Chapter 14.
First Night in the Shrieking Shack.
Remus awoke from a disturbing nightmare in the Gryffindor boys' dormitory drenched in sweat. It was dark and still the middle of the night. He was breathing rapidly almost gasping for air in a state of panic. There was a bunched up, wet spot near his mouth in the fabric of the blanket like he had been trying to chew it.
He looked around quickly at the other beds afraid he had woken the others up. He hoped desperately he had not made any embarrassing sounds. Thankfully, they were still asleep and he sighed in relief.
He had the kind of panic-inducing dream that always made him extremely relieved to wake up from, realize it was only a dream and comforted that it was not reality.
In his macabre dream he had been eating with his mates in the Great Hall and suddenly all the students vanished, the food on the long table had changed form to dishes with human fingers floating in cheese sauce, a bowl full of sugar coated eye balls looking back at him, and a plate of stacked roasted legs with charred toes still smoking.
He realized he was mindlessly chewing on something. What was he chewing? He looked down at his hand with a confused frown. Oh Merlin, Noooo!
When he looked down to see what he was holding, a chilling sensation of horror tingled up his spine. He was chewing one of the roasted legs and shredded muscle fibers were hanging grotesquely from a tibia bone.
Albus Dumbledore stood on the other side of the table, pointing his wand at him, shaking his head with huge frowning expression of disappointment. His heart sunk heavily in despair and waves of self-loathing nausea swirled in his stomach. Then a crushing weight squeezed his chest until he felt like he was never going to get another breath of air again. Then he was jolted awake in his bed, wet with perspiration.
Remus put a hand over his queazy abdomen, got up from his bed and snuck quietly over to the window. He carefully swung it open trying to not make any sound that might disturb the others peacefully sleeping. The cool night air blew softly across his face and he gratefully inhaled measured breaths of it to calm himself down.
The nausea slowly subsided and he was thankful it didn't escalate into any vomiting that could of unnecessarily woken up his roommates. The gentle breeze chilled the sweaty surface of his skin and provided comfort for the painful knots of disgust that started to lessen in his belly.
The night sky was clear and Remus noted with dread that the moon was indeed waxing. He had carefully hidden some notes to himself disguised as part of his astronomy homework plotting out the current moon phases so he could be sure to keep track of it. He had calculated that he only had a few more nights until his first full moon at Hogwarts.
Before coming to Hogwarts he had discussed with his parents the possibility of bringing the magical lunar pocket watch that had been gifted to them from staff at St.Mungos after he was bitten.
But they ultimately decided it was much too dangerous to run the risk of him bringing it; the watch accidentally getting into the hands of another student; and it possibly leading to his big secret getting exposed. So it was safely left at home for his parents to check and be thinking of him... and probably worry for him.
Remus sighed heavily.
At least they don't have to worry this month about my containment, damaging their home, or their own safety from me being a disgusting, horrible monster.
He thought back to the recent memory of when Peter Pettigrew had had the fainting episode from hearing the screaming young mandrakes in Herbology class without earmuffs on and how he sat waiting next to him before he woke up.
Madam Pomfrey was one of the very few at Hogwarts besides Dumbledore that knew his secret. The only time she had said anything related to it was when she was absolutely sure that Peter was still unconscious and no one else was around in the hospital wing. It was not long after Remus and Professor Sprout brought him there.
While he was waiting at Peter's bedside, she had whispered to him to meet her there at least several hours before it got dark on the day leading up to the full moon night. She would provide guidance to the prepared safe house for him. He had nodded in agreement and politely thanked her.
Remus looked up at the waxing gibbous moon and despised it.
He both hated and feared the moon.
It felt as though it shinned down upon him like this terrible interrogative spotlight into the very fibers of his being; into the infected blood coursing through his veins; forcefully penetrating into his mind the fact that he is a lifelong prisoner to its lunar curse.
It was almost as though the moon cruelly whispered on-going reminders to him; reminders that he really wasn't like any of the other students; he'd never be normal like the other students; as much as deeply wished he could be; he was lying to himself and others putting up a daily façade of normality.
As much as he pretended, as much as he tried every day to push away the fact of his lifelong curse of lycanthropy to the farthest corners of his mind, the moon was still there whispering the grim reality: you're a werewolf, Remus, a pathetic werewolf, forever my captive to run amok and torture with excruciating pain every ~29.5 days.
Remus exhaled and closed the window. Then he crept back into bed to salvage what sleep he could get before the next day of classes would soon be upon him.
Later that morning when the owl post happened at breakfast, Remus got a letter from home from Cadbury.
Hope sometimes included an actual bar of Cadbury chocolate for him in the letter. Remus had forgotten to carry any owl treats on him that morning when he stumbled sleepily out of the dorm so he gave Cadbury a round, chewy piece of bacon from the plate of rashers on the table.
He silently planned to use the letter for a carefully construed lie to his mates about his impending sudden absence for the night of the full moon coming up.
Throughout the day, Remus got deliberately quiet and feigned a withdrawn sadness. Sirius noticed first and asked as they were walking between classes,
"What's eating at you, Remus?"
James chimed in, "Yeah, you seem rather preoccupied."
Peter asked, "Are you ill? Your face looks really p-p-pale like you just s-s-saw a dementor."
Remus replied, "No. No, I'm not ill. I'm fine. It's my grandmother who was ill and now..."
Remus trailed off with a big heavy sigh and then pretended to sniff his nose as if he was becoming tearful.
Sirius, James and Peter all noticed right away and stopped walking in the hallway. They each rested a hand gently on his arms and shoulder in compassion. Remus felt deeply touched by their sincere gestures of concern for him.
He continued woefully, "My mother wrote in an owl post this morning that my grandmother passed on."
The three of them looked instantly crestfallen and they each responded with sympathy saying,
"Sorry for your loss, mate."
"My condolences, Remus."
"Yeah sorry for that s-s-sad news."
Remus nodded with a pained expression and then explained,
"Thank you. So, I, I have to make a quick trip home to attend the funeral service. I'm afraid it's come up rather fast so, um, Dumbledore's been very kind to make travel arrangements for me to use a port key in Hogsmeade to get me home quickly."
Peter scratched his head and asked, "When? Huh, huh-how quickly?"
Remus said, "Well, it's the day after tomorrow that I'll need to go. I'll most likely miss a few classes. Can one of you please fill me in on what I missed in Potions and History of Magic?"
James snickered and said, "Potions class, yes, but no guarantees I won't fall asleep in Professor Binn's class. Merlin, it's boring as hell."
Sirius gave James a playful slug on his shoulder and remarked with a mischievous grin, "I can keep you awake in there. Maybe I could try to light off some Dr Filibuster's Fabulous Wet-Start, No-Heat Fireworks. I bet the old ghost wouldn't even notice."
An amused smirk spread across Remus's face and he said, "I shall miss not being there to see that!"
Peter asked, "When are y-y-you coming back, Remus?"
Remus was quiet for a moment in thought. He hoped he wouldn't injure himself too much but he obviously couldn't predict the future. He guessed that having an entire house to move about in while he was in his despicable werewolf form would make him less likely to harm himself compared to being trapped in a much more confined space.
He cringed and said, "I believe I should be back by the end of the next day... which means, blimey, I forgot, I'll miss the whole bloody next day of classes, too. Ugh."
Sirius patted him on the back and reassured him, "Not to worry, mate, I'm sure between the three of us we've got you covered." James & Peter nodded in agreement.
Remus sighed and with his eyes darting around to all three of them he said, "Thank you kindly. I truly appreciate each of you. I can't thank you enough."
Peter replied, "Uh, um, y-y-yeah, it's no, no trouble at all. I can cover for y-you, 'cause you covered for me, Remus, after I passed out in Herbology. Merlin, I detest those nasty m-m-mandrakes."
James exhaled a few little noisy scoffs doubting that Peter would be much help covering for any classes.
Sirius had an impish grin spread across his face at the memory of their recent escapades and did a little happy skip as they walked.
He pat Peter on the back and stated,
"You know, I suppose I never properly thanked you for taking the hit on that part of our marvelous mischief-filled mission, Peter."
Peter rolled his eyes and muttered, "Yeah, well, d-don't mention it, S-s-Sirius. Glad we at least scored some house points in the end plus, ha ha, and that reaction on Severus's face-"
Remus interrupted him with an exaggerated cough sound to draw their attention and said, "Um, we really should not be discussing that out here."
They followed Remus's deliberate eye gaze at a group of other first year students including Severus farther down the hallway where they were all funneling into the doorway to Professor Flitwick's Charms classroom.
James eyes fixed on Lily Evans also bustling in the crowd and he appeared completely smitten with her gazing like a love-sick puppy dog.
Sirius waved his hand a couple times right in front of James' eyes until he seemed to snap out of a trance.
Sirius slugged him lightly on his shoulder and teased, "Well I'll be a Clabbert's uncle, James, you fancy that Evans girl, don't ya'?"
James looked startled and quickly looked anxiously to see if they were in earshot of Lily. She was completely unaware of them talking to another Gryffindor girl.
He slugged Sirius back with a perturbed look and hissed, "Shut it!"
Sirius put both hands up in mocked innocence and declared in a singsong voice, "I swear, guys, I didn't even slip him a love potion either."
"Ssshhhoosh! Stop it," James blurted out trying to hush-hush him as his cheekbones blushed profusely.
When they got closer to the Charms classroom, James straitened his posture; ran his fingers through his hair trying to achieve the effect of some famous wind-swept haired Quidditch player; albeit unsuccessfully as Lily was throughly oblivious of him focused elsewhere.
Days passed and soon it was the day leading up to the night of first full moon for Remus at Hogwarts.
It was that time to go.
Remus had hardly slept the night prior anxiously tossing and turning in his bed. He felt like a helpless bundle of nervous energy thinking about his transformation looming over him in only a matter of hours; nervous for it to happen in a completely new place; hoping desperately that it would all go as planned.
As the night of his transformation had grown closer, Remus had felt his body growing increasingly ill by the pull of the waxing moon nearly at it's full state.
He tired quickly and his head throbbed inside his skull with the circulation in his vascular system about to make a huge jump in volume to a much bigger, monstrous form. But he secretly pushed through the aches and pains, pretending his body worked as it usually did to not arouse any suspicion.
Climbing the steps up and down throughout the castle became very difficult as his legs easily became wobbly in weakness.
Eating or just pretending to eat as he normally did in the Great Hall was hard to fake as his usual full moon nausea symptom flared making his stomach bitterly cramp up with every swallow.
His face color went from pale to an unnatural ashen grey and then occasional green hues whenever the waves of nausea flared up.
Other students noticed he didn't look well. Though he knew they had good intentions, he didn't enjoy the repeated questioning of whether or not he was feeling poorly. He worked hard to assure others he was fine and tried his best to hastily deflect the conversation topic to other matters important to the other person.
A small part of him actually started to look forward to escaping the growing awkwardness of being in view of other students who wondered about his unhealthy, sickened appearance.
The time came to surreptitiously connect with Madam Pomfrey in the hospital wing so he said quick goodbyes to his mates in the hallway between classes.
They were once again full of sympathetic condolences for his false narrative about his expired grandmother and the need to dash away to the funeral ceremony with his family. Their caring comments stirred some guilt deep inside him for lying to them. However, he figured that he just had to do what he had to do and he was ready to get it over-with for the month.
Madam Pomfrey greeted him with a friendly, warm smile when he crept quietly through the hospital wing doors with his rucksackover his shoulder. The room had a freshly disinfected smell like she had just cleaned. He glanced around and was relieved to not see any other students there.
"Hello Remus. Thank you for arriving here early. It shall give us adequate time for me to escort you to the proper location," she said courteously.
Remus nodded quietly and sat down wearily on a chair near an empty bed. Madam Pomfrey walked up closer to him and looked him over from head to toe.
"Merlin! You look exhausted and the night hasn't even begun yet. Next month do come and see me two weeks in advance, will you? I'll make sure to brew you a Girding Potion. It's for increasing one's endurance for a considerable number of weeks. It's got a very foul odor but I do think it would probably help with your condition. Hhm, either that or Strength Potion or maybe a Vitamix Potion, hhhm, yes, I do think would work nicely for some additional support."
"Yes, Madam Pomfrey."
"Come to think of it, Professor Slughorn, just brought me a successful batch of Invigoration Draughts his fifth year students brewed today. Would you care to have one for a boost of energy?"
Remus immediately agreed saying, "Oh yes, please. I am feeling rather fatigued. That would be lovely, if it's not too much trouble."
Madam Pomfrey gave him a gentle pat on his shoulder and said,
"Not at all, dear. Not at all. You just sit tight right there and rest while you can. I'll be right back in a bit with that Invigoration Draught for you."
He thanked her and watched her walk swiftly away to fetch the potion while he continued to rest in the chair.
Soon, Madam Pomfrey returned with a bottle of invigoration draught potion in hand to where Remus was sitting sleepily in the chair trying to keep his head from nodding off in exhaustion.
A part of him was wrestling with the tempting thought of crawling into the hospital bed to take a nap. Sitting still in the chair was making the sleepless night prior catch up with him.
"Thank you," he told her appreciatively after he swallowed the potion, "and my covert thanks to Professor Slughorns' fifth year students as well. I'm... I'm sorry to take a potion if you needed it for others."
Madam Pomfrey waved her hand at him and said, "No no, you're fine, there's plenty for others. Too bad a person such as yourself has to wait until year five to learn to brew that one."
Remus replied, "Yes, perhaps I should figure out how to brew that one out sooner."
She smiled and said, "Indeed."
Not long after the potion hit his stomach, Remus felt a delightful upsurge of refreshing energy flood his body. He was so grateful for the needed boost before she escorted him to the Whomping Willow.
Madam Pomfrey decided in order to protect the secrecy needed for Remus's condition, it was best to cast an invisibility charm over the two of them so they were able to move inconspicuously together to the grounds outside unseen.
Since Dumbledore's dire announcement about the addition of the Whomping Willow to the Hogwarts grounds at the start of term welcoming feast, students were naturally curious to see it. Word had quickly spread amongst students of the intense force of its thrashing branches. There was even bets beginning to break out who could be the first one to make it past the whipping branches and touch the trunk unscathed.
"This tree is certainly making the hospital wing more popular this school year," Madam Pomfrey rolled her eyes and muttered quietly, "and daredevil students not heeding the proper warning."
Remus looked downward and softly said in a barely audible voice, "I'm sorry."
She suddenly stopped, gave him a shocked expression and told him firmly, "Dear boy! Now listen...don't apologize for the poor choices of others. It's not your fault and that's all there is to it. There will be none of that. I can see Dumbledore made a wise decision having you here - you're a honorable and intelligent young man. No more apologies like that to me. You understand?"
Remus was bit surprised that Madam Pomfrey could momentarily go from sugary sweet to very feisty. But a smile slowly spread across his face at her kind compliments. He nodded shyly and said, "Yes, Madam Pomfrey."
They got to the Whomping Willow and stood just beyond the reach of its menacing branches of fury. Remus was quite fascinated to watch Madam Pomfrey at work as she took out her wand from her work apron and deftly cast a spell that hit the trunk with flawless precision. The entire otherwise violent mannered tree instantly froze when her thin jet of blue light touched a very specific knot on the bark of the trunk.
He noticed the tree was almost completely paralyzed except for a small area at the base of the trunk that seemed to be making the roots separate from each other like a pile of of snakes very motivated to untangle themselves. As the roots spread apart, a dark entrance hole in the ground appeared.
"Dumbledore has already given me the grand tour so I'll go first and show you how it's done," she explained.
Remus watched her sit down calmly on the grass near the base of the trunk. Then she placed her legs into the dark hole, held onto some roots at her sides and then disappeared sliding into the blackness like a mole down into its hole.
He felt a small involuntary laugh burst out of him at the sight of her vanishing into the earth with a prim and proper expression as if it were a everyday activity around the grounds to just sit down and *poof* slip underground.
Remus copied the actions of Madam Pomfrey and found himself sliding down a gentle slope into a dirt passage way large enough to stand in. His momentum slowed and he was now lying still on his back.
"Are you alright?" Madam Pomfrey asked with concern standing near him pointing her glowing wand at him.
He nodded, gave her a silly grin and replied, "Yes, I'm fine. I think I have a new respect for moles now."
She chuckled a bit and then said, "Quite right. Well, we better crack on, it's a ways down the tunnel to the safe house...it's more of a boarded up shack, I suppose. You'll see."
They crept quietly under the damp earth amongst dangling roots and rocks. At times Remus saw roots wiggling with his glowing wand that he realized were not roots at all but rather wiggling earth worms. The tunnel eventually sloped upward to a newly constructed wooden doorway that swung open at once with Madam Pomfrey's flick of a wand and incantation, Alohamora.
"This is it, Remus. Dumbledore stopped by the hospital wing earlier today before you arrived and informed me he had placed extra protective enchantments around the structure to make it impossible for you to exit. All the windows and doorways are boarded up, too, "she explained.
Remus said, "Thank you. My deepest thanks to both you and Dumbledore for your... assistance and provision of this place."
Madam Pomfrey told him,
"And Remus, don't you feel bad if anything is broken in here or there's damage done when you turn back in the morning. There is nothing of value in here."
"Alright," he replied looking down suddenly feeling his face grow a bit warm at the thought.
"There's nothing to be ashamed of and we know this is not your fault. I will be here shortly after the sunrise when you've changed back to your human form again. Don't fret, know that you won't have long to wait for me to show up. I'll be there quickly to tend to any and all injuries, okay?"
Remus was silent. He didn't expect it but a surge of tears suddenly flooded his eyes. Perhaps he had been stuffing it or suppressing it for a while around his peers and didn't know they were right there under the surface.
He was afraid. He was always afraid to transform. It hurt and it was excruciatingly painful every time. But this was the first time he would be alone without his parents nearby. He felt a new kind of hurt compounded with it all, a huge wave of homesickness inside of him.
Madam Pomfrey seemed to sense his inner turmoil. She opened her arms to him and simply said, "Oh dearie, come here, I may be short of a lycanthropy cure but I'm never short of hugs."
Remus fell into her arms and found himself weeping into her shoulder for a while. She gave him gentle pats on the back and told him softly,
"Let it all out, dearie. Let it all out. There's still time before I have to go."
Remus took some deep breaths then asked self-consciously, "I, I brought an extra change of clothes in my rucksack...but, but what if I wake up and I've... just shredded them all to pieces?"
Madam Pomfrey consoled him saying, "If you shred them to pieces, so what? Clothes can be replaced and we'll see to it there will be a swift replacement for you. If you'd like I can place your rucksack on the other side of the entry door we just came through in the tunnel. Then it's protected and I'll bring it to you in the morning when I come through."
Remus thought about this woman coming to him when he would likely be naked and bleeding. I better just accept it and trust her if this is going to happen every month from now on. Come on. It's not like I'm the first naked injured body she has treated as a healer.
He swallowed his pride, dug past the packed clothing in his rucksack and sheepishly pulled out his old stuffed bear from home. Then he handed her his rucksack without making eye contact and agreed with a soft,
"Yes please, if you don't mind. Thank you, Madam Pomfrey."
She took the bag, slung it over her shoulder, and reassured him, "I don't mind whatsoever, Remus. It's no trouble at all. And just between you and me... I still have my stuffed rabbit on my bed that I got when I was a little girl."
She smiled, walked to an arm chair in the room and transfigured a large blanket from a seat cushion. Then she pulled out a bar of Honeydukes chocolate from a pocket in her apron.
"Here, take this and this before I go. Sorry if there's a bit of dirt on the wrapper from the tunnel."
"Thank you. Thank you for all your kindness," he told her appreciatively. He could never refuse chocolate.
"I'll see you in the morning at sunrise. Goodbye for now. I better get back to the other end of the tunnel, unfreeze the tree and close that entrance so nobody finds out," she said going through the same doorway again.
He waved goodbye and listened to her locking spell spoken on the other side. Then he wrapped himself in the blanket, held his stuffed bear tightly to his chest, and nibbled on the chocolate bar.
I miss you, Mum, he thought to himself quietly.
He pictured past memories of her gently rocking him in her arms, softly humming songs, and stroking his hair to comfort him before his monthly transformations.
Later the very first shrieks of the Shrieking Shack echoed loudly out of the building. They were heard by some residents of Hogsmeade and henceforth it began the spread of rumors for many years of its haunted status filled with violent spirits.
A/N: Thank you for reading and all the kind reviews. I will write about Tonks. I promise. :)
~EmeraldChicken