Prologue 1:
"Sir, please, just one minute of your time!" Erika hurried after the director, waving the stack of papers in her hand in one last desperate plea. She'd worked so hard on this, she knew it wasn't complete yet, but maybe with a little guidance she could complete her masterpiece!
"Ma'am, I don't have time for unfinished work," the director replied as he turned back to look at her over his glasses, stopping her in her tracks and immediately making her feel small. "If you ask one more time, I'll put it through the shredder. Come back when it's finished and maybe I'll give it the time of day."
With that, he turned and left her standing there, hugging the pages of music to her chest, deflated by not even being given the chance. She knew she shouldn't have listened to her mother encouraging her to just ask him to look, of course the director of the Capitol opera is way too busy to even give her the time of day!
She sniffled and wiped her nose on her sleeve, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment to compose herself to at least get out of there with her head held high. She wasn't going to let them see her break like this, then she would never get an in with them. But when she turned to head to the exit, she screamed a little and jumped at getting startled by the man standing there. "Dude, warn a woman next time you sneak up on her!" she said as she put a hand over her racing heart, cheeks blushing in embarrassment when she realized just who it was standing there. The latest hotshot in the opera, pegged by everyone to be the next lead tenor. And he was even more gorgeous in person, fuck, she should not even be allowed to be within a five foot radius of him!
Christian laughed at her reaction and gave her a sunny grin as he tucked his hands into his pockets. "Sorry about that," he said with a shrug. "I…couldn't help but overhear…" he continued and Erika grimaced at that, just about ready to run out of there in embarrassment and never look back. "Oh don't take it personally, Antoine is a dick to everyone."
Erika gasped at him just saying that about the director of the opera and looked around nervously, fearful that he somehow overheard them. "I'm sure he's just a very busy man…" she said softly before she sighed as she glanced down at the pages in her arms. "He's right, I never should have wasted his time with something unfinished."
"Oh I'm sure it's good, don't say that," Christian said with a frown at her looking so down on herself. Then he held out his hand to her and Erika stared down at it with wide eyes of shock, not moving a muscle until she knew just what he wanted from her. "Can I see it?"
"Oh…" Erika replied and looked at the music again, suddenly so protective of her work…
"Oh, I'll be nice," Christian added with a laugh at her hesitation. "Or I'll make you a deal. I'll take you to dinner if you let me see it and tell me all about it."
"I'm sorry, did you just ask me to go to dinner with you?!" Erika asked in pure disbelief and gave him a wide eyed stare of shock. Then she started shaking her head as she looked around, thinking that surely someone set him up for this. No one ever asked her to dinner… "You don't even know me. You don't even know my name!"
"Then dinner seems like a great time to get to know you! Come on, what's the harm?" Christian asked with no hesitation and gave her a winning grin as he bounced his eyebrows at her a couple times. "Oh alright, sure, I'll introduce myself first. I'm Christian Leclair."
Erika stared down at his outstretched hand for a few seconds, still thinking this was all a ruse for…something, but finally hesitantly took his hand. "Erika Sinclaire."
"Oh, name twins!" Christian laughed at that immediately as he shook her hand firmly, before gesturing towards the door. "Look at that, how can you say no when we're already matching names?"
"A pure coincidence," Erika blushed in embarrassment as he put a hand on her back, leading her to the door. "You really don't have to do this just because you feel bad for me."
"Who said I feel bad and that's why?" Christian asked with his head tilted and genuinely confused look on his face as he got the door for her.
"I don't know…" Erika replied softly with a sigh and kept her head down, still not sure what to even think of all of this.
"Maybe you just need the right muse for your music," Christian said as he started leading her down the sidewalk towards one of his favorite spots, a cozy little venue tucked off the beaten path and still somehow kept a hidden gem.
"And you think that's going to be you?" Erika asked in disbelief and let out a little snort at that. "Yeah, right. You'll forget about me by tomorrow morning. I'm nobody, but you're…" She gestured at him and sighed, because he was already on track for success.
"Ah, don't say that about yourself!" Christian said right away. "Let me at least see your music first before you say you're nothing!"
At that reminder, Erika hugged the pages to her chest tighter protectively. This was all a bad idea, she was setting herself up to get embarrassed and laughed at. "Maybe."
"Ah, okay, I see, gotta win you over first," Christian said at that, not even batting an eye at her hesitation. "I got all night, I can be patient."
"Like you'll be with me for an hour, let alone all night," Erika muttered under her breath as he got the door for her, holding it with a pleasant smile. And she searched for any ulterior motive on his face, but his eyes just showed kindness… No one ever looked at her like that. And she so desperately wanted someone to keep showing her that kindness. "Alright fine, we'll see what happens."
Christian was not going to forget about Erika by the morning, especially not after she woke up in his bed. She didn't mean to stay the night, but the conversation was so easy, they were laughing the whole time until their stomachs hurt, Christian already joking how they could just be the Clair's with their last names, and when it was time to say goodbye, they just couldn't.
Then one night turned into another, and then the next night, and so many nights after that. Soon there were shared drawers at each other's places, and he was right, he was her muse. She'd stay up late, sneaking out of bed after he'd fallen asleep and work quietly on her music, her opera…
He was right, she did need her own muse.
And over the last year, as their relationship blossomed, so did the pages of music, and she was getting closer and closer to finishing it. And while she worked, Christian grew more and more popular at the opera, and he even convinced Antoine to consider her work for real.
She had to finish it and make it the best she could make it, she had to.
And so she was up late the night before the big meeting, making last minute changes to perfect her work. She sat at her desk out in the living room, away from Christian sleeping soundly in her bed, working by candlelight as she erases and writes new notes, humming the melody and shaking her head when it isn't right. She fought back another yawn as she rubbed her eyes, refusing to go to sleep just yet. Not even if Christian came out and begged her to return to bed would she right now. This was her big chance, she can't ruin it.
Another yawn slipped through as her eyes were getting blurry, the notes on the page appearing in multiples, and that's when she knew she had to set down her pencil for a moment. She's just not done yet…it had to be perfect when they met with the director in the morning, she could sleep when she was done.
With a small groan she put her arms down on the desk and rested her head on them. Five minutes, she'd allow herself five minutes to rest her eyes before she got back to her work…
She woke to the blaring of the alarm and jolted up from the desk, disoriented and rubbing her stinging eyes. Christian ran out of the bedroom immediately, screaming her name before coughing as he tried to find her through the smoke. All it took was a knocked over candle to catch on the rug, slowly engulfing her desk in flames, and with it, her precious work.
He tried to grab her to get her out of the burning apartment, but she fought him until she escaped to run back, desperately trying to save any of her work that she could. No, she couldn't lose it now, she spent so long working on it and the big meeting was tomorrow!
"Erika!" Christian screamed at her as he tried to run after her, only to get stopped by a neighbor grabbing him at the door to try and help them.
"I can't lose it!" Erika cried out as she saw her desk in flames, all those years of hard work, and she just didn't think, she ran right over, reaching through the flames to grab whatever she could salvage. Even when she could feel the fire on her face and screamed in pain, she didn't leave, not until she had all the smoldering pages in her arms. And as she stumbled back towards the door coughing as the smoke filled her lungs and Christian screamed for her, she collapsed to the ground, still holding her precious score…
She didn't want to be seen in the opera, she didn't want anything to do with it anymore. Not after the fire burned the side of her face, leaving her disfigured, and destroyed her work. Some of it still remained, but she'd have to spend months, if not over a year, trying to fix it again, and even then, she feared it would never be the same again, never good enough…
Just like her.
She tried to push Christian away during the recovery, tried to hide her hideous face, yet he wouldn't leave her side, that stupid man. Even took time off from the opera – potentially jeopardizing his own career – just to be with her in the recovery.
And he was there when she finally got the custom fitted mask to wear, hiding the scars from the world.
"Ohoho, you look so mysterious," Christian said with a grin at her, always staying optimistic despite all they lost from the fire. And yet, they were rebuilding their lives together, in a new apartment that was better than the last. He could see the positives from it, but she still was lost.
"I look stupid," Erika commented as she turned away from the mirror and fidgeted with the placement of the mask. Of course it fit well, it was made for her…yet it still didn't feel right. But at least people wouldn't stare any longer at the burn scars, instead just staring at the weirdo with a mask covering half her face.
"Hey, no you don't," Christian said as he grabbed her hands and pulled her closer to him, stopping her from turning away to hide from him. And when she tried to keep her head down and avoid eye contact with him, he took one hand to gently lift her chin to look at him. "I still think you are beautiful. You're still my Erika, and I just…" He started to tear up at that and Erika shook her head at him. "I still don't know what I would have done if I lost you."
"You didn't," Erika replied, even if inside she still felt as if she lost herself when she lost her work. "I'm still here, somehow…"
"I just keep thinking about what could have happened," Christian sighed at that and held her hands a little tighter. "How I could have lost you before we even got to have our life together… I don't want to have that fear ever again. Marry me."
"What?" Erika asked in disbelief at the suddenness of that and finally looked up at him, mostly to give him a look of disbelief. "Now?"
"Sure, now, tomorrow, in a month, just…promise me you'll marry me at some point," Christian said, almost coming out at a plea at the hesitation on her face. "I know you don't want to be seen right now, and that's okay. We can wait, I'll wait for you. Please, Erika…"
"Okay," Erika whispered at that, unable to say no to him with that pleading look he was giving her. It was sudden, she didn't have time to even really think about it, but the best decisions they'd made together were when he was spontaneous and didn't give her time to overthink it.
"Yeah?" Christian asked, the pleading look gone in an instant and replaced with a big hopeful grin, that turned to full happiness and laughter when she nodded her head. He quickly scooped her up in a big hug, picked up from the floor that made her cry out a little in surprise at the suddenness of it. Then he was spinning her around and for the first time in months since the fire, she found herself smiling and laughing with him. "Yes! I love you, my fiancé!"
"Okay okay, put me down!" Erika laughed as he listened to her and set her back down, only to immediately give her a kiss before she could say anything else. At least, until he pulled back with a gasp and grabbed at his cheeks in dismay. "What's wrong?" she asked, suddenly worried that it was something to do with her, some reason he changed his mind already…
"I don't have a ring to give you!"
She still wasn't quite sure what she was doing walking into the Games Headquarters, didn't quite feel like she belonged there. But these days, she barely felt like she belonged anywhere these days.
She was mostly there at Christian's encouragement and she didn't want to let him down. He was just so excited at the open call for Gamemakers to fill in spots for the 102nd Games, even if she was a lot more hesitant about it. It just didn't bode well that they were reaching out to the public, not just pulling from those that went to school for it…
Desperate. That's what they were. Desperate to find anyone to work for the Games as they kept shifting from President to President, Head Gamemaker to Head Gamemaker after the Quell – even if they're absolutely not supposed to talk about it and by her own dumb luck, she knows very little about. How convenient.
Only months away from the Games starting, and here she was, waiting to meet with this year's poor sap who had to run them. She kept her gaze down at her hand as she waited, not wanting to make eye contact with the people also in the room, notice the stares at her mask. And she smiled to herself at the little ring on her hand. Took that idiot months to pick out one he liked, when she would have been happy with anything he gave her.
He was way too good for her.
"Erika Sinclaire?"
She looked up at her name, finding a woman standing in the doorway holding a clipboard to her chest and tweaking her red winged glasses. Tired eyes hide behind the glasses as the exhausted Games Historian waves her in. "Okay, I'm going to need you to come with me."
"Of course," Erika said and immediately got up to follow her, hurrying to catch up with the fast clicks of her heels. She led her into an open room with the current Head Gamemaker sitting there, clutching a coffee mug to his chest and struggling to keep his eyes open at this point.
"So, you want to be a Gamemaker?" he asked right away, straight to the point as Natasha closed the door behind them.
"Well, I suppose so," Erika said as she slowly sat down across from him and Natasha started flipping through her application. "I mean, I'm here, right? I wouldn't be if I didn't want to…"
"So you were a musician?" Natasha asked, interrupting her as she glanced up and tweaked her glasses once more.
"Composer," Erika corrected and couldn't quite hold back her grimace at the memories. She fidgeted with her mask a little bit before putting her hands back in her lap. "I had an accident and since then been figuring out what to do. My fiance encouraged me to come here, actually…"
"I'm sold," the Head Gamemaker said as he sat down his coffee cup. "If she can compose music, she can create for the Games. Get her started with the welcome packet and get her up to speed."
"Yes sir," Natasha replied as she flipped through her clipboard to get a stack of papers, which she passed over to Erika, who sat there looking stunned. "Here's a recap of where we are with Games planning at this time, along with recent do's and don'ts – a lot of the latter – from recent years. Feel free to ask me if you have any questions, it's my job to know anything and everything about the Games."
"Sooo…just like that I'm a Gamemaker?" Erika asked as she picked up the packet and started flipping through it. "Sorry, I'm just…shocked."
"Well, get over it fast, we have a lot of work to do," the Head Gamemaker said as he got up to refill his coffee. "I have more people to see, so make sure you report in 8 AM Monday morning with the rest of the desperate people I pick."
She can't do this anymore. She tried to stick it out for one more Games after the 102nd were so miserable at Christian's begging. And she was hopeful at first too that it would be better under a new Head Gamemaker.
But it was still the same shit, just under a different name.
And so, after the train had left to take Kiari home to District Eight, Erika put on her best suit, draped in a cape, and held her head high as she walked down the hall towards the Head Gamemaker's office to turn in her official letter of resignation. Her heels clicked down the hallway and she knew she was getting some looks, but she didn't care. This was overdue, it was time for her to move on with life. The job had did its duty to get her up and moving again, and there were times when she did enjoy the work. But it wasn't worth the stress of trying to follow someone's exact orders and fearing their reaction if she messed up.
She knocked on the door and heard Natasha's voice call out to her. "Come in!"
Huh. That was…odd. But she didn't want to dwell on it and opened up the door, only to stop in her tracks when she saw Natasha sitting there with President Muirenn Donovan. "Madam President," Erika said after a couple seconds and cleared her throat as she gave a little curtsey, unsure of the proper etiquette for meeting the president! She thought she was meeting with her dumb boss, not the President of fucking Panem!
"Come in and shut the door, please," Muirenn instructed her and Erika quickly did as she asked. When she gestured at the seat across from her, she also quickly sat down.
"Am I…in trouble?" Erika asked quietly as she glanced between Muirenn and Natasha, before hiding the resignation letter under the desk. "And where's Head Gamemaker Romero?"
"No longer with us," Muirenn said coolly and Erika cleared her throat at that nervously. Well…she wasn't shocked, but also…what did that mean for her? "Natasha gave me a report on our Gamemakers and I have chosen you to take over as Head Gamesmistress."
"Me?" Erika asked stupidly and pointed at her chest, before shaking her head. "I…" She glanced down at the resignation letter in her lap before setting it on the desk. "Ma'am, I was planning on resigning today."
"Because Romero was awful, yes, we all know he was terrible," Muirenn said and Erika looked back up at her, before glancing back down at her lap nervously when the President took the resignation letter to read it over. "But you would be in full control as Head Gamesmistress. You would pick the team, run it as you think it is best…be the composer writing the Games."
Erika balled her fists at that comparison to being a composer, but of course the President knew that detail about her. One quick glimpse at Natasha's face said it all, the historian told the President everything. And…it's a tempting picture. That was always her biggest source of her unhappiness, working under someone else. If she was in control…
"Think it over and give an answer in a week," Muirenn said at her silence and slid the resignation letter back over to her. Erika didn't quite believe that she had a choice here, but…well, did she even really need to decide?
"Yes, ma'am," Erika replied softly as she took the letter and looked down at it, before folding it up to tuck into her pocket. Already the ideas were forming in her head of what she could do, how she could run the team…
"I will be looking forward to our meeting."
"Woo! There's my unemployed fiance!" Christian yelled out when she walked through the door and then popped off streamers, making her flinch a little bit at the sound. Somehow, in the hour she was gone, he managed to put up some decorations to celebrate, knowing how much she needed to quit.
And yet, she didn't. She sighed as she slowly took off her shoes, not wanting to look at him because she just knew he would know immediately. "Hi," she said quietly as she glanced up at him, before taking off her cape and hanging it up on the hooks by the door.
"What's wrong?" Christian asked right away as he came over to her, setting aside the streamers and taking the little plastic headband saying Congrats off his head before he reached her. He took her hand immediately and that made her start tearing up, just knowing she was about to disappoint him. "Did Romero freak out?"
"No," Erika said and turned away from him, letting go of his hand. She walked over to the couch and sat down, taking off the mask so she could rub her face and eyes. "Romero's gone."
"Gone?" Christian asked as he sat down next to her. He held out his hand to her, but she just put her face in her hands. "Like, gone gone?"
"I don't know and I don't think I want to know," Erika replied because that was dangerous knowledge to have. And yet, she was about to step into an even more dangerous spot… She moved her hands so she could look at him when she broke the news. "President Donovan was there to offer me the job."
"She…what?" Christian asked with a nervous laugh, clearly in disbelief at that – which was exactly how Erika felt. "You told her no, right?" She stayed silent at that and he moved a little bit to get a better look at her. "Erika."
"Christian," she replied quietly. Her eyes were blurred with tears, just preparing for his reaction. "She told me to give it a week to think it over."
"Fuck, Erika, why didn't you just say no?" Christian asked as he got up to his feet to pace in front of her. "You can't seriously be thinking about taking it. That place has made you miserable for the last year!"
"Yes, working under Romero," Erika pointed out as she watched him and rubbed her arms nervously. "But this would be different…I'd be the one in control, composing all of it…"
"You can't seriously be considering this," Christian said as he stopped his pacing to take a good look at her. And she could see the disappointment on his face as he looked at her, knowing her decision was already made, and that disappointment broke her damn heart. "Erika, we can't keep doing this."
"It's not we, it's me!" Erika replies as she gets up to face him, not liking him standing over him in this as she can feel the argument coming in the air. "I have a chance to be the one calling the shots for the first time in years after I lost my work! I haven't found something that gave me that same spark ever since the fire, and this could be it! So why do you so badly want me to not do this?!"
"I don't give you that spark?" Christian asked her quietly.
"That's not what I meant," Erika said to try and correct herself. She took a step towards him, only for him to take a step back and hold out his hand to stop her. "Christian…"
"Are you really going to this over us?" Christian asked her with eyes just begging her to choose him. And right now…she didn't know if she could.
"I need to choose the best for me," Erika told him honestly. "I can't keep sitting in your shadow. I'm sorry."
"You really think that?" Christian asked in disbelief before shaking his head at her. "I've never thought that about us… I just want you to be happy and this job has been making you miserable for so long now… How can you possibly choose this?"
"I'll never find that happiness again with composing," Erika told him as her hand brushed the scars on her face, long since healed, but still a bitter reminder. "This is my chance to be happy."
"And I don't make you happy enough?" Christian asked before he shook his head and got up, putting up a hand to stop her from answering. "Don't. I don't want to hear it."
"Christian…" Erika said, unsure what to say as she watched him go to the door and start putting on his shoes. "Where are you going?"
"I don't know," Christian replied honestly as he turned back towards her with a pained look. "Guess I need to go find my own happiness elsewhere."
"No, Christian, please, we can figure this out," Erika pleaded with him as she got up to go to the door to stop him, but he just closed the door behind him without looking back. She could hear him turn his key in the lock as she put her hand on the door, before resting her head against it as she let out a sob. "I have to do this. Please, believe me…"
He didn't come back that night. She slept on the couch waiting, hoping she would hear him walk through that door. Or at least, she tried to sleep, too worried to sleep and then too upset when she realized he wasn't returning.
And when her alarm went off, she was already awake and just silently went through the motions of getting ready, prepared to report to work. And before she went out the door, she set her engagement ring down in the bowl for their keys. The decisions were made from both sides, that much was clear…
So she went to the Games Headquarters and Natasha gave her the number to get to the President, and made her decision without needing the week to decide. She was ready to do this, find her real muse…
And when she got home, she found the apartment empty, a few of Christian's items packed up and a note on the table for her, and her ring gone.
If you change your mind, you know where to find me. - Christian
She teared up at that note, the realization that he really did leave her, before she crumpled it up and tossed it aside as she let out a sob. He didn't understand what she had been through, to spend years working towards something just to lose it in an instant with it being her fault. She fell asleep and let the candle start the fire, burning it all down.
And she thought she was happy with him, without composing, but she was just lying to herself. She didn't know if she could find happiness in any work she did, but taking over for the Hunger Games…
This was her chance. This was her muse. This would be her true masterpiece.
Am I a fool for starting another story in the year of 2024? Yes. But do I have any regrets? Of course not!
Behold, Delusions of Candor: The 104th Hunger Games! This is canonically in the Celticverse, not the Engineeringverse (obviously with Celtic's permission and encouragement) and I will be staying in canon with her partials and ultimately her trilogy. So if you love Celtic's stories, well so do I so come join me as I make as many references and connections to characters no one knows but us!
Is it technically a partial SYOT? Yes, it is, as in I have tributes from Celtic, Dreamer, and Legend. Am I opening it up to everyone? Ehhh, debating. Each District has a featured spot that's already filled, but do I want to fill all of the non-featured spots? Not really lol. So send me a PM if you're curious and we'll see from there. But no careers, I'm filling the career pack (for Obvious Reasons).
I'm being super no fucks given with this story, if that hasn't been obvious. It's purely for my own self-indulgence and so I expect nothing from anyone else. The only rule is there are no rules, and I don't make the rules. If you're gonna be upset I don't write your character, this story ain't for you. I'm writing this for fun and to make convoluted references to characters in Celtic's verse I love way too much. Also like, escorts? Idk I probably won't write them. They'll get a mention in passing but that's probably it. Send a PM with whatever info if you want an escort in here and maybe I'll include them (yeah that's how little I care about writing them, don't even have a form lol).
Welcome to Lauren Airlines - Celtic Airlines had to commission an extra plane, but don't worry, we still have your complementary peanuts and promise a smooth ride! Your flights attendants Syca, Garrett, Elliot, Isabella, Sabine, and Damian are here to assist you in an emergency. If you need air masks at any time, please help yourself before helping any small children with you. Enjoy your flight!