restart my heart

the stratosphere

time frame; august — first week of school

midtown school of science

As each minute ticked by, Sophia resisted the urge to hide her face into her backpack. Not even bothering to listen to their teacher drone on about the syllabus or group assignments. She's not entirely sure anymore.

What she does know is that Peter is impressively still hovering over her every movement despite class being in session. If she wasn't so annoyed she would be honestly impressed how he could keep his attention on her and the class at once. He answered every question and filled out all the papers handed out by the teacher in a blink of an eye while being able to be completely oblivious of the look of utter annoyance and disgust that even her former (actual) babysitter Obadiah would have been proud of.

A quick whistle, jab to her stool, or a crumpled up note landing on her desk. Anything to get her attention. Asking her how her headache is. Does she need more snacks? If she needs anything to just tell him. Where her next class is to better escort her. Jumping up to grab the highlighter rolling off the table before she could even begin to think about reaching out to grab it.

A helicopter "parent" non stop worrying over her well-being. Fueled completely and only by survivors' guilt. And unfortunately for Peter, she has too much of her own to help shoulder his.

His constant pressured presence along with the stolen glances of their classmates was enough to drive her mad. Occasionally hearing the questions they're saying amongst each other that they want to ask. Some louder than others. Some people are braver than others with plans to come forward. Sophia just wants to squish into a ball and hide.

"Is she technically an orphan now? Pepper Potts isn't her biological mom, you know."

"Maybe that's why Peter is hovering around her. Maybe Pepper Potts decided not to take her in and he feels bad for her."

"You know, I bet she knows everything that happened in the fight with Thanos. I'm dying to know."

"Maybe but the other hero's claimed she wasn't involved. So where was she when Black Widow died? Doesn't she have her own suit? She just let them die and did nothing. Maybe that's why she's really an orphan."

" Well we don't know if she is but I do wonder how Iron Man and Black Widow died. They're being so tight-lipped about it."

"Do you think she saw him die?"

She felt surrounded with no escape route. Peter is behind her - tense and ready for action no matter how small. The louder the rumors spin out of control the louder the fidgeting behind her becomes. Feet tapping. Pencil snapping. Teeth grinding. White noise that soon becomes almost deafening to her.

From her peripherals she can sense Flash Thompson ready to jump up and make a beeline straight for her. To ask to partner up for the year or ask about her father. She wasn't sure which one. Maybe even both.

The thought of being bombarded by two people she really has no interest in makes her anxiety climb high. A whirlwind of noise buzzing together at an ear piercing frequency. Surrounding her and leaving no opening to escape. Sophia could feel her heart pounding in her chest. She clenched her fist and squeezed her eyes shut.

A picture of a woman with red hair and green eyes wearing a white suit flashed behind her lids. A bright grin on her face. Promising to return with a tight hug.

"Chin up, baby Stark. We'll be back before you know it."

Sophia's eyes sprung open. Tears threatened to stream down her face. Sophia blinks rapidly to push them back. She doesn't want to cry. Not here. Not with an audience. She reaches for her bracelet again. Fingers gliding along the surface carefully to not activate the nanosuit built into it.

Sophia's jaw tightens. Teeth grinding as she looks forward to nothing in particular. Just forward.

Definitely not looking at the walls where a poster of her dead dad is hanging. Or at what Sophie swears is the ghost of Natasha in the corner of the room staring her down.

I would have gone if I could have, Sophia thinks. She swears. She's so, so sorry.

Sophia could faintly hear Harley mumble something. Maybe a joke. Maybe a question. She wasn't sure. The buzzing got louder. Consuming her entirely. Sophia slowly pulled her bag to her chest and let her head fall onto the cool fabric.

"— Peter Parker's help of course." Mr. Harrington's voice cut through the whirlwind of noise in Sophia's head. Grounding her back to reality. "So don't forget to give him the forms for decathlon try-outs by the end of the week."

Sophia let out a shaky breath. Decathlon. Peter. She's at school. There's no threat. There's no one dying in the corner.

"That's all for now. Go ahead and choose your partners—"

Sophia doesn't register the rest of what her teacher said. Instead, Sophia immediately whips around to grab Peter by the hand and give a firm tug. He doesn't hesitate to jump up from his seat and walk towards her and with her.

No questions asked. Always ready to follow her.

Moving them to the teachers front desk at a fast pace while ignoring the way Peter squeezed her hand tightly back. A clear sign he wasn't willing to let her go.

She tried to ignore the mixed feeling it gives her.

"Sophia, Peter. Do you need help with anything?" Mr. Harrington stood with a weak smile. Eye's reflecting unsaid condolences just like every other adult she's encountered. Might as well let her trauma work in her favor.

"Yes. If you don't mind, the first day of school is becoming a bit overwhelming. Do you mind if we work in the hallway together or maybe the library. For privacy during this difficult time for us." Sophia says quietly. Peter squeezes her hand again. Eyes completely focused on her face. Searching.

"Would you like me to go to the counselor's office instead?" Her teacher leans in close and whispers. Trying to give the illusion of privacy as if she couldn't feel all eyes on her.

Why would anyone work on a get to know you project when you can watch the daughter of the world's savior have a possible break down? She can't exactly blame them for wondering when she'll snap. She's sure it would be quite the show.

"I'm sorry Sophia, I should have realized sooner. Let me call Happy for you. I'm sure he'll —"

"No." Sophia interrupts, pulling her hand out of his to only place it on his shoulder. "I just need a breather. I don't need to leave school or talk to another counselor."

Sophia gives Mr. Harrington a small smile. "Just a few moments from prying eyes and gossip and I'll be fine. I promise."

"Of course, Sophia." Mr. Harrington says. "Take all the time you need. Thanks for watching out for her Peter." He begins to wave them off and without hesitation Sophia reaches down to grasp Peter's hand again with a hard squeeze in an attempt to show her annoyance with him.

"Thank you. We will be back before class ends." With that, Sophia pushed forward. Shoulder bumping to Peter's and forced him to walk towards the classroom door.

Students slowly begin to go back to their assignments. Peter & Sophia are slowly being forgotten. Letting out a little sigh of relief, she reaches for the door handle. Ready to escape.

Peter may be the reason she had the strength to leave the classroom. She should be thankful confronting him gave her the perfect opportunity to leave without seeming weak or broken. Yet all she feels is those negative emotions coming back up the longer she's in his presence.

Fear. Regret. Anger. Resentment.

She just can't tell how much of it is directed towards him or herself.

"Sophia," Mr. Harrington speaks gently. Sophia freezes. Hand barely touching the handle. Readying herself for the usual script.

"Your dad was a true hero. I'm sorry for your loss." Mr. Harrington states softly. Sophia stumbles over her feet, nearly falling in her haste to get out of the classroom as soon as humanly possible.

She pushes the door with force she didn't intend on putting out. Sophia winces at the aggressive slam the door makes as it crashes against the wall. The small bubble of guilt that arose with the sound quickly popped when Sophia realized the door was quickly coming back.

Peter's superhuman reflexes grasped the door before Sophia could even think about tensing for the incoming impact that was sure to leave a bruise. Sophia stood in between the door and Peter's chest. Underneath his arm and huddled into herself. "Thanks." She whispers.

Refusing to look up at him despite sensing Peter looking down at her in concern. Instead, she opts to look at the small cracks in the door that appeared underneath his hand. Hopefully no one notices he did that.

Shaking her head, she moves forward once again. Officially out the classroom, out the door, out of the suffocating air, and into the quiet hallway. Peter Parker right at her heels. She turns to face his back as he's closing the classroom door with caution. Mr. Harrington in clear view from inside the doors small rectangular window.

"Are you sure you don't want me to call Happy? You don't look too good." Peter runs to her. One hand in his hair. Sophia stares flatly back.

"I'm not saying you look hideous. You just look…overwhelmed." Peter winces. Eyebrows furrowed in concern. But his posture is alert.

Sophia has seen it in her dad a million times. On edge. Tense. Ready for battle and looking for every possible exit strategy. Eyes constantly looking around. Through windows and down the halls. Half focused on the person in front of them and the other half of them had flown away in a different stratosphere. Not fully in the moment because they're waiting, wanting, to go into battle. Strategizing against their demons and unseen threats they've conjured up in their head. She hates it.

This lifestyle. She loathes it. She wants a normal day. In a normal house. That contains her normal dad and normal mom and normal sister and a normal, ordinary her.

"Soph?" Peter reaches forward. Taking a small step toward her while still taking in their surroundings. Constantly shifting and changing. Clearly uncomfortable with his back to the wall.

Sophie rolls her eyes and takes his arm in her hand. Moving them down the locked filled halls. Making their way to the library.

"Stop freaking out. It's nothing you need to be concerned about. Your Peter-Tingle would let you know if it was."

"Sophia! You know you can't just say that out loud. You never know who's listening." Peter nervously says. Body still tenses despite the lack of danger. The only danger he could possibly be in is facing her pent-up aggression but Sophia highly doubted his Peter Tingle would tip him off of that. She doesn't have the physical strength of the Hulk or the life-threatening presence of Nat.

She felt the familiar sting of tears prickle eyes but continued on. Peter places his hand on her to give a gentle pat. Trying to be comforting. Instead, she feels uneasy. This isn't how life was meant to be.

Sophia retracts her hand quickly. So fast she almost falls over to the side and ignores his attempt to reach for her again. Straightening her shoulders Sophia continues on. This time walking side by side with her instead of behind.

Peter somehow hovers over her while being shoulder to shoulder. Almost as if he's not sure if he should be beside her. She could only assume he's thinking it would be easier and more successful in protecting her if he was in front or behind. Sophia starts to feel suffocated again.

"Sophia, if something is wrong I can-"

"Stop. Nope. No, I don't need you." Sophia snapped, manicured hands carefully pushing Peter out of her personal bubble. She needs to breathe. Desperately.

"Peter, I just…I don't need a babysitter." Her light blue eyes clash with his in defiance. The last thing she needs is someone watching over her. Protecting her. Forcing her to the sidelines. Just to go and disappear again. Sophia doesn't think she'll survive it again.

Peter scrunches his eyebrows, mouth agape. "Sophia, I'm not babysitting you. I'm watching over you." Peter explains. Stopping in his tracks in the empty hallway. Three doors down from the library.

The brunette girl huffs and throws her hands up in the air. Sophia takes a step back. "I know that! Okay? I know that. Ok, but this whole thing you're doing with the snacks and pain pills. The incent calls and check-ins. I'm going to need you to stop."

"I…I just want to make sure you're safe Sophia. I thought that we could be, I don't know, maybe friends. I just know I need to make sure you're safe." He stresses. Eyes pleading for her to understand.

Sophia crossed her arms and took another step away from Peter. He began fidgeting with the end of his sleeves trying to avoid her glare. "Why? Why do you need to?"

"Why? Because I'm trying to do what I think Tony would-"

"Ah! See! That's it!" Sophia lets out a short hysterical laugh. Jabbing her finger in the air, towards his chest. "What Tony, my father, would want. Not me. Not you. My dad. I don't need an overprotective parent at school following my every move, Peter."

Peter drags his hands down his face. "That's not what I meant Soph." Peter gently puts his hands onto her shoulders before quickly pulling back. Thinking better of it. She takes another step back again. "Do you remember when you were nine and I took you to Delmar's Deli?"

She wrinkles her nose. "I try to not think about my childhood with you."

Peter flinches. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Sophia looked at him as if he grew two heads and gave another laugh full of disbelief. Is he serious? He can't that oblivious.

"What do you mean? Peter, I mean come on! I was 10, maybe 11, years old when you were 15! When you disappeared. For me years have gone by and now we're both 15. To you it happened in a literal snap. If anything, this should be more weird for you! How is that not weird to you?" Sophia hisses. "We shouldn't be going to the same school let alone be the same age. Excuse me for being weirded out by this whole… this whole kerfuffle!"

Peter lets out a snort. Putting Sophia more on edge. "Kerfuffle?"

"What would you call this then? Huh? Should I have said bullshit?"

"Language!"

The two stared at each other in a moment of silence before breaking out into soft laughter. Peter having that bright smile that looks so painstakingly familiar. A reminder of the decisions she made and why she's full of regret and guilt.

The phrase 'this isn't how life should be' appears in her head on repeat.

Peter being the root cause of everything she feels. Good and the bad. The really, really, heart crushing bad. A big part of the reason her father is buried six feet under. At the very least, she tells herself, he's emotionally responsible. Logically she knows it wasn't his decision for her dad to risk his life. Peter wouldn't have wanted Tony to die for him. To leave Sophia and Morgan without a father. Peter wasn't around to encourage him. She was.

"I hate you." Sophia quietly lets out. She could see the pain in his dark eyes and the heavy bags beneath him. He's full of regret like she is. She watches his shoulders sink as he begins to look at their feet.

Taking a deep breath, she continues. "I also hate that most of the time I can't force myself to hate you." Sophia felt tears begin to slide down her cheeks. Vision becoming blurry. She takes another shaky breath. "I want to blame you so badly. The logic side of my brain just refuses to."

Peter slowly becomes a fuzzy picture. "I want to hate you. Every time I begin to resent you, I remember it's not your fault. I was the one to put the final nail in the coffin. But jeezus,I want to hate you so much. It would be easier." She lets out a small pity filled chuckle, crossing her arms over her chest and looks off to the side. "It's easier to ignore and hate you when you're not standing in front of me."

Peter stands in silence. Waiting for her to continue. Giving her the space she needs for once; she thinks with a bit of amusement. If she had known crying would get him to take a few steps back, she would have done it months ago.

Sophia brings her hands to her face to furiously wipe away her tears. "You have the same interests as dad. Hell, you talk and even act like him sometimes and I don't even understand how that's possible! It makes absolutely no sense, but you do!" She laughs out and her hands begin to move around in the air as she talks again. Emphasizing her words for her.

Peter nods his head in silence. A grief l stricken expression on his face. A few tears spilling over and down his cheeks. Droplets occasionally splashing onto Sophia's arms. She didn't realize they got so close together. Chest to chest. Both trembling with great effort to not have an absolute meltdown in the hallway.

She takes a deep breath before looking him in his eyes. "You hover and even sometimes parent like my dad. You're around out of survivors guilt and weird circumstances involving a psychopathic purple alien. Otherwise, in another world, we would not be standing here together. You'd be either in college or working for dad and married and I'd be some kid you randomly know out of happenstance. You don't need to be at my side forcing something that never should have been. And you need to know, I have enough guilt for the both of us. I don't need you reminding me of who's not here anymore."

Sophia bites her lip and rubs her face some more. Hoping Peter understands what she's getting at from the bottom of her heart. He doesn't need to be here with her. He wasn't meant to be here.

"Sophia, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you feel this way." He pulled her towards him in a hug. Secretly thankful she didn't pull away even though she didn't reciprocate it. She stood there stiffly. "I'm going to be honest. You're probably right." He sniffles. Chin digging into the top of her head.

"It was guilt that influenced everything I did. I felt responsible for how things turned out and I only did what I thought Tony would want. And I guess I lost sight of what you would need or how you'd feel with me being around. It was stupid to think you wouldn't feel weird about it as well. But I know, even without the blimp, we l still would have been friends."

"Why?" Sophia says meekly. Her voice coming out muffled by his blue t-shirt.

"Because you and the rest of the Starks were — are my family. Blimp or no blimp wasn't going to change that." Peter hugs her tighter. "I'll do less on the parent style friendship and work on just being your friend. I promise."

"No."

Peter took a step back, hands hovering on either side of her arms. Sophia refused to look him in the eye.

"No? No, what?"

"No, I don't want to be friends."

"Come on, Soph. We were friends before all this. Just a small road block and hey! We just made a huge breakthrough with some communication."

Sophia shakes her head stubbornly. A deep frown on her face. "No. Peter. You're not listening to me. This isnot normal. It's weird. We weren't friends before. You were my babysitter and now we're classmates and friends? You don't see how weird that is? I have friends. I have a parent. I don't need more of those. My capacity for socializing is at its max."

Sophia takes a step back and lets his hands fall. Her anger slowly rose again. Everything she had said obviously went in one ear and out the other. Completely ignored.

"Who, Harley? He's constantly getting in trouble. Happy told me he's the reason you broke your arm. Twice. A real good influence." Peter said flatly. "Besides, I was never a babysitter. You and I both know Tony would never let me actually watch over you. It was a cover for other…activities."

Sophia wrinkles her nose in disgust. "Don't say it like that! That sounds like you're being dirty." She hisses.

Peter begins to stutter. Face flushed. "You know that's not what I meant! I'm talking about you know the… the confidential projects I worked on with Tony."

His protest went ignored. Sophia begins moving her hands in the air in frustration as she talks. "Plus, there you go again! You're parenting! We're going in circles. When is it going to stop? Don't you see? This is why we can't do whatever this is." Sophia waves a hand in the air between them and the other tugs at her pony tail out of stress.

"Sophia, I just…In this mess and in these circumstances it's a lot. We could both use someone to lean on. Someone who knows the whole truth. Yes, I approached you out of guilt. Thinking I can make up for what's been done but I know I can't. I know bringing him back isn't going to happen and I can't fill his shoes. I promise to work on being me and not a bodyguard. But I also think we can help each other heal. Help each other with the trauma and everything we have been through. Help each other be better. Go back to our bacon cheese friend adventure. Sneaking on to helicarriers. Just being kids. Being two individuals helping each other out with shared trauma."

Peter slowly put his hand out, palm up. She could see the bands for his suit peek out from underneath his jacket sleeves. A very familiar logo with her last name on it staring back at her.

"What do you say? Give, whatever this is, a chance?" Silently asking her to put her faith in him and in them.

After a moment of hesitation, Sophia put her hand in his.

"Okay," She says. "You got one chance."

.

.

.

"That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. I've never met that stupid Wayne." Sophia exited out of the news article and placed her phone down. Screen black.

"How could you possibly ship two people who have never even been in the same room?" Sophia huffs with arms crossed from her position in her moms office chair.

Harley, busy tinkering with the helmet of the suit her dad had made for mom: Rescue, sat on the floor. The armor had gotten damaged during the final battle. Barely turning on. With each wire he tugged on the eyes would briefly light up before fading.

Sophia began to feel queasy looking at the helmet fade from life. Flashes of bloodied red suits came to mind. A burnt limp hand resting on the ground. Reality and the past started blurring together in a flurry.

She swiftly spun away to look out the windows behind her moms desk. So high up, that the taxi cabs are almost like faded yellow dots. Eyes focusing on the cars passing by. Counting each one to calm her racing heart. Squeezing her eyes in hope that the lights fading in and out would disappear.

The darkest corners of her mind tried to remind her what burning flesh smells like. Looks like. What it had felt like when she grasped his lifeless, bloodied hand in hers. How the metal of his suit infused into parts of his body.

She could feel the sour taste of bile threatening to come up. Her stomach doing somersaults and contrasting. Urging her to let it all out onto her lap. Sophia bites her tongue and tries to focus on clouds.

Don't throw up. Don't throw up. It's not real. It's not here.

tap

tap

tap

Blinking through her haze, a black and blue object floats in her line of vision. Flying in the air waiting for her acknowledgment. The red light blinking on top of the robot spider letting her know she's being watched.

Droney.

Sophia wasn't sure if she should be upset or amused. Maybe a bit of both. Probably even a little bit thankful to be taken out of the haze she was in. She motions the time drone with her head to go away. Instead Peter controls it to come closer. Her eyes shift to the side to look at Harley's reflection to make sure he hasn't noticed. His body still hunched over the helmet and eyes glued to the blueprints her dad left behind.

Turning her attention back to Droney, she gives an exasperated eye roll and a small wave. The tiny drone lifts its leg in return as if to say goodbye before flying off. Harley never noticed the small exchange. Peter must be on patrol in the area.

Sophia could feel a smile trying to fight it's way through to the surface.

"This is still weird…isn't it?" She whispered to herself. Looking at her own reflection in the tall windows. Long hazelnut brown hair with light blue eyes that dad would say have specs of gold. Under eye bags still heavy and dark despite her attempt to hide them with concealer and color correction.

Sophia couldn't help but let out a small smile. I'm a mess, she thinks to herself.

Whoever let her name life saving stealth tech at nine years old should be fired. "Droney" not in any way being creative or original. Doesn't even make sense.

"I have a better question. Are you dating your babysitter?"

Sophia nearly topples out of the office chair from shock. Not having expected Harley to hear her or even respond.

"What!" She screeched looking at her friend who looked completely unfazed and uncaring. The end of a screwdriver sticking out of his mouth. He never looked up once. "Why would you even think to ask that? You know these gossip sites are trash!"

Harley shrugged. "What else would Peter-Tingle be code for? Odd nickname for a boner by the way." Speaking around the red screwdriver, barely intelligible. His focus was completely on the project before him. Trying to give off the impression that he couldn't care less.

But the way he gripped the helmet with strained intensity gave him away.

Sophia dragged her hands down her face. "Oh my god. That is not… we aren't, you know what? I'm not having this conversation." She spins the office chair to once again stare off into the sky. Letting her mind drift off into a different stratosphere.

Sophia missed the way Harley's mouth twisted and eyes narrowed at her response. Tossing the screwdriver into his bag. His project abandoned.

end of: the stratosphere

tumblr: reneeturnson

word count: 4.607