After Itachi had decided to open his heart by telling Nagato the most secret part of himself, the redhead had felt important to someone for the first time in his life, especially after learning from Itachi himself, how no one had been able to understand his suffering.

"A depressed person is always scary" Nagato had explained to her partner as soon as they entered the new house together.

It was a small apartment on the third floor of an old building overlooking one of the busiest streets in the centre. Just below the French door of their small balcony there was a traffic light, so honking, shouting, insults and shouts were the order of the day and night at any time. The apartment had been handed over to them practically empty, only the kitchen was present, very modern and positioned in a corner of the main room, the bed and the wardrobe in the other room. Nagato didn't mind feeling free to recreate his beloved stacks of soft pillows and duvets everywhere like in the old house.

Itachi seemed that in that period he was able to keep his health problems almost completely at bay thanks to a new treatment and the newfound balance of the emotional situation. However, the dark haired continued to wake up often in the middle of the night moaning in a bath of sweat. Nagato knew that in those moments he was persecuted by those cursed tracks that skidded empty on the ground. He hugged him until he calmed down, waited for him to stop shaking and for his heart to stop beating so hard that his skin vibrated, then they both slipped into sleep holding each other until morning.

Aren't you a little lame on this, Itachi? I also confessed to you what problems I had when I was young but your gaze remains impassive as always; your gestures and your words towards me have not changed.

Nagato sighed thinking that in the end Itachi showed in a thousand ways to love him. He was good and kind to him, his understanding look like it never was, he never said no to him about anything trying to always please him in everything, he helped both him and Sasuke economically since he was the only one working and studying at the same time.

But that's your character, you would do it with anyone, right? It's not because I'm special to you.

It was as if something was missing, as if Yahiko's old rebuke about real problems and made-up ones was now silently floating in the air through Itachi's eyes and gestures.

On the sex side there was absolutely nothing wrong, Nagato found that Itachi could give him an orgasm just by accidentally touching him; once, in fact, he had urgently accompanied him to the dentist. Nagato was in excruciating pain, his bone problems, made even worse by eating disorders, had also affected his teeth. They had both taken their places on the small sofa in the waiting room; Itachi, sitting down seconds after him, had gotten too close and, by mistake, his buttocks ended up on his side.

"Excuse me, did I hurt you?" the dark haired immediately justified himself.

Nagato hadn't been able to say anything, despite that damned molar beating like a hammer, the contact stolen by mistake had excited him so much that it caused him pain.

It couldn't have been otherwise, Itachi had a body so perfect that it didn't seem real. He was thin but his work as an acrobat had sculpted him while leaving him thin. Nagato thought he was going crazy when he wrapped his slender legs around his waist while they were abandoned in their clouds of soft duvets. Red let him lead totally. Itachi held him tight against his body, rubbed his intimacy against his very thin chest kissing him with those velvet lips. He penetrated it in the mouth with decision, the redhead had his legs tight around the thin neck and his buttocks rubbing on his chest in those moments.

Itachi, you will make me die one of these!

Itachi slid back down as the redhead began to feel the first droplets of his pleasure on his tongue. Nagato liked to squeeze Itachi's waist while he arched his back feeling those sinuous and mischievous poses at the same time, he loved being submerged by black hair as soft as silk. While the dark-haired hugged him with his strong arms Nagato felt his perfect buttocks resting on his legs to feel lost immediately after inside the soft and hot dark-haired body. Itachi in that way only left him with the illusion that he was in control of the situation, however, although he penetrated himself with Nagato's first excitement brought to the maximum, he continued to lead him with the rhythm of his cadenced lunges. Nagato moaned as he felt the other's hot breath on his skin as he licked and sucked on his neck. He couldn't escape the pressure of Itachi's buttocks, his weak muscles wouldn't even be able to move a child's body, yet he was ecstatic to surrender to that sweet constraint. The dark-haired didn't let him go until his heat started to flow on Nagato's sunken belly and that of the redhead was melting with his burning body.

Then they stayed like that, cuddling. Nagato liked to run his fingers through the dark hair's long hair and lightly brush his soft eyelashes with his fingertips. Itachi adored those brown eyes but sparkling with purple reflections, pushed the thick wine-red fringe away from his face to be able to admire them better.

"You have a wonderful hair color, Nagato, I think you are unique in the world."

The redhead kissed him on that perfect nose without saying anything.

Really? And to think that I've always envied Yahiko's hair, both the color that looks like a living flame, and the fact that he doesn't have it limp like mine. Are you telling the truth, Itachi, or do you just pity me? Understanding your gaze is still impossible for me after so many years and I know that this was not what I dreamed of for myself when I was young. I can't go on like this.

Being a very good acrobat, Itachi inevitably did not go unnoticed by people, however his shy and introverted character kept him away from various interviews and gossip, this allowed him to maintain the utmost discretion in his life and in that of Nagato.

Red, despite his studies in philosophy, after graduation ended up working as a real estate agent in a studio not far from home, still on the same street. His desire to dig into people's minds to seek answers at all costs had perhaps been yet another flash in the pan of his life, the fact that Itachi was totally impenetrable, then, had forced him to throw in the towel.

You were the only person I cared about, I can't handle more than one at a time.

However, Nagato was very successful in his job, it must be admitted that he knew how to use words well and dig in the right places to pull the grist when he had a customer in front of him and that was fine with him. His life flowed peacefully, with fixed hours, without too many changes or jolts that could plunge him back into some deep crisis. He had quickly got used to Itachi working in the evenings, he almost always watched him, either live in some theater or on television. He admired him twirling in the silent and beautiful air, he looked like an angel, it seemed that he didn't make the slightest effort as if he were merged with the air itself and with the lights around him.

Nagato had rekindled relations with his brother Yahiko, he was often surprised at how distance managed to mend those ties that seemed broken and long lost.

This also applied to Itachi and his cousin Shisui. Sasuke was the only one to remain, unfortunately, still a hard rock. Itachi often visited him to return home every time twice as sad.

"Sasuke says he understood that it was an accident with the tractor, but he can't shake the blame off me. I can't blame him and seeing him like that makes me feel even more like a monster."

Itachi didn't want to confess all this to Nagato, but unfortunately the redhead had noticed the connection between his visits to Sasuke and his falling prey to some illness.

"Don't say that, Itachi, he's still young, give him time and he'll understand. Admit, however, that you Uchiha are famous for being very stubborn!"

Nagato tried to make him smile as she squeezed his frozen and weak hand. Itachi had collapsed onto his back on the white tiles with a dull and sinister thud, now he stood there shivering with cold. However the dark-haired was aware of the need to get up on his own, Nagato hadn't even managed to lift his legs a little to prevent the blood from flowing completely away from his head.

Could you at least give me a blanket, Nagato.

Itachi had closed his eyes to stop the tears from coming out. Nagato felt like he had the situation under control again and this lifted his mood exponentially.

Why do I feel relieved to see you in pain and your successes bother me? I don't know, I don't understand myself, it's just that this monster exists that has been eating me inside since I was born and I don't know why. I exude pain destroying my body, but you never noticed that I always lock myself in the bathroom after we eat. However, I don't want to get well, no, no one would notice that I'm in pain anymore.

Yahiko and Shisui often came for lunch, dinner or sometimes the four of them went out for an appetizer, a movie or a drink. Itachi had confessed to Nagato that he was very worried about Obito and Madara that no one had heard from for five years now. Obito was much better, worked and had fixed the date of the wedding with Rin, however the situation remained very delicate.

"Madara and I share some character aspects, unfortunately" Itachi explained to his partner one evening while they were relaxing on their cloud of cushions "Like that of always wanting to do everything alone. I hope he hasn't come out completely destroyed by the situation that had arisen with Obito and that he can recover."

Nagato, towards the end of that year, had discovered that he was totally happy, he seemed to be at the top of a peak from which he knew that the descent would begin very soon. This undulating trend of his mood unfortunately he had been carrying with him for practically all his life and by now he had begun to know him all too well. There were periods that he had classified as the best in his life, however every time one happened, he was already certain that the following months could not have been on the same level or better, but necessarily lower.

He never exceeds the peak, one cannot go beyond the maximum. Once you reach after you can only go down.

That descent had begun, slow but inexorable, from the New Year's party he, Itachi, Sasuke, Yahiko and Shisui had attended.

It was Nagato who booked that restaurant in the middle of nowhere, the evening included dinner, music and dancing.

Sitting at the kitchen table waiting to go out, the redhead was stunned to see Itachi emerge from the bedroom looking as splendid as perhaps he had ever been. Itachi wore a very tight, high-necked army green vest tucked into the thick belt he held up his tight pants of thin, dull, rough leather. Low boots had always been his favorite footwear and once again they could not be missing, he had chosen them black and shiny equal to the belt. His gorgeous black hair was finally down, he had painted his eyes a little to make them even more magnetic. Nagato had thought he was acceptable with his immaculate white shirt ballooned up a bit by dark green leather pants that inevitably fit him big and unbuttoned to hide his anchovy body, until that vision of his companion had sunk by arrogance in the blackest insecurity. The redhead shook his head to let his hair fall back in front of his face.

"Why, Nagato? You were so fine. Wait, I'll take care of it."

Itachi had crossed the room to go to the bathroom, he had re-emerged immediately after with the small purse in which he kept his tricks. He sat wordlessly astride Nagato's legs smiling occasionally as he worked on his face with a touch as expert as it was delicate.

"What do you think?" he then asked Nagato handing him a small mirror.

The redhead's mouth had opened wide for a moment seeing how Itachi had been able to bring out the purple reflections of his eyes by adding very little color.

Itachi, it's easy for you to give me this consolation prize by making me think you have strengths, you're perfect just about everywhere.

"I don't know," Nagato huffed as he pushed her long bangs back in front of his face.

Itachi had stood up with a sigh to take his coat, they would have come to get Sasuke first.

Sasuke had sat in the back seat without saying goodbye to anyone, from his pout it seemed that he was very annoyed by the fact that the invitation to that party had been extorted from him. Itachi had insisted while he was at his house to deliver his Christmas present.

"Otouto, we have never been together one day properly during the holidays."

"On Christmas day I was at a friend's house, I told you. Your sense of guilt for going to live with Nagato is totally useless."

Itachi knew that that was a lie, Sasuke had been alone all day, he certainly couldn't pretend to deceive him after he had seen him being born. Even though he'd finished his first year in law school, Sasuke hadn't bonded with anyone yet again. It was true, Itachi often felt guilty for leaving him in the house where they had grown up with that family erased by his distraction, but he was aware that distance was the only way if he wanted to try to recover the relationship.

"Your elegance makes us all disappear tonight, Sasuke."

Sasuke grunted back to Nagato's compliments. Itachi had noticed that for about a year his brother had always dressed in black and his skin was becoming increasingly pale, he looked at him in the rear view mirror without saying anything, he only let out a resigned sigh. The car was soon filled with Shisui and Yahiko's cheer.

"Sasuke, put yourself in the middle, you are the most beautiful of all and a pity to see you there squashed in the window"

"Stop it, Shisui" Itachi had called him back and he already knew that he would no longer be able to afford the luxury of losing sight of him throughout the journey and, perhaps, not even at the party.

In fact, Itachi knew that the earthquake of his older cousin had been working for about a year in a night club and this had changed his already extroverted character by nature. Shisui's tendency to be influenced by people, situations and feelings was real and he was rarely able to control himself. That's why it ended up like that between them when they were young.

I took the accusation of being a prostitute from your father, you have always been the opposite of me and you have never hidden anything about what you think. That time I pulled back as always not looking for you anymore, Sasuke's eyes had already seen too much.

Sasuke snorted fogging up the window without even turning around.

"Where are we headed, Nagato?" Yahiko asked his brother.

"That restaurant in the fairgrounds."

"Damn it, Nagato, but it's in the middle of nowhere! I should have known that letting you organize it would have been a rip-off."

Sasuke snorted again rolling his eyes.

"Wow, Itachi, but then tonight we're eating beef, other than pig's trotters and lentils!"

Yahiko's comment to Itachi as soon as they got out of the car, followed by that wink that was his usual expression, knocked Nagato down another step from his top. Meanwhile, Sasuke's sharp gaze had literally cut the pierced redhead in two.

"Try to have fun tonight, cousins." Shisui's hand had just had time to slap Sasuke before Itachi jabbed him in the ribs.

"You can help but defend me, Nii-san, I think I've proved enough that I can take care of myself."

Sasuke entered the restaurant angrily without waiting for them, plunging his older brother further into a sense of guilt and Nagato into a desire for that evening to end soon.

The restaurant had a thick and transparent glass dome from which, however, drafts entered from all sides. The music boomed with an annoying hangar effect. The festoons and small colored bulbs hanging from the ceiling seemed to float in the night.

"Well, let's look on the bright side, at least you can see the stars, the moon and the tops of the cypress trees." Shisui stated emptying glass after glass of red wine, the dark purple turtleneck sweater he was wearing highlighting her eyes now made shiny by alcohol.

"Damn it, Nagato, didn't you notice that these lentils are full of dirt?" Yahiko crossed his arms with a dramatic gesture that highlighted both the muscles and the piercings that he had on his arms left uncovered by the sleeveless beige shirt.

Nagato was starting to get mortally wounded by all those comments, the place was evidently not to anyone's liking.

You, Itachi, what do you think? Never a word in my defense…

What did you wish for us, Itachi? For me?

"This bubbly is crap" was Sasuke's sentence after they positioned themselves back at their table to finish the bottle toasting again.

"Otouto, please."

"Nii-san, it's the truth!"

"I'd say dance a bit," Shisui declared as he grabbed Itachi's arm to forcefully yank him out of his chair.

Nagato had coordinated his gaze on them also to avoid Sasuke's frown and Yahiko's impassive face who was now passing a toothpick from one side of his mouth to the other using his tongue. Everything had more or less gone well until the DJ decided to interrupt the thumping disco music to put on a slow. Shisui's hand had started to descend towards Itachi's waist, he had also squeezed him with the other one pulling him towards himself. Sasuke had noticed Nagato swallowing and this made him turn towards the dance floor as he saw his cousin's hands gripping his older brother's butt. Shisui had loaded him into his arms without giving him the opportunity to protest and then continued the dance steps with the other's legs clasped around his waist.

Sasuke leapt up from the table to walk outside at a brisk pace while Nagato also stood up to lock himself in the bathroom.

"Otouto, wait. Shisui put me down, damn it."

The major had complied, baffled by the fact that he had never seen Itachi lose his temper more or less all his life.

Before disappearing into the bathroom, Nagato had time to see his companion launch in pursuit of his younger brother.

Of course, Itachi, I have never been and never will be your priority.

Sasuke had sat down on the sidewalk outside, Itachi patiently took a seat next to him.

"May we know what's going on with you? I was hoping to give you some fun tonight her. Okay, the place isn't the best, but when you're all together, that doesn't really matter."

Sasuke kept his eyes on the asphalt : "Mom and dad would have chosen something better."

"Mom and Dad would have done a lot of things better" Itachi had been seized by a tightening in the chest that had made him collapse for a few seconds.

"What's wrong with you, Nii-san?" Sasuke had now turned to his brother, he had never known anything about his health problems.

Itachi tried to compose himself as much as possible: "That day torments me every night, Otouto, I was trying to teach you how to manage fear but it prevented me from thinking clearly. That's why I made extreme self-control my lifestyle, if I had had it even that time I would have been able to stop the engine in time. Perhaps this attitude of mine made me appear cold in your eyes, but you will understand that I could not afford to be wrong again. Every distraction has never been forgiven me. Already at the time I was starting to have health problems and that's why you believed me dead while you were on the phone with Obito. I was born with aortic insufficiency that got worse from swallowing emotions. Mom, dad and I had decided not to tell you anything so you wouldn't worry. I failed you, myself and everyone. I kept your distance because I hoped to mend our relationship. From tonight I leave you free to do what you want and I'm sorry to warn dragged here. I'm sorry for everything."

Sasuke was shocked hearing the major's voice tremble. He grabbed Itachi's hand before he could get up to walk away, Sasuke didn't believe his eyes seeing a tear that had escaped from his long lashes.

"Nii-san, I know what you do for me every day, what you were doing even then believing that dad didn't give me enough attention making me feel inferior to you. No one in the world has ever had a caring brother like you. You were a child too then, let's try to love each other, ok?"

Sasuke hadn't been able to say anything else, but Itachi noticed that his face had changed while his large eyes became watery, a change that then remained constant over time starting from that evening. Itachi pressed him to his chest letting his emotions free even to make him cry, if Sasuke wanted.

"Nagato, why that face? I didn't consume him for you" Shisui had noticed the undone make-up of the redhead, the reddened eyes and trembling hands.

"Forget it, it doesn't matter." Nagato forced a smile.

After all, every time he left the bathroom, he carried the consequences with him and had nothing to do with his makeup.

Yahiko stared at him without saying anything and his brother had the impression of hearing his thoughts circling in the air.

You go looking for them, you invent the problems, there are people who have them for real.

I know, but I can't stand others looking at Itachi with attention. Or that I'm not his top priority.

You are ugly, Nagato, why should Itachi look at you?

The redhead shook his head to drive away all the voices that echoed in his mind.

"Yahiko, shall we dance, you and I?" Shisui always tried to keep everyone's spirits up.

Nagato's brother stood up without changing his facial expression, focusing on the invitation of the dark-haired man. Nagato had remained at the table to drain in his glass all the various residues of the wine present both in the bottles and in the glasses of the others. He didn't care what color it was or whether it was fizzy or not, his goblet was reduced to the shape of a sewer into which he intended to dump some of his suffering. He swallowed that concoction in one gulp.

No one notices how it reduces my pain.

Itachi and Sasuke returned and sat down at the table again. Noticing the new expression that now stretched the perfect features of the smaller one had the power to give Nagato a new stab.

Itachi, you always find the right words with everyone except me, what do others have more? I always look for the best in the world when I talk to you and when I see you feeling bad.

Nagato waited patiently for Shisui and Yahiko to stop having fun on the dance floor to declare that he wanted to leave: "Sorry, but I don't feel very well."

"You drank like a sponge, Nagato, what was the need to reduce yourself to this state?" Itachi told him as he supported him staggering towards the car.

Nagato noticed Yahiko grit her teeth a little and narrow his eyes identical to his in disapproval of him.

In the following two days Nagato didn't get up from the bed, resigned to having fallen completely from his hard-won peak. He enjoyed the cuddles of Itachi who was convinced that his partner was still in the throes of the terrible hangover he had gotten.

"I have a show tomorrow, do you want to come and see me live?"

Itachi, on the third day that Nagato didn't get up, sat on the edge of the bed asking him this question while he stroked his hair hoping that he would recover. It was clear by now that New Year's exaggerations had nothing to do with it, he hadn't even touched food since that evening.

Nagato didn't answer when Itachi said goodbye to go to work, didn't even look at him. However he couldn't help turning on the TV later to watch it from the screen.

Itachi circled with his usual grace and lightness, making no noise. His eyes with Nagato's purple reflections, rimmed with deep dark circles, followed him on the screen. Itachi seemed made of wind and light and, like them, evanescent and weightless. The audience didn't breathe, every time Nagato was certain that they all stopped breathing. Nobody knows the name of that angel, he never wanted to say it. The children were convinced that he was not human, but a creature that disappeared once he finished flying. Nobody has such a face and hair on Earth, it is not possible for a person to reach such a level of suppleness. Yet even the angels suffer it seems.

"Why does he have such sad eyes?" a little girl had asked, shaking her mother's hand.

"But what's on his face?" another child to the father.

"Eyes a little sunken, son, he's probably tired, even if it doesn't look like this job requires effort."

"But why, on his planet do they sleep like us?"

A hand escaped from the one that should have grabbed it, this time the audience was forced to catch their breath to scream realizing that the angel this time had come without will in the hands of his helper. The man had done everything to grab it on the fly but the unreal dark had ended up on the safety net landing on his right side like a broken doll without moving anymore.

"Now I understand, he's a puppet, his strings must have snapped" said the little girl before her, looking at the shocked face of her mother who was covering her mouth with a hand as if to stop herself from screaming.

Nagato blinked as the television broadcast abruptly ended.

I thought that two people who know pain well could understand each other, but instead we ended up annihilating each other. On the other hand, the depressed person becomes selfish and thinks only of his own pain, taking care of that of others would be too much for him. Perhaps the solution to pain is to find someone who is totally free of it or who knows how to handle it perfectly, someone who is positive and sunny. I've always had difficulty accepting people who are different from me being attracted only to those who are similar, but perhaps this was my umpteenth mistake.