John Phoenix was at ho-

SUDDENLY THE SKY TURNED RED!

"What is happening?" cried Uncle Phoenix.

"The world is ending," John Phoenix said grimly.

John Phoenix pulled out his phone and called Fanfiction Dot Net.

"Zack what happened?"

"I got arrested John Phoenix help me!" cried Zack, the admin of Fanfiction.

John Phoenix went to the detention center and Zack was there.

"Why is the world ending?" asked John Phoenix.

"Because GoDaddy, the guys that host my site, stopped hosting my site! They told us there were some stories where children were sexually abused that we weren't doing anything about."

"Wow that's shocking! Maybe you should start checking your emails and you'd catch these," John Phoenix rolled his eyes.

"But then I removed them and they took us down anyway you've gotta prove me innocent John Phoenix!"

"Okay."

John Phoenix went to court.

"Court's in session," said the judge. "Will the plaintiff please state the case?"

"Okay daddy-o!" said GoDaddy. "We are suing Fanfiction for promoting sexual abuse against children!"

"But they deleted the stories," said John Phoenix.

"Too little too late! There were 12 whole stories they were doing nothing about, John Phoenix! TWELVE!"

"I see, that's decidedly too many," said judge. "Fanfiction will have to shut down if this is true."

"Yesiree Mr. Your Honor! Now I call my witness to prove it!" said GoDaddy.

Detective Gumshoe.

"Okay pal GoDaddy gave us a list of 12 stories that break the rules."

"HOLD IT!" said John Phoenix. "How come VoteDonaldJTrump2024's not on the list?"

"Cause Trump's a daddy and we say GO DADDY!" said GoDaddy.

"Yeah but more importantly pal..." said Gumshoe.

Next statement.

"All 12 of these stories are guilty of containing sexual abuse against children."

John Phoenix examined Zack's report on the stories and noticed something.

"OBJECTION!" shouted John Phoenix. "The list contained a link that contained no sexual abuse of any kind! This is why you have to human verify every abuse report," said John Phoenix.

"But we did human verify it!" said Fanfiction. "I call that human to verify it!"

The human was Dylan Fitchar!

WITNESS TESTIMONY

"Nice try John Phoenix but if one of those stories didn't actually have any abuse I would have noticed, what possible motive could I have to lie?"

John Phoenix checked which story it was.

It was a cute, harmless, fluffy story about John Phoenix having a picnic with his pathetic uncle!

"I'll tell you your motive, Dylan! It was to get a story about me deleted!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Dylan Fitchar ran away. But John Phoenix wasn't done making his case.

"Therefore, Your Honor!" John Phoenix announced with a slam of the desk. "There were NOT twelve stories featuring child abuse like GoDaddy claimed. There were only eleven!"

"Ah, very good. That's not ideal but at least the pile up wasn't that bad."

Fanfiction got a mitigated sentence, they were allowed to continue existing as long as they responded to reports from now on.

"Good job saving the site, John Phoenix," said Uncle Phoenix.

"Not yet, Uncle. Now we've got to make things right."

"John Phoenix says to abuse all children to stop them from becoming commies and taking over!" said VoteDonaldJTrump2024.

But then there was gunfire and VoteDonaldJTrump2024 got shot and died!

"Now the site is saved," said John Phoenix, Ace Presidential Assassin.