon figured he must have had too much booze to drink.
"…the hell?"
As the images faded, he soon found himself at the hotel bar, not in the previous room at the casino. A large "Come and play Blackjack" sign took up much of the wall behind him. Most peculiar, the gray wood walls were missing halfway up, replaced by the red themed décor of the hotel. He was sitting in a portion of the casino he was in. It felt like he was in a house with no roof, surrounded by the outside world.
"What the fuck is this?"
He glared at the group and then saw Alazia, pointing an accusing claw. "You!"
"Ah, Husker, my good friend!" Alazia cheerfully greeted as audience claps came from the microphone. "Glad you could make it!"
Alazia's head briefly had the appearance of large antlers sticking out from either side. When she moved it, it was revealed to be an antler skull with glowing green eyes hanging in the background. Snakes were wrapped around one of the pillars supporting a bar stand. "Big Booze," "Welcome" and "Big Soul" signs were placed overhead on the stand. Neon green card suits consisted of the designs at the bottom of the stand.
"Don't you "Husker" me, you fuckin bitch!" Husk spat, swiping Alazia's hand away from his shoulder. "I was about to win the whole damn pot!"
Husk starred in anger as the stacks of money and chips on the table vanished in static.
"Good to see you too!" added Alazia.
Husk face palmed. "What the fuck do you want with me this time?"
Alazia grabbed hold of him in a side hug, startling him so much that cards fell from his hands.
"My friend, I am doing some charity work, so I took it upon myself to volunteer your services! I hope that's okay."
Husk was taken aback. "Are you shittin' me?!"
"Hmm. No, I don't think so!" Alazia replied.
Husk shoved the Radio Demon off him, the latter casually dusting off his red sleeves. He puffed up his black and white fur in anger, his cat ears twitching. "You thought it would be some kind of big fuckin' riot just to pull me outta nowhere? You think I'm some kinda fuckin' clown?"
"Maybe," Alazia grinned.
Audience laughter emitted from the microphone.
"I ain't doin' no fuckin' charity job," Husk protested.
Alazia appeared next to him, startling the cat. "Well I figured you would be the perfect face to man the front desk of this fine establishment."
She pointed toward the bar stand with the staff as clapping was heard again.
"With your charming smile and welcoming energy…"
Alazia spread the corners of Husk's mouth upward into a demonic smile of yellow teeth. Husk frowned seconds after he let go.
"…this job was made for you!"
Alazia strutted over toward the bar stand, the soles of her black shoes revealing red hoof prints as she walked.
"Don't worry, my friend," Alazia continued, "I can make this more welcoming…if you wish."
With a curve of her fingers, a green bottle of cheap booze appeared on the counter.
Husk stared with wide eyes, suddenly very thirsty. He swore he could hear the sound of a slot machine.
"What, you think you can buy me with a wink and some cheap booze?!" He took the bottle in anger. "Well you can!"
He immediately guzzled it down and walked away.
"Too easy," thought Alazia .
By this time Lobo, Charlie, Vaggie and Angela Dust had arrived to see what the commotion was about. Vaggie rushed toward the bar, furious.
"Hey, hey, hey, hey!" yelled the moth demon. "No, no bar, no alcohol. This is supposed to be a place that discourages sin! Not some kind of…brothel, man-cave!"
Angel lunged himself into her, knocking her to the floor.
"Shut up! Shut! Up! We are keeping this." He pointed at Husk with multiple gloved fingers. He then slid up to Husker. "Hey," he said in a flirtatious voice.
"Go fuck yourself," Husk deadpanned, drinking his booze.
"Only if you watch me," Angel retorted, with a sway of his butt and hips.
To make matters worse for Husk, Charlie leaned in close to him, excitement and red stars in her eyes.
"Oh my gosh! Welcome to the Happy Hotel! You are going to love it here!"
"I lost the ability to love years ago," Husk replied, gulping down more booze.
Alazia walked in, an ever-present grin on her face.
"So, what do you think?"
Charlie ran over to her. "This is amazing!" she beamed, rubbing her cheeks. Alazia blinked rapidly in appreciation.
"It's okay," Vaggie grumbled from nearby, arms crossed.
"Hm surprised that you can do something right, Alazia." Said Lobo
Alazia laughed and pulled the two girls close to her, ignoring Lobo once again. "This is going to be very entertaining!" Her laughter was mixed with old radio sounds and static.
Alazia conjured fire in her hand…Charlie stared in wonder at the flames and the voodoo symbols. She pushed Vaggie aside and changed her attire.
She now wore a fancy red suit with a white undershirt and a black bow tie. A red top hat appeared on her head, complete with small spikes along the black band and two needles sticking out from the top. She twirled Charlie around in a dance, the princess looking stunned. Pointing her finger over her head, he transformed Charlie's outfit. Her blonde hair was now short and wavy.
She wore an elegant black and pink dress, black gloves, a pink hat with a small black bow and black heels. She looked like a dapper lady from the early 20th century. The bottom half of her dress was pink, while her round hat was mostly the same color.
Charlie stared at her conjured clothing in amazement.
Vaggie was on the floor, fuming.
Alazia picked Charlie up and threw her into the air. She yelped in delight and landed gracefully next to her. Two glowing apples and a skull with deer horns flashed in the background.
Reality had been altered to the Radio Demon's liking. The entire room was lit in psychedelic colors. Voodoo symbols and shapes were etched in every nook and cranny, including a pair of pink claws reaching for the door. Alazia and Charlie waltzed in the spotlight as electro swing music began to play in the distance. The all-encompassing noise, though, was the signature radio-static sound.
Alazia sang her reprise to Charlie:
"You have a dream
You wish to tell
And it's so laughable
But hey kid, what the hell!"
Charlie found herself sliding down what was the staircase moments ago. Alazia led the way as they held hands. They landed on the lower floor as Alazia continued his reprise. Deer statues and painted antlers were everywhere.
Back at the bar stand, Husk sat looking bored. Vaggie hissed at Angel grabbing onto her shoulder, while Niffty stared in wonder. Alazia snapped her fingers and their outfits changed as well.
Lobo was wearing a red and white pinstriped suit, Angel was wearing a neon pink suit, Husk a pink bow tie, Vaggie a dark dress, with her hair now smooth and long, and finally Niffty, with a dress and a cute top hat with small flowers.
"'Cause you're one of a kind
A charming demon belle!
Now let's give these burning fools a place to dwell
(Take it, boys!)"
Alazia snapped her fingers once more and shadowy imps rose to life from a hole in the ground. The happy spirits played a trumpet, a tuba, and a drum set. Charlie snapped her fingers to the beat, while Vaggie watched with worry. She reached out to her friend but was pulled away by Alazia.
She enveloped the group into a tight hug, followed by glowing images of dark spirits staring at them. While Husk, Vaggie and Angel looked on in terror, Niffty watched in amazement, like she had seen it all before and Lobo looking unfazed.
Alazia pulled Husk and Angel close again. She rubbed Angel's head with a white hat and went on her merry way. She pulled a strand from one of Husk's red eyebrows. Husk flipped her the bird as she left.
Vaggie stood, annoyed in the spotlight. Using her cane, Alazia added a feathered peacock hat and a white fox fur scarf to her outfit. Then out of nowhere, she slapped her butt.
"Pompous bitch!" Vaggie thought in rage as she wandered away with a smirk.
Alazia danced some more, kicking a horned skull to the side. In the background, Niffy happily swept up the bits of bone.
"Inside of every demon is a lost cause
But we'll dress 'em up now with just a smile!
(With a smile!)
And we'll chlorinate this cesspool
With some old redemption flair
And show these simpletons some proper class and style!
(What's in style? Oh!)"
She made her way to the circular fireplace, where she waved her staff. Shadows arrived to join the party, including a shadowy version of herself, with large antlers and fangs: Ruotsala.
The shadow grinned a blue grin at her, before making it disappear in a poof. She then led Charlie in an upbeat dance, spinning her around, helping her match her steps to hers.
Their noses almost touched. Charlie blushed when she toyed with her cheeks. As Charlie was led away, Vaggie stood in the background, horrified and disgusted. What was happening to her girlfriend?
Charlie and Alazia laughed as they danced, the princess locked in a happy trance. She could almost see the sparkling romantic themed bubbles in the background.
"Here below the ground
I'm sure you're plan is sound!
They'll spend a little time
Down at this Hazbin Ho…"
Alazia was about to finish her song, when an explosion burst apart a window behind her. The force caused the door to blow off and fly straight into Niffty but Lobo used his speed and pulled her away. She looked at Lobo in awe and felt a little aroused.
Soon the colors were back to normal and so were everyone's outfits. The group peered out from the hole, Alazia craning her neck. The group went out onto the path and spotted a flying blimp. Madame Pentious poked her head out from an opening in the ship, fangs bared.
"Ha!" the snake inventor laughed. "Well, well, well, look who it is harboring the striped freak!" She called, mentioning the white spider demon. "We meet again, Alazia!"
Alazia merely asked with a smug look, "Do I know you?"
Madame Pentious' face fell before she grew angry. "Oh yes you do!" She slithered back into her seat. "And this time I have the element of…surprise!"
She pulled a lever and a cannon lowered to the ground. "I'm so evil!" She declared with maniacal laughter as the cannon fired up.
Alazia snapped her fingers, red tendrils of smoke rising from her hand. The weapon froze in mid fire and a fiery portal opened up below the blimp. Pink smoke filled the air.
A horde of black tendrils rose from the hole, latching onto the ship. One tentacle ripped off the cannon and threw it into another smaller portal, causing it to explode in pink smoke. One of the tentacles had already smashed a hole in the large round window.
Madame Pentious looked on in shock as her Egg Bois slammed against the wall (one of them read #Ouch.) One of the eggs cracked open, spilling out yellowish brains and small organs among the stains of yolk. Madame Pentious and another minion were thrown against the wall.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" She screamed before she was slammed against the ceiling by a black limb. "Ow, that hurt!" She cried.
Madame Pentious screamed as she was forcefully dragged along the floor and lifted up slightly. She was held in place, surrounded by the wrapped up tendril. At once, the tendril shrunk and squeezed the helpless snake. The Egg Bois ran around frantically.
From the outside, more black tendrils were closing in. Red voodoo symbols appeared around the blimp.
"Ede m 'sèrviteur."
Four horned shadowy spirits with red auras floated around, wearing toothy grins.
The tendrils were now wrapped around the entire blimp, holding it in place like thick black vines.
Red radio waves filled Alazia's eyes as she curled her fingers inward. The sky vanished, replaced with red. Hovering red voodoo symbols appeared all around him as she altered the state of reality. Radio static consumed the air.
The vines thickened and completely enclosed the blimp. The spirits swooped around it in excitement, with echoing shrieks. The aura around the tendrils glowed a fiery yellow, the same color as the portal rim.
"Kalfu! Destriksyon pa bra nwa."
Alazia closed her four-fingered hand which began to glow. A red drop of blood fell from her glowing hand. The tendrils proceeded to crush the blimp. Pink rays of light shot from the center and the blimp exploded in a loud BOOM!
Pink smoke spread everywhere as the spirits sped away. The tendrils broke into severed bloody pieces that rained down to the ground. Alazia smiled victoriously, while behind them, the group of five starred in utter terror and shock. (Save for Niffty who had a small smile on her face and Lobo who wasn't amused).
"Well, I'm starved!" Alazia exclaimed, turning around to face the group. Who wants some jambalaya?" She spread her arms out before leading the way back to the hotel. "My mother once showed me a wonderful recipe for jambalaya! In fact, it nearly killed her!"
She laughed. "You could say the kick was straight out of Hell!" She added while laughing at her own joke. "Oh, I'm on a roll!"
The others followed her back. Charlie and Niffty smiled while Husk, Angel, and Vaggie looked on with concern. Niffty scurried around Alazia with a look of admiration. Angel blew Husk a kiss, which earned the druggie demon a glare from the gambler.
Charlie turned to Vaggie excitedly. Vaggie reluctantly went along with Charlie's idea, even giving her a small supporting smile. As long as Charlie was happy, then Vaggie was alright, too.
Lobo waved goodbye to the others and flipped off Alazia before teleporting back home.
From up above, the hotel looked like a mashed-up haunted house. An old dark train was perched on a balcony, with some monstrous faces carved in. A ship, reminiscent of the Titanic, was leaning upwards against the building as part of the structure.
An old carousel served as part of the upper balcony and windows. Skull designs decorated the small windows in a row. Finally, on top of a giant yellow eye, was the sign "Happy Hotel" supported by pillars of worn wood.
Alazia continued, "Yes sir! This is the start of some real changes down here! The game is set! Now…"
She glanced up and pointed her finger toward the sign. Pink electricity shot out and made contact with the sign. The sign now read "Hazbin Hotel."
"Stay tuned," She finished with a low sinister laugh.
Back at the crater, smoke took the faces of demons and rose into the air. Broken egg minions littered the ground. One minion rubbed his head. With a shaking arm, Madame Pentious lifted herself up from the gaping hole, fangs shattered, eyes swollen.
"Now will you shoot me with your ray gun?" asked the minion.
Madame Pentious face-planted on the ground in response and groans.