Robbing The Wrong House

by 6474131

An Anon robs the wrong house.

1. Robbing the Wrong House

A/N: This is something I wrote a while ago, only now occurred to me to post it here. Hope you enjoy. There's not separate chapters because I'm lazy. The tildes are where the breaks should probably be.

As a young Anon, my father once told me that Lilims are the scariest mamonos in existence. Sure, Manticores and Oomukade might scare the shit out of you at first, but soon after you'd grow used to it. Atlach-Nachas turn you into a spider, but you can turn back at will. Shoggoths might look scary, but would never dream of harming their beloved.

But Lilims… they're scary. Baphs were straightforward and cultish, but Lilims were unpredictable and that made them dangerous. They had enough power to reform continents, become as gods, and yet for the large part they were content with settling down quietly with some poor tribute given up so that they would be less prone to turning everyone into sex crazed maniacs.

Lilims fuck with the head. Not the way a Shog or a denizen of Wonderland does, but through manipulation. Wordplay and half truths were their true power, and they fully embraced their step above humanity. We're nothing more than convenient test subjects, semen machines, and labor.

I was a careful man. I made sure to case houses well, usually as a jogger through the neighborhood. Never in the same neighborhood twice, and sporadically as I could.

Robbing people wasn't easy, but it was dishonest and well paying work. I had no illusions about my vocation, although if I had one it would be that I stole only from the rich. Not like the poor had anything to take, anyway.

This one house stuck out to me as particularly easy in this community. While there was a gate encompassing it, the back had a hill right next to it that I could use to jump over it. Honestly, it's not that hard to get through barbed wire anyway, but it's the little things, you know?

With my target chosen, I waited until night on the hill next to the fence, watching as the lights inside went out one by one. I waited behind several large bushes just before the crest of the hill to make sure no one could see me from the sides or back.

There were the weirdos who stayed up at night, but generally in the richer communities everybody went right to bed, either going to sleep immediately or fucking their SO loudly enough that they wouldn't hear a visitor. I only waited a few minutes before readying myself.

Pulling down my mask, I set out into the brisk night. Although weirdly, I could swear the lights went out for a moment. And the moon wasn't usually supposed to blink out. It might have been the clouds hovering over it, but it was too drastic.

On any other day, I probably would have noped out then and there, but for some god forsaken reason I continued onwards.

Using the hill to get over the fence was just as easy as I thought it'd be, although now I had no easy way out. Then there was a short, but tense sprint to the house proper before I felt more at ease. Since the lights had gone out there was probably someone at home, but I wasn't 100% sure. I took a quick look through the glass door for any cameras, motion detectors and… there wasn't any.

Which was weird because I'd seen the neighboring houses flaunting their state of the art security system from the flags in their front yard. Another sign that I should've just left right then and there, and was too stupid to do so.

The sliding backdoor was unlocked (as it typically was), and I slid it closed behind me, taking a moment to get a feel for the base level noise of the house.

It was quiet. All I could hear was my own breathing. I couldn't even hear the cars outside.

I took a moment to take in the living room and kitchen. Rather tasteful furniture, actually. None of the stuck up new art paintings I normally saw, or anything that you'd usually find in rich people's houses. Not a single goddamn vase or weird sculpture that was definitely just an excuse for money laundering. The one or two pictures I could see were bathed in too much darkness for me to make out.

I nodded to myself. Whoever furnished the place, I approved of their taste.

Not enough to stop me from robbing them, but still.

Going upstairs was a bad idea until I waited longer, there was still the chance of a restless sleeper or a pet (not that I'd seen one from my initial casing. All it took was one pit bull for me to make very sure that it didn't happen a second time).

I touched nothing for the moment. More than once that had saved my ass when I made a mistake and someone heard me. A missing TV only makes the residents scared and unpredictable.

Speaking of which, the TV was top of the line, meaning that it was light and expensive. The perfect combination, although I'd need to think about how I wanted to get it to my car if I actually decided to take it.

I found a purse by the front door that I would need to check for valuables, but the keys hanging next to it were useless. Stealing shit from someone's house is one thing, taking their car is another, and I wasn't that desperate for cash. It was annoying to get rid of cars, anyway, and my last guy wasn't readily accessible.

The room lit up considerably after the clouds finally passed by the moon, revealing the two pictures that I hadn't been able to see before.

I never used flashlights. Neighbors could occasionally see them roving around, and on top of that they almost all made this annoyingly loud clicky sound. They were just one more thing to carry.

I really, really wish I used a light on the pictures anyway.

It was a picture of… a very, very beautiful white haired woman. One whom I had never seen before, but could instantly recognize as the Maou herself, with her husband right beside her.

And in a separate picture next to it as a sort of late addition, was an even more beautiful and deadly woman, with captivating green eyes, and an endearing smile that would make anyone attempt and fail to match her.

I was in the house of a goddamn Lilim.

The kitchen light was suddenly on, and I could hear someone softly humming.

I would tell you the tune if I knew it, but truthfully, I did not give two shits at that moment.

I ran to the front door, grabbed the hanging car keys off its place on the wall and busted out of the house into-

I was back in the house.

She was still humming.

As I looked back through the door I had just stepped through, I saw a reflection of the building on the other side. I was sure that if I looked through the glass back door, I would find the exact same thing waiting for me. And no matter how many of the mirrored houses I ran through, I knew without fail I would always be trapped in the same building.

I had prepared for this eventuality and had exactly two items on my person to deal with it.

The first was a pair of thick sunglasses. Maybe to the naked eye a Lilim's charm was inescapable, but not through eye wear, especially somewhat opaque ones. They were only to buy time, while I figured out what to do while still being able to see. Better to blindfold myself than to look at her, however stupid it may be.

The other was a fucking gun. I really, really did not want to use it. Not that it would help me in the conventional manner.

Because, you see, it took me about three seconds to realize several important things.

The first was that the Lilim was single. Because if she wasn't, I would probably be biting my own dust or something. Which was both good and bad for me, because on the one hand it meant I wasn't trapped in a pocket dimension for all eternity with no way out. On the other, it meant a long, fulfilling life with a goddamn Lilim.

The second was that she'd done something to me before I even got to the house. I didn't case nearly as hard as I should have, and neglected to even find out what the residents were.

Lastly, and most importantly, the Lilim wasn't wearing a scrap of clothing underneath her apron. I could see her from the front door, ignoring me on purpose.

I could already feel her magic worming its way into me through the sunglasses. She looked way too good in absolutely nothing, much less while actually cooking.

And she was cooking goddamn carbonara. The fact that it was my favorite meal was not a coincidence.

Just how far back was I set up? Why did I even choose this neighborhood?

If I made it out of this alive and with my pelvis intact, I was leaving the goddamn country and hitching up with the first mamono I found. At least then I'd be somewhat protected.

I cocked my 1911, walking to the kitchen. There was no point in being sneaky, she already knew I was here.

"What do you want?" I asked, leveling the gun at the back of her head, the back of her head of which the softest most beautiful white hair I'd ever seen trailed from. Ass length hair, to be exact. The perfect length. Her wings and tails were missing, but I knew from the picture what she really looked like.

I gripped the pistol tighter as I kept it steady. For the record, I knew the gun wouldn't do jack and or shit. It just made me feel better.

"I would like a nice evening snack. Would you care to join me, Anon?"

Fuck she was cooking beef meatballs too. My stomach growled at the smell.

"How do you know my name?"

"How could I not know the name of my dearest?"

She had yet to turn around, but I knew she was smirking.

"Let me leave."

"Not so much as a please?" She asked, wiggling her butt. Goddamn it was a good butt. I was extremely glad I was wearing sunglasses.

"Please let me leave." I said, gritting my teeth.

She did a mock shiver. "I believe a cold front just came in. If only there was someone to warm me up~"

"Let me leave."

"Dearest, we both know that toy won't do anything. You're far too smart for that, are you not?"

"Let me leave." I said, my hands and voice trembling.

"Dearest, why not enjoy this meal with me."

"And you didn't lace it with anything?"

I knew she could lie, but at least I would have the moral high ground if she did. And I would much rather deal with an obliged Lilim than a pissed off one. At least then I had a hope in hell of getting out.

"On my mother's honor, I have done nothing to your food that an ordinary human chef would not do. Specifically, a distinct lack of prisoner fruit, manticore thorn extract, or any other such aphrodisiac or drug."

"Fine."

She turned around slowly, revealing her pointed ears, her vibrant green eyes of which her picture had not done her justice, and her 'Fuck the cook' apron. I could swear a tiny crack appeared on my sunglasses.

"Wonderful. Please be seated. I will be with you momentarily."

There was no transition, no choice, I was simply sitting at the table, a napkin already in my lap.

I still had my gun in my left hand. I pulled the slide back, checking that there was still a bullet in the chamber as I waited for my gracious host to serve dinner. I had no qualms about being a useless and late dinner guest in the house of a Lilim.

She continued her humming, and I glanced at her work in the kitchen. She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. I wanted to take her right then and there, to see just how tight-

The pistol went off into my foot, causing searing pain. Good, searing pain, which allowed me to focus.

My host looked over briefly, her face distraught, before composing herself once again. I don't think she'd been expecting that.

Fuck my foot hurt. I wrapped my napkin around my shoe, watching as blood gurgled up from the wound, a clear hole through my foot with the bullet embedded into the floor.

When she placed the food down I nearly forgot all about my pain. It smelled so amazingly good. I couldn't remember the last time I had a hot meal. This was the good stuff. Perfectly seasoned food, carbonara cooked to perfection, the meatballs dripping in delicious red sauce. I stuffed my face full of food, alternating between mouthfuls of food and water.

The Lilim watched me the entire time with a goddamn smug look on her face. She was enjoying this, the bitch.

I reached down for my napkin and found it gone. Which made sense, I'd used it on my-

My foot was healed. There was no napkin, no hole, no pain.

I pinned my wrist to the table and shot myself through the arm, once again bringing back the mind clearing pain. There was no way she could cook this well, this was an illusion, and she was just fucking with me for fun. She was probably just forcing me into thinking it tasted good.

I watched in real time as my wound closed, muscle and sinew stitching itself together.

"Wounds are ephemeral in this realm. Hopefully you have realized the foolishness of your-"

I fired the gun for a third and final time directly into my mouth.

Everything went black.

There was absolutely nothing. No light, no god, no angel. Just abyssal black nothingness.

I was devoid of existence or thought, I simply was, without any conscience.

I gasped as my eyes opened to drops of water.

Beneath my head was softness, and above it I could see the reason for the drops of water.

"Anon, do you truly hate me that much? A woman you've never met, and haven't had the chance to understand?"

The sunglasses were off now and the change was palpable. I went from thinking she was the hottest woman you'd ever seen to being unbearably attractive. As in it took all my willpower not to push her down.

I reached for the gun and found my hand empty. It was nowhere to be seen.

"Anon," She said, sniffing, "I have given you a stay of execution. Please, please listen. And if at the end of that…"

I stayed put, feeling her soft hands massage my scalp through my hair.

"For years you struggled with a low income job to support your father."

I wasn't even surprised at this point. She could list off my passwords right now and I wouldn't be surprised.

"It wasn't until a customer accidentally left his wallet that you started to realize you could provide for your father in a better way. You started small, a dollar here and there, making sure that it was nothing big enough for a customer to notice. It wasn't until your father died that you started breaking and entering."

"How do you know about the wallet-"

A finger pressed against my lips.

"Years of systemic specism ingrained into you, but especially against Lilim. Did you never wonder why?"

I didn't dignify her question with an answer.

"Because I knew you were the one from the moment I saw you. And… in my excitement I talked to your father. Requested that I might meet you. He loved you very much, Anon. He just wanted you to be safe. He didn't want me taking you away from him. I've never seen a man so scared of me before, but he stood up to me for your sake."

I cried like a little fuckin bitch.

She consoled me, humming once again as she shifted her lap.

Still hit me sometimes that dad was dead.

I wiped away the last of my tears, staring up at the Lilim's sorrowful face.

"I know now… that I should have taken you away then. I should have forcefully paid for your father's treatment somehow, someway, if I truly loved you. But I was too scared. Too scared of rejection. Imagine being an immortal creature that has lived such little time as me and being scared of love. Can you, Anon?"

"No."

"Then I will burden you with a final choice."

She smoothly handed me my gun.

"I could not bear the pain of you dying, nor the thought that you would rather end your existence than be with me. So I place my life in your hands, dearest. Because I have lived long enough to know you are the one for me, and I know that I do not have the strength to stop my pursuit. I don't wish for you to suffer, I simply wish for your happiness, and if my death-"

"Fuck off." I said, pulling myself off her warm and comforting lap. "Dad might have been scared and lied trying to protect me, but he wasn't wrong about one thing- the manipulation. We both know that even if I had the choice I wouldn't kill a Lilim, regardless of which Lilim it was or if I even could. I'd be hunted and made an example of by every other mamono in existence- not to mention your mother. And what's this bullshit about not being 'strong enough to stop your pursuit'? If you actually loved me, and knew for a fact that I would be unhappy with you, why would you place the burden on me? Just do the deed yourself. Either way I'm dead, just one of them is more drawn out."

She was sobbing now. I could feel my heart ache but I knew I was right.

"I did it because I so badly wanted to be wrong. I had to try this one time, this one instance, before I gave it all up. If you wish for my death, I shall make it so."

"I just want to leave!"

It was silent in the pocket dimension, before everything blinked out.

I knew we were in the real world now.

"The door is open, now. Upon my mother's honor, the way is safe and clear."

I looked outside. Saw the grass outside waving in the night wind.

"Wait." I instructed.

Stepping through the threshold, and out into fresh air, I watched the full moon above bear down on me, shaming me.

I walked back inside and the Lilim was still there. There was no reason to ask her why she had contrived this elaborate scheme, no reason to ask why she hadn't intervened earlier.

I pulled the slide back on my gun and saw that there was a bullet in the chamber.

The Lilim was kneeling below me, softly sobbing, her hands covering her eyes.

My father's advice echoed in my mind, to take the gun and put down the monster, but I tempered the advice with reason and… emotion.

I dropped the magazine on the floor and ejected the bullet in the chamber, kneeling in front of the Lilim.

"What's your name?"

There was a card written in perfect cursive on the dash of the car I had 'stolen' from the Lilim known as Olivia. I read it by the interior light after fumbling with the button on the ceiling. The ink was the same shade of green as her eyes, glowing on the page as I did my best to read the writing.

'Dear Anon, please consider this car a no-strings attached gift. Love, Olivia.'

I was sitting in a BMW M5 sedan. Leather seats. All the knick knacks I wanted up to and including a GPS in the console. And it was a BMW, which meant no one could complain if I drove poorly and recklessly. That was the privilege. I'm pretty sure there was a card somewhere in the glove compartment saying as much.

I turned the car on, listening to the engine start. I instantly turned off the radio that had randomly tuned into a country station. It was always country, and I never understood why. We weren't even near where country should be popular and it would still be the first thing on.

Adjusting the mirrors, I pulled out of what could be my driveway, taking a left into what could be my street in my neighborhood. I could be the one going to bed early, or be fucking my Lilim wife loud enough not to notice a burglar. I would never have to rob again, not that I really had to anyway now that Dad was dead. I could just get a fast food job if I wanted. No ambitions, nothing to stop me from going back on the straight and honest.

I waited at the stop sign like a good non-BMW driver before taking another left and driving past a few dark houses. It was midnight, after all. Although if I looked hard enough I'm sure I could find some night owl still up.

I took a u-ie at the next intersection (after stopping at the stop sign of course), before slowing the car to a halt and parking right behind one of the shittiest cars I knew. A green 'exploder', a nickname that my father had given it and for good reason. It was on its last legs, and I knew that if I tried to explain it to Olivia she wouldn't get it. She wouldn't understand why I would keep the one goddamn thing I had left of my dad besides muddled memories. One day it would turn out that there was water in the exhaust, and that would be it. Mechanic had already told me it wouldn't pass inspection the next year if I tried. Something about the emissions not being up to snuff.

I stopped the engine of the BMW, rubbing the key fob between my fingers. The driver seat lights turned on briefly before dimming, once again plunging me into darkness.

Reclining back in the soft leather, I thought about how truly fucked I was. I relaxed in the dark, resting my eyes.

Was I even me? How much had Olivia disfigured my memories? Was I even a criminal? All such stupid goddamn questions, stupid questions that no one should ever have to ask.

I pulled out my wallet, and I saw a familiar face and name on my driver's license, my own. At the least, it was a convincing one if it was fake. It even had a messed up picture (my hair looked terrible) that was a trait of all real driver's licenses. Everything lined up. Sex, eyes, height, address… all of it lined up with my memories.

But that was the issue. She was a reality changing, memory corrupting bitch. I couldn't prove that she changed my memories, but I felt it. Something was off. There's no way I would trust a Lilim so easily. My father warned me about them for good reason and while it hurt me to think, I wasn't so sure he or I was right.

...or maybe that's what she changed. God it hurt my head to think about. Literally and metaphorically. There was nothing of this world I could trust. Nothing of my mind that I could trust. How did I know I wasn't just in another pocket dimension? How did I know I hadn't always been in one?

I could never know. I could live with Olivia for centuries and still have no idea if anything I touched or saw was real. I could never know if she really loved me, or was just manipulating me for her own pleasure.

I gripped my leg as I rethought my last point. That wasn't a good reason. Manipulation could happen with any woman as my spouse, Lilim or not, mamono or not. She just had an easier way of doing it than most people.

Then… what were my issues with Olivia?

Was it personality? Yes, to some degree. If she was an omnipotent being and didn't bother to help me for years while claiming to love me, I couldn't look at that favorably.

On the other hand, she seemed genuinely sorry about that. And that fear of rejection and failure, I could understand it. Especially if my dad did tell her off, not that she was necessarily saying the truth.

So then what would the old me have done? The person I was before learning about Lilims? Before I watched my father die, sick and angry? Before I used crime as more than just a way to rebel than to actually make money?

I reached from my gun when I heard the passenger seat move, only to find my holster empty and a young boy staring back. Didn't think I was paying that little attention, but somehow the little shit got in.

"Hello, mister."

He looked content as he sat shotgun, his feet not long enough to reach the ground, and his torso not tall enough for him to see over the dash. A low wind coming through the windows brushed through his medium length brown hair.

"You're lucky I don't know how to strangle kids."

He laughed at that, descending into giggles. I'll admit, he had a half decent laugh.

"I wasn't joking. You're just a construct of Olivia's, aren't you?"

He shrugged.

"Was that an, 'I don't know who Olivia is' shrug or a, 'does it really matter' shrug?"

He shrugged again, smiling.

"Smartass. No wonder no one likes you."

"I think the nice lady likes me."

"The nice lady?"

I felt the hairs on my arm stand straight up.

"She's… pretty. And nice."

"Always the wordsmith. Did she bring you here?"

"I dunno. I'm dreaming, I think. And you look a lot like my dad, mister. Are you my uncle?"

"You know what? Yeah, I'm your Uncle Greg. And word of advice, be nice to my fath- brother. He loves you a lot, you know that?"

"I know." The child said brazenly.

"Anyway… your dear Uncle has a few questions."

"Is it about animorphs? I like animorphs."

"No, it's not about animorphs. Why would you even think that?"

"I dunno."

I rolled my eyes. "Stupid fuckin'... look. Let's say the pretty lady wanted to marry you, but she lied about the fact… fine, she's an animorph. Let's say she lied about being an animorph."

"She did it to protect me from the Yeerks, right? That's fine."

"The what…?"

"The bad slug guys. Yeerks."

"That's not… well… let's say that she did it because she's not nice, and she's actually a Yeerk spy?"

"She wouldn't do that. She's a nice lady."

"I don't think you're getting it. What if she wasn't a nice lady? Then what?"

"I don't think you get it, Uncle Greg. She's a nice lady! If she lied to me about the Yeerks that's fine! She's protecting Earth, a-and she's doing it to make sure that I'm safe! I'd marry her!"

"God do I hate kids. It's a hypothetical, I'm not saying the nice lady isn't nice, but what if you're wrong?"

The kid looked at me as blank as my goddamn college diploma.

"But she's a nice lady. She has to be nice, otherwise she wouldn't be a nice lady. You're not very smart are you?"

The next chance I got, I was going to take online child strangulation classes.

"Fine! What would it take for you to not marry her?"

The kid looked unsure about this. "Um… maybe if she didn't like Bionicles?"

I really didn't remember being this much of a goddamn nerd.

"You would marry her if she lied to you, but not if she didn't like Bionicles."

It was more of a statement than a question.

"Yep."

"No fuckin' wonder we sucked at school. We're stupid as shit. Alright, fuck off, me. Or whatever. I don't know if it was just you doing that, Olivia, but fine, it was a pretty convincing imitation if it was."

He just smiled.

I startled awake. The car dash read 2:00 AM. I'd been sleeping. I had been so tired I didn't even notice that I dozed off. I took a moment to stretch out my kinks, wondering if at some point I'd had a dream like that when I was younger.

Probably not.

It could have been Olivia screwing with me, but I could chalk everything up to that. Sometimes dreams were just dreams. Blaming every issue with my life was no better than treating her as the Bogey-man.

After stepping out of the BMW, I took a final look at my green exploder. It had done its job… and it was time to go.

After fumbling around in the back seat past empty bottles and fast food bags, I found a large piece of paper, and a marker which I put to good use, scribbling 'TRADE FOR IPOD MINI', and my phone number in case they legally wanted the car. I would've put 'FREE TO GOOD HOME' on it, but it was more likely to be stolen if people thought it had some value, however small.

Reaching an arm around to put the paper on the dash, I gave the keys to my dad's car one final squeeze before leaving them inside the unlocked car.

I got back into the BMW, driving past my dad's old car one final time, keeping it in my side mirror until I took a right. Whoever wanted it could have it. Nothing in there mattered.

I had already taken the memories with me.

I pulled back into the driveway of what could be my house, in what was now my car, my mind set.

This world could be fake.

Olivia could be fake.

I could be fake.

But as long as I acted according to what I thought was right, that was all that mattered. Impulse was my only option in a game with a manipulator. If I walked in there, reloaded my 1911, racked it, and shot Olivia dead, that was that. If I walked in there and gave her a tender kiss, that was that.

Whatever I did on impulse, I would be content with the outcome. Even if it was never really my choice and I was entirely at Olivia's whims, that would be enough for me.

I strode through the unlocked door, and saw Olivia lounging on the Lilim's trademark black ball of solidified mana. I thought little about how melancholy her eyes were, how they had changed color. I didn't stop to think about the fact that my gun was reassembled on the floor, as if someone had been contemplating using it while alone. Her wings and tail being visible didn't even register to me.

And there was no way that I saw and comprehended just how surprised Olivia was to see me.

In hindsight, maybe I would notice these things. By looking and reflecting years after the fact would I understand how much she loved me. Even still, I had an idea. The faintest notion of her love towards me, and I standby the fact that if this epiphany hadn't wormed its way into my mind at that moment, I would've left and never came back. An idea formed by years of wondering, and new information. Not an idea implanted by her, and she's always quick to tell me as such.

At least she used to say she wasn't guilty of, until one of her sleepless nights she confided in me that I had been right.

"You were the one that dropped the wallet, aren't you?"

I had never, and will never see such a look of pure fear in anybody, Mamono or not, Lilim or not.

"I-I… I have been known to be lax with money." She conceded, "And it's not as if I had to be there in order to know that's how you started. I could have read your mind. Or perhaps I neatly tucked the memory among so many others."

"But you didn't."

The ball rotated clockwise to turn her away from me.

"Your memories are… perhaps not all your own. I went too far one day and…" She trailed off.

"Why?" I asked bluntly, already knowing the answer.

"I selfishly wished to ease your pain, thinking only of myself. It hurt me to watch you agonize over events that you could never change or forget, and I couldn't bear the pain of watching you suffer. Instead of acting as a friend or a lover for counsel, I erased the memories. And for that, I do not have enough apologies in my entire life time to beg for forgiveness for a transgression upon your character, your very existence. I am undeserving of both forgiveness and understanding."

"What were the memories?"

"Please, Anon. I would rather die than be the one to re-inflict wounds upon your mind that I have hidden from your sight. I know what I did was wrong, but I will take that knowledge to my grave. Please!"

The ball of energy dissipated as she kneeled on the ground in front of me, her head touching the hardwood floor. I crouched down next to her.

"If I had those memories back, would you do it again? Remove or twist them?"

She lifted her head slightly. "I hate myself, Anon, because I know I would do it within a heartbeat. I know it was wrong, I know that it was well beyond the boundaries of what I should do. I vowed never to change your memories again, but I would break that vow and any other if it meant that you never remembered those awful scenes. I would rather watch you leave this house after I let you go a million more times than allow you to retain any knowledge of those memories. And I would live with that, because you tried to die so many times. So many times…Please, Anon."

She was begging now, genuinely, her fingers curling into the floor.

"Was I an awful person?"

"No! No!" She said forcefully. "It wasn't your fault! It wasn't your fault…" She sobbed.

I pulled her up gently by her shoulders, embracing her.

"My dad never told you to stay away, did he? And he never told me to hate Lilims, either. Those were just memories you put in."

She sobbed into my shoulder.

"You weren't manipulating me to stay here, were you? You were manipulating me to leave. To never come back. This isn't actually what you wanted. You wanted me to hate you, loathe you. To avoid you forever. You lied to me, changed my memories about Lilims so that I would never have a reason to get close to you. I'm pretty stupid, but even I would bring more than sunglasses and a gun against a Lilim."

"Perhaps." Olivia sniffled, tentatively embracing me. She sagged into me, heaving out sobs and apologies.

Sometimes it was better to cry alone, but not here. Not now. I could cry about the memories I lost, about the person I could have been. I could lament that whatever I felt towards Olivia was an amalgamation of twisted memories and emotions that weren't even my own.

I felt my heartache at just the idea of abandoning her. Leaving her alone once again with my gun.

"You might love me, but I don't know if I love you."

Her throat caught, her airflow choked by rejection.

"And I never will unless you give me my memories back."

I could feel her heart beating out of her chest.

"I need to be able to trust you, and I can't do that unless I have all my memories back. Every one of them."

"I won't!" She said, breaking off the embrace.

"Okay."

I walked towards the door. I knew she was watching every step as I went down the stairs, onto the threshold, and reached the doorframe. My hand was already turning the lock.

"Stop! I'll… I'll do it!"

"That means giving me all my memories back, removing ones you added, and fixing the ones you changed. If that's not fine, I'm good to leave."

I could see her thinking, the look of hesitation on her face before slowly nodding, unable to meet my gaze.

"I'll do it." She repeated.

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief when I took my hand away from the door. I saw her hand twist as she moved to snap her fingers before suddenly stopping.

"I'll do it." She repeated again, sighing. Her eyes looked more hopeless than sad. "Under one condition."

"You don't really have any room to bargain, but… go ahead."

"Let me be there for you after, at least. Until you're better. Please let me be there for you like I should have."

I set my jaw. "Fine."

She exhaled, looking calmer. Colder, even.

"Come to the bedroom and we'll begin."

be me, Olivia Von Feyx Al NicLilith

50th daughter of Lilith

1st failure of a daughter to Lilith

i never had any issue with magic

i learned teleportation at age 6

pocket dimensions at 8

bending space time at 12

i didn't know what i wanted to do with my life

something magical just seemed like the natural course of action but i never had any inventive ideas

there was nothing i wanted to create or do

mom said it was fine and that i'd eventually find something to do

it didn't make me feel better when i was the only one left at home

Egwene came back a lot, though

usually she lied about why

i knew it was so that she could make me feel better

which just made me feel worse

especially when she came back with her husband

he was cool, and cute, and…

...there was no way i would allow myself to have one before i did something with my life

so i lounged around at home

made and plugged a few blackholes

the physics kind

not the kind my sisters were usually involved with

it wasn't until mom requested me to do something

told me about another dimension untouched by mamono and ripe for the taking

and she wanted me to scout things out

she made it seem like she chose me specifically, but i'm pretty sure that she just wanted me out of the house at that point

i didn't have anything better to do so i did it

wasn't hard to go across dimensions, i just never felt like it

didn't have a reason to before

but now i did

the actual portal summoning was trivial, and because i'm not stupid, i made sure to leave a tiny crack open after going through

just enough to siphon DE through and enlarge it in case i needed to go back through for some reason

not that any human would ever be able to find it

i made sure to relocate it into a volcano

several burned buildings and a fuming Meido later, i just put it really high in the air where no one would ever be able to find it

anyway, i took my time

integrated into their society

learned their ways and customs

learned how to use the power of the 'internet'

learned even faster how bad it was

didn't take long, and i made sure to record everything

what the critical people of each nation was

my recommendations on how to quickly and swiftly take them over

where the best ramen shops were

their level of weaponry and defenses

the usual

and then my duties came to a fiery halt

i was in disguise as what their dimension called an 'ugly bastard'

buying salty food and sugary drinks

purely for experimentation of course

purely

and purely, purely by random chance-

i found the most cheerful cashier i'd ever seen

he was pretty cute looking too

he greeted me with a smile

didn't try to sell me on the stupid card programs humans had

and swiftly rang up my items while humming

but something about him felt… off to me

...i may have lied… again about my magic

there's no magic i can't reasonably do

but some of it makes me queasy

like vomit on the spot queasy

like turn off my mind reading powers because i got sensory overload level queasy

...but this one made me curious

after he waved goodbye and i shambled away in my fat meat husk of a body i made myself invisible

leaning over a trashcan i mentally switched on my powers

zxgertg0sifdgasgshgarg

BLEERGH

youdidthis

BLARG

i wonder if i should tell my girlfriend i'm into pegging

BFSH

i threw up the rest of my stomach on the last one

fucking degenerate

my powers under control, i directed my attention towards the cashier, delving into his thoughts and memories

everything went black

PANIC

everything went white

STILL PANIC?

the image shifted and glitched but i could see again

CALM

this was a scene he replayed a lot in his head

usually meant the person perserverated on it

...or at least that's what mom said

it also explained why it was the first one i landed on

it was at the forefront of his mind

he was thinking about it right now

there was a corpse in front of me

hollow

lifeless

might have thrown up if i had anything left to throw up

he hadn't been crying when he saw the body

the cashier was perfectly still

frozen

it gave me the opportunity to look closely at the body, even through the glitches and artifacts

three bullet wounds

one in the foot

one in the arm

one in the back of her head

...although i couldn't technically see the last one

...just all the blood and brains on the wall behind her

she didn't look that old, maybe… 100? 200 years old?

shit humans don't age like that

60? 70?

that wasn't right either

i paused the memory, confused at something

generally there were thoughts floating around in people's heads

even i knew this from the little i had practiced

but it was empty, quiet

so i turned up the volume knob on his thoughts

maybe the thoughts were just too quiet to hear

i waited for one… then two… then five minutes

i'd heard it

i'd heard something

just barely

i rewound the memory slightly, turning the volume to max as i strained my ears

You did this

...not exactly what i had been expecting, full disclosure

didn't even sound like his voice

like a… fantasy demon they had in their world

not a succubus or something

like a super evil one that talked in whispers and made contracts that claimed your soul and not your dick

nothing in the room moved, but i knew time was progressing in the memory

You did this

about a minute later, i heard it again

it took the sound of a car alarm to bring him into action

dialing 911, uselessly checking her pulse, and shaking heavily

the dream faded from there

once again, i was looking at a corpse holding a gun, with three bullet wounds on her

he was replaying the memory

how many times had he done that?

how many times had he looked at the corpse?

how many more times would he do that?

BLAFGH

my stomach seriously hurt as i exited the memory

wasn't anything left to upchuck but my body tried anyway

i just didn't have the constitution for mind reading

"Are you okay?" someone asked, tapping me on the shoulder

before i realized it, i was hugging the cashier

i instantly pulled away when i realized what i had done

he looked more shell shocked than anything

...he may have also had slightly more vomit on him than before

not that he uh… started with any

i ran, ignoring him as he called out about my forgotten junk food

i knew what i had to do

i was going to make his life better

after losing him in an alleyway, i probed around in his mind at a more surface level

money and his father were at the forefront of his mind (besides the corpse)

money was just a way to help his father as far as i could tell

after getting his address, i sped off to his home

he wouldn't be off shift for a few hours and that would give me time

i felt something i'd never really felt before

was this excitement?

i could hardly help from smiling as i flew over roads and houses until i was at their… apartment?

it was much smaller than i thought it would be

whatever

i nearly knocked but i remembered Meido's words

Check thyself, before thy wreck thyself.

sending my soul outside my body i double checked my appearance

no longer in ugly bastard meat suit, check

eyes were a normal brown, check

vomit on my sweater already-

there was vomit on my sweater

aaaand a sweater wouldn't be fine anyway

i could feel my mom shaking her head at the very idea

this was the first human i was going to reveal my identity to after all

i changed into something more formal, and hid my wings, tail, and horns

i was there to talk business so i put on a suit as was customary of their world

well, by put on i mean 'summon' on, but same thing really

damn i look good in a suit

i thanked my mom for that

and dad too, i guess

also double checked that my charm was on

not because i wanted to… you know

but because i needed it to cancel out my natural aura

otherwise things might get freaky

i rapped at the door lightly

"If you're here to rob the place, there's nothing here and the door's unlocked!" an old man shouted out

his father, probably

i took a deep breath before striding in, putting on my best smile

i strode into a clean, but sparse apartment

although it was hard to call it that

it was more a room than an apartment

"Told ya. Though you don't look like much of a criminal." the old man sniffed

"Ah, forgive me. I'm not here to illegally gather your belongings. I'm here to offer you uh… money! Or a cure! Whichever you want!"

the old man broke into a smile, and with a snap of my fingers he was fixed!

psych he just got… really, really pissed

"Get out."

he looked frail and sick, with bed sores all over his body

but he said it so intensely that even i, Olivia Von Feyx Al NicLilith gulped

"Please sir, if I could only have a moment of your time-"

"You have five seconds to exit before I shoot."

he had a gun that i hadn't seen him draw

some sort of rifle

pointed directly at my face

i'm not entirely sure why i actually listened

not like bullets were an issue

they were easy enough to deflect

but uh… i was outside the apartment before he had the chance to say five

call me a wuss, coward, whatever

i just didn't expect it to go that bad

what did i do wrong?

i double checked that i wasn't naked

double checked my chest

yep, covered

pants were on

i was dressed modestly enough that i think mom would be disappointed

so then what was the issue?

what did i say?

i offered him money and a cure for his… disease

he thought i was a con man

a snake oil salesman

well shit

be me, 1st failure of a Lilim, Olivia Von…

fuck it

life isn't good

the cashier i was probing-

his mind

i was probing his mind

the cashier i was… mind-surfing?

whatever

the cashier i was memory-snogging was getting worse by the day

and it was hard for me to get work done

i couldn't concentrate

my compilation and analysis of the differences between Earth and our culture was going poorly

couldn't stop thinking about the cashier

had to work 3 jobs because none of them allowed more than 30 hours a week due to some company policy

never took days off

somehow always cheery

i knew for a fact that i could never work that hard

but there was a problem

i… couldn't just fix all his problems with magic

not that i couldn't, but i didn't want to unnecessarily bother him and make his life even harder

i'd already tried once with his father and fucked up

usually that would be enough for me

but…

my analyses were going nowhere

6 months was long enough to wait, right?

humans considered that a long time i think

never could understand their time frame

it definitely wasn't because i was nervous about screwing up… again...

definitely

i wanted to take a more casual approach this time

sweater (no vomit this time)

sweat pants

hair just tied back

everything was going to be cool

i was going to not sound like a snake-oil salesman this time

i was going to be genuine

i couldn't screw this up again

i stopped fidgeting with my fingers in front of the door

womaned up and knocked

"Go away!"

3

"F-five minutes, sir! Please!"

mom would not be happy to hear me calling a lesser being 'sir', but desperate times called for desperate measures

didn't hear a response and so i slowly opened the door

the old man was exactly where i'd seen him six months before

no gun, though

maybe a little sicker

just as intense

"Three minutes."

i quickly shut the door

warded the apartment against scrying

put up a magical barrier

sound proofed it

and i was done with preparation within 10 seconds

he just narrowed his eyes, saying nothing

i sat on a poorly constructed plastic chair next to him, getting comfortable as i recalled my plan

"My name is Olvia Von Feyx Al NicLilith. 50th daughter to Lilith, the Maou of the demon realm. I am a demon, but not the sort you're used to, and I don't want to cut a contract-"

no need to tell him that i was terrible at those anyway

"I just want to help you. No strings attached. No contract, verbal or otherwise."

i could feel my hands trembling

fuck he just didn't stop staring

didn't even blink

kinda thought he'd be scared from hearing that i was a demon

guess not

sometimes humans could feel you poking around in their head, especially if they were being actively on guard

so while i would love to know what he was thinking about, it was too risky to mind-surf right then

he scratched his face, adjusting the way he sat in his bed

only up close did i realize just how sick he really was

his skin was pale and looked weak enough that he could get blown away by the wind

and his eyes were sunk into his head

but i could feel those eyes staring through my soul

i squirmed unintentionally, unable to meet his eyes

"And why should I believe that you're a demon?" he asked softly

bsod_

how did this miss my 5 page long 'possible questions list'?

"I have magical powers. I could… teleport myself or an object. Create a pocket dimension. Or rip apart the fabric of space and time."

"Is that a threat?"

"N-no! Just options of what I could do to demonstrate my race."

"You had horns last time."

"I… do. I hid them."

i pulled away the illusion spell, revealing my horns, wings, and tail

they sprouted through my clothes

i still don't know how they do it but it's one of those demon things you just don't question

i saw his eyes widen for a millisecond before returning to their normal intensity

"...good enough. What is your intent?"

"My intent? I just want to make your life better."

"There's no such thing as a free lunch, demon."

"I'm serious! I-I can attach a payment, perhaps, if that would be better?"

"You're not going to ask me for my first born, are you?"

i can't believe i seriously considered saying "yes" for a moment

fuck me

"No! Um… an ipod mini?"

i couldn't think of anything more useless

"You want an ipod mini in return for your services?" the old man asked, crossing his arms

"Yes. That is all I desire." i answered, crossing my arms back

"You are the oddest demon I have ever met." he said, shaking his head

"Wait, you've met others!? Who!? What were their names!?"

"It was a joke, young lady."

"Oh. Sorry."

"I'll ask one more time, and if I don't hear an answer I like, you're out. Why are you doing this?"

"I… I…"

i didn't want to give the actual answer to that question

i couldn't

and i knew i was terrible at lying

"I want your firstborn!"

i wasn't able to see his face because mine was covered by my hands

it was probably not good

when i finally looked up he looked less intense

he set his jaw

"Evidently you need time to think. Come back when you have a more honest answer."

he rolled over on his bed, facing the wall

that was my queue to leave and i didn't miss it

i teleported out to a field, laughing as i did the traditional victory dance of my people (not pole dancing)

i hadn't completely screwed it up!

he hadn't pointed a gun at me!

progress!

i hadn't won him over, but i hadn't lost him either!

i just had to think about how to answer his question in a way that did not involve his son

because i had a feeling that as soon as i brought him up in what he thought was a serious capacity, all bets were off

three months passed just like that

i had a big house now, no setting up shop in random fields now!

and i got it legally thank you

from gold that i may or may not have summoned from thin air

managed to get a picture of mom, dad, and I up

all it took was memory printing, a little magic, and i had two very nice portraits to put in my house

...which wasn't as big as the castle but it felt nice to have a place i could call my own

not that i really used more than one room of the castle to begin with

i was a little disappointed i had no Kikimora, but i could take care of myself just fine

i had plenty of work to occupy myself, after all (and the magic of UberEats)

plus, i could concentrate now

i was happy!

the answer i wanted to give to the old man would come to me any day now and i could make Anon smile for real!

and that would be enough for me

i could report back to mom that my job was done, and continue lounging at the castle and be happy

maybe even find a husband!

one that was hardworking and nice!

it would be nice if he was cool and dashing, but he didn't need to be

i had to stop myself from doodling Anon on official documents sometimes

he looked really good in uniform

mm~, i was a sucker for clear aesthetic and style

although he looked really good in anything, to be fair

i also… wanted to see him in a robber-play fantasy?

it's not kinky!

i just… you know… maybe he could break into my house one day

and it just happened to be while i was wearing nothing but a 'fuck the cook' apron

aaaand then he'd pin me down over the counter and mm~

i made judicious use of the eraser function on my tablet screen to get rid of the dicks on my 'Treatise of Earth Currency'

anyway i'm not like my sisters!

my fantasy was not kinky!

my fantasy was just stupid!

there's a difference!

i don't know what the difference is but i'll find it!

i swear on my mother's honor i'll find out the difference!

i resumed my monotonous typing on a laptop that i had gotten recently

it took me way too long to realize that using a pen and quill didn't make sense when i could just use a computer to do everything faster and better

plus you couldn't look up copious amounts of rape-play porn on a quill

or… could you?

another time, Olivia, another time

there was work to be done

hard work

mm~

i slapped my hand

i didn't like the way it was slinking along my thigh

like a… when a girl is sitting next to a guy in public and he's about to put his hand in her-

STOP

i had to use my tail to restrain my hands

traitors, the both of them!

i had a brilliant idea!

i could remind myself what i was working towards and take a look at Anon!

instantly opened up a scrying portal and saw-

i didn't need to put my soul outside of my body to see that i was blushing like crazy

apparently even he needed to uh… release

i briefly (very briefly (super briefly)) considered asking him if he wanted help

but uh… i didn't because i'm not a voyueristic weirdo

i wasn't like my sisters

i wouldn't take another peak

i wouldn't!

…

no work was going to get done at this rate

time to put the internet to its intended use

fuck yeah

now if i just happened to find men that kinda sorta looked like Anon, that was fine

that wasn't creepy at all

i came my anxiety away that night and woke up knowing how to answer Anon's father

update

i knew what answer to give the old man when i woke up

update

i am still extremely horny

so… i may or may not have masturbated for… a while

only… you know… a month

not straight!

just mostly straight!

like a…damp noodle

or when i try to draw lines

and it was only a month!

mom and dad went at it two years straight one time

so, yeah

take that

and i bet my sisters would have masturbated for two months if they were in my shoes!

kinda disgusting to think about them masturbating in my shoes

ew

fuck i was still so horny and my libido had no intention of calming down

it had never been this bad before either

there was only one thing i could do

talk to mom or Egwene

hopefully they had some way to cure my predicament or knew someone who did

made sure i was presentable this time

my panties would not stay dry

'Why do you even wear those things?' i mocked my mother, giving up on them and going commando with a skirt

i wear them because i'm not a degenerate like my sisters mom

might as well make a trip out of it

a custom made bag of holding that i'd shoved all manner of strange things into, including, but not limited to: various snacks, maps, dictionaries, historical books, and electric dildos

i knew damn well which one would get the most interest in it and it wasn't the map of the USA

horny motherfuckers

shouldn't be hard to go back home, although this would be my first time

my teleport to my rip between the worlds was uneventful as usual

all i did was shimmy through, heaving on the bag until it finally eeked through

and from there it was just one more teleport and…

"I'm home!"

"Welcome home, Mistress."

Meido bowed low, broom in hand

"I trust everything has gone well? You've only been gone for a year and a half."

i was at the entryway of the castle which was strangely devoid of people

i used Wilson (my dark matter ball) to hold my bag as i embraced Meido tightly

it felt good to hug somebody

"It's gone pretty well." i answered, pulling away

"What's the matter?"

"It's um… private."

"Olivia, I delivered you, breastfed you, and raised you as my own. Whatever ails you, I would be much obliged to relieve some small part of that pain."

she handed me a tea cup despite there being absolutely no tea pot in sight

i still had no idea how she did it

...and there were chairs that definitely weren't there either, one of which she urged me to sit in before taking a seat across from me

i delayed a few seconds by sipping at the tea loudly

not on purpose, i could just never get the hang of it

"I um… I can't stop being horny. It's an issue and interrupts my work."

Lessofa gave the most blank stare i have ever seen

which is saying something given that it was a Kikimora's default state to have a blank face

she gave a small cough before starting

"Sweety, you may not like to admit it, but you are a Lilim."

she sipped at her tea as she let it sink in

"And?"

i rolled my hand, gesturing for her to continue

"Olivia, dear, you are a succubus."

"And?"

i rolled my hand faster

"The fact this has not come up before is proof how late of a bloomer you are."

she sighed in disappointment, shaking her head

"This isn't an issue, dear. It would be an issue if you were not wetting your chair given your… singleness. I'll clean it up when we're done."

i wanted to crawl in a hole and die

she had actually noticed

of course she would notice

she was Lessofa Meido

"Deary, if you want to be less horny, and I imagine you already tried mastur-"

"I did!" i squeaked

i did not want to hear her of all people say masturbate

my own mother could say it if she wanted to and i wouldn't care, but the idea of Lessofa saying it made my cringe

"...then you need to find a husband."

"Why would ohhhhhhhh."

i felt very stupid

i wanted to crawl further into a different hole and die again

i had really just come back home to try and find out how to cure my horniness when i was a succubus

"I… haven't found the one yet."

her eyes pierced me in the same way the old man's had

she sipped at her tea, elegantly, quietly

"Bullshit."

my jaw dropped

"Do not lie to me, Olivia Von Feyx NicLilith. Do not insult my intelligence and love for you. You have already found him. You are just too scared to act."

"No! I'm just playing the long game!"

"Are you, now? When was the first time you saw him?"

"Um...nine months ago? A year? I know his favorite food, what sort of woman he likes, his favorite memory…"

"You can read minds, Olivia. Does he actually know who you are? Have you properly introduced yourself? Does he know of your feelings towards him?"

"I-I'm getting there."

"And by what means are you traveling? Snail, perhaps? Humans would have been with child in 9 months. What has dissuaded you from taking what is your rightfully yours as Princess, and why have you not obliterated it? You are born of her majesty, and yet you cannot manage to capture the heart of a single man? Do not tell me you have been simply fantasizing about him. Do not tell me that the Lilim with the most raw power and potential aside from Druella has spent nine months acting as a coward!"

she was looming over me

"Lessofa. There's a mess that needs to be taken care of in guest room #16."

"There's a mess right here, one that I made when raising her and needs to be addressed promptly."

i tried to open my mouth to respond but nothing came out

"That was not a request. Do not forget your position. You may have been my wet nurse, but I am not nearly as kind as my dear Via. I will ensure what you have deemed as a mess is cleaned up. Now leave."

i wasn't able to look at Egwene as she pulled the chair Lessofa had been using over to me

i couldn't hold back my tears. "She's right."

"Less means well. She sees a little of herself in you, it's why she's always so hard on you. It took her five years to finally capture her own husband's heart."

"But she's right. I am a coward. And creepy. I haven't even really talked to him yet..."

"Maybe. Did I tell you how long it took for me to win over my husband?"

i sniffed. "No."

"A year. But he wanted to take things slowly. Despite the fact that I already knew for a fact I was his and he was mine. But that made it all the better when we finally joined-"

"I appreciate the pep talk sis, but I can live without the specifics."

"Prude." she smiled "Why haven't you attacked him?"

"Well I thought it was because I didn't want to stress him in case um… he didn't like me back. And his life is bad right now... I don't know anymore."

"You love him, and don't want to hurt him."

i nodded stiffly

"And if his life is hard… that's what you should be there for. To support him. Help him."

"I want to but his father-"

"Do you love him?"

"Yes."

"Then of what consequence is his father?"

"His father matters to him. And he's the only thing keeping Anon- I mean… umm… it's not good."

"To me it sounds like you're using his father as an excuse not to get close."

"Maybe." i whispered.

"Liv, be honest with him. I assure you that his feelings will be mutual given time. Will you at least try to talk to him for me?"

she squeezed my hand with her own

"Yeah. I will. I will! Thanks, sis."

i hugged her tight before letting her go

"Would you like to see mother before you go?"

"Nope! When I come back, I-I'm going to have Anon as my husband! And I'll…"

...make Lessofa proud too

Egwene giggled in only a way she could

it never sounded good when i did it but she always managed to make it sound regal somehow

"I'm sure mother would love to see you no matter what, as will Lessofa after I have a conversation with her. Don't be a stranger, Liv. We're only a portal away~"

"Portal… portal! Can you take this and give it to Mom? It has all my notes and some objects of interest."

I made Wilson drop the bag of holding at her feet before dismissing him

"Not sure how helpful it'll be but... you already found the dildo." i sighed

"What is this?" she asked, turning it this way and that

"Try it for yourself. Thanks for everything, sis. I'll be married next time I see you."

"Please Olivia, you are welcome to come home at any time regardless of your marital status. You're my only little sister. Good luck."

when i teleported back to the portal to Earth, i had never felt so focused, so motivated

i was going to win Anon's heart, help fix his life, and prove that i was a Lilim!

i never could've guessed how badly i would screw up

I woke up with a splitting headache in an unfamiliar room.

It was hard to think or focus or concentrate.

I had forgotten and remembered something important.

What was it?

Head hurt too much.

I remembered casing houses yesterday. I remembered going into the house and-

There was a corpse sitting in the chair next to the bed with hollow and dead eyes. Three gunshot wounds-

The corpse reached out a hand towards my face.

I couldn't move and my heart stopped when its cold fingers brushed against my cheek.

I blinked and Olivia Von Feyx NicLilith was in its place. She never told me her full name but I knew it. Her fingers were soft and warm.

Another splitting headache assaulted me.

"Anon. Breathe slowly."

Was I breathing quickly? I felt my chest and my heart was pounding.

You did this.

I remembered that voice very well. I didn't know how I could forget it. It had been with me for years.

Ever since… ever since Jessica died.

The more I concentrated, the more memories came back.

The psych ward. The psych ward again.

I closed my eyes and found Jessica waiting there for me, just like how I'd found her years ago. Dead and hollow. How had I forgotten that Mom died like that?

You did this.

There were memories in my head that weren't mine either. They were like dreams, but they weren't fading. I focused on one of them. How the memory felt, looked.

In the false memory I was taking to Dad and he looked… happy? I don't think anybody else would be able to tell but he looked genuinely happy. I couldn't hear the speech that came from my mouth, but he instantly became pissed. He started shouting, and walking towards me as he pushed himself off the bed. His legs were shaky and frail, but he was powered by spite.

He clutched his chest before falling back. I didn't know what he was saying, but it wasn't kind.

And then he said nothing at all. But he was still just as angry before he died, spitting curses until his last breath.

"I broke our deal." Olivia whispered. I couldn't stand to look at her.

"I included my own memories- unmodified- with your own. Please, Anon. I've only wished to help you and I just- I kept screwing up. Please, believe me. I wanted nothing but for you to be happy. But I was cowardly. And I know I went against your wishes but…"

Another memory racked into place. Or rather twisted back to its correct shape.

I remember working at the convenience store and instantly noticing her. It felt like she didn't want to be, but even then I kept her out of the corner of my eye.

I had to work to keep my eyes off her. Even dressed casually, she was incredibly cute. The way she fidgeted while looking for items. How she kept pulling at her sleeve as she was lost deep in thought at whether to get Fritos or Lays.

My eyes kept getting drawn back to her.

No, I couldn't ask her name. That would've been unprofessional. I couldn't afford to lose the job.

"M-miss, what's your name?" I remember speaking without thinking. I wanted to punch myself but I didn't regret asking.

I gathered the courage to look at her in the eye. I didn't think she'd be as nervous as I was, but she hid it far better than I did. I could tell by the way her gaze wavered.

"Olivia. Pleasure to meet you. And yours?"

"Anon. Could we grab a drink after my shift?"

I wanted to fucking throttle my brain at that moment. Just because she was nervous didn't mean the feeling was reciprocal. She could just be nervous because a fucking cashier was hitting on her.

I remember her smile widening and then narrowing as she composed herself once again. "I would find that agreeable. May I have your phone number, please?"

I was so excited to get off work and meet her, but I had to run home to change after work.

And that's the day I found dad dead. All thoughts of dating were immediately trashed after that.

I met her once more after that, I realized.

I remember being even more of a babbling mess when she showed up at my hotel room, unprompted.

And then she asked me if I wanted to die.

You did this.

"I can see why you removed these now."

Whispers that had been long gone from my head were back and growing. After all my memories settled it would be even worse.

"So you'll allow me to remove them again?" She asked hopefully.

"No. Touch my head again and I'm out of here."

You did this.

"Please, please now that you know please let me remove them. I don't want to watch you…" She trailed off.

A few more memories returned.

"I thought I just couldn't die right, but you're the reason. You're the reason none of my attempts ever worked. Fucking hell. Couldn't even give me control of that."

"Yes. Because I love you."

"If you loved me, you wouldn't have stopped me."

Her face twisted in pain. "If I loved you, I would've stayed with you after stopping you. But after your father, I…"

"And I guess you killed my father, too. You killed my dad, didn't let me die, and wiped all my memories of you and my mother's death."

"I swear upon my mother's-"

"I could give a rat's ass about your fucking mother or her honor. Put your own honor on the line. However little that is."

"I swear upon my honor, that I, Olivia Feyx Von NicLilith, 50th daughter to Lilith, have restored all of your memories to their original state, and have merely added my own alongside them."

"There's definitely some hole in what I asked, some workaround, but fine. To be honest, if you were lying or manipulating my memories to put you in a good light, you did a terrible job of it. Would it really have been that hard to just… walk up to me when you first saw me? Literally none of this would have happened if you had."

"It would not have been hard. I was a coward, and for that, I'm eternally sorry. I made excuses to myself for why I couldn't talk to you, I know that. I made excuses so I wouldn't be put through rejection. I didn't actually help you because I'm a coward."

You did this youdidthis

"Fuck off! Not you. Fucking voices."

She said nothing at that.

"I need a whiteboard and markers. Conjure them or whatever it is you do."

She snapped her fingers and there was a whiteboard with markers out of thin air.

I got up and started writing.

I could hear her watching from a distance, trying to peer past my body at the board.

I started writing down the things that Olivia did directly to me. Fucking with my memories. This entire thing with the house. Stopping my suicide attempts.

Then the indirect things. My father's death. The psych hospital. My turn to crime. Apparently stalking me for years.

"Why did you fuck with my memories?"

You did this.

"Because I couldn't bear to see you in pain like that anymore."

"But you managed to do it for an entire year before that, right? And a year isn't a long time to a Lilim. What changed?"

"I swear on my mot- I swear on my honor that I couldn't bear to see you live like that, and that is the honest truth."

"Why this… thing? Why manipulate me?" I said, gesturing to the house around us.

"I… thought this would give me the best chance. I needed a place to prepare, rehearse. Know how things were roughly going to pan out. I couldn't account for public spaces, at least easily. Having you break into this house was simply a convenient and natural way for us to meet. My original plan was to… manipulate you into hating me."

"Why?"

"...I didn't think I deserved you."

I made no comment to that.

"My father. What did you tell him in the last meeting?"

Her face soured.

"I told him why I wanted to help him. To… get to you. And that I wasn't going to back down."

I already knew the answer but asked anyway. "And why did you confront him then? Why bother?"

"Egwene said I should be more straightforward with you. And I thought it was only fair to tell your father as well given our prior meetings. I did not intend for his death." She said quietly.

"I believe you. Given your memories I believe that in this one department, you were simply a victim of bad luck. Only someone unreasonable would say that you killed my father. I could have easily done the same if I had chosen to argue with him that day."

You did this.

Olivia said and did nothing in response.

I wrote down 'well meaning' and circled it, drawing arrows out of it to fucking with my memories, suicide attempts, and my father's death.

I capped the marker, placing it back on the whiteboard. I stared at my diagram for a while, thinking.

You did this.

You did this.

You did this.

"None of this would have happened if you just talked to me the first time." I repeated. "You have issues with anxiety, indecisiveness, and forethought." She winced at every point.

"But you also saved me at least a dozen times, had only good intentions, and helped in your own way with my crimes."

"I… cannot claim credit for the latter."

"Swear it on your honor."

"I have no need to."

"Don't know why you're being stubborn about that point of all things, but fine. Gist of the matter is that you were only looking out for me and just fucked up at least half a dozen times."

"I know." She said, eyes downcast.

You did this.

"But I'm not any better. I'm a criminal, an asshole, and… for some reason I can't help but trust you."

Her eyes shot up from the ground, locking with mine.

"I'm not going to tell you not to erase my memories. I'm not going to tell you not to manipulate me like you did here. People make mistakes. But don't make a mistake because you were too scared of something like rejection. And now, I'll be there to help you work past it. That goes both ways. No reasonable person could blame you for my father's death but I still do. I need to learn to let go, and I'm expecting you to help me with that. If I decide life is no longer worth living, I expect you to stop me. And you should expect me to do the same."

"Please, please tell me not to erase your memories. Order me not to. Otherwise-"

"No. I'm not your boss or commander. For the moment, I'm your friend, and friends do not order friends to do things. If you are unable to control your desire to use your Lilim powers, it's something we'll work on."

"But friends can request things from other friends. Request for me not to, please." She pleaded.

"The point of the matter is that I should not have to. I should be able to trust that whatever you do, you do for good reason from now on. And you should be able to do the same. If I do that, I'm not trusting you. It will be hard not to give in, but that's the point of a partnership. To make each other better."

You did this.

"I don't know if I'm strong enough. It… it hurts my heart to know that there's pain inside you that I can't help with. Perhaps I can remove only a portion of the memories?"

"I trust you." I said, pulling her close.

"I'm sorry. For everything. For your dad. For messing with your memories. For manipulating you. For not doing anything. I'm sorry."

"I forgive you."

I felt her shoulders sag, like something weighing on her had just dropped off her back.

For a few hours, all I did was lie in bed and hold her close. Feeling her body against my own. Her heat. Her smell.

"Why me?"

"Doesn't that fall under trust?" She asked, giving a weak smile.

"Trust, but verify."

"...you're cute, hardworking, and not afraid to call me out. What more could I ask for?"

"Someone without voices in their head."

"But that wouldn't be who I came to love."

"I just thought you were a hottie."

She was blushing furiously and I didn't let her squirm out of my arms. There was no question that she could have overpowered me if she wanted.

"You can't followup my heartfelt feelings for you with that."

"Unlike you, I wasn't able to read your mind and thoughts from our first meeting. What else was I supposed to go off of besides looks, exactly?"

"I guess. I just thought perhaps that it was love at first sight."

"Quite the romantic, are you?"

"It was love at first sight for me!"

"Again, I can't read minds." I pointed out.

"Even before that, I thought you were special."

"I guess I could say the same. I couldn't take my eyes off you. Hadn't ever been an issue before that. So sure, it was love at first sight."

"I… must confess something." Olivia said, sitting up.

I waited for her to continue.

"If… we were to join. That is, have intercourse. A-and if I were to perhaps um… gain your Spirit Energy, I… think I could fix all of this. I could turn back time to when we first met and I could talk to you."

"You can turn back time?"

"Only in my pocket dimensions, usually, but that's simply because manipulating it is… easier. Things are more willing to change in a pocket dimension as opposed to reality. But if I were to have enough energy, this wouldn't be an issue. I could fix… everything."

"Do whatever you think is right. But I don't think all of our pain should simply be erased. It's not much different from simply wiping my memory. Again, if you believe it's the right choice, I trust you."

"I really hate those three words." She pouted.

"I didn't even know you could pout." I said, poking her cheek.

"Well, I can."

It was quiet for a moment, but she broke it with the first laugh that I'd ever heard from her. It was light enough that I wanted to hear her laugh more, and it was in that moment, I knew exactly what three words she wanted to hear, and what three words I wanted to say.

"I love you."

Olivia and I separated for a while after I regained my memories. Her suggestion, actually. She said that I should be sure that I wanted to be with her, and that it wasn't me just being caught up in the moment.

So I went on a road trip. Not a long one, but lengthy enough that I could call it that. Didn't have a place I wanted to stop or go, so I just kept driving. It was a lot easier now in the BMW than it was in the Exploder (which had been stolen by morning), since it didn't have any weird ticks and didn't guzzle gas nearly as hard. It wasn't the same, but I had the feeling I could get used to it.

She also vowed not to watch whatever I did. I didn't like the implication that it was her default state to do that, but I understood what she meant. All she asked was that I take an ominous looking seal that bore the crest of something that looked like it actually did come from hell, with instructions to break it if I needed her under any circumstance.

Eventually, I realized that I was going somewhere specific without realizing. There was still one last thing I needed to do.

I pulled into the lot, and had my pick of spots. There were no other cars, and in a way, I'm glad there weren't.

It was a short walk on a path, but it didn't take long. I knew where I had to go.

I paced along the path at my destination, having already arrived but unsure how to say what I wanted.

"Hey mom. Dad." I said to their gravestones. There were no bones underneath. They had requested cremation (well, dad said it's what mom would have wanted, and I assumed the same for him), but neither had said anything about disallowing a grave in memory of them.

I didn't have any flowers to place. I hadn't planned that far. I didn't have any lunch, or a monologue planned either.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you, mom. Still don't know why you did it, if you even did, really. Who shoots themselves three times?"

Me, I realized, but that wasn't the point.

"I tried to become a better person. I-I tried to make people happier, make dad happy. I worked harder but it didn't matter. All because a demon fancied me. And I could blame her. She did a lot of pretty stupid shit. Stalked me. Manipulated me. Sorta killed dad by accident."

I sighed.

"All because she didn't have the guts to just ask me out. Just too scared to do it. All that because she knew that she would break if I rejected her. Sorta selfish, but... I get it. I don't think what she did was right but I get why she did it. She wanted to help me, she just wasn't brave enough to go past you, dad. I think if I saw someone like her going for my son, I'd probably be pretty angry too. So… thanks dad. Thanks for looking out for me."

"And the stupid part is that I love her back. I really shouldn't, but I'm only human. She fucked up my life, but that could have happened anyway. She manipulated me, but not out of malice. And she did get past her fears. Twice. I just wish she could have done it differently. And she saved me so many times. Even when I said some pretty awful shit to her, she stuck through it. Even when I wanted to die, she saved me knowing that I might hate her. And that has to count for something."

"If you guys are watching, I don't know if you'll get it. And I'm not expecting you to. I just want you to trust my decision. None of this could be real. You could both be figments of my imagination. I could be fake. But I don't think if it was pure manipulation that I would be feeling so sad right now that she wasn't here, with me. I don't think anybody has the capacity to fake the pain she went through. And her story is way too stupid to be fiction, anyway."

I took the seal out of my pocket, rubbing the front of it with my thumb. If I applied just a little more pressure it would break and she would appear. I could introduce her in person to my 'parents'. She'd definitely apologize to dad, and ask for mom's permission to take me as her husband. And then she would cry, blaming herself for everything wrong in my life.

I put the seal back in my pocket, leaving my parent's gravestone behind.

I'd bring her back one day. The day when we could look back and smile at our mistakes instead of crying. The day when I could be strong enough to not only forgive her, but myself.

Epilogue

be me

Olivia Renson

proud wife

soon to be proud mother

after settling down with Anon i found my calling in memory magic

helping people understand and pull through traumatic events in their life

but never removing the memories

so… a magical therapist basically

sometimes i feel like i wasted my potential

but seeing people happier and less burdened always makes up for it

it's hard, but honest work

mom's been hard at work too, apparently

i'm no longer the youngest

got a new baby sister that they named Jessica

i thought it was kinda weird to name your kid after someone you never met, but apparently they just felt compelled to after i introduced Anon to them and how we met

Lessofa acted pretty cold towards me while i was back at mom's place, but from the way her tail was wagging i'd say she no longer considered me a failure

so that was nice

Anon says he feels a lot happier with me around these days

only the occasional voice

much more forgiving, although i can tell it's hard for him

though, he still hasn't forgiven me for trying to stick a finger up his butt even after i kept telling him it was an accident

i'm still not sure whether it was or wasn't if i'm being real here, chief

now when i look back at when i was scared of everything i feel stupid

so many things i could have done when i was younger that i didn't just because i was scared

people like Anon that i was too scared to open up to or even try talking to

i haven't gotten completely past my fear, but i'm trying

i'm not as hardworking as Anon but i'll get there one day

i know i will

THE END