Chapter X
(Jane)
Maura's kitchen is a culinary dreamscape, a sanctuary of fresh, high-quality ingredients that practically beg to be transformed into something extraordinary. As I scan the contents of her meticulously stocked fridge, inspiration strikes. My mother's cherished recipe surfaces in my mind: Penne with homemade tomato pesto, fresh basil, and creamy mozzarella. It's simple yet exquisite, a perfect blend of flavors.
While I slice and stir, my gaze drifts to Maura, who has succumbed to slumber on the couch. Despite the long hours that have etched fatigue into her features, she remains breathtakingly beautiful. I marvel at the serendipity that brought us together, her affection a gift I scarcely believe I deserve. Maura is a rarity, a gem untainted by the world's cynical facades. She shatters stereotypes, embraces diversity, and accepts everyone for who they truly are. With her, I feel a liberating authenticity, as if I no longer need to wear a mask.
Her honesty, generosity, and compassion stand in stark contrast to the trappings of her privileged life. Despite her apparent wealth and her effortless grace in haute couture, she exudes neither elitism nor arrogance. Maura's appreciation for Picasso's strokes and Chopin's melodies is genuine, born from a true admiration for their art, not the expectations of her social stratum.
I've fallen for her—this realization hit me like a tidal wave when irrational jealousy over JayJay moving in with her tore through my heart. Yet, regardless of my feelings, I cannot afford to let them show. Leaving Casey is not an option; the ties that bind us are too strong, too complicated. I must reconcile myself to being Maura's best friend, nothing more.
I can't lose control again, not like those two times before. It only brings pain and worry, and Maura deserves neither. As I finish preparing our meal, I vow to keep my emotions in check, to protect the delicate balance of our relationship. For now, friendship must suffice, a bittersweet consolation in the presence of a woman who unknowingly holds my heart.
(Maura)
"Oh! My! God! That was incredible, Jane! Where did you learn to cook like this?"
Okay, I suspected that Jane, with her Italian roots, wouldn't be completely inept in the kitchen and could cook well. But I didn't expect the result to delight my taste buds so much.
Jane laughs and downplays her cooking skills before telling me that she used to help her mother cook for the family every Sunday and learned most of her current recipes then.
"You should try my mother's lasagna. And her cannoli, my goodness, I'd kill for them!"
We both laugh, and I'm a bit proud of myself for understanding that her statement wasn't meant literally and for not making a fool of myself this time.
"Do you want to talk about it, Maura?"
Her face is serious, and she's not just asking out of politeness. I can feel that she knows from experience how memories of such tough cases can almost consume you in the first hours and days after.
I nod and, despite her strong protests, I help Jane clean the kitchen while I give her a rough account of the scene that greeted me at the crime scene after the art exhibition, and how I had to interrupt the autopsies several times to step outside for some fresh air. She remains silent for the most part, nodding understandingly and occasionally asking a few questions.
"I'll be really glad when we find the perpetrator and I hopefully contributed to putting him behind bars."
"You will, Maura, definitely."
She hugs me, and I allow myself the luxury of sinking into Jane's strong arms for a short time. We stand in my kitchen, arms around each other, neither of us wanting to let go.
"You should get some sleep, Maura."
Jane whispers as she strokes my back.
"Will you stay here tonight? You shouldn't drive anymore; it's late and we've both had too much to drink. You can use one of my guest rooms if you want?"
I'm genuinely worried that Jane might drive under the influence of too much alcohol or be too tired, especially since a glance at the glass recycling bin tells me we've had two bottles of red wine. And, truthfully, I'm not ready for her to leave just yet. I crave closeness and comfort. Tonight, I don't want to be alone. Even if she sleeps in the guest room, she'll still be here.
"You're right. Let's go to bed."
With those words, she breaks the hug, grabs my hand, and leads me confidently to the first floor. Clearly, she's not ready to leave either.
We share my bathroom since the other is primarily used by JayJay now, and the third is downstairs. Jane retreats with shorts and a tank top to change and follows her nighttime routine, while I stand in my walk-in closet in just my underwear, unable to decide on a nightgown.
The blue one with lace or the simple anthracite one? Or maybe just yoga pants and a shirt? I sigh in frustration, throw my head back, and press my palms against my closed eyes. This indecisiveness is so unlike me. What is wrong with me?
Her cool hands on my bare waist and a wet kiss right on the most sensitive part of my neck make me jump slightly.
"You're so incredibly beautiful, Maur'."
I feel the warm breath of her whisper on my neck and sense her moving my hair over my opposite shoulder with one hand. She hesitates for a moment before letting her hands explore my body, gently touching every exposed part with her fingertips. Every bare spot on my neck, shoulders, and upper back becomes the target of her tender, longing kisses until she reaches the clasp of my bra and skillfully unhooks it with one hand, ridding me of this now unnecessary garment.
I should stop her, but I just can't. Why does she make me so weak?
I moan softly as I feel her gently circling my exposed breasts while she slowly kisses her way down my back. She briefly rolls my now hard nipples between her thumb and forefinger before letting her hands slide over my stomach to my hips.
"Jane…"
My voice is hoarse, hungry, almost pleading. I arch my back, bringing myself even closer to her.
"So impatient, Dr. Isles?"
I hear the mischief in her voice and smile too, before grabbing her right hand and guiding it directly to where I need her most right now. Jane touches me through the thin fabric of my underwear but stops after a few seconds to continue caressing my thighs, the backs of my knees, calves, and feet.
"Jane…please…"
My breathing and pulse quicken, and although I'm usually the quiet type, I can no longer control my sounds. I need her.
When she reaches the bottom, she grabs my hips again and swiftly turns me around so that I'm facing her. She leans back a bit on her heels and looks me over thoroughly, which for some reason feels a bit odd. I generally like my body and its feminine curves, but under Jane's intense gaze, I feel unusually shy.
Just as I'm about to lower my gaze to the floor, I hear Jane's soft, deep, and incredibly husky voice.
"You're perfect, Maura."
I look directly into her eyes and see the sincerity, the affection, the admiration. I see the desire in her darkened orbs and feel more desired than ever before.
"Kiss me, Jane."
She stands without breaking eye contact for even a moment and fulfills my request, hungrily, greedily. Our tongues dance a longing tango, fighting for dominance. In one quick motion, she removes my last piece of clothing and gently spreads my legs with her hand before starting to massage my clitoris.
I stumble backward a bit and lean against the wall, my left hand firmly gripping her neck while my right hand finds its way under her shorts, kneading her firm buttocks.
I'm so close to climaxing, but every time I think I'm about to come, Jane slows her rhythm, holding me on edge for quite some time now. My legs are jelly, and I moan her name louder and more frequently than just a few minutes ago.
"Please…Baby…please…let me…"
At that moment, she thrusts into me quickly and hard, and I experience the longest and most intense orgasm I've ever had. My vision blacks out for a moment, and my body no longer obeys me. My legs give out, and I collapse completely spent into Jane's arms.
She kisses me, no longer greedy and demanding as she was a few seconds ago, but tenderly and lovingly. In one smooth motion, she lifts me, one arm under my knees and the other around my back, and carries me to the bed.
I wrap my arms around her neck, pulling her closer as she gently places me on the bed and leans down to kiss me again.
After a short while, our kisses grow more heated, and I wrap my legs around Jane's waist, quickly flipping us so that I'm now straddling her. I pull her up with me so that we're both sitting.
"Can I take off your shirt?"
While I enjoy the sight of Jane in her tank top, I prefer a bit less fabric at the moment.
She hesitates for a moment, seeming to wrestle with herself. I kiss her encouragingly, passionately.
"Please?"
She nods and starts to take off the shirt herself, but I manage to stop her just in time.
"Let me."
I grab the hem of the top and slowly, leisurely lift it up while I slide back a bit to kiss her flat, toned stomach. I only lift the shirt as much as needed for another kiss.
When I reach her full breasts, I pause for a moment to enjoy the sight of her hard, prominent nipples. In one swift motion, I pull the shirt over her head and toss it aside. I suck and lick her right nipple while my right hand massages her left breast.
Her hands are buried deep in my hair, and I can hear her accelerated breathing. At least I know she's enjoying it. Today, I ignore her bruises and scars, knowing that despite the heat of the moment, I must be careful not to overwhelm her and adjust to her pace.
She pulls me down, and now I'm lying on top of her, her legs wrapped around my waist. I gently sink between her legs to apply some pressure while I kiss her slowly and lazily, continuing to alternate between her breasts with my hand.
When I taste the salty note, I open my eyes and see that she's crying.
I immediately stop all my movements and slide down a bit to give her more space.
"Sweetie... what's wrong?" My voice is gentle. I knew what I was getting into.
"Nothing. I'm sorry."
She tries to sit up and leave, but I manage to catch her at the last moment, snuggling up tightly from behind and holding her in a firm embrace.
"Jane... please don't run away again. Talk to me."
(Jane)
I shouldn't have lost control again. I can't even blame Maura for this. Once again, I initiated everything, not Maura. I undressed her, touched her. Maybe it was the wine, but even without it, I probably wouldn't have been able to hold back seeing Maura so utterly desperate, dressed only in her underwear. Why is she so incredibly sexy?
And then, unexpectedly, everything went so well. It was perfect. For a moment, I really thought I could turn off this damned mind-fuck, that I could completely let go in Maura's presence. But it was a delusion, a bitter delusion.
I don't realize I'm crying until Maura wipes away my tears with her thumbs. It nearly breaks my heart that I can't detect any reproach or disappointment in her expression or voice. How did I ever deserve this woman? She could have so many better people than me, a broken person who will never be able to give her what she needs and deserves.
I want to sit up and run away, but she doesn't let me. I sit on the edge of the bed, my head hanging down, while she holds me tightly from behind, whispering comforting words and giving me tender kisses.
"I can't, Maura. I'm so incredibly sorry. But I just can't. Please let me go."
My voice is almost choked by the tears I'm desperately trying to hold back.
"It's okay, Jane. You did nothing wrong. It's okay."
We sit in the same position for several minutes in silence. She gently strokes my stomach and kisses my neck while I gradually calm down and the tears are no longer as close as they were before.
"Come on, let's go to sleep."
I turn and look at her, slightly confused. She's still completely naked, and I'm only wearing the somewhat too tight shorts. Maybe I really should go to the guest room so Maura can sleep peacefully. Perhaps it feels a bit strange for her to sleep next to me after what just happened.
"Is this okay for you... like this?" I look from her to me and back, gesturing to our (half)naked bodies.
She nods and laughs heartily, that honest, bright laugh I could fall in love with every day.
"Sure, let's just sleep like this. Studies show that both direct physical contact and sleeping completely naked are very healthy. So, we'd be double healthy tonight." And that wink, what wouldn't I give to see it every day?
I lie back in bed, slightly surprised when she gets up. She lights the large candle in the clear glass again so I don't have to sleep in the dark. I'm so touched by this selfless gesture that I open my arms invitingly without even thinking when she climbs back into bed. She snuggles up to my side, rests her head on my shoulder, and drapes one leg over mine.
It feels so right that I can hardly believe I wanted to run away before.
A short time later, she sighs contentedly, and I notice her breathing becomes steady and calm. I close my eyes too, and to my own surprise, I fall into a deep sleep within a few minutes, without hours of pondering.