Jack: Axe.
Kimiko: No
Clay: Hammer.
Raimundo: No…
Omi: Lava?
Clay: Nooo…
Kimiko: The kuzusu atom!
Omi: No.
Jack: Bomb.
Raimundo: No!
Jack: No, no! Hear me out! Like, a big, big bomb!
Clay: N-no.
Jack: Sigh.
Silence…
Omi: A bucket of glue!
Dojo: That might wo-
Kimiko: No!
Jack: "What if… Dojo eats it?
Dojo: Dude, not cool!
All 5 monks and Dojo were traveling to who knows where. Apparently, and true to master Fung's word, Jack had an elemental wu, and if he had an elemental wu, then that means that he has a wudai weapon too. And so they started traveling in search of it. And what better way to do that than cowboy style? Cowboy hats, cowboys clothes, beans and onion, all that was missing is for them to ride on horses.
But they didn't have horses, so instead they took the crouching cougar to pull the cowboy cart they were in. As they started traveling they barely managed to calm Jack down from his excitement of getting his own wudai weapon. When he did calm down, they started thinking up ways to destroy the Heart of Jong. While they were reluctant at first about Jack's idea, they came in terms that it was for the best to destroy it in the end, the real question was-
"How the fuck are we gonna do it?!", Jack all but yelled in frustration, "Language.", Kimiko muttered while rubbing her temples, "What if we just try to hide it? Like I did with the golden tiger claws?", Omi suggested, "Wuya can still sense it, plus, even if you throw the heart to the center of the Earth, that's not gonna stop the forces of evil from trying to get their hands on it.", Dojo argued.
They all sighed in defeat, and after a moment, Raimundo asked "What if we combine all of our most powerful attacks against it? Orion formation combined with the elemental wus and the wudai weapons!", "That sounds like a plan.", Clay agreed while rubbing his chin in thought.
"And what if that doesn't work either?", Kimiko asked with arms crossed, "Don't be such a party pooper, what's the harm in trying?", Jack asked, "The harm in trying, is you immediately starting to cuss out in 7 different languages and Omi getting influenced!", Jack started laughing, "Oh please, I've been swearing ever since I joined the temple, there's no way Omi didn't already got at least a little bit influenced by now.".
Omi rose an eyebrow, "You're speaking as if you are trying to make me say bad language words, Jack.", "I am!", Jack admitted, "Jack!", Kimiko shouted, "I tried too and failed miserably.", Raimundo confessed, "Rai!", Kimiko yelled at him now, "Not very kind of you there pardner.", "Oh shut up! I've heard you cussing like a sailor just the other day when you stubbed your toe!", "It hurt like a goddamn cow getting stuck up in a fence with its tail sticking up, okay?!", "Clay!", Kimiko screamed again.
Jack turned towards Omi and placed a hand on his shoulder, "Nothing would ever make me more proud of you than hearing you saying the word 'Fuck'.".
"JACK!"Everybody yelled at him, "Comon, with an accent on f, say fu-", Raimundo pulled Omi away from him and covered his mouth while glaring at him and Jack laughed again, "You losers can't stop me!", he relaxed against the cart with two hands behind his head and one leg above the other, "I will do the only thing that not even Chase Young managed to do while Omi was evil! You are going to swear, and I will treasure that memory for years!".
"I will never swear!", "That's what all innocent kids say. But you're not innocent, just a naive goodie, goodie, two shoes.", "What does that even mean?!", "Look what you've done Jack! You've given Omi a headache!", Kimiko yelled at him and punched him in the arm, "OW! Meanie!", "You're mean!", Raimundo yelled, "And you have a bad mouth! My momma would wash it with 5 soap bars!", Clay said as he crossed his arms, "Jokes on you! I ate soap bars when I was a kid! It's just bitter flavored fat!", "Disgusting!", Raimundo exclaimed, "At this point you cussed so much that you're immune to rinsing your mouth with soap?!", Kimiko asked with disdain, "Oh, you think I can't resist the urge to cuss?!", "Of course I think you can't resist the urge to cuss! Have you ever seen yourself when you try? You are growing veins on your neck!", "Well … You're right! And I will make Omi cuss too someday!", "Come on Jack! This is ridiculous!", Raimundo yelled.
Then they all started an incomprehensible screaming argument.
Dojo looked ahead at the road with a twitching eye and a developing rash of annoyance. Then he turned around to look at them and shouted "Hey!", incomprehensible screaming keeps going, "HEY!", incomprehensible screaming dies down.
All kids look at the annoyed dragon, "Do you hear this?", Dojo asked, they stayed quiet and Clay asked "Hear what pardner?", "EXACTLY! STOP SHOUTING!", "Yes Dojo, sorry Dojo.", they all spoke and stayed quiet, some pouting, others looking around in embarrassment.
After a while, Omi said "But you could try to diminish the swearings.", Jack rose an eyebrow and asked "Like how?", "You're talking like you can't live a day without cussing.", Kimiko said while rolling her eyes, "I can't. It's part of my life!", "Oh no! Jack needs to cuss or he's gonna die!", Kimiko warned with an amused but still annoyed smirk on her face.
Jack rolled his eyes and asked Omi, "How should I diminish my swearings?", "Just use different words.", Omi suggested, Jack sighed, "Fiiiiine. I can't believe I am agreeing with this. I am sure I am gonna forget about it anyway.", "We can help with that.", Clay suggested with a smile, while tilting his hat. Raimundo snorted, "Dibs on kicking him in the butt if he says something bad!", "Pedrosa, I swear to-", "How about we just warn him?", Omi suggested, hoping to ease the tension, "Sounds good to me. Though I think Raimundo's idea was far better.", Kimiko agreed, and Jack just rolled his eyes.
"We're here kids!", Dojo announced as he stopped the cougar.
They all got out of the cart and looked around, they were in the middle of nowhere. Rocks, cacti and tumbleweeds everywhere, with a canion nearby.
"I hope these cacti are friendly.", Omi nervously said while hiding behind Clay, "Are you sure about this place pardner?", Asked Clay while adjusting his hat, "Of course I am! It must be around here somewhere. Plus, if the weapon feels Jack, it's gonna come to him.", "How? Is it alive?", "My Shimo Staff has feelings, so I think so, right my beautiful staff?", Omi said while cooing his wudai weapon.
"How come it doesn't melt?", Jack couldn't help but ask, and the staff started to angrily move in Jack's way, who in turn, raised both hands in defense "Jack! You hurt its feelings!", Omi yelled, "Jack, common man!", Raimundo placed his hands on his hips while glaring at him, "Shame on you!", Kimiko crossed her hands, "Ya insensitive snake!", Clay commented, "Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your cow!", Dojo made motions with his hands, "Alright, alright! I'm sorry, Gosh! Why are you all jumping on me like that?!".
Unknown to them, somebody was watching their every move, listening to their very intelligent conversation.
Wuya rolled her eyes in annoyance and looked at Hannibal who was sitting on her shoulder, "Why must we waste our time here instead of looking for the Tonfas of Lei? Certainly you are not concerned over Jack improving if he gets his weapon?", "Hannibal covered his now very scarred chest with one of his roots, but otherwise he smirked and said "Wuya, I know your powers increased, but even you can't look after a wu that hasn't activated yet. Instead we could make sure that this traitor doesn't progress in his training more than he already had. After all, if all 5 elements get combined, we might be finding ourselves in a bit of a … difficult situation, to say the least.".
Wuya chuckled and gazed after the monks "Oh, how easy would it be to just kill him now. You must be pretty pissy about what he did to you last time.", "I would've been so glad if his whole arm blasted off. I still find it hard to believe that he changed sides. After all, world domination was his dream. What does Chase think about it?", "Since when are you curious about his opinion?", Wuya raised an eyebrow while Bean laughed, "Oh, come on, everybody loves a good gossip.", "Not Chase, he is so boring!", Wuya argued and rolled her eyes as she continued, "Every time I visit and bring up the subject, he just says stuff like 'The decisions or activities of that worm do not concern me', does he not care that the lightning element resides in his hands? After all, Dashi himself had it.".
Roy gazed after the monks again, who were climbing down a canyon now, "Eh, he was always like this, he would rather read some magazines instead.", "While drinking that yucky soup with his pinky finger up.", both snorted at that.
"So, what do you suggest we do? Do we just stop him from getting his weapon?", she asked while looking after them, "Hmm, I've got a better idea. Why don't we wait instead.", "Huh? What happened to stopping him from progressing?", "You know Jack. He is weaker mentally than physically. I want to let him have a taste of his element. Then rip it all away from him.".
Wuya's eyes widened at that, then she grinned "You're so cruel. You want to demoralize him.", "No. I want to destroy him.".
"It's not here!", Raimundo shouted while looking around, "It is here!", Dojo yelled back at him, "It's not here!", Kimiko yelled as she looked around, "Echo!" Jack screamed in the canyon, the word echoing around.
"That seems fun!", Omi said and inhalled, preparing to scream too when Clay said "Hey, guys! I found a cave!", "Do you think it's in there?", asked Jack, they all approached, "Only one way to find out.".
They all entered the cave looking around, going deep inside it, "I don't like this guys, I've seen youtube videos of people dying while caving.", Jack nervously looked around as it became darker and darker with each step they took, "Don't worry Jack! Clay over here can make a hole in a whole mountain. He can get us out with no harm done if we get lost.", Rai proudly praised Clay while patting his back, "You can do what now?!", Jack exclaimed, immediately looking at Clay, who laughed instead, "You can get creative with your element Jack.".
Then Omi continued while Kimiko created a flame in her hand to light up the way, "You may think that lightning just goes boom, but you can use your element in so many different ways, like how you did in your and Raimundo's showdown against Katnappe and Wuya. You traveled really fast for a second there.", "I … haven't thought of that! I always thought that I need to know a certain type of martial arts for that.", "Oh no, there are no special martial arts for it. You just have to discover ways to use your element by yourself.", Kimiko explained it.
Then Jack stopped and looked around, "What is it?", Omi asked and he said "I'm not sure. I felt something. I think…", he looked around some more, then, he saw it. A couple of feet away from them there was a shape in the dark, "Woaaah! Kimiko, can you light up that area?".
Kimiko spread her arms, the fire following the direction that she was pointing at, lighting up a path where they saw it.
An axe stuck with its blade in a rock, glowing a pale yellow and twitching ever so slightly to get their attention.
"Woaaah!", Raimundo exclaimed, "Well, would you look at that.", Clay smiled while adjusting his hat, "You found it Jack. Your wudai weapon!", Omi jumped in joy while Jack approached it, "Do you think this thing is gonna electrocute me or something?", "No." Kimiko answered, and he slowly reached for it, "But we should be careful. There was always something attacking us when we found ours.", she stated simply. Jack stopped and turned towards them with an unamused expression, "Now you're telling me this?", they all giggled and took a fighting pose so they could be on guard.
Jack swallowed and looked back at the weapon he extended his hand, then poke it quickly. Then tapped it. When nothing happened, he grabbed it and pulled. With a grunt he took the axe out of the stone, almost losing his balance in the process.
They all waited for something to happen, but nothing came. Jack turned around smiling, "Well, that was easier than I thought.", suddenly an earthquake started.
"Of course something HAS to happen when I say that!", he exclaimed when Clay grabbed him and the other monks, pulling them close to his body.
He then placed his hands above. "Wudai Crater Earth!", He exclaimed, then the rocky walls fell on them.
Outside of the cave, the entire canyon wall broke down. One last pebble rolled over the huge rocks and fell on the ground. For a moment, nothing happened. Then the ground started shaking, and the mountain pile of rocks that formed started moving until the ones from the bottom all flew in the air. Soon, all stones made way while a huge cloud of dust rose, and from it emerged the monks, all coughing and spitting the dirt from their mouths.
"Nice save Clay.", Kimiko said while Raimundo dusted his hat, "Yeah, thanks for that buddy.", he said.
Jack coughed and looked at the axe. The blade was reflecting the hot sun's light very brightly, it was silver and the edge of it was a bit transparent, opposite the blade was the butt, and the handle was yellow with a silver string pattern going down.
"What are you waiting for? Common dude, try it!", Jack turned around to ask "You sure I can do it he- OH VERY NICE YOU LOSERS! WHY ARE YOU ALL HIDING BEHIND ROCKS?!" He yelled annoyed while the others were smiling and waving at him, also showing thumbs up, "You can do it pall!", "You got this pardner!", "We're just gonna watch from here!", "Make sure to keep a positive attitude, it has feelings!".
Jack felt a vein popping on his temple, then looked at the axe, and inhaled nervously. He held the axe above his head, all the others were staring at him while bracing themselves, then…
"Go lightning!", Jack threw the axe before him, holding it like a sword with a hand, nothing happened. He started moving it like he was sword fighting someone, "Huah! Boom! Honka ponka! Bow chicka wow wow! Go! Shazam! Go lightning go! This isn't working guys! I think it's broken.", he said, turning towards them.
Hearing this, the axe lowered down, a small electric crack coming from it, "What's up with you?", Jack asked while holding the now jelly - like axe.
All monks crossed their arms and glared at him, "Jack! Look what you've done! You hurt its feelings!", "Common Jack! You and your ridiculous, insensitive personality! Look at it, you've made it sad!", Omi and Raimundo yelled at him, "Can't you be nice for literally five minutes?! You barely found it and the poor thing is already heartbroken!", Kimiko shook her head while holding her temple, "Ya dirty snake need to apologize right now!", Clay scolded, "DISHONOR ON YOU! DISHONOR ON YOUR COW!", Dojo made motions.
"Alright, alright!", Jack looked at the axe, it was basically a big jelly stick now, "Sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.", the axe straightened back up and cracked happily with electricity.
"Now that's more like it.", Clay said then looked at the others, "How about we eat something and then we can help Jack with it later.", "Sounds like a plan.", "Yeah, I am starving.", Raimundo and Kimiko agreed.
"I thought you'd never mention it! I am gonna cook my special recipe of beans!", Dojo happily exclaimed while rubbing his hands together, but that excitement died down when all monks, except Jack, yelled "NOOO!".
"Why not? What's wrong wit his beans?", asked Jack confused, "Exactly! What's wrong with my beans?!", Dojo asked while placing his hands on his non existent hips with a glare.
"Dojo.", Omi started, "We love you to death.", Raimundo continued, "But for Heaven's sake.", Kimiko said while facepalming, "Don't you remember last time? You know? The time when you got more bloated than a cow that needed it's stomach to get stabbed in order to release all the gas inside.", Clay finished.
"Ok, first of all, what the fuck?", Jack asked nonchalantly, "Language. Don't forget to diminish them.", Kimiko scolded but Raimundo asked "Did you ask that regarding Dojo's beans or Clay's cowboy phrase?", Clay glared at him, "Clay's.", Jack answered, Clay glared at Jack now.
Before a new incomprehensible screaming argument could start, Kimiko suggested, "Alright, what if Omi and I help Dojo cook dinner and you boys can help Jack with his wudai weapon?", Omi immediately turned around, "But Kimiko! Cooking is-", "Omi, you're adorable and all but I swear to God, if you say that cooking is a woman's job…", she warned while glaring at him.
Omi instantly started sweating, and with a nervous smile, he continued, "- not my strong point, that is for sure what I wanted to say, heheh! Also, as the dragon of water, perhaps I should be watching Jack. I mean as much as I trust him now, he is a bit imprevisible when using his element, you know, considering that he is still struggling to control it. What if he calls down a lightning that would set him on fire?", that earned a very angry "Hey!".
Omi continued, "Then, I could use water to put sideways the flames!", "It's put down the flames cheese ball.", Jack corrected, "And I think that is a terrible idea. Water and electricity don't work well together. In case Jack's gonna need some help with that, I could blow on him.", Raimundo suggested, "Or I could throw dirt on him.", Clay offered with a smile while fixing his hat.
"It worries me that you guys take this so seriously, you really think that I could set myself on fire with magic lightnings?", Jack looked between each and every one of them nervously.
They just smiled at him and showed thumbs up, "Only one way to find out!", Rai cheered while he gulped.
A few hours and precisely 254 fails later:
Kimiko steered the beans while Omi and Dojo set the blanket and spoons. They looked worriedly at their three friends, two just as worried as them and one pissed as fuck.
Jack is this close to blowing up, and not from lightnings.
He started by being stopped by Clay from cutting off his own foot, because he wanted to use the axe as if one would cut wood but Clay immediately interrupted him because he didn't keep his legs too spread for it. Then Kimiko yelled something about opening his eyes, he didn't know what that meant, his eyes were already open. Thinking that he has to call out his element might be helpful was a terrible idea! Because when he did, both his body and the axe started crackling loudly, and he electrocuted himself because of it.
Then they took a small break where Clay and Raimundo explained as best as they could about what Kimiko meant by opening his eyes, and they did demonstrations with their own weapons.
Then Jack tried again, only this time he understood too well and when he hit down with the axe, a huge lightning struck him, almost hitting Clay and Raimundo too. Both of them had hairs sticking up from electricity while Jack was steaming, his cowboy hat catching fire which Rai blew away quickly.
Then he tried again and again, because apparently, "The weapon's power isn't supposed to hit its user!", Dojo's words. And so, he kept on trying, losing his patience more and more.
Right now, he was breathing heavily in pure rage, a vein popping on his forehead, another one on his neck, with literal smoke coming out of his body. He was never a patient one. Whenever he couldn't figure out a robot he would end up throwing it across the table and going for a pudding cup. Oh boy, what he wouldn't give for a pudding cup right now.
Clay and Raimundo were hiding behind a rock, Rai being ready to blow another gust of wind if needed.
"Okay… one more… 1… 2…", "Dinner is ready!", Kimiko announced and boy, were they grateful to hear that.
Night came and they found themselves stargazing, all laying down in a circle on blankets as they talked. Everything was very peacefu-
"OH MY GOD DID YOU GUYS SEE THAT A HUGE LIZARD JUST RAN IN THAT DIRECTION WHAT THE ACTUAL FU-", Jack yelled as he got up and started crawling away "WHERE?! WHERE IS IT?!" Dojo yelled too as he slithered under Clay's hat. "OVER THERE! OVER- AAH!", Raimundo panicked as it ran towards him, "WUDAI NEPTUNE-", Omi started, but before drowning the poor critter, Clay caught him with a lasso and said "There now pardner, no need to fret over such a small looking fella. Poor little thing was just minding its own business.", he said.
" 'small looking'?!" Jack exclaimed, " 'poor little thing'?!", Kimiko continued. The lizard looked at them, then ran away.
A silent moment passed, and Jack sat back down on the blanket, taking a deep breath, "Holy shiiiiit. That was scarier than when Wuya used to wake me up.", "Language!", Raimundo said, and Jack, without any hesitation or any sign of regret, said "Divine poop.", and that made the wind dragon choke on air.
"No, wait, that's worse!", He commented and Jack laughed while he and the rest made themselves comfortable for stargazing.
Dojo came out from Clay's hat and asked, "Not trying to ruin the mood kids, but any new ideas about what we could do with the Heart of Jong?".
A grim silence followed. Kimiko broke it in the end, "No clue.", "The best thing we have at the moment is to keep it safe.", Clay said while taking off his hat and placing it on his side.
Jack sighed and looked at the axe, the light of the fire making it appear even more golden than before. He looked at the stars and held his head, feeling a headache forming.
"You guys could fully control your elements when you got your weapons?", They looked at him, then Omi answered "Yeah.", Jack turned to his side so he could look at him, placing a hand under his head, "Do you think this is why I can't use my weapon properly?".
Silence. Fire and wind looked at each other, then Raimundo stretched out his hand to hold it on Jack's shoulder, making him turn around to look at the leader, "You're worried and that is understandable. But Jack, remember. You have to stay positive too. Trust me, it takes time but it isn't impossible. You'll learn. And you learn quickly.", Jack kept silent at that, pondering over the words while looking back at the stars.
Then he grinned, "You know, that was such a cheesy way to put it.", then he felt a gust of wind blowing on his hair and rolling up his blanket. "Hey! Watch it! I can literally zap you now!", "Bring it on, nerd!" A little fight started between the two. Jack punched him in the ribs, Raimundo coughed and kicked his sheen, Jack yelped and started hopping on one foot, then he body slammed into Rai.
Clay, while still on his back with his hands behind his head and not looking at them, sighed, "Are we gonna stop them?","Nooo, I am curious who wins.", Kimiko answered while she looked after them on her belly, kicking her feet back and forth as if watching a comedy.
"Raimundo pressed his palm on Jack's eye, "Ow! Ow! OW!", Jack rubbed his palms together and slapped them on Rai's chest, who yelped at the crackling electricity and jumped back.
"That's it! I'm calling a xiaolin showdown!", He yelled, "Loser does all the chores for a whole week!" Jack then yelled "Take a wu and it's on!", "Ok guys, enough.", Dojo called out, trying to stop them.
"Ok, maybe not with wus. But I'm sure I can use my lightnings on you! If Clay lets me use his hat for extra cowboy energy, Omi says 'fuck' and Kimiko cheers for me, I will be unstoppable! The power of friendship will win!", "Oh yeah?! Well I ate two bowls from Kimiko's beans so be sure that as the wind element, I will have extra power over you!", "FUCK, THAT'S NOT FAIR!", Jack yelled.
Then Kimiko came to them and threw them both into the fire for what they said.
"Ow", Raimundo complained while Jack whined. 10 minutes later after redoing the fire and throwing glares at each other Jack said "I bet I can count more shooting stars than you.", "Loser does the chores for two weeks and buys ice cream.", "It's on.", the others groaned, "How would that work if you both see the same shooting star?", Omi asked with a not impressed face.
Jack and Rai both raised a finger up to say something. Then slowly lowered it down when they realized that he was right.
"Wait a minute…", Kimiko said while squinting her eyes, and Clay knew what she wanted to say, but when the realization hit him, he spoke before her "Jack, didn't you once promise us ice cream?", Jack remained silent while his eyes widened, "You forgot about that promise there ya snake.", he spoke calmly while not taking his eyes off the stars.
Ain't no way the cowboy was guilt tripping him! Kimiko tsked disappointed, Raimundo crossed his arms and shook his face as if he had been betrayed "You just don't forget an ice cream promise buddy. Not cool. Shame on you.", Omi nodded in agreement "A most disheartening situation.", then Dojo slithered up to him and whispered "Dishonor.".
"Ok, ok, fine! When we get back home I'm buying ice cream.", Jack exclaimed with crossed arms. Everybody else smiled and Clay said "Don't forget that pardner.". Jack rolled his eyes and lay down on his back again.
They kept quiet for a bit, then Omi said "Hey, Jack?", "Hm.", "I'm glad you are our friend.", that statement was so sudden that Jack aggressively said "Huh?! What's gotten into you?", "No, really!", Omi rolled on his belly and looked at him with a smile, "I am so proud of you for turning to the side of good, and I'm really happy that we're friends!", "Yes, you're a good friend, Jack.", Kimiko agreed with him, "Fun too. Even if you get annoying at times.", Raimundo continued, „Promise you'll stay that way pardner.", Clay was the last to finish.
Jack got up on his elbows and looked at them, everybody was smiling at him, including Dojo, who nodded in agreement with them. The genius pursed his lips in a line with a constipated face expression, then went back down on his back again, because he will crawl under a rock and die if they see him crying again.
"...Thank you…", He said, and after a moment of silence, the monks started laughing. "HUH?! What's so funny?!", he asked while glaring at them, "That was such an awkward reply!", Kimiko answered. He blushed angrily at that, "Dude! You're turning red!", Raimundo exclaimed, "Jack! You are a living tomato!", Omi said while giggling, "Can't take a compliment straight to the face ya snake?", asked Clay amused.
Jack covered his face and groaned, „Shut up! I hate you all.", „No you don't.", Raimundo grinned and patted his shoulder.
The genius sighed in annoyance, but then smiled, „Ok, fine, I'm not into this mushy stuff like you losers but...I'll always be by your side guys, I promise.", they all fell silent at that, but they smiled anyway, „Dude, you're becoming emotional.", Raimundo commented, „NO I DON'T! Fuck you all!", he pouted and crossed his arms against his chest, making the monks laugh, "Language!", they all exclaimed in unison, making him groan.
AUTHOR NOTE: Hi! I was really tempted to name this chapter Divine poop, lol. Anyway, I don't remember if I said this already, but I am also posting this story on ao3.