Part 6: "Resolve"
Bright sunlight flooded her senses as she woke up to the sound of someone banging on the door. "Yuffie? Cloud? Hey, you guys in there?" someone called. Barret's voice. More knocking on the door, followed by someone turning the knob in a futile effort to get it open. "Why's this damn door locked..."
Yuffie groaned as she fought through her mental haze, the events of the previous night gradually seeping in. Her eyes suddenly snapped wide open as she realized that she was still lying in bed curled up next to Cloud.
"Oh, shit..."
She threw off her blanket and leapt out of bed as silently as possible. Barret's pounding against the door continued unabated, and she rushed about the hospital room, quickly gathering her things before he and the others decided to smash it down.
"W-wait! Hang on, I'm comin'!"
More impatient knocking. "You good in there? What's goin' on?"
"Just a second!" Yuffie called as she grabbed her shoes, socks, and pauldron, sweeping them all up in her arms before dashing over to the entrance, nearly tripping over her own feet on the way. She hurriedly composed herself before removing the chair blocking the door.
"Hey guys!" she said, trying to greet her friends as nonchalantly as possible.
"Took ya long enough," Barret grumbled as he pushed past the young ninja. "What's with the barricade? I was gettin' ready to shoot the damn lock off this thing."
"Oh, uh... just taking precautions, ya know?" Yuffie replied, nervously scratching the back of her head, hoping that her voice didn't sound too shaky. "Didn't want anyone getting the jump on us."
It wasn't a lie, exactly, she reasoned with herself. More of a convenient half-truth. She hadn't wanted anyone to come barging in on her and Cloud in case she overslept.
"Rough night?" Nanaki asked as he and the others filtered inside the ward.
"Kinda," Yuffie said. "Thunderstorm kept me up."
"You get any sleep?" Cid asked.
"Yeah... eventually," Yuffie said, glancing over at Cloud for a second, before looking away again, her cheeks flushed.
"He give you any trouble?" Barret asked.
"Him?" Yuffie replied. "Nah, Cloud's been a good boy. See? Got him in bed by nine and everything!"
She placed her hands on her hips, grinning widely, looking quite proud of herself. She almost had everyone convinced, herself included, that she was back to her usual, sunny demeanour.
Almost.
Tifa entered the room, trailing behind the others, still looking pale and haggard, but certainly a lot better than the day before. Unexpectedly, she approached Yuffie, pulling the younger girl into a tight hug. "Thanks for looking out for him."
"Uh... you're welcome?" Yuffie replied. It took her a second to reciprocate the hug. She felt strangely uncomfortable with it, and more than a little guilty about her stolen kiss, even if it was just a harmless peck on the cheek.
"All right. Let's get a move on," Barret said. "Teef, you good?"
"I'll be fine," Tifa reassured him.
As expected, she resumed her post by Cloud's side while the others set off towards the Highwind. They had made her promise to take better care of herself, though somehow Yuffie got the feeling that she'd end up in the same careworn condition again sooner or later. At least they'd made a point to check in on her and Cloud more often, just to be safe.
Yuffie slipped her protective gear back on, reattaching her arm guard and pauldron. She cast one last glance over at Tifa, who was watching intently over her childhood friend, quietly pleading with him to come back to the world of the living. She already appeared to be heading down the same road again, and Yuffie worried that she'd continue to wear herself out the exact same way until his health returned... assuming that it ever would.
Another wave of guilt washed over her as she looked at the two of them. Her rash decisions from the night before were starting to haunt her. What she had done earlier suddenly felt wrong, even though it wasn't much, all told. A kiss on the cheek, some cuddling, nothing more. As far as she knew, Cloud hadn't even been aware of any of it. Somehow, that made her feel worse, like she was just forcing herself upon him without his consent.
"What am I doing?"
She turned away from the pair, feeling like a complete heel for giving in to her temptations. For having feelings for Cloud, one-sided though they seemed to be. Was she simply injecting herself into a situation in which she didn't belong and getting in the way? It was obvious to everyone that Cloud and Tifa shared a special bond, something that she had never experienced before, and she found herself more than a little envious of what they had. Already, it seemed like the rest of the world had faded away, leaving only the two of them. Yuffie turned to leave, regret building up inside of her. All her continued presence here would amount to was to end up ruining this serene moment between them.
No matter. It was time to go.
"See how hard she's trying for you?" she thought, pausing in the doorway, looking over her shoulder at Cloud one last time. "You'd better be fighting like hell in there."
She wandered back into the outskirts of Mideel, trudging through the thicket surrounding the village. The previous night's rain shower had drenched the underbrush and trail alike, and the soles of her sneakers were already caked with mud by the time she was halfway back to the airship. In contrast to yesterday's heat wave, the morning felt drizzly and cold.
The others had already gone on ahead, leaving her to catch up with the rest of the group. Not that she minded. A little alone time was exactly what she needed right now. At least the damp, freezing scenery matched her darkening mood.
"Figures. You confess your feelings to a guy and he can't even hear you 'cause he's in a freaking coma. Way to go, Yuffie... You're such an idiot."
She marched on through the damp, muddy terrain, beating herself up all the way back to the Highwind.
"Face it. You know it's not like he'd ever see you that way. He'd tell you that you're too young. That you're not ready. That it's just a stupid crush..."
Yuffie paused for a moment, briefly looking back in the direction of the village before moving on.
"Once all this is over, he'll probably want to settle down with his childhood sweetheart. It's the only thing that makes sense. Or... who knows? maybe he's still pining for Aerith, hoping he'll be able to meet her again in the afterlife, if there is such a thing. Either way, there's no room for you in that equation. Why torture yourself like this?"
She shook her head as if to physically rid herself of these troublesome thoughts. What the hell had gotten into her? Yuffie Kisaragi was all about kicking ass and hoarding materia, and here she was, acting like some lovesick schoolgirl. She was the world's greatest ninja, the White Rose of Wutai, goddammit. What did she care about who ended up with whom?
Why did it suddenly bother her so much?
She halted again, sighing, before ducking inside a nearby grove, taking a moment to collect her thoughts. The aroma of petrichor suffused the entire forest, and she breathed deep, inhaling the fresh, bracing morning air. Pleasant as it was to the senses, however, it did little to improve her dejected state of mind. She threw her shuriken to the ground, leaving one point buried in the sodden earth, before wandering over to a nearby creek. Feeling grimy, she knelt down at its edge, splashing some cold water on her face. A little refreshed at last, she climbed onto a rock jutting past the waterline and sat down, gazing for a moment at her own reflection in the water's placid surface.
What did Cloud and the others see when they looked at her, she wondered. Just some annoying, bratty kid? A teenager? A young woman?
People often dismissed her as being "just a kid" on account of her bratty behaviour, but the truth was that she had left her childhood behind a long time ago. And yet, she was still too young to be considered an adult. Always trapped somewhere in the middle. Yuffie silently cursed herself for being stuck at such a stupid, awkward age.
"Maybe if I were a little older..." she thought. "No, even so... there's no way it could ever work out."
Even if Cloud somehow, miraculously, felt the same way, she would just end up stealing happiness from someone more deserving. And it wasn't like they shared that kind of special connection... right? If he could be happy with someone else, then she'd accept that, even if it ran counter to what she truly wanted most. And part of her did want Cloud all to herself, but not at the expense of someone else's happy ending. No. She might be greedy at times, but even she wasn't that selfish.
She wondered... was that all that love was? Owning someone? Keeping them all to oneself, away from the rest of the world?
She had never expected anything like this would happen to her. Meeting Cloud and the others, joining them on their quest, falling for him like this. When they'd first met, he'd seemed like little more than an uncaring jerk, concerned with nothing more than revenge, but it wasn't long before she began to notice the cracks in his facade. The subtle acts of kindness, the self-doubt, the profound warmth hidden underneath that cold exterior. He'd quickly become a presence in her life that she never knew she needed, and it wasn't until now, when he was at risk of slipping away from them forever that she realized how much she missed having him by her side. She craved that presence again. Right now, she would give anything to have him back, even if only as a friend.
She curled up, burying her head between her legs for a moment, sighing yet again. The world seemed full of sighs lately, with little levity in between.
What was she supposed to do?
She couldn't bring Cloud back. That wasn't her role to play. But she could fight on. For his sake, and for the sake of their friends.
Maybe that was it.
At times, it all seemed like a lost cause. But it was the only one worth fighting for. If it meant hiding her feelings out of deference for someone else's, then so be it.
She got up again, dislodging her shuriken from the ground, marching towards the Highwind again, a newfound sense of determination growing within her with every step.
"All right. Enough moping. C'mon, Yuffie. Game face on. It's time to go."
"'bout time you showed up," Cid greeted her as she reached the landing site. "You good to go?"
Yuffie tightened her grip on her shuriken, ready to tear down anything and anyone foolish enough to get in her way. "Hell yeah," she said. "Bring it on! Let's show those Shinra twerps who's boss. Those idiots need to learn that Avalanche is not to be trifled with!"
She lapsed into her reflexive habit of shadowboxing the air, letting off a quick one-two combo. "Shih, shih, hah!"
It felt good to lean into that anger, but somehow, it didn't last. That feeling of invincibility that it usually gave her quickly faded, and she worried that it might not be able to sustain her the way it always had before.
Cid stubbed out his cigarette, waving her aboard the airship. If he had taken any note of her unusually somber mood, he made no mention of it. "All right, hop on board. And try not to yark all over the flight deck, will ya?"
She huffed, flipping the pilot off before following him up the cargo ramp. It wasn't long before the Highwind took off, heading back in the direction of Corel, their next destination.
Yuffie watched from the observation deck as the village of Mideel receded into the distance. For once, she was able to enjoy the spectacle of flying, and the feeling of wind rushing through her hair, without being beleaguered by her usual bouts of airsickness. She fished the medicine Cloud had given her during their flight to the northern continent from her pocket, regarding the plain packaging for a second. Ever since that time, she'd held onto it as a kind of keepsake, a small reminder of his earlier thoughtfulness. It was just a few simple tablets, but they'd made a world of difference to her. She snapped up one more capsule, just in case, then put the packet away again.
She leaned over the bannister, her slender fingers idly drumming a disjointed tattoo on the handrail while she let her thoughts wander. The Highwind burned on through the morning sky until the island vanished from sight altogether, leaving only the coruscant skyline.
"This isn't over," she thought. "I'll come back."
For the first time in what felt like an eternity, her doubts about the future gave way to optimism. She would fight on. For Cloud. For Tifa. For Aerith. No matter the outcome.
She would fight.
This was her struggle, too. And she would see it through to the end.