Five days later.
Catra walked back to their little room, having successfully dropped off Finn and Violet for the night, Violet with Adam and Teela, while Finn resided with Bow and Glimmer. She knew she and Adora should be bonding with Finn as much as they could in his early days, but watching Adora try and hold him whilst entertaining Violet without groaning in pain solidified her decision. Maia said the first night out of the healer's ward would be the worst, what without the consistent flow of pain medication and certain ways of sitting. Plus, Violet was more than happy to spend the night with her uncle. Catra knew first-hand how painful surgical recovery was, never mind abdominal - which apparently hurt major ass, as Mermista had claimed after the c-section birth of her little girl, Merlea.
Catra instructed Adora to make her way into the mini-living room and relax, maybe change into something a bit less constricting than her formal dress. What? It was the only dress that Catra could find! Of course, Marlena loaned her postpartum nightgown to Adora, one that had no shape or constriction whatsoever. So as she walked in, she was unsurprised by the sight, yet, equally surprised.
"Babe, you good?" She asked chuckling. Adora sat on the sofa, glaring venomously at the tangle of clothes on the ground, clad in only her "mom bra, mom knickers" and compression socks.
"Stupid thing wouldn't go on," She hissed. Catra simply bent down to pick it up with a flourish. Adora seethed. "Fuck you," She spat. Catra held out her hand and helped hoist up the five-day postpartum mother. "What have I done now?" She asked gently, having had first-hand experience throughout her lovely wife's pregnancy emotions. "How dare you bend over like that?" Adora grumbled into her neck. "Aw, baby," Catra soothed, wrapping her arms tightly around the blonde's waist. "You'll get there. It'll just take time," She reminded gently. Adora whined as she pulled back, snatching the fabric out of Catra's grasp. "I'll go and get some tea," She said gently. Whilst in the kitchens, she heated a rice pouch that Perfuma had suggested for her cramps, luckily brought by Catra herself to manage her own period cramps.
When she padded back up fifteen minutes later, Adora was lounging on the sofa again, this time in the dress with her "mom bra" thrown across the room. She had her eyes shut tight, pressing a hand to her stomach with a grimace. Catra hummed from behind. "Stitches hurt?" She asked, tapping her shoulder with the rice pouch. Adora glanced up with a wince. "Kinda, yeah…"
Catra recalled with a grimace how painful her stomach looked that morning. One last check before Adora was released, and at that time Catra was able to stay and observe. Seeing the developing scar from her surgery, held together with a series of thin stitches made her shudder. The area around the stitches was still an angry red, and all she wanted to do was soothe the spot with a gentle hand.
She sat on the edge of the couch, just by her feet, as Adora shuffled into a better position to soothe her stomach. Her movements were sluggish, and every bend or stretch pulled her face into a wince. After nudging a cushion under her still-aching back, she finally unfurled, lying back with a hiss through her teeth. "Here, try this," Catra handed her the rice pouch. "Want me to rub your feet?" She asked gently. Adora put the pouch on her stomach, sighing. "Please?" Catra began to rub her swollen feet, drinking in every detail.
Despite the greasy hair, rosy-cheeked face, milk stains on the dress already and the faint odour of general body-ness, Catra had never seen her wife look more beautiful. "Don't look at me, I'm hideous," Adora covered her eyes. "No, you're not. All I see is the woman who went through hell and back to give us our new baby boy," Catra soothed. Adora grumbled, turning her head to the holo-pad, relaying some videos that Mara had taken during her time as She-Ra, narrating for a world that would never watch.
Catra sat in silence for a moment, simply letting her wife rest and just be. After all, it exhausted her out to chase after Violet and look after Finn, let alone Adora, who tried to do both whilst recovering from a major surgery. It also helped that Sparkles and Arrows were so ready to help take on the whirlwind five year old mini-Adora. Truth be told, as much as it galled her to admit, Catra thought the alliance were obsessed with Violet - after all, they'd all helped Adora raise her for the first few months of her life - four nearly five months, if she remembered correctly. By force of repetition, Catra's hands kept kneading the tender (and still slightly swollen) flesh of her beloved's feet.
She truly had no idea when she stopped, and it was only because her hands began to cramp. She pulled away and rubbed her palms with a towel - they'd gotten sweaty. She sat up onto her knees and glanced at the holo-pad, then her wife. Mara was arguing with the robot (Hope Light she thinks, Catra can't be assed to remember) about proper sword etiquette, whilst her current She-Ra was fast asleep on the sofa, chest falling and rising with each breath. Not wanting to disturb her, Catra simply grabbed the woollen blanket and draped it over her form, retreating into the bedroom for the night.
~.~.~.~
Deep down, two weeks after Finn's arrival, Adora knew she was struggling again. So much so, she wasn't struggling with him at all.
Let her explain.
When she was pregnant with Vi, she hated every single moment. She was as sick as a pig all day everyday, fighting a war, leading a war trying to keep her feelings aside and basically everything else. Then, the depression after she'd had her beautiful baby girl, and- and-
She took another swig of her drink. But, with Finn… she was fine. Sure, she was still sick as a pig, but this time, she wasn't fighting a war and she didn't have the world knocking on her door every day. She had Catra by her side every day, and her beautiful little girl, yearning after her little brother. She sickness was tolerable - if only a small amount, but she and Catra had actively tried to have another baby. So, the sickness was a small sacrifice. But when he was born, granted she didn't see him much in his first 12 hours of life, all she felt was love. Undeniable, overflowing love.
She didn't feel that when Violet was born. In fact, she didn't feel any kind of love for her baby girl until she was close to a month and a half old. The fact that she felt it with Finn upon immediate sight made her feel awful - like she didn't deserve to love him so soon.
She took another swig of her drink, leaning against the stone wall with a sigh. Poor Violet. She was probably so confused what was going on. Catra's attitude to her girl hadn't changed: she treated Vi and Finn the exact same: and when she didn't, she explained it. Violet understood, at her tender age of 5, that babies needed more caring in the periods they were awake, so she was fine if either of her mothers had to rush off to look after the newborn. But Adora had tried to overcompensate - even she could tell.
When she wasn't feeding Finn, or watching him when it was Catra's time to see Vi - or sleep - she would be neglecting her own need to sleep in favour of spoiling her daughter.
She took another swig.
It was at that point she realised how much she'd drank. She shrugged and stared at the stars.
"Adora?"
She shut her eyes, hoping the person would go away. Alas, luck wasn't on her side today. Her mother came to sit by her side with a quiet grunt. Adora held the bottle out, an offer. Marlena sniffed once, then took the bottle, swallowing a mouthful. She hummed, putting the bottle in between them both. "We had something like this back on Earth. Tequila," She said. Adora nodded silently, letting the buzz of the alcohol run through her veins. She couldn't even get drunk drunk because of She-Ra. Her metabolism burned it away before she would enjoy the buzz. It'd take half a bottle to get a nice buzz. A full bottle would get her drunk for an hour. "Catra couldn't find you," Marlena began. Adora sighed quietly. "That's because I didn't want to be found," She shut her eyes. "Is there a particular reason why?" Marlena asked. Adora hummed.
"Do you ever feel like shit mother?" She asked a few moments later. Marlena visibly froze. "How ever do you mean?" She stuttered. Adora sighed and fisted her eyes. "Doesn't matter," She mumbled. Marlena was quiet for a few minutes, just taking occasional sips from the bottle. "The answer to your question is all the time, Adora. If, as a mother, you find it easy and smooth sailing, then something isn't right," Marlena finally turned to look at her. "Every single mother, in every single planet or universe, will struggle when she bares a babe," Adora inclined her head to her mother's voice, but didn't offer any words. "I get the feeling that you may be struggling with Finn?" She asked quietly. Adora sighed softly. "No, and that's the problem,"
Marlena hummed. "Why is that a problem? From what I've heard from my son, Finn is quite an easy baby," Ah yes. Since his arrival, Marlena and Randor had only been permitted to see Finn once: and that was when Adora was freshly recovering after her 3rd day post-surgery, and Catra finally had a rest. "He is, he's perfect… but," She sighed. "I fear I love him too much," She took the last swig of the bottle, and dragged a third one out from behind. Marlena raised an eyebrow. "How so?" She asked. Adora swallowed back her bile. "When Vi was born, I was diagnosed with PPD," She admitted. "It made trying to raise her… impossible. I had people helping me, but it-" She sighed. "I couldn't raise her properly. All I felt for her was a begrudging sense of: keep her alive and clean. Nothing else," She popped open the bottle and took several large gulps in quick succession.
"I don't feel that with Finn. At all. In fact, I nearly killed Glimmer when she tried to take him so Catra and I could give Vi a bath," She sighed, relishing in the burn of alcohol in her veins. "I just- I feel like I'm letting Vi down by loving Finn without barriers, you know?" She finally said. Marlena sighed quietly. "You're not, Adora. Sometimes, PPD works in awful ways. I held nothing but resentment for you when you were first born. All I wanted to do was hold Adam. You, of course, latched onto your father, because of this. But watching you cry for his arms only made me feel angry, and made me resent you even more," She said. "But, just after you turned two months old, something just… clicked. I'm not sure how else to explain it," Marlena's face grew a soft smile. "Then you were my baby girl. I still loved Adam, don't misunderstand me, but then you began to latch more onto myself, and Adam to your father,"
Adora finally tuned to meet her eyes. Marlena sighed quietly, meeting green eyes to grey. "Motherhood isn't easy. Whoever told you it was, is a fool. The feelings you're feeling? They're normal," She said. Adora cleared her throat. "But the solution? It isn't going to be in the bottom of a bottle," Marlena moved the bottle away. "It'll go away. You're an amazing mother to Violet. She's no idea how much you struggled in her infancy. All she cares about now is how you treat her now. The guilt? It'll go away," Adora sighed, but smiled slightly.
"Thanks… I needed this," She made a move to stand up, but the world tilted. Marlena took her shoulders with a small laugh. "I'm thinking, that along with the early stages of motherhood, you've neglected to eat much today?" She asked. Adora flushed. "That is why the alcohol is hitting you harder than usual. Come, we'll get some food in you. You can sleep it off… and…" She paused. Adora hummed. "What?" It was at that point, she realised the slur in her voice. "If you and Catra will allow it, perhaps Randor and I can watch after Finn and Violet for the afternoon. You two can rest, talk, walk about the castle, do whatever it is you'd wish. Or simply sleep," She offered. Adora put a hand on the wall to help her blurry vision. "Yeah… we'd like that,"