"We should do this again sometimes, Phoebe." Lachlan gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and squeezed her hand quickly before departing her at the subway terminal. Phoebe very damn well knew what 'we should do this again sometimes' meant. They had a nice evening out, going to a movie and having veggie burgers from a rare-specialty restaurant in Tribeca. Lachlan didn't even have the consideration to ask her if she'd like to come back to his place for the night.
'We should do this again sometimes,' really meant 'haha, we're never going to the next level.'
Phoebe wanted a relationship more than anything else. Whenever she had a failed date, like the one with Lachlan just tonight, her mind wandered to Duncan. Although they'd only known one another for a few hours, some things were clear to Phoebe. The guy had charisma and wit, was an absolute gentleman, and he was gorgeous. Then Duncan told her he was interested in men.
Of course, someone with looks and personality like that just had to be gay.
Phoebe and Duncan met five years earlier while she was on a trip to Las Vegas with a couple friends she met while living on the streets. She hadn't seen them in a couple years, so a reunion was long overdue. One of them had struck gold and was the executive at a local insurance firm and the other was engaged to be married, worked a steady 9-5 job, and lived in Connecticut.
The three friends reveled in the luck they'd experienced in the past few years and felt a bit daring. They gambled, went to see a show, and walked down the Las Vegas Strip knowing damn well they could be shot at any given moment. But none of it mattered to them, because living on the streets of New York City toughened them; Vegas didn't intimidate them one bit.
At one in the morning, the Vegas lights were still bright, and the noise was still deafening. Maybe it was even more so after the number of drinks Phoebe and her friends consumed over many hours. As the three women turned a corner, she literally bumped into the guy near the entrance to one of Vegas' seediest bars. The friends were on guard immediately, ready for damage control, but Phoebe was only taken aback by the guy's outfit.
He introduced himself as Duncan, apologized, and tried to walk away from the group.
Phoebe's friends insisted they move on, but Phoebe insisted on talking to Duncan.
"Wait, come back!" Phoebe called after him, completely enamored by his smile, voice, the hair.
When Duncan nervously returned to the group, Phoebe turned her focus on them. She barely heard her friends say, without a hint of humor in their voice, that they didn't want to receive a call from the morgue when they woke up. Once the other two women left, it was just Phoebe, Duncan, the pounding noise and glaring lights of the Vegas night, and the rest was history. They spent what little remained of the night together.
When the sun rose a few hours later, Phoebe found herself married.
To Duncan, a man she met just seven hours earlier.
While they were enjoying the breakfast buffet, Phoebe learned that Duncan was from Canada and in the United States on a work visa. His work visa was expiring in a few weeks and his tiny hometown in Saskatchewan didn't offer the opportunities that Vegas had. Everyone knew Duncan in that town, everyone knew everyone's business there, everyone was born there, stayed there their whole lives, and most died without having ever left that town.
For Duncan, his home didn't come remotely close to the exuberance that came with the fame of Vegas. He didn't want to fall into the ages old habit that his family, friends, and fellow citizens had fallen into; Duncan wanted to break free of the chains of the Canadian Prairies. He wanted something different; he wanted the glitter, glitz, and glam.
After Duncan shared half his life story with Phoebe, she had become uncertain.
She was uncertain about living a life of fame. Phoebe loved what she had back in Manhattan. She'd spent the past seven years in the city and recently reunited with her grandmother, who invited Phoebe to live with her. For the first time in her life, Phoebe now had that sense of security, the stability that she wanted when she was growing up in a trailer in upstate New York.
At first, Phoebe didn't realize why she was uncertain, why she was feeling conflicted. As she listened to Duncan go on about fame and fortune, living life as a celebrity, Phoebe came to the realization that she had fallen in love with Duncan. She never knew someone could fall in love that quickly. Phoebe met him less than half a day earlier and she was already enamored by him.
Phoebe didn't want to have to leave Duncan because he wanted something she didn't. They got married the night before, just as the sky was becoming distinct from the Vegas lights. How could she walk away, knowing she was someone's wife; how would she go home and explain this to her friends, to her grandmother? Just as she was about to open her mouth to speak, Duncan said the words that blew her away:
"But don't worry. I'm totally gay," he told her in a brazen voice. It wasn't as if the world was caught in the middle of the so-called AIDS Pandemic, which some sources say began with gay men. He didn't seem to give a crap what Phoebe might think or say, or what she might do.
"So, you're gay?" Phoebe had asked him.
"Yeah, well, you know. Back in Saskatchewan, we don't talk about gays and lesbians. Being homosexual is a sin against God and all that stuff. But being here, in Vegas, has really opened my eyes. It has made me see that being gay is ok. Being gay is not a sin, it's a part of who I am."
Phoebe felt her heart breaking as Duncan spoke these words. She'd already been falling for Duncan and then he turns out to be gay. He was the first guy Phoebe could say she ever loved, even if they'd only known one another for half a day. Once they finished their buffet breakfast, Phoebe wished Duncan the best of luck with his career before returning to her friends.
She was in tears by the time she returned to her hotel room, but she didn't dare share why.
It wouldn't be until a few years later that Phoebe realized Duncan only suggested getting married so he could stay in the United States. By then, she had lost track of him and was surrounded by a new group of friends. Phoebe could've tried to look him up, but that would've taken too much time, energy, and required her to answer questions from her friends.
Since the day she said goodbye to Duncan and walked away in that hotel dining room, Phoebe couldn't recall how many failed dates she had, and the number of creepy men dated. There was always something missing, or something horribly wrong, with these men.
To put it simply: They weren't Duncan.
Duncan married her to stay in the country, but Phoebe had been very much in love with him.
Instead of returning to her apartment, and being barraged with questions by her grandmother, Phoebe turned towards Central Perk. It was still fairly early, and Phoebe needed to play music.
Music always helped whenever Phoebe felt a negative vibe. The manager to the cafe, Gunther van der Busch, would let her play a few songs every Saturday evening when there was a planned line-up of artists. Mondays had no line-ups, but Phoebe sure Mr. Busch would be flexible.
She pushed the door to Central Perk open. Joey, Monica, and Ross were sitting at or around the orange couch. As she stepped towards her friends, Phoebe waved to one of the waitresses for her usual beverage.
"What a night." Phoebe sighed, plopping down on the couch.
"Hey, how did your date go?" Monica asked.
"Well, he said, 'let's do this again sometimes'," Phoebe took the steaming hot cup of chai tea.
Joey, Monica, and Ross groaned.
"Oh, that's not good."
"Ouch."
"I'm sorry, Pheebs."
"I feel like-," Phoebe groaned in frustration. "I need to sing. I need to get this out of me."
"Hey, Gunther!" Joey snapped his fingers and waved the manager over.
"Yes, Tribbiani?"
"D'you think you can let Phoebe sing a few songs? She's had a rough night and all that."
"Oh, you don't have to." Phoebe hated when her friends did things like this for her.
"Well, I don't see why not. No line-up on Mondays, so go for it. You know where the guitar is."
Phoebe shot Joey a dirty look, but continued to get her guitar from the storage closet.
"All right. Can I have your attention, please?" The late evening patrons turned to her.
"So, I know we're music-free on Mondays. But I had a pretty bad date and I really need to let my words out. Thank you for listening and don't worry, I'll be okay."
There was light applause scattered through the café.
"Oh," Phoebe strummed her guitar once.
"How could you lead me so?
Your hair, your eyes, the glitter.
Caught up in the Vegas night,
You said things that weren't true.
"Oh, how could you lead me so?
No man has come close to you.
Will I ever find him, my Mr. Right?"
Continued chatter from near the door was irritating Phoebe.
"Excuse me, you two. Over there, by the door. Do you have anything you'd like to share?"
The two men looked at her, flabbergasted at having been caught interrupting the show.
"Well, do you?" Phoebe demanded. When she, or anyone, played their music at Central Perk, the patrons were quiet. She didn't recall having ever seen these men here before, and guessed they were from out of town judging by their accents.
"I- I-," The man with shaggy hair and wide-rimmed glasses stammered.
"Wh- wha- wh-, come on! Spit it out." Phoebe was irritated. How dare these men interrupt her?
"Well, I- I was just saying you have a lovely voice. It reminds me of Celine Dion. I think she's an absolute angel. My friend here says Cher has the voice of an angel. I then said you look just like Ms. Dion and that you could be her doppelganger. You know, the voice and the looks. Then- then you started yelling at us." The man finished, quickly sitting down and sipping on his drink.
Phoebe tried her best not to let her blush show and fought back her smile, but it was futile.
"Oh, uh, thanks. Anyways." Phoebe opened her mouth to continue singing, but there was nothing. Her mind kept replaying the words just spoken to her; it was filled with wit and charisma. All right, so this guy didn't exactly have the floofy waves that Duncan had, but he had hit all the sweet notes.
"All right, you know what? That's it for tonight. Thanks for listening."
Phoebe placed her guitar on the seat and hurried towards the man that had complimented her.
"Hi, I'm Phoebe." She extended her hand. The man looked at her, surprised, but took her hand.
"I'm David."
"… and that's how they're hoping to discover the Higgs Boson. It'll give us all the answers we need about the early universe." Phoebe's new boyfriend was explaining to the group a week later. To Joey, it was all gibberish, something to do with banging and the universe. His eyes glossed over as Ross began to engage in the conversation.
Why was beyond Joey, but he stopped questioning everything Ross did a long time ago. Tuning out the conversation that surrounded him, his eyes moved towards the door just as it opened. A woman came in wearing a tight tank-top that accentuated her large bust. She leaned over the counter and whistled for a barista, her bottom pressing against the fabric of her jeans.
"Honey, I don't have all day!" The woman called out.
Her personality is definitely familiar. Wait, is that what's-her-name? Angela, I think.
"Hey," Joey whispered to Monica and Phoebe. "Does that chick at the counter look familiar?"
"Big boobs and big butt. She seems like your type."
"I think that's Angela." Joey told his friends.
"You should go talk to her!"
"You kiddin' me? Not after what she did!" Joey crossed his arms.
"So, what did Angela do, exactly? Weren't you the one that cheated on her?"
"Joey?" The familiar voice cried in its drawling accent. "Oh, my Lord. Well, I never thought I'd see you again, Joey. Not after what you did. Showing your face around here. The nerve of you."
"You never come in, Angela. I'm here all the time." Joey argued.
"So, knock a whore up yet?" Angela continued as if Joey hadn't said anything. "Don't you worry about me, Joey. I got myself a new man. Bob knows what it's like to be in a committed relationship. He doesn't go sticking in junk in anyone but me."
Joey cringed at the unwanted visual, knowing very well that Angela was the first to cheat. He only slept with another woman after he caught his then-girlfriend in the act. His friends didn't know because Joey wanted to keep his dignity. He couldn't stand to be ridiculed by them.
"Bob," Angela continued with no regard for Joey's feelings. "Is very well-endowed."
Angela shot Monica and Phoebe a wink.
"That's nice and everything, but I do have a girlfriend." Joey responded with a smirk.
"You do? Since when?"
Joey moved his eyes on Monica, who shook her head.
"You never told me this!"
"Hmm, are you sure about that, Joey? It seems your friends are just finding out now."
"Yeah, it's a secret relationship." He nodded, hoping he was being convincing.
"Well, who is she?" Ross and Phoebe insisted just as Angela turned to the bar.
"Monica," Joey shot his friend a look, hoping she'd play along with this.
Ross began spluttering and Phoebe looked at him with narrowed eyes. It seemed to Joey that only Phoebe, and Monica, realized that he was making all of this up. Ross was another story.
"Yeah, I'm sorry to do this, Monica. I know you wanted to keep this relationship a secret."
"Monica, huh?" Joey could hear the judgement in Angela's voice. "Well, now that you're out of the closet, you should double with Bob and I. I think it'll be fun for us to be together again."
"Yeah, I don't think that's a good idea." Joey shook his head.
"I think that's a great idea!" Monica cried cheerfully. A little too cheerfully, Joey realized.
The dark look his friend was sending him confirmed it: he should be scared. Very scared.
"Bob and I will be at Trieste's on Saturday night. Be there, or I'll know the truth. Ciao!"
Angela walked out of the café and Joey noticed her butt was moving more than usual.
"You are so dead, Joey Tribbiani!"
"The hell, man? You and Monica?" Ross cried.
"No, we're not anything! I just said that so Angela wouldn't embarrass me. She's an evil witch."
"I think she had every right to be angry, Joey. You cheated on her."
"No, no. She cheated on me first! I didn't want to tell you because you all'd make fun of me."
Ross looked at him for a moment and then deflated with a slow breath.
"Well, did you really have to use my sister's name?"
"I couldn't say Phoebe. She's with David now."
"But my sister?"
"Come on, you guys. I haven't been with anyone since Angela. This is really important to me."
Phoebe and Ross burst out laughing while Monica remained silent.
"Oh, you've been with plenty of people since then."
"That's not the point, I really felt something with Angela! Come on, Monica. Let's just go on this one date, and you can pretend to break up with me. I owe you big time, whatever you need."
"You bet I'm going to break up with you. And you owe me for the rest of your life."
Joey nodded, remaining silent as Monica turned to David.
"So, what were you talking about David? Something about the universe?"
"Actually, I was the one talking. I was talking about how the accreditation disk of the early solar system…," Ross began. Joey's eyes glossed over again. He didn't understand why the guy Phoebe chose date had to be a nerd. He was the perfect match for Ross, both of them nerds.
"Okay, Joey. Let's get this over with." Monica grumbled on Saturday evening. When Joey knocked on the door to Apartment 20, his friend had still been dressed in sweats. He couldn't help but feel a bit bad for her. Joey knew what it was like not to have been in a committed relationship since the last big one. Sure, he wasn't as interested in settling down as Monica was, but he knew it was like to have the lingering scars of heartbreak.
Joey never got to meet Kip and he only knew of him through his cousin. From what Ross and Phoebe told him, Monica cared deeply for Kip until he vanished from their life without any warning. He just up and left without telling his girlfriend where he was going, abandoning the apartment he without any warning. It took Monica a few years to recover.
"Maybe you'll meet someone, Monica."
"Tonight? Who? Bob?" Monica bit back, putting on her jacket. "I can't believe we're doing this."
"Look, I'll treat. All right? This dinner, and all the drinks, are on me."
"You promise?" Monica narrowed her eyes.
Joey decided not to answer. Knowing his friend, she would buy the expensive items on the menu. Aside from the play going live in a few weeks, Joey didn't have any means of income. He'd been living in Manhattan for three years and only ever had low-paying jobs that only lasted a few weeks at most. He couldn't keep taking these jobs, not when his dreams were elsewhere.
His dream was to be an actor, but he had very little luck without having an agent.
"I promise. Come on, I don't want to keep Angela waiting."
"I looked at the menu, and some things stand out to me." Monica began when they'd left the apartment. Joey half-listened as Monica rattled off the items she wanted to consume, from the soup to the salad to the dessert to the beverages. Joey frantically calculated how much he had.
"About time you showed up." Angela drawled twenty minutes later when Joey and Monica were led to the table. "I didn't think you were coming. Oh, wait…" She giggled deviously.
Joey shot her a dirty look. He never realized what a bitch Angela was until now.
"Monica, this is Bob. Bob, this is Monica." Joey noted Angela's boyfriend was very handsome.
"Bob, hi." Monica breathed. "It's nice to meet you."
Joey cleared his throat and wrapped his arm around Monica.
"Don't forget, we're pretending." Joey whispered into her ear.
"Oh, Sweetie, could you get me that drink I was talking about. You know, make that two."
"Right." Joey deflated, walking to the bar. When he saw the drinks were five dollars apiece, he balked before remembering he had to treat his friend. Monica never asked to be a part of this, and Joey hated having to do this to her. If he was wishing, he wishes he never saw Angela again.
"Here you go, babe." Joey approached the table a couple minutes later. He cringed at calling Monica 'babe'. They were friends, just very good platonic friends. Dating Monica would be disgusting. It'd be like him dating someone in his family.
Joey let out a loud belch at this thought and brought a hand to his chest.
Angela looked at him with a raised brow, something Joey hadn't noticed her doing before.
"You were talking about kayaking in the Amazon?" Monica asked after taking a sip of her beverage. "That sounds pretty dangerous!"
"Not if you know what you're doing. We were well-prepared and the local villagers helped us. They say those living in that part of Brazil are hostile, but these people were very friendly. They even taught us a few tricks that made the adventure even easier, and much more fun."
"Oh, you! Don't be so naughty." Angela giggled as Bob shot her a mischievous look.
Joey glared at them.
"Well, Monica and I went on top of the Empire State Building." Joey countered and Monica was the one to look at him with a raised brow, as if to challenge him to come up with something better. But what could even come close to kayaking in the rainforest?
"That's where we had our first date." Monica interjected and Joey looked at her curiously. "We spent a few days in the Grand Canyon hiking. We even found a little spot and we got up to some mischief of our own when nobody was around.
Monica let out a strange giggle, one that Joey never heard before. He wasn't sure he liked it.
"Remember that, honey?"
"Yeah, yeah. Of course." Joey nodded, trying to play the part.
"Wow, Joey, hiking?" Angela let out a humorless laugh. "Never thought I'd live to see the day."
"Oh, goodness. After you guys broke up, Joey hit the gym every day."
Joey fought back his reaction. Him, going to the gym? Every day? That was insane!
"Barely looks like it. Anyways, congratulations, Joey." Angela's voice was far from sincere. "We're hoping to do the Grand Canyon this winter. We'll probably rent a camper for a few weeks."
The conversation dulled once the meal started. Monica seemed to be focused on Bob, but Bob was focused on Angela. Joey couldn't help but notice how one hand always stayed under the table while Angela did everything she could to make her ex-boyfriend uncomfortable. Joey hated this; he hated it more than anything. All he wanted to right now was to be home, reading his Marvel comic books and eating a box of pizza.
"We had a great time tonight. It was great seeing you again, Monica. Joey, take care."
"It was nice meeting you guys." Bob waved before he departed the restaurant with Angela.
"All right, lay it on me." Joey mumbled as he and Monica hailed for a cab.
"Yeah, I'll pass. Seeing you miserable was satisfying enough."
"Oh, come on, Monica. I wasn't that miserable."
"Well, you certainly wouldn't win an Emmy for your acting." Monica replied. "You still owe me."
As a cab pulled up to them, a voice from Joey's distant past rang out.
"Well, well! If it isn't little Joey Tribbiani."
Monica stifled a laugh and Joey's eyes darkened. He knew that voice from days long forgotten.
"Janice." He turned around and greeted the woman he hadn't seen in a decade.
Author's Note: I don't really give a fuck if you don't like the content of this story, or if you think it's dull. Because guess what? That's not really my problem, that's a you problem. Just keep quiet and move the fuck along. There's absolutely no god damn need to get nasty. My mental health is fragile and fandoms have kept me safe for two decades. Where were you in 2004? In diapers? Cosmic dust? Your parents haven't reached puberty yet? I will not let canon elitist ruin this for me. Just move the fuck along.