Christian and I always have sex on a Friday night. He's usually insistent several more times through the week and we usually do it throughout the weekend too but Friday is always date night. He picks a ludicrously overpriced restaurant and we go out and have sex when we get back. Given Kate's suggestion of flooring him and keeping things normal, I know this Friday will be no different.
Altura is a gorgeous hot spot in central Seattle, with a Michelin starred chef and a different tasting menu on each visit we have taken. I love the restaurant and I'm glad Christian has at least picked something that I will enjoy. Not that he is in any shape or form aware that I will not be enjoying his company tonight.
I pick a little black dress from Dior with towering Louboutin heels, making sure to go the extra mile to look as sexy as possible. I want Christian to remember what he will be missing. He doesn't change from work, turning up in his suit, complete with tie directly from the office. He leans down in the foyer to kiss my cheek and I feel my stomach turn as it has done so many times since Tuesday.
We're lead to our table by an attractive woman with too much make up and too red lipstick on. Grey still has the decency not to look at other women while we are out, although I would certainly prefer he did what many other men do and did the look not touch policy. I would much rather he was checking out women over dinner than fucking them in our penthouse however often he is.
We are presented with a tasting glass of a Chablis and Christian gives me a small smile as he sips it. "So how was your day?" He asks me. His phone for once isn't on the table beside him and I assume he must have managed to tuck it in his jacket pocket for a while. His relationship with that phone is certainly better than his one with me, I think darkly.
"It was busy," I tell him honestly. I've met three authors today to discuss their work which we are taking to print. I take a sip of my wine and try not to regard him with absolute disdain.
Christian nods as he finishes his glass. "Sounds like mine. I went straight up to Portland today to discuss a firm we want to take over. There all day and they still can't get their fucking numbers right," he says darkly. Ah, always looking down on the little people. My sweet, lovely husband. I pretend to take an interest as he recounts the rest of the story as we get three of the different tasting dishes and he is still ongoing. "So what was happening in your day?" He eventually asks, taking a mouthful of wagyu.
"I met 3 authors we want to get published," I explain to him as I slice my beef.
"Any good? Will they make us money?" He asks. Yeah, having my husband as a boss as well is just one of the extra bonuses in this marriage.
"I hope so or I wouldn't meet them," I bite back at him. It is the first time I break my guise and he is shocked. His eyebrows shoot up.
"I was only asking. No need to snap," he mutters irritably as he downs a glass of red to go with his wagyu. Oh there's plenty of need to snap.
"And I was only telling you," I respond and he seems surprised again, unable to hide the agitation from his face.
"Hmm well, I'll check sales on Monday," he says, in mock casualness, swirling some water in his mouth as I watch him with disgust. I know I have a choice here. Get mad and use it as an excuse not to do what I am dreading, sleep with him. Or back down and avoid raising any kind of suspicion in him something is wrong.
I take a deep breath. "Sales are good, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised," I say calmly. I'm going to play the long game here. The thought of surprising him with a well evidenced divorce is too thrilling and all that is keeping me from giving up right now.
Christian nods as our next course arrives. He doesn't say thank you, just picks up his fresh fork and starts. I know the reality of my decision will be on me within the hour and as we ride up in the elevator to Escala I can feel my stomach churning and it isn't the meal we've just enjoyed. I keep to the other side of the elevator. Christian doesn't care anyway, he is busy checking his phone in case he missed some exciting deal at 9pm on a Friday night.
I roll my eyes to myself as we walk in. I pull my heels off at the door, leaving him to remove his shoes as I go to get a glass of water. Am I actually going to be able to go through with this after what I know he's done? Am I actually going to be able to have sex with him tonight? Pull it together, Ana, you've been civil all week. He suspects nothing. Get it out of the way. It's just another bit of acting. There's nothing more to it.
Christian takes a couple of calls and I head to our room. I slide my dress off and place it in the laundry, taking my hair out and brushing it through.
"There you are," I hear his voice behind me and I can't stop myself from tensing. I feel like someone has come to take me for execution. I turn in what seems like a painfully slow manner. He is lent on the door frame to the dressing room, his shirt undone at the collar, jacket discarded and hands in his pockets.
He's smirking. My mouth is a hard line. I feel like he is a lion, stalking his prey. He's within touching distance of it. "You gonna make me wait?" He says with an easy grin. This is harder than I thought. Act, Ana, act.
"Maybe," I say as seductively as I can manage. His lips quirk up again. He clears the distance between us in two steps and presses his lips to mine. He just tastes of Bordeaux. At least I can't taste him right now. He holds my face gently. Lovingly? Ha, I don't think so.
He pushes his tongue in my mouth, his fingers in my hair. I hold the back of his neck and imagine I am round the other side, holding his throat. I hold his neck way too tight but he doesn't seem bothered as he guides me to our room. I'm back on the bed and he is over me, his mouth fervently exploring as his hand cups my breast before reaching down and undoing my bra.
"You're so sexy," he whispers, knelt between my legs, erection touching me there. And I feel nothing. No arousal. Nothing. He hasn't noticed.
He crawls backwards on the bed and pulls my panties down and puts his tongue there, his saliva creating all the wetness there is. I know I can't hide this forever, and fortunately his tongue, his submissive laced tongue, does its job. My mind may not be but my body is at least physically aroused. He grabs my hips firmly, pushing his tongue in further and I let out a mock groan. This spurs my audience on, he picks up his pace.
It takes what feels like an eternity for me to come in his mouth but he sits up, clearly satisfied with himself. He gives me a salacious grin before standing and unbuttoning his shirt. I try and blur what I am seeing as he unfastens his suit bottoms and eases them down with his Calvins, letting them pool on the floor before clambering back on top of me. He grabs my wrists, holding them with ease in his right hand as he thrusts in.
I know I'm not as wet as usual, it's sorer with his thrusts. I haven't said no to him though, I have consented to this as he continues to thrust, his mouth moving from mine to my throat, to my shoulder. His release finally comes and it's over. It's done and I can relax.
The memories of Friday are still playing in my head as I arrive at Mardell & Co LLP with Kate on Tuesday. I've told Sawyer we are meeting a solicitor for Kate and to wait in the car. He complies and if he is suspicious, gives nothing away. The firm is small but highly regarded in Seattle. I step inside and a young man greets me.
"Hi," he says warmly. "Do you have an appointment?"
"Yes, under Ana Steele," I tell him as he gives me a smile, checking his system. Kate has Joel in the pram and is rocking him gently.
"Thank you, Miss Steele. My dad, I mean Mr Mardell, should be through for you in just a few minutes. Do you want to take a seat?" He asks me politely and I am delighted it is a family firm. I take a seat with Kate while a lady comes through to get us drinks. A young man, I would guess maybe a couple of years younger than me walks in.
Weirdly, I am struck by him right away. He has brown hair and gives the man on reception a broad smile. "Are you nearly ready for lunch?" He asks him as the man responds to him about needing to finish a few bits.
"No way to address his clients," the man jokes towards me and Kate. He's so cute, bright brown eyes and a playful smile. He has a lightness to him I've never seen with Christian. What the hell am I thinking? I've not even asked my husband for a divorce. Well told him he's getting one.
The man on reception gives me an almost apologetic smile. "My teacher friend here has forgotten we don't all get a six week summer holiday for leisurely lunches," he explains as Kate and I both smile at him. The other man gives us a grin and sits in reception. Before anyone can say anything further, Mr Mardell arrives.
"Euan Mardell, you must be Ana Steele," he offers his hand. Euan is in his 50s, a well regarded solicitor, greying now. He stands taller than me, is relatively well built and has a kind demeanour about him. He guides us through to his office.
The office has a beautiful view of Seattle below, behind his opulent wooden desk. It is a very British office, with vintage furnishings throughout. The wall that isn't window is lined with books. He offers Kate and I a chair each.
"Well, Mrs Steele, I must say I am sorry to not be meeting you in happier circumstances," he says taking a seat as we both sit opposite him.
"Please call me Ana," I say firmly as he nods, leaning back in his chair a little. "I'm very sorry to do this," I state pulling some paper from my bag. "But my husband being who he is," I place a non disclosure agreement in front of him.
"Call me Euan," he says taking the paperwork to look at it. "Completely understandable, although I would note that conversations I have with any of my clients remain confidential. We only reveal what is deemed necessary as part of the divorce hearings or court cases," he nods but takes his time to read and sign it.
"Thank you," I say taking the copy.
"So, Ana," he says, he speaks with almost a sympathetic nature to me. "I understand you are looking to file for a divorce from your husband of.. very nearly 5 years, with two young children involved."
"Teddy and Phoebe," I nod. "And there is a third child," I say quietly.
"Mr Grey has a child from a previous relationship?" Euan asks me.
"Er no, I'm four weeks pregnant," I am barely more than a whisper as Euan nods.
"Forgive me for asking, Ana, but this is Mr Grey's child too?" He checks as I nod. "I'm sorry to ask, I just have to be sure. Well it doesn't necessarily complicate things."
"I want sole custody," I blurt out. Euan looks unsurprised but I can see that Kate is shocked beside me.
"Okay," Euan says calmly. "So we have quite a detailed case to prepare against your husband," he says with ease and I can see why he is regarded as one of the best. Nothing phases him.
"Will it be possible?" I ask him, unable to hide the wavering in my voice. Kate squeezes my elbow.
"I don't see why not. I need to obviously understand a few things that are at play. My colleague, Dora Chattall, who I will introduce you to shortly, will work a lot on the custody element, while I will be predominantly involved in assets from the marriage and the dissolution overall," he explains to me.
"I don't want any assets. I just want my children," I say firmly. Kate shakes her head beside me. I know she wants me to take Grey to the cleaners.
Euan doesn't respond to my first point. "Well, we will focus towards building the case around why Mr Grey would be an unsuitable guardian."
"He's a terrible father, that's why," Kate says without preamble.
"And we need to make that clear in our case," Euan nods giving me a tight smile. "Do you believe Mr Grey would challenge a sole custody request?"
"I don't know," I whisper and I feel the tears start to fall. Euan is ready with a box of tissues.
"Ana, I will make it my job to ensure that we get you an outcome you are happy with. You have my word," he says gently as I sob more. He lets me cry. He's so patient. Kate wraps an arm around me as I wipe my tears. This is all very real now. I know I don't have a prenup. I know this solicitor knows too. But I don't care about Grey's money or any asset. I just don't want to live a day without Phoebe, Teddy and my unborn child.
When I'm a little calmer, Euan speaks again. "Do you know what grounds you are looking to file on?"
"What do you advise?" I ask quietly, sniffling still.
"Well there are a few grounds we could look at. Mr Grey will be hoping for irreconcilable differences. No blame is apportioned here. Publicly, he keeps his reputation intact," Euan explains for me as I nod. "There are a couple of others. Unreasonable behaviour would definitely be at play here. This would likely be dealt on the infidelity you mention, and if we can prove it, poor parenting of your children," he continues. I know this isn't true. Grey may be useless at parenting but he doesn't actually let them come to any harm and he does love them both dearly.
"The final one, and I'm sure Mr Grey will do anything to avoid this, given his pristine reputation," he says slowly as I wipe my nose. "Is adultery. What are your thoughts on this?"
"Will it make my custody case stronger?" I ask him quietly, dabbing at my eye to avoid my mascara running down. He sighs as he looks at the files.
"Realistically, I would say no. There's nothing to suggest that either of your children have been exposed to his infidelity or any evidence he has brought any other women around them where they could reasonably come to harm," Euan says looking to me. "You don't have to make a decision today, Ana," he says gently to me.
I nod again. Christian's reputation means a lot to him. I feel it could be used as a bargaining tool for the children. He is well regarded in Seattle, and wider, as a charitable benefactor and fair employer. I don't think adulterer is a trait he wants to add to this. "I'll think on it," I say quietly.
"That is of course fine," Euan writes something down but I cannot read it. "Regarding the adultery. Is this something easily provable?"
"I. Not yet. I overhead him having sex with another woman. He doesn't know I know," I whisper, the tears starting to flow again and he looks sympathetic. Kate places an arm around my shoulder as Euan offers me another tissue. I wipe my eyes on the back of my hand.
"I'm sorry you've had to deal with this," Euan says gently, writing down a few more things. "I understand it won't be easy for you, Ana, but evidence would really help us build a strong case again him."
I swallow, wondering the kind of evidence I need. And then it hits me. If Grey is having submissive relationships, he will have contracts. Contracts that will undoubtedly be stored in our house. I swallow hard and try not to visualise finding that information. Finding proof of what he has done. I look down and notice my fingers are trembling. "I think I can probably find evidence," I whisper. Then I have to tell him, all about my husband's past lifestyle, what he wanted for us and what I suspect he is up to now.
Euan keeps the straightest face I'm sure he can manage, but he's unable to disguise the tinge of green in his cheeks at what I am describing to him. I feel Kate shifting beside me in disgust, trying not to picture who my husband truly is, although she's known for half a decade now.
"And you have proof of that?" Euan asks me when I am finished, when he trusts himself to speak.
"I think I can obtain it. In his study," I say quietly as Euan nods and Kate squeezes my fingers.
"It sounds like you've been on quite a ride with Mr Grey," Euan comments as he finishes his notes. I think he's trying to hide any shock he is experiencing with his usual expertise, although I expect the majority of Seattle's wealthy clients who come to him don't usually have a tale like this to tell. "How soon are you hoping to serve Mr Grey?" He asks me regarding me intently.
"I suppose sooner rather than later. I want to get the kids out of there," I whisper my voice catching. I don't want my children to have to live in an unhappy home. The situation with husband number 3 of my mom's was horrific. I don't want my two cherubs to be around that. Soon to be 3.
Euan seems to understand my urgency. "How easily accessible will a breakdown of Mr Grey's net worth, his assets be to obtain?"
"I don't want anything," I reiterate. I don't want his money. I want enough to take care of his children and beyond that, I don't care. It's his money. I never wanted that.
"I understand, Ana. But we still have to consider it," he says gently as I agree to meet with the accountant to establish exactly what Grey has. I'm not even sure I want to know how much money he holds. I've never needed to use it beyond day to day expenses. Then there's the properties. The planes. The car fleet. I shake my head.
"How soon can we work on the custody case?" I ask hopefully, shaking my husband's, or currently our, obscene wealth from my head.
"I'll go fetch Dora," Euan says as he stands, heading out for a few minutes. I watch my hands. Kate has no idea what to say. I know she wants to tell me to take Grey to the cleaners but I don't care about money or assets. I need enough to buy a small home for me and the kids. A single family dwelling will suffice. I'd like him to cover their school fees, I do want them to have a good education. Then I'm sure I can earn day to day living expenses.
Dora is younger than Euan, maybe in her late 30s with her brown hair up in a bun. She looks serious as she offers me her hand, introducing herself as Dora Chattall. She takes a seat next to Euan. He has clearly given her a quick brief on the case as she runs through her requirements.
"So, I understand it's a sole custody case against one of Seattle's elite?" She asks me with a warm smile. Like Euan, she is unflappable. "Well I think from what I understand, we have good starting blocks. What we need to establish is why sole custody is appropriate. We need to understand the father's involvement in day to day life. We need to understand the relationship with the children, the impact on them. And where we want the father to stand with legal custody so that is decisions like schooling, religion etc."
I nod as she runs me through her list. I enquire whether the children will be asked for preference.
"Unlikely at their age. If we can prove the father is superfluous to day to day parenting, we have a really strong case on this merit," she continues as I feel a fresh batch of tears coming. He certainly is superfluous to day to day parenting but what will be the impact on our children? Do they need him in their lives? Do they want him in their lives? I wipe a tear again.
"Ana, we've given you a lot to think about," Euan says gently, as he brings the meeting to a close. "And please do. We want to help you get what is right for you, Teddy and Phoebe. And I will do anything to get you there. But just make sure you are happy with what we are going to serve him with, because once we serve him, he's going to respond."
I nod as Kate squeezes my shoulder. Christian Grey's response. Who the hell knows what that will be?