Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia, I just own an unhealthy devotion to France as a nation and its history. English is not my mother language and neither is French, any constructive criticism is appreciated. Title and quote at the beginning of the first chapter are credited to Luna Haruna's song under the same name (The sky is high and the wind sings).
Warnings: The best part of this story was written in late 2022, so the in real life events mentioned at the very beginning refer to what was happening at the time. Constructive criticism doesn't mean hate or gratuitous insults, so please: don't like, don't read.
No wild beast or civil servants were harmed in the writing of this fanfiction.
Porn was meant to be neatly contained in chapter four, but you will find some also at the end of chapter six because it's my way to focus and I needed to will myself into finish this story. Flashback in chapter three.
Desperate Times, desperate Measures
The sky is high and the wind sings,
you saw a dream where people would eventually find joy,
or so you believed, looking at it with the eyes of a child.
I'm right by your side as we pass through the frozen forest,
so that your eyes won't hesitate in the grief of the world.
It had been a hard week for everyone in the family, so hard that eventually France decided that doing something to cheer everyone up couldn't wait anymore. He had his own quite substantial problems, but even those couldn't make him stand seeing his family like that.
Next to him, England was turning gloomier each day more, as the risks his economy was facing seemed to become worse with every choice his government made. On the other side of the ocean, in the meantime, America was so nervous about the upcoming mid-term elections that he had already packed on several pounds, and even the level-headed Canada was about to have a mental breakdown after the meteorological devastation that had hit his lands.
After a lot of thinking and several inconclusive hours on the phone with each member of his family, France came to the following conclusion: they were all in dire need of a holiday.
He crossed the Channel back to England, then, scooped up his husband and dragged him screaming and kicking on the first plane to Canada. During the flight, France successfully managed to bring England back to an acceptable mood - at the cost of traumatising all the other passengers, who weren't ready to assist live at the French art of making their husband feel better.
After landing in Canada, they fished their son out of the tears of despair and reserved a coach on the first train to Washington, deciding to use the time to dry him up and comfort him properly before having another son to care for.
"Dads, my hair are dry enough. Could you please remove the towel?"
"Hmm?" England did as Canada had politely requested, but then proceeded to check carefully the condition of Canada's hair. He had to acknowledge that it was indeed much drier than expected, but not enough for deeming it fine: its colour was still darker than usual, and it was distinctively lacking volume. Being a fine connoisseur of his husband's hair, though, he knew who the only solution to that mess was. "France, let's switch. I hold him and you take out your portable hairdryer and whatever else you need."
"Why do I need to be hold in the first place!?" Canada took his chance to glare behind himself at France, eyeing suspiciously the older nation's arms around him firmly stopping his every movement. "I'm coming willingly, I'm not going to escape!"
"We are just showing you our support, mon chou." France answered condescendingly, as he proceeded to switch place with England. "It has been a hard period for you, and we didn't see one another for some time~ Physical affection is the easiest way to an upset heart, and we want to give you plenty of support."
"It was only a few tornadoes, papa." Canada sighed. "Isn't dad's economy worse for wear?"
"My economy? Uh, you are not wrong... I had forgotten all about it, to be fair." England blinked, as he tightened his arms around Canada before the younger nation could escape for independence.
"Dad!? How can you-"
"Don't worry, dear, I told you that your papa thought about everyone." As England had suggested, France quickly took out from his bag his portable hairdryer, a brush perfect for Canada's hair and several bottles that the other nations felt no need to know what they were. "We are now banned from flying with my national airline for a couple of years, but as you can see it was worth it~ Besides, the ban we earned from England's airline will expire at the end of the month, so it won't be a real problem for us."
"How did you- No wait. On a second thought, I don't want to know."
France chuckled at Canada's panicked expression and he focussed back on his work, whilst England just coughed in embarrassment and hid his reddened face in the hollow between Canada's shoulder and the backrest of the train seat.
After France had finished fixing Canada's hair, it had turned as clear as it was supposed to be, framing with gentle waves his cheeks as France's own loose bangs did. Now that the sacred resemblance was back – sparkles included- they could finally focus on more important matters, such as finding something to eat. Canada didn't like much the idea to eat something bought on train, but when France brought back from his raid a small flask of maple syrup together with their sandwiches, he gladly accepted the offered food and ate it with gusto.
As soon as they'd reached their destination, France rushed to the place where America's meeting was supposed to be, whilst Canada and England went renting a car big enough to host the four of them and the backpacks France had prepared for each member of the family.
If entering the building had been quite easy, waiting for the right moment to snatch America away without people noticing took France more time than he had initially planned. He listened to the boring list of numbers, the gloomy statistics, the unappealing series of lobbies to consider... And a thick daze started to dawn on his already tired eyes.
Unwilling to let something inane as America's budget approval ruin his plan, he resorted to call a few of his American contacts and, in a few minutes, they improvised a small riot in front of the building.
"Alfred!" France tried to get his son's attention as soon as his government reunited in front of the big windows of the meeting room to watch the protest happening downstairs, but the unusual sight had distracted the younger nation as well.
France attempted to call him a few times more, but since he wasn't getting anywhere, he resorted to a more drastic solution: he grabbed his son by the collar as soon as his politicians turned their backs on him, and then dragged him away from the commotion as inconspicuously as he could.
"Dad France, what are you doing here?"
"Shh, come with me. England and Canada are already waiting for us in the car."
"Shouldn't I finish the meeting first? Weren't you the one telling me I should keep an eye on my politics?"
"No, dear, that was England and he was strictly talking about the Crown, not about his elected officials." A security guard appeared at the end of the staircase, so they had to stop abruptly and hide behind the corner until their escape route was clear. "I said that hearing them out was only good as long as they cared about the citizens."
"W- wait, what?"
France rolled his eyes and thanked all the gods he didn't worship that he had predicted his son's complaints. He took out the hamburger that he had bought for emergencies, then, and gave it to America, distracting him successfully.
As America munched happily on his hamburger, France took him by his wrist and waited for the moment when the guard wasn't around anymore to hush him down the few remaining steps and across the hall. As soon as they were out in the street, he easily spotted the car his husband had rented and rushed to it, forcefully making America join Canada in the back seats before taking the front one next to England.
Before one of them could even dare to say a word, however, a loud yell came from the building France and America had just vacated.
"Wait there! The meeting is still on!"
As they looked behind themselves, they saw several government officials making their way through the crowd of protesters as they rushed outside the building after them, evidently angry and quite determined to get their nation back. France's friends tried to stop them as soon as they understood what was happening but, unfortunately, there was little they could do to slow them down.
"Fuck they are already after us!" France swore, but when he turned to his lover he couldn't help but raising his eyebrows in surprise. "Angleterre?"
"Don't worry, I have this under control." England put on a pair of sunglasses and threw a pair each at the other three nations. "Wear these and secure your seatbelts."
Before his family could ask anything about it, England engaged the reverse gear to get some distance from America's functionaries, waited for them to follow him down the road and, as soon as they were close to the car, he put the pedal to the metal, dashing forward and leaving them coughing in a cloud of dust and exhaust fumes.
They had no time to rejoice about England's successful manoeuvre, though, that another obstacle between them and their freedom appeared.
"Angleterre, there's a police block in front of us!"
"I saw that, leave it to me." England lowered the car window on France's side, and increased the speed. "You know what I need from you."
"A blowjob?"
"Francis!"
"Well, I didn't really mean now~"
"You know," America tried to butt into the marital banter. "I could just go back, finish the meeting and re-join you-"
"Shut it, Alfred." Both parents chastised him in chorus.
"Dad, you are driving straight against the block!" Canada tried to protest but, seeing that England showed no sign to slow down, he held tight to his brother, hoping that they wouldn't end up killed by their parents' dumb ideas.
There was only a mere meter left before the crash, when England turned sharply the wheel to avoid the blast.
"Francis!"
Despite his previous antics, France opened his jacket with a swift movement and took out from its internal pockets two grey metal cans. He got rid of the safety pin holding the ring with his teeth and then he promptly threw them at the shocked police officers. Soon a thick dark smoke enveloped them, smoke that became even thicker as France added to the two smoke bombs also a couple of tear gas canisters before England closed the window to protect his family from France's bombs.
The diversion proved to be quite effective, and successfully blinded America's police officers long enough to allow England to U-turn and disappear down a side road.
"Why the hell did you have smoke bombs on you!?" America, scared to the core, still didn't dare to disentangle from his brother.
"Wait, the real question is: how the hell did dad know that papa had them on him!?" Canada countered, feeling in no better shape than his brother was. "There's something deeply illogical in all of this!"
"Oh, c'mon guys, you should know by now that France is always ready for a riot, especially when he is in strike season." England's accommodating tone of voice didn't manage to calm down either nation.
"Strike season?" America stared worriedly around himself, searching with his eyes for more of France's protest material. "Are you bringing us to a riot?"
"My darlings, if you want a riot, I can bring you to one. I can also help you organise your little personalised riot, if you want, it's not like your citizens lack reasons to rebel." France offered nicely, as quietly as if he was proposing a stroll on the Champs Elysees. "Still, for now, I only planned to bring you to do some camping in the woods, as we did when you were children."
"Camping!?"Canada sighed in disbelief. "How did camping evolved into a flight from the American police, then?!"
"Well... I don't really have an answer to that, mon chou." France admitted, playing distractedly with one of the safety pin ring of one of his smoke bombs. "Let's say that it just happened."
"Just happened?" Canada's tone of voice turned even lower and unconvinced. "Like you two getting banned by your airlines?"
"They were what!?"
"Boys, stop chatting." England interrupted the banter, barely affected by the commotion surrounding him. "We have another block to crash before we can cross the state border. Francis, I need your experience in making a mess once more."
"Mais oui, mon amour. Avec plaisir~"
The younger nations swore and held once again closer to one another, as their parents reprised the same manoeuvre they did before as if they were professional stuntmen. After France had blinded also the border agents, England drove away from the main road, hoping that this was enough to lose track of them so no one would follow. Only when they were certain that the road was clear, they finally headed at full speed to Ohio to their initial destination: a little area in the woods in which they used to do camping when the boys were children.
The place certainly had changed in the latest century, turning from a wild spread of small bushes and tall grass to a pretty well kept clearing, ideal for families to go during holidays and weekends. The small lake that they remembered dark and filled with any kind of debris had now crystal-clear water that allowed the occasional tourist to see the fishes swimming in there.
The sharp difference between their memories and reality made both France and England feeling nostalgic, but there was little they could do to rewind time and go back to those carefree days they had spent there with their baby boys.
Baby boys that had -without any doubt- grown up and changed, no differently than the place itself. Only because it was different, however, it didn't mean that it was worse, and that single thought was enough to steal a smile from their lips. They looked away from the scenery to stare at one another, and gravitated towards each other for comfort, as they tried to refocus on what was France's initial project.
The turmoil of getting America away from his meeting had certainly taken everyone's mind off their personal problems, but it had also left the two younger nations quite shaken. The fresh air and the pleasant nature all around them was not enough to calm them down, since they recognised the place even less than what their parents did. Moreover, they were also by now completely unaccustomed to take a holiday away from the city, no matter how often they'd done that in the past.
As France noticed them staring at their phones out the corner of his eye, he knew he had to act quickly.
Before they could start worrying again about the problems they had left at home, France resorted to a drastic confiscation of every piece of tech that could give them information about the outside world. With their smartphones switched off and the radios gone, they would have no other choice than relax, and their holiday could properly start.
"So boys, what we need now-"
"C'mon, dad France, like you really have to tell me how to camp in my country." America cut France's paternal speech off, making him huff in annoyance.
"Alright, then." He conceded with an elegant flip of his hand. "You tell us where to start. We'll be listening."
America was taken by surprise by how quickly France had handed the task over to him, but after a quick glance around to check his family's reactions, he decided that it could even not be a trap. He took a deep breath, then, and attempted going along with it.
"Well, we need wood for the fire and... something to eat. You can gather mushrooms and berries, go fishing or hunt something down. It all depends on where you are and what you like."
"No matter what we like, mushrooms and berries are a must on my opinion." England crossed his arms on his chest, staring pensively in front of himself. "Fishing and hunting can always go wrong, you need a backup plan. Moreover, they don't go waste so you can stock up."
"I do agree with you, but luckily you won't have to bother about that, mon amour~" In front of his family's confused stares, France went back to the car to get his backpack and then opened it in front of the others. He removed his sleeping bag and a few changes of clothes, revealing to his shocked family that almost half of its content was packed food. "You see? It's certainly not enough for the whole holiday, but if a couple of times we miss hunting and fishing we won't have to rely only on what we gather in the woods."
"Dad France, are you sure that you brought enough clothes?" America took his chance to point out. "I mean, I'm not complaining since you brought food, but you usually are… well, you change a lot."
"I do realise we're not on a shopping holiday in Paris, you know that right?"
"I don't think clothes will be a problem." England came to France's rescue, honestly surprised by all the planning France had put into this holiday. "He can always borrow mine- I mean, what he packed for me. I guess food is only in your backpack, right?"
"Yeah, having some emergency food with us was a priority, but exactly because we wear more or less the same size and I don't expect to stay here a month, we can just share." France put everything back inside his backpack and put it on his shoulders, planning to bring it back to the car until they were settled. "So, I'll venture will England to gather something good to eat, you guys can take up the task to find some dry wood for the fire, is that all right?"
America and Canada shared a suspicious glance between the two of them, both highly considering the chance to raise their voices against such a division of duties. After some silent exchange of opinions, however, they decided that mixing up the pairings would have caused more harm than good, so they accepted the proposal.
Despite America and Canada's fears, France and England kept themselves close to them in their search for food, erasing the younger nations' doubt that the division of duties was just an excuse to get some personal time together. They still surreptitiously kept an eye on them, taking advantage of the fact that searching for dry wood at the beginning of a forest required less focus than avoiding poisonous mushrooms and berries.
They were so distracted by keeping an eye on their parents, that when they heard a noise coming from behind them, they both jumped on the spot.
"W-what was that!?"
"It's your country, you should know." Canada complained, as he rose one dubious eyebrow at America, who had just hidden himself behind him while looking around for the source of the noise. "There shouldn't be wild animals so near the clearing, though..."
"Boys, calm down, it's just some noise." France tried to reassure both nations. "Besides, I hardly think that it would be a problem for any of us taking on some wild beasts, if we were to meet any."
"Yeah, but it has been a really long time since-"
"Shall we go check?" England gave the bag he was filling to France as he heard the sound once again. "C'mon, knowing who is there is the only way to be sure that there's no danger. Canada, stay with France. America, this is your country so you are coming with me."
America swallowed, but eventually left the wood he had gathered next to his brother and followed England towards the general direction of the noise. As they heard it once more but somewhat louder than before, they noticed one of the nearby bushes moving slightly. Even though they could see nothing and the bush was quite small, America still slowly moved behind his father.
"Weren't you a hero?" England teased, adoring how putting their kids on some unfamiliar ground was allowing him and France to enjoy playing the parents once again. "Is a hero normally scared of some little noise?"
"O-of course not! I'm just, uhm... Watching your back."
England chuckled at America's reasoning and proceeded to check the suspicious bush. As soon as he moved apart the upper branches, the only wild animals that scurried away in search of another shelter were a couple of squirrels and a little rabbit. The latter looked still quite unsure about what were his better options to save himself, though, so after a couple of tentative jumps he stopped to look up at the intruders.
He was chunky, with short grey-brown fur, and a short, fluffy white tail. Despite the obvious fear, its dark eyes stared at the two nations also with some amount of curiosity.
Amused by how he hadn't escaped as soon as he had seen them, England took the rabbit in his arms and started to pet it on his head, before turning to America in order to show him properly their little guest.
"Here it is: the scariest of the wild beasts."
"Hell, I probably overthought it a bit too much."
"Don't worry, your secret is safe with us." France chuckled as he joined them to have a look at the little rabbit. "I know that we talked about hunting, but I would leave this little one alone."
The rabbit, who was just barely calming down in England's arms, raised his long ears in alarm at France's words, immediately quietening when the French nation started to scratch him behind his ear.
"Is there a moment in your life when you are not thinking about food?" England chastised his husband, but the big grin he received as an answer made him understand that he had offered France the best way to tease him on a silver plate. "Wait, I meant-"
"Of course, mon cœur, every time I'm thinking about you f-"
"Dads, the wood!" Canada, who was the only one who still couldn't move, was quick interrupting his French father, much to everyone's relief. "We still have to get our dinner and pitch the tents!"
France huffed and crossed his arms on his chest in disappointment at the interruption, but both America and England were glad to catch Canada's assist and go back to the initial plan.
England let go of the little rabbit, who was quick making himself scarce, stopping only a moment to check behind himself that they weren't following him before disappearing in the woods.
They went back to their own tasks and soon they deemed to have enough wood and edible backup food, so they could move back to the clearing to prepare the campfire and debate on what the main dish for their dinner could be. Considering their previous experience with the rabbit, easily they agreed on fish, taking up the opportunity given by the nearby lake.
America had hoped for some big catch, but luck had not been on their side and the whole family ended up with many small pale fishes. Never to be one to leave size questioning his ability to cook up something edible, France put himself at work, taking out his emergency cooking set of spices and ordering his family to go get in the woods whatever he hadn't brought with him. After some time, a delicious smell filled the camping area making everyone's stomach grumble.
While France cooked their dinner, America and Canada busied themselves putting up the tents, whilst England went gathering some more wood for the fire. Finally having the chance to do something at their own leisure, without the anxieties brought by their respective governments, was making everyone relax and enjoy the different setting.
The only thing that was increasingly becoming difficult was not to drool at the heavenly smell of the stew France had been cooking, but luckily, it would just be a matter of time until they were all called to dinner. A dinner they would hopefully enjoy without America watching his news, without Canada and England always on the phone because their sovereigns kept texting and calling them, and especially without France being called in the middle of everything by the Unions every time his president had once again concocted something stupid.
Yeah, France had been right: a holiday had been long deserved.
T.B.C