Chapter 3
My eyes fed on her in the late night dark as my fingertips caressed her plain wrist. Not a more beautiful sight could be imagined by the best poet in the universe.
I had laid with her this evening, but it wasn't over, it could never be over. The bed in my quaint home was equipped with a simple cream-colored duvet, as well as similarly colored pillows and a sheet and she could not fit better in any other place than there, right there, in my bed.
"How do you feel, my love?" she whispered, no doubt trying to preserve the peace of twilight
"I'm beyond the imagination, I have never felt so alive in my entire life" I whispered in response "Lying with you has rebirthed me better than any baptism ever could"
As I look back I can not understand how my beloved didn't run screaming the first time I waxed poetic, such passion should scare anyone, no?
But not my Carmen.
Leaning in closer I brought my lips to her tender ear and began kissing every centimeter of exposed skin. I kissed passionately, counting the minutes until we inevitably had to part.
"Is there something you're not telling me?" She asked suddenly
"And what might that be, mi amore?"
"You seem worried…don't lie to me, please"
Her pleading stung. If even a stranger ( even though describing the woman I had in front of me as a stranger was impossible ) could identify the state of my mind then anyone could.
"If I tell you, you will not wish to lay here with me anymore" I chuckled dryly
"Don't presume to know what will scare me off. I sadly think it's impossible to make me leave you now"
The clump I had been carrying in my throat now grew larger.
"I-I'm not who you think I am. I am a monster" My voice was grave and low as I spoke "I've done things, violent things, unforgivable things"
Her dark head of hair bobbed as she nodded understandingly
"Tell me."
"The work I do, it's not moral."
As the strained confession left my lips I noticed it had started raining. The smattering against the window felt like extra protection and I leapt to meet it. I sighed upon seeing my reflection, the mirrored image showed me not as I normally was but instead closer to how I felt, my dark hair was disheveled and I looked exhausted.
Eleazar, please
The all too familiar echo played in my head.
Stop, I'm just a child. Master? Eleazar?
His screams called to me
"Eleazar…"
Regret flooded me and I began taking deep breaths to calm down.
Eleazar, PLEASE!
"Eleazar."
A second face in the view brought me back to the now. Her voice and expression were laced with concern as she began stroking her soft golden hand against my callused back.
"You don't have to tell me. I trust you" As if trying to copy me, she started kissing my shoulder blades and whispering sweet nothings
"Please know that I will in due time, just not today, Corazon"
My gaze instinctually dropped down to the floor like an errant child not wanting to see his mother's disappointment. Would she see it as a betrayal? Should I go against my boundaries and tell her anyway? Before I could continue musing I felt a gentle but firm grip on my chin tilting it upwards
"Now, now, we'll have none of that. You really needn't tell me, I understand. Let's do
something fun today, huh, El." She spoke sweetly, showing me her award-winning smile
"Let's," I said pecking her already thoroughly kissed lips
…
My hand grazed her slightly wet hand as I looked around for something to catch my interest
"So, I've learned that I really need to start asking more questions" I began, pressing my lips against her hair-covered neck to have something to entertain myself with
"What? This isn't your idea of fun?"
"No, mi amore, looking at strange pottery while being soaked in rain isn't my idea of fun"
"Well, if you're good, perhaps I'll reward you later" She grinned as she spoke
I looked up at the never-changing gray forecast
"I'm beginning to question if it's really worth it"
The time ticked on impossibly slowly as I watched my new lover pick up piece after piece, turn it, and put it back again. Only one had actually managed to attract my interest.
The eye-catching piece was none other than a blue vase that had something shaped like, seemingly, a woman, sticking out of its side. What an ugly creation, not a lot unlike vampires, I thought to myself. As I gawked I couldn't help but peak at the brightly colored price tag
"Santa Maria, Carmen, do you see this? 420 Pesetas for this blue monstrosity-"
"Shh, stop that," my companion said giggling in embarrassment, taking my hand and leading me far away.
Once we had gotten a good bit away from the pottery shop Carmen turned to me and shot me a death glare
"What? You actually liked that?" I asked
"Well no, but what if someone heard? What if the poor creator of that vase heard your remark and cried herself to sleep because of it? Did your madre not teach you manners?"
"She did. Besides I doubt anyone could hear me except for you." I countered flashing her a grin
"I'm serious."
Seeing my mistake I clutched her hand gently and prepared myself for some extreme damage control.
"You're right. What I said was wrong and I should have kept it to myself, at least until we got home"
"That's right… But I do agree it was absolutely hideous."
…
The dark evening had taken a turn for the better and was now projecting an orange glow on everyone and everything, whether they liked it or not. My hand had found its permanent resting place on Carmen's slender waist and the air felt refreshing as I tried readying myself for the inevitable.
"Carmen, mi vida…" I began quietly
"Si"
"I have to go back to work tomorrow"
"Work? So you'll be leaving for a couple of hours?" She questioned
yes, and while there I might damn one or two people to their death, If it's a productive day of course.
"Yes, that's right."
My cowardice grew larger and larger as my psyche howled but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Let her lay with the image of mercilessness one more night.
In comfort cowardice thrives and in rebellion, it begs to see freedom. That is inevitable, but the decision to let it out is the bearer's choice.
A/N: Thank you for all the love and support I hope the story didn't disappoint this time either.