Chapter 25

Darkness?

Where... Where am I?

I remember... Gandalf leaving... eating dinner... going to bed...

Am I... asleep?

With a soft moan, I take in my surroundings. I'm in a movie theater. Now I know that I'm asleep. I know that. What's the word for it, when you're aware that you are asleep? Lucid dreaming? Yeah, that's it. I'd be the lazy one to dream about something as mundane as watching a movie. What AM I watching? I glance up at the large screen and soak in the colorful images.

'My dear Frodo, you asked me once if I had told you everything there was to know about my adventures. And while I can honestly say I have told you the truth, I may not have told you all of it. I am old now Frodo. I'm not the same hobbit I once was. I think it is time for you to know what really happened.'

Oh my gawd, I LOVE this movie. I settle down into my seat, ready to begin.

It began long ago in a land far away to the East. The like of which you will not find in the world today.

But wait… Dale and Erebor were restored so why wouldn't they be found today? Then again, Erebor would eventually be abandoned by the dwarves again. Or... would have. Might still. I'm not sure. It's not their true home, not that I'd ever tell Thorin that. Not that he doesn't know... I shake my head, letting the issue slide.

There was the city of Dale. Its markets known far and wide, full of the bounties of vine and vale, peaceful and prosperous. For this city lay before the doors of the greatest kingdom in Middle-Earth: Erebor.

I've watched this movie so many times that I've got it memorized. I could play it behind my eyelids just as well as this screen can. So instead of a theater, let's watch it… in the sky! The theater immediately drops away as we float into space while the movie plays on. Wait a second… We? Looking to my side, my heart jumps out of my chest.

"Thorin!"

"Yes?" his gaze is glued to the screen but turns to face me slowly and blink in surprise "Thia."

Leaping into his arms, I hug the living daylights out of my husband. I've dreamed of him time and time again yet I still miss him. The dreams are never enough to relieve the ache I feel from our separation but they help. Laying fully into him, I sigh contently as his arms wrap around my back. Nuzzling my cheek, the king places a soft kiss at the corner of my mouth but halts from going further as the movie goes on.

Thror's love of gold had grown too fierce. A sickness had begun to grow within him. It was a sickness of the mind. And where sickness thrives bad things will follow.

"This is..."
"D-don't... You don't have to watch this."

"But…"

"Seriously. Thorin, ignore it."

He tries, I know he does, but its difficult with the images dancing in the air. Of course this is when Thorin appears in the sky in all his giant glory. I only glance in the direction for a moment but my husband is enthralled.

"Balin, sound the alarm. Call out the guards, do it now!"

"What is it?"

"... Dragon." Without even looking, I know that movie Thorin is running inside to warn everyone. He'll run to the railing and yell out "Dragon!"

"You and I both know how this plays out." I whisper, desperately wanting him to turn away but also knowing this is a painful spot for him. I can't stop it from playing though. I tell myself to shut it off but its like when someone says 'don't think about that!' you immediately think about it. Still… "Don't watch."

"But how? Thia-"

"It's not going to get any better... I can't make it stop but you shouldn't wat-"

"No!" Thror cries and I nearly do the same as Thorin's head snaps back to the moving images

Erebor was lost. For a dragon will guard his plunder as long as he lives.

"Run for your lives!" Thorin mouths, remembering. I sigh as he frowns at the sky. Why does my mind bother to let it playing on when I clearly want it gone? SAW would have been less of a mood killer "Help us!"

Thranduil would not risk the lives of his kin against the wrath of the dragon. No help came from the Elves that day. Nor any day since.

Again, I am confused. The elves DID help since then and continued to do so. The BOFA was a testament to that, some Bilbo would have distinctly known. Even now, the dwarves of Erebor and the elves of Mirkwood have a working relationship. In both the middle earth I came to change and the one I live in now, the eleves and dwarves work together in the end, so whats up with this narration?

Robbed of their homeland, the dwarves of Erebor wandered the wilderness. The once mighty people brought low. The young dwarf prince took work where he could find it, laboring in the villages of men. But always, he remembered the mountain smoke beneath the moon, the trees like torches blazing bright, where he had seen dragon fire in the sky, and a city turn to ash. And he never forgave, and he never forgot.

"…What… is this?" he finally asks as the imagery flows on "Who is speaking?"

"It's a movie so technically, no one and alot of people." I take the moment to snatch the pictures out of the sky and imagine it playing on a tablet in my hand. I still can't get it to stop but at least it isn't written in the sky now "The narration is from Bilbo's thoughts as he writes to Frodo. The images... basically they are from the land itself, not a single person's perspective."

"Mo...vie? Baggins? His thoughts?" Thorin blinks at it in confusion and so do I. Why would I tell him that? True or not, its not something I state in such a way. I've always been careful about how I phrase things and this isn't how I would speak to anyone on Middle Earth. I'd never utter the word movie, so whats going on "I do not understand. Why are you having a vision of this now?"

"Its not…" An explanation nearly pops out my mouth followed by the easy explanation of 'its magic' nearly slipping off my tongue but I catch it. I get it now... Someone else is here and guiding this interaction. I don't like this one bit but I have a good idea of who it is "This... It's not a vision I'm currently seeing. Its more like a... memory of something I've seen."

"You saw the fall of Erebor?" he questions in surprise, turning to face me "You saw it all?"

"I did."

"And you still came on the quest with me? Knowing what we would face?"

"Oh please, of course. It'll take more than one overgrown scaly lizard to keep me away from you. I'll have you know that I've seen a great many things since-" my sentence is cut off as Thorin pulls me back into his lap "What now?"

"Did you foresee this?" His mouth covers mine in a possessive manner "Or this?"

"… Well, well, well!" I respond with a grin. I like this change! Yes, I do "I hope I'll see a whole lot more of that!"

"Yamal."

I don't know what he's saying but I make no show of it, instead, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him into another scorching kiss. 'Now this is what I'm talking about!' My shirt disappears, quickly followed by his own, in a tangle of needy heat. Even so, every couple of seconds Thorin's gaze looks back at the discarded screen at our feet, much to my annoyance. I'd successfully put it out of mind, so nothing plays but I know my husband is curious.

"It's already stopped but you're still distracted..."

"It?"

"The memory…" I sit up and look around, pulling my shirt on. I'm obviously not going to get what I want "How strange…"

"I apologize"

"Mahal!" I cry out in surprise

"I'd prefer it if you called my name but-."

"No no, I mean it." Grabbing his face and pointing it towards the crouching vala, I huff out his name again "Mahal is over there!"

"Wha-"

"No, please do not stop on my behalf." the perverted giant chuckles from his spot "I do not mind in the least. Please, continue."

"What the Haggen Daz are you doing here?!" Thorin bends to a knee in reverence while I rage at the Valar. I am 100% thoroughly displeased with this but I knew it was probably him poking around my memories "No. No. Forget I asked and just leave. I consciously want you out of my unconscious."

"How rude you are, child. I have come to check on your well being but find you in exceptionally good health."

"Well-"

"-despite the incident with your children." I can see Thorin twitch in displeasure but he doesn't rise, thanking not lifting his head in the presence of the Vala. As long as he is here, I don't have to worry about Thorin grilling me abo- "Son of my making, I have given you a good wife with whom words can be exchanged. While it is not your plane, freely raise your head and speak with your One."

"You are too gracious, Great Maker." He rises from a deep bow and nothing but curses flicker around my mind. He turns to me like a creaky door, slow and with promises of ghouls "...What incident?"

"I... um..." I shift suspiciously. I did not expect to have to defend myself so soon and didn't come up with a good excuse "You see... I HAD to send them back to Erebor."

"You what?"

"It was necessary! For their own safety. Gandalf said-"

"The wizard was in the Shire?"

"Well, yes but this happened in Rivendell after the ring-"

"Isildur's Bane." I'm taken aback for a moment but then remember Nori. He without a doubt would have been sending updates to Thorin, so the ring would have been mentioned. Depending on how fast word is being sent, I'd say he probably doesn't know what happened in Rivendell "You speak of the unspeakable."

"Yeeeeeah, that one." I hold up my hands to stop him from blowing up "It kind of got attached to me, more attached than it was before, and we all decided that it needs to be destroyed..."

"..."

"... and that I should help for the continued sustainability of Middle Earth... so I sent the children away for their own safety but I'm not alone! Gandalf and Gimli and Legolas and Aragorn-"

"Isildur's heir-"

"Just like with Bard, this guy will make up for his ancestor's hiccup. I promise."

"This is no time for jokes, Thia! What is going on?!"

"I'm sorry! It all happened so fast but I made sure to send the kids back to Erebor with Dori, Nori, and Gloin.

"Who promptly lost them. There is one who enjoys playing cruel tricks on those that are favored." Mahal provides his response swiftly from a distance. He is seated on a floating throne, towering over us and it doesn't help the situation. He waves his hand dismissively as if missing children is just an everyday occurrence. Which it might be but he could still show a little concern "While not usually violent, he can go too far in his games."

"I am not pleased to hear this."

"Yeah... no... me either... This..."

"Unacceptable."

"Yes, I know-"

"This would not have happened if you had stayed in Erebor."

"Wha- Thats hardly fair! This isn't something we could have predicted or prepared for, Thorin."

"I knew I should not have given you leave." he's barely listening and I bite my lip instead of rolling my eyes. Knowing that it has to be Longarm moonlighting as Loki, this is kind of my fault. I knew there was something off about him but I didn't know he was on the Valar's level in annoyance. If I had... would I still have been so headstrong in going? At the time, the pull from the ring was as if Thoria or Theodore were calling for me. I can't say for certain that I wouldn't have still left. As I say nothing in my defense, Thorin takes a knee again and addresses Mahal directly "Great Father, a great disservice has befallen us. Please, if you know and could impart any knowledge, where are our children?"

"With their Grandfather." My eyes grow wide at the thought of the kids traveling back to my world but they go even wider as Mahal finishes his statement "Thrain."

"My father?" Thorin's head lifts in surprise before ducking once more under the Vala's intense gaze. I momentarily wonder if its out fear, reverence, or Mahal's actual power. I don't feel any different when I speak to him but is that because he doesn't want me to? That aside, THRAIN? Um, what? Thorin comes to the same dizzying realization "But he is-"

"Alive. Your father lives."

"That's..."

Thats not possible. I can't outwardly deny it but its true. Rubbing my temples, I try to keep up. There is absolutely nothing I did that would have led to Thrain still living. He died long before I showed up, not that Thorin was ever able to confirm his death. I'm not sure how to argue this point without seeming insensitive to my awe struck lifemate, but his father should no longer be alive.

"You're going to have to explain that one, Mahal because it doesn't make any sense. If he was still alive, he would have heard of Erebor's restoration and returned to the mountain. He wouldn't have just... left Thorin to his own devices, even if it had been years."

"He is not living by natural means."

"Even so-"

"And those means have cost him his mind, Namadith. I do not know why the trickster would have delivered your children to him or how he can care for them in such a state." Damn it. The ring must have done something. I don't know what but it changed something to make Thrain's ring work in a similar fashion. That's the only explanation but it still doesn't explain his survival after I saw him die. But then again... Thrain died before I showed up and changed anything so how? I don't understand "There are many forces at work here."

"But I saw-"

"What do you think you saw?"

I don't like this. Not one bit. Mahal knows much more than he is letting on. He would not have come to us if he didn't. He's only done so once before and that was to ensure the mission he set forth was fulfilled. He speaks to me as needed which isn't too bad but he only speaks to Thorin to force my hand. Its not normal for the Valar to step into mortal lives so flagrantly or often but he continuously does so with mine. Now, he's questioning my sight and making me use it when I clearly do not wish to do so? He's looking for something and I don't like being his scrying orb. I'm sure he knows this, so he's using my weaknesses to force me to comply. Making sure Thorin is here and bringing news of the kids... He's guiding me to something but I can't tell to what end.

"I saw Gandalf... and Thrain in Dol Guldor." I have to focus on what I know. The behemoth nods patiently as I review the memory. As I continue to speak, I spot the images begin to play in the background much to my annoyance. I understand that this isn't my dream or even the shared plane between Thorin and I but rather a construct of Mahal. It's why nothing is listening to me, why the movie plays, and I speak too freely. He doesn't want me to lie but thankfully any unfiltered truth I can speak will with words he can't understand anyway "The two of them... They were running from... Azog. He'd known Thrain was hiding there the whole time, he just didn't think he'd live very long once..."

"Once what, Thia?"

"..." I don't glance at Thorin in his kneeled position, even as his question makes my shoulders hunch "Once Sauron was finished with him..."

I can't bring myself to look at my husband. His voice is so cold that I think I'd rather the heat of his anger over it. Instead, I keep my face turned away and let the scene explain itself. Though he does not stand, Thorin turns to watch as Thrain and Gandalf rush around the old fortress with Azog and his minions in hot pursuit. Their flight doesn't last long for soon they reach a dilapidated bridge with the essence of evil residing on the other end. The pair stand on their end in fright; unable to move forward or turn back, they stand between two enemies

"He's here." Thrain whispers hoarsely and I almost wince at the crazed high pitch sound

"There is no light wizard..." The darkness grows larger and more powerful, turning my stomach at the thought of it and this time I do shudder. The feeling of utter hopelessness crawls over my skin, making me rub my arms to dispel the goosebumps that appear "...that can defeat darkness."

"Tell Thorin, that I love him." In this moment, I turn to look at Thorin himself. I don't think Gandalf ever did tell Thorin what Thrain said that day. How could he, when with it he would have had to acknowledge that the dwarf had given up? I watch as realization dawn's on Thorin; his father had no more fight in him "...Will you do that? Will you... tell my son that I love him?"

"You will tell him yourself!" Gandalf shouts stubbornly, paying little attention to the quivering dwarrow at his side. It isn't until the darkness rises up and readies itself to strike that he hears Thrain's last words

"It's too late..."

With a deafening roar that seems to crack the very walls, a cloud of smoke rushes toward the two. It evades Gandalf's light and wraps tightly around Thrain like a glove. There is little the wizard can do as his friend is sucked into the night, screaming the whole way. Gandalf waits but a moment to mourn before he lets off a burst of light to fight. It blinds his enemies and I know it would blind his allies as well if he'd had any with him. I assume there is no more to be seen but as the light fades, and the skies clear, the tiniest shuffling of rocks can be heard. My eyes burn in familiar heat and I gaze in awe as I appear kneeling at the edge of the dark pit. I know I've never been there but I am standing there, clear as day. I reach down into the darkness and pull Thrain out of the abyss. He weeps at his own heartbreaking appearance and I pull him close in a comforting embrace... I whisper something to him and he flinches but slowly accepts whatever I'm saying before I disappear. Looking around, Thrain crawls out of the dirt and grime. He looks beaten down and defeated but even so... he lives. He shuffles away with a glazed look in his eye and I know his mind is gone even if his life isnt. My sight dims, ending the shared vision and I wrap my arms around myself at the hiss I hear escaping Thorin.

"Explain."

"I can't."

"EXPLAIN."

"I DON'T KNOW!" I don't. I have zero explanation for what we just watched but I have no doubt its true. Something that looks like me... I don't... I have no idea what just happened "I don't know what happened but the day I met you was my first day on Middle Earth. So that couldn't have been me! Mahal!"

"This is true." Mahal confirms thankfully, finally motioning Thorin to rise once more "With the aid of my kin, we brought you here and delivered you to he who would be your husband."

"Like I said, it wasn't me!"

"... So you knew nothing of this vision?"

"Well, n-not all of it. I knew about Thrain-"

"You knew he lived..." Thorin's voice shakes with the thinly veiled accusation. My shoulders hunch in defense at his tone "You knew."

"N-no-"

"This whole time! And said nothing!"

"I didn't... I-" running a shaking hand down my face, I silently curse my selective sight. What good is it now? And after that... dopplerganger, it all makes me seem like a liar. Even more so this scene wasn't in the original movie. I didn't see the extended version and cut scenes until after I returned home and as for Thrain being alive? Thats just... I couldn't have known that. But I can't explain that, not that way and Mahal knows that. I can see it in his eyes that he's giving me some sort of test, trying to figure out how my gift works. Its one none of Valar have complete oversight for, I get that but this is going to far "Thorin... I didn't know he lived after the dark cloud took him."

"You knew that it took him though. Knew where his body would have laid!"

"Yes but I didn't know he lived!"

"How could you not!?" I flinch at his confusion as much as sigh at my own. If this were my father... A father I d searched for for years... I'd be livid too. I'd be hurt. I'd be hella confused. I'd curse and scream and I'd be awful to be around, especially to the person I thought could have changed it. That doesn't mean I'm happy to be on the receiving end of his emotional piledriving "Something so simple as watching a vision to the end would not have taken but a moment of your time, Thia!"

"You don't understand anything about what you're criticizing me for!"

"You could have saved him, my father, from a lifetime of hurt! And you think this is a mere criticism?!"

"I'm sorry, I... thought it was... the end." I can't explain it further than that. I only knew what I knew at the time. My pitiful answer does nothing to calm him. He begins to pace and I quickly think to change the setting to a large room just so he isn't walking on air. Despite this not being a dimension of my own mind, it thankfully works since it doesn't clash with what Mahal desires. For his part, Mahal watches with an air of distanced observation, not attempting to interrupt the conversation. It pisses me off because... other than testing me, what was the point in him doing this and then not even helping me explain? Surely he knows that I wasn't just being negligent. Taking a calming breath, I try again but come off as condescending "When someone gets sucked into a black void of pure evil, I don't expect them to live."

"Why did you not tell me?" his head whips to face me, eyes blazing and I fight not to back down as I would have done when we'd first met "All the time we had on the quest, and you didn't tell me. Did not even mention it."

"What good would it have done but to steer you off track?" I know he is beyond reasoning with but I try anyway. If only to show that I had no intention of harming him or his father, I want to explain "E-even if I had known, you couldn't save both him and Erebor in the time frame given. It wouldn't have make sense to-"

"That was not your choice to make!" he grips my arms tightly, giving me a light shake. His attempt to knock some sense into me works, just not the way he plans "You should have-"

"I don't care what I should have done God knows how many years ago, Thorin. I can and need to do something NOW." Shrugging out of his grasp, I begin to pace myself "Something in my form brought your father back from the brink of death. Thats scary in and of itself. Regardless, your father is somehow still alive, out of his mind, and our children are out there with him. They are what's most important to me right now."

"...It is very clear what is important to you, wife." The icy way he uses the word, I think I would have been less offended if he had called me whore. His anger is clear but I can't bring myself to be upset by it as I'd be upset too. Turning, my dwarf begins marching toward the only door in the room, instinctively knowing it is the way out of the realm "I will find both our children and my father. You need not worry about it."

"Wait, you're not listening-"

"I expect you to begin your return to Erebor immediately. Nori would not have left your side even if he left your sight. He will escort you home."

"What? No! The ring-"

"That is not one of your approved activities, nor will I permit you do something so dangerous. Consider your expedition complete."

"I-" He doesn't stop even as I try to explain to his retreating back "Thorin, I can't just... wait a sec-"

"We will discuss this when we meet again."

Without a glance back, he is gone and I am left with the strangely quiet Vala. My head pounds with the experience and I know that when I wake up that I'll be completely unrested. Still... I know Thorin must be feeling really conflicted right now. That was alot of information that he knew the least amount about. No one likes to be the last to know, especially not a control freak like him. Some people you shouldn't argue with while they are upset because it will resolve nothing. He's that type. When he's angry, he goes all Kingly and tries to solve things without hearing anyone out. And me? I fight to be heard, even if the person is covering their ears. Those are our issues though and I'm glad Mahal stayed out of it during that part. Still, he wasn't useful for the majority of it all. Glaring over my shoulder, I sigh loudly

"Some help you were."

"I only wished to inform you of the children and the circumstances of whom they travel."

"We both know thats a lie."

"..."

"You were trying to test something and you made sure I had to stay put while you did. I'm getting real sick of people doing that to me." cutting my eyes at him, I swipe at my nose and sit at the table with him "Well? Did you find what you were looking for?"

"..." he does not answer but then again, I figured he wouldn't. He knew Thrain was alive and wanted to confirm it but I'm pretty sure he was more interested in my stunt double "There are many things about you that we do not understand. Things that even you do not understand. They must be approached with care."

"How about you ask next time? Besides, I can take care of myself."

"Is that so, Namadith?"

"Unless someone is MEDDLING, yes." I frown but think back on the word "Why do you keep calling me that? Little sister? The Valar were created with familial bonds already set and I'm not part of the collection."

"It is true. You are not one of the Valar. Neither are you subservient or akin to the Mair. For your place, you akin to... an adopted sister. An external blessing."

"...I... see?"

"As for caring for yourself... Is that why you neglected to relay the fact that you have been forced on a quest unintended for you?"

"..."

"Those with great power should not intervene constantly. With your gifts, you could very well do more harm than good. They have only just begun awakening."

"I was really hoping you wouldn't say that." I'm not sure how they would grow though. I suspect only my God given gifts would grow. Maybe I'll be able to jump farther... but how would that be problematic? Maybe one day I could jump armies into enemy camps, sure but thats... I dont know. For the rest of my natural life, the ring is really the only big ticket item happening in Middle Earth. So... I guess being here changes too much and puts that at risk? But its already written so it should come to pass, right? But so was Thorin's death and I changed that. But the Valar knew I would. But how could they imagine me unless I was already written for them to imagine? I reign myself back in before I jump too far. Blinking, I focus once more on the Val "We all know I'm not of this world but you all can't create what you can't see. So am I part of the music of Ainur too or do I sow dissonance?

"..."

"If I'm part of it, then am I truly changing whats written? If I'm causing dissonance, shouldn't you... stop me or something? Every day I'm changing whats been written constantly. Just by walking around and saying good morning, I change something."

"It can not be helped."

"Uh, I feel like it can be."

"Maybe so... but... You are currently taking a path not intended for you and now a great evil resides within your flesh." he lays a thick hand on my shoulder in consolation "Your very life could be forfeit in destroying this evil and you shared none of this your partner."

"You know..." I let out a shaking sigh, refusing to let myself be brought to tears "... At the moment, heh, I don't think he'd care."

"Have faith in your chosen one, Namadith." he offers as I feel myself begin to wake "Do not doubt your bond in the face of darkness and anger. Its light may be the only love to bring you out."

Sparknotes: Something brought Thrain back from the darkness. It looked like Thia. Thorin isn't happy. Thrain has the kids. Mahal is not all that supportive of Thia being with the fellowship. No one is staying in their lanes so expect a car crash.

Yamal= with pleasure

Namadith= Little sister