Grey doesn't make an appearance at Kate's house for the next two weeks and I am fairly confident his lawyers have strong advised him against it. In fact the next I hear from him is delivered by a lawyer. Kate calls me from her front door. "Ana, can you come down?" She calls up the stairs.
I have been in my room, Kate's guestroom, going over the papers we served Grey seven whole days ago. I rub my arm as I read the papers. Irreconcilable differences underpin the documents. The snap of his arm breaking informed the decision. I knew the second it snapped I wasn't putting him at fault, as he could just as well do the same to me. I take a deep breath, reviewing page 6.
Sole physical custody is being requested by Mrs Grey of Theodore Raymond Grey and Phoebe Grace Grey, as well as Mrs Grey's unborn child. Mrs Grey is requesting sole legal custody of Theodore Raymond Grey and Phoebe Grace Grey, as well as Mrs Grey's unborn child. These are being requested until the 18th birthday of each child. Mrs Grey is requesting financial support from Mr Grey to support the education of Theodore Raymond Grey, Phoebe Grace Grey and Mrs Grey's third child. Financial support is being sought to support with costs associated with the upbringing of three children at a court agreed level based on Mr Grey's net worth, currently estimated at $37.1 billion. Discovery will allow for further evidence to support this figure.
I sigh, setting the document to one side and walking down the stairs to the hallway. Kate is stood at the door with a figure in a smart navy suit, holding a brown Manila envelope. I know what is in it without even opening it. I take the document wordlessly as Kate closes the door. She looks at me sadly. This seems to be the only look she has for me lately and reserves that and her knowing looks with Elliot for when I am around.
I walk to the living room, settling myself on the plush sofa. Joel is laid on his baby mat on the floor, Ava playing nearby under the watchful eye of their nanny. Kate dismisses her, asking for a few moments as I read the document. The first page is a personal letter from Grey which makes me laugh out loud. Within the first sentence, I know for a fact Grey has not written it and I'm frankly amazed he has even signed off on it.
Dear Anastasia,
Thank you for the documents you took the time to prepare for me on September 27, 2016. I would like you to know that I am committed to making the divorce as civil and amicable as possible. We began as friends and I hope that in time we can part as friends as well, if not only for the sake of Theodore, Phoebe and our baby.
I continue to scan the document my heart thudding as I get to the fourth paragraph down.
I strongly contest your petition for sole custody of Theodore, Phoebe and our unborn baby. As a result, my counter petition will detail my request for joint legal and physical custody of our children. It is my belief that all three of our children will benefit from two loving parents, who can offer them a safe and comfortable future between two homes, with all decisions made to be in the best interest of Theodore, Phoebe and our third child.
I would also add that I am disappointed you have failed to respond to my requests to visit my children in the past 14 days. I believe it is in their best interests for the court to help us arrange a parenting schedule which will allow Theodore, Phoebe, and when the time comes, our unborn baby, to spend an equal amount of time between you and myself.
My hand starts shaking as tears splash down my face. I set the letter on top of the rest of the legal documents in my lap.
"Ana?" Kate asks tentatively as I pass the letter to her wordlessly. She reads it carefully, placing it on the coffee table, turning to face me.
"This isn't Grey," she says firmly. "This is a solicitor that has written this. He knows these documents will at some point become public. He is saving face."
"I don't care about him protecting his reputation. He just can't have joint custody. I can't be away from them," I sob, covering my face with my hands. "I haven't asked for his money. I've left my role as an executive of his company. I just want my children."
"I know Ana, and you know Euan and Dora will get it. I promise," she whispers in my ear. "But Ana, you didn't tell me he'd been in touch about the kids," she says gently. She's squeezing my shoulder. Her touch is gentle.
"He.. he's not with me. His lawyer has spoken to Dora. I've declined the requests," I whisper back. I can't look at her. I know I should have told Kate, she's been housing me for two weeks. But I felt ashamed. For no good reason at all. Except you broke his arm…
"And he hasn't gone psycho Grey?" She asks me in surprise. I see confusion change to clarity in milliseconds. "Ah.. of course. Lawyers. They're telling him to behave."
"This is going to effect the case, isn't it?" I murmur, trying to avoid meeting her imploring eyes. My own red and puffy.
"I don't know, we need to speak to the lawyers," she says eventually. I know she is right. I know I will have to engage with Grey at this point. I know I am going to have to spend a day away from Teddy and Phoebe but I know I'm just not ready. My heart constricts again as I look through the papers, detailing his petition for joint custody.
I agree to see Dora and Euan on the following Monday. I felt so much strength when I first walked into the office, yet now I feel full of fear. Fear of losing the only important thing to me in the world. My three children. I've arranged to go alone today. Kate was desperate to join me but I want to do this by myself. I will be alone raising them now. I have to fight for them alone.
I settle in the seat opposite Dora and Euan, feeling somehow like I am being interviewed for a job. They're both warm and friendly but I want to rush to what I need to know about my custody case.
"I just want to catch up on a few things if possible," Euan says lightly. His hair looks a little greyer and I can't deny that I think my case may have brought this on him. The evidence alone has clearly shocked him. I sent the video and the contracts as soon as I returned to Kate's after the fight with Christian. "I wanted to thank you firstly for the evidence. This certainly makes my job a lot easier."
I give him a weak smile. I haven't reviewed the video myself, I can't bring myself to but I am very familiar with all of Sienna's personal details not to mention her sexual preferences. I hope she's enjoying the car he's bought her. I wonder idly if the reason he didn't get her a red A3 was to avoid raising any suspicions. Maybe he allowed her to chose it. Surely not a submissive getting freewill, I think darkly.
"Can I establish if you have had any direct contact with Mr Grey since we petitioned him?" He asks me gently, pushing on with my lack of response. I shake my head.
"The last time I saw him was when I gathered the evidence. It didn't end well," I add quietly. This could possibly be the understatement of the century.
"Did you make him aware of the pending divorce?" He asks me as he makes a couple of notes. The sound of his pen on the pad seems to fill the room, the silence yawning between us.
"No, but I imagine he expected it after how things ended. With the video," I add darkly. Euan looks thoroughly uncomfortable even at the mention of it, although I am certain this will not be his first case with a sex tape as a key piece of evidence. I do wonder though if it is his first case where the woman is trussed up and blindfolded in what can only resemble to the uninitiated a torture dungeon.
"Yes, I can imagine. This meeting was not civil then?' He asks me, recovering his composure at once but I can still see almost a haunted horror in the back of his eyes.
"I need to tell you something," my voice is so low I wonder if they will even be able to hear me. They both look at me, sympathetically. I'm sure this next admission will wipe that look from their faces. Not to mention any notion of making the job easier. "I broke his arm."
Euan doesn't meet my eyes right away and Dora quickly picks up her pen. "How did this come about, Ana?" He asks me in a calm voice, his tone not wavering, looking at me like a concerned father might.
"When I made the video he was, not happy. And he tried to take my phone," I sigh. "I ended up biting him and then breaking his arm." Euan raises his eyebrows and Dora glances up. I expect they thought I was just going to be the spurned yet innocent party. Not invite them to a domestic violence case against a 5'10 180lbs of pure muscle.
"Did he use any physical force or violence on you?" Euan asks me, his pen poised on his pad.
"Not really. He held my hand and wrist quite firmly to try and take the phone but no there wasn't really any force. It didn't mark," I add and I know Euan is using short hand to write word for word my response. "Will this impact the case?" Really all I care about is the children. Whether it impacts any financial support I receive I couldn't care less.
"At this stage I couldn't comment," Euan says matter of factly, less gentle that he has been before.
I let out a small gasp. "When will we know?" I ask nervously. The blood is rushing in my ears. Have I jeopardised my future with my children? Will they take them away? Will they take me away? Could Grey press charges? I mean yes I know he could, but I sincerely doubt he will. Surely he wouldn't want the humiliating of being bested by his spurned spouse? Or the reason of our fight to come to light in Seattles courts?
"There is a process now called discovery. Both parties will gather and submit evidence. We will have access to this before arbitration. We will know then if he has included it in his discovery," Euan explains as my heart thumps. "On the chance he excludes this information I strongly recommend we exclude it from ours."
I brush a tear. I've cried so much. I don't want to start again now. I need to be strong. I need to be for my children. "Yes," I whisper. "What about the children? He wants joint custody."
Dora gives me a careful look. "I have heard quite a few times from Mr Grey's lawyer about visiting his children. I appreciate you don't want to see him. But you are both in a position where I am sure a third party could allow him to visit his children without the need for the two of you to meet. I strongly advise letting him see his children."
My heart drops as I bury my head in my hands. "Do I have to?" My voice comes through my fingers. I can no longer look at them. They're hiding disappointment from their faces well but I can feel it emanating from them. I know I have just made their jobs so much harder.
"No," Dora says slowly. "I would advise you to let him see them however. We need Mr Grey to avoid any mention of a fight in his discovery. Because that could tip into support for him receiving joint or even sole custody," she says as gently as she can manage.
I lose my composure. The tears are slipping out and I am looking up at them again. She looks businesslike, he looks more fatherly than ever. Concerned for me. "But even with his behaviour?" I ask, unable to keep an edge of anger out of my voice. Could Grey get away with it all just because I wouldn't give him the evidence? Because I fought to the bitter end against him?
"Mr Grey's lawyers will not be looking to paint you as an unsuitable parent," Euan says quickly. He knows what is going on in my head. He's seen this before and I know he can see everything. Written in every worry line on my face. Written in my tear filled eyes. My wobbling puffy lip. "His letter and filing is clear he wants joint custody. Not sole custody. Therefore I do not think that including the fight in his discovery will benefit him as you are not looking for his assets."
Dora gives Euan a sideways look but I feel a sense of relief that he stepped in. My stomach knots loosen if only slightly. "Once we have his discovery we will know what case he is building but likewise, he will start to anticipate our case. I suppose with that in mind it would be a good idea to consider what evidence against him you would like to include. And that includes the video," he adds quietly.
"I still want sole custody. I want the video in," I confirm straight away. Euan pauses but nods. I think he wants to recommend I exclude it at this point. He wants to avoid antagonising Grey. He knows now that we have an uphill battle on our hands. Suddenly, it's not just Grey's unreasonable behaviour but mine too. Washington may be a no fault state but right now we could certainly both choose to fault each other.
"Do you have any further questions for us?" He asks me, and he's back to his calm and gentle voice.
"When will we know if we are going for arbitration or a courtroom?"
"Mr Grey's letter indicates he is not looking to take this to court at this stage. It is in his interest to keep this out of court, as this way the discovery is not released and no one can see any evidence either party submits. Unless something happens between now and our meeting, I think we can safely assume we will arbitrate," Euan says to me as I nod again. "We will only go to court if we cannot get a decision in the room that both parties agree on."
"Thank you both for your time," I say shakily as I stand and Euan helps me out. I can see he almost wants to put an arm around me, to hold me up in my weakened state. But he keeps a professional distance, holding the door for me.
"If there is anything I can do Ana, I mean it, please ask," he says gently as he shakes my hand in the reception. I give him a small smile before turning to the room. The man from before is there again. The teacher with the infectious smile. He spots me at the same moment and grins at me. I must look like shit. 3 weeks of worry plus a recent outbreak of tears cannot have improved me.
"Hi," I say with a smile back as Euan disappears. It's a watery smile but there is something about this man that makes me want to smile.
"We meet again," he says sidling over to me. He's taller than I remember, better built. His brown hair is a little longer, flopping to his eyes now. I would guess he is no more than mid twenties, younger than me but not by much. He introduces himself as Errol, a public school teacher in the city. He exchanges pleasantries with me with ease and then his demeanour changes a little, he seems flustered.
"Look, this is super forward, given, you know, you're trending for getting a divorce, but uh, do you want to go for a drink sometime?" He asks me, looking shy. It's endearing.
"That is forward," I laugh. His humour is infectious. "But yes, I'd love to give you my number and we can set something up."
Meeting Errol was perhaps the only highlight of a frankly dismal week. Grace invites me to lunch on Saturday and after blanking her calls for a month, I finally agree to visit her. Kate is confident she is on side and just wants to be a friend. I drive to Bellevue fearfully however, in case she is going to spring Christian on me. Getting out of the car and running into him may just be the final straw this week.
On Friday I finally caved and agreed to let him have the children today though, so I don't think he would lose time with them after begging my lawyers for them for the last fortnight. All the same, there is a discomfort in my stomach for the entire drive over. I keep imaging Christian refusing to give the children back. Kate agreed to drop them off for me and I'm sure that she will ensure she brings them back. But the fear will not dissipate.
I park the car in front of the Greys' palatial family home and Grace hurries straight out. Her shiny brunette hair is in a gorgeous up do and she wears a figure hugging cream dress, her arms bare which she wraps around me in a very tight hug. "Ana, it is simply lovely to see you," she says kissing each cheek. She regards me warmly. "You are positively glowing."
"Estrangement must agree with me," I say darkly, knowing full well she is referencing my two month gone pregnancy. I cannot match her joyous, light demeanour. There is nothing joyous right now to bring that out of me. My children are with him.
Grace's expression clouds at my comment, the warmth fading from her radiant face and she looks more her actual age. "I was so sorry to hear about you and Christian," she says softly. Of course, Grace only knows I left because Christian was angry about the baby, not due to his sleeping with some whore from downtown Seattle. Behind my back. For seven months.
"Yes, it definitely wasn't what I was expecting," I mutter as I follow her in. Her housekeeper is setting us up tea and sandwiches in the sunroom as we walk in and I take a seat. I've been here many times without Christian visiting his family because he was either too busy or didn't want to come but it feels strange being here knowing that there is no more Christian and I.
"So how are you feeling?" Grace asks me as she makes me a cup of tea. I break down as I tell her exactly how I am feeling. The loneliness, the shock, and the fears about the children.
"I know Christian didn't react well," she says gently as I think this is the understatement of the century. Telling me to have an abortion is hardly the reaction any woman wants from her partner. Especially when said partner has been busy doing the dirty already. "But I do know he is committed to his children and raising them with you." I feel my hackles rise. Is Grace trying to Christian's dirty work for him and set me up to share custody with him?
"Well I'm sure the lawyers will decide what is best," I reply, unable to keep the bitterness out of my voice.
"Surely you want Teddy and Phoebe and your little one to have their dad?" Grace asks me as I snort. She looks shocked. I quickly cover it up.
"Sorry. The tea went the wrong way," I mutter and she nods. Her face is a picture of concern. Just like Kate. Just like Euan and Dora. I just seem to be a concern for everyone right now, rather than a living, breathing human with their own mind and thoughts.
"You know he's been desperate to see the children. And I know he wants to be involved with your pregnancy," she says gesturing at my stomach. I glance down at it before looking up at her.
"Well he's seeing the children today. And he has made clear to me he does not want this baby," I can't keep the anger out of my voice.
"I really think he'd like to come to the scan," she says gently, clearly surprised by my reaction. How much does Grace actually know? Does she know he didn't want a third child? I guess not if he's been feeding her bullshit about coming to the scan.
"Well I suggest Christian communicates that via his lawyers. Not through you," I say coldly. My blue eyes meet her brown ones. Hers are full of pleading yet ignorance. Ignorance about the monster she has raised.
"Ana. I'm so sorry. I just don't know what is best," she starts to cry and I'm surprised. Surprised our marriage meant this much. Surprised to see Grace break. "I know this is all up to you. I just don't want him to miss out on all of this. To throw everything away." She brushes a tear, her thin layer of make up smudging a little as she does. Her usual perfect composure, radiant joy slipping.
"I know Grace," I say in a softer voice. This isn't her fault. She only has his stories. "I'm just angry with him."
"So am I Ana. You know that Carrick and I love you very much? We're very disappointed with Christian's behaviour. I just. Since he's been with you, we've had a relationship with him," she says through tears. "And I can already feel it slipping. But it's not your problem. I am sorry," she adds and I squeeze her elbow. She uses her free hand to dab a napkin to her eye.
Of course I feel sorry for her. Sad that she fought to have a relationship with her youngest son for so long. That this is now jeopardised. But Christian chose to behave how he did. She isn't responsible for his behaviour any more than I am. I don't want to lose my relationship with Grace though. As much as she loves me, I love her too.
"It's okay Grace, I know," I take a further sip of my tea as she composes herself. We move away from Christian for a while, talking about the children and Elliot, catching up on Mia before we're back on him.
"Christian… well Christian seems to think that you were around when his arm was broken," she says slowly. "You weren't…"
"Grace, I respect you too much to lie to you. Yes I was involved in your son's arm getting broken," I say quietly. It's easier to just admit this.
Grace's hand flies to her mouth in shock. My heart clenches. I don't want to upset Grace but I know sooner or later this is going to come out, and it will hurt her less if I'm upfront with her. "Did Christian hit you?" She asks me, clearly looking for a reason I did it, even if it means implicating her own son.
"No. No. We got into a fight over my phone. He was trying to take it. I tried to use his strength against him," I say quietly. It's true. I didn't actually mean to break Grey's arm although I'd be lying if I didn't think it was a nice bonus. I won't be telling Grace that I enjoyed it.
"But Ana. I. Did he hurt you?" Grace asks me, clearly unable to comprehend what I've told her.
"Not really. I didn't mean to do it, Grace. It just happened," I want to cry. Christian Grey may be a monster but his family aren't and I have so desperately hurt his mother. I want to tell her he's been cheating. But I don't want to hurt her any further. My reputation may be damaged beyond repair but I don't want to destroy her relationship with her youngest son. For Grace's sake, not Christian's. It's clearly hanging on by a thread as it is.
Grace sets down her final sandwich, clearly in a difficult place. "Has something else happened between you two?" She asks me eventually.
"It's not my place to tell you. If Christian wants you to know, he will tell you," I say gently. "i hope you can understand."
"But he's never hurt you?" She asks me desperately.
"Not physically, no," I say firmly. Of course this is a lie, but a white lie. I'm not going to totally horrify Grace with the intimate details of our sex life too.