Kuro Furasshu: Wait till you see the second draft haha

We rode in silence, which both of us needed a little of after all of this.

Finally, it all feels like it's settling down - I changed, and so did she, but everything was out in the open, there weren't any secrets left between the two of us, and we both kinda of had a handle on what we were.

Well, we didn't have anything important left that we were keeping from each other. Nothing that would hurt us.

I could feel my angel's breath as she leaned her head on my shoulder.

I couldn't help but watch Julie as she rested. I studied her face, and I realized it looked much more different than when she was awake properly. Her face looked more like the Jules I knew before all this had happened, the anger lines smoothed out, almost peaceful. I hadn't noticed before, but there were dark circles under her eyes. She looked younger than she did awake—young, and incredibly weary.

It was a look I didn't like. She shouldn't have to be so… heroic. So self-sacrificing. Because that was what she was, she was a hero - keeping people safe, putting her life on the line to stop monsters from hurting others. She should be… both of us should be back in her garage like we always were - her fixing up the bikes or working on her car, and me, sitting on the side making stupid quips. The both of us carefree. Normal.

I could live with being a vampire - my angel was the only reason I wanted to be one… but could Jules live without being a wolf?

"Hey," I said as softly as I could, not wanting to disturb her from the obvious rest she needed, but I needed to ask. "Are you ok?"

Slowly, she opened her eyes again, lazily turning her head, and smiling at me with a confused look. "Yeah." She said it was obvious. "Why wouldn't I be?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I just… you seem kinda… tired." I said gently. She sighed, shuffling in her seat and closing her eyes again, not saying anything about it.

After a second of silence, she asked back. "Are you okay?"

I kept quiet for a minute. "Yeah."

She waited a few seconds, her eyes still closed, and then eventually I said a quiet. "No." I heard her concerned breath, and I could hear her heartbeat pick up slightly.

She sat up, and looked at me, though I didn't look at her. I didn't want to keep seeing pity from the wolves - anger and disgust I could deal with, but pity wasn't something I wanted - especially not from Jules. I might be dead, but they didn't have to keep making me feel bad about it.

"I mean… no… but I'm… I don't know." I muttered, staring out the windshield as I took deep breaths. I didn't want to say that at all, but I wanted to be honest with her, as much as I could be - she deserved that.

We were both quiet for a long time… until she suddenly bit out. "I don't understand how she could do that."

"Do what?" I asked, playing dumb.

"Leave you… say those things. I know that there's some good vamps," She grabbed my hand, sucking in a breath at feeling my cold skin, "But some… some are just… evil." She squeezed my hand, and then let go. "Or just stupid."

I pursed my lips, letting the pain roll through me. "She was being kind," I said quietly, to which I got a hollow laugh from her. She shook her head, scowling.

"No Beau - no. That was not kindness."

"It was." I insisted, holding onto the steering wheel tight. I could tell that she wanted to argue with me about it, that she'd wanna talk about this till the sun went down and the cloudy day went away. So, quickly, I asked. "Well, what about you? Why are you being so kind to me? Why go through the effort of defending a vampire from your pack?"

That got her quiet luckily, and hopefully distracted for the rest of the ride… but I was genuinely curious, I looked over at her, giving her an encouraging smile.

She gave another tired sigh. "Because it wasn't fair." She grumbled, crossing her arms. "We let you down. We were meant to keep exactly what happened to you from happening." She bit her lip. "And… I… I don't care that you're a vamp, Beau. I know you're not lying when you say that you haven't killed anyone, so I know you're not like the rest of them."

I kept quiet. Her voice was getting shaky. "And… I couldn't… I didn't like the thought of you being dead."

I let out a low laugh. "Well - a little late on that one." She shoved my shoulder.

"You know what I mean."

I nodded my head, a small smile on my lips. "Yeah - I do," I said softly. I looked over at her, and I hoped that she could tell that I felt the same about her. Without her, I really would be gone. Something that I kind of did wish would've been the case… sometimes.

We were getting close, just about three miles away from downtown, where Sam's boyfriend was apparently grabbing some specialty steak for the wolves, or something. I was only sort of paying attention when Jay and Em were talking about him. I had other things on my mind.

Like right now. Jules was blushing from her little confession, and I was smiling, a little more relaxed. I let my shoulders roll back into the seat as I lazily drove us.

"Well, that's good to know because I was gonna try and throw myself off a bridge for being a filthy bloodsucker." I said suddenly with a grin, waving a hand nonchalantly, "Not getting to hang out in the sun - oof, that's gonna be torture, no heat - all the time it's just constant cold and darkness."

I quickly got a punch in the shoulder for it. "Shut up." She muttered, shaking her head with a smile.

"Ow," I said bluntly, my smile getting a little wider.

"Hey Beau," She whispered, chewing on her lip as she called my attention. I looked over at her again and saw that she was a little… nervous. Sad, but nervous. I didn't say anything, not wanting to interrupt whatever it was that was on her mind.

"I'm… I'm sorry that we didn't save you." She said so quietly that the human me wouldn't have been able to hear it.

Instantly, my mind flashed to when she opened her front door earlier, glaring at me, and spitting insults. I could remember the conflict in her eyes… and I could still see her red face, and the tear stains. It looked like she'd been crying all night.

I'm guessing that's what that was about, and a hammer blow hit my chest thinking about her being in pain because of me.

"Hey. No. Don't worry about it Jules - seriously." I said, shaking my head, making sure that I was looking her in the eyes. "My numbers been up for a while now," I said softly, another hammer blow hitting my chest as I said these same words to someone else. "I was meant to be dead for a long time now. If it had to be like this then… I'm glad."

I could see she still wanted to argue, to say that she was a failure or whatever, but I quickly said next. "And if it was meant to be like this, then I'm lucky… I get to stay with Charlie, with my mom… with you… I don't have to give any of you up. Ever."

I watched the blood rushing to her face, and I felt breathless as I nodded along with my own words. "Better yet, I can keep my loved ones safe. I don't have to be a damsel in distress all the time." I said, reaching over and taking her hand, squeezing it. "I'm okay with this."

We sat quietly for a minute, just looking into each other's eyes. It looked like she wanted to say something like she was begging with her eyes for me to do something in return.

"It's still not fair." She whispered, looking at me all sad. "You should be a human, happy, living a long fulfilling life."

I flinched back hard. My hand was still holding hers, but I had to close my eyes quickly as the pain hit me like lightning.

"Sorry," she whispered.

I quickly shake my head, smiling through the pain. "It's fine Jules… just… memories."

I grunt a little. "Anyway - as long as I get to live a long life with all of you, then I'm… I'll be ok," I said, not quite able to say happy. I don't think I could ever really feel that truly anymore.

She let out a little sigh, but nodded her head, knowing it would be pointless to argue.

"Anyway, I'm sure if you ever get tired of me, you and the other wolves can just come and deal with me?" I say, finally letting her hand go, and putting it back on the wheel, smiling. "Though I've gotta warn ya, I run fast."

"Not as fast as us." She mumbles, letting a grin out.

"Wanna bet?" I asked, remembering the last time I ran all out. I felt faster than light like nothing could touch me. On top of that, this would be the perfect way to get her out of the dumps. So a win-win.

"Ha, that's a losing bet. So yes. When and where?" She asked, sitting up a little at the thought of racing, of having a challenge.

"Tomorrow?"

"Deal." She said holding a hand out for me to shake, which I quickly did, smiling confidently. She let out a small laugh, and flopped back into her seat, putting her foot up on the dash.

"Hey, so, I have a question," I said, tilting my head to the side a little bit. I could feel her steely gaze suddenly hit me as I watched the road, and her grin getting wider.

"Shoot."

"Ok, a little bit of a weird question, like really weird." I gave fair warning, glancing at her. Her brow quirked up.

"Go ahead then. Just so long as it's not weird weird."

I shrugged, not sure if it was or not. "What happens to your clothes? I mean, when you change. When you fought Paula, I saw what happened to your shoes, but… I didn't see any other scraps or anything."

Her grin slowly turned mischievous as she studied my worried expression. "What?" she said. "What are you imagining?"

I smiled with embarrassment this time, and I knew I'd have been blushing if I wasn't a vampire. "I'm not imagining anything. It's just… out in the woods, it seems like it would be cold… and dangerous…"

Jules laughed, delighted at my sudden discomfort, then shook her head. "Our clothes kind of change with us. At least close-fitting clothes. You didn't think we were wearing these as a fashion statement, did you?" She gestured down at the biking shorts and sleeveless undershirt. "Regular clothes, no go. And shoes, dream on."

"And you aren't cold at all?" I marveled. I can still remember the annoying chill of night. It never seemed to go away in this place… not that I wouldn't miss it with everything I had if I ever left.

She shrugged. "Not really. You know when you thought I had a fever before? After the movie? That was just my body getting up to a normal temperature for us."

It took me a second to recall, but it came back fast. "And what is a normal temperature for you?" I asked, curious.

"I've been told it's one -oh-eight, one-oh-nine," she said. "I don't know, I've never bothered to check, but I could stand out in a snowstorm dressed like this, and it wouldn't bother me."

"Huh." I nodded. "For me, it's like I don't feel temperature at all. I'm just like constantly comfortable."

"Nice perk for a leech." She said, rolling her eyes with a smile.

"You heal fast too?" I asked thoughtfully, ignoring the barb, as I remembered Paula's scar. "That's a wolf thing, too?"

Jules grinned. "Sure is." Her eyes lit up suddenly. "Want me to show you? Got a knife in here" She asked, reaching for my glove compartment. Quickly, I reached out and grabbed her wrist, shaking my head.

"What?" She asked teasingly. "I thought I didn't smell good to leeches?"

"You don't, you'll smell worse - and if it gets on the seats, then it'll be stuck in here," I said letting her go gently, shivering exaggeratedly. In all honesty, I just didn't wanna see her get hurt - but I feel like if I told her that, she'd do it just to prove how tough she was.

Jules laughed, but obediently leaned back, shaking her head. "You know you smell really bad too… like candy or something - like really sweet, sugary, gross candy. It burns my nose." She scrunches up her nose, rubbing it as she thinks about it.

I just scrunch up my nose as well, giving her a mock glare for a second, both of us laughing lightly.

After a second, she sighs. "You know… Quil's gonna change soon. Her grandma was telling us that she's been getting sicker these past few days and that her temperature is getting up to what ours is. It won't be long now."

Her eyes were distant. The quiet in the car wasn't so fun anymore, it felt strained. I reached over and patted her on the shoulder, giving her a sympathetic look, and ignoring her little jump at my cold hand - which she glared at me for. Though her strained smile told me that she didn't mind.

"Quil never stood a chance," She continued. "She's like me, a direct descendant of one of the wolves that was in the pack before us. Quilla Ateara, and I'm a descendant of Elda Black, and I'm related to Quilla, too, because she was my father's mother. Neither of us stood a chance. It will be soon now. Very soon."

She was quiet again, her dark eyes even darker than usual. Jules clenched a fist, and pressed it to her forehead as she looked out the window. She took a few slow breaths.

I waited until her tense form relaxed again before I said quietly, "You know… I ran into her on the way to your place." She looked at me, curious in her dark eyes. "She was walking home, and I gave her a ride… she said that she was trying to follow you and Em, trying to find out what was going on with Sam and everything."

Jules winced, nodding. "Yeah, we saw her too."

"Could've said hi," I said, lightly teasing. "She's worried that Sam's gonna get her - like she got you."

Jules nodded again, frowning hard. "What did you say?" She asked me.

"I told her I'd keep her safe," I said softly. "And that I'd rescue you - and everyone else that she was brainwashing," I said with a bashful grin. In hindsight, maybe not the best plan, considering that I was prey to her.

"Oh yeah? You were gonna come charge in, grab me and what? Run?" She teasingly asked, to which I shrugged.

"Something like that."

"Guess you get a couple of man points for that." She said with a sigh, putting a hand on mine. "Thanks." She said quietly.

"Anytime," I whispered back. We let comfortable silence fall back in, and we were both smiling. It felt good… like old times.

"Can I ask you something? There's something else… something else I've been wondering about. Besides the clothes thing." I said suddenly, my grin melting. I wanted to let the good vibes keep going… but I had to know.

"Are you okay? Is this really bad for you?"

"Didn't you already ask that?"

"Yeah… but… I mean, just - this whole werewolf thing… Are you ok?" I said with a shrug, not really sure how to ask.

Jules stared off into space, considering. Then she turned to me. "I guess, in a lot of ways, it could be worse. When it first happened, it was absolute hell—you can't even imagine… well - I guess you can if your… uh… if your turning was similar" She said, biting her lip, looking a bit disturbed. Quickly though, she shook her head, and smiled a little. "But, if I'm being honest, half of that was because of you."

I didn't know how to respond to that, so I didn't answer.

She shook her head. "You know, I think I would have changed much sooner, if not for you. Getting upset can trigger the change earlier, but I wasn't upset at all, I was happy. So when... when it happened. All that time, feeling like I was breaking my promise to you, not being able to talk to you. Feeling like if you knew what I was, you'd run away screaming. I felt so sick, and so alone. Now that you know, and as much as it sucks… you can kinda take me if I wolf out, so… everything is so much better. All the hard parts just don't seem that hard anymore."

"What are the hard parts?" I asked softly. I had no idea if knowing just a little of what she was going through would let me help her in any way, but I hoped that it would.

Jules sighed again, leaning her head back against the headrest, and staring out the windshield at the dark trees and black sky.

"The worst part," she said in a low, rasping voice, "is feeling out of control." She closed her eyes, and there was tension in her brow as though she were in pain. "Feeling like I can't trust myself. You know what happened when I first changed? It was right after I got home from the movie. I didn't realize at the time, but I was a ticking time bomb, and my time had come. Bonnie took one look at me, and she said, 'You're looking a bit peaky, girl.' And that was it—I just completely blew up. I nearly tore her face off." A shiver went down Jules's spine. "And Sam—you saw Elliot's face. She lost control of her temper for one second, and he just happened to be standing too close.

"I think of what I almost did to Bonnie, what Sam did to Elliot—" Jules raised her hands in front of her, staring down at her palms. Her fingers were trembling slightly. "Sometimes I feel like I'm dangerous, like I'm this vicious animal normal people shouldn't be around. Like… I wanted to be your friend, but I didnt wanna be around you if it meant I could hurt you… while you were human."

Before I really thought about it, I reached over and gripped her hand in mine. "You're not an animal," I said firmly. "You're a person. A good person. And you know how staying away from me worked the last time, so let's not start in on that. I know it's tough for you—the whole wolf-temper thing. But I'm not afraid of you, Jules. I want you to know that."

Jules snorted softly and looked away, though she didn't pull her hand away from mine, even though I could tell she didn't like how cold I was. "You used to hang out with vampires. What do you know?"

"I was a freak of nature," I admitted. "Still am one." I grin.

She turned to look at me, and she laughed suddenly. She shook her head.

"Anyway," she said. "Any more wolf questions? Since we're on a roll."

We were seconds away from getting into town, so as much as I wanted to ask her a hundred more questions, I felt like we wouldn't have time for it. "Nope. We'll have to finish the interrogation later."

She snorted, rolling her eyes as she shook her head and looked back out the window.

We'd just passed the first few buildings when Jules said. "Hey, you can let me out here. I wanna grab some parts for our bikes." She pointed out the window to one of the tinier mechanic shops in town.

I quickly pull over into a spot, somehow parallel parking perfectly the first time. "I thought we were done with the bikes?" I asked with a grin.

She grinned right back. "We were - but now that you're a bit more durable, I was thinking of a couple modifications that would make it a little more… interesting."

I don't think whatever she could do to them would hold a candle to how fast I ran - or her, but I trusted her enough to know that whatever she does will be cool. "Ok, do you need a ride home?"

"Nah, I'll catch one with Elliot," she said, opening the door. Without thinking, I reached over, and I grabbed her wrist before she could hop out. She looked at me, confused for a second.

"Be safe Jules." I finally said softly, smiling.

She gave me a big smile, and leaned back over. "Idiot, I'm always safe." She gave me a kiss on the cheek and then hopped out.

I sat very, very still for a minute as she cheerfully walked into the shop. I pursed my lips, and pulled out of the spot, after that, suddenly feeling heavy. My vampire brain was going too fast, I couldn't keep up with it as thoughts hit me faster than lightning.

I can't… I shouldn't have done that. It's not fair to Jules…

I'm messed up in so many different ways, I was one hundred percent crazy. I was a vampire. I was broken inherently.

Why would she still want me? I still have this black hole inside of me, and it will never ever go away. I was crippled, and I know for a fact that I wouldn't be able to love her like she deserves.

My thoughts kept racing miles a minute - I was so distracted that I almost ran a light. I slammed down on my breaks and sat frozen in my seat as a couple of passersbyers gave me a glare.

I took a breath.

And then another.

I was thinking way too hard, and way too fast.

The light turned green and I drove down the street, shaking my head as I purposefully thought slower, trying to work out exactly what this all was between us, and how I could let her down gently if it was what I thought.

I think… I know that she sees me like that, because she clearly doesn't care that I'm a vampire, that we were meant to be mortal enemies. Though I am the one that told her that didn't matter, and it sounded like she didnt care in the first place.

But what would her pack say? Did I care what they said?

I shook my head again - harder. No. I didn't care, but that's not the point. There was… I didn't know.

I let out a groan as I pulled onto the main street Forks, wanting to slap myself as I realized how far I let this go with her.

I felt like a jerk.

I couldn't be what she wanted. She deserved someone who could love her properly. I was a shattered mess when the only one I'd ever loved told me that she didn't return those feelings.

And holy crow, that hurt. It hurts every single time… and that's the point - I can't love her in that way, not when I was weighed down by my…

I took a shuddering breath. I can't keep thinking about that.

I mean, I was a dead guy, who wanted to kill humans 24/7, and she was an amazing, fearless, warrior, meant to stop people like me. She was a hero.

I barely let myself think of my next few angst-filled thoughts as I turned the next corner, getting off the main street.

And all of those thoughts… they just evaporated as I saw floating above the buildings, just down the road, was a plume of smoke. That was the grocery store… the one that Charlie liked to get steaks from.

I listened harder, and I took in a deep breath through my nose. Sirens were coming from the distance, and I could hear people calling for help… There was some blood in the air.

Without thinking about it, my hands absentmindedly led the truck down that street - and it was chaos. The local supermarket was up in flames, completely. The windows were spitting fire, the walls were on fire, and the roof was covered.

People were standing outside, some of them were screaming, I could hear them calling in for their loved ones who were still trapped.

I parked the car on the side of the road.

Beau, let the authorities handle this… just go home. My angel whispered, worry in her voice.

"Three minutes away," I whispered blankly, that was what Charlie told me a while ago - something about how fast it took the cops to get anywhere. I don't know why my angel was worried, it's not like I could play the hero even if I wanted to. I mean what could I…

I could help. I realized I'm not human anymore. I was dead… and I could survive a lot more than any of those people could… I could help… if I wanted.

"No Beau." Her voice said next to me.

Slowly, I turned my eyes from the fire, and I saw her, clear as day, sitting next to me, her beautiful eyes begging me to stay in the truck. To leave. She reached out and grabbed my hand. "Please." She pleaded.

I could feel my throat tightening up. I could hear those people screaming louder - and that's when I saw over her shoulder, in the parking lot was the same truck I'd seen hanging on Sam's wall. Elliot's car.

The man I haven't met, but here because Sam was worried I'd kill him, he was here… trying to avoid me.

He was here because of me. Someone that had love, and a life, could die because… I shook my head slowly.

"I have to," I whispered to her. She looked like she was about to cry - if she could. It broke my heart all over again, seeing her this agonized.

I turned, jumped out, and ran over to the burning building.

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