"Did you drop this?" she looked amused, despite not smiling. She found it entertaining whenever he misplaced something, most likely due to how cautious he was otherwise.
"I... yes. Thank you. Where did you find it?"
She gestured past the door of the library into the hallway. He must've dropped it on his way in. He gave a short nod as she walked out, gripping his chair and shakily exhaling as soon as he knew she was gone. How terrible of him... getting that worked up over such a simple exchange... he wasn't sure how much longer he could take it.
He slowly moved his hands from his chair back to the book open in front of him, attempting to focus on studying his magic once more. It was so very unfair, but Hubert's life had always been unfair. No point getting caught up over this one thing. The ironic part of it all had been that he had gone to Edelgard to ask for permission to wed Byleth when he found out.
He had to accept it was simply how fortune had casted its cards. Lady Edelgard would lead the Empire, Byleth would most likely be at her side, and Hubert... would do all the work in the shadows, unnoticed. He didn't mind. It was his job. His place. He was to be alone, serving her Majesty until he died, and never uttering a word of complaint. He was allowed to occassionally long for a different fate, but it never reached any of his words or actions. He had practiced being completely unreadable since he was a child.
Perhaps that was why Byleth hadn't caught on to his feelings, yet.
He shut the book, sighing softly as he placed it back on the shelf. It was no good. He couldn't focus. Why did he have to face his hardest battle AFTER the war? A small voice in the back of his head tried to give him some false sense of hope. "Lady Edelgard hasn't confessed, yet." it said, "Perhaps Byleth won't accept it!"
No, she would. If she didn't right away, she would eventually. Edelgard got what she wanted and Hubert's job was to give her what she wanted.
Actually, by that logic, he should be persuading Byleth to be with her, but that was more pain than Hubert could bear. For now, not saying anything was as much as he could do.
He slunked through the hallways, rubbing his arms slightly. He couldn't bear how hot it had been getting recently. He might have been fine with it, had he time to prepare, but it felt like just yesterday the days were nice and breezy. Now he was contemplating wearing less layers than he usually did.
He shook his head. Less layers meant less places to conceal daggers. Less daggers meant less protection. Less protection meant sudden death, as far as he was concerned. Besides, his skin would burn easily if he exposed more of it.
"Hey, Hubert! What'cha up to?" Hubert turned to see Caspar running up to him, that idiotic grin plastered on his face.
Hubert faked a small grin. "Evening, Caspar. I assumed you'd be at the training grounds, trying to squeeze in the last hour of daylight."
"I wish." Caspar groaned. "Edelgard said I should still keep from straining myself too hard. Injuries."
"I didn't think that would stop you."
"It didn't. Y'know, at first. Now she's got guards keeping me from overworking myself." he groaned, "It's been, like, a month! The stitches have healed just fine! It's like it never happened!"
Hubert nodded slowly. Caspar had gotten badly injured in the battle against Rhea... or rather... "The Immaculate One". They had found him in the aftermath, bloodied and beaten. He had rushed towards the front lines, like he usually did, only this time he didn't come out the victor. His legs had been hacked into badly, enough to keep him from walking the first few weeks, but he had taken the most hits to his torso. His armor had come undone after he had fallen over from the leg injuries, and the opposing soldiers had torn into him.
He didn't tell anyone, but Hubert had been secretly surprised that he was alive at all. Still, the cost for living seemed to be the inability to ever fight again. They had told him it would only be while he recovered, but everyone knew deep down that Caspar would never see another battlefield.
Considering how devastating that would be to him, though, nobody told him the truth.
"Anyway, let's talk about something else." He grinned at Hubert, "Like... what'cha up to?"
Hubert gave a small shrug, not in the mood to entertain his eccentric ways. "I've been reading up on spells I'm still incapable of performing. Now I'm headed off to bed."
"Already? We haven't even eaten yet! Aren't ya hungry?"
"I'll be fine." he couldn't even imagine eating with the state his stomach was in. That simple touch from Byleth had already made him feel sick. No, not sick... it was more violent than a simple bout of nausea... it felt like his stomach was clawing itself inside out.
"Do you want me to bring you anything? Or get someone to bring you something? I could get the professor to-"
"No, that won't be nessecary." Hubert tacked on as quickly as he could, "Thank you."
He reached his room at the end of the hall and nodded at Caspar, who opened his mouth to speak as Hubert quickly shut the door. He hoped he didn't truly make the professor bring him any food. He didn't think he could handle it tonight.
As he undid his cape, he thought about how funny it was that this was what bothered him most. He had given up friends, dreams, and yes, even other love interests... but something about this hurt him the most. He figured that time healed all wounds. That was the funny thing about it. It had reduced all his former heartache and sorrow to sacrifices that had to be made for the sake of Lady Edelgard.
He rarely ever thought about all he had lost, nowadays. He figured his life was much less depressing when he chose not to dwell on the past.
He slipped his gloves off, looking up at the mirror above his dresser. Did he really look that unkempt? He shuddered as he put his gloves in his drawer. Surely, it was all in his imagination. Still, something about his hair looked messy. His eyes seemed sunken and distant. Even his normally pale face seemed a little whiter and sicker. Was this really bothering him to the point of messing with how well he took care of himself?
Of course it had. He was in here because thinking about her made him too sick to eat.
It wasn't her fault, it was his. So why did he still blame her in his heart somewhere? She had not only helped them conquer Fodlan, she had made Lady Edelgard happy. Wasn't that all that mattered?
Hubert crawled into bed, wearied by the emotional turmoil. Tomorrow, the feelings would be less strong. The sleep would help. It didn't help the night before, or last week, or any night since she had shown up. Tonight, though...
Tonight, sleep would get rid of all the feelings.