18

Edward was in the bathroom when Bella entered their room. She placed the laptop and envelope on the desk before spinning the chair around and sitting, her hands automatically resting on her slight belly. She wasn't entirely sure what she was going to say to him. What do you say to someone who confessed they had been secretly in love with you for years while you were married to their brother?

A minute later, she heard the toilet flush and the water turn on, then off, and when the door opened, he stopped when he saw her. His eyes were filled with longing, a need she hadn't seen in almost four months.

Or longer.

Edward looked away. "Oh, hey."

"Hey," she murmured.

"Where were you? I woke up, and you were gone."

"I, um . . ." She shook her head before placing her hand on the laptop. "I just needed some time to, I don't know, process everything. I left you a note," she added, gesturing to it. "Guess you didn't see it."

Edward shook his head and sat on the couch, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry about?"

"I shouldn't have said anything yesterday."

Bella nodded. "Or maybe you should have told me sooner."

Edward scoffed.

"He knew, didn't he? Carlisle, I mean. He . . . he knew how you felt about me before we left Woodbury. That's why he agreed to come to New York with me."

"He did," Edward admitted. "After Jake . . . He called me reckless, stupid, and dangerous. Said sooner or later, I would hurt everyone who ever loved me because I was too wrapped up in myself to see how much I was hurting everyone, especially you. He wasn't wrong, of course. Then, he accused me of purposely causing the accident just to get close to you, which wasn't true, Izzy. I swear that wasn't true."

"I know."

His eyes widened. "You do?"

"Of course I do, Edward. Jake was your best friend. You never would have purposedly put him in danger just to get to me."

He frowned. "Carlisle never hid how disappointed he was in my behavior, but the accident, you breaking your arm, pushed him past the point of forgiveness. I don't blame him, either, Izzy. I was . . . I was stupid, reckless, and dangerous. I knew better. I fucking knew better, but I still . . . I saw you get in Jake's car. Instead of calling the race off, I said fuck it. And because I was high and drunk, Jake died, and I lost you and Carlisle."

Edward stood, shoving his hands into the pockets of his pajama pants. "Standing there while he told me I was no longer welcome in his life, in your life, I . . . I'd never considered what my addiction was going to cost me until it cost me everyone I loved. The day you and Carlisle left, he confronted me about my feelings for you. I tried to deny it, of course, but he said he'd suspected for a while . . . that I was . . . I am in love with you. He said he wouldn't let me ruin your life, too, and he would never let me take you away from him. You both left and I . . . I never saw you again. Not until I saw you leaving Dr. Black's office."

"I don't . . ." Bella shook her head. "I don't know what to say. I . . . You were my friend, Edward. I just never . . . I never thought of you like that."

"No, I know." Edward sat on the end of the bed, shifting so he was looking at her. "Look, I . . . I don't expect you to ever feel the same as me. I'm not . . . My feelings are my feelings, okay? I don't expect you to reciprocate anything. I just want my friend back, to be a part of Little Bit's life, and to be the brother Carlisle needed me to be."

"It's not that I don't care about you, Edward. I do feel something for you. You're the only person I can be honest with right now. Like really honest. But I . . . I've spent the last ten years relying on someone to take care of me, and I'm starting to realize it's . . . it's time I learned to take care of myself for a change. Me and Little Bit. I'm sorry, Edward. I just . . . I need some time to figure out what I'm feeling right now."

"Don't be sorry, Izzy." Edward walked to his suitcase and pulled out the plane tickets. He looked at her. "Your flight leaves in a few hours. I'll get mine changed to later this afternoon or tonight."

"You don't have to do that."

"Yes, I do." He laid the ticket on the bed. "I don't want to be another person who hurts you, Izzy. I love you too damn much to be that person again, so I'm going to get dressed, and then I'm going to leave. Just . . . All I'm asking is that you let me know when you get back to Woodbury. Just a text that you're okay so that I won't worry. Please?"

And without giving her a chance to stop him, Edward grabbed his bag and hurried into the bathroom. The door shut, and she found herself standing. She picked up the manila envelope and opened the back flap, taking out the picture of Carlisle and Edward.

The door to the bathroom opened, and Edward looked over at her again.

"You should have this."

"What is it?"

Bella walked to him, pressing the picture against his chest. She felt him inhale a deep breath as his hand covered hers. She took a step backward. "Maybe he was scared to let you back in, I don't know. But he kept this at his desk. James dropped it off this morning, and . . . I think Carlisle would want you to have it."

Edward turned the picture over, his lips curving into a fragile smile, his eyes filling with tears before choking out a thick, "Thank you" before opening the door and leaving.

—RtW—

Bella's flight landed back in Minneapolis at just after five that evening. When she left the plane, part of her hoped to find Edward waiting for her. But, of course, he wasn't there.

Instead, Emmett was there smiling while holding a sign with her name on it. She tried to return the sentiment, but when tears flooded her eyes and spilled down her face, he sighed and dropped the sign into the trash.

"Sorry. Thought it would be funny."

"It would be if I didn't fuck up everything in my life," she whimpered, placing her hand on her belly. "He asked you to pick me up, didn't he?"

Emmett nodded. "He called this morning. Didn't give me any details but said he wasn't making the flight with you and asked that I make sure you get back to Woodbury safely. Made me promise, actually. Is he okay? He's not using again, is he?"

"No, he's not okay, and no, he's not using. I guess going to New York with me wasn't the best idea after all."

Emmett hummed but didn't say anything.

"Where's Ro?"

"She wasn't sure you wanted to see her, so she stayed home with Jazzy."

She frowned.

"Hey, don't do that, Izzy. Ro and I know . . . things aren't easy for you right now. We just want to be there for you."

"I know, Em, I just . . . I don't know. I believed my life was good, like really good, and then Carlisle died, and now I don't know what to think."

"Well, how about we don't do much thinking right now?"

She nodded.

"Are you hungry? Because I'm starving."

"I should get home. When I left, I kind of fucked things up with my dad, and . . . I just need to go home. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, Izzy." Emmett wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against his chest. "We love you. Don't forget that."

"I won't," she cried.

Emmett kept his arm around her shoulder and grabbed her bag before leading her through the airport to where he'd parked his truck. He stowed her suitcase in the back seat before climbing behind the wheel. He cranked the engine, shifted into drive, and pulled away from the curb before reaching over and turning on the radio. Bella, however, looked out the window and wondered where Edward was. Somewhere safe, she hoped.

Forty-five minutes later, Emmett parked his jeep in front of Charlie's house. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she got out and pulled her bag from the backseat. She thanked Emmett again, promising to call Rosalie sooner rather than later. Then, closing the door, she turned and walked up the narrow pathway onto the porch and reached for the doorknob. But before she could touch it, the door opened, and she found herself face-to-face with Charlie.

He released a sigh of relief. "Izzy."

"Daddy," she sobbed, feeling him grip her arms and pull her into an embrace, one arm wrapping around her waist and the other hand resting against the back of her head. "I'm sorry, Daddy. I'm so sorry."

"Shh, Izzy. It's okay, honey. Everything is going to be okay."

—RtW—

Charlie insisted on carrying her bag to her room and placing it on the bed. Needing a minute to collect herself, she simply said, "I'm going to take a shower. I'll be down a bit."

Though she could see the worry in her father's eyes, he left her alone. Bella waited until he was gone before she slipped her phone out and sent Edward a text letting him know she'd made it back to Woodbury, just like he had asked. Then, placing it on her nightstand, she stripped off her clothes and showered. She changed into a pair of sweats and a T-shirt before checking her phone for a response from Edward, but there hadn't been one. When she got downstairs, Charlie stood in front of the living room window, two cups sitting on the coffee table — one purple and one black.

"Purple cup is yours."

"Oh, okay, thanks." Bella sat on the sofa, picking up her cup and taking a sip. "It's good."

Charlie smiled and looked at her. "It's crap coffee, Izzy. I can never get the ratio of grounds to water right."

"Okay, it's a little weak," she confessed. "I can brew a new pot if you want."

He shook his head before he sat next to her. "Did you get the answers you were looking for in New York?"

"Yes and no."

Charlie sighed. "Why didn't you tell me Carlisle had been keeping secrets from you, Izzy?"

"I don't know, Dad. It was humiliating enough to hear from people he worked with that he had been lying to me. I didn't want you to know how much he'd hurt me. You always talked about what a good man he was and how you were thankful he was taking care of me. And it wasn't until he died that I even realized that he was keeping secrets from me. I didn't know how to process any of it, and it's been overwhelming."

Charlie frowned. "I can't help you if you don't let me, Iz."

"You can't help me with this, Dad. I'm not saying that to hurt you, I'm not, but I . . . I have to figure out how to take care of myself for a change."

"What does that mean?" he asked. "Are you leaving again?"

"Dad."

"You are, aren't you?"

"I think I need to find my own place," she whispered.

"No, no, you don't, Izzy. You need to stay here, where I can take care of you."

"You can't, Dad." Bella placed her hands on her stomach. "I'm having a baby in four months. I can't . . . I can't keep letting other people hold me together. It's time for me to grow up and put myself and Little Bit first for a change."

"Little Bit?" he asked.

"Alice dubbed the baby Little Bit since I don't know if I'm having a boy or girl yet."

Charlie smiled. "Little Bit seems fitting." He wrapped his hand around hers. "I just . . . I lost ten years with you, Izzy. I don't want to lose any more time with you."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I should have . . . I shouldn't have pushed you away like I did, like we did. After Jake . . . Woodbury just stopped feeling like home."

"Did New York feel like home?"

"Carlisle felt like home," she said.

"But he lied to you. Isn't that what you said?"

She nodded.

"About a sister? And what? A secret bank account?"

"Yeah, it's . . . it's kind of a long story I'm still trying to piece together, but . . . He'd been paying her rent for five years, and he never told me. Not about her, not about the money. He kept telling me they were short-handed, and that's why he was working so much overtime, but I think he was working so much so he could take care of her."

Charlie nodded. "And he never told you about her?"

Bella shook her head.

"Wow."

"Yeah, wow is exactly what I said."

"I guess I just don't understand, Izzy. How can you just forgive him like that?"

"I haven't," she admitted. "I'm hurt and angry, but he was my husband, Dad. I remember him as the man who told me every day how beautiful I was and how thankful he was I chose him. But now I have all these people telling me he wasn't the man I spent the last ten years believing him to be, that he was controlling and possessive. But to me, he was just Carlisle. Just my Carlisle and I don't know how I am supposed to just get over him like he wasn't the most important person in my life for ten years."

Bella stood and walked to the bottom of the stairs before she looked at him. "I'm sorry that instead of letting you help me, I push you away. I . . . I do need you, Dad, I do, but I also need time to get my head on straight. For me, and Little Bit."

"I can give you time, Iz. Just don't forget how much I love you. How much Jay and I both love you."

"I love you, too, Dad."

Bella walked upstairs and into her bedroom, closing the door behind her. She closed her eyes for a minute before sitting on the side of the bed, picking up her phone, and checking for a text from Edward. Her breath caught in her chest when she saw the notification, but when she clicked on the message, all he had replied with was a simple thumbs-up emoji.

She stared at it for a minute and thought about calling, but instead, she closed the text and began searching online for a home of her own.

Thank you for all the AMAZING reviews! Bit shout out to Sunflower Fran for betaing this for me, and talking me off many ledges.