Don Eppes Never Begs
Summary: Don Eppes has never begged for anything in his life. Whether it be for his life or other things, Don had always opted to let it go. Through the pain and misery, he's always pushed through. It was the most import rule he set for himself after all.
He couldn't afford to break it.
Warning: None
Disclaimer: Still don't own the show, although that would be nice.
A/N: Surprise! I'm still alive (only barely). I'm finally finished with university (WOOOO). So, now my schedule is clearing up which means that I can finally get back to a semi-consistent upload. Although, because I'm a little rusty with my skills, I might not do it as frequently as I used to. You know, trying to ease back into the groove and all. But you can expect maybe one or two uploads soon since I'm working on another fic. At least until I'm familiar with everything and can go back into the groove. So don't worry, nothing is abandoned just yet.
Anyways, that's all from me, have a nice day!
Don Eppes has never begged for anything in his life.
It might sound strange, but it was true. No matter what happens in life, he's never begged or pleaded for change, even when he knew it would help change the outcome. It was one of the many rules that he imposed on himself along with "protect everyone" and "never show everyone that you're weak." It was one of the reasons why people saw him as an egotistical asshole. His calm and cool responses along with his unimpressed expression has sent many people, both platonic and not, to start labeling him as someone who thought he was too good for everyone.
It was too bad that they were very far from the truth.
It started, funnily enough, as a way to protect himself from the pain of being last in everyone's mind. Ever since he was little, he had always remembered how his parents would dote on Charlie the most, their attention captured by the little genius. He also remembered how he used to beg, to ask his family for some of that attention as well. And while they indulged his whims as well, he could see that he didn't manage to get all of their attention. Not like how Charlie had.
From there, it just went on.
He watched as his parents crowded around his younger brother, their faces full of adoration as they agreed to whatever Charlie wanted. He saw as they started to overlook Don a bit more, their focus shifting to Charlie even though they were supposed to be playing with him. And he saw as they both ran over to Charlie whenever he cried, no matter if they were in the middle of doing something. And even though he was still young, Don came to a realization.
Charlie would always be first.
Looking back, Don realized that it felt far too natural for him to pull himself out of the equation.
He slowly fussed less, letting his parents work or take care of Charlie while he played alone. He stood back as Charlie cried, letting his parents comfort him during a storm even though Don wanted to run into their arms as well. He stopped complaining that Charlie was hogging all of the attention and started to do things on his own so that nobody had to be torn between choosing. And, most importantly of all…
He stopped pleading for his parents to pay attention to him.
To be honest, it did hurt a little as his parents smiled gratefully at him whenever he stepped back. A small, selfish part of him was begging for them to stay. But, he clamped down on that and instead helped as best he can, offering no word of complaint as his parents went about their day.
It wasn't long before Charlie made his genius known to the world and left Don's entire being in the dust.
Despite their parent's efforts to make both feel like they're equals, Don knew that he was the less impressive brother. He could tell by the constant praises that showered Charlie and the looks of pride on people's faces as they exceeded their expectations once again. Nothing he did ever managed to elicit the same reactions from people as Charlie did.
He guessed this was when he realized how insignificant he was compared to his little brother.
As much as it hurts, being pushed aside day by day, he couldn't find it in him to be completely angry. Not when he understood why this was happening. They were just reacting like normal people would at the sight of something brilliant. And that was exactly what Charlie was. Completely brilliant. So brilliant in fact that he outshone everyone around him, barely leaving any room for space.
Charlie always had everything, even when his brother didn't see it. He had the intelligence, the charm, the kindness, the empathy, he had it all. Don on the other hand, he only had one thing to his name.
His dignity.
It was stupid, clinging to his pride like a lifeline. But, it was the only thing that Don had left, the one thing that he knew no one would be able to take away from him. Charlie could copy his manners, overshine his intelligence, and barge into every aspect of his life, but he could never take away Don's dignity. The one aspect of himself that no one, not even his own family could take. Not unless he decides to throw it away himself.
In hindsight, it was an easy choice. He only needed to calculate how much it would hurt when he inevitably fell from trying to reach Charlie and his mind was set.
It was either gambling on the possibility of things going his way or giving up the last part of himself that he owned.
It was never even a contest.
From then on, Don stopped begging altogether.
It hurts sometimes, the fallout from this little rule of his. There were a lot of things in his life that could've gone his way if he just laid his dumb pride down and begged. But, no matter how he desperately wanted, he could never take that step.
It was unfair at times, especially when it came to dating. It seemed that, even though he'll never give this aspect of his away, people still wanted it. He's seen his relationships go sour when they realized that Don would never lay down his pride. That Don would easily let them go if they wanted to. That Don wouldn't beg for them to stay. They probably thought that since he was stubborn, he would be fighting tooth and nail for them to stay together. They didn't think that the opposite was the case.
Hell, it was one of the reasons why Kim left him.
His family might've known about the engagement and the breakup, but they'll never find out about the truth. About how, if Don had fought a little harder, they would be attending his wedding. She might've never said it but Don knew that deep within his gut, Kim would've stayed if he just asked her to please reconsider. It was her way of testing the waters, seeing how much their relationship meant to Don. Seeing if their bond meant as much as the pride that Don always held so close to his chest, not realizing why it mattered so much to him.
As much as he loved her with all of his heart, he couldn't bring himself to give her that piece of him. Handing over his heart to her is one thing, handing over the last part that made him him was another thing entirely. In the end, the choice was an obvious one to make.
He couldn't even muster up regret over his choices as he watched her pack her bags.
As much as it hurts, it was a scene that he was painfully familiar with. Another fallout of his stupid rule.
Over and over again, Don was punished with the repercussions of his actions. But, no matter what, he never budged. Not even when he knew that begging would make everything easier. He didn't beg for his lovers to rethink their actions. He never begged for his life, even when he was beaten just an inch from it. He didn't even beg for Charlie to stay when their mother had cancer, opting to deal with everything on his own.
No matter how hard life became, Don never once gave up this part of him.
He held onto that rule so tightly that it became common knowledge within the FBI spaces, serving as a general anecdote. Charlie Eppes was a mathematical genius. Megan Reeves could throw you onto the nearest coffee machine. David Sinclair is surprisingly nerdy. Colby Granger is an angry son of a bitch. And lastly…
Don Eppes doesn't beg.
Although he knew their reasoning was completely off base (refusing to beg because he was egotistical? He wished that were true), he felt relieved when people finally backed off. He couldn't even be annoyed at their assumption. He understood the image he projected and knew he had only himself to blame for being so cocky that people thought his ego could house a new universe. Plus, could he really be mad if they finally realized? It was one of things about him that people got right.
Don Eppes never begs.
Unless…
He felt bile rise in his throat, realizing what it was that the man wanted. How could he not? After years of desperately following this rule, he was asked to abandon it, just like that. He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. He wanted to slam this smug asshole's face into his knee and watch as he crumpled to the floor. But, with the handcuffs on his hands and the gun to his face, the only thing he could do was snarl.
"Really Agent Eppes, stop being so difficult" the man chided, grinning from ear to ear. "You" he started, tapping Don on the head "will say what I want to hear and I will release your little rag tag group" he said, looking over at the rest of the team who were tied up.
"How would I know that you'll keep your word?"
The man's grin grew wider, if it was even possible, at his question. "You don't." Don growled even more, violently tugging at the handcuffs that were on his wrists. But, no matter how much he tried, he couldn't find a way out of this. Not unless he gives the man what he wants.
The man clicked his tongue in disappointment at Don's silence. "I'm disappointed, Agent Eppes. Considering the praise I've heard of you, I expected you to throw yourself at me. Yet, here you are, refusing to do even the simplest of things to save your team. Do they even mean anything to you?"
Don couldn't help but stiffen at the accusation. "Go to hell."
"Only if you'll take me there."
He wanted to punch the lights out of this man so bad, it was almost painful. Well, not as painful as the option he was given. The man was completely right, as much as he hated to say it. If he had asked for anything else, Don would've readily given it to him. He always valued his family, his team, more than his own life. He's laid down his life for these people. In the face of that, giving away anything else pales in comparison. But…he had to ask for that. The one thing that Don couldn't give up. Not unless he risked losing the last part of himself that he could call his own.
Without his pride, Don Eppes has nothing.
"While I would love to watch those little hamster wheels of yours turning even further, I'm afraid I need to kick things up a notch."
"What?! What the hell do you mean?!" Don demanded, growling as he violently stepped forward, the man's goons being the only thing that kept him from outright tackling the man.
"It's clear that you need a little incentive" the man replied as he slowly walked over to where his team was, sounding far too gleeful than he has any right to be.
"Fuck- stay away from them!" he shouted, struggling against the people that were holding him in place. Fear laced his veins when he saw the man standing behind them, his gun still in hand. The chairs that they sat on scraped the floors as they struggled to break free. But, just like Don, the restraints were too tight.
"Remember Agent Eppes" the man cooed, "all I need is one word and I'll guarantee that they'll all be okay."
Don could feel his chest tighten as his eyes started to burn, causing him to look down. He's already too vulnerable, he didn't need to add them seeing him cry into the mix. "You…you're a bastard…"
"Not what I wanted to hear, but I appreciate the compliment nonetheless" he smiled, looking supremely smug. "Come on Agent Eppes, it's not really that difficult. In fact, since I'm such a nice person, I'll even count to three for you." Then, without warning, the man cocked his gun as he started to say "eenie…meenie…"
"What the hell are you doing?"
"Choosing who to kill first" he said casually, amusement clear on his face. Don could hear his heart stop the instant it landed on Charlie, his voice turning sinister. "Mo."
"NO!" He thrashed harder, cursing and growling with all his might. But, in the end, he knew it was useless. The man was too close to his brother. One twitch and it was all over. "STEP AWAY FROM HIM!"
"Remember Agent Eppes, one word" the man reminded him, putting a hand on his brother's shoulder. Don's heart thundered loudly as everyone else was cursing behind their gags, snarling at the man who held them hostage. Don bent over as his chest seized, knocking the air out of him, his vision blurring.
"Stop…"
"Give me the word, Agent Eppes."
"I- I can't…"
"Well then, looks like you'll have to explain to your father how you failed your brother."
"Don't-"
"I'll give you one last chance to say what I want to hear at the count of three" the man said before pressing the gun to Charlie's head. "One…"
Don could feel the panic settling within him, threatening to take hold. He didn't want to do this.
"Two…"
God…please don't make him do this.
The man raised his eyebrow, seemingly surprised at Don's silence. "Looks like you're more selfish than I thought" he mused. The man then cocked his gun, causing everyone to shut their eyes out. Whether it was fear or resignation, it didn't matter. The only thing that did was the pleading, fearful look that Charlie sent his way, begging for his older brother to save him.
Don couldn't help but hang his head in defeat, the foundations of his resolve cracking with each passing second. In the end, he never did have a choice, didn't he?
"Th-"
"Stop," he ordered, clenching his jaw. He could feel the pain within his chest. Logically, he knew it was from panicking earlier. But another part of him couldn't help but think that this is what it felt like to have the last piece of his soul ripped out of him.
"Yes?"
"I-" he wanted to be selfish. Just for once, he wanted to do something for himself. But, that wasn't what he was made to be. He was made to give, never to keep.
"Speak up, I can't hear you."
"Do whatever you want to me" he said, his shoulders slumping. Despite that, he kept all of his emotions from his face. He was already ripping his own psyche into shreds. He didn't need to give the asshole the satisfaction of what this was doing to him. He could at least give himself that. "Kill me, torture me, fuck if I care…" he trailed off, his throat constricting as tried to find the strength to say the next few words.
"Just…" compared to all the choices he's had to make in the past, this one was both the easiest and the hardest one to make.
Looking up, he glared for one last time before sighing, falling to his knees. He ignored the pain that shot through his legs as he dropped down like a lifeless puppet. Because in the end, that was all he was, wasn't it? That is what he's been reduced to.
He could feel the tears fall, but he didn't care. None of it mattered anymore. At least, he had the solace of knowing that while he couldn't guarantee that he'd see tomorrow, he could at least guarantee that they'd see theirs.
He grit his teeth as he forced the next few words out of his mouth, ignoring the sharp pain like someone had ripped his chest open and yanked his heart out.
"Please…don't hurt them…"
He has nothing left to lose.