10

Bella sat in the middle of her bed, the papers she had found in Carlisle's belongings spread around her, his laptop perched on her legs. Staring at the blank screen, she kept trying to figure out his password. She had already tried his birthday, her birthday, their anniversary but found herself locked out for four more minutes. She wasn't sure what she was trying to do: uncover his secrets, help Esme Platt, get validation that at least part of him had still loved her, had needed her as much as she had loved and needed him.

The timer on her phone went off, and she silenced it, but before she could try another password, someone knocked on her bedroom door. She closed her eyes, pushing back her irritation as she said, "Not now, Dad. Trying to take a nap."

But he knocked again, so she pushed the laptop off her lap and scrambled off the bed and over to the door, yanking it open and expecting to find Charlie Swan standing there.

But he wasn't. Instead, she found Jasper.

"What do you want, Jay?"

"I need your help."

"My help?"

Jasper nodded.

"What kind of help? I'm busy."

"It's almost Alice's birthday, and I need your help picking out a gift from the girls, of course. I mean, I know what to get her from me. Jewelry, but Cassie and Millie, on the other hand, think Barbie Dolls are the perfect gift."

Bella smiled. "You want me to help you buy Alice a present from the girls?"

"When you say it like that, it sounds lame."

She gave him a look.

"Please, Izzy. Pretty please with whipped cream and cherries on top."

Bella sighed. "What are you thinking?"

"I was thinking we could go to the mall."

"The mall?" she groaned, turning and leaning against the door, her hands coming down onto the small but notable baby bump between her hips. "Do we have to?"

"Unless you have a better idea?"

"Fine, give me a few minutes to change."

"Five minutes, Izzy. I mean it, five minutes."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

Jasper gave her another look before he turned and hurried downstairs. Bella closed her bedroom door and looked back at Carlisle's laptop. With a shake of her head, she pushed away from the door and started striping off her sweatpants and the holey T-shirt she had been wearing for three days, ever since she came back from Minneapolis. And for three days, she had been trying to figure out how to help Esme Platt, how to help Esme without her figuring out who was helping her, actually. She couldn't sit back and let her suffer just because her husband had died and hadn't bothered telling anyone how to help her. This 'foundation' was the key, but what the foundation was and how it operated was something she knew nothing about.

"Izzy, move your ass! Time is money."

Bella rolled her eyes and pulled a pair of leggings out of her dresser, slipping them over her belly before grabbing a T-shirt — one of his again — and adding a pair of black Hey Dudes. She grabbed her phone off her bed, her purse from next to the door, and her keys off the dresser and hurried downstairs, finding Jasper standing next to the front door. He glared at her, which she was starting to get used to, before he reached behind him and opened the door, motioning for her to go first. She shivered, wrapping her arms around herself.

"It's gotten colder," Jasper said, wrapping her jacket around her shoulders. "Cold front came through last night. Guess you didn't notice."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Twenty minutes later, they were walking inside Woodbury Mall. It wasn't a great mall, not compared to those in bigger cities where you could go ice skating, climb a rock wall, or even spend the day getting a full body massage while sipping on fruity little drinks with paper umbrellas. No, this was a small one with boring shops, but it was better than nothing. They stopped inside three different novelty stores before they grabbed a pretzel and an Icee and settled on one of the benches in the middle of the mall. Jasper leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees as he picked at his pretzel.

"I thought Alice's birthday wasn't until April."

"It is." He cleared his throat. "Did I say her birthday? I meant Christmas."

"Christmas? It's barely the middle of October."

"I don't like being rushed. Crowds, you know?"

Bella nodded, crossing her legs at the knee, her hand resting on her stomach. "The mall seems like the kind of place to go if you don't like crowds."

Jasper laughed, looking back at her. "Fine, I lied. Happy now."

"Dad told you to get me out of the house, didn't he?"

He winced and nodded. "Don't be mad at him. He's just worried."

"I'm not mad."

"You're not?"

Bella shook her head. "I'm a mess, Jay. I know it. I just . . ." She sighed. "He was lying to me."

"Who? Carlisle?"

She nodded. "When I was cleaning out our apartment, I found a secret bank account containing a lot of money. We weren't struggling by any means, but we were careful with our spending. We didn't make expensive purchases without talking to each other first. We washed Ziploc bags, for fucks sake, because why spend two dollars on a new box when they were perfectly reusable. And then he died, and I found an account with more money than we'd made in five years together."

"Holy shit."

"Yeah, holy shit is kind of what I said." Bella stood and walked over to the trash can, throwing her half-eaten pretzel away. She placed her hand on her stomach as she turned back to Jasper. "I don't . . . don't think he loved me anymore."

"What?" he asked, standing. "No, no, I don't believe that."

"I think he'd fallen out of love with me," she whimpered, and when he reached for her, she put her hands up. "Please don't touch me right now."

"Okay. I'm sorry."

Bella inhaled a deep breath through her nose, exhaling slowly through her lips. "No, I'm sorry, Jay. I . . ." She shook her head as tears flooded her eyes. "I just . . . I don't know. For ten years, I thought we were happy. It wasn't always easy, but it never is, right? I mean, you and Alice have had hard times, haven't you?"

"Yeah, I mean, we've had our fair share of fights and disagreements, but at the end of the day, we know those fights and disagreements don't mean shit, Izzy."

"But they meant something to him," Bella whimpered, and even though she put her hands up to stop him, Jasper had her in his arms in a heartbeat. "He was supposed to love me forever, Jay. He promised to always love me. He fucking promised."

"I know, Izzy," he whispered, placing his hand on the back of her head. His lips pressed against her temple. "I'm sorry, Iz; I'm so sorry."

Though she let her brother hold her, let him try to soothe away the hopelessness inside her heart, the only person who could do that, who could make her feel better, was dead.

—RtW—

Later that night, Bella found herself seated on her bed. But this time, instead of trying to hack into Carlisle's laptop, she had her knees pulled up to her chest and was scrolling through the web browser on her phone. No, not scrolling. Stalking. She was stalking Esme Platt again. Her social media accounts didn't reflect who Esme really was, she thought. Her Instagram was filled with photographs of her and Garrett, her and her mother, them with his family, and their friends. They were laughing and smiling. They were happy, and she found herself envious of them.

Once upon a time, she thought she and Carlisle were happy. They'd laughed and smiled and made love all night. He'd hover over her, his eyes not leaving hers as they moved together. He'd grip her hips as she was on top. He'd press her against the wall in the shower, his hands tight on her thighs as he held her, as he loved her, as he needed her.

When did it change for him? When he did stop wanting to be with her? A year ago, he had spent entire evening talking about her to Emmett, yet he told the guys he worked with that she was bitchy, that she complained all the time. Was he lying to Emmett when he said he was proud of her? Was he lying to the guys he worked with? Who was the real Carlisle Cullen?

"Izzy, honey, can I come in?"

Sighing, she closed the web browser on her phone and dropped it on the bed before saying, "Yes."

The door to her room opened, and Charlie leaned against the wooden framework. He crossed his arms in front of him, the sleeves of his white dress shirt pulling upward. On his wrist was a gold watch. She and Carlisle had bought it for him, having it delivered five years ago to celebrate his twenty-fifth anniversary at Woodbury High School. They'd had a big party, but once again, Bella refused to return. She had a rehearsal, she told him; a big performance. And it wasn't a lie, but the director would have given her a few days off; would have allowed her to go home if she had asked, but Bella simply said no.

She always said no.

"I don't know how to help you, Iz. I don't." Charlie shook his head before he walked over and sat on the side of her bed, leaning forward and placing his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands together. "When you were little, it was easy. Just call Jake or Carlisle, and they'd come to drag you out of here, make you go downstairs and out doing only God knows what."

Bella laughed softly. "Something stupid, something dangerous."

"Something stupid and dangerous," he agreed, tilting his head to the side and looking at her. "But Jake and Carlisle aren't here, Izzy. They aren't here to drag you out of this room. So tell me, how do I help?"

Bella shrugged her shoulders, her eyes burning with tears. "I don't know," she whimpered. "I don't know, Dad. I just . . . I feel so lost and so alone right now."

"You're not, though. You're not alone, Izzy." Charlie turned and reached for her hand, but she pulled away. "Why won't you let me help?"

"You can't, Dad," she cried, tightening her arms around her knees. "It wasn't supposed to be like this for me, for us. He was supposed to be here, holding me." Bella dropped her hands, placing her palms on her stomach. "Did she love me, Dad? Mom, I mean. Did she love me?"

"Of course she did." Charlie scooted closer to her. "Your mom did the best she could, Izzy. She just wanted more than I could give her. But she loved you, and she loved Jay so much. So very much."

"But she left," Bella cried. "She walked out of this house and left me. And Jake got into that car, knowing he'd been drinking, knowing he'd been smoking pot, and he died. And Carlisle . . . and Carlisle left me, too. So tell me again how they loved me, Dad when they all left me alone."

Charlie frowned. "I'm here, Izzy. I'm here, and Jay's here. Alice, Cassie, Millie, they're all here. We didn't leave you."

"No, I left you, didn't I? I left and never came back. I guess that makes me like them."

And picking up her phone, she turned her attention to Esme Platt's Instagram account, ignoring her father when he reached over and placed his hand on her knee or when he stood, walked out of her bedroom, and closed the door behind him.

—RtW—

Feeling claustrophobic, Bella slipped out of the house. It was cold as she started her car, turned on the heater, and shifted into reverse as she pulled out of the driveway. She hadn't slept; she felt anxious, uneasy, and scared. So scared, and she didn't understand why. Suddenly, she got out of bed, pulled on one of his NYPD sweatshirts, and left the house.

She didn't even realize where she was going until she found herself parked outside the Oasis. The parking lot was empty, with the exception of Edward's Jeep. Closing her eyes for a moment, she climbed out of the car and headed to the front door, pulling it open. She was engulfed in warm air as she stepped inside, soft music playing from the jukebox, and she saw Edward seated at the bar.

"We're closed," he hollered, shifting his eyes to her and then back at the bar, then immediately back at her. "Izzy, what are you doing here? It's three in the morning."

"I . . ." Bella shook her head. "I don't know. I started driving and found myself parked outside. I'll leave."

"No, don't!" he exclaimed, and when she looked back, he was standing next to the bar. "Please, don't leave."

She nodded. "Were you busy tonight?"

"No, Wednesdays are slow. Thursday, Friday, Saturday are our busy nights."

"And you work here alone?"

"No, I have a couple of bartenders who work part-time, and you remember Angela Weber?"

Bella nodded.

"She waits tables for me a few days a week. Her husband, Ben, works behind the bar. It gives them some cash. When people tip, at least."

"She was always nice."

Edward laughed. "She was. Still is, actually." He gestured toward the bar. "Do you want some water?"

"Sure."

Bella went over and sat on a stool while Edward walked around the bar and pulled out two bottles of water, placing one in front of her and the other where he had just been sitting. He knelt and opened a small refrigerator, pulling out two slices of strawberry cheesecake. Giving her a sly smile, he placed one in front of her and the other next to his water before tossing her a plastic fork.

"Eat it, you'll like it."

"Who made it?"

"I did."

Bella raised an eyebrow. "You made it?"

He grinned. "I did. Why does that surprise you?"

"Have you met you? Last time I checked, you couldn't make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich."

"That's entirely and completely fair," he admitted. "But I learned; kind of had to learn how to take care of myself, Izzy."

She picked up the plastic fork and cut off a small piece. Shifting her eyes to him, she brought it to her mouth; a moan slipped from her lips before she could stop it, causing Edward to almost fall off his stool as he fell back against the bar and laughed.

"Jesus Christ, Edward, this is fucking delicious!"

"I told you," he snickered, taking another bite.

"If you can bake like this, why are you running a bar?"

He frowned. "Baking is a hobby. The bar is my passion. I feel at home here."

Bella hummed before she cut off another piece.

"Not home because I want to drink. Home because when I look around, I see you and Carlisle, Jake, Emmett, and Ro. This was our home for a long time, Iz, and it just feels right."

"I suppose I understand that."

"How have you been feeling?"

Bella sighed. "Pregnancy-wise, I feel good. Not nauseous anymore. A little tired, but it's not too bad."

"And non-pregnancy wise, how have you been?"

"Not great," she admitted, picking up her water. She twisted the lid off and took a drink before saying, "I talked to her."

"Her as in Esme?"

Bella nodded.

"What'd you tell her?"

"I didn't tell her about you or Carlisle if that's what you're asking."

Edward released a heavy breath. "Thank you."

"She works part-time at this little café in the city, so I went to visit her. She has a boyfriend. His name is Garrett. He works with her."

"I know."

"You do?"

"You think I haven't learned as much as I could about her, Iz? She's my sister."

"Why haven't you told her who you are?"

"I told you why."

"You think she's better off without you, without knowing she has a brother out there?"

Edward nodded.

"You don't think that's something she should get to decide."

"Probably, but I already lost him. I don't know that I could survive losing her if she decided she didn't want anything to do with me. At least this way, I still have a little piece of family left." Edward placed his fork on the bar. "Are you going to tell her?"

"I don't know that I should, but at the same time, he was paying her rent, Edward. He never told me about her. For five years, he kept her a secret. What else did he keep from me?"

"Well, as far as I know, there aren't any more brothers or sisters out there, but then again, Dad was an ass."

Bella laughed. "Yes, he was." She stood. "I should probably go."

"You don't have to."

"I think I do." Bella turned and walked to the door before she stopped and looked back at him. "How do you keep getting into my bedroom?"

Edward threw his head back and laughed before standing and shoving his hands into his faded denim jeans pockets. "Carlisle told me how he used to sneak into your room."

"You climbed the lattice outside my window with a vase with sunflowers your hand?"

Edward nodded.

"And you don't think that's stupid?"

He shook his head.

"How'd you know the window would be unlocked?"

"I didn't, but you were the risk, Izzy. You've always been worth the risk."

Unsure how to respond, Bella simply pulled the door open and walked out, wrapping her arms around herself as she got back into her car. When she shoved her keys into the ignition, she saw Edward watching her from the doorway.

He thought she was worth the risk, while Carlisle had spent at least the last five years of their marriage being dishonest with her.

Thank you for all the AMAZING reviews! Thank you for Sunflower Fran for being my sounding board and cleaning up the messy chapters. See you next Wednesday!