17

Once again, Bella hadn't been able to sleep, though, this time, it had nothing to do with the soft snoring coming from the man lying in the bed next to her. Well, it wasn't only because of that.

His . . . admission the day before had her mind running a million miles an hour, and she hadn't been able to stop thinking about what he said, even though he hadn't come out and actually said the words. The implication was clear: Edward was in love with her.

Unable to take the dark silence any longer, Bella crept out of bed, scribbled a note letting him know where she was going, grabbed Carlisle's laptop, and slipped out of their room. She hugged the device against her chest as she took the elevator to the lobby, settling on one of the large, cushy sofas around the fireplace.

Taking a deep breath, she opened the laptop and logged in. Though terrified of what she was going to find, she double-clicked on the file labeled 'Personal Musings.' It was time for her to put her big girl panties on and stop letting fear get the best of her — for her and Little Bit.

There were dozens upon dozens of documents, each one dated. The first went back to just before they left Woodbury for New York, the day after Jake's accident. Her heart beat wildly against her ribs as she moved the curser over and double-clicked on the first entry.

He hurt her. I can't believe he hurt her. I should have stop him. I saw the look in his eyes, the one he always got after Dad laid into us. Dad had been on his ass hard because Mom had broken the window on the back door in a drunken rage, and we were supposed have stopped her. She hadn't made it painfully clear that we were the reason she drank. Edward and I had ruined her life, she said on more than a few occasions. She never touched us, not like Dad had, but she'd never said a nice word to us, either. Never said she loved us, never said she was sorry, never anything other than 'you ruined me for him.'

Like we'd asked to be born into that nightmare.

Dad blamed us, too. Mostly for her drinking. Like it was our job to keep her from guzzling a bottle of Vodka. If I could keep the people I loved from drinking or doing stupid shit, I would stop Edward. He doesn't even see how much his behavior hurts me, hurts Izzy. She tells me I'm being too hard on him that I need to be more understanding.

I want to; God, do I want to, but I see the way he watches her, the look of longing in his eyes. She wants to leave Woodbury. She wants me to take her to New York. I'm going to. I have to get her away from him so he can't hurt her again. He's my brother, and I can't trust him with her. God, he's my fucking brother. . .

Bella blew out a heavy breath, her eyes filled with tears. Carlisle had seen the way Edward felt about her, hadn't he? He had always told her Edward was dangerous, troubled, unpredictable, and he had been. Bella knew he had been, but he was also kind and gentle. The night of the accident, Edward had reached the car first, had pulled her out, and held her against him while they waited for the ambulance. Carlisle, Emmett, and Rosalie had been with Jacob, trying in vain to keep him alive, but Edward . . . Edward had been with her.

He'd whispered in her ear, "I'm sorry, Izzy. I'm so fucking sorry, Izzy. I'm sorry."

Over and over, he apologized, his arms holding her firmly against him. Even once the police and the paramedics arrived, when Carlisle rushed to her side, he still whispered how sorry he was. At the time, she hadn't cared. The pain from breaking her arm and watching Jacob dying in the seat next to her hardened her heart, her mind, she thought, and when Carlisle had reached to pull her out of Edward's arms, she'd been thankful for the rescue. But it had been Edward who had pulled her from the car, not Carlisle.

Closing her eyes for a moment, she clicked on the next entry, this one timestamped a week after they arrived in New York, the day after they got married. She had been the one to suggest they should just go to city hall. Carlisle had proposed a month before they graduated high school, though nobody knew, not even Rosalie or Edward. It had been their secret, just theirs. Carlisle worried she would regret not having her father and brother with them; that they were her family and she should think of their feelings. She hadn't, though. Just like when they climbed into his car and left Woodbury for New York, she didn't think about how they would feel, how much her actions hurt them.

Charlie had been hurt when she called and told him that she and Carlisle had eloped. "Why wouldn't you let me be there for you? Why, Izzy? Just tell me why?"

Bella had sobbed and told him they had wanted something small and private, just them. And that wasn't a lie. Bella hadn't wanted a big, flashy wedding. She hadn't wanted to be the center of attention. All she had wanted was to tie her life to Carlisle and him alone.

She's mine now. In every possible way, Izzy is now mine. Standing in front of her, promising to love, honor, and cherish her for the rest of my life, I meant every single word. She smiled and blushed — the way she always smiles and blushes for me, just me. With the others, she's reserved and quiet, but not with me. When she's with me, she's loving and tender. I feel safe with her, wanted and needed. And now that she's mine, I don't have to worry about anyone trying to take her away from me. Especially my brother. After Jake died, after she got hurt, I knew I had to keep him away from her. Who knows what he would do if I didn't act quickly?Before we left Woodbury, I told him we were done with him, done with his bullshit. He begged me to give him a second chance, but how can I? He hurt her, and I can't let anyone hurt her ever again. I need her too damn much to take that chance.

The more she read, the more confused she felt. Most of his entries were about her, about how much he loved her, needed her. A few were about his days at the academy, about how it was harder than he thought it was going to be, but most of them were about her. How they settled into their first apartment, a dump with holes in the walls and no heat. The rent was cheap, and they spent a year there before they were able to move. But it had been their home, their first home together. The nights were cold, but they stayed wrapped in each other's arms.

At the time, she thought everything was perfect. Now, she wasn't so sure.

Adjusting her position on the sofa, she stopped at one dated almost six years ago. Bella chose that one and opened the document.

I have a sister. I can't believe I'm saying this. Her name is Esme, and she's my little sister. I thought it was bullshit when he told me about her, but all it took was a little digging to see it was true. Leave it to Dad to fuck up not just one family but two. He wants me to take care of her, to help her out. He said I owed him that much. Owed him? The man ruined mine and Edward's life, but somehow, he thinks I owe him my loyalty.

I told him go to hell, to leave me and Izzy alone, but the way he smiled when I said her name scared me. I'm not going to lie, it fucking scared me, because that was the look he'd get before he hit us. And that's when he told me I either take care of Esme, or he would make it his mission to take everything from me. And by everything I knew he meant Izzy.

She is everything to me, and I can't let him near her. I just . . . I've already lost Edward because of him, I can't lose Izzy, too. So I said yes. I don't know how I am going to afford it; it's not like I make a lot of money. And Izzy's been out with a high ankle sprain. Even though she still gets paid when she's out, we're barely keeping a roof over our heads as it is. Plus, she's been talking about wanting a baby, too. Should I tell her about Esme? Should I call Edward? Does he know we have a sister in Minneapolis? God, I don't know what to do. I have to keep Izzy safe, so I'll find a way — somehow.

Bella moved the laptop off her legs and onto the sofa before she stood, wrapping her arms around herself as she took a few steps and tried to gather her thoughts. If she had read his words correctly, and she was sure she had, his father had been the one to push Carlisle into paying for Esme's rent. The man had never lifted a finger to help Carlisle or Edward, even when they were little, there were times when they barely had food or clean clothes. Bella can remember Carlisle coming to school in fourth grade with pants so short his calves showed, and everyone made fun of him. Or, they did until Edward started fighting them. He got into trouble, both at school and at home, but after that, everyone knew better than to pick on Edward Cullen's little brother.

Bella had been so distraught over the incident that Charlie had bought both Carlisle and Edward winter coats, five pairs of jeans, and twice as many shirts and left them on their front porch when their parents weren't home. The next day, both came to school wearing their gifts. Knowing he would be embarrassed, Bella never told Carlisle who had left the clothes.

Carlisle had never told her that he'd spoken to his father after they left Woodbury, much less seen him in person. When? Why hadn't he told her? Was it all just to protect her? Or was he trying to keep her away from everyone, keep her for himself? Was Carlisle the controlling, monopolizing bastard Rosalie accused him of being?

"Izzy."

She turned, finding James Sinclair standing on the other side of the sofa. Unlike the day before, when he was wearing his uniform, this morning he was wearing a pair of jeans and a grey T-shirt with NYPD across the chest, and a black leather jacket.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm . . . No, I'm not," she admitted and sat again. "What are you doing here? How did you know I was staying here?"

James smiled and motioned to the couch, causing her to nod. He sat, balancing a manila folder on his knees. "I am a police officer. A rather good one, too." He gave her a pitiful smile. "How are you really doing, Izzy?"

"I . . ." Bella shook her head, picking up the laptop and placing it on her legs, placing her hand on top. "I don't know. Somedays are hard; others are harder. I feel lost and confused."

James nodded. "I'm sorry Paul and Liam made it harder for you. If it helps, I kicked their asses for it."

Her eyes widened. "No, you didn't, did you?"

"Well, not literally, but I chewed them up one side and down the other. And when Cap found what they had said to you, he gave them an ass chewing, too. Hell, so did everyone else."

"Why?"

"Why? Because . . . Hell, Izzy, it was a fucking lie. You know that, right?"

"Do I?"

"You should!"

"He did lie to me. That night, and who knows how many others, about having to work late because you were short-staffed."

James frowned. "I wish I knew why. I do, Izzy, but I don't. I just . . . I know he loved you. He loved you so much."

"Too much?" she asked, and when he shifted his eyes to her, she knew the answer. "That's what I thought."

"Not too much, too intensely perhaps. Carlisle . . . ." James shook his head. "Sometimes the way he talked about you, Izzy, it was . . . it was intimidating. I mean, I love my wife, Izzy. Vicki and the boys are my world, my everything, but when he talked about you, it made me feel like . . . like I wasn't a good enough husband, I guess."

Bella shook her head. "I don't know what to say. I just . . . I don't know, James, you call it intimidating, my friend Ro called it controlling. But to me, it was . . . it was just love. He loved me. I thought he loved me."

"Of course he loved you, Izzy; not saying his love was unhealthy, or anything like that. I'm going to put my one semester of psychology I took before I dropped out and signed up for the academy to use, so take it with a grain of salt, but I often wondered if his childhood affected him more than he wanted to admit."

"I didn't think he talked to anyone about that period of his life."

"He didn't have to, Izzy. I saw the look in his eyes every time we caught a child abuse case. I asked him once, and he just shook his head and simply said he was lucky he made out in one piece. That's when he told me about Edward."

Bella nodded. "Oh."

"I see the way he looks at you."

"Who?"

James scoffed. "Don't play dumb, Izzy."

"Edward . . . It wasn't easy for him, you know? I mean, Carlisle had it bad, but Edward . . . he took a lot of the abuse for him. And when it got to be too much, he lost his way. Instead of being there for him, we cut him out of our lives."

"Carlisle told me about the accident that killed your friend."

"He did?"

James nodded. "He said you had gotten hurt."

Bella rolled her eyes. "I tried to stop Jacob. I thought if I got in the car with him, he wouldn't do something stupid."

"Well, you were wrong."

"Yeah, I was wrong." Bella dragged her fingers over the top of the laptop. "Did . . . did he say anything about me . . . before he died?"

James frowned but nodded. "He said your name a lot. I don't think he realized I was the one who was there. He just . . . he just kept saying your name, and then he was gone."

Izzy covered her mouth with her fingers. "Why didn't you tell me this at the time?"

"You were already dealing with enough. I didn't want to add to it. And then you moved back to Woodbury, and I guess I thought maybe you were better off not knowing."

"He was a good man, wasn't he, James?"

"Yeah, Izzy, he was." He held out a manila envelope. "I found this in his desk. I was going to mail it to you, but I never got around to it. Anyway, I thought you might want it. I was going to leave it at the front desk. Wasn't expecting you to be up this early."

"Oh, thanks." She placed it on top of the laptop. "I mean it, James. Thank you for, I don't know, being honest with me, I guess. I appreciate it."

"You're welcome. If you ever need anything, Izzy, anything at all, please don't hesitate to call me, okay?"

"I won't."

"Promise?" he asked, standing.

"I promise."

Bella waited until he had left the hotel before she turned the manila envelope over, pried the back flap open, and slipped the contents out. Tears flooded her eyes, and her fingers trembled as she picked up the three photographs that had fallen out.

The first was a picture of her and Carlisle the county clerk had taken after they were married. He was wearing a black suit, and she was wearing a white sundress she had found at a local thrift store. He had his arm wrapped around her waist, and she was turned so that she faced him, her hand resting in the middle of his chest. They were babies, she thought. Young and stupid, convinced they were going to take the world by storm.

Bella placed the picture against her chest before picking up the second one. This one of her, Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie, Jacob, and Edward. It was taken the night of their senior prom. Well, after the prom. They'd barely made it an hour in before they got bored and decided to head to the Oasis instead. Edward met them there, and they spent the night dancing and laughing, playing pool, and throwing darts. Just before midnight, old man Banner made them gather in front of the jukebox, where he took their picture.

Adding that one to the others, she picked up the last. It was of Edward and Carlisle when they were little, maybe five or six years old. They were sitting on the front porch, their faces covered with chocolate ice cream, and Edward had his arm wrapped around Carlisle's shoulder. Both were smiling and if she closed her eyes, she could hear their carefree laughter.

Bella gathered the photos and placed them back inside the envelope before she hugged it and Carlisle's laptop against her chest and hurried to the elevator.

Whether she was ready or not, she and Edward needed to talk.

Thank you for all the AMAZING reviews! A special thank you to Sunflower Fran for everything she does to help me get these chapters in such shape. She's amazing, y'all!