Chapter 9

Logan stood up from his barstool, and hailed his arm up towards Rory, who was making her way through the busy bar towards him, to let her know about his whereabouts. He'd been in this place once before, but tonight wasn't what he'd anticipated, the place being a lot busier than last time. He'd liked this place for its interior that reminded him of a place he'd liked in London, half hoping Rory would recognize the similarity, too. But the law firm celebrating a win of some sort in one corner and the bachelor party in another weren't creating the right mood. Now it felt suffocating and loud.

"Hey," Rory said, reaching him.

It was the evening of the following day, Logan having needed to get a proper full night of sleep to get as far as picking up a phone.

Logan pulled out a stool for her - "Hi", he said, trying his best to master up the same enthusiasm as Rory as radiating, but it was harder than he'd hoped.

"I was hoping you'd call," Rory said, taking a seat.

Logan wasn't sure how to respond - it had never been a question that he'd at some point get in contact with her again. In no scenario would he have wanted to leave 'them' in limbo after the other morning's talk. But it wasn't so much about that talk that he'd called her this time.

"You want to get a drink or…?" Logan began, but regretted it instantly. "Honestly, I wasn't expecting there to be this many people," Logan admitted, regretfully.

"Yeah, I wasn't sure if I had the right place," Rory said, looking around them.

As she did, Logan dwelled on just looking at her. He was still not used to being able to do it - around the guys he'd watched himself to not linger too long, not to cause unnecessary insinuating comments. Logan could tell Rory had definitely made herself look a little nicer tonight. Not that she looked anything but nice on her worst. But he knew her tricks. A little black dress, denim jacket, cute little earrings in the shade of her eyes, touch of her favorite perfume and burgundy red lipstick. She looked delicious, there was no doubt about it. But Logan's mind was elsewhere unfortunately, unable to savor it the way that he was meant to.

"Maybe we could just go someplace else?" Logan suggested, not caring to finish his last sip of scotch. He realized that this was odd behavior for him - not being sure of his settings. He used to be so good at this - knowing the perfect place for every situation in the City.

"O..okay," Rory said, having not anticipated such an early departure after just arriving, and swiftly got up from her seat. Now Logan just felt bad for making her leave without a drink in her. But he just couldn't stand being there a minute longer, and the exit was the only thing on his mind right now.

The air outside was fresh but damp from earlier rain, offering Logan a chance to breathe. The depth of his exhale, coming out more like a sigh, betrayed him.

"Are you okay?" Rory asked, after a few minutes of walking in a seemingly randomly chosen direction.

"Uh-huh," Logan said, coming off a little dismissive.

Her silence was enough of a response.

"Actually, I don't know. And, look, I'm just going to apologize right now because maybe you expected us to meet today and hoped I would have some answers. That I'd had time to think…But I'm sorry - I don't. I haven't. Not yet. I have every intention to… But today I just needed to see you. You, not the guys who'd just make a joke of everything," Logan explained, his voice breaking a little.

"Oh… okay?" Rory reacted, tentatively. It was not lost on Logan there was some disappointment in her tone. But Logan could tell she would catch onto his mood being a little off, he was sure of it.

"My dad died yesterday," Logan came out and said it, but his voice came out hoarser than he'd planned, almost like his throat was dry.

"Wha..?" Rory hesitated, sounding like she wasn't sure she heard him correctly.

"My dad died," he repeated. He couldn't quite believe it himself yet. Mitchum Huntzberger, the great newspaper magnate, was not invincible after all. All the money and influence in the world hadn't been able to save him from aging cells, stress and overworking, not even all the private physicians and chefs, who'd spent years making the impossible possible.

"Oh my god, Logan! Are you okay? What happened?" Rory exclaimed.

"He had a heart issue and the surgery…. He developed a major blood clot. There was nothing they could do," Logan recapped.

It was easier to just deliver the facts than to attempt to answer her other question. The truth was - he had no clue how he felt. But before he had the chance to express any of his confusion it was Rory who then shocked him - by wrapping him in her arms and holding him for several long seconds. It felt so raw and unexpected, all the memories of her up close returning and his senses flooding by her essence. At the same time her touch seemed to be grounding him. For the first time since that doctor had told them the news, he actually felt like he wasn't just floating around aimlessly, going through the motions of everyday existence and fighting an odd sense of guilt for not feeling enough.

"Thank you," Logan whispered as he pulled apart. He didn't dare to be like that too long, feeling scared to get used to this. It was like he couldn't let himself get distracted from the conflictedness by anything this good.

"Anytime," Rory said, humbly, looking a little uncertain.

"I don't even…," Logan said, shaking his head, hoping she of all people would understand how he felt.

"I wouldn't know either…," Rory replied, as if reading his mind. It felt like a huge relief to Logan. His hunch had been right. Even years later - Rory just got him.

"So, you see why I haven't really had time to properly process… 'us'," Logan added.

"Of course," Rory said. But Logan could tell she was disappointed and just trying to come off super-understanding. He appreciated it, but he didn't want to hurt her either.

But instead of trying to explain himself further, what he maybe should've done, they just kept walking, reaching the Hudson river waterfront soon enough.

"You know these past few years… things between dad and me were quieter than ever. For a moment there I actually thought he was proud of me for going out on my own to do my thing. You saw him on my 25th…," Logan discussed, recalling the last birthday that they'd celebrated together.

Thinking back to those times was expectedly bitter sweet. Logan had believed them to be at their strongest even. It was around that time when he'd decided he wanted to be with her forever. It had been eye opening for him, having never truly believed he could feel so confidently about anything. But then again, his confidence in his emotions had been shattered months later.

"But he was still after his own gain?" Rory finished his thought, and jolted him out of his depressive thoughts. It was actually easier to think about his father compared to their past heartbreak.

"Pretty much. I guess he was just trying to let me do my thing, which is beyond my expectations anyways. But as he saw that I really had no intentions of coming back to the company… and that I gave it all up," Logan exhaled, pausing, and continued - "It's like he grew to resent me for it. We didn't talk for the better part of the past two years."

"I'm sure it just hurt his pride," Rory commented, trying to think along.

"I only went to the hospital for Honor. I mean, I never expected it to be something serious. Just another episode… but I just never expected it…," Logan continued.

"To be so final? Sorry… I didn't mean to cut in," Rory said, coming off almost a little needy for finishing his thoughts all the time.

"It's fine," Logan replied.

To him it actually sounded a little amusing. But it also felt the least lonely he'd felt in years - someone actually listened to him and tried to understand how he felt. So what if inside he knew that Rory had an ulterior motive here too - she liked him, possibly wanted to get back together with him. It was odd to think of Rory that way - that it was her wanting him and him just not knowing what he wanted. In the past - he'd always felt like he'd been the one who'd wanted her most of all, more than she'd wanted him by far.

"So, when's the funeral?" Rory asked, after a little while.

"I don't know. Honor is handling it. I'm not even sure if I'm expected to go or whether I want to go," Logan explained.

"Well, I'm sure, you'll figure it out," Rory assured.

"You think? Honestly… right now, I just wish someone, Honor or you… would just tell me what to do. Obligation would make this easier. Someone telling me what the right thing to do would make this easier. If I choose to go, I keep thinking what the rest of the family would read into it. I don't want them thinking I'm just waiting to creep back under the company's wing now that he's gone," Logan discussed.

"I don't think I'm in any position to tell you anything… it's not like we're… together…," Rory pointed out the obvious, biting her lip.

"Of course, I'm sorry," Logan said, adding - "it was not fair for me to…" But it was odd. He felt as if they were together. In some way at least.

"And just think you were thinking we could be just friends?" Rory reminded him, teasingly.

"Aren't we? I mean, beneath everything, aren't we still friends? This is us being friends, right?" Logan discussed.

"I guess. And by no means do I want to make tonight about me. But if I wasn't clear about it before, I want us to talk things out. Yes, fine - not today, obviously. But I need to understand what went through your mind when you proposed and when you broke things off… I would just like to forgive, forget and hopefully rebuild. Or at least be able to consider it," Rory explained.

"Okay," Logan exhaled. "I'll try to explain this the best that I can. And I understand you wanting some clarity, I really do. And I don't want you to feel bad about wanting clarity in the midst of all of this concerning my dad, if anything this is a very good distraction," Logan continued to explain.

"I don't just want to be a distraction," Rory mumbled.

"Yes, I'm sorry. That's not the way I meant it," Logan replied.

"Can you just tell me that you're considering it? That you haven't given up on the possibility of us… as really as selfish as this sounds, if this is going to be some new thing - you wanting to just have me around as a friend… despite the issue being extenuating as it is," Rory said.

This was a new Rory - putting herself first - her mental wellbeing first. Logan was actually kind of proud to see it. It took courage to admit something like that. And it proved to him that she really did know him still - had it been anyone else with a family member dying this would've been considered outright tactless even. But Rory knew that his relationship with Mitchum had never been comparable to normal family relations.

"Yes, Rory. I am. When this happened, beyond Honor, you were the person I wanted to have around. To talk to you about this, us, and my dad. There was never an option of not getting in touch with you after the other morning… it was just the matter of when and how. But I'll admit, I'm being cautious here. We need to take things slow, like snail-speed… because I can't have whatever happens with us mess up everything else in our lives. My business, I've worked hard on getting where I am. And the same goes for you. You're where you wanted to be all along. If this doesn't work - it can't screw everything else up. I cannot fall into pieces again," Logan admitted, emotionally.

A small smile crept onto Rory's lips. God, it was cute.

"Okay," Rory exhaled.

"So, let's just hang out. Talk. Not even date as such, let's not push or try too hard. Can we try that?" Logan suggested.

Rory seemed to be feeling a little self conscious at that comment, but it was too late to retract. Maybe she too had debated that lipstick before coming here.

"Okay," Rory repeated her answer and that answer truly felt like the biggest relief.

Logan couldn't handle being pushed into anything right now. Slow and steady was the smart thing to do, right?

"Is there anything I can do to help… concerning the funeral, I mean?" she asked.

"I think to start with, I owe you a drink," Logan said, finally noticing another bar he knew, which promised to be quieter but not too romantic as a setting. He'd relaxed considerably by now, and while he had no intention at employing Rory into handling anything for the funeral, it was good to have her on board to bounce ideas off from, if anything were to come up.