Rudeus made me lose confidence in my abilities as a father. He taught himself to read, he taught himself magic, and sometimes it feels like he is teaching himself the sword. He was smart, dutiful, and polite. There was never really a reason to worry about him. Hell Lilia had suggested we take a hands off approach with him. She knew better than either of us, but it always rubbed me the wrong way.
I was proven right during Roxy's final exam. It was the first time Rudeus had ever acted out. It was minor he had just hidden from us but it was a sign of how attached he got to Roxy. We had all wanted to scold him harshly but when I saw the guilt and fear on his face I held back. I thought for years he just wasn't expressive, since he hadn't cried as a baby but I was wrong. Rudi's emotions always showed clearly on his face, we had just failed to make him feel something.
Well, except for his birthday. That was another failing of ours. Our neglect of the boy had made that relatively modest party seem like something massive. I was a spoiled brat, who only cared about chasing skirts. I took everything for granted. Rudi that day cried like he thought nobody had ever loved him.
Until today I thought that Rudeus might be another man's son with how different he was from me. Of course Zenith would never cheat on me, well that wasn't the reason I knew he was mine. I knew it was her first time blood and all, and the only other men around her before she found out were Tallhand and Gisu. I knew for certain Tallhand had different preferences and well I always suspected Gisu did too. Needless to say he was my son and today he showed it for the first time.
Ada came to the house with her son. His face had a shallow cut and there were more across his upper body. In an instant I got ready for a monster hunt but she told me Rudi had done it. He must have antagonized him was what I thought but that was the wrong way to think about it. No matter what this boy did I needed to correct this behavior, so when Rudi returned to the house without an ounce of guilt I saw red.
For an instant after I hit him and again when I raised my hand to strike again. He gave me a look like hit me again and see what happens. But there was more to it. He had my temper boiling beneath the surface. I don't doubt if I struck him again a real fight would have started. Not that I would lose to a kid but Rudi seemed ready for blood.
That was what was scary. Rudi with his saint class magic and sword skills could easily kill a person, or worse he could be like me. I threw a tantrum and ruined Lilia's entire life. She should have been married with kids running her family's training hall. Instead during one of my own tantrums I took all of that from her. He was better than me in so many ways but I needed him to be better than that.
I was in the wrong. In my fear I projected my own issues onto him. Even if he was like me Rudi had far more self control than me. My old man was a bastard who treated me like shit so I ran away the first chance I got. If it had been me and my father today I would have attacked him. Maybe this is how my father felt when he scolded me.
That being said it didn't happen today but that doesn't mean it won't in the future. The way he calmly explained the way he would have hurt Sommel if he did didn't sit well with me. A shitty hypocrite like me couldn't ever get him off of this path. I need to find a good role model for this boy, so that he can grow into a good man.
Also I needed to talk to that boy to find out how he really got those cuts. I believe Rudi didn't do it but I should verify exactly how it happened.