Chapter 17
Remus 'Spills the Potion'
"W-w-we know what you are Remus," Peter declared in a somber tone.
Remus felt like he could barely breathe. He looked around the dorm room from Peter, to Sirius, and then to James, who were all staring knowingly at him. Did they really know?
"What, what do you mean?" Remus said in a tiny voice and gasping for air nervously.
Sirius explained, "Remus, we figured out the pattern. We know. It's you that gets sick every month and we figured out it's always on a full moon you disappear-"
Still desperately trying to not blow his cover, Remus interrupted him saying, "No! No I told you, it's my mum, she's ill, and, and I have to-"
James interrupted Remus impatiently, "Yeah-yeah-yeah, that's what you've been using to cover this whole thing up all along."
"Cover what up?" Remus asked still faking innocence.
"You're a w-w-werewolf, Remus. We know," Peter said pointed a finger strait at him.
"Bollocks! Why would you say such an absurd thing?!" Remus shouted with a tone of panic.
He looked around at each of their faces and then realized it was over. They knew.
He noticed the book was beginning to shake in his trembling hand and threw it on the floor by his bed in frustration.
Remus felt overcome with emotion, his knees wobbled and he collapsed downward. He put his hands over his ears and found himself curled in the fetal position on the mattress on his bed.
Then it was like a dam bursting with his flooding tears. Pathetic sobs of grief poured out of him wrenching his entire body. After some long, awkward moments, feeling gutted, Remus finally pulled himself together to get words out in a sorrowful confession to them.
"Okay...okay, FINE...you're right. It's true! I, I can't hide it anymore. I knew this day would come sooner or later. Of course I had hoped for later. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I lied to you... you've all been, been more than kind to the repulsive, miserable likes of me," he wretchedly cried.
Then he weakly pulled himself up steadying himself with his hands on the edge of the bed, he carefully made his way over to his trunk at the end of his bed. He wiped his nose and eyes with his sleeve. He hurriedly opened his empty trunk and rambled mournfully,
"I'll pack up, I'll get my things, you don't have to fret, I'll be out by the morning... I'll clean, I'll tidy up and I've pretty well mastered the scourgify spell. It's a good one to know for people like me. I'll disinfect surfaces where I've touched around here wherever you prefer, I, I, know it must utterly disgust you to have shared such close quarters with, with a..."
Remus's voice trailed off when he noticed the others were silent. There was a curious movement out of his peripheral vision. He turned around slowly to check where they had moved in the room.
Sirius, James, and Peter were all three standing with their arms folded, wands in their hands and blocking the exit door with smirks on their faces. At first Remus remembered his recent nightmare where they were standing with Dumbledore disgusted on the other side of a table in the Great Hall pointing their wands at him. He shook in fright when Sirius raised his wand. Remus held up both hands in surrender and squeezed his eyes shut. However, Sirius was not aiming for Remus at all.
"Colloportus!" Sirius said with a swish of his wand pointing it at the empty chest cracked open at the end of Remus's four poster bed. One side of the chest slammed shut onto the other side and locked itself. *Click*
Sirius stated, "Whoah-whoah-whoah. You're not going anywhere, Remus."
James agreed saying, "Yes, mate, none of us ever said anything about wanting you to go. You're not getting rid of us that fast."
Peter assured him, "W-w-we are still your mates, Remus."
Remus was speechless absorbing their words with his mouth slightly dropped open. He stared quietly at them feeling utterly astonished at their reaction.
James continued, "Merlin, we don't care that you're a werewolf, Remus, we just wanted you to know that we know. You don't have to hide it from us any longer."
Relief began to wash over Remus's face as their kind words consoled him. An involuntary laugh escaped his mouth and he exhaled a big breath. For so long he had convinced himself that as soon as they knew... the friendships would be over. Likewise he had persuaded himself that his entire Hogwarts schooling opportunity would come to an abrupt end as well.
"Really? You mean it?" Remus breathed dubiously.
The three of them nodded with certainty back at him.
Sirius said speaking somewhat in a singsong voice,
"We absolutely mean it, Remus, and your secret about the moon-moon-MOOoooon, moony boy, will be kept hidden with us, too. Hey, 'Moony' that might make a good nickname for you. I like that. " He winked at him with a playful grin.
Remus felt the corners of his mouth raise upwards. He took a couple of deep breaths and finally started to believe them. He said in a heartfelt manner,
"Thank you."
He plopped wearily down on the floor and leaned against his bedpost still staring at them in amazement. They were actually okay and accepting of his lycanthropy. It almost felt too good to be true. But he was mostly thrilled and so grateful.
Remus wrung his hands together and explained, "I, I, thought for sure it was all over. I thought you'd never forgive me and you'd want a monstrosity like me to get out of here right away."
Peter, Sirius and James walked away from the doorway and reached down towards Remus on the floor. They each patted Remus on the back and then sat close by him on the floor.
"You thought wrong, mate," Sirius said.
"You're not a monstrosity to us," James reassured him.
"Yeah. We don't c-c-care," Peter added.
"You're amazing, each one of you, truly. I, I very much appreciate it, I didn't expect this, you're amazing mates," Remus told them smiling with a few tears of happiness now streaming down his cheeks.
James reassured him with a hint of arrogance, "We had to let you know we knew so you can save your energy not worrying as much around us each month. Hhm, I guess I am pretty amazing looking out for you that way, huh?"
Sirius scratched his head and stated, "Yeah, well, it really was James that first connected the dots and figured it out. When he first mentioned it, I thought he had gone completely crackers. But then it started making sense.
Blimey, Remus, I gotta know... how many years has it been since you were bitten?"
Remus sniffed his drippy nose from crying. He dotted his eyes with a handkerchief he had taken out from inside his robe.
Then he looked down and answered softly, "It was... eight years ago. I was only four years old when I was bitten."
The three of them gasped and got wide eyed.
"Bloody Hell, Remus. That's so young!" Sirius exhaled.
"B-Blimey O'Reilly," Peter muttered. He clenched his teeth and squinted his eyes cringing at the disturbing thought of a werewolf sinking its teeth into such a small child.
"Fuck, that's so messed up," James added shaking his head.
Remus shrugged his shoulders and replied, "I hardly remember what life was like before having lycanthropy."
"I want to hear the story of how it happened. That is, if... if you don't mind sharing," Sirius said hesitantly.
"M-me too," said Peter.
Remus gave them a half smile and said, "I don't mind. It's alright. I'll tell you."
He continued to 'spill the potion' telling them the story of being bitten including his father's involvement at the ministry with Fenrir Greyback and the resulting revenge.
They listened completely captivated late into the night. He also shared the story of Dumbledore's unexpected involvement with him; how he had been so mercifully accommodated with his ailments thus far; and how the Whomping Willow and Shrieking Shack were all established on his behalf.
They each swore to secrecy to protect him. Remus was absolutely thrilled and relieved at their surprisingly supportive response to it all.
"Merlin's beard! Ha! So that's the real reason the Whomping Willow got planted this year. I knew there was more to it!" Sirius said jumping up and running to the window to try and take a peek at it.
"Please don't say anything to anyone. I promised Dumbledore I wouldn't say anything," Remus pleaded again with his eyes darting around nervously like he was checking if someone else was in the room eavesdropping.
Sirius replied, "Yeah-yeah, Moony, I already swore to you I wouldn't tell a soul outside this room. I promise."
Suddenly, James's stomach growled. He put one hand on his stomach and asked, "Ugh. You know what that means? Supper was a long time ago. You mates up for sneaking down to the kitchens under my invisibility cloak?"
Soon the four of them were huddled under James's invisibility cloak and making their their way through the Gryffindor common room until they all froze when the Prefect walked in. The Prefect sat on an arm chair, yawned and then flicked his wand at the fireplace muttering Incendio. It caused a jet of flames to actively light up what was just a small smoldering pile of charcoal. He yawned and began reading a book tucked under his arm.
"Wah, what now?" Peter whispered.
Sirius glowered at him and a quickly put his hand over his mouth. Remus held up one finger gesturing to him to urgently to be silent.
The Prefect looked up from his book and his face contracted into a suspicious frown. The four of them held their breath for a moment.
Thankfully, the prefect didn't see them. He scratched a spot behind his ear and looked back down at his book continuing to read. Then the four snuck through the passageway tunnel to the exit of the portrait hole. They all let out some louder exhales of relief they didn't get caught. They also let out a few giggles now that they were safely outside on the landing by the fat lady portrait. The fat lady had been sleeping but now began to stir upon the noises coming from beneath the cloak.
"Whoever is there, do hush up," she stated in annoyance. She fluffed a velvety pink pillow in the painting, turned her back to them and settled her head back down upon the pillow.
They crept quietly down down down the stairways. The kitchens were built directly underneath the Great Hall but to access it they went through a door in the entrance hall that took them down a staircase leading to the Hufflepuff basement.
When they got to the base of the stairs, there was dimmed lights in a large stone basement corridor. The walls were adorned with numerous food themed still life paintings. However, some of the paintings if you looked closer were not so still. Some had swirling steam coming out of cups of tea or rising steam from loaves of fresh baked breads on wooden tables. Remus's favorite was a painting that included a slice being cut out of an elegant frosted three layered chocolate cake. It always made his mouth water.
James pulled off the invisibility cloak from them as nobody seemed to be around in the corridor. It felt good to stretch their bodies upright after hunching over. He glanced around at the paintings and asked,
"I think I might need to see about getting some specs. I can't rightly see which painting it is. Do you remember, Sirius?"
"Yes, of course. You tickle the pear over on this one with the bowl of fruit," he answered reaching out his hand to it.
Remus remarked to James, "The lighting is a bit dimmed at this early hour of the day, so it's harder to see."
The pear in the painting started to audibly giggle as Sirius tickled it. Then the pear morphed into a large green door to the Hogwarts kitchens. Once the door finished the transformation; a cacophony of sounds immediately drifted through the frame edges; pots and pans clattered about by house-elves on the other side.
"Mmmm, I smell b-brekky!" Peter commented.
"Cheers to Helga Hufflepuff for sparing the house-elves from abusive homes and creating all those delicious recipes," Remus stated thoughtfully.
Admittedly, it was not their first visit to the Hogwarts kitchens. They had quickly figured out that it was a better strategy to approach the house-elves in full view rather than start a chain reaction of spooked panic amongst them if they were invisible snatching food.
As long as they turned on their very best charm and manners, the house-elves instantly became more than happy to provide food for them. Remus proved to be particularly good at showing them the utmost curtesy so the job of asking typically fell on him in that regard.
As they entered into the kitchen, Sirius tugged on Remus's sleeve and said light-heartedly,
"You know, the real reason we think it's worth keeping you around is because you're so clever at sweet-talking the house-elves into giving us food."
Remus grinned and replied facetiously, "Ah okay, so we're both confessing secrets tonight. I see how it is. Glad I can make myself useful."
The Hogwarts kitchen was buzzing with house-elves already preparing a huge production of many breakfast foods for the day. There was identical tables lined up precisely to coordinate with the same table arrangement in the Great Hall. They were magically linked so the meals were transferred back and forth.
Somehow, Remus had really charmed one specific house-elf named, Smudge. Whenever the four of them snuck into the kitchen, Smudge noticed and came running. He had round, droopy, donkey-like ears and a long pointed nose.
"Greetings Smudge, as always it's a great pleasure to see you again. The kitchen smells absolutely delightful at this early hour. Thank you for your tireless work here for us students," Remus said when Smudge came near to him.
"Smudge is honored to see Remus Lupin again, sir, and prepare meals for Hogwarts students. Can Smudge be of service to Remus or others, sir?" he answered humbly with his head slightly bowed. The house-elf glanced quickly around at the four of them with big, round yellowish green eyes.
"Yes, please," Remus told him, "We are in dire need of some snacks as we found ourselves with our bellies growling with hunger pains."
Smudge gasped threw himself down and started banging his head on the stone floor. He lamented,
"Smudge has failed to provide adequate food for Hogwarts students."
Another house-elf walking hurriedly by Smudge carrying a precariously stacked tower of empty bowls. It just rolled its big eyes at him in annoyance.
Remus quickly squat down next to Smudge and gently pulled his shoulders upward. He coaxed the house-elf saying,
"Smudge, stop that. Please. It's not your fault. Stop now. We had plenty of dinner earlier and it was lovely. Belly growls just happen sometimes, especially if we're up late. Smudge."
Smudge stopped and pulled up his baggy grey sack he was wearing to wipe his nose and tearful face. He said,
"Smudge would be, *sniff* glad to provide snacks for Remus Lupin and his mates."
"There there, you've done nothing wrong. We'd be most pleased and delighted to be served snacks from you, Smudge," Remus told him while reaching in his robe pockets for a handkerchief. He realized the one he had was still wet and rather used up from his own weeping earlier. But he offered it to Smudge anyway.
Smudge took Remus's crumpled, damp handkerchief and wiping his huge, glassy round eyes, he said, "Thank you, Remus Lupin is the most kind wizard Smudge has ever known, Smudge shall return shortly with snacks."
Smudge darted away. Remus watched him go with a somewhat remorseful, troubled expression.
Then he said, "Poor Smudge, I didn't mean to cause him so much distress. Our family never had a house-elf. Perhaps I'm less useful at this than I thought."
James nudged him and said, "Oh forget about it, Remus. My family had house-elves for as long as I can remember and if I had a galleon for every time it banged its own head punishing itself, I'd have the richest vault in Gringotts like the Black family."
Sirius rolled his eyes and said, "Ugh! Please, don't even mention that, James. Remus, it's true, though. Our house elves always conducted themselves in the most self-deprecating manner my whole life, too. It's just in their nature. You did fine. He's still getting us snacks, right?"
Remus nodded. Peter was mostly zoned out of their conversation, wringing his hands and occasionally licking his lips watching the different foods get piled onto the tables. He understood enough of the communicative exchange to comment,
"I hope he b-brings us some of that b-b-back bacon."
Smudge soon returned and held up a large metal platter stacked high with items from a traditional British fry up breakfast; buttered toast, fried eggs, back bacon, kippers, sliced tomatoes, were arranged neatly on it. The boys made breakfast sandwiches and stuffed them in their pockets until they were nearly bursting.
"Aw, thanks Smudge, you're a star house-elf here, you know that?" Sirius told him.
James said, "Cheers, Smudge."
"Nice one. Ch-cheers," Peter added.
Remus bent down and gave him a gentle pat on his shoulder. Then he told him earnestly, "We really appreciate you, Smudge. You're a lifesaver!"
Smudge began to blush and a silly grin spread across his face.
"We should go, mates, before that Prefect that we saw awake checks our room," James stated and then took a huge bite of one of his brekky sandwiches.
They huddled once again under James's cloak and made their way up towards the Gryffindor landing. However, before reaching the fat lady painting who was snoring loudly, they paused when they heard a distinct cat MEOW.
Filch's cat, Mrs. Norris, had picked up on the scent of their food stuffed pockets under the cloak somewhere along the way. Each of them held their breath as her bulging, yellow, lamp-like eyes scanned the area around them.
"What is it, Mrs.Norris?"
Filch called out in the distance. She meowed again. They heard his footsteps coming. They had to do something.
Remus reached into his pocket and pulled out his sandwich. He hurriedly picked out a kipper. Then he lifted an edge of the cloak and threw the kipper as far as he could from them.
Mrs. Norris saw the kipper suddenly fly through the air and immediately chased after it.
"Quick! Say the password," Remus whispered. They hustled over to the snoring fat lady who still had her back turned to them.
James tapped urgently on the picture frame and stated,
"Haggis, Neeps and Tatties!"
The fat lady turned over with a sleepy scowl and mumbled with irritation, "Oh alright. For Merlin's sake it's a ridiculous hour."
The picture then swung backward so they could enter through the portrait hole and they scrambled in. Once they were crawling through the tunnel, Sirius nudged Remus and whispered,
"Cheers, Moony. Nice one with the kipper. See? I told you that you're worth keeping around."
"Sssh! Don't thank me yet until we're back safe in our room," Remus whispered back.
When they entered the common room the fireplace was burning and the Prefect was still there. Fortunately, the Prefect had fallen asleep in the chair reading. His face was pressed into one side of his open book. A drip of drool hung over the corner of his mouth and was beginning to turn black from the ink on the page.
They tiptoed up the spiral staircase and safely made it back into their room. Each of them collapsed onto their beds and breathed some sighs of relief. Then they emptied their stuffed pockets; jokingly rehashed their little adventure while munching on their sandwiches.
Remus was the first to fall asleep with an enormous, peaceful grin stuck on his face.