"Don't go, Mum. Don't. I can't go on without you. I just can't. I need you. Please, my precious, dearest mummy, no. Please don't leave me."
Remus firmly held the frail hand of his perishing mother about to slip away in her bed at home. Though they all knew this was coming, he would never be ready for it. It was truly one of the worst moments of his life. His heart was racing in anxiety and his words of desperation were futile in her final moments. Remus wondered how his heart could be be beating so rapidly when it felt utterly crushed inside of him.
He couldn't picture life without her. She couldn't go. She was too young. Lyall needed her. They didn't get enough time together. He was only a teenager. She was his constant in his life. Through the ups and downs of his affliction she had been there to support him. She always knew how to comfort him, encourage him, and cheer him on. She just couldn't be gone.
He had barely made it home in time from Hogwarts since the dreaded owl post arrived. Thankfully he at least had the moral support of one of his mates during this dark chapter. Sirius had jumped on the opportunity to redeem himself and obtained special permission to fly him home as an escort on the fastest broomstick available at Hogwarts; a convenient benefit of his family's wealthy status. Sirius now waited respectfully outside the bedroom door. He started to pace the hallway restlessly in a canine manner.
Hope simply lay there in the bed weakly gasping for air. The cancer had caused her to wither away to a nearly unrecognizable state of herself that would be burned painfully into Remus memory for the rest of his days. It was not unlike some disturbing photographs he had seen in his Muggle Studies class of concentration camp prisoners during their Second Muggle World War.
Lyall was at the other side of the bed softly stroking what was left of her hair. His eyes were filled with both terror and heartbreak. A steady stream of silent tears dripped from his cheeks.
He decided not to shake his head nor tell his son that his desperate pleas were useless. How could he…when the same type of desperate pleas had filled his heart daily. It was clearly part of the grief journey their hearts wished they didn't have to experience with her. She was fading fast. Her eyes seem to waver in and out of consciousness.
Remus gently placed his forehead close to her forehead. He whispered,
"I love you, Mum. I love you more than words can even say, Mum. You can't leave me. Please don't leave me. How will I go on without you?"
Hope whispered back to him between breaths.
"I'm so… proud…of you. I love…you to the sun…and back..forever.. my son. You'll.. be… fine…it's time… for me to.. to go."
Remus felt his chin quiver uncontrollably and he whimpered shakily, "No."
Lyall leaned in close to her face and kissed her pale cheeks.
"Goodbye my sweet Hope née Howell Lupin, I love you more than life itself. I'll forever be grateful for that boggart that brought us together so many years ago. Thank you, love, for everything. You've fought so hard, darling. We'll be okay. Let go, my love. It's okay. Let go."
Hope managed a slight smile at the mention of the boggart. She effortfully spoke her last words to her husband, "Goodbye… my dearest… Lyall. Thank …you. You were… my… every… everything."
Hope's eyes became very distant. Her breaths slowed to unnatural long pauses in between. Her body slightly shook as systems fought the inevitable shut down. Lyall crumpled next to her in the bed and held her tightly as her last bit of life slipped away.
Suddenly, Remus gasped in remembrance of something Dumbledore had given him in parting with Sirius at Hogwarts. He dropped her limp hand and quickly began fumbling through his pockets under his cloak. His hands were shaking as he pulled out a tiny flask.
He uncorked the small flask and poured drops of a clear liquid over both her eyes. Lyall sat up immediately and gave him a confused frown in response. Remus gazed back at his questioning father and said,
"Phoenix tears."
They both looked down at Hope. She blinked and seemed to be be momentarily more cognizant.
She reached up and cupped her hand around the side of her son's face. She smiled at him. In a strangely strong, clear voice, she said, "Goodbye my brave, dear son. I will always be with you. Don't worry. You will be alright and go on to become a great wizard like your father. Remember always, you have nothing to be ashamed of, my dear son. I love you."
Then she reached up and touched her husbands face the same. She told him with her smile fading to a more serious expression, "Lyall, my love, I don't know how I know this but these darker times are going to become much worse. You must be extra careful. Please. Remus will need you to stay alive. Promise me you'll use extra caution."
Lyall and Remus were struck speechless. They were baffled by her sudden, strong fluent speech to each of them. At her request Lyall stammered, "Um, I, yes, of course. I promise, my love."
She smiled lovingly one last time at both of them. Then she shut her eyelids and she was gone.