Sleep did not help that night. Or the next night. In fact, sleep only added to the torment, haunting his dreams with a fake reality of the two being together. He sat by himself in the dining hall, absentmindedly chewing on his bread. He couldn't even bring himself to eat a whole meal. It was as though the moment he learned he couldn't have her had passed; his whole body threw itself into a much stronger, violent desire. One that kept him from eating, sleeping... what was next, breathing?

He finished his snack, staring blankly at the table as he ran through the tasks he had left in the day. He dearly hoped today would be easy, he was too exhausted for anything else...

"Um... uh... Hubert?" Bernadetta's tiny voice squeaked from behind him.

Hubert looked up at her. "Yes, what is it?"

"T-the professor wanted to give you this!" She yelped and gave him a letter, running off the moment it was out of her hands. He glanced down at it, confused, before slowly reading its contents. It was a very short letter, simply inviting him over for tea. He folded it and put it in his pocket as he cleaned off the table, wondering why she had used such a formal way of communication for something she had asked him in person several times before.

Well, he wouldn't turn it down. He could use some tea and...

...her company...

He could use some tea. Not because he liked tea, but because he figured it might be nice to drink something again. He'd barely let anything but water pass his lips the last week or so.

A yawn escaped him as he left the dining hall, heading towards the professor's room. He tried to get his feelings underway as he knocked on her door, glancing behind him as though he were being followed. Now wasn't the time to let obsessive thoughts cloud his judgement.

He had barely spoken to her in the last two days, anyway. Seeing her again would be a good way of reminding him she was human.

The thought disappeared as soon as she opened the door. Human? Hardly! She was like a goddess. Her small smile upon seeing him cut through him almost viciously. He let out a slow, calm, "You wanted to see me?", nervous that if he spoke too long, he'd spill all the thoughts within his head.

She gave a small nod and gestured to the tea table in her room. "Would you like to sit with me?" she asked.

Hubert gave his best solemn smile, trying as hard as he could to keep his emotions under wraps. "Certainly. I have time to spare."

He walked into her room, admiring how clean she kept it as he sat across from her.

"I'm sorry about the strange invitation." her smooth, relaxing voice snapped him out of his thoughts, "I'm glad Bernie ended up giving it to you, though."

"I'm just intrigued in why you decided to write rather than ask me in person." Hubert urged his gaze to remain steady, even as his hands shook under the table. When did the feelings grow this intense?

She chuckled and brushed her hair out of her face. "I'm a little worried you'll be upset with me if I tell you."

"At you? Never." he realized how sentimental that sounded, and quickly added, "The Empire owes you everything for their victory, after all."

A quick sigh escaped her as she sat back. Hubert felt a part of him melt as he looked at her. She was so beautiful... but it didn't matter, now, he told himself. Edelgard wants her, so that's that.

"It's just... I feel like Edelgard can be a little... clingy." she sipped her tea as she tried to study his expression. He just blinked slowly.

"Towards you or towards me?"

"Um... both, sometimes?" she gave a sheepish grin, "Especially over the course of the last few days."

He tapped his fingers against his leg as she continued, "Sorry, I know that probably sounds mean, just... haven't you felt at all like she's been different?"

Different? She had been tearing herself up preparing to propose to Byleth. It almost made Hubert sick.

It did make Hubert sick.

"I have." he nodded, glancing over at the window.

Byleth simply shrugged as she took another sip of her tea. "I thought you might want some privacy, in case she tried to come along if I asked you personally. If I'm wrong, I won't do it again, just..."

"Why do you care, if I may ask?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why do you care about me having privacy?" Hubert looked at her, folding his hands over each other. "Surely how Lady Edelgard treats me shouldn't concern you."

"Well... we're friends. I care about how people treat my friends."

Hubert gave a dry chuckle, taking a sip of his te... coffee? Had she gotten coffee just for him? His face started to burn as he cleared his throat. "So, now that the war is over, do you have any... prior engagements, for lack of a better word?"

"Not really." She sighed, "I mean... I didn't have any big plans before... everything. The war and... before that..."

She gave a little groan as she leaned her head on her hands, "Now with my dad... passed and... things different from how they were five years ago, it... I don't really know what to do."

Hubert felt a twinge of sympathy as she glanced at the floor, lost in thought. "Well, I'm not... very good with emotional matters, but... I hope if something weighs heavy on your mind, you..." he died off, nervous he sounded weak.

"Oh, no. It's fine. Right now, my main concern is finding a good husband, I think. I don't really have many big ambitious plans. I used up all my ambition on the war... all I really want now is someone I can rely on. Someone I can have a peaceful rest of my days with. Does that sound... stupid?"

"Not at all," He laughed, trying not to focus too much on the word "husband". That would be wonderful... except it wouldn't, because then he'd fail in making Edelgard happy... "I think that's a perfectly reasonable wish."

She giggled as she fiddled with her teacup. "What about you? What are you going to do now that the war's over?"

His face fell as he remembered what his answer was. His "lines". For just a blissful moment, he'd honestly believed he and the professor might have a future together. That they were two equals, discussing their hopes and dreams.

Now, his reality set back in as he squared his shoulders. "Whatever Lady Edelgard wishes. I'm prepared to do whatever has to be done to ensure her future as emperor." It sounded rehearsed. It was rehearsed. It was also the truth.

"Have you ever considered... doing something for yourself?" She sounded disappointed. Was she? "Edelgard's emperor now. Surely you can breathe a little. She has bodyguards and whatnot to take your place, right?"

"No bodyguard could replace me. I've kept her safe since childhood. I know her strengths and weaknesses. Her routines and..." He caught himself just as his voice was about to waver. Why did this sound so unappealing to him all of a sudden? He was perfectly used to the idea of this being his life just a few months ago.

Byleth leaned in. Her breath smelled wonderful. "Well, if you ever change your mind, I..." she paused, rethinking whatever she was about to say. "I'm always here."

He wanted so desperately to lean over and hold her...

"Thank you. That won't be necessary." he smiled, sipping his coffee again. He could feel himself preparing to prompt the question, despite knowing how foolish it was. "Now, you were talking about finding a suitable husband... or wife..." he felt a dash of bitter happiness as she shook her head.

"Husband. I'm... not really interested in women. Despite whatever Dorothea tries to tell you." she laughed. Hubert laughed, too. A real one. A sickly delighted one.

"Is there anyone you're interested in, particularly? Don't say Ferdinand." he added quickly, half as a joke, and half out of genuine fear.

She snorted. "That's 'Ferdinand von Aeir' to you, knave. Of course I'm not into Ferdinand. I... don't have any potential husbands right now, actually."

He nodded, giving a thin smile as he took one of the cookies off the plate. "Ah. Well, I wish you luck in finding one, then." He bit down, letting the sugary taste overwhelm his tongue. Normally he didn't indulge in sweets, or enjoy the taste, but this felt like a moment worth celebrating and he didn't have much else on hand.

"Well, I suppose I should take my leave. Lady Edelgard is probably waiting for me." he gave a polite half-bow as he stood up, pushing his chair back in its former place. "Thank you for the tea."

Byleth looked up at him, giving another heart-melting smile. "The pleasure was all mine. Thank you for coming. Oh, here, I wanted to give you this." she walked over to her writing desk, bringing a bag filled with coffee beans back over. "It's what we had to drink just now. I'm not really much of a coffee person."

So, she had gotten it just for him. He could feel his face burning again. It got worse as she placed the bag in his hands. Her thumb briefly brushed against his hand as she placed it there and it made the fire in his face spread to the rest of him. He had to get out of there.

"Thank you. That's... very kind of you." he gave another forced smile as he left her room, running off the moment she shut the door. What was happening? Why did that little touch agonize him like this?

He quickly turned the corner to go up to his room, nearly running into Edelgard, who was just coming down the stairs. She winced back slightly as he caught himself.

"Are you alright, Hubert? I've never seen you that hurried over anything..." she died off, looking at the bag in his hands. Hubert cleared his throat and straightened himself up.

"A-apologies, Lady Edelgard. Everything is perfectly fine. I was just... impatient to get back to my room, is all." he forced a small smile as he spoke.

"I'm glad everything's alright." she nodded, glancing back at the bag. "What's that?"

"Oh, a small gift from the professor. Some coffee beans." he held up the bag. He could hear his voice on the verge of wavering and tried desperately to keep it from doing so. If he wavered, it would seem suspicious. Edelgard never let anything suspicious slip past her. He didn't want her to find out about his feelings. He just wanted to let them rot inside him forever.

A sudden pang of guilt struck his system. Had he really celebrated the idea of her having her heart broken? That wasn't his place. He had gotten carried away in the moment, with the professor sitting in front of him. Now, he was remembering why he didn't have a chance with her.

It wasn't meant to be.

"That was sweet of her." Edelgard replied, a small smile on her face. Hubert noted that it didn't reach her eyes. Surely, she wasn't jealous? Of him? The professor had to have given her some form of a gift before.

Wait, had she?

Edelgard squared her shoulders as she gestured up the stairs. "There's something I need to talk to you about, Hubert. If you'll come with me." she walked back up, Hubert slowly following her. It had been a long time since Edelgard had requested a private meeting with him. He couldn't help but feel almost nervous somewhere deep down.

Don't, he scolded himself, there's nothing to be nervous about.

He second-guessed that notion the moment they entered Edelgard's room. She slowly shut the door and turned to him with an almost hollow look in her eyes. He had seen that look before, but it had never been directed towards him.

"I want to talk about the professor, Hubert."

Hubert found himself shifting in his seat uncomfortably. This whole situation suddenly felt very strange, like a bad dream he wanted to wake up from. Even the way Edelgard looked made him feel like he was talking not to his emperor, but to an enemy of some sort. She was still wearing her royal red dress, but her hair was down, pooling around her shoulders in a way that framed her pale face, which seemed almost ghost-like as she spoke.

"Of course, Lady Edelgard." He tried to smile as best he could. "You have the proposal planned; I assume?"

"Not about that." She folded her hands together as she walked over to the window.

Hubert felt sick again. She couldn't have found out. She couldn't.

But she could. She always finds you out...

"Well, what about her are you referring to?" his eyes followed her as she spoke. She was pacing. She never paced.

She finally stopped and looked at him. "You have feelings for her too, don't you, Hubert?"

At first, Hubert thought maybe he hadn't heard the question right. It felt too awful to be real. Once he realized she was waiting for an answer, all he could think to do was fake confusion. "Feelings?"

Her gaze snapped towards him. "You love her." her voice was shaking, "That's fine, though. Who wouldn't love her?"

"Lady Edelgard, I assure you; I wouldn't do such a thing to you."

"Don't say that like you have any control over it." she shook her head. When she was met with silence, she put her hands on the desk in a tired motion.

"I... I can't give you my blessing, Hubert. I'm sorry."

His heart sank, quickly. He hadn't even considered that thought, but now that she was actively withholding it from him...

"...Please..." He wasn't sure what he was trying to ask for. Please don't do this? Please don't talk about this? Please go away?

She looked at him, saddened. "I can't bear the idea of a future without her. Even with someone as trustworthy as you. You understand, right?"

He could hear the words spilling out of his mouth before he realized what he was saying. "She's not interested. You can't force her."

What?! Why was he getting combative?! This was the emperor!

"I will do all I can." Her voice ran cold as she sat down across from him. "Hubert, I'm sorry, but I can't allow you two to be together."

He knew what was coming next. A power she had never once used against him. A power she had once promised to never use against him, now the finale to this hellish nightmare Hubert was trapped in.

"Hubert, I..."

"Don't." he whispered, almost pleading. "You promised."

She faltered for only a moment, giving him a pitying look as she finished the awful sentence. "I forbid you from marrying the professor."

Hubert could almost swear he heard something snap somewhere inside him. Not in a metaphoric, emotional sense, but genuinely. He could vaguely hear something break somewhere in his body. He didn't let it show, though, he just smiled and bowed.

"I understand, Lady Edelgard. I apologize for stepping out of line."

"You didn't." she gave him a small frown, "It was just the wrong place and the wrong time. It's... not your fault." she sighed as she looked at the bulletin board on the wall. "Oh, in more important news, I'd like to discuss an update about that former soldier of those who slither in-"

Hubert raised his hand up, slowly. "I'm... sorry. Perhaps a little later. I'm still very tired and would like some rest, if that's alright."

"Of course." Edelgard nodded, "You've been working yourself to the bone these last few weeks. You've earned some time to recollect yourself. It's nothing urgent. In fact," she smiled, "I doubt we'll be having any urgent missions for a while, now. We're finally on the edge of peace, Hubert."

"Thank goodness." he chuckled, calmly standing up and leaving the room. He walked down the hall, passing Petra on the way. She gave him a little wave, which he returned with a smile, before gently shutting the door to his room as he went inside. He nodded, satisfied, as the door clicked into place, then turned around and began destroying every perishable object he could find.

He had never been in this sort of state before. So inexplicably angry... well, not inexplicably...

How could she? After he had followed her all these years, sacrificing everything for her... he had only wanted one thing. One person. Of course he had to add her to his lists of sacrifices as well.

He tore the pages out of the book on his desk, the senseless destruction somehow ebbing his feelings. He didn't nessecarily enjoy seeing things get torn apart, but it helped him feel like he had some form of control over something. That's all he wanted. Control. Over his life at best, and over his emotions at worst. If he couldn't have the life he longed for, he at least wanted to stop loving her... craving her...

The rage finally disappeared, being replaced with a hollow sadness as he sunk to the floor. What would this mean for him, now? If the two did end up together, would he be forced to watch them forever while he worked at Lady Edelgard's side? Forced to see the life he might have had? Forced to see the love he longed to be given to him given to the woman who had torn his hopes away from him?

And if they didn't... would that mean the professor would leave? Forever? He'd never even get a chance to tell her how he felt?

Oh, if he could talk to Lady Edelgard, now... he'd tear her piece from piece...

No! No, he didn't mean that!

He shook his head, trying to get rid of the nasty thoughts. How could he think that about the emperor he was sworn to protect? This was his life. He knew that. Why was he so upset over one woman? He had gotten over other love interests when he was younger for her sake.

Yes, but you didn't have to see them every day.

No, no no no, he wouldn't hurt her. Not his Lady. Not over this. He trembled as he looked over at the aftermath of his anger. He'd never done something like this... never torn things apart out of anger... he was usually so collected... what was happening to him?

He took a deep breath, shaking himself off as he stood up. It made sense that these sudden, violent feelings resulted in a violent aftermath. At least it was over. Now things could go back to normal. He shakily undid his cape as he stared in the mirror.

Would it go back to normal?

Of course it would. He was exceptional at letting things go. After all, he'd practiced it his whole life.

He gave the man in the mirror a reassuring nod, though he looked a little paler and a little sicker, and sat down on the side of his bed. He wasn't really tired, he had just said that to get away.

Still, he wasn't ready to go back out. Not like this.

He took a shuddery breath as he leaned his head against the bed.

All he really wanted was to have one good thing. The others were allowed to have a plethora of friends, family, and yes, lovers, but Hubert? He only asked for one person, and he wasn't permitted even that.

His eyes gently closed, knowing full well he wouldn't sleep.

Maybe if sleep wouldn't take away his feelings, the lack of it would.