disclaimer: do not own mcu or their characters
AN: this special is based off of my own experiences with my own biological mother and real life experiences. i tried to stay true to my real story. of course changing small details like names, locations, and descriptions of appearances. some of the events have different time frames as my experience was a lot longer than 7 years but were still very much real for me. So I jammed packed the highlights in a short period instead. I wasn't planning on this as a chapter and decided in a spur of the moment to make this
warning for abuse and neglect and strong language. while sophia's bio mom is a direct reflection of my bio mom — pepper potts is a reflection for my step mom.
AN #2: sorry for the delayed special but better late than never! given how close to home this hits it took me a while to write it out but was very therapeutic at the same time. despite the sad beginning at least we both have a happy ending
restart my heart
the mother's day special
time frame; sophia's childhood
The First Memories
The first thing Sophia remembers from way back when is the startling clarity of feeling unwanted. Misplaced. Unbelonging and longing as she stares at her mothers back. One hand holding her younger brother's hand. Swinging him up and down as they walk towards the Wal-Mart. Her laughter rang like an echo in her head.
Her brother, just two years old, flew high in the air. His dad, and her sort of step dad, holding onto his hand. Her brother kicks his feet every time he soared while five year old Sophia trails behind. Feet shuffling in the gravel.
"Can I have a turn?" Sophia anxiously asks. Already knowing the answer. Stomach filled with dread and a small amount of hope.
"No. And stop dragging behind." Her mom doesn't spare her a glance. Almost to the doors, Sophia dares to ask another question.
"Can I hold your hand in the store?"
Her mom rolls her eyes and lets out an exasperated sigh. "I told you no. Stop it, Sophia. You're being annoying."
"Okay, mommy." Sophia says dejectedly. She knew the outcome but still foolishly asked anyway. The hope hurt worse than the rejection.
"You better not start crying." Her mom warns. Putting her younger brother into the cart. "I don't have time for that."
"I won't." Sophia promises. Holding the sides of the shopping cart and obediently following along. Staying silent for the rest of the trip.
Sophia wanted to be helpful and unload the groceries from their trip. Putting away as many items as fast as possible food to toiletries and diapers to picture frames. Going around the small two bedroom apartment and placing picture frames on the mantle Sophia couldn't help that there wasn't a single photo of her in any of the new frames.
Curious and telling herself maybe she has her own spot and her younger brother's spot of photos is above the fireplace, Sophia begins to investigate. Searching through the photo albums displayed on the side table of couches. Walking down the hall of rows of frames hung far above her head there everyone was. Except for her again.
Every print, canvas, and frame all had one thing in common. They were all missing her brown hair and blue eyes.
It was as if she didn't exist in the picture her mom was trying to paint.
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"Can we not do this in front of Sophia? She doesn't need to hear this." Her step dad asks wearily from the leather couch. Head in hands as he hunches over.
"No. I don't give a shit what she hears. She doesn't understand anyway." Her mom barks back. Towering over her long time boyfriend.
Sophia sits on the living room floor. Eyes bouncing back and forth between the two adults in the room with her Barbie dolls on hand.
"She's just a kid. She doesn't need to witness our fights." He sighs. Looking up at the blonde woman she calls mom.
"Why do you care? She isn't even yours. Don't change the subject! What the hell are we supposed to do while you go to jail? Again. How many times do I have to tell you to stop stealing?" She screams. Grabbing a couch pillow and swinging with every other word.
"I wouldn't have to if you'd get a damn job! How else are we supposed to feed the kids?" He barks back. Standing from the couch to his full height. Knocking the pillow and shoving her mom out of his space.
"Dad? Mom?" Sophia whimpers. Stumbling to her feet with a blonde Barbie doll close to her chest.
"Don't call him that! He isn't your dad." Her mom snaps at her. Hazel eyes blazing with fire.
"It's okay, Sophia." He says softly at the same time. "Go play in your room please."
"Okay." Sophia whispers softly. Gathering her toys and trying to ignore the shouts, cursing, and sounds of glass shattering against a wall.
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The loud sirens in the night and mixed feelings floating around her heart keep her up at night. It's a weird fuzzy feeling but not a good feeling. It feels like someone blew a balloon of negative emotions and let it loose in her chest and it just won't pop.
Sophia sits straight up in the large bed. Adjusting the large grey comforter around her, she watches her step dad pace in front of the bed. Phone clutched in one hand while the other is fisted against his head.
Her step-dad let her and her brother (who hasn't stirred one bit) stay with him during the Texas sized tornadoes. The excitement of finally being included for a 'sleepover' in the big bed with her brother didn't squash the feelings floating around inside of her. If anything the more she watched her step-pace and shout into the phone the more difficult it felt like to breathe.
"You always do this! You can't just get up and leave me with the kids whenever you want!" He yells into his phone. Face scrunched in anger.
Sophia couldn't hear the response but by the look of his face it wasn't good. Leaning back into the pillows, Sophia clutches her Care Bear closer to her chest.
"What do you mean you don't know when you'll be back? I'm tired of you doing this all the time!"
A pause.
"What's going to happen to the kids when I'm gone? Is this what you're going to do? Leave them here alone?"
Sophia clutches her yellow Care Bear. Fingers stretched over its hard belly.
"Hi! I'm Funshine Bear!" Her bear sings. His belly giving off a faint glow of yellow and white in the dark.
Her step dad stops in his tracks. Head swirling towards her and phone hanging down at his side. "Go to sleep, Sophia." He says sternly before walking out the bedroom. Door slamming shut behind him.
She quickly lays down and pulls her blanket over head.
This night was the first night of many nightmares to come. Death and blood and losing her mom to drive by shootings occupied her dreams almost every night.
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Sophia remembers how tired her mom looked when she came home in the evening. She hadn't seen her mom in days but it feels like months. She left on a random day and after what felt like ages was finally back. Wearing the same clothes she left, which Sophia thought was odd but shrugged it off. Maybe she went to grandma's and cleaned them.
Sophia follows her blonde haired mom into the master bedroom. Asking where she's been. Telling her how much she missed her and couldn't wait for her to come home. She wasn't comfortable being left alone with her step dad. He seemed nice enough for someone of a man with few words but never let her watch cartoons - only football. And lots of horror movies that have her cowering behind the couch.
She waves her off. Yelling at her to go and that she doesn't feel well before flopping into her bed face first. Going completely still but breathing heavy and deep.
Sophia stands awkwardly in the doorway. Wanting to approach her mom but too afraid of the consequences that would happen if she even dared to just lay beside her.
Remembering her school lunch still hasn't been made, Sophia decided she still wants to help her mom. She must have been super busy to not have come home for so long. The least she could do is try and make her own lunch.
Sophia was careful. So very careful to not leave a mess while making a sandwich. Even going as far as to use just ham and cheese and no miracle whip. She didn't want to make dishes for her mom. That would ruin the point.
Sitting on the floor in front of the fridge, Sophia tentatively takes what she needs out. The bread, slice of cheese, and red container of lunch meat. Throwing it all together in her pink lunch box with string cheese and a juice box.
She felt so proud of herself and she hoped with all her heart her mom would be too. Zipping the bag together, Sophia gently places her lunch bag inside the fridge.
Then the fear creeps in. What if she gets mad? What if she didn't do it right and her mom throws it back at her face? What if her mom doesn't see she made it and makes a second lunch and gets so mad she gives Sophia another owie?
Sophia doesn't like getting owies. It makes it hard to play during recess and she isn't allowed to wear her dresses and skirts until it's gone.
Racing to her room, Sophia yanks her backpack off its hook. Turning her bag upside down and dumping all its contents on to the carpet.
Tears stream down her face and she rushes to grab her notebook. Ripping pages out to make the perfect note so her mom knows exactly why she did it and where and what's in her lunch box is.
Chest heaving, Sophia puts the tip of her marker to the page.
"What are you doing?"
Sophia snaps her head up so fast she's surprised it didn't fall off.
"I don't want to know." Her mom looks her up and down.
"Since you can make your own lunch now, that's your new chore." Her eyes scan the bedroom in disinterest before turning around and shutting the door behind her. Not once questioning why Sophia seemed so distraught.
Sophia sits back. Releasing a shaky breath, all she feels is relief. Her mom wasn't mad. She was able to do something right. Putting a hand on her chest to steady her racing heart, she flops backwards into the ground. Not even wincing when her head hits the carpet.
Sophia couldn't stop the wide, toothy grin from appearing. She did something right.
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With her step dad being gone (mom said he's in jail because he's a bad person) for a very long time; her mom hasn't once left her bed. Nothing new. She's been through this before. She knows the game plan.
Take care of her brother. It's what she's best at. It makes her mom happy so she's all too eager to pitch in with her fair share for the workload.
She didn't know her step dad would be gone this long though. He's been gone for so long. Much longer than normal. Sophia is starting to worry.
Her mom only came out for the restroom and to eat. Forgetting to feed her and her brother even though she tried her best to remind her and be very vocal about it. After the second day Sophia gave up. When she got too vocal she was given an owie across the face.
She could still feel the throbbing pain from the slap.
Her brother crying and tugging at her hand brings her back to reality. Sophia grabs his hand and winces at the volume of his screams.
"I don't know what to do." Sophia whispers apologetically. He cries louder. Yanking harder on her clothes and limbs.
"I'm hungry too." Sophia sits on the living room floor with him. Trying to distract him with every toy to no avail.
They ran out of food that she could reach. Even with her climbing on chairs and counters. There's boxes of food and uncooked noodles but Sophia had no idea how to go about making it. Besides, she was too scared of the oven to even attempt.
The front door handle jiggles. The metal door shifts loudly at the weight from the other side.
Jumping up, Sophia pulls at her younger brother. Heaving and grunting to try and force him up.
"Hide. We have to hide." Sophia thought repeatedly in a panic. She can't stop the tears from flowing. Whimpers escape her without permission. Loud enough that she's sure whoever is on the other door can hear her.
"Come on! We have to hide." Sophia whispers in a hiss. Her brother just screams louder.
"Sophia! Oliver! Are you guys okay?"
Sophia sags in relief. Falling to her knees.
"I know. I know. It's going to be okay. I'm here now." Her aunt rushes in. Stepping over the pile of trash and toys. Tossing down her bag and keys to engulf Sophia in a steel grip of a hug.
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Sophia places both hands across her lower face. Trying with all her might to not let anymore tears flow. Although few hiccups escape despite her best effort.
"You can't keep doing this." Her aunt cries. Pulling Sophia closer to her chest with one hand while the other pats away the blood sleeping through Sophia's fingers.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Her mom replies back with ease. Flipping through a magazine from her position on the recliner.
"I'm not stupid. I know what you're doing to Sophia. It needs to stop." Her aunt begs. Tears welling in her blue eyes.
"I'm disciplining her. Worry about your own kids or get out of my house." Her mom slaps her magazine across her lap. The paper tearing with the aggressive movement
Sophia cowers further into her aunt's arms.
"Like you did with me when we were kids?"
"Mind your own damn business, Amy. She got in trouble, was warned, and now is facing consequences. This is nothing. Dad would rip out our earrings out of our ears for the shit we did."
"Emma." Her aunt sighs. "That was you. You did it to me because I borrowed a shirt."
"I would never do that." Her mom glared at her. Nose wrinkled in a sneer.
"That's the problem with you! You never remember anything you do! The pain you cause to those around you!" Her aunt shouts back.
Sophia hides her face in her aunt's shirt. Wishing to disappear. 'That was the worst thing she could have done', Sophia thought.
"You're so full of shit." Sophia could practically hear the eye roll. "I do everything for you. For my kids. And you all treat me like a devil when I'm the one that's done everything on my own to get us out of the projects."
"No you didn't! Mom pays your bills. I care for your kids like my own. I literally gave you money last month for groceries. I walked here for an hour straight just to hand you the money to make sure the kids eat and I come and see this." Her aunt clutches her harder. Short, blunt nails digging into Sophia's arm.
Sophia tries her best to be good and pretend to be invisible. Tensing at the upcoming onslaught of rage she knows is undoubtedly coming.
"I have never borrowed money from anyone. Everything I do is on my own." Her mom bites back. The recliner snaps back into the place.
Sophie flinches at the noise and moves her hands to grin into her aunt's shirt.
"Now get the fuck out of my house."
Sophia is harshly tugged away from her aunt by the back of her shirt. The high collar cutting into her throat. Clawing at the collar, Sophia chokes out a beg of release.
Making eye contact with her aunt's eyes, Sophia's bottom lip quivers. She wishes she would just leave so Sophia could go back to begging forgotten.
Doesn't her aunt understand she always makes it worse?
"Oh like I'd believe you would actually call CPS. There's nothing going on here. They wouldn't do anything but get mad at you for wasting their time. Besides, do you really want them going into the system? They're not going to hand her over to a teenager. You'd never see her again."
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"I'm suing your father." Her mom has sat her down on her seventh birthday. A party happening all because of her aunt. Sophia's very first ever birthday party.
Her brother always has huge ones with lots of balloons and now she finally gets one! Filled with people chattering around her with gifts and as much cake as she could eat! She couldn't be happier.
"What does that mean?" Sophia licks off the frosting of her cupcake. She's working on her third one.
"It means I'm asking for money from your dad. Your real dad. Not Oliver's." Her mom doesn't take her eyes off her.
Sophia tries to stay positive. She has her moms attention. That's all that matters. "Do I get to meet him?" She asked uneasily. Unsure if this was good news or bad.
"Not if I get a say in it. You don't need to meet him anyway. He's a horrible person. All he's ever done is hurt mommy. Threatened mommy. If you meet him, he will take you from me and hurt you too. Do you want that? You'll never see me or your brother again. Or your aunt. He'll take you far away from all of us."
Sophia shakes her head, now sitting straight in her chair. Cupcake falling onto her plate. "No. I don't want to leave!"
"Then you have to do everything I say. We just need him to help pay for some bills. We could even have more parties. Wouldn't you like that?" Her mom says slowly. Fingers interlocking in her lap.
"Yeah! I'll help you with anything mommy!" Sophia cheers happily. Picking up her cupcake once again.
"Good. Now this is what you're going to tell the judge."
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It only took three months after her seventh birthday to be shipped off from Texas to New York.
Her aunt sat beside her the entire plane ride. Occasionally a stewardess had to stop by to bring tissues and awkwardly remind her aunt to try and keep her sobbing quiet to not disturb the rest of the occupants.
Sophia felt numb walking through the airport. Unable to cry. Unable to feel terrified, panicked, or even anxious - a feeling she learned to identify thanks to court ordered therapy. Life didn't feel real at the moment to her. The airport felt too empty. How were they the only two people in an entire wing of an airport?
She knew her dad was an important person. The judge and therapist had told her so and that's why she couldn't meet him just yet despite the fact he won full custody without having stepped foot in Texas. Always having a representative in his place instead.
But was he so important that he really couldn't take the time to meet her? To see her? Did he truly not care? Sophia could feel the fear slowly creep in around the edges of her consciousness with every step she took.
Despite doing her best and listening and repeating everything her mom told her to say she still ended up failing. The judge did not hesitate to ship her off despite her protests and instance that she has a dad already and she doesn't need another. Even though she hasn't seen him in so long and she wasn't allowed to call him dad he still exists. She knows he's out there.
Her brother needs her. She can't leave him. He's, her responsibility.
'Now, Sophia, please listen to me honey." Her aunt stops them at the exit and kneels in front of her. Her aunt's blue eyes are tinged red.
Sophia feels an all too familiar feeling creaks up her throat. Constricting her ability to speak so she nods solemnly instead.
Her aunt takes a pause to look towards the exit. Following her gaze, Sophie spots a blonde woman standing next to a towering burly man standing a few feet away. He's holding a sign with her name in bolded letters.
"Those nice people are going to take you."
Sophia brings her face back to her aunt. Eyes wide. "But—" She begins to protest. Her entire body trembling in place.
"I know you're scared but I promise this will be so much better for you. I promise with all my heart, Sophia." Tears slowly begin to fall down her aunt's face. Sophia is getting really fed up with all the crying she's been seeing and doing lately.
"I don't want to go!" Sophia shouts. Her tiny fist clenched and feet stomping the ground. "I don't want to! I don't want to go! Please don't make me go!"
"I'm sorry but I can't take care of you, Sophia. Not the way you need to be taken care of. I promise you'll be so much happier with your dad. You have to trust me, okay?"
Sophia shakes her head vigorously side to side. "No! I won't! I don't trust you! I hate you!" Sophia screams.
Kicking and fighting against the tree adults trying to calm her down and shove her into a limo. All her efforts are in vain as she's tossed in and quickly buckled inside.
Her aunt completely disappears from view when the door shuts closed.
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Sophia swings her feet. The plastic chair is high enough that she can happily move her feet with no issues while she colors and draws a stick figure family. A mom, a dad, and a brother. Three stick figures living happily like how it should be.
"That's a very nice drawing, Sophia." Miss Potts' friend, Miss Maria, praises. Hands folded neatly in her lap.
"Thank you." Sophia takes a yellow crayon. Giving her stick figure mommy bangs.
A bell chimes above her head.
"It is time to go, Miss Hill." A voice with a funny accent enters the room.
Sophia doesn't jump or move from her position. Having quickly gotten used to the random voice from the clouds after a couple of months of living in the giant tower.
"I'll wait for Pepper but thank you Jarvis."
"You don't have to wait long. Hi, Sophia. What are you drawing?" The strawberry blonde heels click with every step she takes on her way to Sophia's side.
Miss Pepper crouches into a squat. Keeping enough distance from Sophia so that Sophia doesn't feel suffocated.
"My mom. My real mom." Sophia says spitefully. Nose crinkled and fingers holding tightly onto her crayon.
"Your mom is very beautiful. You did a wonderful job drawing her Sophia." Pepper's stare moves from the photo to the young girl sitting in the blue plastic chair.
Smiling brightly, Pepper picks up the drawing. "I'm proud of you, Sophia. You did a very good job."
The grip Sophia had on her yellow crayon slackens. Unsure how to respond.
"Are you ready to go see Tony? He has a special surprise for you today for being so good in therapy this week." Pepper throws her a wink and holds her hand out in one fluid motion.
Sophia grabs the edges of her chair, bouncing her chair back away from the blonde. Shoulder drawn up tight against her cheeks.
"It's okay. We don't have to walk holding hands. Do you want to lead the way?"
Sophia taps the tip of one of her shoes against the floor. Dragging her white (new and expensive) shoe in circles.
"Would you like to stay here for a little bit longer?" Pepper asks gently.
Sophia nods once. Keeping her gaze on the floor.
"That's okay. We can take all the time you need."
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It's Sophia's first Mother's Day without her mom. She doesn't want to leave her room. She doesn't want to go to Miss Pepper's office and have her teach her math and science. She doesn't even want to watch her favorite Disney movies.
She just wants to bury her head in her bed and blankets. No amount of new toys or stuffed animals made her feel better. Tony had brought in a pile of toys Sophia used to dream of having the night prior. A bright yellow Care Bear sitting on top of the pile with a smile.
She hates that bear. She shoved him and buried him under a pile of clothes and pillows in the corner of her room. He's not her bear. Her bear is back home waiting for her.
"Sophia, I'm coming in okay?" Pepper knocks three times before walking in.
Sophia pulls her blankets tighter around her. Turning her back to the door.
"I was wondering if you'd like to create something with me and then just maybe go to the post office." The bed dips behind her.
Sophia shuffles closer to the edge. Wishing more than anything this lady would go away.
"It will be really fun I promise. I'm sure your mom and brother would love to see some drawings from an upcoming artist like you."
Sophia pulls down the blanket slightly. Moving and twisting to turn around to stare at the smiling blonde. Eyes peeking ever so lightly from underneath her mountain of blankets.
"Do you really mean it?" Sophia asks. Voice cracking with emotion.
"Of course I do. Come on, let's go write letters and draw some pictures to mail your mom and brother. We can even send a video if you're up for it." Pepper reaches forward with her pointer finger. Tugging down the blanket to expose Sophia's face.
"How does that sound? We can even go out for some snacks after. There's this coffee place not too far from here that sells the best pastries."
Sophia throws off her blanket. Feet hitting the floor with a thud. Pepper barely finishes her sentence before Sophia is out the door and running down the hall.
"Come on, Miss Pepper! Let's go! I'm going to need your help!" Sophia shouts.
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"No, not like that. It goes over here, Pepper." Sophia takes the rounded red lego and snaps it in place with another red one.
"Oh, you're right. You're so smart, Sophia. I don't know how I would get this lego set done without you." Pepper laughs. Placing more of the lego pieces in neat piles on the standing bed tray.
Sophia sits on her knees. Bouncing in place on the plush bed in her dad's room. "Thank you." She sings, reaching for another piece.
"Do you think this piece goes here?" Pepper grabs a white circular piece and tries to join it with the red.
"No!" Sophia shrieks with laughter. Picking up the box, she shoves the cover in Pepper's face. "See! That's part of a different flower, not the rose!"
"I see it now! You're right. I was definitely wrong. That doesn't go there at all. Where should I put it then?"
"How are my girls doing?"
Sophia looks up to see her dad leaning against the door frame of his room. A small grin stretched across his tired face.
"Dad, look! Pepper got a lego flower from Work Santa but she's not good at it so she asked me to help her." Sophia waves the small booklet in the air.
"That's very nice of you. Pepper can be a little slow at engineering because she's not very good at following directions." Tony brings a hand to his face. Whispering loudly behind it.
"Definitely." Sophia nods her head. Reaching for more pieces.
Sophia didn't even notice the throw pillow sailing over her head.
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Sophia clutches the homemade card in her hands close to her chest. The neon pink paper crinkling under the pressure.
"It's okay, Sophia. She will love it." Tony pats her on the back. Nudging her closer to the sleek office door.
"But what if she doesn't?" Sophia looks her dad in the eyes with fear.
"Honey, that's not possible." He nudges her again with an encouraging smile.
Drawing in a deep breath, Sophia slides the metallic door and walks into the office with shaky steps.
"Sophia? What brings you here?" Pepper places down her pen. Not once hesitating to give Sophia her full attention.
"I wanted to give you this! Happy Mother's Day!" Sophia's words rush out and tangle together.
Running to the corner of the desk, she tosses the card and runs out the room with her eyes scrunched close. Not even waiting to see where the card lands.
Tony smoothly gloves his way in front of the door. Cutting off Sophia's only exit. "Nice job, kid." He reaches down to ruffle her hair and turns her around by the shoulders. Forcing her to face Pepper (and her fears) head on.
"Sophia!" Pepper chokes out. Hands holding the card in front of her face. "This is wonderful. I love this so much I'm going to frame it."
"You really mean it?"
"Of course I do." Pepper glides forward with arms out. "May I have a hug?"
Shifting from side to side, she looks around the room. The skyline view shines bright in the early morning. Lighting Pepper up like an angel. Sophia clutches her dad's hand in both of hers. Tony grins at her with encouragement. Patting the top of her head and mouthing the word 'go'.
Sophia lets her hands fall. Pepper kneels low. Arms still raised and ever so patient.
Racing forward, Sophia tumbles into her. Wrapping her arms so tightly around her shoulder that Sophia's chin knocks into Pepper's shoulders.
"I love you." Sophia mumbles. Cheek pressed against Pepper's.
"I love you so much more."
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end of the mother's day special
word count 5.015
AN: in case you missed it up top, I have a brief description of the inspiration behind this chapter if you would like to read it. and as always thank you for reading and following!
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THANK YOU NOTES
ChiTown4ever
-writing the scenes of Tony dying is so heart breaking! I went back to rewatch it for the multiple scenes I wrote. still as emotional now as it was the first time. thank you so much for reviewing! it definitely encouraged me to write more. i already two and a half more chapters ready to go
-if you like that twist I can't wait for you to see the others! ned is too good of a character and such a comedic relief i could never blimp him away
Subham Roy
-first and foremost sorry for the late thanks. this is the first time I actually went back and looked and wrote out respondes in my already written chapters. i hope I haven't let your expectations down with these new chapters